Chris: Last time on total drama island. I welcomed the new victims- erm, contestants- to the island and divided them into two teams. The ferocious trout and the frogs of dead had their first challenge. The players guided their teammates through a dangerous course to complete a simple task. The frogs of death had it made until Emma started a fight with her ex, Chase, and stopped giving directions, allowing the ferocious trout to come from behind and win. At the marshmallow ceremony, I was shocked. The frogs of death voted off Nichelle, the most famous woman on the show. Who will be heading home today? Someone less popular, that's for sure. Now let's find out who that unlikable creature will be, here on... TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND!
(Intro)
(In the dining hall)
Emma: I can't believe Nichelle got sent home instead of me.
Bowie: You and me both girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I would have been sad if you left too. But Nichelle had some interesting gossip on celebrities due to being so famous.
Emma: Oh that definitely would have interesting to here.
Bowie: But you what else is interesting? Why Chase cut your breaks. Let's talk about that please.
Emma: Ugh! So, a bunch of us lived in a house and we've livestream our crazy stunts. But Chase broke the number one rule, the person doing something stupid has to know they're doing something stupid and I didn't!
Bowie: And he could have killed you. You kinda minimized that part. Anyway, in today's challenge, if there's a way I can help you get a little revenge, just say the word.
Emma: Bowie! You r-r-r-r-rock!
Bowie: Ok, Ok!
Emma: Sorry.
(Caleb walks in to get some food)
Bowie: Not to worry, we still have a serious eye candy to stare.
Emma: (Giggles) I think you and I are about to become good friends.
(Confessional) Bowie: It's ok to make a friend. On this island, a friend means an alliance. That's survival 101 in this game.
(Ripper was chowing down his food, grossing out Caleb Damien and Millie)
Caleb: Dude slow down, you're gonna choke.
Ripper: (Stops eating) Whatever. (Looks at Millie who's writing in her notebook) Hey nerd, what ya writing?
Millie: Nothing.
Ripper: Come on, let me see. (Snatches Millie's notebook)
Millie: Give it back Ripper, stop!
Damien: Ripper, just give her...
Ripper: Damien! Go long! Ripper's in the pocket. The clock is running down. He looks deep! There's the pass. (Throws it to Damien)
Damien: Here you go, Millie. (Gives Millie her notebook)
Millie: Thank you. Bullying is a sign of insecurity, and you...
Ripper: Wait! (Hears his stomach rumbling and starts farting) 1 steamboat, 2 steamboat, 3 steamboat...
Damien: Why are you counting? What happens at ten? Should we take cover?!
Ripper: (stops farting) Ah, crud nuggets. I had a good feeling about that one. The under 18 record holder for the longest fart is a kid named Bucky Windhorn. He's the one who fired that 48 second stink torpedo heard around the world.
Caleb: Is that a real thing or are you just...?
Millie: (Interrupts Caleb) Let him talk. (Writes in her notebook)
Ripper: My personal best is 47 seconds. I know I can beat it. It's my life's ambition. So now whenever I fart I count steamboats.
Damien: Wait a sec... (Gets nudged by Millie) Ah!
Millie: Go ahead, Ripper. Keep talking. (Writes in her notebook)
Ripper: Well, I'm wondering if counting out loud hurts my chances, cos I'm, like, breathing out of both ends.
Damien: Actually, trapped intestinal gas can be reabsorbed by the bloodstream and released as an exhale.
Ripper: (Points at Damien) Nerd! Nerd! (Keeps pointing at Damien who just doesn't care) Nerd-nerd-nerd-nerd nerd-nerd-nerd nerd-nerd-nerd! Nerd-nerd-nerd-nerd!
Caleb: Little bit uncalled for that, dude.
(Confessional) Ripper: Calling out nerds is important cos some nerds are so deep into nerdom, they don't even know they're nerds. They just wonder around talking about algebra or orcs thinking it's ok to do that. (Scoffs) It is not.
(Confessional) Millie: Ripper's life ambition is a fart. (Laughs) I don't think I brought enough notebooks!
(At the ferocious trouts cabin)
(Chase walks out of the cabin and finds Priya sitting on the porch)
Chase: Hey Priya, had a good night sleep?
Priya: I slept ok, thanks. You?
Chase: Not really, the hockey dudes were snoring like mad.
Priya: I got a spare set of ear plugs if you want some. (Holds out a set of ear plugs for Chase)
Chase: Sweet, thanks.
(Zee walks out the cabin)
Zee: Aw, me gots the hungries.
(Axel walks over with green face paint on
Axel: I caught enough for everyone. Dig in.
Priya: Caught?
(A short footage of Axel scaring, killing and roasting squirrels)
Axel: Yeah, caught. (A piece of squirrel falls onto the ground and scary girl picks up and eats it)
Chase: And these are...?
Axel: Dead.
Chase: (Annoyed) Yes, I meant before that?
Axel: Alive. Eat!
Zee: Um... ok. (Takes a bite of the squirrel)
Chase: Hard pass.
Priya: Hard pass for me too.
Axel: I'm not asking, I'm telling! A strong team is a winning team. Eat! (Points the roasted squirrels in Priya's face but Chase knocks them out of her hand)
Chase: We're not interested in whatever that is you're trying to feed us, so back off.
Axel: Pick them up, right now!
Chase: Make me!
(Axel and Chase glare at each other angrily)
Priya: Calm down guys, there's no need to fight.
Zee: Aw, is this squirrel? Bruh, you can really taste the nuts.
Chris: (Loudspeaker) Attention campers. It's challenge time. On the beach, ten minutes, over and out.
Chase: (Smirks) Guess we ran out of time. (Walks off with Priya, leaving a annoyed Axel glaring at him as she walks behind them)
Zee: (Looks at Scary girl) You got a little... right on your... (Scary girl wipes her face) Yeah, you got it.
(Confessional) MK: (Chuckles) Oh, sorry. Hi... Not her to confess. Never going to happen. Just want to see how the confession camera... works! Yeah dude! Boom baby! Here's the dealio for realio. I'm going to use I took from Julia last night to download and watch everyone else's confessions. Oh, just to be clear, I only want to hear what everyone else is saying. I'm going fast forward through most of the pooping. I'm not a weirdo.
(At the beach)
Chris: (Pirate voice) Ahoy, bilge-sucking landlubbers! Ha! Welcome to your next challenge. To win this one, you'll need to take the other team down, literally. Down to the bottom of the sea. Each ship is equipped with functioning cannons. Once they're loaded, just pull the rope to fire.
Ripper: Just like my finger. (Pulls his finger and farts)
Chris: And because our legal team refused to let us use actual cannonballs, the below deck has been filled with with heads of cabbages. Just as deadly, but rich in vitamin K, which is great for you guys since it helps with blood clotting.
Scary Girl: (Squeals excitedly) Blood!
(All the campers and Chris get freaked out by this)
Chris: Oh-ho-ho, you're not strange at all. Anyway, once aboard the ships, teams will decide who there captain is, who will bring the cabbages up from below deck, and who will work the cannons. Any player that falls in the water is out of the challenge and must swim to shore. The first team to sink the enemy ship wins. The battle begins when I fire this blunderbuss. Chef will now take you to your ship.
(Chef arrives to take the campers to their respective teams' ships with a parrot who was biting him)
Chef: Gah! Stop it! Bad bird! Bad! I change my mind, Chris. I want the hat. You can take the bird.
Chris: Eh, you picked the bird. Sorry, no take backs.
Parrot: No take backs!
Chef: I didn't know the bird was gonna to be a jerk. Ow! No biting!
Chris: Off you go, teams.
(In the Frogs of Death's ship)
Ripper: Ok, I'm captain. No arguments.
(Confessional) Bowie: Ripper can be captain if he wants. Cause if we lose, we can just eliminate him.
Ripper: MK and Millie, grab the fruit for the cannons. Caleb and Damien you work one cannon, while Bowie and Emma you work the other.
(Confessional) Bowie: Cabbage isn't a fruit. That's all I came here to say.
(On the Ferocious Trout's ship)
Wayne: Ok, I'll be captain.
Axel: No, I'll be captain!
Raj: It makes more sense for Wayner to captain since he's the captain of our hockey team.
Wayne: Raji's right, I'm clearly the best choice.
Raj: Go snow owls!
Wayne and Raj: Hoot! Ho-(Before they could finish Axel kicks Wayne in the face and knocks him overboard)
Raj: I'm coming Wayner! (Jumps off the ship after Wayne)
(Confessional) Axel: That's how I deal with mutiny.
Priya: Whoa! Taking out our own team members is not how you win a challenge!
Chase: Way a go, now we're down two players.
Axel: Maybe you'd be in a better mood if you had eaten one of the squirrels.
Julia: Eaten a what?
Chase: Don't ask.
(At the beach the parrot was asleep on Chef's shoulder)
Chef: (Whispers) I think he's asleep.
Chris: Aw, cute. (Megaphone) Let the battle begin! (Fires the blunderbuss waking up the parrot causing it to bite Chef)
Chef: Ah, Ah! Get him off! Aaaargh!
Axel and Ripper: Battle stations!
(The teams start their assault on their enemy ships)
Axel: Incoming!
(Julia was taking selfies when a cabbage came flying towards her, but she noticed it to late and gets knocked off the ship by a cabbage)
Axel: Zee, Priya, get more cabbages. Now!
(Zee and Priya go to get more cabbages and Chase sees that a cabbage completely missed)
Chase: They missed the ship completely. Their aim is horrible!
(On the fronts of death ship)
Caleb: Aim lower. You need to hit the ship if you want to sink it. Like this.
(demonstrating by firing a cabbage at the lower portion of the ship, which hits Priya below deck)
Emma: Got it!
Caleb: Great, now let's drown this fish.
Bowie: (Whispers to Emma) Do want to aim for the shop now? Or still at Chase?
Emma: Chase. Totally aiming for Chase.
Bowie: I like your style.
(At the beach Wayne Raj and Julia swim back to shore)
Chris: How did you get past all the sharks?
Julia: Sharks?
Chris: Did I not release the sharks? Why do I always forget to release the sharks? I even drew it on my hand to remind myself. Still forgot. What are you going to do? (Presses a button and releases two sharks)
Ripper: (Looks through a telescope and sees two cabbages coming towards the ship) Incoming! (The two cabbages hit the frogs of death ship) Whoa! Direct hits.
Chris: (Megaphone) Attention, pirates. There are now sharks in the water.
Damien: (From a distance) Why?
Chris: Become I put them there.
(The Frogs of death fire a cabbage)
Priya: Just like Chris to put sh-
Chase: Priya, look out! (Pushes Priya out the way getting by a cabbage and knocked off the ship)
Priya: Chase!
Emma: Woohoo! Yes! (Does a victory dance) Yes, uh-uh, uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh got him, I got him!
Bowie: Ahem.
Emma: (Laughs) I mean, one of him. Them. I got one. Chase, was it? Pff, I don't know.
Damien: The goal is to sink the ship. Why are you aiming at people?
Ripper: Good work Emma. If we take enough of their players, they can't fight back. Then we just blast their ship until it sinks.
Bowie: Oh, let's do that.
Bowie: (Confessional) Ripper's actually smarter than I thought. But still very gross.
(Chase who was now in the water sees the two sharks swimming towards him, causing him to scream and swim quickly to shore)
Priya: Swim Chase, swim! (But as she was worried about Chase she gets by a cabbage from behind and gets knocked off the ship. One sharks goes after Priya causing her to swim quickly to shore)
Priya: (Confessional) I can't believe I let my guard down and got taken out. Ugh! Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. I know you covered this in my training, but you used melons. I think cabbages are faster.
(Priya makes it to shore)
Chase: Are you ok Priya? (Gives Priya his hand and helps her up)
Priya: Yeah. Thanks for saving me earlier. Even tho I got taken out right after.
Chase: (Puts his hand on Priya's shoulder) No worries, I'm always happy to help a pretty girl. (Priya blushes as Chase smiles at her)
(On the ferocious trout ship)
Zee: There's only three of us left.
Axel: Ok, I'll Priya's spot and get more cabbages... (Gets hit by a cabbage and knocked off the ship)
Chris: (Megaphone) The trout only have two players remaining. It is not looking good.
Ripper: You hear that pirates?! They only have two people left on their ship. Let's finish this!
(The Frogs of death fire multiple cabbages at the trouts ship)
Zee: It's just me and you left. (Yelps as ship gets hit by multiple cabbages) What do we do now?
Scary Girl: Ram the ship!
Zee: That's a horrible plan.
Scary Girl: If we ram their ship and we both sink, it'll be a tie. It's our only... (Gets hit by a cabbage and knocked overboard)
Zee: Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man. Now I'm the captain? Ok. Ram the ship? It's ramming time! (Sails the towards the frogs ship)
Caleb: Is he turning towards us?
MK: He's trying to ram us, sink both ships and make it a tie.
Ripper: Back to the cannons. We've gotta sink him!
(Back on land Axel had just swam to shore the find Chase, Wayne and Raj looking angry at her)
Chase: (Sarcastically) Great job, captain.
Axel: Hey, mutiny has consequences, so...
Wayne: Kicking me overboard was a consequence?!
Axel: Yes, now shut up before I give you another shiner!
Chase: You know what your problem is freak show?
Axel: Is it that my fist fits perfectly into your face?!
Chase: If you even try to punch my face...
Chris: (Megaphone) Hey, I'm trying to enjoy a challenge!
Chase: She's the one who said that...
Axel: Then tell Chase, too...
Parrot: (Squawks) Shut your cake-holes!
Chris: Ok, I'll take the bird.
Chef: Thank you. (Screams as the parrot bits him again)
(The Frogs of Death try to shoot cabbages at the ship, but the ship is still standing and Zee continue forwards)
Chris: Oh, this is gonna be great!
Parrot: (Squawks) People going to die.
Damien: He's gonna hit us.
Ripper: Brace for impact!
(The frogs of death as Zee and the trouts ship changes towards them)
Zee: (Covers his eyes) I can't watch. (A seagull perches on the steering wheel, making him crash into a boulder instead)
Chris: (Megaphone) No, no, no, no, no, no!
Chef: See, birds ruin everything.
Chris: (Whispers to the parrot) It's ok, you can poop on him later.
Zee: Well, the captain always goes down with his ship, so I guess I... (Gurgles cause he's now under water)
Chris: (Megaphone) The fringe of death have won the challenge.
(The frogs of death cheer)
(As Zee swims to shore, a shark goes after him)
Priya: Look out for the!
(The shark attacks Zee and the rest of the ferocious trout watch in horror as his leg was ripped off)
Julia: Ah! A shark took his leg!
Priya: Call the ambulance!
Zee: Oh, man! Did you guys see that? Shark took my leg, bruh. This is a bummer. I really liked that leg, too.
Raj: What is happening right now?
Wayne: He's in shock. That has to be it.
Zee: Oh, it was a great leg. Probably my fave. (The shark spits out Zee's leg, showing he isn't injured because the leg the shark took is a removable prosthesis, revealing that Zee is an amputee) All right!
Chase: (Gasps) Is Zee a robot?!
Axel: Is there a reason you never told us one of your legs was a prosthetic?
Zee: Probably the same reason you never told me your legs weren't.
Axel: Fair enough.
Chris: Team trout, I'll see you tonight at the elimination ceremony, because one of you... ..is going home.
Chase: (Confessional) That cabbage hurt. But on the beach, did you catch Emma ch-ch-checking me out? Oh, boom! She's still in mad love. Ungh, called it!
Emma: (Confessional) On the beach, before Zee started screaming, I couldn't stop watching Chase holding his ribs. I hurt him.
(At the campfire pit)
Chris: Welcome, trouts. You'll be voting for the team member you feel should be eliminated tonight, and there are certainly options.
Chef: Julia, you were distracted with your phone and ended getting taken out right away.
Julia: Yeah, but...
Chef: Zee, you were the last member of your team aboard your ship, and you could have ended the challenge in a tie but instead drove your ship into the rocks and sank it.
Zee: (Confessional) Yeah, but they kick me off now, they'll never know how I lost my leg. (Whispers) I was actually born like this, but when someone asks, I know they rather hear a cool story. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm safe.
Chef: Wayne and Raj, you two were in the water before the challenge even started. You two were no help to your team.
(Wayne and Raj in the confessional together)
Wayne: How's that our fault? Axel kicked me overboard!
Raj: And I tried to save our true captain.
Wayne: Yeah, if Rajy and I had been there, we'd have won.
Chef: Axel, you were team captain, and the first thing you did was knock one of your own players overboard.
Axel: Whatever. He totally deserved it.
Chris: If you get a marshmallow, you're safe. If you do not, your time here is up, and you must immediately leave the island. Let's begin.
Priya.
Raj.
Julia.
Scary Girl.
Zee.
Chris: You are all safe. The second last marshmallow goes to...
Wayne.
Chris: Chase, Axel, one of you is going home. The last marshmallow goes to...
..Chase.
Chase: Yes! Pack up your survival trinkets wack-job, cause guess what? You didn't survive.
Axel: (Growls)
Chris: Axel, time to walk down the dock of shame and be taken away by the drone of despair. Follow me please. (Gets shoved by Axel)
Axel: (Confessional) I don't see how the loss was my fault. I kicked the teammate overboard and yelled orders at the rest of the team to show they were below me. I did nothing wrong!
Axel: (Sees the drone of despair) You'll never take me alive! (Jumps into the water, but it just picks her up and out of the water)
Chris: Yeah, like that was gonna help.
Axel: When the zombie apocalypse happens I'm not gonna help any of you!
Chris: Well, I'm scratching you off my Christmas card list! That's two contestants down, thirteen to go. Who will be next? I'm legally not allowed to tell you. So keep watching... TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND!