Seeing your dad in a hospital gown, looking smaller than he had looked even when you climbed the tallest tree you could, was never an experience someone could understand until they experienced it. He looked pale from the bloodloss, and even in the cloudiest city in the cloudiest state, he had never looked pale before. Dad was always so golden, it took a while for me to realize that, but he always looked like a drop of sunlight that had fallen to earth. His hair was chestnut brown and always shiny, but now it even looked a little lifeless as it was dampened with sweat. They had just finished changing his wrappings and the movement had made him sweat harder than I had ever seen. He was barely ever awake now, and I barely ever left the chair. Carlisle had swung by a couple of times now and again to get me to eat, at some point he insisted on changing my bandages from my stuntman moment of flinging myself from a moving vehicle. Now I just sat there staring at my dad who needed help breathing. He looked so miniscule it was almost like I could drop him in my pocket and carry him out of here.
My shattered phone sat on my leg as I curled into the chair, absentmindedly tracing the almost two year old scar along my leg. The screen lit up and I vaguely acknowledged that it was a text from Gaia stating she was on her way up, I just kept staring at him. I was afraid to touch him, afraid to speak too loud because he may shatter at the sound. The man who had always been made of steel was rendered to glass in my mind, and I was nothing but stones.
"Hey." Gaia whispered as she opened the door slowly, a sad smile on her face. "Paul wanted to be here, I told him not to come though. Didn't want to crowd you." I forced a smile onto my face, appreciative of the fact that Gaia was always looking out for me. "How are you holding up?"
I shook my hand in the "so-so" motion as I turned my eyes back to dad. No sense in lying, she'd be able to call me out from a mile away anyways. "I think I finally understand why dad said no more extreme sports." I tried not to laugh as the twisted reality set in. "If I knew he would listen, I'd never let him work for the police department again."
"I get it." Gaia whispered, wandering over to me and placing her hand on my shoulder. I felt immense sympathy, knowing that just a few years ago she sat in this hospital on a different floor, fearing the news from the burn unit. Gi's mother was a hero all the same, now with the scars to back it up as well. It was amazing how imperfectly perfect our parents were, and even more amazing that moments like these made them more human. Growing up, Dad had always seemed like a God. He was omnipresent in my life, even when I thought he wasn't going to make it to my coach pitch softball game, I would turn around and there he was, standing in the crowd cheering right beside Mom.
Every cut and scrape, every bump and bruise, he was right there to make it better. When Mom died, Dad became more human than I had seen him. Over the years since her death, he has remained in that image of humankind… but now? Now he looked small, miniaturized in the harsh fluorescent lighting. I was almost an orphan. Whatever was smaller than human on my arbitrary scale, I was it. I may as well have been an ant scuttling around in comparison. The world is entirely too large for my Dad to not be in it. He must feel the same. I thought sadly, recalling his face as he stared at me in my hospital bed, after the attack during my freshman year. Over a year removed from the events of it all, and yet the faces I had elicited during that time still burned in my memory.
I started to lose myself in thought again, and before I knew it Carlisle was waking me gently. "Arabella?"
"Hmmm?" I raised my head and looked around, Gaia must have gone home hours ago. Hopefully I wasn't rude.
"Visiting hours are over, and your dad more than likely won't be up again until morning." His face was so serious and his voice grave. "Edward can take you home."
"Mmmm…" I groaned as I sat up, my back cracking like a glow stick as I did. "Okay." I nodded, my head feeling heavy with sleep.
"Have you eaten?" My mind sluggishly reeled, and all I managed was a small shoulder shrug. "I will make sure Edward gets you something to eat as well." He murmured before leaving the room, only the beeping of the machines and the careful inflation of my father's lungs to fill the space.
When Edward came through the door, I was officially awake. My hand remained wrapped around Dad's as I watched Edward's lean figure fill the door frame before gracefully entering the blue painted room. "Are you ready to go?"
"I don't think the answer to that will ever be yes." I sighed. "But I am forced to leave." Edward sighed and reached forward, sympathy filling his deep brown eyes. His hand rested softly on my shoulder as I turned my attention to my dad.
"I'll be back tomorrow." I whispered, pulling his hand to my mouth and kissing the back of it before swiftly turning to exit. Edward threw an arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to his side, giving me the support I didn't know I needed to walk out of the hospital.
The car ride home was a blur, and the even bigger blur was how I wound up sitting at my kitchen table with a plate full of food in front of me. Edward had cooked for me, it was something simple, just a plate of mac and cheese. It wasn't the complexity of the dish that brought tears to my eyes, it was the act of cooking. He cooked for me. I was a horrible snotty mess, but I felt Edward's hands grasp my face gently as I squeezed my eyes shut. The tears were burning my eyes as I listened to the soft shushing that accompanied the gentle brush of Edward's thumbs against my face.
"Shhh… it's okay." He whispered, and suddenly I wasn't in the chair anymore. Edward had me in his arms, I was clutching his shirt like it was the buoy that would save me from the ocean of tears I had created. I would drown if he let me go, though his embrace did little to stem the flow.
"It's not okay." I choked out, shaking my head as I buried it in his shoulder. "It's never going to be okay. What if he never wakes up? What if he never makes me mac and cheese again, or I never get to go to Donnie's for shakes with him? What if he doesn't see me graduate?" With each "what if" I cry out, my tears get harder and my breath more ragged. "What if he can't see me off to college, or watch me move into my first apartment? What if he never gets to see me have-"
"Arabella!" Edward cries out, cutting me off and clutching my tighter while stroking my hair. "He is going to live, I promise."
"You can't promise me anything, Edward, my dad is dying." I started pushing away from him, however futile it was. I knew I wouldn't be able to support myself on my own two legs if he let go, but I would gladly crash to the tiled floor and continue to drown in the petulant sea of my sorrows. Of course, Edward was not about to let me fall to the floor, instead he held me tighter.
Edward shushed me more, carrying me through my house and up the stairs. After a few seconds I felt his weight shift and I knew we were sitting on my bed, the familiar smell of my room cutting through my clogged nostrils. It had been so long since I actually slept in my own room, the scent was almost jarring with its lack of antiseptic. "Jasper." I heard Edward whisper, presumably into his phone. "Can you please?" There was a buzz of speaking from the other end, but I couldn't focus on it. I was now wholly consumed with the unjust feeling of guilt. I had not fired the bullet that injured my father, but my mind had twisted itself inward so many times it had found a way to pin the blame regardless.
After what seemed like an eternity in Edward's arms, I heard the tell tale sounds of someone entering the house. Edward didn't flinch so my assumption that it was Jasper was a well founded one. While I was no longer hysterically listing all the things my dad might miss, my mind still continued its rampant spiral, and the tears continued to flow. It was a wonder I had not dehydrated yet, though my head pounded so angrily I knew I was on the way.
Ever so slightly, the pain of my reality began to ease. I felt a cool hand press to the top of my head, and just like that I was going under. A slumber so refreshing and full it may as well have been a glass of water on the parched lips of a marooned sailor. My awareness dripped away slowly to the sound of Edward humming in my ear.
Gaia's POVI felt like a terrible person, going to a birthday party when my best friend sobbed over her incapacitated father. Paul, however, reminded me that this plan had been set in stone long before Derek landed in the ICU. Despite his comforting words, I wasn't exactly in the partying mood. I had left Arabella by herself after almost an hour of her sleeping, one of the nurses had mentioned Ari hadn't been getting any, and that sometimes had to force her to go home just so she would eat something. When I was sitting in the room during that silent and tense hour, had stopped by. He had told me about Ari not leaving that chair for even basic needs, that she would sit there and barely acknowledge the staff when they came in. He was worried, they all were. I had tried to reassure him the best I could, but Arabella has always been a mystery to me. The only person who ever truly got her was her mom, and she wasn't here anymore.
Maybe Beatrice could be that person someday, they are sisters after all, but until they finally have a chance to sit down in a room alone I couldn't see that being a possibility. Even Sam didn't want Beatrice and Arabella in the same room as each other, let alone by themselves. Nobody trusted Beatrice's control, and certainly not enough to put Ari on the line. Another stab of guilt went through me as I thought about Ari sitting alone in the hospital room, and as the feeling shredded my insides Paul reached over and pulled me closer. His arm rested on my shoulders, bringing more comfort than I had anticipated at the moment. Part of the imprinting that bound our souls allowed him to feel what I needed, but it also allowed me to feel what he needed. While I needed comfort, Paul needed this. The party. Camaraderie. His brothers.
I remind myself that I am here for Seth and that Arabella would want me to come to this. Then, taking a deep breath, I shifted the present in my hand and began walking around the Clearwater's house to the back yard. Streamers were hung from the large oak tree that lumbered above, just below it sat a table full of birthday presents and cards. I forced a smile onto my face as I handed Paul the wrapped gift and began making my way towards the bonfire. I could see Leah leaning against Sam, smiles bright on both their faces while Seth joked along with Emery. It was amazing, almost the entire pack was here and yet Seth still hadn't shifted. Maybe the Clearwater's don't have the gene anymore. Maybe Seth won that lottery. I stopped to grab a cupcake and a drink from the table as I marched on toward the bonfire. My smile slowly shifted from forced to genuine as I came up to the circle of loved ones.
"Gaia! You made it!" Seth shrieked happily, jumping forward and throwing his arms around my shoulders. "PAUL!" Seth grinned bigger as he pulled away, though my ear drum may never recover from the decibel he had reached right beside it.
"Hey dude!" Paul grinned and tackled the birthday boy happily. They spent a few minutes wrestling in the dying light before Seth tapped out. "You're gonna have to last longer than that if you wanna prove you're a freshman now." Paul teased.
"Wait! You're a freshman!" My head would have toppled off my shoulders had it not been attached, with how fast I turned to look at them.
"Yes indeed!" Seth smiled brightly, puffing his chest up and squinting his eyes.
"Oh how the time flies." I laughed, realizing the kids I thought were so much younger than me weren't even close to being that young. I could have sworn Seth was an eighth grader, yet here he stood, just three grades below me. Maybe the ages of the reservation kid's wouldn't be so jarring to me if they had gone to school with us, but the shock was genuine with the difference in district.
"Yeah, I'm not a baby anymore." Seth smiled and swiped a punch at Paul, hoping for a sneak attack.
"Yes you are." Leah called out, a smirk on her face as she cast a glance to Sue and Henry, their parents. While the three shared a knowing smile, Paul flipped Seth and then threw him over his shoulder.
"That's it! In the creek you go!" Paul started marching to the creek that bordered the property as it weaved its way lazily in the direction of La Push.
"AHHH!" Seth screamed and struggled against my boyfriend's grasp, just a collection of gangly limbs and windswept hair.
As the party crawled on, my guilt lessened, and soon the sky was dark and the moon was bright. Sam had excused himself, leaving the party to begin his shift of patrol. Leah stayed behind to help clean up, and Paul and I still sat beside the dying fire for a few more minutes. "You stay here and watch the fire, keep warm." Paul whispered in my ear as he dropped a kiss on my temple. "I am going to help them clean up."
"Yes. Sir." I smirked at him, shifting my weight so I no longer rested on his shoulder. As Paul walked away, I watched Seth come back out and crash down next to the fire. He had an angry look on his face, not befitting of a birthday boy, and his arms were crossed over his chest. It almost looked like a four year old about to have a tantrum. "What's up?"
"Leah." Seth spat her name like it was toxic to say. "She's being rude and bossy and I hate it."
I pursed my lips for a second, then stared at the base of the flames as I spoke. "Why is she being bossy?" I glanced up to look at his face, trying to gauge his mood as he spoke.
"Because she is!" Seth shouted, looking up to me with his dark brown eyes glinting in the fire. "It's my birthday, not hers!"
"Yes sir." I threw my hands up in surrender. "Look, she probably means well. I'm sure-"
"Seth!" Leah's voice cut through the backyard and ended my statement, effectively proving the rest of it wrong before I even had the chance to utter the words. "Get inside and help!"
"NO!" Seth stood up and stared at her from behind me.
"Seth Clearwater!" Leah growled, she was using a tone I had never hear before. I sunk deeper into my chair, fixing my eyes on the flames and trying to pretend I wasn't there. I had no clear escape, and the awkward feeling just continued to build. Then I heard another noise, one I would recognize anywhere. Someone was shifting. With wide eyes I sat up and looked around. Seth still stood there, practically vibrating with anger, but Leah was replaced with a massive wolf. Fuck.
Just as I was about to scream for Paul, the sound repeated. Double fuck. Seth was now a huge wolf, albeit smaller than Leah, though still massive compared to the average non-shifter wolf breed. "PAUL!" I finally found my voice, shrinking further into my chair. I could usually hold my own, but I figured the odds of me versus two wolves who had just completed their first transformation. Absolutely not.
Paul came bursting out of the house, eyes wide as he glanced over to where I sat. Just as I made eye contact with him, Leah and Seth lunged at one another. Seconds later, the russet brown wolf I knew to be Jacob came bursting out of the woods. This addition to the chaos made me topple my chair backwards and begin scrambling towards the house. I made it about three feet backwards before I felt Paul's grip pull me to my feet. "GO INSIDE!" He shouted, pushing me in the direction of the sliding glass door where Henry and Sue stood in shock. As soon as I was out of harm's way, Paul shifted as well.
So much for the Clearwaters not having the gene.