CHAPTER 15: A NAME

"I'm glad that you've been abiding by the rules, Anastasia." smiled as she finished taking measurements and looked at the chart made by Gail, full of all the blood pressure measurements they had taken notes on over the past weeks. "I think we can relax a little bit. You don't need to be in strict bed rest anymore, but you still can't extort yourself, okay? I'm talking about moving slowly around the house, slowly being the keyword and maybe going outside for a walk 2 or 3 times a week and nothing more. You can get back to having sex but make sure you are comfortable and your heart rate and breathing are not alarming, you'll know if it is." Ignoring Anastasia's completely red face and Christian's shit-eating grin, she smiled gently at the couple.

"Did you have time to think about birth? You have only 5 weeks left, and the earlier we make a plan, the better. I know you wanted a natural birth but now that we took your blood pressure in control, I don't want to put additional stress on your body and the baby. I say we schedule a C-section."

Anastasia looked at Christian, feeling him squeeze her hand. They talked about it in detail and no matter how much she wanted to experience natural birth it was going to be her only chance- it looked like a C-section was safer. She read some horror stories about how babies were unable to pass the birth canal because of conditions like hers and ended up with serious disabilities, it wasn't worth risking her baby. "Yes, we talked about it and we agree. We can schedule a C-section and do what else's necessary."

"Okay, that's great. I'll send you a list of the dates I'm available and after your choice, we can book the operating room." The couple nodded. "Excellent. I know this bedrest had been tough but it was necessary. Now that you are healthy again, you can enjoy your last weeks as a pregnant woman. Take care."

Christian stood up to show her out, while Anastasia kept lying on the bed and thought about how she was going to be a mother in the next two months. It seemed surreal to think. She rubbed her tummy, smiling as she felt her daughter move. Christian came back in a few minutes, lying down next to her and gently turning her so that they faced each other. His hand stayed on her hip.

"How do you feel?"

"It's kind of funny but even more worried. This blood pressure situation gave me something to focus on. Now I'm back to worrying about afterward."

"Talk to me." She looked into his kind eyes, filled with love.

"I wanted to be a mother for so long, now that it's close, I'm worried that I'm going to make a mess out of things. Babies might be physically more demanding but they are easier, you just feed them change them, and cuddle them. But what about when they get older? I'm so afraid that I'm so focused on not making the same mistakes my mother or dad did that I'm going to end up fucking her up in a whole different way."

"Hey..." He shushed her, caressing her cheek and trying to channel all his love. "Why am I hearing about this for the first time?" She shrugged, not wanting to admit that she felt weak. "I've been reading a lot of parenting books about different styles and all of them seem like they end at the same point: Messing up is not optional. We are going to mess up, somehow. We are humans, too. But did you know that the kids grow up to be emotionally mature adults if their emotional needs are met %40? It's not even half and they still turn out fine. I'm not trying to say that we won't try our best, of course, we will. But she'll turn out just fine." He reached out and touched her belly, enjoying feeling his daughter safe in her mother's tummy. "I still have nightmares sometimes, I have moments where I feel like I'm doing her harm, by choosing to be here. But in the end, we are not just what we think, we are also how we respond to them." She looked at him with shining blue eyes, full of love and trust.

"Well said, . I love you." She watched his face brighten, hearing her answer him accordingly for the first time.

"I love you, too, Miss Steele." He kissed her, making her sigh into his mouth. He could be so dreamy when he wanted to and she was a lost cause when he was gentle and loving like this. He was in sweatpants and a t-shirt, looking comfy and homely, it gave her great satisfaction to see him so casual.

"Now that I don't need to be in bed at all times, can we start decorating the nursery?" He smiled, he didn't want to start before, without her input. Now they could decide and decorate together.

"Yes. And you promised to take me shopping, remember?"

"But I already bought so many clothes... Do you still want to go?"

"Oh, you're right. We can't afford to have too many baby clothes, after all." She flicked his nose in answer to his sarcasm. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his hands caressing their baby. She thought about 's sex permission. She was very self-conscious about her new body, despite wanting this pregnancy more than anything in the world. She gained a lot of weight in the last few weeks, probably because she was eating all the time and not moving at all, her belly looked way too big for her small frame, her stomach was full of stretch marks and she couldn't reach her legs to shave. She liked her new bigger boobs and she felt like she looked good in clothes but naked, not so much. Christian had been very respectful of her boundaries, even though she could see the fleeting hurt in his eyes when she wanted Gail to help her shower instead of him. Merida reminded her that she was planning a lifetime with Christian and there might come a time she can gain weight, maybe she won't even be able to lose it after the baby arrives. Did she plan to stay away from him forever? Also, she knew that he also looked different after he came back from the facility but it didn't bother her at all. Was it selfish to expect the same from him? But a tiny voice in her mind reminded her how he used to speak about babies before, she heard him say that "pregnancy destroys women's bodies" on more than one occasion.

She opened her eyes when he poked her gently, his gray eyes intense as they searched her face, trying to see what was wrong. She took a deep breath and tried to find a way to articulate her thoughts, and without meaning to, she blurted her thoughts in the wrong way.

"Why don't you want to have sex with me?" His face filled with shock, his eyes as wide as saucers. She wanted to backtrack but it was like she opened a faucet and her thoughts came pouring. "I mean I don't have anything to compare it with but from Kate and Jean, I know you have a high sex drive and stamina. But you didn't initiate sex since you moved in and I want to know why. If it's because of me, I can't help it, you know?! And besides you say you love me, you are supposed to love me at my worst too. We'll get fat, we'll get old and wrinkly. If a few stretch marks are enough to make you stop desiring me then... then I.."She felt like she went from zero to a thousand in a second when she started sobbing uncontrollably, she wasn't even aware how deep her feelings were hurt. She felt him move his body up and pull her to his chest like he always does. The gentleness in his movements made her cry even harder. It was like there were two sides of him, and she could never get both at the same time.

"My love," he said, kissing her hair and forcing her to look up at him, his hands wiping her face gently, even though more tears fell. "Did you forget that you were on bedrest until today? You weren't supposed to have sex."

"I know!" She scoffed. "But you know that we could've done some stuff without having actual sex but you never try to!"

"Honey, because I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop if we start something." She watched him suspiciously, not fully believing. "I want you, of course I do. But you never seem comfortable for us to move forward physically. You flinch and run when I try to touch you something more than casual. You nearly fell from the bed trying to get away when I kissed your neck, remember?" She did remember. She was just afraid of letting herself go completely then. But now they progressed so much together, they learned a lot. She trusted him now.

"That was then."

"Ok. But you also never initiated contact beyond small touches here and there. How am I supposed to know that you want to move forward?" She noted the vulnerable tone in his voice and the shy expression on his face and suddenly it dawned on her: they were both idiots.

"So you were afraid I don't desire you and I was afraid you don't. We are not the sharpest tools in the toolbox and now I fear my daughter's intelligence." She rolled her eyes but relaxed into his arms, enjoying hearing his laughter.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Well..." She lowered her hands and gently rubbed his lower back, careful not to touch his chest or back as always. He shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut. She felt him grow where he was resting his leg against her. "I want you." She whispered, kissing him. His response was a growl and pressing her to the bed as harshly as he dared in her condition. Their clothes disappeared

in a record time and both of them sighed when he was inside her, finally. They were both lying on their sides, her back pressed tightly against his chest as he moved his hips, hands wandering.

Suffice to say that they took the day off the all the other responsibilities.

"How about Amelia?" Mia smirked from her place on the sofa, her iPad in her hands. "It's a chic name!" Christian rolled his eyes and enjoyed Anastasia's giggle.

"I told you, I want a new name for her. I don't want her to carry the burden of those before her. Names are very important, you know."

"What burden? She can only get the burden of being amazing from me." Mia mockingly flipped her short hair, making the couple laugh. She wasn't serious, although she wouldn't be opposed to it if they decided to name her niece after her. She turned to the webpage in her hands, going through the names but not succeeding in finding anything.

"Do you seriously have no idea?" She looked to her brother, who shook his head.

"I like mostly classic names but I wouldn't mind anything Anastasia decided." Ana looked at him with shining eyes, enjoying the way he gave her full control, knowing how difficult was it for him.

"Pf. How about flowers? Rose? Lily?" Christian's head moved so quickly, his eyes angry, looking at her. She raised an eyebrow, not understanding what was going on. "What?" Anastasia watched the interaction, confused. The siblings looked at each other for a minute, a silent conversation passing between them. Mia laughed out loud when she understood what was going on.

"Are you talking about your date? Lily, my friend?" Anastasia looked at him, even more confused. She met Mia's friend Lilly on a few occasions and she was one of the most annoying people she had ever met. Mia looked at Ana and explained.

"Look, Kate and Christian told me about your idiotic idea to force him to date and I thought a little push in the right direction was good. Lily is very delusional and annoying, she's like, the total opposite of you. I thought if he was forced to sit down with her for a little while, he'd understand how good you are for him." Christian rolled his eyes again as if he was the one who needed the push!

"So she was one of your dates?" He nodded.

"I know the third one was Kate so who was the first?" He raised an eyebrow, silently reminding her that it was her who didn't want any information. She sighed and decided to let the topic go.

"Oh, oh!" Mia exclaimed. "Cities! London, Paris! They are so cool as names and I'm sure-"

"No." She whined at Anastasia's firm voice and got up in a huff to go and get something to drink, disposing the tablet in her hands. Anastasia kept looking mindlessly, until she went up again, to the letter A. She smiled as she read the name and imagined it. Christian enjoyed the happy look on her face and he leaned down on her shoulder to read. He felt his chest ache in the most wonderful way, he blinked some tears.

"Are you sure?"

"Do you like it?" He half laughed, half cried, nodding.

"Okay then." She smiled, wiping a tear that managed to escape and kissing him thoroughly.

"Abbey Grey" He voiced out loud, feeling extremely touched at the name Ana had chosen. Both smiled at each other as Mia came back, sitting down and looking at them expectantly.

"It means a father's joy," Ana explained. "Abbey."

"Aw! It's so cute!" She nodded, her eyes rubbing the spot where her daughter decided to let them know she was there. She decided to take it as a yes. She reached and brought Christian's hand to the spot she was kicking.

"I think Abbey likes her name."

AN: Hi everyone! How have you been? Did you miss our lovely couple?

Don't be too hard on Ana, she's super hormonal.

Waiting for your reviews!