Temperance Ring, Heaven

Heaven. The metaphorical and literal paradise which countless faiths preached as being the reasoning and end goal for their existence on Earth. Pearly white gates, streets paved with gold, a land of milk and honey. This is the popular view of what Heaven is, however, the reality was just a tad bit different.

Pearly white gates, streets paved with gold, and all the other countless sights to revere? Those existed, sure. Where this diverges would be the people who inhabit Heaven, as they were just as imperfect here as they were in life.

For the people you would expect in Heaven were good people, sure. Among them were those who dedicated their lives to faith, those who dedicated their lives towards charity, and very generally those who were not blatant assholes in their previous lives.

However, when you are sent to Heaven you do not lose your freewill as an individual, therefore sin can still exist. It would be the greatest evil of all to remove the ability for people to choose from their lives, people deserved autonomy and the man upstairs knew this well.

There were still rules for continued existence in Heaven, your actions resulting in the death of another person being an example of a "big no-no". It was a scant occurrence; however, as the few people who made it to the gates of Heaven rarely commit terrible sins after their admittance.

Much like immigrating to a country, those lucky enough to get in were held to a much higher standard than those simply born there. For those born in Heaven this broadly non-strict set of rules allowed for some pretty shitty behavior if one cared to mask it under a "cheery" attitude, as it would go unpunished.

With a golden glow, near the front entrance of the lowest circle of Heaven was the newest arrival. Hours had passed since the last soul arrived, very few people made it through those gates historically and the rate seemed to be slowing down by the year.

Portland, Oregon, United States – Circa 2 Hours Prior

*Honk* *Honk*

"Move out of the way asshole!", screamed a rather disgruntled young man from the front of his very used Toyota Corolla. Leaning on the horn and aggression towards dumbass drivers were not a daily occurrence for this man… but it did happen quite often. This particular dumbass decided to stop in the middle of a four-way intersection, for what reason? Portland.

The man's name was Dante, a scrawny pale 22-year-old accountant working for a bland company doing bland work on his bland commute. This commute was, of course, made a bit more difficult by this mystery driver. The landlord hiked his rent by 20% this month because of "inflation", and Lord knows he was not about to be fired and kicked to the streets because someone forced him to be late.

With great dissatisfaction he blindly opened the door and stepped out to investigate what was the cause. In this moment, he made the decision without considering the consequences, and for that he would pay the ultimate price. As it would happen, a pizza-delivery driver inside of a 3000-pound hunk of metal approached him at illegal speeds and the pizza man did not react in time to the man in front of him.

*SPLAT*

If that was all there was to it, then that would end our story, a pretty average if a bit underwhelming guy gets sent to Hell. In his life he had never cared for anyone else, was too greedy to give to anyone in need, and to the end he had indulged in gluttony with video games, social media, and overindulgence in porn.

Humans were rarely ever selected individually by God himself, however. There had been a data-entry error in Heaven's database, he had been assigned the wrong VirtueID#, and with that spreadsheet error had accidentally gained the virtues of a philanthropist who dedicated his life to building a foundation for curing cancer and saving puppies.

Temperance Ring, Heaven

The golden glow of the new arrival gradually faded away. Dante opened his eyelids to be confronted with a nearly blinding heavenly glow, the sky took on a dreamlike pinkish hew and the arm he had raised to shield his eyes looked awfully different.

Upon further inspection, he could see the hoof of a deer in front of him. He would try to move his arm, only to see that the deer leg would move perfectly in line with his actions. "Wh-what...", he had was genuinely confused, the last thing he remembered was a terrible pain in his back and a sickening splat taking over his conscious.

From his back he could feel two new appendages beginning to flutter, the feeling was completely jarring and uncomfortable. Looking around Dante could see massive gates in front of him, but given a second look at the hooves below him he was not sure if the gates were massive or if he became shorter.

Amidst the severe whiplash going on in his brain he had eventually concluded the obvious, he was dead. Sadness, rage, and confusion all swept up his consciousness. How could he have been so stupid? Why didn't that driver stop in time? Why does he have deer limbs!?

Unbeknownst to him, a welcome party of cherubs had come to see him. They had met all kinds of new kind people at the gates of Heaven, and every new arrival was special enough for a personalized welcome. What they had not expected was a short hyperventilating stag wearing business casual crying on the floor.

Among the party was a sheep, a bumblebee, an alpaca, and a deer similar in appearance to the shriveled mess on the floor. Most of the cherubs looked at the new arrival with pity, though the deer among the group had a slightly different reaction. This deer was named Deerie, one of the more prominent heavenborn even if her role boiled down to middle-management at a multi-ring corporation. And she did not have a look of pity, rather her eyes held a bit of intrigue and amusement at the pile that was lying before her.

"Ope! Hey there buddy, do you need a minute?", Deerie spoke first before placing her hoof upon Dante's shoulder. Looking up, the new arrival saw the most adorable, freckled face of a doe creature adorned with deep blue eyes. His heart skipped a beat in his chest, and she had noticed him staring into her eyes with an unfamiliar… kind of cute expression, it made her feel weird inside.

"Well, if you're all done, we would like to welcome you to Heaven mister…", the doe had looked at Dante expectantly waiting for a name. This would hardly reach him. In deep thought he took the time to process that information, there was no way he had made it into heaven, he had barely even attended church these days.

His days on Earth had not been spent wisely in retrospect, he never made any meaningful connections with others in his past life, nor was he the most faithful in his religious beliefs. Meaningless days spent convincing himself that his life would get better if he just tried harder, if he just worked more he could get the connection he so desperately wanted.

The days he spent working, he spent paying the landlord, he spent shut in his room did not make him a better person, however. He had very few friends, no romantic relationships, gave no love and received no love from others. 'So why', he thought to himself, 'Why am I he-

"Earth to mister, who are you mister?", Deerie poked him in the forehead snapping him out of his thoughts. "My name… is Dante", the stag spoke still somewhat mortified from his self-reflection. With a loud *pop* of party favors it was only now that Dante realized that there was a posse of adorable beings just like the doe before him clapping and cheering for him.

"Nice to meetcha Mr. Dante, the name's Deerie", the doe looked upon him with sparkling eyes, shifting him up to his feet rapidly. In his past life the stag would have loudly protested being handled that way, but deep in his mind he made a resolution to better himself.

With a rather casual gesture, digging into her pocket Deerie pulled out a rather comically sized clipboard for her size, the clipboard containing his "file". While it did contain his sins, it also contained mistakenly attributed achievements.

While the doe was evaluating his file, she could not help but roll her eyes at the virtue section. Amazing, another one of these goody-two-shoes holier than thou assholes who "cared" about the poor and vulnerable? Great.

What she had felt was most amusing about his file, however, was the sins section. All of them seemed just so… pathetic to her, she could not hide her chuckles looking at the strikes for behavior befitting a loser. It was kind of cute.

"I see the sad excuse for a stag before me has quite a track record," she chuckled in between each word, the smile on her face getting larger by the second. "Quite the rebound eh, you must have really cared!", the last bit was spoken with a sarcasm as subtle as the car that crashed into him.

Dante felt even more guilty upon hearing her taunting voice, though her face portrayed a different story tone that was more playful and slightly sadistic. Deerie pulled him up into the air by the collar of his shirt, placing herself above him though she was already taller than him.

"If you are wondering what you are going to do here, then it will please you to know that you are now under my employ", the doe said with a cheeky inflection in her voice. "I mean… we figured you would not mind, you already worked as an accountant in your past life", she chuckled a little bit before shoving him in the back.

Work as an accountant? Again? It had not been the most exciting job in his rather mundane life, but he found it more exciting than any other kind of labor. It seems that even in paradise nobody is truly free from work.

"It will please you to know that your time in heaven will be spent with free food, shelter, entertainment, healthcare, and that weird internet stuff you humans use on top of a generous salary", the doe handed Dante a clipboard and a contract. The compensation package totaled $5,000,000 annually and the shift was from 9:00AM-3:00PM from Monday-Thursday including 3 months paid vacation and tickets to the office Christmas party.

It was almost blinding how fast his arm moved to sign the contract laid in front of him, you would have to be an idiot not to sign. Deerie looked at him with a bright and cheery smile, customary of any HR recruiter.

"We're glad to have you as part of the team Mr. Dante, we're a family here at Blessings Inc!", she threw out a bit of confetti and her entourage proceeded to reignite their party favors. "We've had a real shortage of bean counters dontcha know", her pockets revealed a bezelless smartphone with an unbitten apple on the back of it and a key ring with a singular numbered key. "Here's your work phone and the keys to your apartment, your work and home addresses should be saved on there, bye!"

With a puff of glittery smoke all the angelic creatures he had just met left him behind, walking beyond the gate he could see a sprawling dense cityscape with public buses and subways zipping by everywhere. Clumsily taking out his phone with his new appendages he was greeted with a rather simplistic interface, there were a few pre-installed apps such as Gabriel Delights, Raphael TV, and Michael Maps.

The phone seemed to automatically know what he wanted, opening Michael Maps, he would have to walk 15 minutes to his new apartment by tram ride. With a smile he walked across the clouds and onto a freshly paved sidewalk, a rarity in his hometown.

Down the street he encountered cute local businesses along with new human-looking angels and his own apparent species waving politely at him with a smile. Some had even stopped to try to give him a high five, a bit strange but he had reciprocated with his own wicked high five all the same.

When he had reached the tram a kind sheep was outside handing out samples of buttered pizza, pleasantries were exchanged but nobody paid for anything. The tram itself looked to be made of shining gold and aluminum, held up to a pristine level of cleanliness. And when he passed by to enter the tram, the kind sheep hugged him and offered him an especially large size.

"Welcome to Heaven, new friend!", she had spoken with a most peculiar and genuine enthusiasm. This was so alien, so strange, it was rapping his mind. The more time he spent in this place the more that he realized just how isolating human existence was.

People should be staring at their phones while passing by him, avoiding him without giving a second thought to him. Everyone else should be wrapped up in their own lives, they should be cold to and wary towards "strangers".

With tear-filled eyes Dante tightly squeezed the ewe in front of him and uttered a quiet thank you, she let him take the time he needed, and the tram seemingly waited patiently for him to get on as if it were sentient.

As they parted the yet unnamed doe gave him a warm smile and ushered him into the tram, where he was met with a relatively uncrowded shuttle. Everyone was engaging in pleasant conversation with one another, their friends and strangers sitting next to them all the like.

He still felt kind of uncomfortable with all of this, even if he was beginning to warm up a lot more to this kind of interaction between people. Within a few minutes they had traveled dozens of miles with short stops in-between for especially scenic views of the bustling city underneath the tram line.

With a click it had reached a hotel, and his phone had given him a notification that he should get off. Upon doing so he came into view of a massive skyscraper, a greeter coming to take his hand.

The two struck up a pleasant casual conversation on the way up, some hobbies were shared, and he came to know the greeter as Herold. They stopped in front of the door and exchanged goodbyes, the keys rising out of Dante's pocket and unlocking the door that matched its digits of "3850".

Stepping into his apartment the stag took in the view, it was an open area with a furnished living room, upstairs, and a large kitchen area stocked with food and a welcome basket with fruit in it. This was compared to his sparsely furnished shoebox in the suburban area of Portland, one that had costed him ½ of his take-home pay.

"You know, maybe now is the time to start living."