Chapter Warnings:

Brief mentions of abduction, forced fighting, (emotional) trauma

21. Sharing

„You will use the phone we gave you right?"

Sascha laughed as Alice squeezed her into a hug even more. „The phone is not the issue - this sim card plan you whipped up for me is… wild."

„But", Alice leaned back, brows in a deep frown as she glared up at her, „you will use it?"

„I know better than to refuse your endeavours."

The smile that erupted on Alice's face put the sun to shame. „Then I don't feel so sad about saying goodbye."

„Only goodbye for now", Sascha repeated, and quickly pulled Alice into a hug again. These very same words had been echoing in her head all day. For now.

„Of course." And eventually they pulled apart.

Sascha looked toward the entrance door. Carlisle, who she had already had her parting words with, was talking to her father about how best to handle the police in the following days. Of course they had talked about everything in great detail already - but some points couldn't be highlighted enough. And of course Lars was still more than overwhelmed by everything that was going on. Though he and Carlisle, Sascha found herself noticing again, got along splendidly.

Alice's quick peck to her cheek pulled Sascha back to the moment. She managed a warm smile, before Alice skipped over to Carlisle and Lars, immediately charming the latter with her cheerfulness. A gift in and of itself.

So, finally, Sascha turned to Jasper who had busied himself observing the few pictures that Lars had put up around the living room.

„My friend", Sascha spoke, to which he turned expectantly, and spread her arms widely, „Come on, it's your turn."

He readily accepted her offer in his ever so quiet manner, embracing Sascha in a way that made her feel warm. They had gotten so close, in such a short time. Trauma dumping all over the place. She smiled to herself at the thought. It really felt wrong to leave.

„I'll let it slide", his murmur got her out of her head yet again.

„Hm?"

„You're masking. But I'm not going to comment on it", he leaned back to look at her, a smirk, small, yet so teasing, it made the air shift, „for your sake."

„For my sake?", Sascha scoffed, not being able to hide the laugh, „Well what a good job you did."

„I aim to please."

„Now look who is masking."

He gently stroked her cheekbone with his knuckle. „That's for my sake."

„Aren't we a pair."

They shared a laugh and leaned in to give each other a tight hug again. Sascha rocked them both from side to side a little, making Jasper shake his head ever so slightly. She giggled, feeling comforted in a way. Content. She would have to remember this moment. To remind her that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't naive to believe that it would be okay. No matter how dark things could get - those, too, would pass.

„I wish for your pain to cease soon."

Sascha hummed, still swaying the both of them. It was a gentle comfort. Realistic enough to not disregard the struggle, hopeful enough to ensure her it wasn't impossible to overcome.

„Thank you."

„And if you need anything, we- I am only a phone call away."

Sascha tightened her embrace around Jasper, which he reciprocated, and nodded quickly. Eyes burning. She didn't want this moment to end.

Alas… Reluctantly, she willed her arms to unwind themselves from him. It wasn't going to get her anywhere to prolong the farewells. It would be unpleasant just the same. Jasper moved his hands to hold her around her upper arms gently.

„I'm going to shoo you away now. Otherwise I'm not going to let you go."

Jasper chuckled, grin as lopsided as ever, and squeezed her arms affectionately. „You say that like it's a bad thing."

„It's not", a simple statement that came to her as naturally as taking a breath. She saw her smile mirrored on his own face, a twinkle in his eyes. She reached her left hand up to touch his on her arm. „Take care of yourself, Jazz."

His smile softened at the mention of his nickname. „You too, darling."

Sascha gave his hand a squeeze, before leading him to the group by the door. Alice clicked into action immediately, taking it into her own hands to initiate a tactful goodbye. Sascha let it happen, smiled only, nodding appreciatively at the pleasantries exchanged between them and her father. She examined her three companions one more time in as much detail as she could - darn the contacts burning in her irises.

Alice's laugh, Carlisle's calming voice, Jasper's aura altogether. The others had told her her memory would near perfection from now on. She was curious to put it to the test. And it would never be enough. She would miss them dearly. In fact, she was already missing them. She would really have to learn to appreciate a moment as it was happening.

Well - she would have enough time. She shook her head slightly, drawing her focus back to the scene in front of her.

Sascha made herself start moving slowly when Lars shook Carlisle's hands one last time, thanking him again for everything they had done. She put her hand on Lars' shoulder, shifting the attention to herself briefly.

„I'll bring you guys to the car."

„Alright", Alice quickly moved to link her arm with Sascha's, a skip in her step, and with a chorus of goodbyes and well wishes they left Lars waiting at the door. Sascha didn't fault him for not letting her out of his sight. She would do the same.

„Do you think it will be fine?", Alice whispered so Lars wouldn't hear, „With more humans and new smells around?"

Sascha nodded. It hadn't been a struggle to her at all, she realised with a start. She had almost forgotten about it altogether. „I reckon Bella's constant presence was more helpful than expected."

„If it should get too much, there's no shame in calling us to help, or to arrange a situation for you to get some distance from humans for a while", Carlisle added, and Sascha turned her head to look at him and Jasper walking behind them. Carlisle smiled warmly. They came to a step at the boot of the car.

„I promise."

Carlisle squeezed her shoulder in the affectionate way he always did to those close to him, gave her another nod, and finally slipped into the passenger seat of the car, busying himself with seemingly setting up the navigation system.

Alice untwisted her arm from Sascha's and instead wrapped it around her waist to pull Sascha close to her. „I will start texting you from the road to make sure you're actually going to use your phone."

Sascha hugged her back with a laugh. „Please do - I will need distraction."

„We will see each other again soon, anyway", Alice then cocked her head to the side a little, „I think."

„You think?"

„Decisions are fickle, it's not so clear to me, but it shouldn't be too long."

Sascha hummed with a smile, sharing a look with Jasper too. „That's a relief."

Alice leaned back then, a hint of sadness in her eyes despite her happy tone, and nodded once with a deep breath. „Give us so many updates that we won't even notice you're not there."

„I will do my best."

„That's enough." Alice smiled again, and took a dance-ish step back, keeping one of Sascha's hands in hers in a dramatic way until she was too far away and had to let go to skip to the side of the car to enter, making Sascha giggle softly. It was for a show, but also not so much. Alice loved movement.

„I sure hope your number has been put into my phone as well", Sascha said as she looked to her right where Jasper was standing, „Well, all of yours, really."

„I think I saw Alice even set up a group chat." As if on command, they heard the vibration of his phone, which Jasper fished out of his pocket. He rolled his eyes in amusement and showed the screen to Sascha. „See?"

Received message from: Alice at Olymp

Sure did!

Alice giggled happily in the car, eyes fixed on her phone. It was a strange sight, Sascha suddenly realised. They had never been on phones really. It hadn't been necessary. Sascha almost felt out of touch with technology in that moment. Well, it would be the easiest thing to get accustomed to again. Without a doubt.

„Good", Sascha nodded approvingly as Jasper pocketed his phone again. She felt her head meet a blockage in the same moment. There was nothing left to do or say or stall really, and she didn't know what to do with herself next. She didn't want them to go, but it was necessary. For now, she repeated to herself. Her mind was going in circles. She shifted her weight on her feet and sighed heavily. „I'm horrid at saying goodbyes."

„Then don't", Jasper simply replied and gently pulled her into another hug. He leaned his head down slightly, so his mouth was right next to her ear, „We'll see each other soon, remember?"

His murmur was so low and soft, only she could've heard it. And with these words, Sascha could also feel a blanket of calm - it wasn't artificial though. It didn't come from his gift, it came from him. She nodded her head into his shoulder.

„Good", he mirrored her words softly, and then, as he pulled away, pressed his lips to her temple in a short, gentle peck. It moved something insight of her, something hidden, something living and warm.

It felt… like an echo of a memory. Even if that didn't make any sense. She wanted to feel it again

Jasper leaned back fully and let one of his hands brush down her arm to grasp her hand reassuringly.

Sascha nodded again. „See you soon then."

„See you soon, darling."

Reluctantly, she relaxed her hand to let his go and took a step back as Jasper slipped into the passenger seat. While Carlisle pulled the car onto the street, Sascha walked backwards to the front door of her father's house, stopping when she felt his warmth behind her. He put a hand on her shoulder.

Sascha waved after them, they had already turned their heads toward her, Alice rolled down the window too to lean outside, all of them waving back at her. Sascha pressed her lips together, her smile quickly being pulled down as she tried to compose herself. Something was tugging inside of her, in her stomach, at the back of her head, everywhere really.

She had experience with a similar feeling, from when she was a few years younger and had realised that her future would not play out in the city she was born in. This yearning for somewhere else. Fernweh. As the Cullen's car pulled around the first corner, and her arm dropped to her side again, it felt similar, but still distinctively different. Yearning for something.

„They seem like great people."

Sascha hummed in reply. „They really are."

„Let's get back inside." Lars moved to let her go in first.

As Sascha walked back through the door, she felt incredibly on the spot. Both small and too big in this familiar and somehow new environment. She stood in the small entry area, yet again not knowing what to do with herself. Luckily, the sound of the front door shutting reminded her that her mind racing for what had felt like minutes had passed was only true to her own perception of time. She let her shoulders drop in relief when Lars walked past her into the living room and followed after him after she quickly kicked off her shoes by the shoe cabinet.

The living room didn't look much different than it had before. An open, L shaped room with the kitchen around the right corner, warm brown laminate floor, a nice dark brown dinner table for four people to the right, a dark green, L shaped sofa to the left with a small coffee table of the same wood as the dinner table, opposite a sideboard to complete the wood look and a TV mounted to the wall. Sascha smiled. The dinner table and side board had been her father's work, the coffee table was hers. Her fingers almost tingled at the memory of it.

What saddened her… the flowers she had frequently left at his place, adding to the few he had gotten on his own, were all… dead. Dried up leaves in the bigger pots on the floor were the only proof of plant life having ever occupied the space. Dust collected on the surfaces, the carpet in front of the sofa had one edge folded up. He had never found the need to straighten it. The dinner table was covered with plates, cups, mostly though with stray papers, folders, notes. The more she looked around, the more she noticed the less than small signs of hopelessness that had clung to these walls.

Lars noticed her looking around then. „I'm sorry for the mess, I didn't have the t-"

Sascha interrupted him by pulling him into another hug. „Papa please", she felt horrible to see his shame for the state of things.

„I guess it's not so important anyway, right?" His voice cracked slightly at the end. He sniffed as he tightened his hold around Sascha.

„It's really not", She stroked his back softly, „It's not like either of us were ever really tidy in the first place."

Lars breathed out a watery laugh. „You're not wrong."

„We can clean up later together."

„You should not!", Lars leaned back quickly, eyebrows raised in alarm, „You should rest, no? You- you- I don't think-"

Sascha smiled a little while her father was stammering and almost fussing all over her. It was a rare sight. She chose to just wait and let him get the words out. There was probably a lot stuck in his system, too.

After a few seconds, he finally released a heavy sigh, and pinched the bridge of his nose with closed eyes. He was getting there. „How are you, Sascha? What do you need? Do you need some water? Tea? I can check if-"

„How about we go to the kitchen, and have a tea together? Even just hot water is okay."

„I think I have some tea… somewhere."

Sascha giggled at his own uncertainty, feeling oddly like - if this were a normal situation - she had just gotten a glimpse into her father's youth. How he might have been just after graduating school. She leaned against the counter separating the kitchen and dining area, looking curiously as Lars searched through the cupboards, muttering to himself. And soon enough, the kettle clicked to announce the water was ready, and Sascha cupped her mug of camomile tea. She pondered for a moment if she should dare to drink it. It would have to come out later… She shrugged to herself. She would just time it with a pretend break to the restroom.

Lars stirred his teabag for a short moment. Sascha pursed her lips at his tired movements, worry pulling at her brows. She had a mind to try and get Victoria back to life to kill her a second time herself. And Riley.

„Do you want to sit back down?"

„No, it's fine. The car ride was enough sitting for a while."

Lars nodded, pushing his mug to the side a little to lean his forearms on the counter. He inhaled, ready to say something, but then stopped himself. His mouth was twitching ever so slightly, probably trying to find the words, with none of them being good enough to come out.

„What is it?"

„I just… can't believe you're here. And I am so happy that you are. And I just want to know what happened to you, but at the same time I don't… To be honest, Sascha, I don't know how to handle this right now."

„Me neither", Sascha's voice was low. It felt weird, awkward almost in the most unnecessary way. The reunion itself had been easy. It seemed like the hard part was after. „I don't mind… talking about it, if you're worried about that."

Lars looked at her with pained eyes. „Are you sure?"

„Well", Sascha shrugged, possibly a little too casually, „I've had to talk about it to the others and the police before - multiple times. It's not so fresh anymore that it rips everything open really, you know?"

„That makes sense", he trailed off, looking at his hands.

„And also", Sascha waited until Lars looked at her again, „I reckon you're stuck in one horror scenario after the other. What happened isn't easy to digest at all, but I want to get it out of the way so we can both move on."

Lars was nodding along to what she was saying, and with each sentence, his brows pulled together a little more, his eyes turning glassy.

And so Sascha started telling him what happened. The version that he was allowed to hear at least. The kidnapping part itself remained, any and all aspects of vampires was removed, naturally. Sascha and the others having been forced to fight to train was instead reframed to them having had to fight for the captors' entertainment and to receive food and water. By this point Lars had abandoned his tea, and had taken to pacing around the kitchen slowly, wringing his hands in an attempt to compose himself.

Instead of escaping over night, in this version, Sascha had escaped during the night, had followed along water where she had reached a bridge to the other side. She had just kept walking, with breaks and slow, not stopping in any other city or town first in fear of the kidnappers following after her, for a couple of days, until she had collapsed in a forest. She had woken up in the Cullen's house after, they had found her on a hike.

The Cullens had tried to urge Sascha to go to the police, but she had refused, too afraid of anyone finding her, or people who were close or related to her being involved. Until Carlisle had offered to hire a private investigator, who then had gotten in contact with both the Forks and Seattle police department. At that point it had also been advised to Sascha to stay low until the situation would deescalate or be resolved by the police. Though she had been allowed her phone call with Lars. During that waiting period, she had gotten counselling and physical therapy at the Cullen house.

Sascha felt out of touch with herself while talking. As though this all had happened to someone else, not her. She caught herself in some flashes in which words would leave her mouth and she had to concentrate to get herself back into the moment. Back into a shape where she was speaking, not just letting it happen on autopilot. At some point, Lars stood back at the counter reached across to grasp her hands, clutching at her in a tortured, frozen state.

„When it all calmed down enough, we were able to make the next arrangements and now", Sascha cleared her throat as she choked on her own words, „and now I'm here."

Lars was not breathing really, Sascha could hear. He was clenching his jaw, still holding her hands, and rocked himself back and forth a little. Taking in the words Sascha had given him. Slowly, he curled in on himself and rested his forehead against their hands. An eternal second stretched in utter silence, until a deep, wretched sob finally broke out of her father.

He started muttering, so quietly, so mumbled together with his sobs, Sascha wasn't able to make out what exactly he was trying to say at first. Then-

„Sorry."

He kept repeating it. Over and over again. His sobbing getting more and more desperate, their hands already covered with his tears. He didn't raise his head to look her in the eyes and Sascha wasn't even sure if she could handle the sight if he had.

„Papa", her voice broke away again, „It's not your fault."

He just started crying more.

Sascha pushed herself off the counter and stepped around it to wrap her arms around her father in one swift movement. Too quick, but to hell with it. He hugged her back weakly, still not able to form a coherent sentence.

She had had her break down already. Or so she thought, really. Sascha still had a long way to go. At least she was at a point where she was able to see everything with more clarity.

„I'm so sorry", Lars sobbed again, voice hoarse, „I wasn't able to protect you before, and now-" He couldn't finish his sentence.

Sascha clenched her burning eyes shut. Pained. It hadn't been his fault. None of it. She wished he could see. She wished he could also see, while of course he needed help to work through all this, she only had limited capacity to console him through it. It was painful for her too. But of course… there wasn't a single cell in her which could blame him for anything. She'd had the privilege of having been guided through this until now, she would lend some to him.

„I found my way back", she didn't manage to stabilise her voice, finding it progressively more difficult to speak. The familiar lump was growing quickly in her throat. „You taught me well how to navigate."

A pained laugh mixed into Lars' sobbing then, tightening his hold around her. This was necessary. To get it out. Sascha only wished she could lessen his pain somehow.

When, with a start, she realised the burn in her eyes - released. Her cheeks became wet.

Wha-

Lars' breathing eased, the sobs slowing down, and less wrecking, as more tears collected in Sascha's eyes.

She was… crying.

How?

She shook her head, instead pressed her head into her father's shoulder - still careful enough to make sure the tears stayed away from his skin - and anchored herself to the moment.

Sharing the pain. And, eventually, sharing the relief. The by then cold tea completely forgotten.

Guest: I'm happy to hear you liked it! I'm also looking forward to this particular arc to play out eventually

AliceCullen3: I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for commenting

twilightfan200012: thank you sooo much for all your lovely comments, oh my gosh. I really appreciate it a lot 💕

madscullen: I had this cliffhanger tingling in my fingertips for a while! I was so excited to share it - I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and that you're also liking the way the relationships play out. Thank you for your thoughts

End Notes:

Finallyyyy I'm able to post this one. I didn't even proof check this chapter properly, so I might come in again to edit some things here and there, but I really didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer.

I'm happy that this chapter also turned a little bit longer than the last.

I don't even have much to say - it's 2am right now, I need SLEEP.

I really hope you liked this chapter. In parts, it was a real challenge to write.

Going forward I will stretch certain time gaps a little more than they were in the movies/books so I can get the necessary plot points in between~

Feel free to leave your thoughts, feelings and opinions in a comment - it's, as always, highly appreciated

Take care 💕

Posted: 30.11.23

Last Edit: 30.11.23