Prompt: Hi! Could you do a 'what if' Densi hadn't made up in 10x01 kind of fic please?
A/N: So, I might have approached this a little differently than you anticipated, as I am prone to.
"Ok, just a few more steps," Kensi coached, hands bracing Deeks' left elbow and back. Deeks' teeth were too tightly clenched for him to make more than a grunt of acknowledgment. His muscles felt tense beneath her hands, and she could tell how much the effort of walking from the driveway to the front door had cost him.
After a week's stay in the hospital, he still experienced excruciating pain with most movement and sometimes even when lying flat and still. That, coupled with intermittent and unpredictable bouts of vertigo, nausea, and vision problems, proved extremely exhausting.
"Do you want to go upstairs?" Kensi asked softly, not wanting to add more stimulation than necessary.
"No, the couch is fine," he muttered, lurching forward a few more steps and collapsing on the couch with a pained sigh, closing his eyes immediately. A fait sheen of sweat coated his forehead and cheeks.
Kensi ached to brush his damp hair away, soothe him in whatever way she could, but she clenched her fist against the urge.
They hadn't talked since returning from Mexico. Not really. Sure, there'd been a couple chats when Deeks had woken during his first days, but he was only semi-lucid, and Kensi wasn't sure he remembered any of it. Every time she considered broaching the topic, she saw Deeks' strained eyes and remembered what his team of doctors mentioned about limiting stress.
Kensi was still hurt by what Deeks said the night before they left for Mexico but regretted her reaction. If only she hadn't walked away. If only she had taken a breath and let Deeks explain before storming off and stubbornly getting on that plane. So much could have been different if she hadn't been so damn stubborn and now…now she was afraid it had been too long, and they were past the point of repair.
"Hey, I'm not going to fall apart if you sit down for two seconds," Deeks said, voice softer and hoarser than normal. He peered up at her through the slits of his eyes, concern creeping through the exhaustion. "You've been watching me for days without a break."
"I'm fine," Kensi insisted. That wasn't exactly true; pressure was consistently building behind her eyes. Although she'd faired the best, her body still took a beating and now was protesting the lack of general care. "I got some rest when Sam came to visit." If you considered drifting off in the shower for two minutes rest. Deeks didn't need to know that though.
"I don't know want you to get sick." The concern in his voice nearly undid her and Kensi looked down before he could read it in her eyes.
"Deeks, you just need to worry about you." She needed to leave before she broke down completely. "It's time for your next round of meds." Making her escape, Kensi ran to the kitchen.
There were four orange canisters and one larger white bottle lined up on the counter which contained Deeks' current medication regimen for the next few weeks. Kensi shook out the prescribed amount according to the pharmacy instructions.
As she turned to pour a glass of water, Kensi caught sight of a slip of paper pinned to the front of the refrigerator with a magnet. It was a note from Deeks to get milk next time they went to the store. Something about seeing his familiar handwriting shook something in her, and she sank to the floor, and sobbed.
Deeks didn't know how he'd screwed things up so horrifically. Kensi could barely look at him and all because he couldn't keep his mouth shut for once. Maybe if he'd waited for when they were less stressed, when he'd had two minutes to think, it might be different. Maybe he could have convinced Kensi to stay. If nothing else, his relationship wouldn't be damaged beyond repair.
For a little bit, he'd thought they might be able to fix things after he woke up in that church in Mexico to Kensi cuddling him, bit that had just been a brief reprieve.
The memory of Kensi's face when he told her they shouldn't get married, hurt, and betrayed, flashed through his mind for the thousandth time. God, he'd been such an idiot.
He didn't even know why Kensi was still here. He was beyond grateful, even though every time he looked at her, his heart fractured a little more.
A particularly brutal pain stabbed through his head, and he gasped, clutching at his temples. His ears rang and the light was suddenly piercingly bright, making him squeeze his eyes shut.
Gentle hands cupped the back of his head, smoothing down his his neck.
"Baby, here, take this," Kensi whispered, pressing a couple pills into his palm and a glass of water as she rubbed circles into his back.
He squinted again, Kensi a hazy version of herself.
"Thanks," he muttered, handing the glass back. His hand shook with effort.
"You should lie down," she said, brushing her fingers through his hair. A suggestive comment was on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself just in time.
"That feels nice," he managed instead.
"Good."
She smiled, her hair still caught in his hair, less than a few inches away. Her eyes drifted to his mouth and Kensi shifted even closer, and he was sure she was going to kiss him.
At the last second, she pulled away, eyes shuddering in the moments before she dipped her head. Tucking her hair behind her ear, Kensi abruptly moved her hand away. Deeks felt its loss as keenly as if she was miles away instead.
"Kensi—"
"Come on, you need to rest," she told him. He watched her leave the room, knowing he'd lost everything.
A/N: I hope this is suitably angsty. I'm playing up the theme that Kensi and Deeks have once again fallen prey to poor communication.