Chapter Thirty Two
Belinda looked at a dejected Tim "What's important now is where you go from here, isn't it?"
"How can I trust myself? How can I be sure I won't make the same mistakes again?" Tim's voice was muffled inside his hands that covered his face.
"There are still people you can trust." Belinda encouraged him "There's us. Your father, and I think this Isobel. There must be more. You just need to share things with people and listen if they caution you about something, because you know they want the best for you. That's what family does."
"Family." Tim shook his head "This is what family has done to me."
"No, this is what Larry has done to you. Leave him behind." Belinda implored. "What kind of life do you think you want? Wife? Family? Career?"
Tim sighed "My Boss had a chat with me on Tuesday about where my next job should be. Turns out I'm not as good as I thought I was. I did some of the research he talked about and realised that the posting choices I've made have probably limited my career. I think I have an idea of where I should go next, but I need to talk to him on Monday."
"You'll stay in the Foreign Office then?" Jeremy asked.
"I think so. I can't think of anything else I would do instead now. Besides, Father reminded me that I used to be fascinated with maps and cultures when I was younger." Tim ran his hand through his hair and shrugged "Maybe I can find that again."
"Well, that's something to start with" Belinda said brightly "Now, how about trying to fix things with your father?"
Tim groaned "I don't know that I can."
"Tosh!" Jeremy interjected "He wouldn't have helped you last week if he didn't care. You just have to find a way to prove that you understand you've upset him and apologise accordingly. You do understand, do you?"
Tim nodded slowly "I think so."
"You think so!" Jeremy was shocked "You think so?!" he nearly shouted, leaning forward in his seat.
Belinda laid a hand on his arm "Easy"
"I don't understand why he still cares. How can he?" Tim said in a small voice. "How can I possibly ask him for another chance? Maybe it would be better if I just go on by myself. I can't cause any further trouble for him then."
Jeremy sat back, stunned.
"I can see how you might think that" Belinda said gently "But a parent who loves their child never gives up on them. I do think you need to apologise to your father and it may take time to build a relationship with him, but it will be worth the effort."
Tim looked hopeful for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't know. I'll have to think about it."
"Do, but don't leave it too long" Belinda warned "The longer it goes on as it is, the harder it will be to bridge the gap."
Tim just nodded, then let out a heavy sigh. "Thank you. Both of you. I really appreciate you listening to me. I'm sorry for ruining your evening."
"Not at all" Belinda smiled.
"Speak for yourself!" Jeremy muttered "I was looking forward to a quiet night in front of the fire myself" He gave Tim a wink and a broad grin.
Tim laughed "So, come on then, let's talk about something less boring. How did you meet? What have I missed?"
The rest of the evening was spent sharing stories, catching up, laughter and reminiscing. Tim began to feel that maybe there were some good people in his life after all and the future could be good.
-TW- -TW- -TW-
Tim stood behind the oak tree on the green, watching Crawley House. He glanced at his watch. If his father was following his patterns from when he stayed last week he would probably be heading out to the Abbey soon. He took another peek around the tree: was this really a good idea? He exhaled noisily. He was here now. Just then, he heard a front door close and concentrated on the job at hand. Another quick peek, and there was his father setting out for the Abbey. He made sure to keep out of sight, then approached the house. Screwing up his courage, he knocked on the door.
Surprise was etched all over Stokes face as he opened the door to almost the last person he expected to see "Good Morning Sir. I'm afraid your father has just gone out."
"I know Stokes. It was Lady Merton I was hoping to see." Tim announced.
Stokes glanced over his shoulder "I'm not sure she is at home Sir. Could you wait here please." He closed the door.
Tim stared at it for a moment. He hadn't expected to be left outside, but did he deserve anything more? He shook his head to himself, and turned to look at the garden as he waited. He was here to make amends, not to demand anything he wasn't entitled to. After a few minutes, the door opened again.
"I'm sorry Stokes left you on the doorstep. Your sister-in-law did it to me once so I know how awful it is. Will you come in?" Isobel was business like.
"Thank you." Tim removed his hat and entered the hallway. Isobel stood facing him. He noticed the kitchen door was open: most likely Stokes was waiting to pounce if he felt Tim had misbehaved.
"I believe Stokes told you that your father has gone out, so why are you here?" Isobel enquired coldly.
Tim turned his hat in his hands nervously. "I came to apologise for my behaviour. Last weekend in particular, but all of it really. Staying here last week was… it's hard to describe. I felt at home for the first time ever. Then dinner at the Abbey was friendly and enjoyable and…." Tim shrugged "I don't know why but it made me feel like I'd missed out on something all these years. You were so kind to me, and I'd been so difficult, horrid. I was angry with myself." Tim took a deep breath "I took that out on you, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."
"And you think this makes everything alright?" Isobel asked.
Tim shook his head "No, I know it doesn't. I wanted to apologise to you in person, but also without father here so you would know I wasn't doing it just to impress him. He doesn't need to know I was even here, if you'd prefer it that way."
Isobel looked at Tim suspiciously "What is it you want now?"
"Honestly?" Tim exhaled "I met up with an old school friend this week. He helped me work some things out in my head." Tim shook his head "It's hard to believe in what you want when you feel that it's something that only exists in books and stories." He looked up at Isobel, hoping that eye contact would show how honest he was trying to be "I want to be part of a family. I want to know what it feels like to be surrounded by people who are nice and only want the best for me. I want to know what it feels like to want to come home, to want to share my life with those people. I want to be with people who I don't feel I have to compete with, or pretend to be someone I'm not, or who won't laugh at me for just being me." Tim shrugged "I want to know what that might feel like."
Isobel felt stunned. This was not what she expected to encounter on her Friday morning off. Could she trust him? Should she? Without knowing what she was doing she heard herself saying "Would you like some tea?"
Tim smiled in relief "Yes please, if you wouldn't mind."
"I'm sure Stokes has been listening to every word, and a tea tray won't be long. You'd better hang up your coat and come through." Isobel turned to walk through to the drawing room. What on earth was she doing?!
She directed Tim into a seat that was some distance from hers. If this interview was going to take a turn for the worst, she wanted some space between them.
-TW- -TW- -TW-
"Are you alright Darling?" Dickie asked from the bed as he watched Isobel at her dressing table.
"Hmm?" Isobel looked up from massaging her hands with cream "Sorry did you ask something?"
"You've seemed quite distracted all day. I just wondered if you're alright?" Dickie repeated.
"Yes, I'm fine" Isobel smiled at him "Just a few things on my mind, that's all."
"I had hoped a day off from your hospital duties would give you a rest" Dickie chuckled "But if it just means you worry more about what's going on in your absence, maybe it was a bad idea!"
Isobel smiled "I'll be away all next week. Much better that they cope without me for a few days while I'm still here for them to ask questions."
"Do you think we should have agreed to stay with Rosamund after all? Do you think she was upset we're staying with Hugh?" Dickie pondered.
"Although I think Rosamund would have loved to have us all together, I just don't think there's enough space. And while they are my family, sometimes it's nice to be a bit removed. They do seem to create their own drama!" Isobel smiled fondly.
"I think we're giving them a run for their money on that score recently!" Dickie countered. "But it does free us up to do some of our own activities."
"And just what do you have in mind, my Lord?" Isobel asked seductively as she sashayed over to the bed, planting a kiss on his amused face.
"Well, I did have some ideas." He murmured "But I may need to re-evaluate my plans" He kissed her soundly and reached over to turn out the light.