Chapter Warnings:
brief mention of death/dying, brief mention of deadly wounds; anxiety
Next Update: May 1st
14. Pre Battle Interlude
A couple hours later, Sascha was sitting alone on the porch stairs down to the backyard again, carving away at another stone. Slowly but surely it was turning into a small turtle. After the others had been sure Sascha was stable enough, Rosalie had gone to the garage to work on her car and Alice had left not too long after to go to Bella's house and prepare the latter's alibi with her father. Since Bella wasn't the best at lying, and Chief Swan trusted Edward as far as he could throw him, it was best for Alice and her chipper charisma to take the wheel. Sascha snorted to herself, imagining a grovelling and stuttering Edward trying to set up the alibi instead.
Her ears perked up when she heard cars approaching on the forest road. She stayed in her zone though. They were still a good distance away. And it felt good to put her pent up energy and nerves to practical use. She couldn't wait to get back to her workshop. Did it still exist? If so, it was probably covered in dust by now. Or maybe her father had gone there to clean for her every now and then. Of course - she shook her head at herself. A stupid question. They did share a workshop after all. Another question replaced her musings quickly.
Would she even be able to work with her tools still? Carving the little stone in her hand with her fingernails, she questioned if she even still needed them. Either way, she would probably need to learn their usage again. Adjust the force that she needed to work with. And, shaking her head to herself with a smile, she had to admit, she had been struggling with that even before turning. That would definitely be testing her patience in the future. At the latest when she tried her hands at working with wood again. She could already see herself clawing her eyes out.
„How are you?"
Sascha gasped loudly and almost dropped the stone from her hands. „God, Jasper, why?" She turned around to look at the guy in question. He stood in the door, posture tight and arms behind his back.
„I thought you'd heard me."
„I zoned out, I was too concentrated on this." Sascha lifted the turtle in her hands for him to see.
He nodded in recognition. Then he inhaled deeply, and took a seat next to her. „We need to talk."
Sascha sighed heavily and set her project aside. „Yeah, I figured."
„What happened today is completely understandable, but it can't happen on the battlefield."
„It won't."
„And how do you know that? This isn't just about you and your closure. It's about my family. And we can't afford liabilities like this."
Sascha felt bitterness rise up in her throat, even though she understood his point. How could she make him understand that it wouldn't happen during battle? „I didn't have a single panic attack when I was in that place. It won't… it won't happen during the battle."
„And what if you're wrong?"
„Then…", Sascha thought for a moment, then let out a bitter scoff. „Then just let them rip me to shreds if I lose an arm again."
Jasper groaned, rising suddenly from the stairs and walked a few paces to the yard. Visibly frustrated. „I don't appreciate repeating myself. This is not a joke."
„I wasn't joking."
Silence grew between the two. Sascha looked at the ground between her feet and picked at her fingers for a few moments. She wished she could just ignore for a moment that she completely saw where he was coming from, so she could argue her own point properly. She didn't want to get stuck in an internal debate spiral. It was annoying.
Some seconds passed, then Sascha rose to her feet and stepped over to his side. „Look. I don't know how to give you some kind of… definite, 100% proof that it won't happen. Nothing other than the fact that you don't know me as well as I do", she put a hand on his shoulder, „I give you my word, Jasper."
Jasper turned to face her. „Under one condition."
Sascha bit back her remark, and chose to merely nod.
„I don't know where you learned, and I don't expect you to tell me. But I know you know how to fight. Properly. I know you were holding back. And when the time comes you can't afford to do that. We can't afford that."
Sascha listened closely while he talked. Impressed by his observance. But then again, she shouldn't be surprised anymore. She gave him what she hoped looked like a reassuring nod. „I'll do whatever I can."
„I need you to promise me." There was something vulnerable in his voice. The tiniest hint of fragility behind his guarded eyes.
Sascha grabbed his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. „I promise." She let go again and went back over to the porch, dropping down on the lowest step of the stairs. „I can't wait for all this to be over. I just want the heavy topics to finally stop."
Jasper nodded with a sigh. „I second that." He moved to stand next to her, both their eyes fixed on the tree line. „How are you feeling, though?"
„Eh…", Sascha shrugged, „better again. It's just all so very messy. In my head, and everything else." She let her head drop to lean against his leg.
„I hope it will get better for you. After all this. Some rest."
„Same to you." She had only picked up bits and pieces. But the Cullens were not spared from messy situations. Neither as a whole, nor individually it seemed.
Jasper gave her an appreciative smile. Small, but it was there. The upcoming days were weighing on all of them. „It seems every day is messy in a vampire's existence."
„I'll refuse the mess. Out of spite."
The two shared a light laugh.
Jasper shook his head, smiling. „I do believe that, without a doubt."
A comfortable silence engulfed them then. Not like before. Though she could still feel the tension in the air. She couldn't point out exactly whether it was just her own nerves, or if it came off Jasper. Maybe from the others in the house. It was most likely a combination of it all.
So it seemed good to take a moment to just be. Take a breath. Of course every second was crucial, and could be used for training or other kinds of physical preparation. Sascha found it relieving that the overall consensus was that mental preparation and time to collect oneself was just as important.
The following days… would come, no matter what they did. So would the army. And Sascha wanted to believe it would turn out okay. These people, the Cullens, her new found friends, they'd gone through so much already. She had gone through her own issues and struggles, even before she had been turned. Of course none ever felt like they could compare in magnitude to what she found herself confronted with now. Then again, every struggle or obstacle that came her way had felt that way - bigger, almost insurmountable - compared to what had come before.
She wanted to trust that the Cullens would be getting through this. She refused to think about an alternate result. She figured… if it came to that, she'd face the consequences of it in the moment. Not agonise over it beforehand. There was enough of that going around already.
„I learned in my aunt's school, by the way."
Jasper looked down at her with a confused noise.
„My aunt teaches mixed martial arts. I learned from her", Sascha sat straight again and smirked up at him. „There's no big story of how I know how to fight. But thanks for respecting my privacy."
And there it was. His lopsided smirk. Finally.
„I am a gentleman after all."
„Mhm, sure you are."
„Careful." Jasper playfully reached to whack the back of her head, but Sascha quickly vanished from the stairs and stood in front of him. „Oh, now you find your reflexes?"
„Never lost them."
The two laughed with each other, playfully, almost child-like, pushing against each other in a mock fight. Then, they heard a car's engine rev in the distance. Alice's cue. And all of theirs that it was time for dinner.
It felt like the following night and day went by in a complete blur. After their more than fulfilling hunt, it had taken them all night to power up as much as possible, Edward, Bella and Jacob had set off for their part of the plan and used the day to journey up the snowy mountains. Edward had of course left on his own, while Bella had been carried off by Jacob. All according to plan.
Sascha had tried to apologise for not being able to help Edward the way he had intended, but to her surprise he had waved her off and apologised himself for even asking so much of her. For all his more than annoying traits, Sascha did have to admit to finding herself surprised by his depth from time to time. Of course he had still been in „mental hearing range" and shot her an irritated look over his shoulder before speeding into the forest.
The Cullens and her had agreed on all doing what they deemed most important for themselves before the battle. If that meant quality time, training, or other kinds of preparation, was up to each of them individually. It was a dreadful situation hurtling towards them. And nobody should have a word against it if two loved ones or a family wanted to spend the last few hours before it together, if one of them were to fall. Which of course would not happen, Sascha kept repeating to herself.
Rosalie and Emmett had chosen to spend their time alone. Not that they didn't spend a lot of their time as a twosome already, but Emmett didn't need any more training for his strength anyway, and Rosalie would probably not be able to change much about her abilities either. Esme had joined Carlisle in his study. He had decided to prepare some documents concerning his work at the local hospital and his life's work that filled his study.
True to character, Jasper had wanted to train and spar before it all went down. Sascha could have sworn that he was just able to stop himself from saying they needed to 'warm up'. And Sascha knew herself well enough to know she would have had to keep herself from simply dipping herself in dark humour again and reply with 'only fire can help there'. What a humane slip up was to one, was self-deprecating humour to the other, right?
No.
Not good, Sascha.
Alice had agreed to join. Sascha reckoned she didn't really care for more training, but she wanted to spend time with him too. Understandable. Sascha had promised to join a little later and excused herself to her designated room.
And there she found herself sitting at the desk, pen in hand, staring at a blank piece of paper. After everything that had happened, and not knowing what would happen the coming day, she wanted to make sure that some form of her was returning to her father at least. Despite her repressing the possibility, she was acutely aware of what they were about to face. She knew there was a chance of her dying… So she wanted to make sure, that even if she wasn't going to make it back, then her words would reach her father. He'd still have her explanation for things, and not someone else's. And at least this way she could control what kind of lie he, and the rest of her friends and family, would be getting. If she wasn't going to make it, she would definitely be sparing them the truth. And give them something that she hoped would aid them in their mourning.
The words came easily to her after a few sentences. The emotions welled up inside her as she wrote, suddenly feeling it hit her like a brick how much she was missing her father. How badly she wanted to hear her friends' voices again. Their laughs. Feel their hugs. Or be informed about her grandma's latest gossip from her monthly card-game round with her friends.
Sascha eased up on her writing intensity after she had pressed right through the paper more than once. This entire vampire thing was really a hassle to get used to.
She signed the letter to her father and then hesitated for a few moments. She picked another sheet then and started writing again. For all they had done for her, the Cullens also deserved some final words if she wasn't going to be able to say them herself. Just a precaution. She addressed the family as a whole, but also each member individually, including Bella. Even if she hadn't spent an equal amount of time with everyone, they still had made her time with them memorable each in their own way.
When she finally felt satisfied and like it was all said, she wrapped both letters in individual envelopes before putting them both in one bigger one. She put it on her desk with the turtle she had actually been able to finish. She reckoned, if she were to fall, they'd probably come into the room at some point. At least to… sort out her clothes. They would find the letter.
Sascha had joined Jasper and Alice as promised, going through some last cycles with them and working on periphery reactive moves which they could use during combat. Sascha had also asked them to stand in for her place-switching, even if she could feel the uncomfortableness tugging strongly at her for using the gift again. But she had no choice. She couldn't let a phobia settle itself in and block her from using that ability. And, since she needed to know before the fight, she had wanted to figure out how many times in what span of time she could actually switch places before it tore her apart again.
Doing it consciously in that moment, she had been able to feel a certain strain on her muscles, building up with quick reps of switching. She guessed that it was what had caused her to burst. She was putting too much strain on her body. Jasper and Alice had agreed that her logic was sound. After a good hour or two of trying to exactly pinpoint the sensation and her limits, Sascha had felt a little more confident about using it in battle. If she couldn't make sure that some newborn tore through her, she at least wanted to make sure she wouldn't do it to herself.
And when the sun was starting to rise again, Sascha noticed something again so prominently, it almost made her startle. It was weird to not have a real end and start to a day anymore. Sascha had thought so on multiple occasions already. That particular sunrise was the most off putting one yet.
Alice noticed her moment of hesitation and followed her eyes to the shy light trickling through the trees. „It's time."
The trio shared a tense look. It felt like the air was becoming thick. Almost as though you could break it with a snap. Sascha was sure, if she still could, she would be getting goosebumps right now. The bad kind. The cold kind.
Sascha took a deep breath, trying to stabilise her nerves and herself. „I'll quickly go change into some other clothes." She really didn't fancy going to what felt like war in a hoodie with mushrooms on.
Jasper nodded, a grim shadow settling on his features. „We'll gather the others."
Sascha quickly sped up to her room, tore her clothes off and changed into new ones. Dark, fitted, not loose. She didn't need to get tangled in her own sleeves. Yes, it had happened before. She was out the door again in less than 5 seconds.
She was just about to skip back downstairs, when she came to an abrupt stop in front of a mirror hanging in the hallway, above a small sideboard with flowers and candles for decoration. She heard a door opening in the corridor.
„What's holding you up, Sherlock?"
„Look." Sascha, despite the situation that was looming over their heads, shot Emmett a beaming smile.
Emmett pulled the door to his and Rosalie's room shut and looked at her in confusion, stepping closer. But only for a moment before his smile mirrored hers and he pulled her in for a crushing side hug. „Aww, now you're really one of us."
Sascha let out a breathy laugh as she looked back into the mirror. Into her golden eyes. If she were to be a colour nerd, sure yes, a red tinge was still hidden somewhere in the colour spectrum, making it the tiniest bit of a rose gold, but she chose to ignore it. She hadn't really looked into a mirror much during her time at the Cullens' house. Her reflection still made her uneasy. This, however, made her feel a different kind of happiness. Grounded.
Emmett suddenly grabbed her by her upper arms, lifted her off the ground as if she weighed less than a feather and sped downstairs with her, joining the others waiting for them. He held her up like a trophy. „Behold-"
„Emmett put me down!"
„-the newest addition to the goodie two shoes Gold-eye-Clan."
Sascha swatted at Emmett's hands with an uncomfortable laugh, which finally made him drop her. This was not the time, and even if it were, did he want her to die of embarrassment?
Esme approached her with a fond smile and cupped her cheek with one hand, a thumb caressing her cheek bone. „It suits you."
There was so much more meaning behind those words, and Sascha could feel it. Esme wasn't just talking about the eyes.
Sascha put her hand over Esme's, venom burning behind her eyes. „Thank you."
„Alright, I need a hug. Now." Alice spread out her arms demandingly, eyes closed and waiting. She was addressing everybody.
And, even if there was some head shaking, they all complied. Without hesitation. Sascha snuggled in between Emmett and Alice. Soaking up the emotions of bonding and care. Despite what was going to happen, despite the uncertainty and absolute pain her transition into this life had given her, she felt content and grateful that it at least let her meet these people. This family.
End Notes:
Heyy - I'm sorry for posting a few days later than planned. I'm afraid I have to stretch out posting times again. I still have a few chapters in store before we reach the one I am currently writing on - but I do feel like I need to give myself the time buffer in order to not feel too pressured and blocking myself mentally from being able to continue writing well. Even if the pressure is solely self made I hope you guys can understand ✨ I am forever grateful for your patience~
I hope you liked this chapter. As always, I'd be happy to hear about your thoughts and opinions in the comments~
Also: thank you to the guest who left a comment on the previous chapter - I am happy you appreciate my humour! heheh it fills me with joy
Take care, everyone. Have a nice day 💕
Next Update: May 1st
Posted: 26.03.23
Last Edit: 26.03.23