CLARKE

I haven't kept track of time, but based on the moon I reckon it's about three weeks since we left it all behind. Our people. Our titles. Our history. Nothing is known for sure, but I'm quite certain chances we'll ever return are very slim.

Our future lies ahead of us.

And although that means I had to let go of people who matter to me I can feel, and thus honestly say, that it's alright. Because I've got Lexa and Madi by my side, and they matter more. They matter the most.

For the past twenty or so days heading towards that future meant walking. A hell of a lot of walking.

We've walked for hours and hours, days and days, through woods and fields and empty streets, slowly making our way north-west. Only a handful of times we were lucky enough to find a working car, or what was left of it. One of them actually hold for almost a day. It smelled like death, but none of us cared - at least we were making some miles.

We kept going from sunrise till nightfall, everyday, with no exceptions. When we got the chance we slept in deserted buildings along the road - mansions, churches, shops, even some dilapidated toll booths. On the rare occasions that we couldn't find any we camped in the wild.

We tried to stick to the shortest route, which wasn't always easy since we didn't have a map for every part and quite some road signs are either overgrown or illegible after ten years of no maintenance. Some roads were blocked by fallen trees or abandoned traffic jam, some bridges were gone, forcing us to leave our wheels behind (if we even had any) and go around it.

The times we ran into a Walker, or even a bunch of them, we just passed them without taking the effort of killing them, unless they came for us. When we spotted a herd we took a little detour. Same with the living; we never bothered finding out if they might be good or bad, we just avoided them. We stepped aside and kept going.

The only times we actually stopped to go off route was when we were out of food and needed to scavenge. Out of the four of us, Madi turned out to be the absolute best in this; nine out of ten times she's the first to find whatever we're looking for, and often even more than that.

For all these days the spirit among us has been good. Even when getting hungry or tired, or felt like our feet were about to fall off, no one complained. Now that we're getting closer though, with less than thirty miles to cover, I notice Lexa is getting quieter.

I can only imagine how she must feel like. As long as we're on our way she has a purpose. A reason to have at least some hope. But the chances of finding even the smallest trace of evidence, let alone a next clue, of Madison's whereabouts are close to zero. And that's not a prospect to look forward to.

"Clarke," she breaks my thoughts, "stop watching me."

I blink, feeling caught. "I wasn't."

Without slowing down Lexa turns her head to look at me. "You're such a poor liar."

Her smile is small, but warm, and when she takes my hand I know she isn't annoyed with me.

I don't fight her on it - she's right, after all - but watch her again instead. Her eyes are already back on the horizon.

"You're worried," I state.

"Of course I am."

For a second I'm afraid she's about to close herself off again, but right then I can feel her grip tighten, and with it I know she's not done.

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"For trying? No! I mean, I know I said it would be insane to search for Becca, but this-"

"For hoping," she stops me. "For hoping she's still out there. Alive. And... and thinking about me."

I pull her a little closer to me until our shoulders brush with each step, then lean in and gently nudge her cheek.

"You're not crazy," I whisper, before letting my lips touch her skin. The softest laugh escapes her and she squeezes my hand again.

"You're going to trip!"

"I don't care," I tell her with quite the bravado, yet after another quick peck I focus my eyes on the road again. "I mean it though," I go on. "I know to you hope is an enemy, but I believe it's what moves us forward."

"But forward to where? There might be nothing there. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's what we're going to find. Absolutely nothing."

I nod. "I know that. But even then, there's a difference between not finding her and her not being out there. If the thought of her being alive, being somewhere in this world with you on her mind, helps you in any way, then I think you should allow yourself that thought."

Lexa stays quiet for a moment, then answers, almost to herself, "It does." She briefly looks at me. "To be someone's child. Even when we're apart. I'd almost forgotten what that felt like."

Her words make me think about Mom. Would she still be in space, or has she found her way to the ground by now? Is she with Marcus, and with Raven? How will her research go? And most importantly, is she happy? I don't have any of the answers, but one thing I do know for sure: I'm on her mind. And there's a value in that that goes beyond words.

I cast her another glance and this time our eyes actually meet. "You know we can stop at any time you want, right? If it would give you more peace, not knowing but believing she's alright..."

She shows me a half-smile. "It would, but I can't."

It's moments like these I'm not sure if I'm dealing with Lexa or Alicia. Probably both.

"I need to know I tried everything I could," she goes on. "Even if that means I don't find anything. Or worse. I just... I need to know."

I want to ask her about the third option.

What if she actually does find her? What if her determination will lead her back to her mom? I want to make her imagine, just for a second, how it would be like to see her again, to hold her again. To show her who she's become. This amazing young woman, who's surviving this god-awful place all on her own. I want to ask if she would tell her about her other past, and - perhaps a little selfishly - what she would tell her about me.

But though she set her mind on finding out the truth I know this is the part she doesn't allow her brain to go.

So instead I just nod again.

With her hand still in mine we continue walking, following Madi and Strand who've been a little ahead of us for the past so many miles. Depending on the distance between us, curves and obstacles, and most of all on Madi's urge to explore whenever she gets the chance, they're in and out of sight, but by now I know I can trust Madi not to endanger herself and thus let her be. Which isn't just benefiting my stress levels, but also helps us along more often than not.

Today is no exception.

"Clarke! Lexa!" she shouts from a close distance, "Look what I found!"

The enthusiasm in her voice makes us increase our pass.

Madi is standing between the open doors of what looks like an old barn. Her finger is trembling when she points at whatever treasure she found in there. I look around the door frame to see what's inside, getting her this excited, then back at Madi again, frowning.

"It's just a scrapheap. A pile of junk."

"No, it's not," Madi corrects me, "it's a pile of bicycles. And they're not all broken."

"She's right."

Strand's voice makes me look inside again, where he just appears from behind the steel, shoulder high jumble.

"Found three decent ones in the back, underneath that piece of canvas. And there's plenty of tools here. I think I can fix one of these with just some parts of, let me see... that one."

While I feel I can't do much more than stare at him Lexa already joins them in the barn.

"Awesome. Good catch, Madi!" she cheers.

"Wait, you... you seriously want to use these?"

"Of course," Lexa answers. She briefly looks at me over her shoulder, but turns away again before I can even open my mouth to respond. "We'll travel twice as fast - at least! And we can't run out of gas."

I watch how Lexa and Madi pull away the rag together to reveal the three bikes underneath, while Strand chooses one of the broken ones and puts it upside down in front of him, examining the broken chain and bent front wheel.

None of them seem to notice that I'm not moving. Like, at all.

"But..." I just murmur.

Lexa looks up at me again as she wheels one of the bikes outside. It's covered in mud, but the bright red color still shines through. "What?" she asks me.

I take a step closer towards her. "We can't take them," I tell her, a little bit under my breath.

As she narrows her eyes her brows furrow. "Why not? There's no one around. And based on these spiderwebs they haven't left just yesterday."

"That's not what I mean." While closing the distance between us I lower my voice even more. "Madi and I, we don't know how to ride them. We never learned. In fact, this is my first encounter with a bicycle."

I know I shouldn't have to feel embarrassed, considering my background and all, but for some reason I do. It's one of those rare moments I feel really silly around Lexa, Strand and everyone else from this world, and Lexa starring at me in disbelief isn't helping.

The moment doesn't take long though. When her eyes light up and a wide grin creeps up her face - not a bad one, just one that says I'm cute - I know she's not going to make fun of me. Which is why I chuckle along when the laughter I was waiting for bursts from her lips.

"You don't think I'm pathetic?" I grin along, though rather sheepishly.

"I think you're endearing," she answers, leaning in to peck my cheek. "Besides, there are plenty of people who never learned. Not just you aliens." She winks, then looks from me to Madi, who's about to join us, and back at me again. "Come on, it's not that hard. I'll teach you."

Lexa tells us to sit on the bikes she and Madi brought outside, keeping our feet on the ground - like I was even thinking of lifting them. The vehicle wobbles between my legs. As Lexa helps Madi to lower her seat, I squeeze the handles until my hands start to sweat.

"You'd better squeeze the brakes instead," Lexa smiles. She's still kneeling down next to Madi's bike, but now her eyes are on my hands. She nods towards what I can only guess are said brakes and do as she says. It helps, the bike stops rolling away, which makes me decide on the spot that I won't let go of them anymore.

Lexa stands up. "Alright. So yes, those are the brakes. Always use both of them. Gradually, if possible, just like when driving a car. Try them. Glide a little, your feet can stay close to the ground. But when you stop, just put only one of them down."

While Madi doesn't have to be told twice, pushing herself forward with her feet before both lifting them up, I'm still trying to remember how to move.

"Clarke?"

"Yeah?"

"You might wanna let go of those brakes."

I blink, then look at Lexa again. "I'm not so sure about that. This whole thing feels very... unnatural."

She laughs. "That's because you're thinking about it too much. Look at Madi. Follow your instinct."

"My instinct tells me I'm not made for two wheels," I mutter.

"Sure you are," she reassures me. With one hand on my back she lays the other one on top of mine. "Trust me. No, trust yourself. Just let go."

I exhale, then slowly let go of the brake. Right then Lexa gives me a gentle push, though without breaking contact. The bicycle starts rolling, slowly and just a few feet, as I make sure to hit the brakes again as soon as it starts to sway.

"Good. Again," Lexa says right next to me.

I do so for a few more times. Nothing I do looks like riding a bike, and when I turn to look at Madi a loud moan escapes me. Without any further instructions from Lexa she's cycling around, for real - feet on the pedals and everything.

"How? How is she doing that?!"

"Like I said," Lexa laughs again, "she's not thinking about it. Despite your earlier words about tripping you are afraid to fall. Don't be, and you're there."

"Easier said than done," I mumble.

Lexa, being the wisest of the two of us, plays deaf and focuses on my pedals instead. When they are in the - apparently - right position her eyes meet mine again. "You'll be fine when you make some actual speed. I promise! Just keep your back straight, your eyes forward... and keep pedaling."

I swallow. "And if I fall?"

"Then you get back up," she tells me in a rather stern voice, yet when I look at her she winks again, then moves her lips to my ear. "Also, I'll kiss away all your pain."

And then I'm doing it. Before I can say anything in return she pushes me away and my bike starts rolling again and this time I don't hit the brakes, but move my feet on the pedals instead. And I don't fall. I'm just doing it.

I'm feeling it, without any further instruction. How to keep my balance. How to make turns, avoid potholes and keep a straight line. I'm feeling it, and I'm loving it.

Nonetheless I consider falling off, just to score some extra kisses, but when I hear Lexa's encouraging cheers and spot her proud face beaming at me I really can't. Besides, something tells me the reward for all this might be even better than a peck or two.

When I finish my little test round by almost flying over the steering wheel, as I haven't really figured out the gradual part yet, Strand steps outside of the barn. He's got grease all over him, the old bike he just fixed looking clean compared to him. It looks stable though.

"Well, look at you," Lexa laughs at him, "the man who once only wore fancy suits!"

Strand wipes his hands on his pants. "Joke all you want, but one day I will again."

"Sure you will," she grins. She might struggle with the concept of hope, but she isn't one to ruin someone else's. "Alright, so you're all set? Let me get mine and we can go."

Lexa disappears into the barn again, only to join us a minute later with a whole different look on her face.

"Really?" she grumbles, "You all got tough mountain bikes and I'm left with... this?!"

"I don't know," I say, checking her bicycle and trying to keep from laughing, "I think pink really fits you."

Clearly amused, Strand nods in agreement. "Nice basket. Look how well those daisies go with your sword!"

Smart enough to ignore our jokes, Lexa turns to Madi with pleading eyes. "Madi, please switch with me?"

But her attempt is futile, as Madi already hits the pedals. "Hell no," she laughs at her over her shoulder, "Now come on, the road is waiting!"

Taking her defeat with grace Lexa gets on her bike.

"You three can keep laughing, or you can try to keep up with me." And with that she takes off, easily catching up with Madi and forcing us to do the same.

Lexa was right, with the bikes we double our speed, making quite some miles in just a few hours. And it's not just fast, it's quite fun as well. That is till things start to get less and less comfortable.

When Lexa catches my huffing and puffing she slows down a little until I'm caught up with her.

Squeezing her eyes she gives me a once-over. "What's up?"

"My butt," I grimace, "it's getting real sore."

My misery makes her chuckle. "Yeah, that's kinda part of the cycling experience, especially when it's been a while - or a first," she smirks sympathetically, "Will be even worse tomorrow! Nothing you won't survive though."

I open my mouth to react, but it's right then when Madi's eager voice interrupts us.

"Look!" she calls from about fifty yards ahead of us.

"What is it?" I ask her as we're getting closer, "More bikes?"

She shakes her head.

"No," she just says, pointing at an old town sign. It's damaged and the paint has faded, but we can all still read the name writtin on it.

It's Madison.

... ...