Author's note: I listened to 'When its cold id like to die-moby' I know some of you won't care about that but it makes the story just that much more bitter sweet when you do listen to the songs I recommend fyi. I just finished the last part, of this story and i am excited to share it with you guys, i'll prob release the end in a week or so. Kudos and comments are very welcome. Thanks and enjoy!
Chapter. 4 Hiraeth
Hiraeth- a homesickness for a home you can no longer return to or that never was.
~During~
Sasuke wasn't actually dead to him of course. Naruto knew a long time ago Sasuke Uchiha would plague him with his existence for the rest of his life. There was no way to really be rid of Sasuke.
Even after what Naruto had said to him, Sasuke carried on not seeming to have been bothered by the heated words in the least. He still showed for their trainings with Sakura. He still showed when Kakashi made the summons for their first mission. All the while Naruto did not speak to him and Sasuke didn't try to speak to him. Polite indifference.
Naruto didn't want to be apart of this new team 7. He didn't want to go on a mission with Sasuke or Sakura but it was to late. It was happening.
After Kakashi gave them mission details they met the secondaries they would be working with at the city gates.
"Team 7 is risen!" Shikamaru cried out when he saw the 3 of them headed their way.
Lee looked like he would rather cut his arm off than be on the assignment with team 7. He only grunted at Sakura in greeting to all of them. His lip looked healed. Naruto hoped that Lee wouldn't try for round 2 with Sasuke while they were out of the village.
It was supposed to be exciting. It was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be a new chance and they were supposed to rewrite the wrongs they all made as a team the first time. That was what Kakashi had promised so why did Naruto feel like the promise was now lackluster?
Shikamaru sensed the tension among them, and nervously lit up a cigarette. Naruto thought he heard him mumble 'what a drag.'
"You guys ready to head out then?" Sakura asked.
Then the 3rd from Lee and Shikamaru's make shift squad stepped out from behind a tree.
He was pale, and blonde, and his eyes were a baby blue shade Naruto was familiar with. He reminded Naruto of Ino, and then it clicked.
"You must be Innan." Naruto asked but already knew.
Innan tightened the bag on his shoulder. "Yeah. Innan Yamanaka. Sorry we have not met before Sir." Innan extended a hand to Naruto.
They wouldn't have met of course. What with Naruto shirking his service to Konoha, and Innan taking over Ino's old role for the Yamanaka clan. Innan was it's heir now and from what little Naruto had heard he was a respected ninja.
"Ah- don't- uh call me that please." Sir, it made Naruto cringe. "You're only like what 3 years younger than me?"
"Yeah, sure."
"First names are good with me." Naruto added when he started to worry the guy might come up with something more cringe than sir.
"And this is Sasuke." Sakura supplied to Innan as she went around to give him a half hug. Naruto guessed in the time he had not seen Sakura that Innan had probably seen her alot. They seemed comfortable.
Sasuke gave that careless look of his. "Who's team lead, then?" Everyone looked at Shikamaru.
In their youth the Konoha 12 had always defaulted to Shikamaru as team lead or Neji if he was there.
"Oh come on." Shikamaru scuffed his boot on the pavement. "Fine. Whatever. Fine. Let's go already."
Everyone walked in clicks. Sakura with Lee who in Naruto's opinion could go jump off the Hokage mountain as far as he cared. But he was also lying, Lee absolutely could do no such thing. Shikamaru was about the only one Naruto didn't mind being around during the excursion. Sakura and Sasuke were on the same shit list. Lee had his own shit list. Then Innan Naruto didn't quite well know well enough to decide if he enjoyed his company or not.
Innan was chatty that was about all Naruto knew by this point. The guy hadn't taken so much as a breath in between each new sentence he started, since they left Konoha. Innan was walking with Shikamaru and Naruto heard bits and pieces. Things about the Yamanaka clan, about Innan's family, he apparently liked plants alot, and was heavily into learning new tech, and dutifully Shikamaru nodded along. Pretending to care. After Naruto supposed Shikamaru had his fill of the blabber he fell back in pace with Naruto who was bringing up the rear.
Shikamaru looked on the verge of a headache. "Kid talks alot huh?" Naruto chuckled as Innan set his sights on Sasuke for company. Sasuke was at the very front of the formation as his eyesight was the best.
"You wouldn't believe it." Shikamaru shook his head. "Reminds me of someone though." Shikamaru said deep in thought.
"Ino?" Naruto scratched his head at that one because Ino wasn't shy but she sure never talked as much as Innan.
"No." Shikamaru followed Innan as he sidled up next to Sasuke at the front warily. "You. Dummy."
"Me?" Naruto shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Well not you now," he pulled the lighter out of his pocket and started to click it just for something to do. "but the you from when we were little. You were worse. I used to wonder if you even shut up when you slept."
Naruto scowled. Shikamaru was right. Naruto had been like that once. Cheerful. Happy. Talkative.
"You and Sasuke allright? Sakura might have mentioned some weirdness between you during training and i just wanna make sure everyones good for this, no conflicts of interest yeah?"
Naruto wasn't about to share with Shikamaru what he had discovered. That it wasn't just Sakura, Naruto didn't know what to do with anymore, it was Sasuke now to.
"Weirdness, between me and Sasuke? Pfft. No." Naruto lied. "We're fine."
"Hmph." Was his only response.
Naruto wished he could hear what Innan was saying to Sasuke. He wished he could hear what Sasuke was saying to Innan to. Sasuke was talking to Innan... that annoyed Naruto.
Naruto was so engrossed in trying to figure out what was being said at the very front of their congregation he almost missed it. Shikamaru's little slip up. For the smallest fraction of a second Naruto watched Shikamaru's eyes drift up just slightly. They landed on Sakura's back side. No fucking wonder Shikamaru seemed to be getting all this insider information from her. Naruto rolled his eyes. Shikamaru was one to talk about conflicts of interest.
After they had been traveling for awhile Shikamaru told them to make camp.
Sakura was setting up their tents. Sasuke put himself on kitchen duty.
Naruto ignored his own team, and helped Innan with his tasks before they could start taking shifts to sleep.
"Here's your Com." Innan handed one to Naruto, and Naruto helped him set the rest of them to rights. Tomorrow they would have to split up and the communicators would be imperative to their mission. Each communicator had it's own camera and microphone. There was a series of wires that allowed the signal to transmit between them. The little red button lit up on each device, and Innan smiled. "You're pretty familiar with tech huh?"
"That surprise you?" Naruto asked twisting wires together so they would fit into the transmitters.
"A little." Innan shrugged. "You struck me as more of a weapons guy or-"
"The weapons guy is Sasuke." Naruto said without thinking then felt foolish when Sasuke turned his head their way. "But i'm not a tech guy either."
Naruto sat each of the communicators down as he finished with them.
"Where'd you learn about this stuff then if not from your..." Innan's voice trailed off and Naruto didn't fill in the blank he was asking him to. What would Naruto even say Sasuke was to him anyways? Friend was to little, boyfriend felt weird, lover made Naruto think Sasuke would punch him if he said it.
"I have a friend." Naruto pressed the signal buttons to test them 3 times like he remembered. "Shino is super into this kind of stuff, well this and bugs." Naruto laughed recalling the way Shino's creatures always seemed to crawl around the vicinity he was in. Most people were unnerved by it but Naruto never was. Spiders were pretty cool, and roaches were worse than beetles, but beetles were better than crickets in Naruto's opinion. It was funny to him that he had spent enough time with Shino in life to have a preference of the bugs he kept. Naruto was so lost in thought he didn't realize he was still smiling. Innan smiled back.
"Your friend sounds nice, maybe you can introduce me after this mission? I'm always looking for other tech guys to brainstorm with."
Naruto felt his smile fade. "I should have said had i had a friend. He died in the war."
"Sorry. That's awful. I didn't mean to bring that up for you i-"
"It's all good." Naruto lied.
It was silent while the final adjustments were made.
"You mind suiting up your squad? I'll handle my guys?" Innan asked already scooping up 3 comms.
"Yeah sure." Awkward.
Naruto started with Sakura not because he was a coward but because she was standing closest. Naruto pulled the wires around her chest, and she rested an arm on his shoulder while he worked. She wasn't paying Naruto any mind she was to busy staring at Shikamaru.
"Shikamaru huh?" Naruto whispered in her ear deviously. He couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease her even though he still didn't know where they stood.
"I Shika-" her face started to turn pink. She started twisting in his arms nervously. "Don't know what you think but-"
"Settle down, now." Naruto laughed while trying to reset the wires she just pulled out. "You know I'm not gonna tell anyone. It'd be hypocritical of me." They both got quiet as Sasuke walked passed carrying a bucket of water he could use for cooking.
"Yeah." Sakura agreed.
"So Shikamaru." Naruto prompted. He was only a little curious how that might have started up and when.
"It's not like we've been sneaking around for years or anything, it's new. We're still figuring it out. That sounds stupid doesn't it?"
"No." He meant it to. Naruto felt like he would spend the rest of his life 'figuring out' Sasuke.
"After the war Sasuke was gone and you and I weren't... well Shikamaru was there, and we talked about Ino alot you know? He misses her as much as i do. He's good. I think he's really good for me."
"I think he's good for you to." Naruto pushed a strand of her hair back into place behind her ear. Naruto gave it this one mission before she chopped her hair off again. There was no way she remembered how unruly her hair was on missions or she would have already chopped it. Naruto recalled pulling bits of cotton candy colored hair from his butt crack more times than he had cared to. The stuff was like glitter it got in any and everywhere.
The air between them was clearing Naruto could feel it. He wasn't harboring that same resentment he carried for 2 years.
"Sasuke told me." He wasn't sure what it was that made him tell her right then but he just wanted her to know.
"Told you what?" Her head turned to look up at him thoughtfully.
Naruto heard the sticks and rocks Sasuke had been moving around for the fire halt. He was listening to them, Naruto could tell. Then the noise of sticks burning could be heard as Sasuke continued on.
"About Neji."
Sakura closed her eyes like it was to painful to look at Naruto. She nodded her head. "I wish he hadn't." She opened her eyes to search Naruto's and pulled him into a hug while the wires were still in the way. Naruto rested his chin on the top of her head. "That's why isn't it- why you aren't speaking and- oh Naruto."
"That's not on you. Sak." He kissed the top of her head.
"It wasn't all on Sasuke. I could have chosen Neji. You know that right?" She crossed her arms out in front of her. "Sasuke and i both chose you, it's on both of us for what happened."
Naruto sighed as he connected the final bit, and stepped away to inspect his work.
"I know, it is." He turned away without another word. They both had a hand in what happened. Naruto was struggling with coming to terms with it. He was sick of thinking on it honestly.
He crossed paths with Lee who whispered 'Dickbreath.' and lightly bumped his shoulder. This mission was going to be a big bag of fun.
When he walked over to Sasuke he had the fire going, and was cooking what seemed like fish. Naruto tossed his communicator next to his pack without a word. Sasuke could figure it out on his own.
Naruto spent the rest of his night in one of the trees above the camp. He didn't eat the fish Sasuke made. Innan came to ask him to take over on watch, and he stayed for a bit to keep him company. The kid really loved to talk.
Naruto watched him as a ladybug crawled up his elbow, and Innan let it scurry up his pinky.
"You would have given Kiba a run for his money." Naruto admitted fondly.
"Who's Kiba?" Innan asked his blue eyes somehow even paler in the moonlight.
It was a shame Ino hadn't lived. She would have told Innan all about the Konoha 12. She would have been the heir to the clan and Innan could have gone elsehwere, out of the line of duty. Maybe a cushy job in the Hokage's office. This kid was to kind for this work, Naruto had only known him a day and he already knew that.
"Kiba was Shino's best friend."
"Did he die in the war to?"
"Yeah."
"You lost alot of friends back then huh?"
The lady bug took flight and it's silhouette was overtop of the moon before Naruto could answer. The stars were twinkling, and the hum of crickets was around them. It was a beautiful Konoha night to remember his friends.
"I knew Ino but would you wanna tell me about the others?"
Innan kicked his legs back and fourth where he was sat next to Naruto on the tree limb.
"You don't wanna hear about them it's not pretty it's to-" Naruto searched for a word. "tragic how it all ended."
"Sometimes the most beautiful things in the world are tragic." Innan answered back staring up at the moon. "I really wanna hear about them though if you wanna tell me."
Naruto wondered if any of the others were still awake and if they could hear them up here. He decided it didn't matter he wanted to talk about the ones they lost.
Naruto leaned up against the tree getting comfortable, and he pulled his feet under him.
"Years ago, they called us the Konoha 12..."
.
.
.
~After~
People always said that hate was the opposite of love. Did that then mean, grief was the parallel to love? Love was deep affection and a feeling of attachment outside of ones-self, it was warmth and an infinite number of glimmering memories. Grief was the absence of love, the aching bereavement it left behind in its wake when love reached its end was like a black hole of nothingness. Every love had to end, didn't it? Through a break up, or losing touch, but especially in death love ended and what you had after was grief. Grief couldn't exist without having first been called love, after all. Naruto pondered hate, and love, and grief searching for answers to an unsolvable question. What had the point been? What had the point been when Naruto hated Sasuke? What had the point been when Naruto loved Sasuke? What was the point now in grieving Sasuke?
"It's all fucked Shika." Naruto had long stopped thumbing through the busy work Kakashi had pulled together for him. It laid in piles around the desk he and Shikamaru had shared since Naruto became the Hokage's official apprentice. "This whole world is fucked."
Shikamaru nodded thoughtfully in agreement. "Yeah." Then he abandoned his own pile of folders, and searched his shirt front pocket. He pulled a cigarette out, and lit up. Naruto watched him. "You want?" He offered.
"No. Sasuke never liked it when i smoked."
Shikamaru got a crude little smile on his lips. "Well if that isn't just the pot calling the kettle black."
It was raining outside and Naruto saw the droplets of water bead up against the window and roll down. The Hokage mountain stood off in the distance like some horrible omen. The shadows made the Hokage look scarier somehow.
For a long time they sat in silence. Both of them watching the ripples fan out from the puddles on the ground.
The smoke on the air was a warm and welcome comfort. If Naruto let himself he could have closed his eyes and pretended it was Sasuke sitting there across from him. He could have breathed the scent of smoke in until it made him feel drunk, and happy, but it would just be another lie he told himself to get through the day so he didn't bother. 'Any second now. I'll see you in five.' He had come up with so many lies to get through his days.
Naruto grabbed a pile of papers and got back to his work. Work was good. He didn't have to think if he was working.
.
.
.
~During~
"I fucking told you guys!" Naruto snarled trying to rub the dust out of his face. "We should have waited for Shikamaru!"
Another bolt of lightning zapped into the wall across from them. All 3 members of team 7 were curled in on themselves, attempting to hide from the hailstorm of rocks and debris falling all around them. Sakura had the feudal lords daughter wrapped in her arms as she whispered to her calming words. Naruto wished he could believe her. 'It's alright. It's going to be fine.' After a minute or so the girl stopped crying.
Naruto still didn't quite know how he felt about Sakura at this point. When Sasuke admitted his part in Neji's death Naruto had thought of allowing peace to come between him and Sakura but he hadn't quite worked himself up to it yet. He had held the grudge with her for 2 years and it wasn't something he could just let go of overnight. He was still about as angry with her as he was Sasuke but it did not mean he wanted either of them to end up crushed by some boulder.
Their first mission as Team 7 in years and they had screwed the pooch so to speak. It was a simple recovery mission Kakashi gave them. Naruto had done these in his sleep before, but team 7 wasn't exactly in sync at the moment and the teamwork had definitely been lacking. Naruto still wasn't speaking to Sasuke not that he had tried to speak to him anyways, and so Sakura was the only one with which either of them spoke. Naruto had told him not to speak to him ever again hadn't he? Genius move when you're about to go on a mission to save the feudal lords kidnapped granddaughter.
Naruto ran a hand through his hair to wipe off the bits of rubble, his hand came away with some blood on it. He could feel the tiny cuts all over his face and head. It made him wish for Kurama. How foolish he had been, how easily he had taken for granted the demon fox and his many amazing abilities. If he still had the fox they wouldn't be in this situation most likely.
"You know she'd have died if we waited any longer." Sakura yelled back over the noise of more lightning bolts being tossed their way.
The little girl in her arms wailed and Sakura tried to calm her all over again.
They didn't have many options. They were penned down. All they could do was return fire and try to hold them off.
Sasuke aimed some shuriken he had attached to some invisible wires, and let them fly. Someone in the distance cried out and Sasuke smirked at having hit at least one target.
Naruto met his eyes. "What are we going to do?" Naruto asked even as he already knew what needed to happen.
"Oh- so you're speaking to me again?" Sasuke set up for round 2 of his shuriken attack, still holding Naruto's gaze. "I'm so honored."
The 4 of them were trapped in the remains of an old shrine. When they had recovered the little girl they made it as far as the shrine before they had to take cover from their pursuers. They had intended to use the girl as a form of leverage against the feudal lord and it was team 7's job to make sure that didn't happen. There was a squad of 5 on the other side of the wall they were hiding behind, and they seemed to favor lightning style. If it weren't for the girl they were taking turns shielding it wouldn't be much of a problem. But odds weren't in their favor. If they had waited for the rest of their group (Shikamaru, lee, and Innan.) it would have been a cake walk.
"Yeah well what's that saying about you should do everything you want right now because there's only so many tomorrows?" Sasuke frowned at him. "You need to get them out of here." Naruto said seriously looking at Sakura shielding the little girl with her body as she continued to sob uncontrollably.
"No." Sasuke let loose more shuriken and Naruto heard them whipping through the air. "Don't even suggest it."
There was only one option at this point Naruto realized. Sasuke could teleport out of here using his rinnegan, just not with all of them. He was to exhausted by this point. They had been on the mission for days now, and Sasuke was barely at 25% of his chakra. Sasuke had a better shot of getting Sakura and the girl out of here without Naruto's extra burden.
"Sasuke come on you know-" Naruto didn't get to finish what it was that he knew because Sasuke tossed a shuriken at him and Naruto had to deflect.
"What i know-" Sasuke said his voice dripping acid. "is only scum would leave a teammate behind." His eyes were dark and menacing.
Naruto swallowed thickly. "There's not another option, Sasuke."
"I won't do it." Sasuke threaded some kunai onto his wire, he used up all the shuriken, and Naruto watched in awe as he latched a tiny chidori onto each one. Naruto wondered which family members kunai it was he was using. "You're fucked in the head if you think i'll leave you behind."
They weren't passed what had happened between them but there was something about being in mortal peril that pushes everything else to the back burner. All you can see is that moment while you're in it.
"Sasuke take them, portal out of here and-"
"No!" A wave of lighting came from overhead, and the impact shook the ground and the wall like an earthquake. "Get down!" Sasuke dove to the floor and ended up jumping on top of Naruto.
When the tremors stopped Naruto pushed him back off. "I can take care of my self!" Naruto didn't need to be babied. Sasuke looked at him unsure but resumed returning fire.
Then the sound of static came out of Naruto's communicator.
"Team 7, hold your position. This is team captain. I repeat hold your position. Back up is in route. Estimated 5 min arrival time."
Naruto threw his head back in relief. "Oh thank fuck!" He cried.
"Team 7 do you copy?" Shikamaru's voice asked through the Com.
Naruto confirmed, and he saw the relief in both of his teammates faces. Then Sakura started freaking out. "Oh god, oh no- i thought she just passed out or-"
Naruto crawled over to her and he saw it the same time Sasuke did. She had a shard of rock sticking through her stomach. "Is she-" Naruto cringed and couldn't bare to ask.
"Yes- She's alive- but just barely. She won't last long we have to get her out of here." Sakura looked desperately between her teammates.
"Sas-"
"I said no!"
"It doesn't matter now." Naruto grabbed his shoulders as another lightning bolt took out the bit of stone Sasuke had just been standing in front of. "The kids hurt, she's going to die! You have to get them out of here!"
"But you-"
"Shikamaru said 5 minutes. Are you really going to insult me and say you don't think i can hold my own for 5 minutes?"
Naruto's throat went dry waiting for Sasuke to decide. His stomach twisted, would Sasuke make the right call?
"I'll see you in five then." Sasuke said briskly and professional like, but his eyes roved over Naruto like a man thirsting to death.
"I'll see you in five." Naruto parroted.
Sasuke handed Naruto a handful of kunai, and even filled his pockets with some. Then Sakura had the girl cradled in her arms ready to teleport, she grabbed onto Sasuke's cloak.
"I mean it-" Sasuke pulled him close and kissed him hard and desperate. "I will see you in five."
Naruto cupped his cheek, letting the warmth sink into his fingertips. He couldn't bare it they had to go now or he wouldn't let them leave. He let his fingers fall to the golden medallion around Sasuke's neck and then he said "Leave me, please."
Naruto pulled his hand back and then the 3 of them did disappear into a whirlpool of moving air.
'I will see you in five.' Played in Naruto's head the entirety of those 5 minutes. It was a promise. More to come later. More talking. More of them. More than nothing. In those five minutes Naruto let it go, what had happened all those years ago with Neji Hyuga. Sakura hadn't killed him by choosing Naruto. Sasuke hadn't killed him by choosing Naruto. Naruto hadn't killed him by continuing to live on. No Neji's and Tenten's death were cruel twists of fate, no one's fault. Then what occurred to Naruto that never did before came to him. If it had been Sakura or Sasuke lying there on that cot. Well, Naruto might have just sacrificed 10 Neji Hyuga's for them wouldn't he have? Naruto decided if there was a hell he would probably go there for that thought alone, but he didn't care because he was going to see Sasuke in five and everything between them was resolved now. And now they could have a proper go of things couldn't they? An entirely new beginning where Naruto wasn't weighed down by guilt.
Naruto sent kunai flying off into the distance and before he knew it Shikamaru had arrived with Lee. Sasuke had already killed off 2 of the guys so it was an one on one fight from there. Naruto felled his guy quickly and went on to help Shikamaru.
When all of them were taken care of and disposed of Naruto went around collecting the kunai off the ground. Sasuke wouldn't care about the shuriken. Naruto made sure to take care the way Sasuke always did when he gathered them. He smiled when he met back up with Lee and Shikamaru, even though Lee still glared at him. It had been over five minutes now.
Naruto followed them as they headed back to their base outside the city. It consisted of a run down shack next to a tiny pond that was so dirty it was nearly black. Sasuke would have teleported them there Naruto surmised.
Naruto pushed the door open and had been entirely set to throw his arms around Sasuke but his body stalled out when he saw the body bag lying in the middle of the floor. Sakura was in tears working on the little girl there was blood splattered and pooling - and there was a BODY BAG in the middle of the floor.
Had Sasuke been even more depleted than Naruto originally thought? He fell down to his knees, and Sakura's face turned from sorrow to shock.
"Naruto."
"He said- he promised." Naruto's throat felt like fire. "He said i'll see you in five." Sakura looked confused.
Lee and Shikamaru were at the door with their heads bowed.
Naruto had a hand hovering over the body bag, trying to gather the courage he needed to pull it down and see that beautiful, arrogant, asshole for the last time.
Then Lee's words from the restaurant came rushing back up at him. "I hope you fucking die!" Lee had screamed at Sasuke.
Naruto whirled around ready to pound Lee's face into oblivion, but there he was by the door out of Naruto's line of sight. That beautiful, arrogant, asshole looking at Naruto in something attune to pity or worry.
"You fucker." Naruto wailed and scrambled across the room to close the distance between him and Sasuke. "You fucker- i thought-" Naruto shook his head, and grabbed Sasuke around the middle. "i thought-"
"I know." Sasuke pushed his face down into his shoulder. "I didn't it's not me. I kept my promise."
Naruto sobbed.
.
.
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~After~
Naruto flopped down on the couch. He had pulled Sasuke's hoodie on earlier, and allthough he was quite warm he didn't take it off. He liked that he felt warm wearing it. It was like a hug, in a pathetic way.
What should he do tonight, Naruto wondered. Before Sasuke he might have taken a walk around the village or begged for some free ramen at Ichiraku. During Sasuke they would have probably gone out for beers with Sakura and Shikamaru, then come home for a happy ending with each other. After Sasuke- what even was there?
Sasuke had always been the pillar by which Naruto measured everything. Naruto thought Sasuke would probably laugh himself silly to know that even after death Naruto still held him as the absolute center of his world. Sasuke was his every thought. His name was a haunting spell Naruto couldn't seem to escape.
Naruto looked over at the kunai, they glinted in the moonlight coming in from the window. He pulled the hood up over his head, and decided the perfect way to spend this evening was indeed asleep.
He dreamt of days spent with his legs dangling off the dock, next to Sasuke's. They each had a fishing pole in their hands, and they weren't yet rivals. Times were easy. Simple. Naruto longed to stay there in his childhood paradise, but even asleep he knew that if he could go back to those simpler times he wouldn't belong there anymore. He was to weathered by the world now. Then all to soon he was waking back up into the world where Sasuke no longer existed.
Naruto started to think that staying in their apartment with all their things might be torturing him. It might be bad for him even.
.
.
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~During~
It turned out it had been Innan in the body bag. When he was with Shikamaru and Lee a sniper got him from a rooftop. That was why it had taken them so long to show up before team 7 had rescued the kid. They had been busy dragging Innan's body back to their safe house. Naruto couldn't be mad at that, but he was a little mad at himself. For the immense relief he had felt when he realized Sasuke wasn't the dead one. Guilt was something Naruto figured he would be working on the rest of his life.
Shikamaru and Lee had gone ahead with Innan's body while team 7 got to make the meet up to return the child back to her family. The girl had really taken to Sakura and neither Naruto nor Sasuke wanted to trade jobs with Shikamaru and Lee.
The feudal lord was standing at the end of a dirt road with soldiers flanked to his sides and then behind him what looked like an entourage of his family. The girl broke out into a run when she saw them. "Father!" She cried and jumped up into a man's arms. They shared the same vibrant purple hair color.
"Hinari." The man held the girl close and then the other family members descended and fussed over the girl checking her for injuries or any sign of distress.
"Don't worry, i fixed her up. She'll be tired for a few days but a full recovery i expect."
The feudal lord looked over team 7. Sakura with her bleeding heart, and warm smile. Sasuke with his surly grimace. Then Naruto who couldn't stop sneaking peaks over his shoulder at Sasuke. The feudal lord looked pleased to have been wrong about them. If Naruto had to guess he even looked at them in reverence.
"I'll have my physician be the judge of that." The feudal lord said with a laugh. Scratch that maybe the feudal lord still didn't give a dog shit about team 7 even if they saved his granddaughter.
The feudal lord had given team 7 a proper shit talk days ago. Sakura took the brunt of it. Some off the wall comment about medics shouldn't be women.
"Are you fucking-" Sakura muttered. "serious?"
Sakura was right in the feeling of injustice she felt. Naruto felt it to. They had lost Innan in the effort to save the feudal lords granddaughter and he still scoffed at them like ignorant little children. As if the physician he possessed could ever hope to rival the skill Sakura had. Feudal lords were dicks.
"Ladies shouldn't curse, Miss Sakura." One of the feudal lords assistants said.
"Get fucked old man." Then Sakura was spinning around on her heels headed back towards Konoha.
The feudal lord laughed again.
Naruto blinked in surprise watching as she walked off. Sasuke ran a finger over his mouth like he was itching it, but Naruto knew he was hiding his smile.
"Well i guess we will just be one our," Naruto took the bag of cash the assistant had been holding. "way."
As soon as they were out of the sight of the dirt road Sasuke caught up to Sakura and they high fived.
Naruto loved that moment. He wished he could bottle it up, and save it for all time. It was so perfect, and nostalgic. It made Naruto feel like a little kid again. Back in the days when Kakashi had been the one to fight off all of their bad guys, back when none of them knew of death and grief or guilt. Hiraeth, he remembered Hinata called the feeling when he told her about it.
Watching the 2 people he loved most in the world share something as simple as a high five made Naruto feel infinite. He jogged to catch up to them both.
Naruto threw his arms around both of their necks. The 3 of them walking together in a line, perfectly in sync.
"You know," Naruto started looking at Sakura. "i keep my spare key under a cement frog these days. Just in case you ever need to you know, water my plants or whatever when i'm not home."
Sakura beamed up at him. Naruto felt one of Sasuke's hands come up to nestle itself in his hair and he stroked it fondly. "Nicely done, deadlast." Sasuke whispered to him.
And so that was how he and Sakura put the passed 2 years behind them. It was momentous but it wasn't. It wasn't a long drawn out talk, it was the simplicity of a key, that was an offering of peace. For 2 years he shoved her out of his life, and made her less than an aquantance. This was how he allowed her back in, and it was perfect.
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~After~
"Thanks, it looks great." Shikamaru told him inspecting his freshly cleaned and organized desk. The air smelled like bleach, and Naruto's nose stung slightly. He might have overdone it on the chemicals. Shikamaru had taken Sakura on a short getaway for the last week. To get her mind off of things. She was struggling to, which made Naruto a bit glad if he had to be honest.
It was nice not to be alone in this. After all misery loved company right? Sakura had spent most of her time since Sasuke died taking care of Naruto and now that he was back to work, she was apparently learning new things. Shikamaru said she tried her hand at crocheting, painting (which she had been shit at), yoga (which she had no patience for and gave up the first day), and finally she was on a cooking kick which Shikamaru liked alot. Naruto guessed it made him think of Choji. How Shikamaru would have loved for Choji to have been around for all of the elaborate meals Sakura planned. Steak with smoked asparagus, lemon glazed salmon, and handmade herb butter noodles. Yeah Choji would have loved that.
"Yeah i got a little bored so-" Naruto hadn't actually been bored not at work at least. The Hokage's office always had a steady flow of paperwork. While Shikamaru and Sakura were gone Naruto had ended up with alot more spare time in his hours off than he knew what to do with. So some of the nights he snuck in here and cleaned just to keep his mind occupied for a while. The busier he kept his hands the less likely he was to reach for a bottle. He knew it was a slippery slope. If he wasn't careful his drinking would turn into a full blown addiction like it had been the first time after the war. He didn't want to go back to that, but the numbness that came with drinking felt so good. He had limited himself to one drink a day now that he was working again.
"I can see that." Shikamaru picked up the cup of pens Naruto had coordinated by color, then he peered at the stack of folders already alphabetized on his desk. "How are you doing, by the way. Eventful week?"
"Yeah. Mostly just tried to keep myself busy." Naruto put a hand behind his head and rubbed his hair awkwardly. Then he remembered he had wanted to get to Kakashi's desk before he got in for the morning. "In a few you can tell me all about the trip but i was gonna work on Kakashi's desk next so-"
"Don't do that." Shikamaru dropped the pen cup onto the desk and they shot out in differing directions before falling to the floor. "I uh- Kakashi won't really like that." Shikamaru grabbed Naruto's wrist stiffly and guided him back to their shared desk.
He wouldn't like his desk organized?
Naruto narrowed his eyes.
"Yeah he's like super crazy about it." Shikamaru nodded and who was he trying to convince more? "Doesn't want anyone going through his stuff and misplacing it you know."
"That's weird because i've cleaned it before and he never-"
"It's a new thing with him, you just might not have noticed since you've been out and everything." Shikamaru smiled nervously.
"Oh.." That would kind of make sense right with what happened, maybe Kakashi was just feeing guarded and Naruto understood that. He didn't particularly like anyone coming over to his apartment anymore. Maybe that was how Kakashi felt with his desk, he just wanted privacy.
"No worries, it's all good. Lets just go ahead and get started for the day. Yeah?"
Then Shikamaru was loading his desk down with papers. Naruto nearly let it go. He was focused on the stamping, and the envelopes. Then it occurred to him.
Kakashi didn't give a rats ass about privacy. When they were kids Naruto and Sasuke had walked in on Kakashi banging some lady while they were out on mission. Kakashi hadn't even been the one to close the damn door. It had been Sasuke.
What exactly was it in Kakashi's desk that Shikamaru hadn't wanted Naruto to see?
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~During~
Naruto vowed to never attend another funeral and he fucking meant to keep his word.
Innan had been dead a week. Tonight his clan was laying him to rest in the same place Ino was. Naruto hadn't even pretended he was going to go to the service. Sasuke convinced him they should at least celebrate Innan in some kind of way. So here they were at some bar.
Naruto and Sasuke hadn't left his apartment for the last 2 days. They'd been busy making up for all the time they lost not talking. They hadn't had a 'big' talk yet which Sasuke insisted they needed to have soon. Naruto wasn't looking forward to it. He was looking forward to going home with Sasuke after this though.
Someone hip checked the old jukebox in the corner and a song began to play. Sasuke started tapping his fingers on the bar. Naruto kept nursing his martini. He didn't know Innan well enough to know what he might have drank or if he had even ever had a drink but he struck Naruto as a martini kind of person. So that's what he was drinking tonight a martini for Innan.
'Come and get your love.' Sasuke was half mumbling and half singing next to him on the stool.
Naruto spun around on his stool to look at the room, people were flocking onto the dance floor. The song was a popular one, it was a whole vibe he supposed but it wasn't what he was feeling tonight. Naruto left his apartment in a sorrowful mood, he felt quite that the music of the evening should reflect that. He didn't care if everyone booed him he didn't want to listen to 'come and get your love by redbone.' While Innan was dead and being buried.
"I'm going to change it." Naruto said over his shoulder to Sasuke.
"Woah, don't do that." Sasuke drank the remaining drink in his cup.
"Why not?" Naruto asked. "It's to happy." This was supposed to be a funeral of sorts.
"Dance with me dead last?" Sasuke held out a hand and his finger beckoned him closer.
"Hell no. We've never danced."
"Exactly!" Sasuke closed the distance between them and was dragging him onto the dance floor. "Not every funeral or whatever this is, has to be sad you know?"
"It does actually." Naruto replied trying to free himself from Sasuke's iron grip. "Funerals are sad."
"Come on." Sasuke urged. "You know you want to." Then he was rolling his hips against Naruto's.
A path was slowly opening for them on the floor and Sasuke squeezed them into it next to all of the other couples.
"I don't actually." Naruto corrected.
"Come on Naruto. You've never danced with me, when will you ever get this chance again? We can look back and remember this when we're old and ugly."
Naruto laughed out despite himself. Sasuke Uchiha would never be ugly, old or not.
"Fine i'll humor you."
Sasuke took his hand, and then Naruto put his other on Sasuke's shoulder. Which he was fine with. This way he wouldn't have to hear Sasuke's complaints about being the girl.
Naruto was stiff at first, but he finally relaxed as Sasuke kept a steady pace of grinding against his hip. It was nicer than he thought it would be. It was like sex, with all their clothes on.
Sasuke spun them around in circles and Naruto felt lightheaded and it was amazing. He was glad he wasn't sad in that moment. Sasuke had been right it didn't have to be sad.
Sasuke looked at Naruto's hand in his then he squeezed it tight. Naruto looked into his eyes, the same eyes that had entranced him and kept him enchanted for the better part of a decade.
"I love you." Sasuke finally said.
Naruto might have stopped breathing for a moment.
"You-" Naruto swallowed "love me?"
He couldn't believe he had finally said it, and of all the places it was while they were celebrating the life of a fallen Shinobi.
"It didn't mean nothing. It meant everything." Sasuke admitted and pulled Naruto snugly against him, he could feel the fan of his breath against his own mouth. "I love you Naruto. I always will."
"I love you. I always will." Naruto parroted back nearly choking. He was so desperately happy and in love he couldn't believe that after it all. After every horrible thing he endured in his life he finally got this.
He got to be happy with Sasuke. Forever.
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~After~
Naruto dropped down onto the windowsill using chakra to stick against it.
He hadn't been able to shake it all day. The feeling that Shikamaru knew about something in Kakashi's desk. Something he didn't want Naruto to see. Naruto figured it was porn or something of equal embarrassment.
Naruto pulled out the Kunai in his pocket. It had belonged to one of the family members that Sasuke had never even known. Naruto used the knife to jimmy the lock open and it popped. Then with all the practiced skill of the shinobi he was Naruto face planted right into the Hokage's office. He landed with a loud thud and his leg knocked the chair out so that it flew across the room with a skitter.
So maybe it wasn't the best idea to do this while shit faced... his one drink a day limit was a work in progress.
Naruto groaned as he tried to right himself on the floor. He laid back down for a minute and when 266 tiles were still accounted for he sat up. He rubbed his jaw and it was spiky from not having shaved that morning.
Naruto had waited hours after his busy work was completed to be able to sneak back in the building. He had hidden in a tree across the way and watched one by one as the building emptied. An hour ago Kakashi had been the last to leave but Naruto wanted to make sure so he had waited. The last thing he wanted was some wayward anbu to catch him in here. What would he even say? 'Oh hey, no worries i kind of work here but not really. But i did, and you probably recognize me, and yeah.' That would be insanely awkward.
Naruto pulled the chair back over to Kakashi's desk and partly he needed the chair to keep his own balance.
"No more four loko's." Naruto slurred out. Then when he got comfortanle in the chair he cracked his knuckles. "All right baby- let's see what it is" Naruto pulled open the first drawer. "your hiding."
He pilfered through each of the desk drawers dumping the contents onto the top so he could see it all. For his efforts the only compromising things he found were a knife disguised as a bullet casing and a raunchy letter with a lipstick marked kiss from some woman Kakashi apparently exchanged regular letters with. Interesting but not what he thought would warrant the reaction he got from Shikamaru earlier.
Naruto pulled open a bag of salt and vinegar chips Kakashi had stashed in one of the drawers. The crumbs fell onto the keyboard, and huh-
Naruto moved the mouse and the screen lit up and cast him in the glow of technology. The screen glimmered as it came to life. The background was team 7's first group photo. When they were kids. Naruto pouted looking back at their baby faces. "You guys would be so pissed, if you knew how it all turned out." He slurred as he started tapping away at the keyboard.
If he were Kakashi what would he make his password, Naruto wondered between mouthfuls of chips. He tried Pakkun. Then Rin, even Obito. Sakura. Sasuke. Then Naruto let himself get a little pig headed when he tried his own name. Access denied blared at him in big red letters. Fuck. Then what did Kakashi care about most? Oh. Naruto facepalmed. Of course. He typed in the name to Jiraiya's first novel and rolled his eyes when he was granted access to the computer.
"Fucking pervert."
Naruto started clicking away pulling open file after file. He threw up a silent prayer to Shino, the absolute God of tech. Naruto owed him alot for teaching him this stuff. Things marked Hokage's eyes only, and reports for Suna. None of it though was quite what Naruto was after. He pushed back from the desk and kicked at the modem which incidentally slipped the disc that had been hanging out of it back in. Whatever.
Naruto tilted his head back and began to count the tile again. He pulled another chip out.
Then the crackling of sound from the computer came, and a shiver crawled up his spine.
Naruto felt like he wasn't alone anymore. It was an eery way to feel and he sat back up to look at the screen right as he heard it.
"I was looking for you, you know."
The chip Naruto had between his lips fell out and broke apart on the floor, his mouth stayed open and agape.
It felt like a lightening bolt straight to his chest. To see that face, to hear that voice after all this time.
There he was, Sasuke. Naruto's heart leaped into his chest. Sasuke's face curled into a smirk on the computer screen and Naruto couldn't move.
Sasuke was standing in the room of the tower they'd been in right before he'd been killed. This was footage from the communicator Naruto left on the table.
Sakura had told him the footage hadn't been able to be recovered. What else had she lied about?
She also said it hadn't hurt when he died...
"All finished then?" Sasuke asked and Naruto saw himself come into the cameras range on his comm.
Suddenly Naruto was entirely sober.
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To be continued...