Thank you all for your patience! I did not think I would be able to make it this weekend, but here is the next chapter. I am making no promises for the next few updates, but I am doing my best to catch up with editing.
What I am about to write in this author's note has nothing to do with the story itself. It is too long, too emotional, too personal and probably a little crazy. I usually don't do this, but the last weeks have been very emotional due to me moving houses, so I feel like (over)sharing. I hope you don't mind, and of course, feel free to skip to the chapter now.
More than twenty years ago, my husband and I built our first house together. It was amazing. More a palace than a house. Insanely big with a lot of unnecessary rooms. A music room for me and a gaming room for him and also, an extra room dedicated to sexy times. Sounds unrealistic? Well, in all honesty, we built that house virtually. In the video game "The Sims", which we both were obsessed with back then. We were stupid teenagers that had just started dating (if you could even call it that) and we were hanging out in his room playing a video game, probably so we would not start thinking about the fact that we were alone in his room. Back then, not many people thought we would come this far. I know I did not. But my husband did. I thought he was crazy for thinking we would last. As it turned out, I was the crazy one for thinking we would not.
Anyway, after a few years of planning, building and agonizing over it, we finally moved into our new house this weekend. This time not in a computer game, but for real. Frankly, I have been an emotional train wreck these past weeks. Or, as my husband so nicely put it, I have been highly explosive and more irrational than during all my three pregnancies combined. He's right, especially because I should not be feeling this way, because while this is a big change, it is a very good one. But still, I have been a complete mess and I had more emotional outbursts and meltdowns than I'd like to admit and it will probably take a while until I feel like myself again.
Why am I sharing all of this? Well, probably because I am still an emotional mess and can't hold myself back. But also, because, with all the changes that have been happening in my life, this story was one of the things that still felt familiar. Posting it and getting to read your reactions has kept me sane(-ish). So, really, this is only a very long way to say "Thank You" to everyone who is reading this story. You guys rock!
And now, I hope that you will enjoy this chapter and that you don't mind me posting a Christmas-themed one in August.
A very merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
Balancing Heaven And Earth
Chapter 13 – "Happy XMAS"
Amy's POV:
~ Exactly three years earlier ~
"Connie! I'm home. You won't believe how many little Christmas presents I got from my students. I think we've got enough cookies and chocolates to last us the whole two-week winter break."
Amy walked into the kitchen where Connie sat at the table. She had a mug filled with tea in front of her and looked… kind of glum.
"Connie?", Amy asked carefully and sat down across from her friend. "Are you alright?"
"Not really.", Connie said as she stirred her tea.
Oh.
This was new. A reversal of roles.
Amy grabbed one of the boxes of cookies from her bag and opened it.
"Here, take one.", she told Connie softly. "And then tell me what's going on with you."
Connie finally looked up and smiled at Amy, but the smile did not reach her eyes.
"Thank you, dear.", she said as she took the cookie from Amy's hand and set it on the table in front of her.
Amy was starting to worry.
What was she supposed to do now? This was completely new territory.
"Do you want me to get you a shot of whiskey for your tea?", she asked.
After all, this was what Connie usually offered her.
"One step ahead of you.", Connie answered and lifted her mug. Amy scrunched up her nose. The smell of alcohol was very strong.
"Connie please. I'm starting to worry. What happened?"
"Oh, it's just… my moonpie. He's not coming home for Christmas this year."
"Oh."
Amy did not know if she should feel disappointed or relieved about this information.
For the past month she had tried to prepare herself for Sheldon Cooper's presence here in Medford. She told herself that he probably didn't even remember her. Or if he did, then only faintly. It was not as if standing up a girl at a coffee shop would be anything out of the ordinary for him. Or at least that's what she assumed.
But there was a part of her, really only a very small part, that was curious. All the things Connie had told her about Sheldon. They sounded so different to the man she had built up in her head. And the published papers she had read for him. Boy, that man really was a true genius.
She found herself dreaming of him.
Confusing dreams. Dreams that did not make sense at all.
So, for the past weeks, she had been agonizing. Wondering, which version of Sheldon Cooper she would meet.
Would he again take one look at her and deem her not worthy of his attention?
Would she maybe be seated next to him at Christmas dinner? Would they get to talk about his theories? Would he even want to talk about science to her?
Would he be impressed by her brain as much as she was by his?
Well… as it turned out, she would not get to find out.
Which was… good. And then again not.
"I'm sorry, Connie. I know you miss him very much.", she settled on saying. "Why won't he come? Does he have plans with… someone else?"
"Yeah, he's got a hot date with Lady Science.", Connie huffed. "Or so he told me."
"L… lady Science?", Amy asked confused. Was that a stripper name or something?
"He's working on a new theory, and he says he has no time to stop working on it over Christmas.", her friend sighed.
"Oh… that… sounds like he takes his job very seriously."
"He's lying to himself.", Connie stated simply after taking one large gulp from her tea. "He's… going through stuff and he's closing off from everyone. He's been doing it for a while, but I was hoping… if only he came here. Things would be so much better for him if he finally…"
Connie gave Amy a strange look. As she did so often lately.
"Well, at least I've got you here to celebrate Christmas with.", she finally continued. "Although I would have preferred to spend it with the both of you. You and Sheldon… you would have so many things to talk about."
Amy smiled softly.
She doubted that this was true. Sheldon would probably not be interested in what she had to say. But it was nice that Connie thought so.
It did not matter anyway. Her friend was in pain. And she was determined to do everything she could to make her feel better.
Over the next few days, Connie and Amy decorated the house with Christmas lights and mistletoes. They listened to carolers, drank eggnog and set up a tree.
Missy came by too and helped, together with her adorable little son. She still had not told Connie about her new pregnancy, but Amy had a strong feeling that she knew anyway.
Christmas Eve came and with it came the invitation to join the Cooper family for dinner.
Amy was elated to be spending this special night with people she considered her friends. Maybe to some extent even family.
"Aunt Amy!"
Amy's heart swelled. It always made her so happy, being called that.
The boy jumped into her arms, slinging his arms around her neck.
"Hello Joshua.", she said and returned the little boy's hug.
"I'm getting presents in the morning!", the three-year-old exclaimed.
"Really?", Amy shouted, acting surprised.
The boy nodded frantically.
"I hope I'm getting a train set. Like the one Uncle Shelly has in his room."
Amy didn't even notice Missy approaching them before she heard her speak.
"That boy and his little trains. It's a pity Shelly's not here. He would love to show off all his model trains."
"Y… your brother likes trains?", Amy asked.
Another tidbit about the man who was on her mind more than she would have liked to admit.
"Oh, dear Lord, he's obsessed with them.", Missy said, rolling her eyes. "Ever since we were children. He had trains everywhere and was playing with them almost every day. And he hasn't stopped since. Still has them in his room in Pasadena."
"Really?", Amy asked, trying to imagine it.
She did not understand why it surprised her this much. But in a way, it did not add up to the picture of the womanizing bachelor she had in her mind.
"I find it endearing.", Mary said as she came into the room to set the table. "He had to grow up so fast. It's good that he still allows himself to indulge in his youthful passions. I just… wish he would be here tonight. I miss him."
"Yeah, me too.", Missy said softly. "Although he would have made us put that bust of that strange scientist on top of the tree. What was his name again? The one who was born at Christmas?"
"You mean Newton?", Amy asked in awe. "Oh, that's brilliant. I mean thinking of it, he had much more to do with Christmas than everything else hanging on that tree."
The room fell silent, and Amy felt slightly uncomfortable when everyone stared at her.
What was happening?
Oh, right, she was in a Christian household.
"I'm sorry…", she stammered. "I didn't want to insult your…"
But she stopped when she was hugged tightly by Missy. She was wearing a loose sweater, but still Amy thought she felt the slightest hint of a small baby bump.
"Oh, my God, it's almost like he's here with us.", her friend exclaimed.
"W… What?", Amy asked confused.
"You're right. But… now I am even more sad because he's not here.", Connie said and shook her head. "He would love this."
"Yeah, imagine his surprise if someone in this house finally agreed with him on anything.", Missy chuckled.
Mary just stood there, staring at Amy dumbfounded and Amy had no idea what was going through her head.
"Well…", she finally said, just when Georgie arrived through the door, interrupting this strange moment. "Sit down everyone. Dinner's ready."
The food was delicious as always. After dinner, Missy put her son to bed in Sheldon's old room and afterwards, the adults sat around the table and opened a bottle of wine.
"So, will Harvey be here in time for presents tomorrow morning?", Mary asked, directed at her daughter. "It's such a shame he couldn't make it tonight."
Missy coughed and took a sip of her water. "I… uhm… don't think so.", she stuttered. "His… trip… is taking longer than he had expected."
"Why would he go on a motorcycle trip so shortly before Christmas?", Connie muttered. "When has Joshua seen him last anyway?"
"Oh, meemaw, let the man have some fun.", Georgie said and refilled his wine glass. He turned to Missy and offered her some of the wine as well.
"No, thank you.", she said brusquely. "I'm… not in the mood for drinking tonight."
"Honey, is everything alright?", Connie asked her granddaughter. "You seem so tense lately."
Amy studied Missy who was sitting across from her.
She could not keep this secret forever. She had to know that.
"I'm fine, meemaw.", Missy mumbled. "I just had a lot to do lately."
"I can imagine.", Connie nodded thoughtfully. "All these Christmas preparations without your husband present. It's a shame how he let you down again."
"Mother, leave her alone.", Mary said.
"No, she's right.", Missy finally mumbled and took another sip of her water. "It has been a lot. And Harvey has let me down. More than any of you realize."
Mary sat her glass down and looked at her daughter with concern in her eyes.
"Missy, what are you saying?"
Missy sighed deeply.
"Well… I did not want to bring this up on Christmas. But I guess, you'll have to know at some point. Harvey and I… are separating. He… he left me."
Amy gasped. Even though Missy had hinted at this before, she couldn't believe he would actually leave his pregnant wife.
"Missy… why didn't you tell me?", she asked her friend.
"It happened just yesterday.", Missy admitted.
"Yesterday?", Mary exclaimed. "But I thought he has been on his trip for the past two weeks.
"He came back yesterday. But he left again. For good. After I told him that…"
Missy paused.
"What a rapscallion!", Amy shouted before she could stop herself.
"Told him… what?", Mary asked, ignoring Amy's short outburst.
"Told him that I am…", Missy sighed. "I am… pregnant, mom."
"Oh, Missy.", Connie said and stood up to hug her. "I'm so sorry, Harvey reacted like that. Amy's right. He really is a… what was that word again?"
"That's it. I'm going to hunt him down and make him take responsibility.", Georgie said determinedly. "No one knock's up my baby sister and then just bails on her."
"Be quiet, all of you.", Mary said quietly but in a tone that made everyone sit down right away. "Missy, tomorrow you are going to call Harvey and ask him to come back."
"What? I will do no such thing.", Missy protested. "He's been absent pretty much since Joshua's birth. I am sick and tired of waiting for him."
"Still, he is your husband. And your children's father. You need to fix this."
"Mary, leave the poor child alone.", Connie told her gently. "If Missy does not want to…"
"Stay out of it, mother.", Mary said sternly. "Missy is having another baby. This is not just about her. Her children need a father. It is not right to…"
"No, mom, you stay out of it.", Missy shouted and got up from her seat. "Do you think I want to be a single mother? Harvey made his choice. If I am being honest to myself, he made it years ago. He does not want to be part of this family. And I will not force him to be."
"Missy, you have no idea what you're getting into.", Mary told her pleadingly. "Do you know how hard it is, raising two children all by yourself? I really think it would be better if…"
"Oh, please, mother, you are just worried what your church friends will say when they hear that I am pregnant and getting a divorce."
Mary was silent for a while, pressing her lips to a thin line.
"I do worry about how the people in this town will treat you.", she admitted. "But more than that, I am worried about you. Who will support you through this pregnancy? Who will help you with Joshua when you're exhausted from doing all of this by yourself? Who will…"
"I will.", Connie said firmly. "Missy, honey, whatever you need, I will be there to help."
"And so will I. But you already know that.", Amy added softly.
Missy gave her a warm smile.
"Thanks. Both of you.", she breathed out. "And now excuse me. I'm tired. I'll be going to sleep. Joshua will be up at six, wanting to open his presents."
With that, she stomped to her room.
"Oh, Mary, did you have to run over the girl like this?", Connie exclaimed. "I'll better go after her."
"Yeah, and I am going to leave.", Georgie said and got up as well. "Thanks mom, dinner was great."
Amy was still trying to process the conversation she had just witnessed, when she was left alone at the table with Mary.
Which was… uncomfortable, as Mary still seemed to be very upset.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Mary turned to Amy.
"I will support her too, naturally.", she said. "In case this wasn't clear."
Amy did not know what to say. Except no, this really had not been clear before. But she assumed it would be rude to point this out.
"I just… never pictured my grandchildren growing up with divorced parents. Missy has no idea how hard this will be."
"Maybe.", Amy said, pondering her words carefully. "But maybe, it would be easier for her, if she did not have to defend herself on top of everything."
Mary studied her carefully.
"You don't seem to be surprised. How long have you known?", she finally asked.
Amy looked up alarmed. Was there any point in denying the obvious? She guessed there wasn't with the way Mary kept looking right through her.
"Roughly a month.", she admitted. "But Mary, I promised Missy not to say anything. It wasn't my place…"
"That's okay.", Mary said. "I'm glad she at least shared it with someone. I just wish she would have come to me."
Amy did not answer immediately, so Mary went on.
"I know what you think. Why should she have told me, she probably knew how I would react."
Amy averted her eyes. Yes, that had crossed her mind. But she hadn't wanted to say it.
"I love my daughter, Amy. I would walk through fire for her. I just wish she would listen to me some more. I have more experience than she has. I could help her."
Amy just shrugged.
She did not want to get involved in this. No, that wasn't true. She did want to. She wanted to tell Mary what was on her mind.
She wanted to say that maybe sometimes the best way to help was letting her daughter make her own choices and supporting her the way she wanted to be supported.
But she could not say this. As nice as Mary usually was, Amy knew from her own experience that mothers did not usually like to be told how to treat their children.
And then she couldn't help but think how her own mother would have reacted if Amy would have dropped a bomb like that on her.
God, she would have probably tried to stick her into the sin closet for until the baby was born.
So, compared to that, Mary's reaction wasn't that bad.
Luckily, Connie came back that very moment, telling them that Missy was okay.
"Well, I'm going to bed too.", Mary told them. "Will you two come over in the morning to watch Joshua open his presents?"
Connie and Amy shared a look.
They had not planned on doing this. They had wanted to sleep in. Maybe take a walk. And then visit Ruth.
But they knew, without exchanging words, that they had to come. If only to serve as a buffer between Mary and Missy.
"We'll be there.", Amy promised before they said their good-byes.
They were almost across the street, when Connie started giggling.
"Harvey is a rapscallion?", she asked. "How was that the first word you thought of?"
"What, would you rather I called him a nincompoop? Or a troglodyte?"
She wasn't serious of course. By now she knew how funny she sometimes sounded to Connie and she wanted to cheer the old lady up.
"Oh, Amy.", Connie said and turned to her before she opened the front door. "No matter what else happened tonight… having you here with us made my day. So much. You have no idea."
Amy swallowed away a lump in her throat. Connie had no idea what these words meant to her.
"Thanks, Connie. I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else."
~ Back in the present ~
Amy looked at the door in front of her and sighed.
What she would give to be anywhere else right now. Really anywhere.
On a llama farm practicing interpretive dance. Or in a hot-air balloon navigating a sea of floating umbrellas.
She would accompany Sheldon to one of his beloved comic-cons, dressed up as Gamora.
Anything. If she only did not have to be here.
Sheldon had left the decision to her. But it was clear what he wanted to do. And Amy knew, she had to give him this.
She had screwed up. Royally. And hardly ever had she seen Sheldon this hurt.
It all had started at the end of her birthday celebration the week before.
Amy had said her good-byes to Missy, Jared and Greg and then went outside of the practice room to look for her fiancé who had not come back inside after answering her phone.
He had stood there, staring at her phone, but once she had approached him, he had put it away quickly.
There had been a weird expression on his face, as if he had wanted to tell her something. But then, he had shaken his head and offered her his arm to walk, just like always.
However, their walk together… had been very different to their usual walks.
Sheldon had barely said a word. And he did not want to sit out on the front porch for a bit when she asked him to.
Instead, he had finished his nighttime routine quickly and then went straight to bed, stating that he was very tired.
It was not a surprise, him being tired. Not really. After all, they had spent a good portion of the night before, celebrating her birthday. And then, during the day, he really had outdone himself.
That day… it was the perfect birthday. And all thanks to her man who wasn't even too fond of birthdays.
Wasn't she just the luckiest woman alive?
Still, she felt that something was bothering him.
She wondered, what it was. Could he be missing his friends again? Or was there something else?
She quickly changed into her nightclothes and went to the bedroom where Sheldon was already curled up in bed, facing the opposite wall.
"Hey…", she said softly as she joined him under the covers and cuddled up to him from behind, caressing his shoulder. She could feel the tenseness in his body. "Are you alright?"
"Of course I'm alright.", he mumbled into his pillow. "Just sleepy."
Amy furrowed her eyebrows.
No. Something was seriously wrong. He did not even look at her. Or kiss her good night.
"Are you sure?", she asked, while rubbing his back lightly. "Because you seem… off."
Finally, Sheldon turned on his back and looked at her.
"It's late. I would rather talk about this tomorrow.", he said and finally kissed her cheek before making an attempt to turn back away from her on his side.
"Sheldon, wait.", she told him. "If something's bothering you, then we should talk now. You won't be able to sleep well otherwise. And I am starting to worry too. Why wait until tomorrow?"
"Because…", he sighed. "I do agree that we should talk. But it is still your birthday. And I don't want to ruin it by being upset with you."
Oh. Why would he be upset with her? Now she really was starting to worry.
"So… you're planning on being upset with me tomorrow?", she asked, trying to sound amused. "That's not a very pretty outlook."
"Well… that depends.", he muttered.
"On…"
Sheldon sighed deeply, before he turned on his nightlight and sat up.
"Amy, does your father suffer from dementia?"
"Wha… no.", she said, wondering what this was about. "Why would you ask that? Why would you bring up my father?"
Sheldon frowned at her.
"I talked to him earlier tonight."
Amy's mouth dropped open.
Oh no. This was bad.
"M… my father?"
"Yes.", Sheldon nodded. "When your phone rang. That was your father. He seemed quite surprised when I told him who I was."
Amy felt a sudden chill in her bones.
"You… you told him… what… what exactly did you tell him?", she stuttered.
Sheldon's expression changed. Before, he had looked curious, maybe a bit confused. But now he looked disappointed. And she could not blame him.
"The better question, Amy, is… what exactly did you tell him? Or not tell him for that matter…"
"Sheldon…", she whispered, finally realizing what had been going on with Sheldon. Oh no. This was really, really bad.
He breathed out exasperatedly.
"Amy, I am really trying not to be upset with you. But we are getting married in less than five months. How can your father not know who I am?"
"Sheldon… my relationship to my parents is… complicated.", she breathed out, trying to avoid his gaze.
Sheldon lifted her head and looked at her imploringly.
"Well, as your future husband, shouldn't I be aware of this?"
"You should.", she admitted.
"You know everything about my relationship to my family.", he added. "Everything, Amy. The good and the bad."
"I know."
He gulped and Amy could see a hint of pain flicker in his eyes.
"You visited your parents a few weeks ago and you did not want me to go with you. Are you embarrassed of me? Is that it? Do you think I am not able to behave properly at your parents' place?"
"No, Sheldon. Of course not.", she insisted. "Like I said. It's… complicated."
He took a deep breath and then spoke a little softer.
"Do you plan on inviting them to our wedding, Amy?"
"Uhm… yes.", she admitted.
"Amy.", he looked at her and bit his lips. "I don't understand. At all."
"I'm so sorry, Sheldon.", she said and reached for his hand. To her relief he did not pull it away. "When I visited my parents a few weeks ago, that was the first time I saw them in years. And I wanted to tell them about you, I did. I just… chickened out. Talking to my mother is… hard enough. Telling her that I have this whole life that she isn't part of… I am sorry. It was too much. I couldn't do it."
"I see.", he whispered. It was him now, avoiding her gaze.
"Are you mad because I could not do it?", she asked, tears gathering in her eyes.
"No.", he said, barely audible. "I am not mad. And certainly not for that. But I am… shocked that you would keep this from me."
"It just… never came up.", she said weakly. She knew what a lame excuse that was.
He shook his head disbelievingly.
"Amy, this is not okay.", he said. He sounded so hurt. "I don't even know what to say. Or how to react."
"I'm so sorry, Sheldon.", she whispered. "It's just… my parents haven't been part of my life for many years. I am used to… not talking about them."
"Why?"
"Because…", she blinked rapidly. "Sheldon, I told you about my upbringing. I told you, how strict my mother was. When I moved away from California, she never approved. I tried to keep her in my life for a while, but after she kept judging me, I just couldn't anymore. I haven't talked to her since before I moved to Medford. I never talked to you about my parents because… there was nothing to talk about. They did not exist for me."
"But they obviously started existing for you again.", he stated, confusion visible in his eyes.
"Yes.", she sighed. "Sheldon, after we got engaged… I realized I still dream of my father walking me down the aisle. And… I miss my mother. There, I said it. She's… judgmental and overbearing and loud and… well… a lot. But… I miss her."
Sheldon was chewing on his bottom lip.
"I know I should have told you.", Amy added. "I just did not know how… or when…"
"You did not trust me enough.", he deduced. "You thought I would not understand."
"Sheldon, I trust you more than I trust anyone else.", she protested. "I am just used to… keeping these things to myself. My parents are my responsibility to deal with. I was going to introduce you to them. After I would have found the courage to tell them about you. About us."
"But we are engaged.", he pointed out. "I want to be able to support you. In all of your endeavors. Amy, aren't these exactly the kind of things we should be figuring out together?"
"I guess…", she said.
Wow, she was really bad at this.
"Amy, you are so much part of my family. I would never think of excluding you from anything. My sister is your best friend. My mother loves you. Some weeks, you spend more time with my niece and nephew than I do. And I strongly suspect that my brother still likes you more than he likes me. Not in a million years would it occur to me to tell you they are my responsibility to deal with."
"Sheldon… I don't know what to say. Except that… I am sorry. Please don't be mad."
"I am not.", he said quietly. "I'm just… confused. I know how much you value family. Not being able to talk to yours must have been hard. I wish you would have told me, and we could have tried to solve this. Together."
She smiled weakly. Despite everything, it was good to hear Sheldon talk like this.
It was strange, but she was still getting used to the fact that she was no longer alone in this world. That there was this wonderful man who didn't just love and desire her, but also wanted to share her troubles and ease her burden.
Her lower lip trembled. "You're right. I'm so… so sorry.", she whispered. "I should have talked to you about this."
He just looked at her for a moment. And then, he closed his eyes and shook his head and when he opened them again, he did not look as disappointed and hurt as he had before.
"It has been a long day.", he said softly and stroked the palm of her hand with his thumb. "Let's just go to sleep. Let's resume this conversation in the morning. When we both are a little bit more rested. And less emotional."
She swallowed deeply. "Sheldon, we are going to be okay. Right?"
He seemed to be a little taken aback by her question, as he stared at her in surprise.
"Of course we are okay.", he assured her. "We will always be okay. But we need to talk about this and figure out how to handle this situation."
He kissed her sweetly then. His lips only brushing hers softly for a short moment as he squeezed her hand.
"Good night.", he whispered and when she carefully tried to cuddle up to him, he took her into his arms.
Amy sighed relieved and nestled into his chest.
She could handle anything. Any conversation. Any fight. Any disagreement. As long as they would still be okay.
And in the morning, Sheldon kept his word.
They made breakfast together, just like every day. And then they sat down, and she finally told him everything about her complicated relationship with her parents.
He listened intently, holding her hand through the harder parts.
"Thank you for telling me.", he finally said as she was finished. "I think I understand now, why this is so hard for you."
She gave him a weak smile.
"So, to clarify.", he continued. "Despite everything, you do want your parents to be part of our lives, right? It's your decision, obviously, but given our current situation, maybe it would be best if you made up your mind about this sooner rather than later."
She had thought about this so often in the past. She knew, it would make her life much more complicated.
But as she had told Sheldon the night before, she missed them. Very much.
So, she nodded slightly.
"In that case… I think you should call your father.", Sheldon said softly. "I'm sure, he must be upset after talking to me last night."
"I should.", she agreed. "He must be so confused. I have to explain everything to him."
"Yes. And then you tell them we are going to be in Pasadena soon. And that we will come visit them. So we can resolve this."
"We?", she had asked tentatively.
"Yes. We.", he nodded. "And don't you dare try to protest. This… secrecy. It ends right here. Right now. I am with you in this. In everything. We are a team, Amy."
She gulped.
"Alright.", she conceded.
The conversation with her father was not a pleasant one. Even though he did not yell at her or even call her out for keeping this from him, she could hear in his voice how disappointed he was.
"I know, your mother can be difficult.", he told her in the end after she had explained everything. "But you could have at least told me. I would have understood."
"I'm sorry, Daddy.", she whispered, trying not to let her father hear how teary her voice had become. "I wanted to. I just… did not know how."
"Oh, pumpkin.", he sighed into the phone. "That man… Sheldon… does he make you happy?"
"He does.", she had said, with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Dad, you would love him. He's the most wonderful person I have ever met."
"Good.", her father said. "You deserve the best. Now, do you want to tell your mother? Or should I?"
Amy cringed. There was no way back now. It would be tempting, to let her father bear the news. But it would make the situation only worse, she knew that.
"Put her on the phone, please.", she told him, her voice shaking with nerves.
To Amy's surprise, her mother was strangely calm. Too calm. So calm, it made her feel anxious.
Amy told her everything from the beginning. From arriving in Medford, over working at the local High School to living with Connie. And the end, she told her about Sheldon and how she got engaged to him a few months ago.
And then, something strange happened.
Her mother congratulated Amy on getting engaged. She expressed her condolences over Connie's death. She did not interrogate her about Sheldon. She did not even ask one single question.
She didn't even comment on Amy working as a High School science teacher.
It was… frightening.
"Hey, here's a thought.", her mother said, still in this strange, calm voice. "If you don't have other plans… why don't you and… uhm… Sheldon fly over for the holidays? We would like to get to know him."
Her heart started pounding rapidly.
"Oh… I don't know… I usually spend Christmas with the Coopers. Sheldon's niece and nephew would be so disappointed if we…"
"Wait!", she suddenly heard Sheldon say behind her. "Did your parents just invite us to spend Christmas with them?"
Amy nodded weakly and she was shocked when Sheldon took the phone from her.
"Mrs. Fowler? Could you excuse us for just a minute? Amy will be right back."
He hit the hold-button on her phone then.
"You're thinking of accepting her invitation?", she asked him surprised. "What about your family?"
Sheldon swallowed hard.
"Amy, this is your decision. It's just… your parents must already feel weird about our engagement. And if they are going to be in our lives, I do not want them to hate me right from the start. But obviously you know them better than I do. So, you can predict their reaction to us declining their invitation better than I can. As I said. It's your decision."
Amy sighed deeply. She knew, Sheldon was trying very hard to not show her how much he thought this would be the right decision. She appreciated how he wanted her to make this choice.
But was there really a choice?
She could vividly imagine her mother holding this over her head forever and having a negative attitude towards Sheldon because of it.
"Fine.", she said, even though the thought of not being in Medford for Christmas broke her heart a little bit.
Sheldon handed her back her phone and she resumed the call.
"Alright, mother, I'll text you once we booked our flight.", she conceded. "Thank you for the invitation."
As soon as she had hung up the phone, she turned to Sheldon.
"Are you happy now?", she asked slightly annoyed. "We're missing Christmas with your family. And you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into just now."
"Of course, I am not happy about this.", he exclaimed. "I'm not happy about any of this. I just want to… make the best out of an unpleasant situation."
Amy huffed.
She had only herself to blame, she knew that.
And so, now, a few days later, they were standing there, in front of Amy's parents' front door.
Even after their conversation, things between Sheldon and her had been a little tense during the week. Because how could they not?
He had not acted mad at her. They had kept their lovely little routine. Sheldon had told his family about spending Christmas with Amy's family without mentioning with one word how she had not told them about their engagement.
She appreciated how he still supported her and was on her side.
But something was different. Sheldon was… quieter. He appeared to be deep in thought at times and Amy was afraid to ask him, what he was thinking about.
She took a deep breath and sighed again as she kept staring at the door.
And then she almost jumped, when Sheldon took her hand in his.
"Are you going to be alright?", he asked her quietly and squeezed her hand.
"Yes.", she breathed out. "Thank you. For being here. After… everything."
"Of course, I am here, Amy. I would have always been here."
She smiled at him slightly. She could see, he was still hurt. But he was here. And she would make it up to him somehow.
"Are you ready for me to ring the bell?", he asked her carefully.
"No.", she said, and shuddered at the thought. "But please do it anyway."
Once more, he squeezed her hand reassuringly and then reached for the doorbell.
Not even five seconds later, the door was slung open, and Amy was met with her mother's stare.
She expected to be scolded. Shouted at. Told what a disappointment she was. Maybe be sent to the sin closet for the night while Sheldon would be invited to sit at the table.
But none of that happened.
"Hello Amy.", her mother said calmly. "It's good to have you here today. And you… must be Sheldon. Come in."
Amy blinked. Was she dreaming?
Still grasping Sheldon's hand, she followed her mother to the living room where they were greeted by her father.
He politely shook Sheldon's hand before he turned to Amy and hugged her.
Amy swallowed away a lump in her throat. Ever since their phone call, Amy had wondered how angry her father was at her. Right now, it seemed, things would be okay.
"Hello, pumpkin.", he breathed out softly. "It's really good to have you home for Christmas. I've missed you these past years."
"I missed you too, Daddy.", she whispered. "I'm sorry for… everything."
Her mother had sat down on the couch in the meantime and was watching the exchange stoically.
Her father took his seat next to her mother and so Sheldon and Amy sat down as well across from them.
And then… it was silent. Completely silent. For far too long.
Amy looked at Sheldon and then to her parents.
Her mother kept looking at Sheldon but did not say a word. And her father was fidgeting around with the fabric of the couch.
She sighed.
And to think they had passed on Christmas with the Coopers for this.
"So, uhm, Sheldon…", Amy's father said, his voice shaking a little. He clearly wasn't used to doing the talking in this house. "Amy said you're a scientist."
"Yes, sir. I am a theoretical physicist at CalTech."
"CalTech!", Amy's mother exclaimed, a hint of confusion washing over her face. But then, she went silent again.
"That's interesting.", her father continued. "What is your focus?"
For the next fifteen minutes, Sheldon talked about his research while her father listened politely and asked a few follow-up questions. It was clear, he did not understand everything Sheldon was saying, but he did try, and Amy loved him for that.
Halfway through the conversation, her mother's phone rang, and she took it to the kitchen to answer it. They could faintly hear her speak. It seemed to be a friendly, casual conversation. Her mother was laughing a lot and talking about some new shoes she had gotten recently.
Amy frowned.
Couldn't her mother even try to pretend to be interested in her only daughter's future husband?
"Oh no, no you're not interrupting anything, Clara. You know I always love to hear from you."
Well, that was it. Time to get to the bottom of this.
"Excuse me for a second.", she whispered to Sheldon and went to the kitchen, where she listened to her mother for another two minutes before she put her phone away.
"Amy, what are you doing in here?", her mother asked, an obviously fake smile on her face. "Oh right, we did not offer you drinks. Where are my manners. Does your… does Sheldon… like white wine?"
"He doesn't drink.", Amy answered flatly.
"Oh… is he a recovering alcoholic? You know, men these days… No, please don't answer. It's none of my business."
Amy huffed annoyed. There was the condescension she had been looking for.
"No, mother, he's not an alcoholic. He just doesn't usually enjoy drinking alcoholic beverages."
"Oh.", her mother shrugged. "Well, that's very reasonable. Let's see… we've got root beer or lemonade… maybe there's some apple juice in the basement. Or does he only drink water?"
Amy's blood began to boil and she tried to stay calm, but she failed.
"What's wrong with you mother?", Amy exclaimed. "I'm introducing you to the man I'm about to marry and all you want to know is his choice of beverage?"
Her mother put the wine bottle she had gotten out of the fridge before on the counter with a loud 'clang'. Then, she took a deep breath and slowly turned around to Amy, a weird look on her face. One that Amy had never seen before.
"I'm sorry, Amy. I assumed he would be thirsty. It was not my intention to offend you in any way."
She sounded calm, like before. But there was something in the look she gave her. She looked like that time when she had caught 14-year-old Amy trying to sneak out in the late afternoon to meet up with a few girls her age.
Which was lucky, because as it later turned out, this had been a ruse to get her to the beach and steal her clothes. Something she had heard while hiding in a bathroom stall the day after that.
"O… offend me?", Amy asked incredulously. "Mother, I get that I disappointed you. I get that you are not happy with my life choices. But… I thought you'd at least give a damn when I tell you that I found the most wonderful man in the world and that I'm about to marry him."
She couldn't stop the tears that were starting to stream down her face. She wiped them away quickly, annoyed and embarrassed at herself.
But her mother's reaction caught her off guard.
"You have some nerve, young lady.", she breathed out and closed her eyes. It looked as if she was trying to calm herself down.
"Mom, what do you…", she tried to asked, but was interrupted right away. It seemed, her mother was also unable to hold back her emotions.
"You think I don't give a damn about you?", her mother all but yelled. "Amy, you are my only child. I've been worried sick about you every day since you walked out that door. For the past years I've been calling every hospital, every funeral home, every fire station in the country. I've been looking up every accident, every plane crash, every violent crime, scared I could find your name among the victims. I've been crying myself to sleep every night. So don't you dare accuse me of not caring of you."
Amy's stomach swooped when she saw that her mother was now crying too.
She had heard this woman scream and even yell. She had been scolded, punished and belittled by her. But never in the forty years she had known her, had she seen her cry.
"Mom…", she whispered.
"I've pictured the day when you would get married, Amy.", her mother said, much softer now. "My only daughter. I've pictured all the mother-daughter things we would do together. Dress shopping. Wedding planning. Maybe instead of a bachelorette party, we would go on a little trip, just the two of us and I would tell you about what to expect on your wedding night. And now… Do you have any idea, how it feels to know that you are getting married, and I am the last person to hear? I don't even know when you're going to get married or if I'll even get an invitation."
"Of course, you'll get an invitation.", Amy mumbled.
"I must have been a horrible mother, for you to punish me like this.", she continued, her voice laced with tears. "I must have done everything wrong. I know I was strict with you. But all I ever wanted was to protect you. To shield you from this cruel world and to help you make good choices. I did everything for you, Amy, ever since the day you were born. And for what? I am scared to even say one word to you, Amy, because I am terrified that you will leave again, and I will not be hearing from you anymore. What have I ever done to deserve this treatment?"
Her mother grabbed a chair and slumped down on it, tears still falling from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I just figured out it would be better if I just… didn't say anything at all."
Amy stood there flabbergasted.
For a second, she felt the urge to apologize. To tell her mother she was right. That she was an ungrateful daughter and that she should have never left like she did.
Maybe she could make this right. Maybe she could still do all these things her mother had said.
Include her in her wedding planning. Give back her dress and let her mother come along to pick a new one. Maybe she did not need a bachelorette party with Missy and her other friends. Maybe a trip with her mother would indeed be better. To bond with her after all this time.
But then, as she looked at her mother, sitting on that chair, looking back at her as if she was some kind of villain, something in her just… snapped.
It all replayed in her mind.
All the interferences in her life. All the hours spent in the sin closet. All the things she had not been allowed to do. All those lonely nights at home. The criticism. The oppression.
The nerve.
"You are right, mother.", she said firmly, her voice only shaking a little bit. "You were indeed a horrible mother to me many times. You were controlling. You took away any chance I had to have a normal childhood. You made me grow up without any friends. You did not let me make any age-appropriate experiences. You… you never trusted me or my judgement. I grew into an adult who had no idea how to act in the simplest social situations."
"Amy…", her mother tried to interject, wide-eyed. "I did not realize… I never wanted to…"
"I'm not finished, mother.", Amy continued after taking a few deep breaths. "How can you be surprised by me not telling you about Sheldon? I was always afraid of telling you things. Afraid of your judgement because you would never approve of anything I wanted to do. It… it took a very patient old lady to guide me through adulthood and teach me how to make my own experiences and choices. She did for me what you couldn't. The fact that our relationship has become the way it is now… That's on you. But…"
Amy sighed.
"You did want the best for me, I'll give you that. You did protect me from certain things. And despite your shortcomings, I always knew you loved me. You just… had a really screwed up way to show me and it has messed with my head more than I could ever tell you."
Her mother had turned almost as white as a sheet. For the first time in Amy's life, her mother seemed to be rendered speechless.
So, Amy waited. She would not back down from her statement. Not this time. Her mother deserved to hear this. No matter how she felt about it.
"I do…", her mother finally said, quietly. "I do love you very much, Amy. And I guess you're right. Your father told me, I had made mistakes. When you did not want to speak to us any longer. I did not want to believe him but now…"
Amy was starting to feel uncomfortable. Again, this was a new side to her usually so over-confident mother, and she did not know what to make of it.
"Mom, it's okay. We do not need to talk about this. I've said my piece. Let's move on."
But her mother continued anyway. Amy couldn't be sure, because she had never heard her mother use this soft tone before. It almost sounded like she was feeling guilty.
"I guess that… it was scary for me, seeing you grow up and break free from my influence. Because I thought that… if I did not make decisions for you… you would end up making mistakes. You were always such a special little girl. I could have never forgiven myself, had I let you throw your bright future away."
"Mother, I…"
"I don't know how to do this, Amy.", her mother confessed. "It was easy when you were a child and I could tell you what to do. But I don't know how to be a mother to a grown adult. Especially now that you seem to be living a life that does not include me at all. If you don't need me or my opinions, then what is my role in your life supposed to be? And how should I act around you, so I will not be losing you again? I just thought, it would be easier if I…"
"You thought you'd better just stay silent before you said too much.", Amy realized. "And I thought, you just didn't care anymore because the life I am living is too far from your vision how it should be."
"I'm sorry, Amy.", her mother repeated. "After what you just told me, I should not be surprised that this is what you thought. Apparently, I did it all wrong again. I'm sorry. I do want to be in your life. I just don't know how."
"Oh, mom.", Amy sniffled. "Maybe you could just… trust that you raised me well and that I am capable of making my own choices. I am living a happy, fulfilled life. And I also want you to be a part of it. I just… don't want you to try and run it for me. I never want anyone to run my life ever again."
"I see.", her mother nodded.
"But… I do want you to get to know Sheldon. And despite everything, I do want to hear your opinion. Just… maybe not… all the opinions. And… once is enough."
Her mother stood up and smiled at her weakly through teary eyes.
"Will you help me?", she asked. "Will you tell me if you ever feel I'm interfering too much?"
"Sure.", Amy nodded and walked up to her mother to hug her.
"I'm so relieved to finally have you back again.", her mother breathed out as she returned the hug. "My baby girl."
Amy released a shuddering breath.
She should have done this years ago. Told her mother how she felt and stand up to her instead of just running away.
Somehow, she had always felt as if something bad would happen if she dared to stand up for herself. But now, she realized, this had been the only way to make this situation better.
Well, she guessed, better late than never.
Amy helped her mother prepare the beverages then and when she sat back down next to Sheldon, he squeezed her hand softly.
"Everything alright?", he whispered.
Amy blushed when she realized how loud the conversation in the kitchen had been. Of course, Sheldon had heard every word.
"I think so.", she whispered back. "Maybe it really was a good idea to come here tonight."
"I think so too.", he replied.
He was looking at her strangely. His gaze seemed to be burning right through her for some reason she could not understand.
An hour later, they were all seated around the dinner table.
Despite everything, Amy remembered, how she had always loved her parents' Christmas dinners.
As much as her mother pushed for healthy food around the year, on Christmas, she went all out.
There was a roasted turkey with chestnut stuffing. Several delicious side dishes including mash potatoes, which Amy knew, her mother had made only for her. It had always been her favorite.
The conversation started to warm up, now that her mother was participating too, and there was a lot of laughter, when Amy told them about the Christmas dinners she had spent with Sheldon's family. Sheldon proceeded to talk about his childhood in Texas and in the end, even her mother agreed that Sheldon and Amy were made for each other.
"Well, it was a very lucky stroke of fate that you moved in with his grandmother.", she admitted. "I wish I could have met her."
Amy smiled sadly and looked at Sheldon.
On days like today, she missed Connie even more than usually. And she knew Sheldon felt the same way.
He gave her a smile in return and grasped her hand under the table.
Her parents got up then to get dessert. Pumpkin pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Again, Amy felt herself being pulled back into the more pleasant parts of her childhood.
And then, a few minutes later… she felt even more like her mother's child again. But for different reasons.
"So, Sheldon, you said you work at CalTech?", her mother asked innocently as she took a sip from her coffee.
"I do.", Sheldon confirmed.
"That's in Pasadena."
"Uhm…", Sheldon said. Way to state the obvious. Amy could literally see this thought pop up in her fiancé's brain and she was proud of him for keeping it to himself. "Yes."
"How do you work at CalTech when you live in Texas?"
"I… uhm…", he stuttered and looked at Amy for help.
"Sheldon moved to Texas a bit more than a year ago… for personal reasons. He is currently working from home."
"Currently.", her mother repeated.
"Yes. Currently. He still has an apartment in Pasadena. He's… uhm… subletting it to a friend right now."
"Interesting.", her mother nodded, and Amy was about to change the subject, when her mother continued.
"So, when are you two moving back here?"
Amy's eyes widened in shock. Of course, her mother would bring this up.
"Mom, that's none of your… I mean… that hasn't been decided yet."
"Larry, have you heard that?", her mother exclaimed. "This wonderful man is going to bring our little girl back home!"
"Mother, that's not…"
"So, how's the wedding planning going?"
It was remarkable. Like someone had turned on a switch on her mother's back. Amy shook her head amused and was about to answer when her mother continued.
"Obviously you two will be getting married at our church. I will call Pastor Jonathan tomorrow. I think, June would work well for the whole family. Oh, Amy, you have to try on my old dress."
"I already have a dress, mother.", Amy said calmly. "And we have set a date. In May. It's going to be in Texas."
"But… how do you expect me to plan your wedding in less than five months? In Texas?"
"I… I don't…"
"Amy, really, you are being foolish. Just sit back and let me handle this. Your big day will be perfect."
Amy took a deep breath.
"Mother, no, I am planning my own wedding. With my maid of honor. Who, by the way, is also Sheldon's sister."
"Well, alright, have it your way.", her mother sighed. "So, where are you two staying, while you are here in California?", her mother again changed the subject.
"I told you, mother. Sheldon still has his apartment.", Amy answered, rolling her eyes.
"But… you said his friend is subletting it…"
"Yes, mother, but Rajesh is hardly ever…"
Her mother's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
"You are telling me you are staying at an apartment with two men? Amy, have you forgotten everything I taught you?"
"Mom, please… That's none…"
"No, Amy. You are staying with us. Larry, would you prepare Amy's old room for her?"
"Mrs. Fowler, I really don't think…", Sheldon tried to interject.
"This is non-negotiable.", Amy's mother said firmly. "It's bad enough that she's living in sin, but she will not be staying in an apartment with two men."
"Mother!", Amy shouted, so loud that all eyes turned to her.
"Amy, honey, you cannot possibly expect me to be okay with…"
"Mother, you asked me to tell you if you interfere too much.", she said, trying to keep her voice calm.
Her mother looked confused for a second.
"Yes. And…"
"Now, mother!", Amy shouted. "You're interfering. Too much."
Only now did Amy notice her father had started grinning while the conversation was going. He sat there barely able to contain his laughter.
Her mother's face turned red.
"Well…", she said and took a deep breath. "Alright, Amy. I will respect your decision."
"Thank you, mother.", Amy nodded.
"Let's just hope that this… Rajesh… isn't a deranged sex criminal.", her mother added. "But again… I'm staying out of it."
Amy rolled her eyes slightly.
She knew, this was not going to be easy. Her mother still had a lot to learn. And maybe so had she.
But still, she would take this night as a little win.
Half an hour later, they were finally ready to say good-bye to her parents.
Sheldon was unusually silent as they were walking to the car. But then again, he had not really been talkative during the past few days.
"So, uhm…", she said as she put on her seatbelt. "That was it. My parents."
"Obviously.", he nodded.
She turned to him, and to her relief, she could see that he was grinning at her.
"I'm sorry, Sheldon.", she said softly and grasped his hand. "I should not have kept them from you."
"Agreed.", he said and sighed. "You shouldn't have. But after tonight… I do understand why you did it."
"Really?", she asked, genuinely surprised. "You're not mad at me anymore?"
He just shook his head and squeezed her hand.
"Do I wish you would have told me? Of course. But… I understand how hard tonight was for you. You did great by the way."
She looked at him surprised. "What do you mean?"
"With your mother.", he clarified. "That was impressive. And from what you have told me, it can't have been easy to stand up to her like this."
Inadvertently she felt her lower lip tremble.
Although she knew, Sheldon often had trouble reading social situation or people's feelings, he always seemed to just… get her.
She turned to him fully.
"I am really sorry, Sheldon.", she repeated. "I should have known I could just tell you about my parents. I feel horrible."
"Amy…", he said and squeezed her hand again. "It's okay. We don't always have to tell each other everything. I understand that… sometimes… we want to figure out things by ourselves. Maybe… I should not have pushed you to spend Christmas here with them. For that, I am sorry."
She had not expected this. In the least.
"It's okay, Sheldon.", she whispered. "You had a right to meet my parents."
"But I had no right to demand you spend Christmas here. You said a lot today about… people trying to run your life. And maybe… at times, I tend to try to do that too."
That was crazy.
"Sheldon, what are you talking about?", she asked. "Yes, you said you wanted to come here, but… I could have said no. I did not because I saw how important it was to you. You did not try to run my life in any way."
He looked at her strangely.
"Amy, I think I…", he started. But then he shook his head. It seemed, whatever he had wanted to say to her, he had decided against it.
"What?", she asked.
He closed his eyes for a second, before he grasped her hand again.
"Nothing. I'm just… happy to be here with you. I feel closer to you now, after seeing where you grew up. Does that make sense?"
"It does.", she said and grinned. "Or why do you think I enjoy spending time with your family so much?"
He leaned in and kissed her softly. "I love you.", he mumbled.
Her lips started trembling again.
"I love you too.", she whispered back.
They shared another soft smile before she finally started up the engine.
Christmas hadn't turned out the way she had wanted it too. But in the end, it did not matter.
Not as long as she was spending it with Sheldon.
And it was true. She too felt closer to him now, after sharing this experience with him.
Missy's POV (three days earlier):
Missy sighed.
There it was.
Another envelope. And another message.
"GO AWAY WHORE"
Well, whoever sent them wasn't very creative.
At this point, she did not even care anymore who sent them or why.
It would stop one day.
Hopefully.
"Missy, we are back. Are you home?", her mother's voice came from the front door.
Crap. She thought her mother had wanted to take Joshua to the park after picking him up from school. Why were they home already?
Quickly, she stashed the envelope and the piece of paper into the back pocket of her jeans.
She would tell her mother later. Joshua could not know of this. Ever.
"I'm here, mom.", she called out.
She looked up as her mother entered the room and then her eyes widened.
"Joshi… what happened?", she breathed out as she took in her son's appearance.
His hair was disheveled. His eyes looked as if he had been crying. There were scratches in his face and his shirt was torn.
"I… got into a fight.", he said tonelessly, before crying again.
Missy got up and pulled her son into her arms.
"Oh, Joshi…", she said softly and held him close. "What happened?"
"Connor started it", the boy whined. "But I still got in trouble at school."
Missy looked at her mother in confusion.
"Both boys received a warning.", she explained. "If it happens again… Joshua might get suspended."
Missy's blood ran cold. They were going to suspend her sweet, innocent little boy?
She hugged her son even closer.
"Why did you two even fight? I thought you liked Connor. You always played together in kindergarten."
Joshua just shrugged. "Well, I don't like him anymore."
He did not elaborate.
Missy swore to herself, she would get to the bottom of this later. Maybe over cookies or chocolate milk. Or both.
"Don't worry about your warning. You've never gotten in trouble before. And whatever happens, we are getting through this.", she promised her little boy, hoping he would believe her.
Hoping that maybe she could start believing it herself.