Morning of July 4th
The clock read a time far too early for a holiday, but alas I was pushing myself out of bed. With a sad glance at the right side of a bed that seemed to only get bigger as time went on I shoved my feet in my slippers and shuffled out of my bedroom door. The less time I could spend in that room the better, even if that meant crashing on the couch and breaking my back, but sometimes you just needed your bed. Everything in the room on her side was still the same as it was three years ago when she had hurriedly gotten ready. Her perfume didn't fill the air anymore, but it sat on the windowsill right where she had absentmindedly set it that morning.
The walls were still lilac purple, just as she had painted them three weeks before we brought Arabella home. Her slippers still sat haphazardly in front of her full length mirror, which was draped with the flannel she always slept in. It really looked like she might come walking back in the room joking about forgetting her sunglasses, which sat on the dresser just an arms length away from her mirror. The vanity she had painted white sat in the corner, still untouched after she helped Ari do her makeup and hair for picture day that same day. The drawers of the vanity holding just as many memories as the delicate flowers she and Ari had painstakingly painted on one random summer day sat vibrantly against the stark white. The only thing I had changed was now those drawers didn't hold the letter I had given Arabella on her sixteenth birthday.
Despite the sameness of the room over the last three years, something felt different about today. I wandered down the hall and heard the brief stumble of Arabella tripping in her room, a smile tugging on my face just slightly as I imagined her sleepy steps about her cluttered room. The sound of muffled talking filtered through her door, and I figured she was likely on the phone with Edward. Those two always seemed to be talking to one another, some nights I could swear I heard them talking until she fell asleep. On one school night in particular I could hear her speaking to him in a hushed tone and I had had half a mind to confiscate her phone and laptop just so she could get some sleep. Unfortunately, I was acutely aware of how well she did in school despite the odd late night, so I would let it slide on the rare night I heard her muffled words filtering through the shared bedroom walls. Kids deserve some secrets and privacy too.
As I made it down the stairs officially, I gazed into the living room where the unfortunately outdated family photo hung, taunting me with old memories. Shaking my head I made my way into the kitchen and started up the pot of coffee, waiting the prerequisite amount of time before quickly swiping the pot off the burner and filling my cup. After a few sips I sighed and gave in to the desire that seemed to overtake me like a horrible beast. The cap was off the bourbon before I realized what I was doing, and suddenly my morning coffee had the kick to it that I seemed to function best under these days. Any real regret I held about drinking was numbed by the drinking, and so I sat myself at the kitchen table and waited for my ray of sunshine to step through the door.
"What's the plan for the parade today?" I asked with a smile, realizing I hadn't asked her for the specifics.
"I'm going to meet Gaia at the school, get ready there, and then after that Edward and I are going to watch the fireworks and have dinner." Her smile was already bright, but with Edward's name it seemed to radiate. "Are you working the parade today?" Her eyes widened in the way they always did when she was nervous, and it seemed like she was barely containing it, but I chose to not say anything on the matter of her mannerisms and chose to simply answer her question.
"Yeah, Charlie put me on parade duty so I could be home for the fireworks." I fought to hide my smirk, raising my coffee and resting it against my lips while taking a small sip, leaving the mug there long enough to regain composure.
"Well I am parade float number 1618 so keep an eye out for me, yeah?" She knocked the table twice, a habit she had picked up from her mother. Gwen had always made it a point to knock twice when she was giving important information, or needed to remember something. She always said it was better than a string because it knocked some sense back in there.
The action pulled my hand forward against my will, making me catch her's in mine as I spoke. "Always." I felt the urge to cry as the memory of her mother rapping the table just the same resurfaced. "Your mother would be so proud of you." I witnessed the crack of her heart behind her eyes, and recognized the use of a sip of coffee to hide and recoup.
"How about I make waffles." I smiled and set the coffee down, letting go of her hand and walking to the fridge. "Think you have time to spare in your royal calendar today to give your old man some quality time?"
"Always." Arabella grinned back at me, even though I could tell she was planning every second she would have to adjust for now that she couldn't immediately run upstairs to get ready. It was the look she always got before she did what she often described as a "speed run."
"Good, now how do you want your eggs?" I smiled as I opened the fridge and pulled out the eggs and bacon.
She rolled her eyes in mock disbelief. "Scrambled, dad, obviously!"
"Oh my sincerest apologies, your majesty, I shall never make the mistake again!" I gave a deep bow and ignored the way the blood rushed to my face, then turned and got to work.
When it was finally time for me to leave for work, I poked my head into the living room to see Arabella sitting with her feet over the back of the couch and a book four inches from her nose. I felt the smile creep onto my face as I snuck out the door, not wanting to disturb her favorite activity.
The parade
The amount of pride I held in my heart for my daughter as I marched alongside float 1618, which was luckily her float. There was a beautiful blue dress billowing out around her while Gaia sat in the bed of the truck pulling the float, snapping pictures of the float and the parade goers alike. Just like her dad. I chuckled to myself as I began watching the crowd. After a while I spotted Sam, Jake, and the boys from the reservation that Arabella always hung out with. The moment they spotted her they let out a huge roar, arms throwing in the air and whooping. So much joy filled my heart knowing my sweet and shy daughter had broken out of her shell and had a group of people who made her brave enough to stand in front of the entire town and wave like a Princess.
The buzz from the bourbon had worn off with the physical activity, and even as the crushing weight of reality set in slowly, I was able to distract myself with the look of pure joy on Arabella's face. Out of nowhere I flinched back as something flew past my face, but Arabella snatched it out of the air with an accuracy that only athleticism could grant. Her smile only grew as she looked at the object in her hands, then reached up and blew a kiss as she placed what she had caught on her head.
One of the children that was sitting on the curb had thrown a plastic tiara with blue jewels on it, and something about the little girl reminded me so much of Ari when she was little that I nearly cried right then. It was like glimpsing at the past as I turned to gaze at the present where the halo of fiery red whipped in the wind and was topped with a delicate toy crown.
My princess wasn't just my personal ray of sunshine, she was other's as well. She was so much more than I realized she ever would be, ever since that day Charlie set her in front of me while he called the hospital. That's my girl.
The fireworks
I held the metal water bottle in my hand, the contents sloshing as I cut through the crowd clumsily. The uniform had come off hours ago, so nobody who knew I was on the force paid me any mind. Just an off-duty officer enjoying a city sanctioned activity and not busting anyone's balls for possible illicit acts. The only teenager I cared about at the moment was my own, who I now scanned the crowd for. It wasn't hard to find her usually, her red hair always stood out just enough in these crowds, unfortunately the red white and blueness of everything made it a tad harder.
My eyes finally landed on her, and she was standing behind both of Edward's brothers and Edward himself, some redhead who I didn't recognize standing just in front of the boys. Probably one of her friends from school. I dismissed it as I weaved through a group of teenagers who were attempting to be totally not obvious about the fact that they were drinking wine coolers that were more sugar than alcohol. When I glanced up again I realized the situation was less than friendly, and the thought crossed my mind as I slipped behind another group. My god has that Jasper boy always been so big?
My eyes widened as I saw the tell tale signs of a fight about to break out, and I started moving to diffuse the situation or remove Arabella before it got too bad. "Hey! Whoa whoa whoa! What's happening here?" I called out as I pushed past the last people and made it into the tiny space that the Cullen's always seemed to have around them, like people were afraid to approach.
Arabella's shoulders dropped and she shook her head, her eyes pleading as I locked onto her. "Dad, it's okay."
"Are you sure…" I pulled my gaze from her to the boys I trusted just about as much as any father would, to the girl. I was hit suddenly with a sense of familiarity, the girl's face looked so oddly similar to Arabella's yet entirely different. An almost undeniable relation could be tied between the two redheads, though a few years created a difference that was easily noticed. "Who is this?"
"Dad, this is Beatrice." She said nervously, and my hackles practically raised. Chewing on her lips always gave her away, but the deer in the headlights expression truly sealed it. "My… sister."
My jaw dropped almost immediately, my head buzzing so loud I was only vaguely aware of the big Emmett boy speaking. In an attempt to muster my courage I scratched the back of my neck and rallied, feeling myself suddenly sober as I thought about the implications. "How long have you, uh, known?"
"She found me right before the parade. Had a letter and everything." Her words hit me, she had a letter.
I was speaking before I even knew it, asking the question I feared the most in a huff of air. "And your… biological parents?" My eyes flit from Arabella to this girl, her sister, Beatrice.
"Dead." When Bearice spoke it seemed almost like she might cry, like the wounds were still fresh, but her eyes remained unbelievably dry. "Pa died just after Arabella was born, Mama was about three years ago." Beatrice tore her eyes away from me and pinned them on Arabella, almost like she was telling her for the first time.
I nodded and dropped my eyes to the ground. "Oh." I felt terrible for the news, and even more terrible that I was relieved. Good. I thought, they can't take my baby away from me. They can't come back and say they've changed their minds and they want to be her parent again. She's still mine.
"Three years?" I ripped my eyes away from the ground just as she spoke, her boyfriend's arm wrapping around her and both the other boys looking like they might leap into action to do anything she says. She has this family wrapped around her finger… Atta girl.
"Oh, honey." I said, stepping forward to pull her into a hug of my own. Suddenly the stadium lights turned off and blinded me for a disorienting second. The fireworks were starting. I heard the movement of everyone taking their seats, but I couldn't just sit there knowing what I know. I couldn't just watch the happy things when I could see the look on Ari's face the moment she smelled my breath.
I need to go home. I thought desperately, looking around to locate Charlie. When I finally found him I had sobered entirely and lost my water bottle along the way. "Charlie!" I shouted over the thunderous boom in my chest from the pyrotechnics and explosives. His eyes found me and I saw the matched concern, he could smell the bourbon too. "Charlie! I'm going home, keep an eye on Ari for me?"
"Derek, I can't let you drive like this." He shook his head, sympathy and maybe a bit of exasperation clear on his face. "And if you're just going home to get more to drink I-"
"I'm going to pour it all down the drain, Charlie." I interrupted, setting my hand on his shoulder and looking deep in his eyes. "I'm doing it for Arabella." I felt my face begin to twist with sadness. "She deserves better than this." That was when I saw the look begin to settle onto Charlie's face.
"Call me if you need anything, I'll watch her." Charlie clapped me on the shoulder, his face now entirely taken over with pride.
"Thank you." I pulled him into a quick hug, feeling incredibly grateful for having Charlie as a friend. "She has plans to get dinner with Edward Cullen after the fireworks, just keep an eye on her up till then."
"Will do." Charlie smiled as we pulled away from the hug. "Good luck."
I walked away from Charlie and the fireworks as they continued to paint the night sky in brilliant pops of color, determined to make my baby girl proud.
Beatrice's POVThree years ago
I woke up being shaken by the rough hands of Grandmama, the light in my room flickering to life. "Mamaw what!" I groaned and tried to roll away, I had only just gotten to sleep after my shift at the diner and I could still smell the syrup I had been too tired to shampoo from my hair.
"Blessin' get up! Your mama's called!" Her tone was urgent but it barely registered to my tired mind. She could have been telling me Abraham Lincoln called and wanted me to give him his shoelaces back for all I knew or cared.
"Tell her to call back, I'm tryna sleep." I grumbled and buried my head deeper in my pillow.
"Beatrice Foley! If you do not get out of this bed when I tell you!" A hard WHACK of a pillow punctuated the sentence as Grandmama continued. "Your mama called and you need to get the hell up!" She never cussed, even using "hell" was a big deal to me, and for that reason I sat up bolt straight and stared at her with wide eyes.
"What happened?" I hadn't seen Mama since about a year ago, right after my eighteenth birthday. She had sent her love for my nineteenth and promised to try to be home soon, but something was telling me that wasn't going to happen. Mama was always a blind spot for me. I could always tell you what was bound to happen just before it did, but I could never predict it with her. Grandmama always said it was because Mama never kept her mind set anymore, not unless it was very important, but I felt like there was something else, like her mind had built a wall against me over the last decade.
"I think you better listen to your voicemail Blessin'." Grandmama held out my phone, sure enough there was a voicemail lighting up my notifications, it was from just ten minutes ago.
How did I just miss her? I thought nervously as I took the phone from Grandmama's hand. She stroked my hair gently for a second before walking out the door, her slippers shuffling against the wood floor as she stepped out the room. With an odd mix of hesitancy and urgency I opened the voicemail and raised the phone to my ear.
Mama's voice broke through the speaker, the background sounding hectic as she attempted to make her voice as calm as possible. "Babygirl! My love, I'm so sorry I missed you, you're probably fast asleep right now. I hope you have some sweet dreams." My heart swelled as I heard her voice, something feeling off, something feeling like a goodbye. "I just wanted to let you know I love you sooo much, you mean the world to me, my sweet Blessing." I heard her voice start to thicken in the way that it did whenever she talked about Pa or Arabella. "No matter what happens next, remember that I love ya sweet pea, and that I'm so incredibly proud of you. You don't know it yet, but you're goin' big places." A shaky breath was drawn as I heard a clatter on the other side of the phone. "Your daddy would be so proud of you." The voicemail ended there, and my face felt slick with tears. My throat had all but closed up as I choked back my sobs.
"Mamaw!" I yelled as I jumped from my bed, calling Mama back as I kicked my blankets back, but her phone only rang through to voicemail. "Mamaw! What happened!" I ran out my bedroom door and around the corner of the hall, into the living room.
"She said you gotta go to Washin'ton. She said go straight there, don't stop."
"What's in Washington Mamaw?"
"Arabella."
"What. What do you mean? Mamaw, what happened to Mama!?"
"Some things you're better of not knowin' baby girl."
I bit my lip as it quivered, feeling the small little speck of light in me die slowly. There was no other way to say it in my mind so I just let the words fall from my mouth. "She's dead, ain't she?" Grandmama's silence said it all. She had always presented herself as a scary woman, but after watching so much of her family die, she never had the heart to remind me of who I'd lost.
Numbly, I walked back to my room, sat at my desk, and replayed the voicemail from my mother over and over again. Hours passed as I stared at my phone where I had thrown it sometime after the fifth listen. Her words now burned into my brain like they had been branded there with loving hands and a hot iron. Grandmama left for work at the diner, which left only me in the house when the police showed up.
They had found Mama's body in Calgary, Texas. Animal attack, they said. Get a lot of those out there. They'd said.
After fighting with Grandmama for around three days about leaving for Washington, it was time for Mama's funeral. I sat in a small black dress with a pair of heels in front of me, taunting me. "Your Mama use to find you just waltz'n about in those after you dug 'em out of her closet." Grandmama said as she leaned against the door. She was the only family I had left now, other than the baby sister I never met. According to Grandmama, Arabella would be fourteen now, but I found it so weird. There's a whole person out there that I will forever be tied to- who knew nothing about me.
"I don't wanna wear them now." I sniffled, kicking the heels away from me and ignoring the look of sad sympathy Grandmama wore.
"Your mama would want nothin' more."
"Well she's dead. Isn't she." I glared up, glad that I only had to fend for myself, fully aware that Arabella wouldn't have to worry about losing a parent or feeling the harder things in life. The only heart that would need guarding would be my own, and that I could manage just fine.
"Beatrice Marie Foley," Grandmama used her special tone of voice. "You will put those heels on and go to that funeral makin' your mama proud." She pointed her finger angrily, small tears blooming in her eyes with the extra effort she expended in her sentence. As time went on she used the special tone less and less, only when it really mattered or when she needed someone to listen.
Against my will, I reached out and grabbed the heels, pushing my feet into them and standing up. "Guess we better go to the funeral." I said, throwing the bitter tone in my voice as I teetered out the door.
Once the funeral ended I sat on my bed chewing my bottom lip, now dressed in my usual attire of jeans and whatever Aeropostale shirt was clean at the time. I picked at the letters that ran down my side before I glanced up at the door. Grandmama stood in my doorway, a creamy envelope clasped in her hand and a sad look on her face. "Your mama told me that if she ever left and didn't come back, I was supposed to give this to you." She cleared her throat and held out the envelope. With hesitant hands I took it and nodded, spotting my mother's handwriting addressing it to me. I thoroughly could not handle another thing in the day so I folded it in half, noting the feel of a small solid object in the bottom of the letter. After folding it I slid it into my back pocket and turned my eyes back to Grandmama. "I know what it's like to lose a mama at a young age."
"Mamaw?" I said stunned, my jaw dropping ever so slightly. She never talked about her life before me, and she really never talked about her family.
"Your mama and my sissy, Mary Alice, and you." She paused, setting a hand on her heart, then took a deep breath. "Y'all have and had the same gift. Mary was never trusted by our daddy 'cause of it, and when I saw it in your mama I knew I had to protect her." She wrung her hands and sighed. "I didn't realize until Ally started gettin' older that she would know things I never did, but sure enough she figured it all out."
"What do you mean?"
"I was warned not to tell ya too much, that you had to learn it on yer own…" She sighed, turning her head to look down the hall and out the front door. "Just read that and if you got any questions…" She trailed off, but I knew exactly what she meant.
"Will do…" I turned my eyes down to my hands, the chipped black glitter polish glinting in the dim light.
I stared at the bus ticket on the desk, my bookbag sitting beside it. I had stuffed it with jeans and shirts, and now I stared at the envelope that over the last three days I couldn't bring myself to open. Grandmama didn't say anything or ask questions, and the house remained in some kind of odd limbo where both eggshells and sledgehammers resided. My mother had always told me that I was too much like Grandmama for my own good, and now I saw it. Both of us were quiet and sweet and gentle to one another until the pressure built up, and then we were saying harsh words in hurtful tones.
With a sigh I swept up the bus ticket and the envelope and shoved them in the back pocket of my jeans, then threw the book bag over my shoulder and walked out to the kitchen. "I don't leave for another hour Mamaw. You wanna have dinner?" I asked as I dropped the bag on the floor near the door.
"I was hopin' you'd say that." She smiled at me from the table, several peeled potatoes sitting in front of her. "Why don't you cut these potatoes and boil 'em for me. I'm gonna make potato soup."
"Yes ma'am." I grinned and scooped up the potatoes, setting to work.
After about fifteen minutes of cooking and humming in the kitchen with Grandmama, feeling like the old times for just a split second, I heard a knock at the door. "I'll get it, you keep on chopping." Grandmama pointed at me demandingly before shuffling out the door.
The front door broke off it's hinges as a man leapt through, taking Grandmama to the ground and sinking his teeth in her neck. He finished with her in seconds, lunging for me next and only stopping when a woman yelled his name.
I gasped and dropped the knife, never having seen such a prominent image in my mind. "Mamaw no!" I hollered, spinning on my toes and leaping towards the kitchen door just in time to see her turning the knob. "Don't!" I threw my hand out, wishing I had her special way with words.
It was too late, she turned the handle and saw something she recognized all too well based on her reaction. She had a split second to turn and yell at me with her special words before the man overtook her. "Beatrice! Run!" My feet were moving before I knew what was happening. I was leaving my grandmother behind to die as I swept up my bookbag and bolted out the backdoor. I was halfway between the house I had grown up in and the edge of the marsh when I felt something collide with me that felt more like a boulder than a human.
When I flipped over I saw crimson red eyes staring at me. "Gerard! I told you I was keeping this one." A sharp woman's voice cut through the air.
"Yes, Maria." The man growled, pulling me up from the ground and holding me in a rough grip.
"I've heard stories about the women in your bloodline." The woman named Maria said as she walked closer to me, her crimson eyes becoming clearer as she got closer. "You could be of great service to me."
"You killed my Mamaw." I spat, anger building in me.
"Technically, Gerard did." She smirked, moving forward and placing her hand on my jaw. "But you'll get over that in time."
I wasn't sure how I did it, I'd never done it before, but as I stared in the eyes of the woman who was about to do god knows what to me I imagined all the horrible things I could do to her. I imagined shoving the ice cold hand that gripped my face down her throat and suffocating her. I imagined a fire burning across her entire body, reducing her to ashes and memory. She sucked in a breath and stared at me in disbelief, a smile spreading on her face. "And the stories don't disappoint."
Everything was burning. My whole body felt like it was dipped in acid. My throat had ripped raw with my screams of agony.
Everything was so clear when I opened my eyes, but there was a lack of a noise I had heard my entire life. The steady thump thump thump no longer existed. My new life seemed to be one with more advantages and upper hands than what being a human had allowed, but something was telling me that as years ticked on it would hold many more losses and "never to be" situations.