Chapter Thirty-Nine: A Kiss of Failure
Wednesday - September 28, 2005 - Alice
Hunting seemed pointless, and I felt like I had cried enough to last a lifetime. So I leaned against a tree like a lump crushed stone, unable to do anything but sit in the rain. I knew it had been hours, but I couldn't conjure up any motivation to move. Had I done all this? Had I manipulated the family into this horror? Had I caused Angela's family to die?
There seemed to be only darkness ahead of us, with so many unknowns. Maybe I should sit in one place and let myself petrify like the legends of the Romanian vampire kings. Of course, I couldn't abandon my family, not when they needed me.
"Fuck." I said softly. "Fuckkkkkkkk!" I screamed into the darkness at the utter imbalance and indifference shown by fate, my fickle goddess. I had seen Angela hooked up to a ventilator, but I had first assumed it was James, then maybe Victoria, and then the baby. How could I not have seen the crash? That was twice I had failed to save Angela from a car crash, three times counting my hesitation that caused Bella so much pain.
I stood and looked up into the starless sky, the low dark gray cloud cover matched my mood perfectly. The rain mimicked the tears I could never shed. I had been with my family for nearly sixty years and had never once failed to protect them. Yet, I had failed my new sisters in every way conceivable. I had even hurt Charlie, who should never have been involved with us in the first place.
"Penny for your thoughts?" The voice startled me; I hadn't heard him approach. I looked over and found Charlie staring at me. His face looked different, younger. I almost laughed when I realized what he had done. His mere presence gave me a lift emotionally.
"You finally looked in a mirror?" I said with a genuine smile, and I almost laughed again at the absurdity of feeling lighter in his presence.
"Thought I would shave off a few years… literally." He said with a small chuckle, rubbing a hand over his now smooth chin and mouth.
"Ugh, that was an awful joke Charlie." I did let loose a small chuckle but turned it into a groan. I didn't want to encourage his sense of humor.
"Eh, I've been a dad for almost twenty years, sue me. You know, it took me twenty minutes to work up the courage to look in a mirror, and when I saw myself, I realized I looked stupid with that mustache. It took twenty razors to get it all off, twenty. Please tell me it won't grow back." Despite the light-hearted tone of his voice, I could see the grief in his eyes. He had been friends with the Webber's and went to Franklin's Sunday services on a regular basis, who was also the minister that officiated at Bella's wake and funeral. I had no doubt Charlie was feeling as badly as I was, perhaps worse. I wasn't sure if his humor was because his emotions were still partially tamped down, or maybe he was naturally good at compartmentalization.
"No, it won't grow back. We don't change. I'm surprised you were successful; our hair is pretty tough." I couldn't really respond the way I wanted to, with a joke. I wanted to be bright for him, my old self. I just hadn't felt like myself in a long time.
"I was pretty aggressive with it when I realized I couldn't cut myself." He started, then paused when he took in my mood. "Sorry for bothering you, Rose was wondering where you were, so I volunteered."
"And?" I replied, knowing that was only the excuse, not the reason for coming here.
Charlie seemed to weigh what he wanted to say until he finally responded. "And... I just can't just stand there while Angela is lying there with a machine breathing for her anymore, it's too hard." He shook his head after he said it and hung his head in pain, shutting his eyes tightly. "You know I was closer to Angela than to Bella for most of last year. She was my hospital buddy, and at some point she started to feel less like my daughter's friend and more like my daughter. I don't know exactly how that happened, but I love her so much. That's why it hurts to be tempted by her blood, because the idea of giving in and hurting her made my soul hurt. Now, I'm just supposed to wait? She's in a fucking coma, and her entire family is gone. We have to do something!"
He was begging me for answers, but I shook my head because I didn't have any. Instead I moved over and leaned under his face so that I could look in his eyes. "Have you ever told her how you feel?"
"No, that would be entirely too complicated. But it makes me smile to hear that they are already calling each other sister." Charlie gave me a conflicted look and I wanted to reach out to him.
"They are in every way that matters, we all are to a degree. Over the last year their fates have merged to the point where separating them caused one of them to suffer. I've been trying to make sure they get the best possible future, but I am starting to feel like I'm treading water. That I've pushed too hard and now there is only darkness ahead of us. Was I wrong to pull the strings surrounding our fate? I've been doing that for the family for decades, and when I knew that Bella and Angela would be a part of our lives I just broadened my umbrella to make sure they were under my protection too. Then everything was shattered by Edward letting that truck almost kill Bella and I've been trying to keep things stable ever since. It's like spinning a thousand plates at once, and if I lose concentration for a second they start to fall. Like failing to see the crash. I should've seen that crash. They shouldn't be dead." I started to lose it, and Charlie's face twisted from grief to worry.
"Wow." Charlie shook his head a couple of times as if absorbing what I had said. "I think you're taking too much on yourself Alice."
"Maybe, but you love Angela as a daughter. That means you know her, what would she want?" I made it pointed, and he lowered his head and shook it a couple of times.
"That's unfair." He muttered, mostly to himself.
"I know, and do you think I feel any different? But you have to understand, if she loses those girls… if the family loses them. I think they are gonna be what helps put her back together. Without them, she's… they have to survive." I stumbled over my words, I couldn't get them out because I knew it was a painful truth. If we failed to bring her children to term it would break her spirit entirely. Especially if my vision played out and Tahlia was executed, but every time I've attempted to play that moment again, I feel a wall. As if that summit has been fundamentally altered. I just wish I knew if that was a good or a bad thing.
"Girls?" His face brightens, and his eyes widen.
"Shit, I was trying not… yeah twin girls. I saw them stillborn, it utterly destroyed Carlisle and Esme. Bella, Rose, me… we never fully recover. Angela becomes very dark, and I think it corrupts her gift. I'm beginning to think this moment in time is a catalyst, because if the twins die I don't think we will survive what's to come. Everything just gets piled on so high that we lose our will to fight." I could feel the tapestry of fate holding still, as if it was holding its breath for the next domino to fall. Perhaps it was a waiting game, perhaps there was something we had to do differently. I could feel some of the threads that had defined the darkest outcome already beginning to unravel, although I didn't know what I had done to change things already.
"You see all that?" He asked, cocking his head to one side in curiosity.
"Yeah. I know, our lives don't always make sense. You kinda just roll with it after a while. Honestly, the family kissed away normalcy when Edward made that stupid choice and we stayed here in Forks. So... I guess you can blame Edward." I frowned at my attempt at humor, and Charlie didn't even crack a smile.
"Well, that isn't a thing I care about anymore. I don't like Edward, but I have conceded the argument. It isn't my place to judge Bella's choices, and she chose to forgive him. Plus she has Rose, and they are so good together. Anyway, let's not dwell on that stuff right now. I keep asking myself what I want to know about this family I find myself in, and the thing that keeps coming to mind is you. Tell me about yourself, I really want to know more." He gave me a small smile, almost a shy one and leaned against a tree that still had enough leaves to give him cover from the rain. I leaned against it next to him.
"There isn't a lot to tell." I tried to deflect, but he just shook his head at me.
"I find that hard to believe. Tell me anything, a favorite memory about your human family." He had touched on the one thing I never wanted to talk about, but it was only fair that he understood why.
"I don't talk about my mortal life because I have no recollection of it. I have no memory of being turned, or even my full name. I've always just been Alice." I hoped it would be enough, I had gone through several dead-end searches with Carlisle but couldn't cope with another hopeless search of my missing past.
"What do you remember?" With his inquisitive mind, of course he would want to dig. I almost tried to change the subject, but the question served as an adequate distraction from everything else.
"My first memory was opening my eyes to darkness, and for a few seconds I thought I was blind. Then I found a small sliver of light under a doorway, and I burst through it. I had been stuffed in a utility closet in a sanitarium. The night staff were my first victims. I had no sense of self yet; I only knew thirst." It was my greatest regret, and I had always wondered if I was left in that place just to slaughter those people. It was far too specific, the looks on their faces when I killed them seared into my memories.
"I'm sorry, I understand how that could happen, after what I've been feeling since waking up to this life." Charlie looked over and gave me a sympathetic smile and motioned with his head to move on with my story.
"I wandered for a while, until I had my first vision of Jasper and the rest of the Cullens. That vision showed me another way to be, and my future in this family. It took everything I had to leave the city and live in the forest. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and eventually I had control of my impulses. Over several years I carefully and methodically learned how to live among people, until it was time. I waited for hours for Jasper to show up, just because I was so eager to finally meet him. When I did, it must've felt like a sign to him, because he followed me willingly, without hesitation. Yet he never truly fit in with my chosen lifestyle. Even though he had lost his desire to kill, the thirst was always a struggle. That's why he left me and the family." I was lost to my memories when I felt Charlie touch my shoulder reassuringly. It startled me, and yet the contact felt wonderful.
"Is it strange that I find you fascinating?" He asked, looking at me directly.
"No, I like that you find me fascinating." I paused, not sure what I should say next. "Charlie, can you see past my face? Can you accept me for who I really am, and not the lie we were forced to tell?" I wasn't sure if the direct approach was right, but I felt something looking into his eyes, and I desperately wanted to explore it.
He looked away shyly, if he were human, I could swear he was blushing. "I've always liked you, even though it felt strange and deeply inappropriate to be attracted to one of my daughter's friends. Now, well you're single, and technically older than me. I'm starting to feel like my attraction was real, maybe even justified. Could you like a dope in a uniform? Cause I'll never stop being a lawman."
"You are nothing like I expected Charlie Swan, and I cannot fathom why she left you?" I reached out a hand to tentatively touch his face and he didn't flinch at the contact.
"I think we came together to make Bella and that's it. We never got along, no matter how much I loved her we never fit together." He sounded sad but accepting of his lonely past.
"We could try, see if we fit together." I put it out there, wondering if it was too soon.
"Yes. I… I don't know. No… or, not yet. Maybe. I'm so in my head right now." He said clenching his jaw, it was obvious this was extremely hard for him to say. I let my hand fall to my side, as I tried to reign in my anger. It was too soon.
"If I fall into your arms right now, I don't know if I'll be me or just a version of the man you want me to be. I want to be with you. You make me feel light and happy and human. I just don't know if that's real." He looked lost, but I couldn't help but let out a small laugh.
"Duh, of course you don't know who you are, and I don't know who I am anymore. Why can't we figure that out together?" I reached up and cupped his face in my hands and leaned in towards him. I knew it was wrong to be indulging in this, but I couldn't fight how right it felt. I had no idea how I was going to tell Bella, but I didn't care.
"Are you sure?" He said just before our lips met, and was staring into my eyes longingly. I just smiled and closed the distance between us and tentatively pressed my lips to his, shutting my eyes to enjoy the sensation. He lifted me up and held me tightly, pressed against the trunk of the tree. We kissed for a while, lost in each other's embrace. Until finally we pulled apart and I buried my face in his jacket, taking in his scent. He smelled like home.
"What was the name of the sanitarium?" He asked unexpectedly.
"It burned down in 55', all the patient records were lost." I said looking back up at him, as he set me down on my feet. I almost pouted, happy to be so close to him.
"The hospital records are one path, but they aren't the only way. Now we might have to jump through a few hoops, but assuming you were a patient, there should be an original request to the state to have you committed. That would leave a court record or a petition filed into civil records. That would leave a trail that we could follow. We might be able to find your name, or maybe your parent's names if yours was redacted due to age. We find that, and we can easily track down your family. Sixty…" I raised a finger up to indicate longer. "Seventy?" I raised it up again. "Damn, well you might have some family still alive." He said and reached out and caressed my cheek. I leaned into his touch, it felt marvelous to be close to someone again. It felt better that it was someone that wanted the same things I did.
"Way to make a girl feel old." I chuckled and rested my head against his chest. He immediately began to stroke my hair, and I sighed in contentment. "I awoke to this life in 1920, can you really do something with so little to go on?" I asked, feeling a little overwhelmed.
"Just a few calls, I don't even have to be alive for that kind of inquiry. I can even use my real name, if they call my department, they'll just think it was something I was looking into before I disappeared." He leaned his cheek against the top of my head, he sounded clearly happy to be useful again.
"You know, once you have control over your impulses fully, we can get you set up as a cop again." I said hoping he could find something positive about this change.
"I have to admit, with our abilities it would make my job a lot easier. It's a shame I can't go back to working here in Forks." He sighed and gave me a nod of acceptance before pulling away from me. "Alice, is this right? Can we be together?"
"One day at a time Charlie." As I spoke, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone as a call came through. I looked at it stunned, it was an action so familiar and welcome that I started to laugh uncontrollably. Charlie took the phone from my hand and answered.
"Alice's phone." Charlie answered simply.
"Charlie, is Alice close?" Carlisle asked with a touch of urgency.
"Yes, she's right here… although she seems a little thrown by your call." I shook my head and reached out for my phone, he handed it over without question.
"No, I'm fine. I just started to answer your call before you called." I said in explanation, unable to repress the smile stretching across my face.
"Oh my, that is great news. Your visions are coming back." Carlisle sounded thrilled, but I immediately felt horrible that things were returning to normal after failing Angela.
"What's going on, is Angela okay?" I suddenly worried I missed something again.
"She's stable. No changes. I was just contacted by Sam Uley, he's the alpha of the Quileute wolf pack down in La Push. He has agreed to the parlay and wants to meet tonight. We need all hands-on deck, including you Charlie. They want a true count of our numbers." He sounded worried, and I couldn't blame him. Nothing about the situation felt right.
"Where and when?" I said looking at Charlie who just nodded in agreement.
"An hour at the edge of our territory where the Calawah and Bogachiel rivers meet." Carlisle didn't sound thrilled at the choice of meeting places.
"I don't like it, it could be an ambush." Charlie said, shaking his head.
"We don't have a tremendous amount of choice here. We have to go, or they will just declare war." Carlisle's voice had urgency and a touch of fear, but there was something else. I had seen it in his face when he left the hospital. Losing Angela's family cut him deeply, more than usual when he lost a patient.
"Who is staying to watch Angela?" I asked, wondering if it was wise to leave her alone for any length of time.
"Esme, although Bella is pretty grumpy about leaving Angela's side. I already explained that we were caring for Angela. I can only imagine how they are going to interpret that information." Carlisle sighed, I could tell he was frustrated and had no idea what was going to happen.
"Well, I'll see you there. Wish the boys were with us." I added, feeling like we were at a major disadvantage, especially without Edward listening into their thoughts.
"Me too." Carlisle agreed, taking an exaggerated breath, and then ended the call. I looked up at Charlie who shrugged at me, and then I leaned up and kissed him again. We stole precious seconds before setting off for the meeting place. In my haste to get away from the hospital I had gone quite a bit in the other direction and it took us nearly a full hour to find the rest of the family. Carlisle, Bella and Rosalie were all standing together looking anxious. Charlie took a place next to Rose and Bella, and I kept him at my side.
Almost exactly to the minute a chorus of howls pierced the night, and the wolves started exiting the tree line on the other side of the river. A large man with short black hair wearing only a pair of black shorts and boots with laces barely tied up was among the pack. He had an air of power and leadership in his posture and in the way the rest of the wolves seemed to defer to his movements. Two narrow rock outcroppings jutted out over the water leaving a gap of only ten feet, he walked to the edge of his side and held up a hand stopping the barks and yowls from the half dozen giant wolves behind him.
"Carlisle Cullen?" He said in a neutral voice. Carlisle nodded and moved to the opposite rock.
"Sam Uley?" Carlisle said with a small nod of his head in greeting.
"It has been many years since you forged a treaty with my people. The stipulations were clear that none of your family can hunt or feed while in proximity to our territory. Since you have arrived, two have joined your ranks and a third we understand is in your care. We have been tolerant because we hold no ill will towards your newest members, but you must explain or we will have no choice but to tear the treaty up and demand that you leave this area immediately." Sam spoke passionately, and with gravitas. It was obvious why he was the alpha of their pack.
"I can understand how this would appear from the outside." Motioning towards Bella and Charlie, "But we have brought them here to testify freely. To tell their story if you are willing to hear it."
"And the one in your house whose family is about to be put in the ground?" Sam asked with a small furrow of concern and sympathy.
"She is in a coma, fighting for her life. She has expressed a desire to join us, and if her condition warrants it, we will accommodate her request." Carlisle's explanation, while true, left out something that I would imagine could be a sticking point for the wolves.
"She's my best friend, and I will not let her die." Bella said, speaking up, causing the wolves on the other side of the river to start howling again.
"Silence!" Sam shouted back at his pack, and they all shut up immediately.
"If she is in such a state, why not change her now?" Sam asked, and Carlisle managed to keep his expression neutral.
"She's pregnant." Carlisle admitted.
"You expect to keep her in your house in secret for months?" Sam asked incredulously.
"We will keep her alive, and after she has given birth, we will turn her." I could see Carlisle trying to dance around the subject, the fear starting to show in his eyes.
"And your family of vampires are going to raise a child, wouldn't she just suck it down like a juice box? Aren't newborns supposed to be rabid?" Sam's nostrils flared, his anger rising.
"Not all, Bella here has already adjusted and has vowed to adopt our lifestyle. Her father shares a similar talent, although different. He is new to this life but has expressed a desire to abstain from ever hurting anyone. True to his life as an officer of the law." I wasn't sure how long this exchange was going to keep going. I tried to touch the future, and I felt a vision dancing at the edges of my sight, but it wouldn't come no matter how hard I tried to conjure it.
"Bella, Charlie, is this true?" Sam looked at them directly as he spoke, and Bella nodded quickly and emphatically. Charlie stepped forward.
"Sam, I know you through reputation. I have been friends with the Quileute for most of my life, and I hope that my ties with the Black and Clearwater family will continue despite my situation. Billy is a dear friend, and I still mourn Harry. They know I would never hurt your people." Charlie's emotions were on full display, but I could see a twinge of his newborn fury just behind his careful posture and expression. Sam nodded at him in acknowledgement.
Sam lowered his head in thought for a barely a minute before looking up and meeting Carlisle's eyes. "I am inclined to trust your word Carlisle Cullen, and I do trust Charlie and Bella Swan. However, we cannot live with the threat of your presence any longer. We demand that you leave Forks and never return. We give you until the birth of the Webber girl's child. Until then we will be watching carefully." Sam waited patiently for Carlisle's response, yet he took longer than I expected.
"We have done nothing wrong, except to live our lives. You have threatened my wife, my daughters and now are demanding we leave a home that means a lot to us, forever." Carlisle shook his head a few times. "Angela may never recover; I may not be able to save her or her children. My family will be in mourning forever because I couldn't save her family. I cannot accept your request. I will honor the treaty as it has stood for a century, nothing less."
"You leave me no choice." Sam said, looking down at the river below him. The rapid waters sprayed nearly to the top of the rocky outcroppings.
"Don't do this Sam, please leave in peace. I beg you." Carlisle sounded desperate and looking at the family we could all feel it.
"Peace is over. Carlisle Cullen, I have found you and your family are in breach of the treaty. We will not openly attack you, for one month. At that time if you have not left this place, we will be at war. Charlie and Bella Swan, you are still welcome on our lands provided you can prove that you are no threat to our people" He raised a hand then, in signal to his pack.
"I hope when the time comes, you will see reason." Carlisle said as the wolves disappeared into the forest.
"I hope when the time comes you will leave and never come back." Sam said with a touch of sadness, then nodded and turned towards the forest. He took five steps and then erupted into a large black wolf and joined the rest of his pack.
"Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!" I said to no one in particular.
"That about sums it up." Rosalie said with a deep sigh.
"What're we going to do Carlisle?" Bella asked, an expression of worry creasing her face.
"We have no choice, we're outnumbered. We make sure Angela pulls through, then we leave. Maybe in a hundred years when we come back the next pack will be more reasonable." Carlisle shook his head in frustration and took off towards the house. We all looked at each other for a few seconds trying to figure out if there was an answer we couldn't see, before we all turned and followed him.
As we ran through the woods I tried to conjure a vision, a way through. It all seemed so dark, and then the thing that had eluded me dancing at the edges of my mind pushed forward and forced me to stop in place. I could feel the family stop with me in worry and curiosity as a new event unfolded in front of me.
"Mother, you will bow to us, relinquish your hold over my charge and leave this place or we will end your family down to every last Cullen!" Aro practically screamed, his eyes wide with anger and something I had never seen, maybe frustration.
"I will not stand down. Your four best enforcers are either dead or with me, Marcus will discover your treachery soon and the council will be broken. Stand down, crawl back to your castle and leave me and my family alone!" The woman speaking was exquisitely beautiful, her ash white-blonde hair and mis-matched eyes easily connected her to the man I had come to know as Mason. I was momentarily shocked to see Jane at his side, along with another man and two women I didn't recognize. They were outnumbered and surrounded and Aro just smiled.
"Five against fifty, I don't like your odds… Mother." Aro sneered, and motioned with his head as a fight erupted. Quick and brutal, the enforcers were out classed but they had the numbers. One of the women barely put up a fight but was restrained and dragged away in seconds. The strange man and woman fought hard, and were matched well as a fighting team. But they also eventually fell. Leaving Jane and Tahlia, they kept the enemy at bay for a long time as they worked in tandem. They were clearly fighting for more than just survival, and it hurt to see when they fell. I gasped when Aro took Jane's head then they had Tahlia on the ground as he dropped the head to the ground in front of her.
"No." Tahlia said softly, clearly grieving over the death of one of the witch twins. Was that new?
"Yes. I don't know how you turned Jane but this time I will not give you the benefit of time." Aro stepped forward and placed his hands on Tahlia's face and she leveled a look at him that was full of hate. Then her eyes began to glow and Aro shook his head in confusion, stepping back and looking at his hands.
"What did you do?" He glared at Tahlia who shook her head at him in disappointment.
"I took your power, you sadistic manipulative bastard! You will never be able to snake your way into another mind. Powerless and empty, just like your soul!" Tahlia said, a touch breathless. Despite her outward strength I could see the strain in her eyes, the drain of effort she was trying to conceal.
"Give it back!" He demanded but she shook her head.
"No, I would rather die." She said, her voice breaking as she looked down at her fallen friends.
"Fine, then die." Aro reached forward and placed his hands on either side of her head, and quickly removed it with a distinctly unique sound. I pulled out of the vision and looked around my entire body shivering with emotion.
"What did you see?" Charlie asked, as I realized his hand was on my shoulder keeping me upright.
"Something new we have to stop. And I think I know what Tahlia needed to change in Volterra." I looked up into the tree canopy and lost myself in the chaotic patterns of leaves and branches, trying to clear the vision from my head. It was bad, but I wondered how different it was from the original timeline. Then as if in answer the original events flooded my mind like a slideshow of deleted scenes from a horror movie. It was torture and pain, and Tahlia's quick death after a week of evading Jane's questions. In comparison, this time she was far more observant and deliberate, slowly and methodically working on understanding Jane and eventually forming a relationship with her.
"Is the change a good thing?" Rosalie asked, and I shrugged.
"Depends, I think Tahlia basically adopted Jane." Saying the words out loud felt absurd. Jane, the sadistic girl with no outward empathy had been turned. It seemed impossible.
"Wow. That's wonderful." Carlisle said with a wide happy smile. "She has never had a real opportunity to choose her own path. She was broken as a child and used as a weapon for nearly a millennium."
"Well, the vision I had was next Saturday so we have a couple of days after Angela's due date to figure out a way to help. I know it hasn't happened yet, but the way they are interacting now will lead to Tahlia and Jane forming a mother/daughter bond that is strong enough to die for one another." As I explained they all gave me hopeful looks.
"I guess we're going to Italy as soon as the children are born and Angela is awake. I could risk inducing a day or two early but that's it given how they develop any sooner and they would be premature." Carlisle hedged, and I wondered how many of us would be needed to even the odds in that confrontation.
"The more time to get there the better." I replied feeling unsure of everything. Charlie squeezed my shoulder and I realized he hadn't let go. We looked into one another's eyes for a moment and something clicked. This was right and real and this man was someone I genuinely wanted and could see myself falling for. It was strange, but I didn't even need to look at my vision to know he was the one that had held me tightly. My lover and mate.
It was a revelation and a joy… I just hoped we would live long enough to fully enjoy whatever our future together held for us.
Author's Note:
Charlie and Alice are a strange couple to try and realize, it works because there was always something between them even in the original books but it starting from that relationship would require some major plot gymnastics. Thankfully this story is in a very different place and getting Charlie to a point where he could look at Alice as a woman, and not as a teenager that is friends with his daughter is quite a bit easier. I think we've gotten there, but please tell me what you think of this development.
Next Chapter: Waiting in Place - Lexie, Rosalie, Carlisle, Bella
Thank you for reading! The next few chapters are very far along and shouldn't take too long to post (Book two should be finished before Christmas).