Enough

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.

Older and Wiser

Staying angry with Jacob was too much work. They'd had such a fun day so far. Bella didn't want a petty argument to ruin it. She started to smile as she pulled her hand away from his chest.

"You look plenty human to me." She conceded. "At the moment."

"I feel human." Jacob stared past her, his face far away.

"Jake, are you okay?" Bella whispered, automatically reaching for his hand. Something was bothering him; it was very clear in his eyes. She didn't know how to help him. She didn't know enough about the life he was leading to offer any sage advice. It must be difficult transitioning from wolf to man and back again. She wondered if it hurt. She hoped it didn't.

"Are you okay, Jake?" She asked cautiously.

Jacob's warm hand curled around hers. "I'm fine." He said, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. "Time's getting on. We should be there soon." He concentrated on the road again, driving one handed as he let his other rest in Bella's. It seemed he didn't want to let go of this fragile connection, and after thinking about it, neither did she.

They reached Hoquiam without further incident. Once they were in Checker, Jacob had to concentrate. He wandered around, ticking off the parts he wanted on his list. Thankfully he was able to find most of them, and they re-emerged into the open in a much better mood, their former argument forgotten.

By the time they got back to La Push, it was getting late. Darkness was setting in, but at least the rain had stopped. Bella was enjoying herself more than she'd thought possible, and it amazed her that she hadn't once checked her phone to see if Edward had called. In fact, if not for their argument, she realized with surprise she hadn't thought of Edward much at all. She pondered this revelation momentarily as Jacob helped her out of the truck.

Billy still wasn't back yet, so they headed straight for the garage to unload the days spoils. As soon as they had everything laid out on the plastic floor next to Jacob's toolbox, he went right to work, laughing and talking again, while his fingers combed expertly through the metal pieces in front of him.

Bella became fascinated by his hands. They looked too big for the delicate tasks they performed with such ease and precision. While he worked, he was as graceful as he was when he moved. The rest of the day passed quickly after that. It became pitch black outside the mouth of the garage before Bella was expecting it, and then she heard Billy calling for them.

Bella struggled to rise, intending to help Jacob put his things away. He laughed quietly at her failed attempt to climb to her feet, the bulky walking cast again impeding her movement. She scowled at him, which just made him laugh harder.

"Just leave it, Bella." He said in amusement. "I'll be working on the car later tonight anyway."

"Bella?"

Both their heads snapped up as Charlie's familiar voice wafted through the trees, sounding closer than the house.

"Shoot." Bella muttered, nearly pitching forward in her haste to move. Jacob caught her just in time, steadying her by putting his hands on her shoulders. "Thanks." She said, feeling clumsy and awkward.

"Let's go." Jacob smiled, enjoying her discomfiture. He snapped the light off, and for a moment Bella was blinded. She felt Jacob grab her hand and gently tow her out of the garage. He made sure to keep a slow pace, and with his guidance she managed to hobble safely out into the open.

Jacob easily found the familiar path, his hand was rough, and very warm. Bella felt comforted by the solidity of his touch, the soothing heat coming from his body, so close to hers, as they walked slowly along the path in the darkness, instilled her with a confidence she was usually lacking. She knew that Jacob would not let her fall.

When they reached the house, Charlie was standing under the little back porch, and Billy was sitting in the doorway behind him.

"Hey, Dad!" Bella and Jacob said at the same time, which set them off laughing.

Charlie stared at her with wide eyes that flashed to Jacob's hand wrapped around hers. A glimmer of a smile touched his lips, clearly surprised, but pleased with this turn of events. "Billy invited us for dinner."

"My super-secret recipe for spaghetti. Handed down for generations." Billy said gravely.

Jacob snorted. "I don't think Ragu's been around that long."

The house was crowded. Harry Clearwater was there, too, with his family-his wife, Sue, whom Bella knew vaguely from her childhood summers in Forks, and his two children. Leah was a senior like Bella, but a year older. She was beautiful in an exotic way-perfect copper skin, glistening black hair, eyelashes like feather dusters- and preoccupied. She was on Billy's phone when they went in, and she never let it go.

"She's talking to Sam." Jacob whispered to Bella. "They've been a thing for ages."

Bella's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Does she know about the wolf thing?" She whispered back.

Jacob chuckled. "You could say that." He replied cryptically.

Bella wondered about the underlying meaning of that statement, but she was quickly distracted by Seth, Leah's younger brother. He was fourteen, and hung on to Jacob's every word with idolizing eyes. He kept blushing whenever Bella acknowledged him, which provoked good natured teasing from the others.

There were too many for the kitchen table, so Charlie and Harry brought chairs out to the yard, and they ate spaghetti off plates on their laps in the dim light from Billy's open door. The men talked about the game, and Harry and Charlie made fishing plans. Sue teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried, unsuccessfully to shame him into eating something green and leafy. Jacob talked mostly to Bella and Seth, who interrupted eagerly whenever Jacob seemed in danger of forgetting him.

Bella noticed Charlie watching her, trying to be inconspicuous about it, but with pleased and cautious eyes. She could already tell he was getting the wrong idea about her and Jacob, and was dreading the upcoming conversation where she was going to have to put him right. She could already imagine his disappointment when she revealed that they were only friends and nothing more.

Still, despite the looming worry of her father's disappointment, Bella continued to enjoy herself. Sometimes it was loud and confusing as everyone talked over everyone else, and the laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. Bella didn't speak often, but she smiled a lot, she was enjoying people watching. She was especially interested in Leah. Harry's daughter finally let go of the phone, but she didn't relax. She kept pacing in the background, not really joining in the general conversation unless someone asked her a direct question. Something seemed to be troubling her, and Bella wondered what it was, but the older girl remained guarded, keeping her secrets close to her chest.

However, this was Washington, though, and the inevitable rain eventually broke up the party. Billy's living room was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get together. Harry had driven Charlie down, so they rode together in Bella's truck on the way back home, with Charlie at the wheel. He asked Bella about her day, and she told mostly the truth- that she had gone with Jacob to look at car parts and then watched him work in his garage. She waited pensively in the passenger seat, waiting for the inevitable questions about how close she and Jacob were becoming.

"You think you'll visit La Push again anytime soon?" Charlie wondered aloud, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Perhaps." Bella answered vaguely.

Charlie frowned a little. "You and Jake seem to be getting very friendly."

"Jacob's a friendly guy." Bella kept her tone light.

Charlie sighed, getting frustrated with her non-answers. "Well, I'm pleased to see you spending time with Jake. He's a good kid…one of the best. Make sure you keep up the friendship, Bells. It will be good for you."

"Alright, Dad." Bella muttered, getting nervous as she approached the house. She didn't want to go upstairs to her room. She knew Edward would be waiting and wasn't really in the mood for a confrontation right now. The warmth of Jacob's presence was fading and along with it went her confidence. The anxiety grew stronger as soon as she stepped inside the house. This was terrible. She shouldn't feel like this. It was only Edward. She needed to pull herself together.

"Night, Dad." She mumbled after hanging up her rain jacket.

"Night, kiddo." Charlie answered cheerfully. "See you in the morning."

Not able to put it off any longer, Bella reluctantly climbed the stairs to her room. Edward was there, just like before, waiting in the shadows by her window. She hovered in the doorway, wishing that Charlie would appear up the stairs behind her so he could act as a buffer, but the sound of the TV drifting from the living room confirmed that he was settled in his recliner for the night.

Summoning up what little courage remained, Bella slowly hobbled the rest of the way into her room, closing the door carefully behind her. "I'm back." She declared unnecessarily.

"You never answered any of my calls or my texts." Edward responded grimly. He kept in the shadows so Bella couldn't glimpse the anger on his face, although it was present in his voice. "Do you have any idea of how worried I've been?"

Bella sighed, it felt like déjà vu all over again. This was the same conversation as before. Soon he would lecture her about her safety, about the torment she had put him through by staying out of contact for so long. Then would come the inevitable derogatory comments about Jacob, about how dangerous he was, how she putting her life at risk by continuing to be around him, followed by the usual emotional blackmail, whereby she would end up being the one to apologize. Well not here. Not tonight. She wasn't up for it.

"I'm tired, Edward. I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning." She said tiredly.

"You want me to go?" Edward asked in surprise. He was clearly taken aback, doubt clouding his tone as if he wondered if she really meant it. This was the second time she was essentially dismissing him and he didn't know how to take it.

"Yes." Bella answered wearily. "We have already had this argument. You know how I feel. I know how you feel. We've reached an impasse, Edward. And this human needs her sleep. So, if you don't mind….?" She left the rest of the sentence unsaid as she turned around and escaped to the bathroom, quickly closing the door so Edward wouldn't see her tears.

A week went by and Bella was finally free of her cast. She had already fallen back into the same old pattern with Edward. She didn't see Jacob and he didn't call. But he was always on her mind.

One morning she woke with a start – her eyelids popping open wide- and sighed. Dull grey light, the familiar light of an overcast morning, made her feel gloomy. Even though she would never openly admit it around Edward or his family, she missed the sun. Being around them constantly meant that whenever the sun did manage to poke its head out from between the clouds she had to go into hiding.

Taking a deep breath, Bella glanced at her alarm clock. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed her that today was September the thirteenth, and she suddenly realized it was her birthday. How had she forgotten? The events of the past couple of weeks had driven it from her mind. Today she was officially eighteen years old. She had been dreading this day for months, trying to block out its significance. But now it was actually here, she found that she didn't really care that she was one year older. How strange? She had been obsessing over it all for so long, she wondered why it didn't matter so much to her anymore.

All through the perfect summer-the happiest summer she had ever had, the happiest summer anyone anywhere had ever had, and the rainiest summer in the history of the Olympic Peninsula-this bleak date had lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.

And now that it had hit, it meant absolutely nothing. She could feel it- she was older. Every day she got older, but this was different, unexpected. She was eighteen and Edward never would be. Even though in reality he was decades older, he would forever remain frozen at seventeen. Their outlook on life would change, she had already felt its effects over the last couple of days, she may not have wanted to admit it to herself, but it was there. She had sent him away twice now, something that she would never have envisioned that she would ever do in the past.

When Bella went to brush her teeth, she was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed. She stared at herself, looking for signs of impending wrinkles on her ivory skin. The only creases were the ones on her forehead, though, and she knew if she could manage to relax, they would disappear. She couldn't. He eyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over her anxious brown eyes, because gut instinct was warning her that an impending doom was looming on the horizon.

Bella skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible. She wasn't entirely able to avoid her dad, and so had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. She honestly tried to be excited by the gifts she'd asked him not to get her, but every time she tried to smile, it turned into a grimace. She felt so anxious, the feeling of dread sitting like a black demon on her shoulder.

As she drove to school, Bella tried to get a grip of herself. She tried as hard as she could to ward of her growing apprehension, the unnameable fear building higher and higher the closer she got to school. She couldn't feel anything but despair as she pulled into the parking lot behind Forks High School and spotted Edward leaning motionless against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan of beauty. A cold beauty. There was no warmth in his skin, the expression on his face, or in his eyes at all. And he was there, waiting for her to arrive, just the same as every other day.

Bella's despair turned to outright paranoia as she noted his sister, Alice, standing by his side, waiting for her, too.

Of course, Edward and Alice weren't really related (in Forks the story was that all the Cullen siblings had been adopted by Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme, both plainly too young to have teenage children), but their skin was precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange golden tint, with the same deep, bruise-like shadows beneath them. Alice's face, like Edward's, was also startingly beautiful. To someone in the know-someone like Bella-these similarities marked them for what they were.

And suddenly Bella's epiphany came to its completion. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to celebrate her birthday with these cold, beautiful beings made of stone. For so long she had yearned to be one of them, constantly begging Edward to change her, to make her a permanent member of his family, and now, now she had turned eighteen, she found that she wanted nothing more than to remain in her soft skin, to maintain her human fragility.

The sight of Alice waiting there-her tawny eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver wrapped square in her hands-made Bella frown. She had told Alice she didn't want anything, anything, not gifts or even attention, for her birthday. And, once again, her wishes were being ignored. Alice was doing what she always did, vicariously living through her, having no memories of her own human life.

Bella felt stifled. The revelations were coming in thick and fast, all of them painful, devastating. She felt like a lab rat, stuck in a cage, experimented on, used for others entertainment, because she realized that was what she was to the other Cullens (the exception being Rosalie). They found her fragile human ways funny, they were amused by her clumsiness, her perceived immaturity, her gaucheness. She was their pet human, just like Laurent had once said.

And Edward…. was he so drawn to her because of her blood, the mystery of mind, or the fact that he really liked what he saw? Bella suddenly wasn't sure anymore. Jacob's words had put doubts in her mind, making her want to run and hide from them. She needed to be alone, to figure things out. She would suffocate if she spent another minute in their company.

In the distance Bella could see the change in Alice's expression. The excited smile slipped from her petite face, her eyes clouding over as she realized, in the same instant that Bella made the decision to run, that no birthday was going to be celebrated that day. She turned to Edward to whisper something to him, but he had already read her mind. As one, they looked directly toward where Bella had parked the truck…but the space was empty…she had already gone.

A/N-thanks for reading!