Written for a friend who really, REALLY loves foster AUs... and Techno hurt/comfort hehe
Techno's heart basically sank into his stomach when he got his math test back.
Math had never been his strongest subject. He was great at stuff like history or English, and learning scientific formulas by heart had become easier over time with practice. But something about math always tripped him up. Despite studying all night for this exam, he'd ended up barely managing to scrape by and get a C on it.
He turned the paper back over on his desk, not wanting to have the red mark in his peripheral vision. The teacher had already gone back to the front of the class and was lecturing those with a failing grade about the importance of their education and better study habits. Techno barely felt himself able to listen.
Phil would have to sign off on his test.
Out of all Techno's teachers, of course his math one was the type to want parents to sign off on every single test they took. Something about keeping them accountable. Techno shoved the paper into his bag without caring if it would crumple and forced himself to at least attempt to focus through the rest of class. If he stopped paying attention now, his next exam would go even worse!
When the bell rang, everybody rushed to the door for lunch period. Techno was glad, because it meant he had no trouble slowly packing up the remainder of his stuff and lingering long enough for the room to be nearly empty by the time he went up to the teacher's desk.
"Ma'am?"
She seemed almost surprised to see him standing there. Techno was incredibly soft-spoken during class. He didn't raise his hand to be called on for questions regardless of whether he knew the answer, though that wasn't often the case in math anyway.
"Yes? What can I help you with, Mister Craft."
Techno swallowed, mouth a bit dry. He didn't correct her on his last name. "I was wondering if there were any assignments I could do for extra credit?"
"Extra credit?" she repeated, eyebrows raised skeptically. She focused her attention on a piece of paper that had all the kids' scores on it, including Techno's. "Is there any particular reason? Last I checked you were still well on your way to earning yourself a B- as an overall score for this semester."
"Right," Techno said.
How did he go about explaining that wasn't enough?
His averages had never slipped below a B+ on any subject. Phil put every report card he got on the fridge, even though it made Techno feel kind of silly - but in a warm and cozy way. One time when he had gotten all As, Phil had even taken them out for fast food. He had told Techno how proud he was of him doing so well in school.
Techno needed to do better than he currently was.
"Well, if you're really insistent," the teacher continued after a moment when it became clear Techno was planning to just stand at her desk until she gave in, "I suppose I could print you out some of the advanced exercise sheets we didn't cover during the lesson. You can fill those out for points?"
"Thank you, ma'am."
He'd just have to make sure he got a perfect mark on those and things would be fine again.
"Go have lunch then, you look like you need it."
Techno wasn't entirely sure what she meant by that until he was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, looking at himself. His skin was pale and his hands were shaking. He definitely looked a bit haggard, and Techno knew it was because he had skipped breakfast. He had been too busy helping Tommy get ready.
When Techno helped Tommy, Phil was really happy with him. He said Techno was a very good big brother. So he took care of Tommy whenever he could.
The cafeteria was so noisy that Techno instantly regretted walking in there. He had half a mind to turn around and head out again, maybe find some secluded spot of the library to hide in. but then he noticed that Wilbur had already spotted him and was wildly waving his arms trying to catch Techno's attention. The seat next to him had been left empty.
Techno didn't really have much of a desire to sit at the table with Wilbur and his friends. He liked Wilbur a lot, but it sometimes felt like he was a totally different person at school. More boisterous and attention-seeking and loud. He would often tease Techno when his friends were around, a lot more than he would at home.
But that was fine, Techno had gotten used to it. He quickly learned to wave away anything Wilbur said that he disliked because it was always a bad idea to pick a fight with the bio kid in a foster home anyway. When push came to shove, they'd have the upper hand with their parents. Techno knew this.
"Hey, Techno!" Wilbur kind of ended up elbowing him in the side as soon as he sat down. "Are you coming on Saturday?"
Taking his lunch box out of his bag, Techno put it on the table. "What's on Saturday?"
There was a little round of laughs at Techno not knowing about current events happening in the school again. Nothing new there, he never bothered to read the posters on the notice board. Techno opened his lunch box and scowled. He had forgotten that he had packed in a hurry so he only brought an apple and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with whole wheat bread. Techno hated whole wheat, but it was all that had been left this morning.
"It's the talent show," Wilbur said. He tore off half of his own sandwich, ham and cheese on white bread, and held it out for Techno. Techno mumbled a quick thanks. "My band is performing."
"Oh, cool." Techno did enjoy it when Wilbur played music, though his band was a bit much. And also, he could think of a million things he'd rather be doing than being shoved into a crowded auditorium on his free day and being forced to listen to a bunch of middle schoolers who thought they could hold a high note.
However, Techno knew that going would be the supportive thing to do.
"Yeah, I'll be there." He took a bite from the sandwich. Man, he hadn't noticed how hungry he was before.
"I've already asked Dad and Tommy to come too," Wilbur said. "They didn't need much convincing. I just wasn't sure if you were going to."
"Why?" Techno asked.
"I don't know," Wilbur said evasively. "It doesn't feel like the sort of thing you'd be into."
Techno bit his tongue, unsure how to respond. It definitely wasn't the sort of thing he was into, but he didn't really see how that mattered. It wasn't like he had much of a choice between going or not going, did he? Even if he didn't want to - which truly, Techno didn't mind because he did genuinely want to be there to cheer Wilbur on - him not going could be seen as him refusing to be part of the family.
And he'd been kicked out of foster homes for that before. He wasn't hoping for a repeat performance.
"We thought you were maybe going to that chess club thing," one of Wilbur's friends said. Techno blinked at them, vaguely recalling their name as Eret.
"He doesn't know about the chess club thing either," Wilbur said out loud, reading Techno's confused expression.
"The chess club is holding some kind of game event, I think? To teach students how to play if they've never done it before." Eret pulled a folded-up paper out of their bag, sliding it towards Techno over the table. "I was actually thinking of popping by."
"Pft, you're really going to hang out with those nerds? It's going to be totally lame at their thing, especially if the talent show is happening literally next door," another one of Wilbur's friends - Fundy - pointed out.
"It could be a nice break from all the chaos," Eret said with a small grin.
"Yeah, because it'll probably be empty as fuck over there. Nobody cool is going to be caught dead at the chess club." Fundy laughed a little, opening a can of soda so hastily he almost sprayed himself with it. "Right, Wilbur?"
"Yeah…" Wilbur shrugged. "I don't know. Probably. Chess is kind of boring."
Techno looked at his hands instead of the people around him. It made him notice that he really needed to stop picking at his nails, the skin around the edges was getting all messed up. His thumb had clearly been bleeding. Part of him also wanted to point out that when he got into regionals, Wilbur went with him to the competition and was even more hyped than Techno when he won. But he didn't. Maybe being considered cool by his friends was just more important to Wilbur than Techno knowing his support was sincere.
"Come on, hurry up. Our window is going to close if you take too long and I really need a coke to survive geography next period," somebody else pointed out from the other side of the table. Techno couldn't remember their name.
Wilbur was packing his stuff away already. "You coming, Techno?"
"Nah," Techno said, swallowing through the tightness in his throat. "I'm good."
Wilbur looked at him a moment longer before turning away. Together with his friends, Wilbur would often sneak out during lunch to buy soda or candy from the nearby convenience store. It was just close enough to the school that the more ballsy students would be able to get there and back without any teachers noticing.
Techno never went. If they got caught, they'd get detention for at least a week. Or maybe they'd even be put on probation. Or expelled. Phil would be called in. He'd do that thing where he sighed and pinched at his nose bridge and tell Techno he wasn't mad, just disappointed.
And then his social worker would need to be called so Phil could ship him away because he didn't want a troublemaker around. Again, Techno knew this song and dance. He'd been kicked out of foster homes for less.
"I'll see you after school, yeah?" Wilbur threw over his shoulder before he left, though he didn't wait for an answer.
Techno was left behind with the rest of his lunch. He binned it before heading to the library.
The talent show was all Wilbur could talk about on the walk home, Techno couldn't get a word in sideways. He nodded along to Wilbur explaining in full detail the plans for Saturday, how excited he was to play with his band, what songs he was going to perform, and that after the show they'd all go out for dinner because Phil said he wanted to celebrate.
Then they walked through the front door and instantly Techno felt his apprehension return.
It wasn't that he had forgotten about the math test, more so that he had found it easy to distract himself by trying to think about anything else. While Wilbur rushed up the stairs, Techno went to the kitchen.
Like a band-aid, this sort of stuff was easiest if you got the hard bit over with as quickly as possible.
Phil was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking tea and tapping away at the keyboard of his laptop. Techno shuffled inside and immediately Phil brightened up and looked at him. Techno felt himself wilt under that smile, feeling wholly undeserving of it today.
"Hi mate, how was school?" Phil asked while closing his laptop with one hand.
"It was fine," Techno said quickly. "Uh, I got my math test back."
"That's the ones I need to sign off on, right?"
Techno nodded. Getting up, Phil walked past him and towards the whiteboard they kept on the wall. It had a little weekly calendar on it where they all marked important things coming up so they could keep track of each other's schedules. Techno noticed that the talent show was already on there. Wilbur did mention Techno was the last to know. There was also a shopping list that they could write on in case they needed anything, assorted flyers and advertisements Phil was holding onto for whatever reason, and a few photographs.
One in the upper corner was taken not long after Techno came to live with them. Phil was standing front and center, Tommy clutched in his arms. Wilbur stood right next to him with a huge grin on his face. Techno - in stark contrast - was crossing his arms and looking away, leaving several feet between himself and Phil.
Techno kind of cringed whenever he saw that picture. He wished Phil would take it down. It felt like a permanent reminder that he didn't really belong with them.
Wordlessly, Techno retrieved the test from his bag and put it on the table while Phil got a pen. He walked back over, barely seemed to glance at Techno's score, then quickly signed it.
"We're having pasta for dinner, do you want to help me cook?" Phil asked while Techno was already putting his test away again.
Techno didn't really want to. He had a ton of homework to get through if he didn't want all his other grades to start slipping too.
"Sure," he said.
Refusing was simply not an option. Phil liked it when Techno was helpful. Techno needed to be helpful.
The first time Techno offered to help Phil make dinner was a month after he'd moved in. He was bored out of his mind and would do anything to postpone his schoolwork - even something as simple as stirring a stupid pot of beans.
Phil had perked up at Techno's offer. Maybe because Techno had done everything in his power so far to isolate himself from his new foster family and Phil assumed this was him trying to make an effort. In a blink, he had reached out - without noticing the way Techno automatically flinched back from a hand approaching his face - and ruffled Techno's hair.
"You're a good kid," were Phil's exact words that day.
He hadn't even meant it like that, probably. But Techno's dumb brain latched onto it like a lifeline. Phil was the first adult in Techo's life who had seen anything worthwhile in him. That was also when Techno decided that maybe, just maybe, he could allow himself to like Phil. It was a dangerous thing, but Techno had convinced himself right then and there that it wouldn't be the worst home if he just made an effort to stick around.
(Techno noticed himself start to love Phil, to trust him, to want that same affection in return - and from Wilbur and Tommy too - despite his own better judgment about how dangerous it would be. Despite how other families should have taught him he didn't deserve any of that. And now the thought of them throwing him out like all the foster homes before them had become so unbearable it kept him awake at night.)
Techno would do anything to make them keep him.
"So you're saying it's going well, then?"
"I guess," Techno said with a small shrug. His noncommittal answer earned him a disapproving frown.
His current caseworker was a middle-aged woman with wrinkles on her neck and hair dyed an unnaturally bright blonde color. Techno didn't really like her, he liked Simon more. But Simon wasn't allowed to keep Techno's case after Techno became 'high risk'. Really, that just meant Techno had a habit of running away from foster homes and instead of telling Techno off for that, Simon was more concerned with why Techno would feel the need to leave a family at three am without shoes by climbing through the window.
Because it certainly couldn't be because the family wasn't doing such a stellar job taking care of him.
No, maybe Techno was just being difficult. Or he was misinterpreting his foster parents' actions. Maybe he enjoyed being ping-ponged around group homes and uncaring people hoping to cash a government check in exchange for the bare minimum of child-rearing. That definitely made sense.
But there were so many kids in the system and not enough people willing to take them in so there was a lot of crap they were prepared to sweep under the rug for families to keep fostering. And Techno had a habit of 'overreacting' and 'being too sensitive'.
Simon said there was nothing he could do about it. Techno knew he shouldn't feel betrayed, though it still stung a little.
"I'd appreciate a bit more effort," the woman sighed after a few seconds of awkward silence. "It's like you don't even care anymore."
Techno didn't say anything. He was looking at the awful pattern on the linoleum floor, beige with small little specks of color. It looked like somebody had barfed all over it. That made him grin.
His caseworker wrote something down. "Well, you're old enough to know how this works. At this point, if your current placement doesn't work out you'll be expected to stay at the group home until you age out of the system. But you're lucky to have found a family willing to tolerate your attitude. I'm happy for you." Her tone was so cold, she sounded the furthest thing from happy imaginable.
Moreover, she probably didn't know half how effective that threat was.
Techno tried not to let it show, but he could feel his hands get clammy where they were pressed against the chair, pinned beneath his thighs to keep himself from doing something stupid with them. Or picking his nails again. Truly, he didn't care what she thought of him. She had lost all his respect when she waved away a professional psychologist's diagnosis as 'encouraging his terrible behavior''. But she was right about one thing.
Techno was very lucky that Phil could stand him.
After all the other families that Techno had stayed with, he knew how patient Phil was with him. He knew Phil didn't need to try so hard to accommodate Techno's needs. Phil cared, which meant the least Techno could do was not cause any problems.
Somehow, he wasn't very good at that. Though so far it had worked out.
"If you don't have anything else to say, you're free to go." She stood up to sit behind her desk again. "Your lack of cooperation has been noted."
Techno quickly scurried out of the room, too tense to articulate a response or care about politeness. As soon as he closed the door behind him and checked that the hallway was clear, he flapped his hands a bunch of times to dispel that nervous energy. It was fine. Everything was going to be fine.
Phil wasn't going to kick him out because Techno had been doing everything in his power to prevent that.
He walked down the hallway, knowing Phil would probably be in the waiting room. Techno kept saying it was fine, he could go do something else and then Techno would text Phil when his assessment was done. But Phil always insisted on sticking around, probably because he noticed how stressed Techno got because of the appointment. As he got close to rounding the corner, he could hear Phil's voice speaking to somebody.
"-waiting for the right time. It might be too early."
"How so?" That was Simon answering. Techno stopped, automatically stepping closer to the wall to keep out of sight and listen to what they were saying a moment longer.
"He's been with us a while but he's so hard to read," Phil said. "I just wish I knew what was going on in his head. What if it upsets him, you know?"
Simon hummed in understanding. "It might." Techno felt like he couldn't breathe.
"We're going to this thing on Saturday," Phil continued. "Maybe I'll just see how that goes and decide then. Who knows, I might even change my fucking mind." Phil laughed there, but it was a bit pinched and desperate. Like he was hoping for reassurance.
"It's not an easy choice to make," Simon agreed. "You'll have to do what feels right for your family, Phil. If his reaction is bad, then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
"Yeah…"
Techno quickly rounded the corner then, unable to stand there and listen to them discussing how Phil was definitely considering whether he should throw Techno out. He'd dug his nails into his palms, the blunt ends a poor distraction for how hard his heart was beating.
"I'm done," he said.
"Oh, nice." Phil grinned at him as if nothing was wrong. Techno wished he could hate him for that. "How was your talk?"
"It was fine," Techno lied.
"Hey, Techno! How have you been doing?" Simon also smiled. Techno wanted to hate both of them.
"I'm okay." He looked at his feet, disliking the floor pattern more by the minute. "Can we go home now?"
"Yeah, let me just grab my stuff," Phil said as he turned away to get his jacket from where it was draped over one of the chairs in the waiting room.
"I hear you're enjoying yourself with Phil a lot," Simon said lightly, searching Techno's face for… something. Techno stubbornly evaded his eyes. "Do you like it at his place?"
"It's nice," Techno answered, partly because he was aware Phil was still within earshot and would be able to hear what he was saying.
"I'm glad." And the way Simon glanced at Phil only made Techno's skin crawl.
The walk to the car passed in tense silence. Phil didn't bother him, he never did when Techno had meetings with his social worker. It wasn't until they were in the car that Phil opened his mouth.
"So, are you looking forward to Saturday?"
Techno was staring out of the window, watching the trees rush past fast enough they turned into a blur of green. It gave him a headache.
"I think so," he said.
"You think?" Phil asked. Techno swallowed.
Crap, he had said that without thinking. He really needed to not mess this up. If Phil was still deciding on throwing him out or not, Techno needed to do his best not to give him any more reason to.
"I mean, watching Wilbur play will be kind of fun but all these other people are probably going to be kinda cringe." Techno made sure his voice sounded neutral enough to lean more into humor than a real complaint.
And Phil laughed. "Ah, well. I think these sorts of things are more about participating than real talent sometimes. But it'll be nice to do something together as a family, right?"
Techno nodded, nails scratching over the edge of his finger. He found some loose skin to pick at and pulled, the sharp pain making his lip twitch. Phil didn't notice because he was watching the road.
Everything would be fine, as long as he could behave for the next three days.
On Saturday, Techno didn't wake up until it was almost noon.
He usually tried to set his alarm early even on the weekends so he could get out of bed and make breakfast for Tommy and Wilbur. Phil liked sleeping in, if they cooked for themselves he could do that. A good big brother helped out. Wilbur was a terrible cook. Techno waking up early made sense.
But he was so exhausted lately.
The last few days he'd been walking on eggshells. Every decision, every word that came out of his mouth, Techno felt like he was turning it over four times before committing. Phil had even asked him if he felt sick. Techno knew he wasn't hiding it as well as he should.
Techno had waved it off with some excuse about his migraines acting up - he got those sometimes. Phil gave him some painkillers, which Techno pretended to take to appease him.
He had to do better.
When Techno came downstairs, Phil was flipping pancakes.
"Hey mate, how does breakfast for lunch sound? I only just got up too." Phil nodded at the table, which was already set. Wilbur must have done that.
"Sounds good," Techno said.
"They'll be ready in five."
Techno went into the living room and sat down on the couch, watching Tommy and Wilbur play a racing game for a bit. He closed his eyes because the brightness was hurting them. Last night, they had stayed up to watch some action flick that Techno didn't want to watch but he also didn't want to be difficult and be the only one voting for another movie. And after that, he had finished his math exercises. And then he had laid awake, nervous for whatever decision Phil was going to make today.
So not the best night he'd ever had.
"Techno, you need to kick Wilbur's ass for me," Tommy demanded suddenly. He was basically sticking the controller into Techno's face. Techno took it from him before somebody ended up with a broken nose.
"That wasn't the deal," Wilbur complained. He was already picking out a different racer.
"All's fair in love and war," Tommy said. "Techno is my secret weapon."
"You're just lucky I came downstairs when I did," Techno told him.
He did end up winning against Wilbur quite easily, a feat Tommy would later claim credit for by saying it was his cheering that encouraged Techno toward victory. When he threw up his arms and wrapped them around Techno's neck in a half-embrace, half-stranglehold, Techno wanted to shrug him off so badly. Some days, being hugged was fine. Other days - like today - any touch against his skin made Techno want to scream.
But he could imagine Tommy's stupid little pout if he did that. The stakes were a lot higher today. So Techno simply bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood and put up with it.
All too soon they were piling into the car to head out. Wilbur had already left by himself earlier because he needed to meet his band and set up some stuff. Techno helped Tommy with his shoes and his coat, which hopefully made up a bit for how lazy he had been in the morning. They arrived at the school and had trouble finding a parking spot. It was more crowded than Techno expected. The realization made the back of Techno's throat unpleasantly tight.
It wasn't until he sat down in the auditorium that he realized he hadn't brought any stim toys.
Techno kept the ones Phil had bought him in his room. He was supposed to take them to school since it should help his concentration. But Techno didn't like the weird looks he got sometimes or the sighs from his teacher when he would be 'playing' with them during class. Techno only really brought them if he went anywhere he knew would be stressful. In his hurry to help Tommy, he had forgotten.
Well, it couldn't be too bad, could it? He only had to sit it out for a couple of hours.
The room was big and echo-y, sounds bounced off the walls in a way that made Techno want to clasp his hands over his ears. He tucked them under his legs instead. He'd picked an aisle seat at first but then Tommy said he couldn't see too well so they moved to seats in the middle of the row. There was a lady sitting next to Techno who smelled sharply of flowers and kept distracting him by checking her phone, filling the corner of Techno's eyes with the bright glare of her screen. There were people in front and behind him and he couldn't go anywhere. Techno didn't really like that.
People kept coming onto the stage to talk or sing or play music. Techno's glasses were dirty because he hadn't cleaned them and he didn't want to bother Phil with it. His head was pounding. The sounds were too loud.
Techno wanted to go home.
He knew his breathing was starting to pick up, Techno could feel his chest go up and down really fast while his lungs didn't seem to get any air. He had given up on pinning his hands down, fidgeting with them restlessly. According to the little pamphlet, there was only this act left and then Wilbur's. And maybe after that Techno could excuse himself to visit the toilet?
"Techno?" Phil was trying to keep his voice low. "Are you okay? You're kind of moving a lot."
"Sorry," Techno said quickly, doing his absolute best to make his body go rigid. But that just made his insides hurt like they were tearing apart. Wilbur was stepping onto the stage. Techno had to pay attention. He had to not upset Phil so he wouldn't be thrown away.
"Techno, seriously-" Phil touched his shoulder and Techno jolted. This had him elbowing into the lady by accident, who made a disgruntled noise and opened her mouth like she was about to scold him. Techno stood up and in a moment of blind panic, he bolted for the door right as the first notes of Wilbur's song started to play.
He only made it as far as the lockers in the hallway before he froze.
Pushing his palms against his eyes, Techno tried to inhale through his nose and breathe out through his mouth like Phil had shown him to, hoping to calm himself down. It wasn't helping. He just ruined one of the most important things they'd ever done as a family, and had ruined it on a day that was more important than any other.
He stepped back, letting himself sag against the wall until he was sitting on the ground. Techno had ruined everything.
"Techno?"
His eyes shot open, once again filled with more panic at the sight of Phil, who had apparently run out of the auditorium after him. Not only was Techno missing the show, he had made Phil miss it too.
"Techno, listen to me." Phil crouched down in front of him, not touching him - correctly sensing it would only upset Techno more. "You need to try to breathe for me, okay? Count while you breathe in."
But Techno couldn't. He shook his head wildly, blinking to get rid of the burning in his eyes. "No, Phil, please, go back inside. You're missing Wilbur's show."
"Mate, I'm more concerned with whatever has you so distressed. I'm not leaving you out here by yourself in this state."
Words that were meant to comfort hit Techno like physical punches. He couldn't be the reason Phil was out there.
"We can go back inside," he said quickly, struggling to stand up. He had to lean against the wall because his legs were so shaky. "I can be good. I'll be good, Phil, I'm fine. We can go."
"First I need to know what has you upset," Phil said calmly, trying to smile gently but Techno hated that look of pity. "More importantly, you don't seem very fine to me. Please, Techno, I just want to help."
"I don't need your help! I need you to not kick me out!" Techno yelled, instantly regretting that he had raised his voice at Phil. As if he wanted to make the situation worse than it already was. Techno clenched and unclenched his hands repeatedly. It did nothing.
Nothing to help him escape Phil's stare. Confused and calculating and maybe hurt, hurt that Techno was yelling and not being the good kid Phil needed him to be. He needed to be better.
He had tried so hard just to be better.
"Techno," Phil said. His voice was like ice. It scared Techno, yet it also cut through his blazing thoughts and made it easier for him to listen. "I'm going to take your hands now, so I can help you breathe."
It was not a question, nor a suggestion even. Techno felt numb as Phil took hold of his wrists, carefully guiding one hand to his own chest and the other to Techno's so he could feel each of their chests expand rhythmically in time with their breathing. Techno closed his eyes again, concentrating on nothing but falling in time with Phil's inhales.
His fingers were bleeding. Phil was trying to be subtle as he used this opportunity to also examine the small wounds.
When Techno had calmed down somewhat, Phil spoke again.
"Okay, before we do anything else I want to know why you were upset."
Techno opened his mouth, then closed it again because it felt too dry to speak. He licked his lips. "It was loud," he said. "There were a lot of people-"
"I know," Phil cut in. "That's not what I mean, Techno. I want to know whatever could have given you the impression I am going to kick you out."
Ah, of course, Phil knew all about overstimulation and the meltdowns it could lead to. He wasn't interested in hearing about that. Techno was still stubbornly looking at his shoes. Phil hadn't let go of his wrists yet.
"I heard you talk with Simon," Techno admitted, sounding incredibly small and vulnerable. Sounding so scared he wanted to hate himself but couldn't.
"Simon?" Phil was clearly not expecting that. He needed a few moments to recall what conversation Techno was talking about.
"You were talking about making an important decision today," Techno said. "I promise I've been trying to be good and fit into the family and stuff even when it was hard or made me unhappy but I- I will be better. I don't want to leave. I want to stay with you guys." He'd never admitted anything like that out loud before. His eyes were burning but no matter how much Techno blinked the tears wouldn't fall.
If Phil was going to throw him out, he didn't want to seem weak for crying.
Phil chuckled. It was a pained and empty thing.
"Oh, Techno." He leaned in and pulled Techno towards him, using his hand to cup the back of Techno's head and press it into his chest. Techno could feel Phil's heartbeat against his cheek. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for making you think that's what was happening even for a moment."
Techno didn't understand. He tried to shake his head but Phil was holding him too tight.
"The important decision I was talking about with Simon was me planning to ask you if you wanted to be adopted by me."
Techno's eyes widened. What?
"It's been on my mind for a while," Phil said. "I just didn't know if you were ready yet."
"But- but you said to Simon you were afraid of upsetting me?" Techno asked, more confused than ever.
"Yes, because your biological parents are technically still around." Phil pulled back, holding onto his shoulders. "It was easier with Tommy, I've basically had him since he was an infant. He never had another dad. That's different for you, I didn't know if you'd want to be adopted."
"Oh," Techno said, and then not much else. He didn't know what else to say.
He felt like there was all this happiness inside him but it had gotten weirdly stuck in his throat.
"I was planning to ask during dinner tonight, that's why I wanted the entire family to come to this show. Sorry for ruining the surprise." Phil looked sincerely apologetic.
"You can still ask," Techno heard himself say. It was stupid, but his heart skipped a beat at the thought.
"I could," Phil agreed. "Though maybe we should have a little talk first about how you've been making yourself unhappy to fit in."
There were not a lot of conversations Techno dreaded more, though the little squeeze Phil gave his shoulder made him feel a bit better. "Maybe," he said.
"Techno, are you okay?" Tommy pretty much tackled him before Techno had a chance to answer. Wilbur was right behind him.
"Tommy, I told you to stay put," Phil said, probably mildly concerned at the idea that his youngest son was running around unsupervised. Wilbur shook his head.
"I came down after my set, I noticed something was wrong," Wilbur said. "What happened."
"Nothing," Techno answered quickly. "I uh, I got a bit overwhelmed. I'm sorry for making us miss the show, Wilbur."
"Ah, who cares about that." Wilbur slung an arm around his shoulder, smirking when that meant he had to push Tommy off a bit. "You know we can always give you guys a private concert later."
Techno nodded. "That'd be pretty cool."
"Do you want to go back in and see the rest of the acts?" Phil asked. "Or are you ready for food? We could head by the park and do an early dinner."
"I'm starving," Tommy complained dramatically, acting as if he was going to waste away from malnourishment despite inhaling half a stack of pancakes a few hours before. Maybe he only did it to make Techno chuckle.
"I could go for food," Wilbur said. "What about you, Techno?"
"Food sounds nice. But…" He picked at his nails again. At least until Tommy reached out to hold his hand, stopping Techno in his tracks. "But maybe we could stop by the chess club really quick first?"
"Oh, yeah! I want to beat Wilbur at chess!" Tommy said, excited. He started to lead the way, dragging his two brothers along.
"Well, I'm bringing Techno as my secret weapon," Wilbur shot back cheekily.
Techno didn't know what he had expected, but he wholeheartedly embraced what he got. If both Wilbur and Tommy wanted to go, chess club couldn't be too boring after all. And Techno was kind of looking forward to watching his brothers play, just as he was looking forward to dinner afterward. In a strange way, he was even looking forward to his talk with Phil.
In fact, something told Techno he had a lot to look forward to in the long run.