Hello everyone: here is a stuoid parody I write out of borem. Before you ask: yes my other fanfics are still be written. I have a few written chapters for things like Kindness of Strangers and such that I am looking to finalize. They will be ready when they are ready. Also I have a lot of things I have written.
In the meantime, enjoy this low effort, dumbass parody. Please recall when reading this this is all fun ; I am not crapping on any one specific. Also this is simply my opinion and using these cliches does not automatically make a story bad. Heck I am guilty of some of these tropes to a degree.
More on that at the very bottom.
Oh yeah and this is going to be VERY on the nose. It's supposed to be.
So have fun reading and I hope you enjoy
It was a normal day in… whatever country in Earth this person lived in. The sun was shining, the city was… a city. The city was just that really. It did not matter where or when because we would not be spending much time here anyways.
In this vague curt we meet on our hero, Gary.
You see, Gary was a totally average high school student. I the story did not explain his
Gary got off the bus one day and started walking around the corner to his house, a small mansion in a large neighborhood. Despite all the money he had, he had nothing because he felt lonely for plot reasons. People tried to get close to him but because he was the main character he had to be an out cast in life. It's just how stories
He opened his very expensive door and found no one was home.
"At least I gave a few paragraphs of exposition to establish my angst before the plot kicks in." He thought,
His angst was indeed was angst. He of course had very tragic circumstances for why he had angst.
See, his dad has dyed… his hair a long time ago and was thus promoted in his job. But he was not home very often due to plot convenience. His mom was sometimes around but was kind of bad. She would drink water and drive. When she got home she would beat Gary… at Smash broes. He then would throw a tantrum because he could not git gud.
"Wow I have a lot of angst." He thought
Maybe something isekai related would happen would liven his mood.
(Meanwhile in the dragon realms)
A cloaked figure was standing in a dark, ominous mountain. It was evil in case you did not notice. Anyways, he walked up an evil stair case and spoke to his master, the main villain of the story.
"Master, it is almost time. The evil plot is gonna happen." The cloaked figure said.
The big bad was starring out a window but did not look back as he spoke.
(Insert ominous phrase here)
The cloaked minion blinked. "Are you sure, master?"
"(Incoherent villain response")
The minion nodded and ran off.
The villain laughed villainously.
"(Insert vague yet threatening monologue here.")
The camera then pans up to his face. "Soon my evil plan will happen." He said in proper sentences this time. We see his glowing yellow eyes, hinting at his true identity as the story shifts again.
(Back on earth )
Gary S Tu was angsting in the bathroom when an mysterious advisor figure, the Chronicler, appears in his mind.
"Dear OC person guy, you need to go on an adventure. For some reason literally no one in my world can save it not even Spyro and Cynder for some reason.
Gary gasped. "Huh? Ok sure, why not. Isakai's can be fun."
He was then Isakaied to the (insert world name here) but dumped in the woods for some reason. He looked around at the weird new world but got used to it rather fast.
"How convient I have no loved ones to make me miss my old world too much." He thought.
He looked around at his clothes and noted they were now clothes from medieval times.
"Huh. Weird." He muttered, in interfered.
Suddenly an explosion exploded nearby, leaving no time for him to develop as charecter. He gasped as he recognized the figures standing ominously inside the explosion, covered in blast marks.
"Gasp! The Grublins! I know them! How could they be around- oh wait it's an isakai." He muttered.
The evil minions laughed. "Well, we'll, well… what have we her-"
But he was cut off as Gary (Oak) Tu used his amazing martial arts skills to beat him up! With a single punch, he disarmed the undescribed enemy and knocked them out.
The other minions attacked too But they too got beaten up because a random teenager is actually a the worlds greatest fighter I guess. Or at the very least combat expert.
"Wow it's a good thing I have martial arts and military training before even being old enough to enlist." He said to himself, standing atop the unconscious bodies of the totally evil guys.
Another explosion explodes nearby, revealing more evil minions. The protagonists gasps, he is outnumbered.
"Man I sure hope some newfound powers or something conveniently activate to save me soon." He thought, as the plot happened.
However, before the nondescript minions can do anything, they exploded again.
Gary gasped. Suddenly two heroes jump over the explosion. Gary gasps.
"It's Spyro and Cynder! I can't believe it." Gary thought.
Then suddenly the author of this stupid parody ran out of jokes for this part of the story and decided more minions attacked the main character, and the other two. For some reason
(Insert fight scene here)
Gary fought with the might of ten protagonists but Gary failed to notice two of the minions jumping at him from behind.
"Gary watch out!" One of the main protagonists gasped.
Gary panicked and had about two sentences worth of angst to get through before he gets saved. (Insert angst here)
Something something outcast:
But before the minion could hurt him, a deus ex machina happened and Gary manifested super special awesome powers!
"Woah, that sure is convenient!" Gary thought, ackorlegonh the bad writing and therefore making it ok.
He obliterated all the evil minions in the area with his new vaguely defined main charecters. Feeling no remorse or trauma for killing living beings for the first at a young age, Gary looked at the bodies of his enemies.
"Well looks like… those guys died." Gary joked, feeling no remorse for killing others.
The other two main heroes from whatever franchise looked over at the protagonists.
"You're pretty good." Spyro said.
"Yeah. And dreamy." Cynder added.
Spyro became pissed off because he is supposed to be Cynder's love interest, not this human. He would not allow this! Nor would the comments section if this fandoms history is anything to go off.
Gary S. Tu however, shook his head. "No, let's not start a love triangle. I don't want to piss off the shippers." He said.
(Note it is 100% fine to ship them; I this joke is directed at the morons who harass you for not doing so.)
Not Spyro glared in anger. "Too late, I already hate you. I have to be demonized so that you look better. It's one of the laws of fanfics or something " He reasoned.
Gary shook his head. "Stop stereotyping every fanfic writer. Not all of them vilify characters to make OCs look better."
Not Spyro then snapped back to his actual canon characterization. "You are right . Look, let's just go to the important place from the game to learn the plot of this story." He said
The three then immediately teamed up and decided to go to the primary location from the games. Gary felt no hesitation in doing so since he had literally no where else to go. Also he got used being in a strange new world or something.
As the audience got irritated with the on-the-nose writing style of this parody, they too began contemplating.
(Insert travel montage here)
And so they traveled to the Warfang, by foot. They walked past alot of world building and potentially interesting plot points in their way over towards. But those were not worth telling.
Anyways they got wandered into the city, past the descriptions of what it looks like and into the a big, unexplained temple where, met the important mentor people in the important plot building room.
After a brief introduction scene, they start presenting exposition about this vague new evil in order to advance the plot.
The three guardians, Terrador, Volteer, and Cyril preceded the main characters. Even though it had been a couple years since the end of the war they had not yet elected a new fire guardian for some reason.
"Greetings main characters. We have bad news." Cyril said in his pompous, arrogant tone he always had.
Terrador's then spoke.
"Spyro, though you may have defeated the dark army and Malefor a few years ago, we sense a new, even greater evil threat. It threatens the world. In, fact it maybe even stronger than Malefor. "
Gary sensed a plot hole.
"Wait didn't Malefor have infinite power nearly? Seems like introducing something stronger than him kind of cheapens his role as villain." The protagonist spoke.
The guardians looked at him. "Yes but we need to have a plot somehow."
"But doesn't introducing a new world ending threat barely a few years after the end of a decades long war make the plot of the games feel like a pointless waste of time. I mean if an even greater evil just shows up almost immediately afterward, it makes all the previous struggles amount to little." Gary pointed out.
The guardians looked at him. "Shut up, that's why. People do tgst all the time in sequels, how else are we supposed to escalate the plot? Make the new villain weaker?"
Gary shrugged.
"Anyways, we also have a vague prophecy we got while high or something. " Terrador spoke, clearing his voice. "It is written: only Link- I mean Gary can defeat… Ganon or something. Oh and maybe he will help unlock the true power of the purple dragon or something."
Spyro and Cynder gasoed; but Gary looked excited. "Wow this makes me feel special. It sure is great that I could leave the old life and be iskakeied to a new world where I very specifically am a hero or something."
He said, lampshading the isakei genre.
"You three will have to set out tomorrow. And yes we are sending some random kid we just met to go fight a deadly threat." Volteer stated.
Gary gasped. "Wait, aren't we each only teenagers?"
Cyril rolled his eyes. "Yes. Instead of us, the most powerful masters of the elements, going to fight this villain or even sending adult soldiers, we are sending three children to do the work for us while we sit here or something." Cyril added.
Spyro finally spoke. "You sent me to war when I was twelve. Can an adult please step up to the challenge for once instead of leaving it up to a bunch of kids to fight a war for them?"
Cyril shook his head.
"No it has to be this way. We are very heroic, I assure you." He said. "Child soldiers are very ethical. So ethical in fact we decided to throw this five year old hatchling into the conflict with you." He said.
Suddenly, a very original, new character stepped out from the corner of the room and into view.
He was super young, and very tiny. In Fact he seemed to be covered in paint. Purple paint to be exact. He stood up and jumped for joy.
"Hiya! The elders said I am the next pwurple dwagon!"
The kid chirped, too young to pronounce certain words properly.
Spyro, Cynder, and Gary just stared up at the kid in disbelief. The guardians noted this.
"Well, Searx show them what you can do. "Cyril urged, catching an eye roll.
"I can bweath fire." Sear said, breathing a very tiny ember into the floor.
"I can wield air!" He called, flapping his wings to create a soft breeze. One that hit Spyro and Cynder.
"I can do electri-electric- electricity? "He stuttered on the word. He walked over to the side of the wall and turned off and on the lights.
Spyro groaned as the lights flickered.
"I can do earth!" He called, kicking a rock off the podium he and the guardians were standing on. The rock hit Gary in the face, ellicting a growl of pain and giving him yet another excuse for angst.
"And I can even breath water!" he called. Sear flew off the podium and into a nearby fountain. He started splashing around happily, seeking to forget his act. Unknown to him, the purple paint on his head started waging off, revealing his red scales underneath.
"Cyril the paint wasn't dry yet." Terrador whispered
The three protagonists just stated in amazement. They looked up at the guardians.
"Damn it, really? This kindergartener is who you are sending to fight with us?" Gary pressed.
The guardians nodded collectively nodded. "Yeah so?"
"You are sending a five year old into a deadly battle! You three are horrible monsters, you know that!?." Gary said, as Sear's paint dried off.
"Not if you just don't think to much about it. . I am sure the implications of children being sent into dangerous quest are very, erm… they are totally not questionable. " Cyril insisted.
"How is a five year old supposed to wield the elements better than a trained adult anyways ? That's stupid." Spyro pointed out.
"Because plot." Terrador shot back.
Before they could argue more about the ethics childs , a fire dragoness burst into the room behind the three main characters. She took one look at her son, covered in half dry purple paint, and looked up at the guardians.
"You painted my baby and were gonna send him on a deadly quest?! While you just sit on your asses and do nothing!?" She growled.
Cyril looked at her calmly. "As I said, it is very ethical-"
"You bastards! Wait until the council gets wind of this!"
The fire dragoness, Ignita, spat.
Terrador looked nervous. "Wait please don't tell them! We are already being tried for using child soldiers… and maybe a few related War crimes. Please have mercy!" He begged.
Ignita started going off on them like an overbearing customer on a manager.
Cynder finally had enough.
"Fine, the adults are worthless in this. I guess we will just solve whatever problem this is ourselves or something." The black dragoness muttered, rolling her eyes.
She, Spyro, and Gary left the room, content to let the guardians be tried for war crimes and child endangerment.
A bit later, within their quarters, the two dragons and human were rest on their beds. Spyro and Cynder laid curled next to each other while Gary slept in the corner of his bed. He was currently on his phone, because of course it still worked. And had service. And WiFi. And he found he could charge it with his electricity powers he totally has.
Cynder sighed, anxious about the mission tomorrow. "Sometimes it seems like fighting never ends." She lamented.
Spyro nuzzled her affectionately. "Perhaps. But we have to stop this… threat? Whatever it is. I won't back down but I don't want to drag you into this." He said.
Cynder shook her head. "You know I won't let you do it alone." She responded.
She then looked at the human. Perhaps they should get to know him?
"Hey Gary-" she began before she was interrupted by his moaning.
"Aaaarrrggghhhhh!" Gary moaned.
Spyro raise a brow. "What the fuck was that?"
"I'm thinking about my past. Argh!" He cried again, clutching his head. "That was a particularly harrowing memory." Gary added.
Cynder rolled her eyes. "So much for using this scene for charecter development."
And then they slept…
Or did they?
"Huh, what?" Gary muttered, confused by the fact the scene had shifted. He was trapped within a library of some sort, in a nice marvel room , the most obvious of dream realms.
"Fool! Did you think you could just sleep and get to the adventure without an 'important' dream sequence?" The chronicler's voice rang out in his ears.
Gary turned around to see a large blue dragon in a cloak approaching him from a door way.
"Gary there is no time. I must relay a very important prophecy: it is written that only Link- I mean you, Gary, can defeat Ganon- I mean what ever the villain in this story is called." He said.
Gary scratched is head. "I'm sorry, what?"
The chronicler shook his head. "Nevermind. But you most become a dragon."
Gary was confused. Why did he have to be a dragon? What's the point of sending a human to a foreign universe if they are just gonna turn into another creature anyways? Surely it can nake being transfers there redundant? Why not just use a native creature as the protagonist?
The chronicler shook his head. "Never mind all that. It's simply because yuu most be more powerful or something… I don't know." Ignitus said.
Gary blinked. "What is the point of pulling a person from another world if you are going to change their species? Can't you just use a dragon already living in the realms?" He inquired.
"Wish fulfillment, okay. Now shut up and tell me what color dragon do you want to be?" He asked.
Gary thoight. "Uh… maybe a White Dragon? I am sure I would have some great chronicles in the future." He stated.
"Maybe." He replied. "Those Chronicles we're pretty good."
Gary smiled. "Maybe I can even shift between human and dragon form?"
The chronicler shook his head. "But then you would have to have the ability to transform between dragon an human. Just pick one or the other; what's the point of shape shifting if you only have two forms?" He asked.
Gary sighed. "Ok a platinum dragon-"
"Nope. That's too over done."
"Black dragon?" Gary asked
"No. Too common." Said Ignitus.
"Purple dragon?"
"Too cliche. Also those are only born once every ten generations, not every other time stiry. No When will you ever get that?" Ignitus sneered.
"Blood dragon?
"No. What kind of element is blood?"
Gary grew tired of this. "Fine. Red. That work?"
Ignitus nodded. He began humming something odd. Suddenly, Gary felt his body being lifted. He began floating into the air, feeling mystic magic and arcane energies coursing through his veins.
"It is beginning." Ignitus said. He kept chanting whatever ritual this was. Blue magic starting manifesting within the room around Gary. He felt a pull, a spark. An magical energy he had not thought before. He felt his form changing. His hands replaced with legs(?) , wings on his back, his head becoming a muzzle. Through this transformation he felt more and more powerful! Like he was becoming something more.
"Amazing! I feel strong! I feel powerful!" Gary thought. "This power…. I can do so much! I can-"
But then his train of thought came to an end when he was abruptly dumped on the floor, landing on his face.
"Congrats, you're a dragon now. Don't let it go to your head." Ignitus said.
Gary, despite being in a dream, felt a pain on his face. "How is that even possible?" Gary wondered.
"Magic i guess. Who knows." Ignitus added. "Oh and by the way, just so no one questions it: I took the liberty of programming knowledge of how to walk and used your new body into your head. Because magic. Now no one can question or criticize how you can use lnow how to use your new body so quickly." The blue dragon said. "Also o added plot relevant info to your mind too."
He turned away. "Now leave. I have no more purpose in this story." Ignitus added.
Abruptly Gary was kicked out of the White aisle, and found himself awake again in his room.
Back in the real world
Gary woke up and looked around the room, then at himself. He was now a red dragon red scales, orange under belly, white horns curved upward and red eyes. He was just guessing but maybe he breathed fire now?
Who knows. It's not like he would know anything about elemental magic.
Too tired to bother developing his character and actually dwelling on the potential existential crisis of having your species altered, he curled up and went back to bed.
Sure, gaining a new body and getting used to it could make for a potentially interesting character arc but he was too sleepy to do anything with this. It was lne in the morning for crying out loud. Maybe he would have character growth tomorrow; if he really felt like.
(The next day)
After some emotional goodbye scenes and some very good set up that definitely happened and was not glossed over, the trio decided to set out. Screw taking a few chapters to maybe establish characters and the world, they have an adventure to go on!
"Crazy to think you're a dragon now." Spyro noted to Gary as they walked out of the temple.
The red dragon nodded. "Yeah. I might have expected you to be a bit more shocked."
Spyro shrugged. "Eh. Let's just pretend we learned off screen. I mean, it barely even matters what form you take anyways. You still have all your crazy powers right?" He pointed out.
Cynder, meanwhile, ignoring the two other protagonists talking about plot points, was busy thinking about something unrelated. Too socially awkward to bother trying any remotely natural way of talking, she brought up the first bit of exposition that came to her mind.
"Man I can't believe the guardians are being tried for child endangerment as we speak. I wonder if that will ever come up in the story again?" Spyro pondered as the walked out towards the gate.
As they walker through Warfang, they passed by a certain two dragons of their age: Flame and Ember.
Cynder couid not help but worry at the sight of them. Fof all she knew Ember might go psycho and try ti kill her so that she could be with Spyro. This dragoness was always for crushing after Spyro after all.
The thoughts of paranoia started getting to Cynder.
"Is she plotting to kill me to get Spyro? Is she going to try to steal Spyro from me? Could I be walking into a trap?" She wonders.
Ember merely smiled at her look timely and waved goodbye. "Have a safe adventure, friends." She said.
Cynder nearly did a double take. She though Ekber was psycho… what is this? A civil conversatio!? How is that even possible from her.
Ember seemed to note Cynder's bewildered expressions .
"Oh, are you okay Cynder?" She inquired.
Now se is concerned for her well being!?
This broke Cynder.
"Does… not… compute. Not…. Possible" Cynder thought as her kind broke.
While Cynder experienced agnst, Spyro simply told Ember and Flame that Cynder would be okay.
They then walked away from the story and were never mentioned again. Who knows, maybe they could have had interesting stories if they were more relevant but alas; they were not.
Anyways, the trio kept waking to the gates:
The guards working the gate did not question why a group of minors were leaving the walls of the city despite the danger. No one questioned this because of plot convenience.
"Alright then. Where are we even going? We don't even have any concrete details of what to do or who to fight." Cynder pointed out.
Gary shook his head. "We don't need to. You see, the old guy in my dream last night programmed a GPS map into my brain that will lead us wherever the plot demands it." He stated, to the delight of the others.
Spyro smiled. "And I take it you have a few filler arcs plugged in to your map?" He inquired.
Gary smirked. "Yep. Got a few. Maybe one that explains why Sparkx is not in this study. Perhaps another subplot that explains the state it the world after you beat Malefor?"
The purple dragon thought for a moment. "Well, that could be fun but… why don't we just go straight to the villain instead? "
Everyone nodded in agreement.
"Just a moment; I got input my destination." Gary stated. He waited a few moments as his mind cycled like a map app on an IPhone.
Finally, he had the location of the villain's lair.
"Got it. It's past the Well of Souls. Maybe it is the Well of Souls. Who knows." He stated. He personally was just happy Ignitus programmed this info onto his brain when turned him into a dragon.
Without another word, the three dragons took flight. Gary also had the knowledge of how to fly programmed into his mind too, so it totally makes sense he could fly.
And did the dragons started their quest. Wether it be 10k words or 100k words, i am sure the length was the appropriate amount of words needed to tell the tale.
One epic journey later
And now the heroes were standing in front of the evil lair of the villain; wherever that was. The trio's quest has been rather eventful. So eventful infact, the author will now describe what happens instead of showing you.
The heroes could not help but fatigued over the vast amount of world building they had flown over on their way here. Countless descriptions of landscapes and what the various species and groups of the world were up to after the war had been circumvented. To say nothing of the side quests they had avoided.
Dodging all this information had been exhausting. They had to fly an extra three hundred feet over the landmarks to avoid seeing, and thus having
to explain them. Then, when the approached the territory of Surviving apes, they had to fly several whole miles around it! Can anyone imagine how interesting it might have been to have to get captured by them and make peace with their former enemy? Why landing there might have taken up an entire arc of the story ! It could have been awhile extra 15k- 30k words before they got back to flying! Who cares about reading that?
After avoiding that plot line, they had to take yet another detour around Spyro's home swamp which for some reason was on their path. Having avoided addressing what became of Sparkx and Spyro's adoptive parents as well the potential character development this would have provided, they finally arrived in the cave of Protagonist Powers, which housed a story arc's worth of challenges for our heroes…
But luckily the challenges were overcome with ease because these are the protagonists. What were they supposed to do, fail and give up? They are the main characters, they have to succeed for the sake of plot.
Anyways, Having unlocked both "The True Power of the Purple Dragon" or whatever, Spyro was now even stronger than before. As for Cynder she… did something important during this plotline I guess and Gary got a Muguffin or something that would help him later. The author can not be bothered to explain it, so just roll with it
"Wow, that sure was an intense journey. " Spyro mused, as they walked up the evil black staircase to the fortress, which was completely black. Literally the whole thing was jet black, even the toilets. What better description do you need?
"Yeah. I am just glad you got your true power(trade mark) Spyro." Gary stated. He pawed this Maguffin gem on his neck. It's red by the way.
"I just wish that I had gotten something better than this Chekov's Gun. I wonder how I use it…" he muttered.
Cynder meanwhile sighed. " I am sure it will make sense soon, Gary." She said, nuzzling him slightly in a platonic, non romantic gesture of friendship.
This elicited a pissed off reaction from a certain segment of shippers in the fandom.
Ignoring this, the protagonist continued to climb the stair case… of evil.
And so they did that., four another five hours.
By the time they reached the top, the three dragons were out of breath.
"Why… didn't we… *huff*.. just… fly" Cynder said through labored breathes.
"Because there are no windows fir some reason." Gary stated, catching his breath.
With the comedic moment out of the way, it was time to get serious.
The three dragons looked at the end of the hall way, which was also an evil shade of black, and saw a large back door with a skull on it. The door was metal, covered in elemental symbols on it for some reason.
"Well… this is it." Spyro stated. "The end of the quest."
Gary shifted nervously. "I'm nervous. There is no telling what could happen here." He added.
Cynder looked up with unease. "I'm scared… it reminds me too much of Malefor."
Spyro nuzzled her affectionately. "We'll be fine as long as we stay together." She stated.
The three friends then preceded to open the door… very slowly. By pushing it open manually.
The three dragons grunted in exertion at the amount of effort of took to open this thing. It must have weighed a few tons. And mind you, reader, but teen dragons in this universe are like three feet tall.
After several minutes of pushing the door was finally open, revealing the menace waiting patiently behind it
"Bawahahaha, welcome, heroes, to my evil lair." The villain greeted. He was a very evil looking dragon with black scales red eyes, red horns, and red wing membranes. He was a very original character as well, don't forget that.
"I have been expecting you- wait what?" the villain stuttered, puzzled. He got a better look at the exhausted teenager dragons on the floor, catching their breaths.
"They sent children to fight me? What kind of dumb ass logic is that? Do they not have adult soldiers or something to send after me ? Who endangers kids like this? That's just messed up." He said, with disdain.
After a few more minutes of catching his breath, Spyro spoke.
"Look, the guardians are on trial for child endangerment, sure and may not be as good as we think, but we still came to stop you." He stated.
Cynder huffed. "Yeah. We will… stop… your, umm… what was your evil plan exactly?" She inquired..
The villain snickered. "Why, to resurrect an acient evil.. no wait- to bring back Malefor… un, wait no that's not right…." He put a paw to his muzzle as if to think.
"Uhhhhhh…. I don't know cover the world in darkness or something. " he said, shrugging as best he could.
"Anyway, let's get to the point." He suggested shifting subjects.
"My name is Darkness Menace the Blood Dragon. I'm, as you guessed, evil." He stared.
"Now forget having screen time or direct interactions prior to this moment; let's fight!" He stated.
The three teen dragons got ready for battle.
Suddenly Darkness laughed. "You cannot defeat me." He said.
So they fought in a very epic batle that was so epic the uathor could not describe it in word.s
So he barely tried to.
Evil Darkness guy shot like a million evil breathes or something.
Spyro probably did something cool and breathed like all the elements at the evil guy.
Gary did… something I guess. Meanwhile, Cynder maybe used shadow or spat poison or did something cool in a way that makes her look tough and competent that hopefully offset her being the only hero to become injured in this fight.
And then Darkness slapped Cynder on the face.
"Ow. That mildly hurt." Cynder grolwed.
This mild painful raetion incited spyro to become livid like nothing before. He started seething in rage until a dark engery transformed him into DARK SPYRO.
(DUN DUN DUN)
"I WILL HAVE my revenge for that!" He shouted, charging at the villain.
Gary, however, stepped in his way.
No, Spyro! Revenge is always bad! We have to kill the villain for a more ethical reason!" Gary said as he charged uo a surprisingly devastating attack to 'subdue' Spyro.
Spyro fought back, viciously attacking his friend.
"Why are you attacking me? The enemy is right there! This super powereded evil side is perfect for defeating him." He said
Gary shook his head and blasted Dark Spyro again. "No REVENGE IS BAD. I can't let you do that! " he said, readying his magic attacks.
And so the two fought each other to the death. A flash of claws and elements followed. There was a lot of blood too. Gallons of it. In fact, there was so much blood it made Mortal Kombat seem tame by comparison.
Ignoring the fact he has a golden opportunity to just kill the heroes while they were distracted, Darkness grabbed a chair and some popcorn from his evil popcorn machine nearby. Cynder, meanwhile just rolled er eyes and face palmed but did nothing to intervene. This plot point needed to be resolved. Talking them out of it would be boring.
Meanwhile Spyro and Gary fought some more. Screw just talking things out to resolve their tension, we need an epic fight scene.
As they fought, Dark Spyro grew even angrier.
"The entire point of coming here was to kill this guy to save the world! Why fight me?" He pressed.
Gary growied. "As I said, revenge is evil. You will turn evil if you kill villain for this reason."
"Enough! I will be fine after I kill him! It's not like I have any reason to become a full-on villain!" He said." I just want to protect Cynder! I'm not crazy or anything." He stated.
Gary blasted him into a wall with his super powerful protagonist fire attack, causing Dark Spyro to scream in pain.
His darkness was now gone, having been beaten out of him. Ignoring hi various broken bones, he collapses to the floor in pain.
Gary walked over to the badly injured dragon.
"That will test you why revenge is bad." He said, kicking Spyro again to be sure his 'friend' was getting the message.
Spyro coughed up blood but then nodded. "You are right. Getting a reasonable amount of revenge on an evil guy for hurting your or killing your loved ones is morally wrong! I was a fool for thinking otherwise." He said.
Gary, content he got the moral across, gave the beaten purple dragon his super special awesome force healing- uh, protagonist healing abilities he got in that cave from earlier.
"Wow, thanks for healing my severe wounds, Gary." Spyro said, as his ENTIRE BODY healed in seconds from the severe thrashing Gary gave him.
"No problem." Gary said. "Sorry about beating you up ." He said.
Spyro shook it off. "Oh it's fine. People nearly kill each other all the time in shows and movies anyways. Also sorry for getting mad at you at the start of the story." He stated.
Gary nodded. The two had now strengthen their friendship despite the fact their rivalry was an informed attribute at best; only being brought up at the start.
Now, with that character arcs resolved, they turned to face the villain. All while Cynder rolled her eyes in the background.
"Couldn't they just have talked of used the dark fotm to fight this evil guy?" She muttered.
As she walked up to join her friends, she realize something.
"Hey way a minute… how do we know this guy is really evil? I mean it's not like we saw him do smug thing on screen." She pointed out.
Darkness merely laughed… evilly.
"Oh trust me I am evil. You see, I've burned orphanages and towns for years. I aided in the ape's genocide of dragons for some reason. Also I want to skin like 99 puppies and/or hatchlings to make either a coat of fur or scale armor." He snickered.
The protagonists gasped at the evilness of this villain.
"Oh but that's not all…" he said, laughing maniacally. "I also made a webcomic that ships child Cynder with Malefor…" he said, bursting into evil laughter.
Cynder was disgusted. She made a grossed out face while Spyro and Gary tried not to vomit.
"You sick bastard." Gary shouted.
Darkness laughed menacingly.
"Well then: shall we dance?" He asked, mockingly.
The heroes all looked at each other and nodded in unison. Now that they knew they had the morale high ground, they could ritually murder this guy.
And so the dragons kept into battle!
(One climatic battle later)
The heroes, surprisingly got defeated. Go figure, for all their powers , the villain is more experienced.
Darkness stood over the defeated heroes, laughing evilly.
"Ha ha. You call that a challenge? More like… not a challenge." He said.
"Now ti start my plan… wait how do I even staet my plan? " he wondered.
While the villain contemplated his plan, Gary slumped to the ground, weakened and defeated. He looked to his side to see his friends, beaten and bloody. They had failed. Warfang wouid fall, and their worlds would be… covered in darkness or something.
"I can't believe I failed." He thought to himself. "I really suck." He berated himself.
How we, his important gem necklace from earlier started glowing. This somehow have him an ephonay.
"Wait… my angst about losing to my mother in Smash Broes… the various story arcs we skipped… that Protongir powers cave… how could I not see it before?" Gary wondered.
The angst he had not thought since the start of the story , the hourney they took here… those were not just angst and filler. No. In fact it all became clear to him. He had learned something from this after all… he just did not realize it until now!
Angst fuels Deus Ex Machinas!
Gary then stood back up, healing from his injuries I suppose. His magiffin gem necklace started glowing.
"Hey Darkness!" He shouted, causing the evil dragon to turn around to face him.
"You may have defeated us but you forgot one thing…"
Darkness laughed. "Oh really? And what is that?"
Gary smiled. "I'm the protagonist!"
And then Gary was enveloped in a red light, completely blanketing his body. Fueled by the super 'relevant character arcs that happens earlier and the angst that he experienced, he transformed.
He was no longer Gary T. Su. No, now he was simply a Gary Stu.
Gary emerged from the red light, super buff and with glowing yellow-blond hair.
Darkness, Spyro, and Cynder stated, dumbfounded.
Having run out if witty dialogue, Gary simply blasted Darkness out a nearby window with his protagonist powers; . Screw training or defeating a villain on his own merits through a plausible method; his super special awesome crystal fonvientoy gave him enough power to do it in an instant.
However, the last did not kill the evil dragon, it merely fforved him to land on his evil minions, who were standing on comically large stair case. Comventky killing his cloaked evil minions from earlier and resolving that loose end, the villain then started falling down the stair case.
"Ow. Oof. Ouchie." He said as he bounced from step to step.
Step after step, the villain bounced and fell down the stairs. . Seemingly endlessly he rag dolled his way down the dragon- sized staircase. Hitting each step with a resounding thud, he hit and broke every bone in his body. Or at least his wings.
(Several minutes of falling down the stairs later)
Finally, now at the bottom of the case he landed on a very conveniently placed spike at the bottom of the steps; which he was impaled on.
"Ow…" he growled mildly.
He somehow got off the spike but was delirious from all the blood he just lost plus the steps had fallen down. He kept stumbling around until he finally fell into the nearby deep casein ( it's on a mountain top, ok)
"Cursesssssss!" He called as he fell into the dark abyss. His voice echoed throughout the casual ad he fell deeper and deeper, before trailing oof.
The heroes, meanwhile, had flown over to the ledge to look down.
"Think he's dead?" Spyro asked.
Cynder schoffed. "He fell down the stairs, broke all his bones, got imposed and fell down a deep hole." She pointed.
Spyro shook his head. "Villains survive worse all the time. Maybe this is not the last we see of him? What if he comes back because he is too angry to die?" Ge asked.
Gary, now back in his normal form, rolled hos eyes. "At yes the whole: "because we never saw the body, that guarantees somebody can return" trope. My favorite." He said sarcastically.
He sighed and flew down the hole to confirm the villains death.
After a moment or two of flying down, he found Dark was body imposed on sone sharp rocks. Content that his dead body was now onscreen and that no one could make dumb fan theories about his return, Gary flew back up.
"He dead. Let's go home." He said.
And so the protagonists flew home.
What did you want a more satisfying conclusion to this story?
Fine, here's an epilogue:
Epilogue
After flying back to Warfang and avoiding even more world building, the three heroes had made ot back to Warfang. The journey home was not important to describe at all. Seriously, when has a heroes return trip home ever been important or described in detail? The plots over, let's just wrap it up.
And so they entered the temple, and walked down the halls to check on the guardians trial.
Peaking through the doors, they caught wind of Cyril's voice appeently responding to a statement.
"What do you mean we are getting a few years in prison for kidnapping and child endangerment? We didn't even send the kid into battle yet."
"Yet!?" Ignita's voice called, livid.
She then started to yell at the very 'heroic' guardians about the ethics of, as they said in their defense, "using child protagonists for war."
Closing the door and resolving that plot thread, the three heroes walked back to their bed room.
"What an adventure." Spyro said.
Cynder nuzzled him. "Yeah. You were brave though."
She added. The two then nuzzled each other and showed affection.
Gary meanwhile sighed. He was just happy that the story was resolved-
"Foooooolllllll! Did you think you could just end the story there." A mysterious voice said.
The three heroes gasoed and turned around.
A pitch black dragon appeared behind them hallway. Why was in this building, who knows,
"You see I am the villain behind the previous villain. And I have an evil plan that I am going to enact." He told them.
"What's your evil plan?" Gary challenged.
"Something about darkness or taking over the world. I don't know, we just need a sequel hook." He stated .
Then he just walked away. Seriously, that's it.
Gary gasoed. "Oh no, we have to stop him!" He said.
Spyro and Cynder looked at him and nodded in unison." Agreed. But how?"
Gary stood bravely forward. "By writing a sequel of a very necessary long length. 100k to 200k words should suffice." He stared.
Spyro shook his head. "Screw it. 300k to 400k. We need to make the sequels as long as possible!" He stated. "We totally won't drag things out needlessly. Nor will the author get bored and abandon it abruptly before it's done!" He added.
"Hey, don't give them crap for that! Life happens and you are getting these stories for free! It's a lot of work to maintain a story you know. And it's not like fanfic authors get paid!" Cynder pointed out.
Gary agreed. "You are right. It's in ooor taste to crap on authors for that." He added.
He then yawners. "Look, being a protagonist is tiring though. Let's just go to bed." He said.
And so they went back to their bed room and went to sleep, content this story was over.
Before they did, Spyro could not help but ask Gary one more question.
"Hey Gary: what about returning home to your family.?" He pressed.
Gary yawned. "Meh. I forgot about them. Being a dragon is way cooler than returning to my old life." He said, addressing that plot thread for good. He then yawned and fell asleep:
And they the story ended.
The end
What? I ran out of material for this dumbass parody. I say though I had a lot of fun writing it.
Now just a disclaimer: using these tropes I made fun of is not inherently bad always. They have been used well before and can work, it's just depends on the story.
Heck, many of the best fics on here make use of these cliches and are female amazing. Even cliches can be used effectively but do try to avoid them where you can in your writing.
Also, remember this is only my opinion. Using these tropes or cliches I made fun of does not instantly make your story bad. Nor is my opinion the end all be all. If you like these tropes; that's a okay. Write what you want. Just remember to have fun is the most important thing.
And please don't flame me to hard in the reviews. This story is not a personal attack on anyone.