"What time is it?"

"Half past four." said the man as he raised his eyes from the newspaper. "Are you waiting for someone?"

"No." said Tonks watching a man crossing the street, his blue umbrella a splash of colour in the greyness of that rainy day "It's just..." she frowned thoughtfully. For a moment she had the feeling the man with the blue umbrella was looking straight at her. But it would have been impossible. "Don't you have the feeling that you have already lived this moment?"

The man smiled "It's just a déjà vu."

"Yeah, you're right." she agreed feeling a bit silly at the sight of his smile "It must be the rain. It has been raining for days now." she went on trying to shake away the feeling that something was wrong

The man folded the newspaper and put it on the coffee table, stood "Would you like to go out for a walk?" he asked, bored.

"But it is raining." Tonks reminded him

"So, what's the problem?" the man replied with a shrug of his shoulders

"I...I don't know." murmured the girl, hesitantly. The idea of going out made her feel uncomfortable "Tomorrow. Perhaps "

*Remus turned automatically towards the window. Behind the closed curtains, he knew that, despite the sun shining, the almost full moon was visible in the morning sky. He shook his head and passing one hand over his eyes, trying to free himself from the usual but unpleasant feeling of a foggy mind, he walked to the cot. There were no records of relationships between werewolves and wizards, the fear his son could inherit that curse had tormented him until the birth of Teddy. But, instead of a curse, he softly brushed the blue hair of the boy, he had inherited the amazing gift of his mother.

*He stepped aside just in time to avoid bumping into Bill who, caught up in the animated conversation with his mother passed by him without even seeing him.

"They are fighting because of Fleur. Again." explained in a bored tone of voice Tonks "That girl is annoying. I don't understand what Bill sees in her."

"Well..."

"I know," Tonks cut him short, a wrinkle appearing on her forehead, her nose turning into its usual shape"She is beautiful."

"She is clever and funny. "

"Share a room with her for a month and then we'll see how funny you find her." replied the girl and, still watching her reflection in the mirror, asked, "Do you think this colour suits me?"

For a long moment, Remus stared at her, at the blue curls resting on her shoulders, their colour standing out against her white pullover. In the last months, he had seen Tonks change her height, age, and the shape of her face, lots of times and every time, watching her doing that he had felt speechless, amazed, and a bit jealous.

" Yeah, I'm not entirely convinced of it too." said the girl interpreting his silence as a negative comment.

"Is that the true shape of your nose?"

"Uh? What?" asked Tonks looking at him, baffled by that question.

Realizing how awkward and silly his words should have sounded Remus bit his tongue, wishing she hadn't heard him. "It's just..." he sighed between himself looking away "It doesn't matter."

Tonks didn't know what had happened to him but something had made him change. She had had the feeling Remus wanted to avoid her, now he seemed to have always some good reason to be in the same room she was in. "Is it the book Sirius gave you for Christmas?" she sat next to him

Still embarrassed, a bit reluctantly, he lowered the book he was holding like a shield in front of his face "Yes."

"You have read more than half of it in two days," she noticed.

"It's not like I have much to do" replied Remus passing her the book.

"I wish I could say the same." yawned Tonks reading what the blurb on the back said. "But you are the only one my cousin listens to..."

"When he listens to me. Or at least when he talks with me." snorted Remus thinking back at their last fight. After what happened to Arthur, Sirius had offered himself to cover his turns. No matter how many times they had explained to him it would have been too dangerous for him and for the Order too, Sirius had insisted, refusing to see reason. Remus had been the only one able to calm him down. He was feeling sorry for his friend. He could understand how hard it had to be for Sirius to stay home watching everybody go in and out, while he was confined there. And Snape wasn't losing a chance to remember it to him, to make Sirius feel even more worthless. At least he had waited for Harry and the others to go back to Hogwarts before starting to behave like a child. "He spends hours in the attic with Buckbeak. And when he is not there...well," he smiled at that thought" I would happily send him back there. I had forgotten how stubborn he could be."

"It must run in the family." Tonks smiled back at him " My father says my mother is the most stubborn person he has ever met."

"This is because he doesn't know Sirius."

"Wait to meet my mother." chuckled the girl giving him the book "So," she went on bending one leg under the other and turning to sit facing him"Don't you like it?"

Her knee touching his leg, Remus was suddenly aware of how close she was. He hadn't been so close to a girl since...he couldn't remember since when. And anyway, no girl had ever troubled his mind and entered his dreams as she was doing. His fingers tickling with an unusual impatience, he found himself wondering what would have happened if he had made his hand casually slide on her knee. Then realizing she was waiting for him to say something "What?"

"My nose." said the girl, her smile widening at his puzzled expression "Would you prefer a snub one?" she asked "Or maybe a button one, or a hawk one, or a small one, or a Roman one..." she went on her nose changing shape faster and faster while she was talking " or a croc..."

"Stop it." he laughed starting to feel dizzy "Stop it, please," he repeated cheerfully brushing her hair away from her face, his fingers lightly caressing her cheek. "I think your nose is cute."

His heartily laugh and his touch, made a shiver run down her spine. Her nose turned into its usual shape, her eyes were sparkling, her gaze moved from his eyes to his mouth, to his eyes again, Tonks' heart began to race in her chest as soon as he slightly bent his head towards hers. She couldn't believe he had finally realized she liked him. Her hair turned bright pink without her noticing it."Do you..."

Suddenly the door opened.

"Here you are." said Hestia seeing the two sitting on the sofa "Are you ready?"

Seeing Remus had jumped backwards putting some distance between them, his face hidden behind the book again, Tonks sighed trying to hide her disappointment "Yes," she said wondering if Remus would have kissed her, Hestia had not opened the door "I'm coming." she stood and reached the door then stopped and turned to Remus " See you tomorrow." she said and catching his eyes she smiled at him "Anyway," she added before closing the door "yes, it is."

*"Did you sleep well?" asked sarcastically Andromeda as the door opened, cruelly emphasising how late in the morning was it. "I thought I would have found you here. Am I wrong or did you swear never to leave her side again? Clearly, you don't love her as much as a good night of sleep."

The heart in his chest was swollen with bitterness, anger, and guilt. Remus' face was showing the marks of another sleepless night, he held Teddy tighter to his chest too mad at her to say anything at all.

His gaze pierced her from side to side. The smile playing on her lips made her feel sick. All the hateful words they had said to each other in the previous days seemed to echo in the room again. Even the air in the room seemed to get colder, thought Andromeda, shivering. "Don't worry," she said coldly "I'm leaving."

Suddenly, awkwardly, the sight of her leaving made whatever strength was holding Remu's heart's pieces together, start to crumble. That woman blamed him for having destroyed everything she had ever cared for. Her hate for him was so strong he could feel it cut deep into him sucking his life out of him, leaving him powerless, alone and naked in front of his pain. He had never felt the burden of solitude as much as in those days. A burden so heavy, that Remus could feel his knees bending under it. A burden, he knew, Andromeda was carrying too. "Stay." he said tired, unable to fight against her anymore " You can stay if you want to."

His offer caught her by surprise. Her hand on the handle Andromeda stopped, frowning, not sure of having understood his words. For a moment she stood motionless staring at him, watching him step closer to the bed, whisper something to Teddy, who was strangely silent, before taking the boy's hand and bending slightly over letting him touch Tonks' cheek. Her daughter had wanted that baby so hard...it was unfair that they had been given so little time to spend together.

"Don't leave," sitting at Tonks' side, Remus broke that silence again "Please. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you at her side."

For the first time, because of something in the tone of his voice or, perhaps, because of the presence of Teddy, Andromeda didn't find the strength to reply and destroy the hope in his words. So, she simply nodded and went back to the window.

The door of the room opened again and a nurse entered.

"Thank you," said Remus seeing she had brought him lunch.

The woman looked at him, an annoyed expression in her eyes, she put the tray on the small table near the door and ignored Andromeda," Don't forget to drink the potion." she replied in a scornful tone before leaving the room.

"I'm sorry," said Remus noticing Andromeda was looking at the door, her lips pressed in a single line. She wasn't used to being ignored or treated so rudely "The fact that they are taking care of me" sighed Lupin lovingly brushing Tonks' hair "doesn't mean they are happy to have to do with a werewolf."

At those words, Andromeda narrowed her eyes in disdain. No matter what Ted had told her, what he had made her promise, she could never welcome Lupin in her family. Not someone so selfish to pity himself in a moment like that. She was just to say it when the baby began to cry.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" asked Remus rocking him. "Are you hungry?" he went on turning to the table where the nurse had left the tray "She forgot to bring your milk."

Andromeda watched Lupin look around searching for a way to call the nurse. A confused expression in his eyes, the full moon making it hard for him to think straight at the easy solution to the problem. Even though she had promised herself not to interfere her nephew's cry was too much to bear "Give Teddy to me." she said curtly "I'll take care of him."

Accepting Andromeda's offer meant he had to admit he wasn't able to take care of his son. Gloomily Lupin clamped his teeth. It was the hardest thing anyone could have asked him to admit in a moment like that but, he sadly realized his mind was so foggy he couldn't remember how to reach the nursery and Teddy crying loudly and loudly wasn't letting him think. Reluctantly he nodded then, as soon as she took Teddy, Lupin grabbed her arm "Take him home." he said in an authoritative and at the same time needing tone of voice "He can't stay with me tonight." fighting against the wish to advert her gaze he went on staring straight in her eyes"I don't want them to bring him to the nursery as if there is nobody who cares about him."

*The sound of the rain against the windows made her startle. Tonks pulled herself up to sit, stretching her arms, and yawning. She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep. Yawning again she stood up and, reached the window, pulled the curtain. How long had it been raining? She asked herself looking outside the window, the rain so heavy it was impossible to distinguish more than blurred colours. She couldn't remember a single sunny day since... she frowned thoughtfully, how long had she been there? She couldn't remember moving there. And where was there exactly? Her hand let the curtain go, her blood began to run faster in her veins as soon as she realized she couldn't answer that question. A buzzing sound began to echo in her ears, her head began to spin but she forced herself to stay calm. She had to have been there for a couple of days at least, Tonks thought, absently pacing the room, trying to remember what had she done in the last days, in vain. She stopped and stared at the ruined old tapestry covering the wall. All she could remember was that room as if she had spent every moment of her days and nights inside of it. At that thought, realizing something was wrong, very wrong, she almost ran to the door and opened it. For a brief moment, she stood there looking at the narrow, dimly lit passageway that led to a flight of stairs. When were those stairs leading? Tonks asked herself frowning. A mixture of fear and excitement running in her veins she reached it determined to answer her question. But as soon as her fingers touched the handrail she stopped again. Afraid. Terrified as she had never felt before in her life, she turned towards the room at the end of the passageway not sure of wanting to go upstairs anymore.

"What are you waiting for?"

Tonks startled seeing the man who used to sit in the living room with her coming out from a room she hadn't noticed before. "Who are you? Where am I?"

"Don't you know it?"

"Should I know it?" asked back the girl puzzled by his enigmatic question but somehow not afraid of him. Her gaze turned to the landing in front of her, Tonks clenched the handrail. Something inside of her saying she had to go upstairs, she needed to know, she wanted to know. "What's upstairs?"

"Why don't you go upstairs and see it yourself?" asked the man and seeing her hesitate he went on "What are you afraid of?"

"I don't know." admitted Tonks "It's just...What happens if I don't like it?"

"Only you can answer this question. But" replied the man "if you don't want to go upstairs, you can come to the living room with me. It depends on you. What do you want to do?"

*Silently he picked the blanket up from the floor and put it around Andromeda's shoulders again. She looked exhausted, older than she had looked only few days before. Her sisters had sworn to destroy her and, in a certain way, they had succeeded in doing it. First Ted, now Tonks...

"Arthur..." called Andromeda in a sleepy voice recognizing the red-haired man standing next to her daughter's bed.

"Any news?" asked the man and seeing the woman shaking her head went on "You should go home and rest."

"My place is with my daughter." replied the woman a bit rudely as if she had had to say it too many times that day. "Would you go home and rest if one of your sons was in that bed?" she asked but as soon as she had said it "Sorry" she added broken-hearted realizing how unfair her words had been "Sorry Arthur I didn't mean to..."

"I know, don't worry." the man cut her short reassuringly, "You are right" he admitted sitting next to her "I would sit here exactly as you 're doing."

"Sorry, I snapped at you." the woman repeated mortified "And the boys..."

"Don't worry." said the man sadly smiling at the sight of Teddy soundly asleep in the cot "They know you're not yourself right now."

Still feeling guilty but a bit relieved she suddenly realized it was too early in the morning for a visit "Why are you here? Molly, the guys..."

"They are fine." Arthur reassured her "I just needed to fill some papers before going to work..." he sighed then, wishing to change the subject, finding it strange he wasn't there, asked, "Where is Remus?"

"In his room."

"Oh, yes. The moon was full last night." remembered Arthur unable not to notice the grimace appearing on her face, knowing she blamed him for what had happened, added "Nothing and nobody could have kept Tonks from fighting."

"Do you remember the night my cousin died?" asked Andromeda

Arthur nodded. Two years had passed but he remembered that night well.

"I can't forget the surprise on Nymphadora's face as she saw us. "said Andromeda "I can still hear her blaming Kingsley for having sent us a message, for having made us worry for no reason. For no reason..." A sarcastic smile played on her lips as she repeated those words "Can you imagine it?"

Arthur looked at her sympathetically but before he could say anything Andromeda spoke again

"We shouldn't have encouraged her when she told us she wanted to become an Auror."

"It's not your fault. You know she would have applied for the job in any case."

"If only I had never mentioned Sirius..."

Arthur sighed. He had seen and heard Molly react the same way after their son's death. Asking herself if she could have done anything to prevent it from happening. "She is one of the best Aurors of the Ministry. She believes in her job." replied Arthur "Dumbledore would have asked her to join the Order."

He was right, Andromeda knew it, but she couldn't stop thinking she hadn't done enough to protect her daughter "That night I promised myself I would have killed my sisters if they had dared touch my daughter again."

"You did all you could do. We all did our best. " replied the man catching the resentment in her voice "You would have been dead now. Do you know that, don't you? If you had joined the battle Tonks would have been distracted by your presence. "

"And he? Wasn't she distracted by him? He knew she would have followed him...He knew she wasn't strong enough to fight. But he went with Kingsley!" replied the woman. Even knowing it wasn't entirely true, she couldn't stop thinking that if Remus hadn't taken part in the battle Tonks would have agreed to stay home "She fought for him. To protect him!" Andromeda said angrily "And now he sits here at her side, holding her hand begging her not to leave him..."

Arthur sighed again "I know you are angry. But you can't believe..."

"Could you go talking somewhere else, please?"

Andromeda's seat banged loudly against the floor as they both jumped on their feet at the sound of that voice.

"My head." moaned the girl rubbing her temples

"Dora..." murmured Andromeda unbelievingly, frozen, her heart running so fast it could have stopped

"Yes?" asked the girl, blinking, her eyes burning blinded by the light, wondering why they were looking at her as if were seeing a ghost.

*"Go away." the man groaned turning on his side

"Wake up." Arthur insisted shaking his shoulder.

"Go away!" he repeated covering his head with the blanket.

"Remus, listen! Tonks..."

That name rang like a bell in his ears "What happened?" Remus asked suddenly awake, jumping to sit. It was still dark outside the window, the hospital still asleep. There could have been only two reasons for Arthur waking him up at dawn after the full moon. Is heart began to run in his chest, his worst fear resounding in his mind."Is she..."

Arthur smiled happily "She woke up. "

"Is she awake?" Remus asked, not sure of having understood "Is she... When?"

"A couple of minutes ago?" The man nodded "The nurses wanted me to wait until you ...ouch!"

"Sorry." laughed guiltily Remus, realising he had hugged him too tightly. No sudden awakening had ever been more welcomed than that one. "I knew it! I knew they were wrong, that she was gonna wake up!" he exclaimed excitedly, fighting against the sheets wrapped around his legs. He was eager to run to her, meet her eyes, squeeze her, and kiss her. "How does she feel? She must be confused. It was quite a shock for me when they told me how long had I been unconscious." he went on excitedly standing and, walking unsteadily to the chair where he had hung his clothes, "And Teddy, she must have been shocked seeing how much he has changed in those weeks. And..." he leaned against the back of the chair, his knees wobbling "And...I wasn't there."

"Remus," Arthur cleared his throat "There is something you should..."

But a cloud darkening Remus' beaming expression, he didn't even notice the hesitation in Arthur's voice"I know." Remus cut him short. Dozens of thoughts crowded his mind. In those days spent sitting at her bedside, he had thought about the many things he had wanted to say to Tonks but had been too afraid to say, the many places he had wanted to show her. "I'm sure Andromeda didn't lose this chance to use it against me. To point out how inconvenient it had been for her to marry a werewolf. "

"It's not that. Listen..."

"I don't care, believe me."Remus cut him short wore his shirt and dashed out of the room, forcing his friend to keep up with him. "She can say whatever she wants to. I don't care if she hates me. Not now that Dora is awake."

For the second time in one week, he found himself wishing he could apparate inside the Saint Mungo so impatient to see her that Arthur's voice was only a buzzing sound.

Then, after what seemed an eternity he spotted the familiar door at the end of the corridor.

She was there, sitting in her bed, her back leaning against the pillows, talking with Andromeda. Tonks turned her head as soon he stepped into the room. Their gaze met. His stomach clenched, adrenaline rushed through his veins, and his heart exploded in his chest, she had never looked more beautiful, Remus thought running at her side. Wrapped his arms around her shoulders, he pulled her to him but, before he could kiss her, she pushed him away.

His hand touched instinctively his cheek, Remus stared at her speechless. He knew he had disappointed her, that for the umpteenth time, he hadn't been at her side when she had needed him the most.

Her face flushed with anger "Have you lost your mind?"

His mouth slightly opened as if he wasn't able to find the answer to her question he blinked a couple of times. That hadn't been the reaction he had expected. "I...I know I should have been here. But..."Remus stammered, stunned. "But l ..." his words died in his throat at the sight of Tonks pressing herself against the pillows to avoid the touch of his hand.

"What are you talking about?" she asked sharply and tensely staring at the pale, thin man in front of her. Her eyes studied his face and noticed the grey in his hair, the scars crossing his face, the shirt wrongly buttoned as if he had worn his clothes in a hurry.

At that question, Remus frowned, puzzled.

"She has lost her memory," said Andromeda

"What..." he mumbled between himself looking straight into Tonks' eyes and, recognizing fear and confusion in them, he moved half a step backwards.

"I tried to tell it to you." said Arthur "But you didn't let me talk."

"This is quite funny if you think that this is exactly what you wished for less than two years ago." Andromeda smiled, a sad, bitter smile "How does it feel knowing she doesn't remember you?"

"Andromeda!" Arthur reproached the woman. He knew the happiness of seeing her daughter wake up had been mitigated by the discovery Tonks had no idea of who she was. But it didn't justify taking pleasure at the expense of Lupin's misfortune.

Anyway, Remus didn't hear it, focused as he was on Tonks. "You don't remember..." he whispered astounded, the happiness that had warmed him, starting to fade away. He knew it was selfish but he couldn't avoid feeling blasted.

"Andromeda..." murmured Tonks between herself

"Don't you remember her?"Arthur asked gently

Tonks shook her head.

"It's ok. "he said in a calming voice seeing she was anxiously biting her lower lips "After what happened to you, it is normal to feel confused."

"How can I not recognise my mother?" asked Tonks starting to panic

Seeing Tonks twisting the hem of the sheet Remus made instinctively to take her hand but for the second time that morning, she shrank away. An invisible hand squeezed his heart. She was awake, she was alive, a voice said in his mind, that was the important thing.

"What did happen to me? " asked Tonks desperately needing answers "Why am I in a hospital?"

"Don't you know it? " answered Remus, his voice faltering, his emotions starting to overwhelm him. "You have been in a coma."That had been the second time he had feared having lost her. "For more than two weeks..."

"You're crying," murmured Tonks seeing the tears running down his cheeks.

"No...yes." replied Remus wiping the tears with the back of his hand "It's just...I'm sorry."

Realizing the reason why Andromeda and Arthur had looked so surprised when she had interrupted them "My doctors thought I wasn't gonna wake up, didn't they?" Tonks asked frowning.

"They..." Remus swallowed his tears trying to control his emotions, but his body didn't seem willing to cooperate.

"What they believed doesn't matter anymore." Arthur came to his help noticing both Andromeda and Remus seemed to have lost the ability to speak."We never stopped believing you would wake up." then turning to Remus, who was as pale as the blanket, whispered "Are you all right, Remus? "

Lupin nodded

"Remus..." Tonks repeated softly. Hoping, in vain, that name could trigger her memory. There was something about him. Despite having no idea of who he was, there was something familiar about him. "Who are you?"

His eyes met hers. Andromeda had been right. There had been a moment he had wished for Tonks to forget him, to have never met him. But no matter how painful those thoughts had been, it was nothing compared with the pain of hearing her asking that question. Hadn't he grasped the bar at the side of the bed, his legs would have failed him.