Light filtered through the trees above, my back pressed flat to the soft pine covered flooring of the forest. The babble of a stream nearby colored the air with life as I soaked in the warmth of the summer. Hands as cold as ice played with my hair, but as I tried to tip my head back to look upon the owner of those hands, I heard a feminine laugh and my eyes were covered. "Stop it! I told you that it's too soon, wait until I'm done!" This was a voice I had only heard in my dreams, yet it felt so familiar. Resigning in my loss, I tipped my head forward and earned my vision back, instead my eyes traced the blue fabric that spread out around me like a pool of water. It shone in the light, and I had become intimately familiar with the weight and length of this particular garment.
"Why am I always in this?" I wondered aloud, picking up the circular skirt that was soft and slippery in my fingers.
"Another question I can't answer yet." The woman laughed, and in the corner of my vision red hair that didn't belong to me fluttered in the wind.
"Well who are you?" I asked incredulously.
"My golly little bird, you do have a lot of questions." She tsked. "Just let me work."
"Well what am I supposed to call you if you don't give me a name?" I raised my eyebrows, challenging the way I knew best.
"Call me…" She paused as she thought it over, as if she wasn't trying to give away too much. "Blessing." Her voice picked up a slightly southern accent as the world fell from her lips.
"That's mighty pompus of you." I teased, feeling at ease enough to do so.
"It will make sense, little bird." Blessing laughed as she stroked my hair gently, undoing whatever braid she had started.
"Why do you call me that?" Curiosity stabbed through me.
"Well why wouldn't I?" A pale and glittering hand booped my nose before returning to my hair, leaving behind a cold spot.
"I dont think I'm very bird-like." I flipped my hands through the air, watching as they passed through the light without an extraordinary effect.
"Because, you are a free spirit little bird, so hard to catch sometimes." Blessing sighed, almost as if she was lost in thought for a moment. When she spoke again it was like she chose her words very carefully. "I've been trying for a while. You're always just fluttering out of reach."
"What do you mean?" I wanted to flip around and face Blessing so bad, but I knew that wasn't what she wanted right now, so I took her word without a face to back it up with.
"Well now you've been easy to catch, somethings got you caged, grief maybe… but normally you're feisty." She chuckled. "I can't stay for much longer, little bird. Just keep yourself safe."
"You too Blessing." I whispered back as the dream faded to black.
I woke up with a start, my face pressed against a cold hard surface. Slowly my eyes adjusted to the surroundings, my pajamas cold and damp. I was laying in my backyard, my face had been resting against one of the stone pavers that had been cleared of snow. Shivering, I pushed myself from the ground and walked up to the back door, but with a hard tug, discovered it was locked. "Shit." I mumbled, crossing my arms over myself and curled my bare toes against the chill of the ground.
Of course, I never wore season appropriate pajamas. The unfortunate choice of the night had been a spaghetti strap tank top, which now clung to me like a second skin, and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, which were now filled with snow as they were too long on me. My hair was also down and in a tangled mess around my face, the wind ripping it left and right as it blew snow into my eyes and nose. While I sent out a silent prayer, I made my way around the house through knee deep snow, hoping with all my might that the front door was unlocked by some freak accident.
Things, of course, never work out for me, and I found myself scrunched in a ball on my front porch fifteen minutes later. My usually comfy pajamas clinging to me in the awkward semi-frozen matter of a snow drenched item. Man, Edward, you better be on your way or something. I thought into the bitter cold void. It had been a week since they had all yelled at me for the sleepwalking incident, though I hadn't sleepwalked again since New Year's Eve.
I understood their concern, appreciated it even, but there was no system in place to watch me due to the freak accident of the event. Of course, I now regretted that, plus Dad and Maddie wouldn't be back for hours. Man. He really needs to go back on days. Just then, the whole front porch was washed in the brilliance of headlights mixed with the rhythmic changing of police lights. I heard the door pop open, the stressed barks from the back seat, and the crunch of snow under foot.
"Baby!" My father's voice washed over me like warmth and safety. He came running forward and swooped me up in his arms. His work issued jacket brushing against me as he pulled me into the warmest hug I'd felt in all my life. "What are you doing outside!" He cupped my face as he pulled away, his eyes scanning for injury.
There was no way out of it now, I knew that. With a great deal of reluctance, I admitted to him what had happened. "I woke up out here…"
I watched my father's face fall, going from concern to pure shock. "Shit… it's starting again?"
His cussing had taken me aback at first, but the last word caught in my brain like a sock snagging on a loose floorboard. "Again?" I asked, my fingers pausing the impulsive fidget with my thumb ring.
"You're sleepwalking. It started again?" He said it like it was nothing and everything all at once.
"What? I've done this before!?" My back went rigid as I straightened up, the implication echoing in my head.
"You don't remember? You were five when it finally stopped, had your mother worried sick." He pulled me into another hug then plunged his hand into his jacket and fished out his keys. "Here baby, let's get you inside." He swooped his arm behind me to help me to my numb feet as he jammed the key in the front door and unlocked it.
"How did you know I needed help?" I asked as my body crossed the threshold.
"I got a voicemail from the security company that the alarm had gone off on one of the doors, and when you didn't answer my calls I knew something was wrong." Dad responded gruffly as he knocked the door shut with his shoe, leaving Maddie in the cruiser while it ran, lights still flashing.
"Wait… alarm?" I spun to face him, my eyes wide, mind reeling.
"Yeah kiddo, I have an alarm I set before I leave." He sighed, ushering me towards the stairs. "I installed it after the break in, did you never notice the panel next to the thermostat in the entry?" My head whipped around as we rounded the corner to the stairs, catching the flat panel right next to the thermostat that I literally never touched.
"What!?" I looked at him with bewilderment wrought on my face, earning a laugh. "And you never told me the code?"
"Didn't need to, the company just calls me directly, since I am the police." Up the stairs we went, my mind reeling endlessly. He must have seen my hesitation in my steps and knew what was happening mentally. "It's only active at the time of your established curfew." He said with a laugh, rolling his eyes as we hit the top of the stairs. "If you're sneaking in and out, you aren't triggering it, and I trust you kiddo."
Man, do I really only ever come in and go out through the windows after ten p.m.? That has to be true. Well thank god he didn't put alarms on the windows too. I thought thankfully, poking a tiny bit of mental fun at myself for my uncanny habit of sneaking out without actually trying to sneak out.
My heart's thundering pace relaxed as I stumbled into my room, but as I flicked on my light my heart dropped. I had thrown all of my pillows off the bed in my sleep, and apparently in my stumble of a sleepwalk, I had knocked over one of the potted plants in my room. The poor snake plant sat on its side in front of my door with potting soil scattered around it. When Dad followed me seconds later, he gasped and froze in the doorway. I kept walking like it was nothing, making my way to my dresser to fish out new warm clothes.
"I'm going to change in the bathroom…" I mumbled, snagging my phone from the charger on my way out the door. Once I made the short trek to the bathroom I turned on the hot water faucet of the sink and stood on the floor register. Peeling off my clothes was awful, and an experience I never want to do again. As I threw my clothes to the ground with a wet slap, I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was tangled and wild, my skin red with cold, and my knees scraped from a possible fall during my nocturnal escapade.
I could hear my dad cleaning my room up down the hall, then the sound of my phone buzzing on the bathroom counter. When I glanced down I saw the name and face that filled the screen, Edward was calling me. Staring at the picture I had snapped of him during the Alaska trip. His smile was easy, eyes warm, and I could almost hear his laugh at that moment. After a moment of hesitation, I reached forward and picked up. "Arabella!?" His voice cracked through the speaker before I even had time to bring it up to my ear.
"I'm fine," I whispered, "just come by in like thirty minutes." I hung up before he could respond. Determined and cold, I set to work washing and rinsing my face with the hot water, then detangling my hair with various products and combs. After that was done I put on my new dry pajamas and left the bathroom.
Dad was just finishing up with cleaning the soil from the floor when I came in. He had righted my plant and placed all my pillows back on my bed. "I'm going to call Charlie and switch with him. I don't want you alone at night anymore." He said as he marched over and gave me a huge hug.
"But then we don't get dinners together." I mumbled into his shoulder.
"No, honey, we just hired another deputy. Charlie and I won't have to work twelves and opposite of each other after next week. I just don't want to risk it." He brushed my now smooth hair back gently. "You're everything to me Ari, I can't lose you too."
"You won't dad, I promise." I responded with a thick voice while fighting the tears from my eyes. "I'll be fine for the rest of the night, promise." I glanced at the clock, 2am shone bright, and made it officially the first day back to school. What a wonderful way to start the new semester. I thought with bitterness.
"I don't know honey, you don't remember what it was like last time." He pulled back, appraising me again like he was expecting to notice something wrong that he had missed the first time.
"Dad, I will be fine. Four more hours of sleep. You can call me at any time and you know I will wake up. If I don't answer you can come and check on me." I attempted to reason with him, knowing I would be safe regardless of if I fell asleep or not seeing as Edward would be right there.
He stayed silent for a moment, thinking over the compromise like it was the hardest decision of his life. "Fine." He mumbled, leaning forward and kissing the top of my head. "Get to sleep kiddo, I will check on you in a couple hours." With a sturdy couple pats on my shoulder, he walked from my bedroom and began the descent down the stairs to the car where Maddie, without a doubt, impatiently waited.
I barely made it across my room to switch from the overhead light to the lamps before Edward threw open the sash and jumped through to land on my window seat. I was wrapped in his arms tightly a moment later, crushed into his chest like he was trying to make my heart beat for him as well. "Never scare me like that again." His words were breathless and spilled across me like honey. We stood like that for long enough that my feet started hurting, and as soon as the thought of discomfort entered my mind I felt Edward sweep me off my feet and deposit me in the bed. My heart was so full it may as well have cracked open in that moment and spilled onto the floor all the contents within.
"Eddie…" The words died on my lips before I could speak them, shuttering to a stop inside me. What am I doing? What has gotten into me? The questions rang in my mind, but I silently hoped he wasn't listening. He stood next to the bed, nearly shaking, but his eyes danced around the room nervously. I shifted slightly, pulling my feet up from the floor, before reaching my hand out to catch his fidgeting fingers and draw his eyes down to meet mine. My mouth fell open as words continued to be born and die on my lips, the air I drew only swirling past my teeth to come back empty. How could I speak what I needed, what I wanted, after all this time? There were no words for the hollowness in my chest, for the fissure left by him that ran down my soul. All I had was the solid touch of hands to keep me anchored. The sound of wind whistling through my open window to keep my nerves alert and screaming. A view of black hungry eyes to simmer beneath.
Unsure of who really started first, I found myself choked of air as my lungs hitched, my hand reaching up to tangle in bronze hair, my eyes widening as faces drew nearer. When we finally collided it was like everything over the last year came crashing to a halt before ceasing to exist because this was something new. There was something hungry about this kiss, desperate, like it was going to be the last one we would ever experience. I was firm in my belief that had we kissed at the end of his driveway that day, this would have been the kiss. However, this kiss wasn't the end, it was a terrible and beautiful new beginning. I could feel that so clearly in the way his fingers brushed through my hair and down my side. Each point of pressure setting my nerves on fire and burning away the last grips of cold that had remained from waking up outside. It wasn't until I started to feel dizzy that I realized I hadn't inhaled again, and thus the spell was broken and he pulled away.
I crashed back onto the bed, only now realizing that I had stood to meet him along the way, and watched as he breathlessly backed to the window. Fear flashed through me that he had taken the kiss as a true goodbye, but was quickly snuffed out as he shut the window. When he turned back around I watched his eyes study me, the black depths of them holding questions that seemed to die on his tongue the same as any died on mine. There were no words that could be exchanged that hadn't already been, so instead he settled onto the bed next to me.
I don't know how long we sat like that, staring into each other's eyes, but I felt the night dragging me down into the covers of my bed as he surely saw it on my face. Without communicating it, we both moved in sync with one another, sweeping under my covers and falling into our old spots like the nine months since last march never existed. Before I knew it, I was drifting off again, this time into a dreamless sleep.