Code Lyoko
UlrichxYumi
I just write for fun. A review would be great if there is someone there reading me...
Sorry if there are grammar mistakes o something lost in translation; I'm barely B2 in English
II
"Jeremie when are you going to stop apologizing to me for having to summon me?", he asked him curious and already somewhat annoyed. "We've already talked about this and that's unnecessary..."
It had been months since everything had restarted and although they had not made any progress in the investigation, they had agreed that at least once a week those who could would do reconnaissance rounds or strategy meetings in Lyoko to be prepared, just in case.
"It's okay, it's just that today in particular only you and Yumi confirmed, although she didn't show up..."
He shrugged, he had already accepted that he would have to see her periodically so when he said that, although he was not indifferent to her, it no longer affected him as before, it was true.
"She must have had other things to do..." suggested him.
He heard something vibrate and watched as Jeremie answered his phone and finally cut the call a few seconds later with a face that he could not define as boredom or concern, but if he had to bet he would say it was the result of a mixture of both.
"Maya is mad at Aelita again...," he confided regretfully, "I'm right in the middle because if I lean towards either side the balance would be off..."
He could hardly cope with his own problems, it was too hard for him to think about how Jeremie managed it to make it work, because he had to look after those of two other human beings strongly related to him. The mother-daughter conflict was serious from what he had told him before and had been unresolved for some time, yet he began to laugh. They were the same age, but their lives were completely opposite and had been that way forever.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh while you can, and I hope it's not misunderstood and it's not that I regret anything because I wouldn't change a thing, but make the most of your single life Ulrich..."
"That's what the old people say..." he commented still laughing. "You already looked like one when I met you and you're already sounding like one of them..."
He had always seen his position as a single man without a family as a disadvantage, but the truth was that he was the master of his time and his life. Come and go as he pleased, that, of course, as long as it wasn't during working hours: he was still a slave to the system. He started looking for his cell phone and couldn't find it and cursed himself for always leaving it lying around.
"You go solve your domestic problems, I'll look for my cell phone in the scanner room, I think that's where I last saw it, and then I'll leave too..."
"But you didn't bring you motorcycle and it's raining. If you want I'll wait for you to find it...", he suggested kindly.
"Just go, that just as I arrived without a water drop I'll leave, you'll see..." he dismissed his offer.
"Okay, take care of yourself and stay in touch...," he instructed him. "Whatever you need..."
"See you...", he said goodbye gratefully because he knew he meant it, but without getting into romanticism: between them it wasn't necessary.
After finally finding the fucking cell phone, he heard the elevator activate and thought it would be Jeremie insisting on taking him home, however, the one who finally appeared was Yumi, who was also surprised to meet him head on.
"Hello...," she greeted with a shy smile.
He watched her study the surroundings and noticed that she deduced what he already knew since he saw her appear and saw in her face the discomfort. They were alone.
"What about Jeremie?" she asked a little taken aback.
"Hello...", he answered her greeting. "He left a while ago, we already finished the mission..."
"I was running late...," she excused her absence.
"No news...", he informed her without further details. "I'm leaving now, are you going or staying...?
He watched her hesitate and secretly hoped she would opt to stay, however, she decided to leave as well.
"There's no point in my staying...," she replied with obviousness.
He plucked up his courage and took the elevator, next to her. It would only be seconds so it wouldn't be too long. Many times he had imagined that moment and did not think he could have magnified how uncomfortable it had really been, because although neither said anything and both observed each other through the corner of their eyes, only the sound of the machinery running its function could be heard, and in that place many things had happened between them so it was easy to rave in those memories, so he was relieved that finally the doors opened to let him out, because he was beginning to take his thoughts to a dangerous place.
"Good night...," he said a hurried farewell, not waiting to hear her reply, and not having gone very far when he heard a sound and a grumble, or rather a perfectly audible rudeness. He turned only to find Yumi facing the ground. He quickly turned back to help her, but could barely contain his laughter.
"Do you need help?" he wanted to check, not wanting for any reason to touch her without her consent.
He heard a whimpering sound and understood that maybe she had really hurt herself and it wasn't so funny to him anymore.
"Can you? Because with the rush you were leaving I thought you might be in a hurry to get to the bathroom and I wouldn't want to delay you..." she joked.
He didn't think she would answer him like that and couldn't help but smile. The few times they had interacted it was as if they were dealing with a stranger with excessive politeness and formality, they had even made the rest of the group uncomfortable with their treatment and Odd kept dropping hints about it.
"And I still have it... unless you want to stay there kissing the floor, because if you prefer I can leave you two alone...", he scathingly replied.
He could see a smile on her lips, and he tried to look away from her face because he didn't want to stare, and held out his hand to help her up.
"Are you all right?" he wanted to know, concerned. "Can you walk?"
She nodded, dusted herself off and knowing her he knew that apart from the dirt she was trying to shake off the embarrassment, and although she could indeed walk, he noticed that she had resented her knee with the fall and if it had been for him, why would he do it for even a stranger, he would offer her more help, but he preferred to leave things as they were. As they approached the exit he could hear how the rain was coming down hard, ending with a flash of lightning that brightened everything for a second.
"Shit...!" he mumbled irritably.
He thought he should have accepted the trip to Jeremie, because he would arrive even with wet underwear in that powerful rain and waiting for him to stop was too uncertain a bet, because hours could pass...
"I can give you a ride..." he heard her offer, as if she had read his thoughts.
"No need," he declined almost without thinking. "Thanks, anyway..."
He heard her exhale heavily.
"Ulrich, can we stop with this? It's pouring rain, you don't even have an umbrella and my car is a little further and I can give you a ride. Let me do it...please.
It was not the ideal situation, he would have preferred to decline such an unattractive offer, however, he appeased that impulse that he recognized as immaturity. She was right, when he was overcome he had to think and focus on the greater good, and that was to try not to get sick because once past the thirties a simple cold could turn out to be tragic and he could not afford to miss a day. His tight budget was depending on it.
"Until the bus stop, thank you...", he agreed without further ado.
Being inside the car, he again regretted not saying yes to Jeremie, because there he was again in a place where he wished he wasn't, and apparently there had been an accident or something was happening up ahead, because there was a lot of traffic congestion. He didn't usually have particularly lucky days, but it had been a while since he'd had one where he'd been so pressured to rationalize and not act impulsively. As a rule his days were less emotionally demanding.
"I hope it was nothing serious..." he broke the ice, surprised at himself for having been the one to start the conversation.
"I hope so..." she agreed with him. "I'm sorry I didn't manage to get you there in time...and also I really hope it wasn't the bathroom thing."
He laughed and while it was true that he was in a bit of a hurry, it wasn't for anything urgent or that couldn't wait a little longer.
"It's okay, Tofu will get a reward for making her wait...", he told her.
"Tofu?" she asked, unsure if she had heard correctly.
"My cat...," he explained.
The psychologist that he had ended up going to, and whom he had begun to respect despite his assumptions and first impression, in the fifth session handed him a box with a cat that was a little grown up, no longer a kitten, but not an adult either.
"Do the exercise of thinking about something other than yourself."
She had told him he was too self-centered and although he had not planned to adopt an animal, he had finally ended up with the cat in his house. And she had been right, somehow caring about another living being had ended up being therapeutic to come home and have her express to him - very much in her own way - that his presence or absence did affect her, had managed to make a difference.
Yumi nodded, and was tempted to show her pictures, but again reserved that impulse. It was one thing to be polite and another to be friendly.
"It's white, I guess," she added, continuing the theme.
"No, she's black," he contradicted her.
She looked at him confused by the strange choice of name.
"I don't know, I just felt it fit her...," he explained without reason for his choice. "At first I found it... insipid..."
She smiled at his response because the same word had been the one she had used to describe him when he asked her what tofu tasted like before tasting it, and to his good luck, the cars began to move faster, so he barely had time to think about whether it was right to tell her what had been macerating in his mind for some time, and as soon as she parked, he thought no more and finally said it, abandoning the centered and distant character he had been building up for some time.
"Yumi...", he called her name directly after avoiding it all that time. "I need you to know that I no longer blame you for having stopped loving me, on the contrary, thank you for having shared with me all that time, because it was important to me and I can never forget it, and that I am really glad to see that you are well, that you have been doing well... and... thank you also for bringing me..."
He gave her a smile and a wave of his hand and closed the door, encouraged because at the bus stop founded parked the one that dropped him off in the same block where his apartment was located. His luck was beginning to change, because the rain had lessened in intensity, but he hid well the tears he couldn't hold back after he had managed to say goodbye to Yumi as he supposed he should have done some time ago. Her psychologist would love to know that.
.
"And you told her like this, 'thank you for everything' and you left?" she collected the exposed data.
"Should I have stayed? Come on, I was getting my ass wet with water...and Tofu was waiting for me and you know it's like she has a watch, she's worse than you with the arrears, only she doesn't charge fines..."
She laughed, and nodded writing something down.
"I've never charged you extra... if you can barely afford me," she teased, but deflected the subject. "Now that you no longer lose your temper when you mention her, can you tell me who Yumi is, I mean we know that, otherwise why did Yumi end up being the subject of your affection and not another woman...?"
Of course they both knew who she was, he sure had her sick of mentioning her at every single session.
"That why I fell in love with her...?" he inferred her question.
"Because I guess, and I hope my standards aren't too high, you do realize that it's practically an obsession that started at a young age and has been sustained constant over time... and I'm sorry to tell you, from what you've told me, I still don't see what makes her soooo special..." he said teasingly.
Although for him more than an obsession, it was a wound that had not yet healed. He barely felt it was beginning to heal.
"It was hard not to notice her, I mean, she was new in a place where we all knew each other, that's not to mention she always wore black, was never seen in company and always drank coffee, and she made a gesture of disgust after the first sip...", he smiled at the memory, "and one day she showed up at the gym in the extracurricular in which I was the only one enrolled and... she beat me and I didn't behave like a good competitor..."
The memories were so vivid that he could give very specific details.
"When I was in my room thinking about how humiliated I felt because a woman had defeated me I suddenly realized that it was just what my father would think and feel..." he explained his change of mind, "and I was terrified, I wouldn't want to look like him even a little bit, and after analyzing it, I found it great that she was a girl and that I wouldn't have to measure my strength and abilities because she was one, and that it would even allow me to improve myself by having a partner of a very good level..."
From there everything escalated rather quickly, from the beginning he found her pretty, but she soon became the only girl he was genuinely interested in. She nodded to him to encourage him to continue.
"I asked her for a revenge and found out that she was not only pretty and good at martial arts, she also had a strong and determined character and turned out to be a very reliable person... and... I just fell in love..."
"And how did she feel about you?" she inquired in a terrain that remained a mystery to him. "Not your impressions, but the concrete, what her actions showed you..."
"She was a year older and since she was the most amazing girl to me I was actually quite jealous of her. It made me feel very insecure to be younger, although I don't think she ever cared about that..." he admitted somewhat embarrassed that he had been rather annoying. "Yumi knew I liked her a lot, however, she wasn't clear about how she felt about me and that was even more exasperating, because she was giving me very confusing signals..."
"And how do you think it affected you, or do you feel it influenced, the fact that you were a residential student at that academy to have your feelings for her developed so deeply?" he asked directly to the bone.
He could never get it out of his head and out of his heart that he had basically been abandoned by his parents in a place where they made sure he was educated, given a bed, fed and picked up, sometimes, for vacations to that plus a few sporadic phone calls and visits and what his father considered a "teenager" should have for extra expenses, which wasn't much. Besides being the perfect punishment for his poor grades.
"Being a small world now that you mention it, I think it might have been quite a bit... plus it happened to coincide with the time that, for various reasons, it felt like gambling your life away day in and day out..." he whispered more to himself than to her. No matter how much confidence that person might convey, naming a word of Lyoko with someone who wasn't directly involved was out of the question. "Possibly had I had a more normal life, with a functional family and all those things you guys love to say when you analyze us, maybe yes, perhaps I would have fallen in love with her anyway, but maybe it wouldn't have had the relevance it actually ended up having."
When he was able to admit that some time ago, he understood that even without knowing exactly how, he had more responsibility for the breakup than he first thought he had, and his anger at her diminished significantly. He had stopped blaming her. Life was not all or nothing, there were nuances that sometimes could be hard to see and he had been stupid with her more times than he could remember and maybe how many others he never knew about; maybe what had been the straw that had broken the camel's back?
"Not long ago I overheard a conversation where she was talking about her reasons for breaking up with me, without her knowing she was being recorded, and even though I wanted to know for so long, I wasn't able to face it and hear it," he accepted with regret. "Besides firmly believing that it was not the right way to access the information, although I did hear a part that made me realize that I had idealized her as a woman and as a person and that was not her responsibility...I was attributing qualities to her with my teenage crush...
Although he had fond memories of their life together, he was no longer certain who Yumi really was. The real her and the one he treasured in his memories did not seem to end up matching.
"And then I ran into this former classmate, who was the dumbest, nosiest, shallowest, most stalker-like girl you can imagine, I've known her since elementary school, and she's practically someone else today, and it made me inevitably wonder if maybe it was just me who kept setting the pace stuck in the same place... and why did it always have to be me..."
"While I understand that there are the parameters for doing so and the reasons, anyway, it's not healthy to compare yourself to others, Ulrich, we all go at our own pace and because there is an average age where certain rituals are expected to have been fulfilled, that doesn't mean it's a rule, that's called social pressure and it only affects you when you let it do so, because it's your own expectations that are the only ones you are obligated to achieve..."
She looked at him seriously, really wanting to get the message across, and when he thought she would go a little deeper, she asked him something completely unrelated, throwing him off.
"When do you have an appointment with the psychiatrist to discuss the dosage of the antidepressant and sleep inducer...?" she asked.
"I think next week, now that you say that I have to confirm to see about the shift issue...", he regretted not having remembered earlier.
He thought he wished they hadn't put the schedule together yet and while Kevin wasn't the smartest guy, nor the most diligent worker to ever pass through that place, he was very good willed and seemed immune to his sarcasm, so he was one of the few who tolerated it and could help him if need it be, but he hated asking for favors of any kind and feeling indebted.
"I have something to tell you...," she began, "it's good for you, but it causes me some loss, not very significant, don't you believe it..."
He was curious, the truth was that surprises were not something he handled too well, good or bad, he had become accustomed to living a more or less flat and rather predictable life.
"We can now reduce the sessions to one a month...", she informed him solemnly. "I'm not discharging you by any stretch of the imagination, but we won't have to see each other's faces as often anymore... how does that please your little bank account...?"
He was astonished to hear her say that, because he wasn't expecting it, not so soon.
"From telling me I needed practically one or two sessions a week now only one every thirty days?"
"You do know there are months with thirty-one as well?" she replied in an unnecessarily rude manner. "They will be the most expected."
He laughed because he understood that her humor was like his. They had had a lousy start, beginning with the fact that he hadn't expected to find a Japanese woman - because he could tell instantly from the decor of her office - with a French name, and when he saw her he almost ran away.
"Why...?" he then asked, a little more serious after a few seconds. "Did your son graduate and you don't need my money to pay for his funny cigars...?"
"Being honest at this rate my son is just a lost investment and I would need more money to hire hackers and alter the grading system..." she commented in passing, with a hint of anger, "but you in five months have moved on to even expressing thanks to Yumi, who you felt so hurt you so much and look at you, you renewed your driver's license, you keep your bills up to date, you no longer have bread crumbs in your beard, and you even have a cat that you managed to keep alive and even more importantly, healthy..."
From the way she said it, it did seem to have progressed, but to him it had all felt very gradual. He almost didn't notice it, because those months might as well have been a week or two. How fucked up was his perception of time...?
"You managed to stop focusing only on the negative, to be able to start remembering with affection the relationship you had and to despise your surroundings to a lesser extent, if you ask me, I am quite happy with your progress...", she happily stated. "It's important to work on other aspects that maybe you could also improve if you don't feel comfortable with it, but we'll leave that for the next session..."
"Well, I guess it's because the medication works..." he acknowledged with a nod. "Point to science."
"But it's not miraculous...," she indicated confidently. "This is mostly to your credit and you should feel proud, because let's be honest neither of us had faith and here we are: you're no longer one of my priority patients."
"That 'think of the greater good' thing has also worked," he recalled that on more than one occasion helped him.
"If it works for you, apply it," she rectified her advice.
They said their goodbyes, and he still couldn't believe that a professional acknowledged that he was indeed better, because he himself was feeling less miserable. Taking charge of his problems and not avoiding them seemed to have made a difference, as well as getting the recommended eight hours of sleep. Who would have believed it without having experienced it…?
.
He had thought about keeping his distance and limiting himself to hanging out with the group only for things related to Lyoko, however, something was softening in him, maybe it was the nostalgia for those good times, which actually outweighed the negatives and he had ended up agreeing to go to Odd's bar after much insistence in doing something like in the "old days", even though deep down he still thought that that probably there were waters that were better not to agitate...
"Whatever you want to drink, it's on the house...," Odd joked, "it's not every day we have such an illustrious visitor..."
He thanked the offer and when he only asked for a soda he thought it was a joke. Why would anyone take someone's refusal to drink alcohol well at first?
"No, I'm serious, I'm taking medication with quite specific contraindications...", he explained without giving further detail, but being clear with his motives.
He accepted the excuse and didn't press further, but watched him radically change his expression after a few minutes of small talk about life.
"Hello..."
He could recognize that voice anywhere and understood Odd's sudden change in mood.
"Hello...," he replied dryly.
He had noticed that he was not particularly effusive with Yumi. Without anyone asking he had taken sides and had been his and wasn't the affectionate thing he used to be with her in the past when they met.
"Hello..." he replied awkwardly, repeating the same greeting in a laconic manner. Something was going on there that wasn't quite coming together between Odd and Yumi. "How's your knee...?
He remembered the incident of a few weeks ago and that with the car's interior light he had seen that she had torn her pants. He had concluded that it had indeed been a hard fall, though she had not said a word.
"It's been through all the colors of the rainbow and it's fine now...", she smiled answering his question. "Did your cat understand the excuses...?
"No, but I don't think she really cared too much either, because she was still provisioned..." she replied, smiling. "I wasn't in serious trouble..."
"All right then...", she added.
"Yes..." he replied unsure how to continue.
If there was anyone indiscreet it was precisely the one who was witnessing this almost surreal conversation.
"What did I miss?" he asked, puzzled and clueless. "What fall and what cat are you talking about...?"
She didn't answer and looked relieved when she saw something in the background.
"I'll go with Aelita, excuse me...", she made her excuse and walked over to where her friend was sitting further away.
He waited until she was far enough away to reprimand him for his unfriendly behavior with Yumi.
"I don't know why you're so angry with her if it was me she left...," he reminded him. "I appreciate your moral support, but there's no need to create that atmosphere..."
"Man, she didn't just leave you, after breaking up with you she never contacted me again or gave me any signs of life, even though I wrote to her... we were friends or so I thought...", he confided, apparently resentful and hurt. "The consequence was that the group became too small until we stopped being one and became just individuals who once knew each other and I believed that we would be the exception to the rule..."
"It happens, it's just that life is like that...", he answered, assumed with that reality that seemed to be crude but true. "Sometimes paths diverge..."
"No, life isn't like that, you make of it what you want!" he got exalted and raised his voice a little.
Odd had always been an optimist and had that positive and striking attitude that at first instance when he met him seemed repellent, but he had learned to appreciate and admire how he had always pursued his dreams no matter how impossible they seemed, he kept believing that he could achieve them even when he failed more times than he succeeded. Shit, just considering trying and failing scared him... he didn't have that overconfidence that seemed so innate in him.
"Whatever..." he replied, trying to tone down the intensity of the moment. "I don't think that attitude is necessary, she's here now and we're working together for Aelita and Jeremie... and these disagreements can backfire."
Odd was processing his words and looked at him as if he was deeply analyzing what he just said.
"What the fuck happened to you, is it really you and not a polymorphic clone or some such crap…?" he questioned worriedly, "if you're the one clinging to the past like a tick"
It was true, but it was something I fervently wished to leave behind.
"I'm done with that," he folded his arms, somewhat annoyed. "Well, I'm trying and focusing on that..."
He nodded and interested in his words and with a more serious face, asked him the reason for his change in attitude.
"It's not so hard to separate things anymore..." he blurted out simply, shrugging his shoulders and downplaying something he had truly struggled to sort out. "I can't blame her anymore because my life isn't the way I want it to be... how was the shocking corny thing you just said, 'life is what you make of it' or how was it? I think you're absolutely right..."
Odd, his eyes widened, and he let out a chuckle, notoriously surprised to have heard something like that coming from him and hugged him by tapping him on the shoulder.
"Shit, and talking about violent changes, here comes Sissi...", he didn't even have to say it, one look and they both read each other's minds. "It seems that everything, and when I say everything, is possible..."
"It does make you hopeful, doesn't it?" he teasingly hinted. "It worked for me because after that reunion it was like I was exorcised..."
They laughed in complicity and Sissi came over to greet them, and a few seconds later Odd was called to solve a problem by one of his workers and they were left alone.
"Gee, what's with you guys, nobody's drinking anything interesting...I was looking forward to something strong...," she complained of the seemingly teetotal group.
"Surely Odd would be more than happy to grant that wish," he apologized for not indulging that simple whim. "I'm sorry I can't join you with that, but I can do it with anything less daring... I don't plan to move from here..."
She stared at him still and skeptical, as if trying to extract information, asked him to wait for her and returned to his side, with a large glass of juice of what appeared to be mango. They chatted about life, about her experience in India, how she had spent weeks sick to her stomach and how miserably useless she felt crying for the first few months because she couldn't handle what she saw, and he about the stranger events he had witnessed in the supermarket, the unusual situations of working directly with all kinds of people. A fairly bearable, mundane conversation that brought more than a smile to his face. He had gone with zero expectations and with the fixed thought of leaving as early as possible and hadn't looked at the clock at all so far that night.
"I know what's going on here...," she said suddenly and made a gesture with her hands that she had hit the nail on the head, and without saying it she articulated with her lips the word "antidepressants."
And she nodded, because she didn't think she had to deny it because it didn't embarrass him - though not to wear it as a banner either - and also because she herself had been the one who had mentioned that option to him. From there the conversation went on to the irritating side effects of some drugs at the beginning of treatments, which could be quite diverse and which really made them question whether it was really worth it.
"Cheers to that," she said playfully closing one eye on him.
"How did you figure out my reasons for not drinking?" he inquired, curious about her accurate guess.
She laughed, as if he had told her a joke, but she didn't think it was a funny question.
"You don't remember...?" she inquired curiously. "I spent much of my life looking only at you, Ulrich..."
I couldn't forget it, even if he wanted to. She had been really persistent-and even more insistent-reaffirming her interest in him. She never believed that she really wanted him, but because being a capricious child she was used to having it all, and his refusal was beyond her control and she wasn't used to people not falling for her manipulation.
"And you look a little different since the last time I saw you..." she blurted out in a softer voice, which made him have to lean in closer to hear her. "I don't know, like less tired, I don't know how to explain it, I just knew..."
He blushed. It was always flattering to have someone interested enough in his person to notice something that wasn't obvious to the naked eye. Besides, it came from a very beautiful woman.
"What if I told you that there was someone who wouldn't take his eyes off us would you believe me...?", Sissi suddenly consulted mischievously.
"And if you say that's who I think it is, I'd say that's the first stupid thing you've said all night..." he dismissed her attempt to create doubt of something that to him was an absolute truth out of hand. "That's a stale story."
"I'm not aware of what happens between you, but that she looked once may be, a second and even a third, but I've already lost count of all the times I've surprised her and if you don't believe me, when I point it out to you, quickly turn to your left and you'll see that it's true...", she said really amused, holding back her laughter. "Welcome back to adolescence..."
She signaled him after a while and indeed in doing so her eyes met Yumi's and he thought he saw a hint of annoyance in them, however, he did not think it possible, although he had to admit that looking right in his direction was suspicious because it was not a natural angle from her position.
"Coincidence," he replied and threw dirt on any insinuation she might make.
Sissi laughed and he didn't really find it funny.
"Coincidences don't exist, but causalities do...", she answered sure of what she was saying. "Clearly there is a reason for her not to stop looking this way and let me tell you, I don't think it's me..."
He fervently denied its implications.
"It's okay...", she agreed and understood that he did not want to talk more about it. "But since I'm not crazy and I also don't like to get involved in high school conflicts for free, we'd better go talk to the rest as well, I hadn't thought about us being like this it could be misunderstood..."
"Hey, what do you mean high school conflicts... and misunderstand what...?" he demanded, but she had already gotten up and was heading towards the table the others were at.
He looked at the time and it was later than he thought, so although he ended up approaching the table as well, it was just to say goodbye.
"How can you leave so soon, with all the trouble we had convincing Aelita that her work would still be there tomorrow and that nothing would happen if she left it for a few hours...", Odd added.
He knew it was true, that her dedication to work was the main constant in the Belpois family conflicts and she gave him a nodding smile. She had always provoked tenderness in him and the impossibility of denying her anything.
"It's true: if you leave, we all leave...", she said smiling coercing him in a passive-aggressive way and finally he accepted that cheap manipulation and decided that at some point he could slip out of the place without being noticed. It wasn't his intention to ruin the moment for anyone, but soon after Sissi took her leave and being less at the table the chances of accomplishing his task were diminishing and he understood that he could no longer when Odd arrived to sit down, determined not to attend to a single more problem and get involved in the conversation.
"Can we just talk about this new Sissi already, please, why do I have to be the first one to expose the issues I know we all want to talk about?
They all laughed and indeed none denied that it was false that assertion.
"Don't be mean!" said Aelita. "I really like this thoughtful, focused and altruistic Sissi..."
"That's exactly the point, Princess," Odd stressed. "I bet, if it had been like that from the beginning, Ulrich wouldn't have passed her by like he did and wouldn't have fallen in love with Yumi..."
Everyone knew how unfortunate he could be with that big mouth, but he had overdone it a bit. He had never made that kind of comment while Yumi was present, but Jeremie started to laugh, and Aelita followed him and Odd looked at him smiling in a pleading way that it had not been with any bad intentions.
"But you know, deep down I'm not that surprised..." he suddenly added, giving her more credit than the others were giving her. "Many times she proved that she could be helpful and keep a cool head in complex situations... I think in some ways she always had the judgment only she leaned to the dark side to protect herself..."
Everyone stared at him and he realized he had talked too much, and blushed.
"Looks like Sissi has a fan...", Odd joked.
He had made a mistake in saying the above, because the interrogation did not stop after that comment.
"Now that you mention it we did see them conversing quite at ease...", he insinuated with a very annoying intonation to his ears.
He wanted to hit him, because he was already abusing his tolerance. As if simply having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex involved anything more than an exchange of words or a pleasant conversation with a lifelong acquaintance.
"Odd, that's really stupid...," he told him quickly. "Because I'm not you to begin with..."
"Now, the truth...", Aelita interrupted in her soft voice, "is that I also want to know what you were talking about... it looked like you were on a very fluid date..."
"And so am I...", Jeremie added, adjusting his glasses.
Everyone, with the exception of Yumi, was looking directly at him. They were very interested to know what the conversation they had been having was all about. A bunch of nosy people.
"Well, about life stuff...", he answered indirectly, without giving details.
"Yeah, if that's what I imagine...," Odd replied.
"Hey, you're creating false scenarios in those little heads..." he dismissed curtly. "She just wanted to clear her head for a while, after all it must be hard to see someone you love be so sick and not be able to do much more than watch them weaken..."
She didn't mention it, but that was his perception from talking to her. One thing he had learned from working in a supermarket where all kinds of people showed up and he had to deal with was that there were people who didn't say things, yet somehow conveyed them.
"Shit now I feel depressed...", the blond said.
"That's what you get for being nosy...", Yumi stuck out her voice.
"Me? My dear Yumi...", Odd joked. "If it was you who couldn't stop looking at them..."
Sissi had mentioned it, he himself had witnessed it and so had Odd. He watched her for a second and even in the dim lights of the place he could see her blush and cross her arms, in a position his therapist told him was known to be a defensive one.
"That's true...", Aelita added treacherously.
Yumi gave him a withering look that had terrified him more than once in the past, but seemed not to affect her in the least.
Why did they insist on taking the conversation to a terrain that was not comfortable for them? It was impossible for them not to know, and it was because of things like that that he thought it was not a good idea to meet with them just for fun.
"Ulrich, these people aren't going to stop until they see us having a conversation because that's what they think we should do," Yumi said seriously, getting straight to the point. "Let's give them in the pleasure so they'll leave us alone once and for all...?
He was somewhat shocked to hear her address him, but nodded. He saw Yumi get up from her chair and watched as everyone was stunned by what had just happened and when he looked for her again she was already on the path that led to the exit of the enclosure. She looked back to see if he was coming and hurried to take the last sip, which he regretted because he had no gas left and it was lukewarm, and looked one last time at Odd and Aelita who did not believe they had provoked that situation.
He came out of the bar and saw her rearranging her clothes and made a gesture with which she asked him which way they could go and he indicated to go to the right.
"They're never going to grow up, even if they get old...", Ulrich complained and heard her laugh. "It's okay if you just wanted to get away from that direct attack, I get it... sometimes Odd is so..."
"It's not just Odd, it's also Aelita and even Jeremie..." she added. "Because I already know that he recorded me and that he sent it to you... he told me."
"And you're not mad?" he asked curiously.
"I felt betrayed..." she confessed, with some grief. " Though I understood that he did it because he wanted to force this situation because he thinks we need this... just as I also know that you didn't get to hear what he sent you..."
He felt his heart suddenly stop. How did she know...?
"How can you know whether I did or not?" he inquired in surprise.
"Because that's not who you are..." she explained matter-of-factly. "You respect other people's privacy because that's what you expect them to do with you..."
Hearing her speak with such certainty about what he was or wasn't like did generate barely contained rage in him.
"It's funny that I can't have that certainty about what you would or wouldn't do..." he blurted out suddenly. "Because sometimes I think I never knew who you really were and I think I idealized you to the point that I lost sight of the real Yumi and only saw the one I wanted to see..."
She was noticeably shocked by his words.
"But I already told you, if you feel any amount of guilt, if I somehow made you feel like you owed me something, even this pending conversation for me ceased to be a topic... Now let's get back to the others so they can stop creating stupid theories about us; let's not give them that power or they won't stop messing with us..."
"What you didn't get to hear..." she insisted, her voice cracking, as if she hadn't heard what he had just told her. "Do you want to know?"
He wanted to, but it also scared him. That was the last unfinished business they had. After that there really wouldn't be any more...
"And why now and not four years ago...?" he questioned her times.
"Because I'm no longer the same person who decided that and I feel we owe it to each other... and I'm sure you also have things to tell me...", she dared again to speak for him.
"And what makes you think I still care...?" he blurted out angrily, otherwise he probably would have been overcome with sadness.
"You're here, aren't you, you could have refused to come... and yet now you can leave," she pointed out with obviousness. "I'm not holding you back by force..."
She was right. At that point the healthy thing to do was to accept that she would never be indifferent to him. For him she had been the one he had held most dear for far too long.
"Did you really care about us, Yumi?" he queried doubtful that this was true.
It was hard for him to look her straight in the eye, however, it was not something he could ask her simply by looking at the sky.
"Even if you question it, everything that relates to you matters to me...", she didn't hesitate for a second to answer. "Do you really not know who I am that you ask me something that I find almost offensive...?
His survival instinct was telling him that he was walking on minefield, because the conversation was going into unknown and quite risky terrain.
"When I think of you I just don't know...," he expressed somewhat melancholy, "because when I see you I feel like I do... and that's so confusing..."
That was the feeling she generated in him: confusion, and he didn't like it. The instability frightened him because it had taken him to really dark places that he wasn't looking to revisit, but that not facing, oddly enough, he was also aware that it could have the same effect.
"Life was simpler when if we made a mistake we could simply go back to the past, learn the lesson and make the right decision when the time came again when everything started to go wrong..." she said in a disenchanted tone.
He had also thought about it many times. He had learned to be a better person by having the advantage of being wrong and then making up for it, however, he could no longer simply undo what had already happened and all that remained was to face the consequences.
"And what time would you like to go back to?" he wanted to know, curious.
They had kept a more than prudent distance until then, however, she decreased it and when he felt her warm hand on his cheek, groping his beard he was overcome by a sensation he knew well but had almost forgotten. That closeness was making him lethargic and he wasn't sure he could escape if he needed to.
"To the day when I started keeping quiet about how I really felt because it caused me to start building up a lot of anger toward you," she finally stated. "That was the moment I decided to give up on our relationship."
He had waited for a long time for her to come along and tell him just that, but he no longer believed that they would have had a different ending, perhaps one with a better development, but not a different outcome.
"And what do you think it would have changed?" he inquired, barely coming out of the stupor of being so close to each other. "I think that, even though you probably would have told me, I would have failed and you would have left anyway."
It was true, when the therapist had told him that he was too self-centered he understood that maybe many times Yumi had suffered at his side, and he had not noticed it because he was too busy with his own feelings. She had told him that usually women mourned while in the relationship and that when they made the decision to step aside, they hardly ever took it back.
"Possibly..." she admitted, smiling, at his unexpected sincerity, "but I only contributed to things ending up blowing up that way and I feel that something so special didn't deserve that end..."
Maybe that had been the worst of it all, and I agreed with her. Not just that they had ended up parting, but rather the manner had been rather violent.
"But I guess while you were deciding that you didn't want to be with me anymore you didn't think that after we were done we would be friends, did you?" he inquired doubtful that that stupid idea had crossed his mind as a possibility.
"It is amazing to think that you came from another nation, and I from another continent and we met in this country which was neither of us's land... " she added almost raving. "How improbable was our meeting at the time of our birth...?
"Yumi... you were never just my friend, so don't go asking to be now, because that's not going to happen," he cut her off rambling, thinking that was where it was that the matter was headed.
She stared at him blankly, so he couldn't go ahead and prepare for her response.
"I'm glad you brought that up, because what I was going to tell you was just the opposite..." she replied incisively, but at the same time also blushing noticeably. "Do you want to spend the night with me...?
To be continued
Thank you so mush for your time