DAY 97: MADI

As I watch Clarke run off through the bushes, I sit myself down on a fallen oak, giving my tired legs some well-deserved rest after our long hike.

Madison follows my example, taking a seat on the same tree trunk, right next to me. "You two really come as a pack, huh?" she remarks as soon as Clarke is out of sight.

When I turn to look at her, she offers me her water flask. I accept it with a smile, but that doesn't mean I'm not on my guard; I knew this moment would come. The moment she'd start fishing.

"Clarke took me under her wing when I was very young and all alone," I tell her truthfully, "She has taken care of me ever since."

Doing the math in her head, she raises her brows. "She must have been half a kid herself."

"Being young doesn't make you a child," I set her straight.

For a moment she gazes at me, intently, but then a small grin appears on her lips. "You've got me there." And then, sighing, "Though I really wish you were wrong. You're all forced to grow up so fast these days. I might hate that even more than the danger itself."

"Is it true that you used to be a teacher?" I ask, turning the tables before she can question me further.

"Not quite," Madison answers, "I did work at a high school, the one my kids attended, but I didn't teach. I was a guidance counselor."

I stare ahead again, huddling in my coat though it's anything but chilly. "I've never heard of such a job," I mumble, feeling a little embarrassed, "But it sounds important... And nice."

"I just tried to be there for those who needed it," she shrugs, "To help to prepare them for a future that never came."

The sudden sadness in her voice fills the air and leaves me quiet.

Madison, getting the flask back from me, takes a few sips, then asks, "How about your parents? Do you know what they used to do?"

I shift restlessly, glancing at the camp's direction - or what's left of it. There's no sign of Clarke returning any time soon.

Facing Madison again, I shake my head. "I don't know much. They didn't like to talk about their lives before... you know." Like earlier, I'm not lying. I'm just letting her believe their lives ended when hers did as well—when this world went down because of this virus, or whatever—while in reality it was when they had to leave it all behind, protecting me. Or maybe even way before that. When they lost Lexa.

"That's a shame, but I get it. It's the same for many of us, actually, the need we felt—or still feel—to distance ourselves from the past, to be able to handle the present."

"It left me behind with tons of questions though..." I sigh, standing up in the sudden need to move around.

She watches me as I start to sweep some leaves together with my foot. "Yeah, that doesn't sound very fair," she nods understandingly, "Especially when there's no one else left to answer them for you. You don't have any brothers or sisters, do you?"

"I have a sister," I answer her before I can stop myself, "But we didn't get the chance to grow up together..."

Withdrawing my eyes from the dirt around my feet, I peek up at her again. Our eyes meet and she gives me a compassionate smile. "I'm sorry, Madi," she says in a way that makes me believe her. When I stay quiet, Madison gets up as well, continuing in a much lighter tone, "Do you know that they used to call me Maddie, too?"

I snort, amused by the coincidence, but then suddenly fall quiet, raising my hand. "There's someone here!"

We turn around together as one, ready to defend ourselves, right when two figures emerge from the dense foliage. The second I see their faces, I breathe a sigh of relief.

It's Echo and Bellamy.

"Madi!" they exclaim in one voice, "What are you doing here?"

"We came to see Abby," I start to explain after a some brief hugs, "But when we got here, it suddenly looked so deserted. So Clarke wanted to explore first."

"Clarke is over there right now?" Bellamy asks, exchanging a quick glance with Echo.

I nod, then frown, not understanding the uneasiness in his voice. "Why? What's going on?"

Echo, taking a step closer towards me, inhales deeply. Whatever she is going to tell me, I can tell she regrets it already. "Abby was in an accident," she answers as sorrow etches her features, "The Gagarin, it crashed. No one survived."

Her words make me gasp for air.

"She... she lost her mother?"

Shocked and at my wits' end, I look from one to the other. Bellamy just swallows, not knowing what to say. Echo looks as devastated, but rests her hand upon my shoulder nonetheless, as if to ground me. "I know this is a lot, but chances are Clarke is getting this exact same news from Niylah or Octavia right now," she quietly goes on, "We'd better go see her."

They turn around, about to lead us the way, but then seem to change their minds and face Madison instead.

"Who are you?" Bellamy asks her.

"Madison," she answers calmly, "I'm—"

"She's a friend," I quickly cut in. When she doesn't correct or complete me, we share a look of understanding. Friend will do. At least for now.

The answer seems to be enough for Bellamy too. He simply tilts his head, inviting us to follow them.

While we cross the short distance to their, as I soon learn, temporary quarters, they give me a quick update on the past few weeks, during which everyone but the four of them have left the area. Intending to eventually join Raven, Shaw, Murphy and Emori in Alexandria, they chose to stay behind in case Clarke would return—all agreeing that she deserved the chance to find out what had happened.

We reach their small, self-built stay and enter it without another word. As soon as I get inside, I see her down on the floor; collapsed, writhing and whimpering as if in physical pain. Niylah is sitting next to her, trying to offer her comfort, but Clarke doesn't seem to notice. Wherever she is, it's not here.

I speed towards her and drop to my knees to capture her in my arms. When I pull her close to me, her body turns limp like a stringless puppet. For a second I wonder if she realizes it's me, but when her eyes find mine, I can tell that she does.

"She died," she sobs, "She died, Madi. She just... died."

As heavy tears roll down her cheeks, she keeps repeating that horrible truth - over and over and over again.

"I know," I softly hush, rocking her back and forth. "I know. I'm so sorry."

I'm not even sure if she hears me, but I simply don't know what else to say or do.

And so we sit like this, with me holding her tight, until I can feel how her breathing evens out and her racing heartbeat finally slows down a bit. Yet I know we're not there. Not even close. She's just beaten. Exhausted by this first wave of hurt.

Not able to stop crying, her panting sobs now turn into silent tears. That's when she looks up at me again.

"I need her," she quietly wails, her voice hoarse and broken.

"I know you do, Clarke," I whisper, stroking her wet cheek while fighting my own tears. "I know, but she's gone now."

I lean in, about to kiss the top of her head, but she moves away, making sure my eyes are still on hers.

"I need her," she tells me again, "I-I need her here."

Swallowing hard, I shake my head. "I'm sorry, I wish—"

But then it hits me. She's not talking about Abby.

I look up, facing the others. "Lexa," I tell no one in particular, "She's asking for Lexa."

Niylah, still sitting closest, clears her throat. When she speaks up, she sounds uncomfortable. A little worried even. "Madi, Lexa died as well. You know that, right? You told us yourself."

"I know we... I know that's uhm... what we said," I stammer. Taking a deep breath, I force myself to keep going. "But... she didn't. Die, I mean. We made that up. To... to set her free."

Blinking in disbelief, Niylah leans closer. "H-Heda is alive?!"

"Yes," I nod, before rapidly shaking my head, "N-No, I mean. Lexa is. Just Lexa."

Bellamy coughs, making me gaze up at him. "Madi, what are you saying?"

I stare back at him, then at everyone else, one by one. I see them, register their confused faces, including Madison's. The many questions in their eyes. But I can't care about that right now. I can only care about Clarke.

So instead of answering Bellamy, I look at Echo.

"She's hiding at Hilltop," I tell her. "Please go find her. Please bring—" No longer able to hold it together, I break down. Pleading through my tears, I try one more time. "Please bring her home."

... ...