I was struggling a lot with this chapter for many reasons.
It is a sad one, maybe one of the saddest ones yet. To be honest, part of me just wants to skip these next few chapters and go right to the wedding chapters to indulge in a little bit of Shamy goodness.
But even though it might be painful, I feel that the these chapters are important. I want to resolve Joshua's story in a good way and I want Amy and Sheldon to have a general idea of how their future is going to look like, before they get married.
Also, I know, many of you don't like Penny very much, but I also want to resolve the issues between her and Amy. Although I absolutely cannot relate to Penny, I do like her and I want her and Amy to be in a good(-ish) place before the wedding, although of course, she and Amy will not be besties in this universe.
So, this is the plan for the next few chapters. I am sorry there won't be a whole lot of romantic Shamy fluff in it. I am trying to put in a few nice scenes here and there and of course, as stated before, I am going to make up for it very, very soon!
I hope you will have the patience to bear with me until then.
I also will be writing something more about Joshua's situation in the end notes, as to not spoil this chapter.
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one, its the loneliest number since the number one
No is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Yes is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Balancing Heaven And Earth
Chapter 17 – "One is the loneliest number"
Amy's POV:
~ A little less than three years ago ~
Amy put the lid on her red pen and shook her head amused.
Although their lack of understanding of scientific principles still shocked her at times, she was slowly getting used to grading papers written by High School students.
Under her watchful eyes, many students had made tremendous progress, but there was still a handful of teenagers whose papers she tended to grade last.
Not because she dreaded them, but because they were always useful for having a good laugh and a good way to end the workday.
Today's highlight was a seventeen-year-old boy who interpreted photosynthesis as proof that all humans must be solar-powered because they ate plants while plants "ate" the sunlight.
Well, she guessed at least she had piqued his curiosity and made him think. She could work with that.
The oven timer beeped, and she stretched out her limbs before she walked over to the stove and turned it off.
Then, she checked the recipe again and nodded to herself. Everything was going according to plan.
She removed the chicken pieces from the soup, checked if they were tender enough, then removed the bones and skin before she shredded the meat and put it back into the soup.
Then, she took a fresh spoon to taste it and couldn't help but feel a little proud. It was perfect. The vegetables were soft but not too soft and the seasoning was just right.
Finally, she added the bread dumplings she made from a recipe that she had discovered while travelling Europe a few years back.
When the soup was boiling again, she carefully knocked at her friend's bedroom door and forced herself to smile, when a hoarse voice asked her to come in.
She opened the door, and her heart sank in her chest.
"Still not feeling better, huh?", she asked softly as she sat down on Connie's bed. "Did you at least drink the tea I brought you two hours ago?"
She checked the thermos bottle. It was still half full. Just like the one from this morning had been when she came home.
"You really need to make sure to get enough fluids, Connie.", she said, putting on her best teacher-voice. "We don't want you to dehydrate."
"Aww, it's so sweet of you to take care of me, honey.", the old lady said and coughed twice. "But it's just a cold. At my age, that can take some time. Don't you worry. I'll be up, sticking my nose into your business again before you know it."
"You've been having colds every few weeks since Spring Break, Connie.", Amy pointed out. "I think you should see a doctor. Maybe have your blood levels checked just in case."
Connie grasped Amy's hand and Amy's heart sank even more when she felt how boney her friend's fingers had become.
"Don't worry about me, Amy.", Connie repeated. "You know what they say. Bad weeds grow tall. I just need a little rest."
Amy huffed. Even though she was not a medical doctor, her education in neurobiology had included some basic medical training. Enough to know that it was concerning when an old lady who had always been very healthy, was suddenly getting sick all the time.
"I made you chicken soup.", she said, changing the subject. "I can bring you a tray so you can eat in bed if you want."
"No.", Connie said vehemently. "Apart from a few mother's days and the time I broke my hip, I have always eaten at a table. And that will not change only because I am a little under the weather."
Amy sighed deeply. Why did this woman have to be so stubborn?
"Alright.", she conceded. "At least let me help you walk."
She could see that Connie wanted to refuse her request, but as she stood up, she must have realized herself that she was barely able to stand by herself.
It broke Amy's heart, how the old woman was trying to grip the wall. Her knees seemed to be shaking and her face was turning slightly grey.
"Fine. You can help me.", her friend finally grumbled. "But only for your sake. If it makes you feel better."
"Sure.", Amy responded softly and put an arm around Connie's waist to guide her to the kitchen.
She made Connie sit down at the kitchen table and filled a bowl with soup, making sure there was a lot of meat and many dumplings in it.
She took a portion herself and started eating. It tasted wonderful. Comforting. Amy made a mental note to do this more often. Maybe it would help her friend gain back her strength once she would overcome these irritating colds.
"Hm, that's delicious.", Connie said as she ate the third spoonful.
Amy could see, Connie was trying to sound convincing, but it was evident, how much her friend had to force herself to keep eating. There was no way she could taste anything in her state.
But at least she ate the whole bowl and Amy hoped sincerely that this would help her get healthy again.
Amy quickly got out her phone and texted Mary, informing her that there was enough soup left to last for the next day and asking her to please come over at lunch to make sure Connie would be eating some of it.
"So, what's new at school?", Connie asked as she put her spoon aside. "How's the grading going?"
"Fine, I think.", Amy shrugged. "I tried to be as fair as possible. The deadline for additional assignments is ending tomorrow and then I can hand in my final grades."
"That's cute. You think those kids are going to hand in additional assignments.", Connie said teasingly and grinned.
Amy had to grin too. If only because Connie had just sounded almost like she usually did.
"We'll see.", Amy said firmly. "Those kids might surprise us."
If she was honest, she did not believe it herself. She did not really expect more than one or two students to do more than they absolutely had to for her class.
But she wouldn't tell Connie that.
The much more important thing was, that summer break would be starting soon.
"So, are you going to travel this summer?", Connie asked as if she had read her mind.
"Not this year.", Amy said, shaking her head. "I'm just going to… relax. Maybe read a few books. Do some quilting."
That was not the full truth.
The main reason why Amy did not want to go traveling was so that she could be home with Connie. Watch her during the day. Make sure she had everything she needed.
And of course, talk her into going to see a doctor.
Connie might be stubborn, but she was yet to find out how persistent Amy herself could be.
A sound coming from outside the open window caught her attention.
A car – an expensive one – drove up to the house across the street.
A tall man stepped out of the driver's seat and went around the car to open the door to the passenger seat.
Amy smiled to herself as she saw Missy get out of the car. Her belly had grown even bigger since last she saw her. Amy couldn't wait to meet her friend's baby girl a few months from now.
Missy was beaming at the man who was carrying a bouquet of flowers as they made their way to the front door.
So, this was Missy's new boyfriend. The one she kept swooning over. And he would be meeting Mary today.
"I did not know Missy was seeing someone.", Connie said. It did not sound very happy.
"Yeah.", Amy nodded. "She met him at work while she was waiting on his table. They have been dating for a little more than a month now."
It was so romantic. Missy had told her that he had come in every day after that first time he had seen her. He always tipped her really well and told her to take it easy in her state. Once he even took a tray out of her hand because it looked so heavy and carried it over to a table for her. On that day, they had talked after her shift and after hearing that she was a single mother, he had asked her if she wanted to get dinner sometime.
Since then, they had been inseparable.
"He looks familiar.", Connie noted. "I think… I have seen him before."
"It wouldn't be surprising.", Amy nodded. "Missy said, he grew up here in Medford. You've probably seen him around then."
Her remark was met with silence, so Amy turned her head away from the window to look at her friend again.
"Connie?", she asked concerned.
It seemed, Connie looked even paler now than she had before.
"You… uhm… don't happen to know the name of that man, do you?", Connie asked, the tone of her voice sending chills through Amy's veins.
"Connie, what's going on? Are you feeling worse? I really think we should call the doctor."
"His name, Amy.", Connie repeated and grasped her arm.
"Well, Missy never introduced me to him, but she told me his name is Rob…"
"Robbie.", Connie hissed. "Robbie Anderson. I cannot believe it. How could she do this? How can she trust that man? I need to do something. I need to…"
Connie tried to get up, but she had to grip the table to steady herself.
Amy swiftly got up too and grabbed her friend's arm to help steady her.
"Connie, please sit down again. I don't know what you think you need to do, but I do know you need to rest."
"I cannot let Missy do this.", Connie insisted. "I need to go over there and end it. He's going to hurt her. He's going to ruin her life."
"Connie, stop it.", Amy said sternly. "I know you tend to think you know what's best for everyone. But Missy is happy. Her new boyfriend is treating her so well. He's worshipping the ground she's walking on."
"You don't understand, Amy.", Connie said, and Amy was shocked when she saw tears in the old woman's eyes. "That man… he has done things. Horrible things. I don't trust him. And neither should Missy. Or you."
Amy rolled her eyes.
This woman and her strong opinions. She always had them. About everything and everyone.
"Missy knows what she's doing, Connie.", she said softly. "She's an adult. And she deserves happiness after how Harvey has treated her. Can we not just be happy for her?"
"Oh, Amy.", the old woman said seriously. "I wish we could."
"You need to stay out of this.", Amy told her friend gently. "You need to focus on yourself and see that you get healthy again. Let Missy make her own choices. And for what it's worth, I don't think there is anything to worry about. Just let Missy tell you about all the nice things Robbie has been doing for her lately."
Connie just shook her head sadly.
"Oh Amy. You are always so sweet and trusting. But you don't know what that man is capable of. And how will I ever tell my moonpie? He'll be devastated. Even more than he already is."
Amy still did not know what the big deal was, but that last remark sent shivers down his spine. During the last few weeks, she hadn't heard much about the man who was invading her dreams on a regular basis."
"Is he still going through… something?", she asked softly. "And… do you think he'd be worried about Missy just like you are?"
Connie smiled fondly, as usual when she talked about her grandson.
"Well… he'd probably be angry at first.", she admitted. "He and Robbie… have a history. But yes. Sheldon cares very deeply about the people close to him. Although he usually is very good at hiding it. Of course he would be worried about Missy."
Amy looked out the window once more.
Was Connie right? Was Missy misjudging her new boyfriend?
She did not like to believe it. She wanted this unexpected fairytale to be real. For Missy's sake.
But regardless, she would be paying attention.
Just to be safe.
~ Back in the present ~
Amy woke up with a start. Not because of an alarm or any other noise, but because today was the day she had dreaded. And she wasn't even in Medford to make sure things would be okay.
She turned her head and noticed with disdain that she was alone in bed. In Sheldon's bed in his apartment in Pasadena.
With furrowed eyebrows, she searched for her glasses and checked the alarm clock on the nightstand.
It was still early, there was no way Sheldon had already left for work.
No longer able to sleep, because she was alone but also because this day was making her nervous, she chose to get up as well and as she went to the bathroom for her morning routine, the events of the past three months replayed in her mind.
So many things had happened during these three months and with every week that had passed, her heart had become heavier with worry for the people she loved.
First, Missy had asked Amy to come with her to the appointment with the principal of Joshua's school.
"I don't know, Missy, don't you think you'd rather ask Sheldon?", she had asked hesitantly. "I love your son, but Sheldon is much closer to him."
"He's too close.", Missy had argued. "And too angry at the school to have a civil conversation about this. Plus, you are a respected teacher in this town. The principal is a stubborn man, but he might listen to you. But if you'd rather not go…"
"No, of course I'll go.", Amy had assured her friend. "You have my full support in this."
Amy did not know what she hoped would be the outcome of said appointment. She supposed, she had expected there to be an idea of how to make the situation better for Joshua.
It was what she would try to do if any parent ever approached her over a situation that was happening in her own class.
But to her great disappointment, the principal had tried to downplay the situation. The class teacher had listened patiently and tried to offer help, but Amy wasn't sure if she recognized the urgency of the matter.
Amy had very firmly told them both how unbearable the situation was for the little boy and how desperately he needed help.
"I find it highly concerning, how hostile those little children are towards each other.", she had emphasized. "In first grade no less. I think it is time to involve the other parents. And you must have a social worker assigned to your school. Maybe it is time to work on this with the whole school."
Sadly, the principal had not been receptive to these suggestions.
"Our social worker has enough on her plate already.", he had told them. "And none of the other parents have ever complained about any problems in this class. If your son fails to get along with his classmates, all I can offer is for him to switch to a different class."
At that point, Amy's blood had started to boil.
"Joshua is not the one who started this problem.", she had protested. "He's being bullied relentlessly, not just in class but also out in the schoolyard during recess. Switching classes will not change anything. It might only make matters worse."
Still, the principal had refused to do anything else and even scolded her for using the word "bullying" to "rashly".
Missy had gotten very quite during this exchange but Amy could see how much her hands was shaking.
It was disheartening.
In the end, Amy had threatened to use her reputation as a teacher in the same district to go to the school board and issue a complaint.
This had finally prompted the principal to backtrack a little and he had agreed to let the school-assigned social worker assess the situation and see if any action needed to be taken.
On the way out, the class teacher had apologized to them.
"I am trying my best to help Joshua.", she had promised. "I am sanctioning any kind of hostile behavior in my classroom, but there is only so much I can do about things that happen during recess… as long as there is no strict policy on this."
It was clear, the poor woman did not want to say anything more. And as much as she wanted to go off on her for not protecting the little boy better, she knew, the problem was a school environment that treated bullying as if it was something normal. Something that was just part of school and not worth wasting energy on.
"If this continues, I guess I will have to look into sending him to a different school.", Missy had stated on the drive home.
Amy had nodded in agreement, but deep inside, she knew how hard it would be. First to find a good school in the area that would take in Joshua. And then of course for the little traumatized boy who would have to start over at a new place.
But she had promised Missy to help her look into other schools and use her connections as a High School teacher to ask around and find the most suitable one for Joshua.
And then, a few days after that, Amy and Sheldon had stood by the window in Connie's house, watching a strange man who they knew must be Harvey, Missy's ex-husband, walk into the house across the street to meet his children after three years of absence.
Amy had done her best to be there for Sheldon. Even though he insisted that this was good, Amy knew, it was eating him up inside. He was worried for the little boy and wanted to be there for him during this uncertain time.
That first meeting went well, according to Missy. Harvey did not really interact with Ellis much, but he played a few games with Joshua, asked about his hobbies and then ate pizza with him while watching a movie.
And after that, they saw him pull up in the driveway across the street twice a week. Bringing little presents for the children. Playing with them outside in the yard while Missy sat a few steps away and watched.
"He's fun.", she had told them once when she came over. "The kids like him a lot."
And while Amy still had a lot of doubts, she was happy for Missy that, finally, at least one small thing seemed to be working out better than expected.
After a few weeks, Missy decided to let Harvey pick the children up for little afternoon trips. To fast food restaurants or indoor playgrounds.
Never long. One or two hours. So as not to risk them getting into a situation Harvey could not handle.
That, too, went surprisingly well.
"It's good.", Sheldon had told her once, although he had looked very sad saying this. "I am happy for Joshua. He must be thrilled, getting to spend time with his father."
Amy wanted to see it that way. But she could not. Because she saw the way Joshua looked when he got in the car with Harvey.
Sheldon might not have noticed because… well, he usually did not notice these things on his own. And Missy was probably too close to the situation.
But Amy knew what she saw.
Joshua's face was not the face of a little boy who was thrilled to be spending time with his father. He looked sad. Almost defeated.
Every time, Harvey drove away with him, Joshua looked outside the window in their direction and Amy was sure, what he really wanted was stop the car and spend time with his favorite person in the whole world. A wish that was very much reciprocated.
Sometimes, Amy went to pick Joshua up from school. To hear about the situation there but also to talk to Joshua and invite him over to play with Sheldon again.
"Yes, the insults have stopped.", he told her. "No, the other children still don't want to play with me. But it's okay. I don't want to play with them either."
He also refused her invitation to come over, stating he was too busy building the new Lego set he had gotten from his father.
Stubbornness really ran strong in this family.
About a month in, Harvey's girlfriend came to introduce herself and her dogs, two energetic but friendly beagles. According to Missy, she was nice and seemed like a fun person, just like Harvey.
Joshua seemed to keep a healthy distance to those two dogs, but nevertheless, when he was invited to spend a weekend in Houston, he begged his mother to let him go.
After a lot of back and forth, Missy finally relented, although she seemed very nervous about it.
"Harvey keeps asking about having Joshua there for Spring Break.", she explained. "I don't really like the thought, but Joshua wants to go, so maybe we could see this weekend as a test run."
Amy still was not sure if that was a good idea. Was this man really responsible enough to care for a little boy without being supervised?
"I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt.", Missy told her in response. "He was not ready to be a father back when Joshua was born. He was terrified of the responsibility. But he's really trying now. I'm still scared, but I want to give Joshua the opportunity to build a relationship with his father."
Sheldon had become even quieter during this time, and he avoided looking out the window or going over to his mother's house whenever Harvey was around.
"Of course I do not like the thought of Joshua going to Houston, even for a weekend.", he told Amy at night when they went to sleep. "But Harvey is Joshua's father. This is how it is supposed to be. I just want him to be happy."
But Amy knew, Sheldon missed his nephew deeply.
She kept finding him sitting on the floor in the garage, playing alone with the trainset he had set up for Joshua.
It was devastating to know how much both, Sheldon and Joshua were suffering under this situation. But Amy had no idea how to solve it and she kept going back and forth between wanting to confront the situation and staying out of it.
She wanted to go over and talk to Joshua. Tell him how much his uncle loved and missed him. Try to once again explain the situation that had led to this in the first place. But at the same time, she knew she had to give the little boy the space he wanted. He was going through enough already.
All she could do was try to stay present in his life, so he knew she was there for him. Whatever he needed. Ready to help bridge the gap between him and his uncle should he ever be ready for it.
But now, she and Sheldon were here again. In Pasadena. To explore their options.
It felt so wrong, doing this now, when they were worrying about Joshua even more than they had before.
It had taken a few weeks of endless badgering on the kid's part, but despite feeling very unsure about it, Missy had finally relented and allowed Joshua to spend this week in Houston at Harvey's place.
Apparently, in her book, the man had proven himself enough over the past three months.
She had bought Joshua a special GPS-watch, just in case. One with an emergency button with which he could call her anytime if he needed to be picked up.
And she had made her son promise to use this button. Without hesitation. No matter if he just felt homesick or if he was uncomfortable at his father's place. She wanted to know as soon there was any problem.
Since that decision had been made, Amy had tried to shake this bad feeling away. The thought of all the things that could go wrong about this.
It was not her place. As much as she loved Sheldon's nephew, she did not know enough about Harvey, and she had to trust Missy's judgement on this.
But then again, she had once trusted Missy's judgement, even over Connie's. And that had only led to horrible things.
Still, there was nothing left to do. She had voiced her concerns. And now, all she could do was hope.
And so, this morning, in about fifteen minutes, Missy would be driving Joshua to Houston and Sheldon and Amy weren't even in Medford to say goodbye to the little boy.
Amy splashed water into her face and entered the living room, where, to her great relief, Sheldon was still there.
He was sitting on the leather couch, wearing his green 'Green Lantern' shirt over a long-sleeved white shirt and held a comic book in his hands.
As so often, she stood there for a few moments and thought about how many times he must have been sitting there in that position during the ten years after that fateful day when they were supposed to meet at that coffee shop, pondering how different her life would be now.
Sheldon looked up and smiled at her warmly.
"Hey. I thought you'd sleep in today. Why are you up so early?"
He put the comic book away and she sat down next to him, taking his hand in hers.
"I wanted to see you before you have to go to work.", she told him. "And maybe have breakfast with you."
This was one part of the truth.
She also knew that Sheldon had barely slept during the night. Which, sadly, was nothing new.
For the past weeks, Sheldon had been surrounded by a dark cloud full of sadness and worry. And it was all because of a little boy who still barely talked to him.
"Just give him time. He'll come around.", Amy had told Sheldon almost every night before they went to sleep.
And then she had held him tight, trying to give him the comfort he needed, because she knew, his heart was breaking more with each day.
She nudged Sheldon softly and squeezed his hand. "Do you want tea?"
"Maybe later.", he shrugged. "Right now, I'm…"
"Worried about Joshua.", Amy finished his sentence and grasped his hand. "Me too. He should be leaving for Houston any minute now. I wonder if we'll hear from him or Missy."
"I hope he'll be safe.", Sheldon sighed, and Amy saw that it was breaking his heart. "I hope Harvey and his girlfriend will treat Joshua nicely and that their dogs will be well-behaved. And I hope Joshua will have an amazing time and that it will help him feel better… about everything."
"That's exactly what I am hoping too.", she nodded. "And I hope that… once he comes back… he will be ready to spend time with us again. I miss him."
Tears were forming in Sheldon's eyes as he nodded in agreement.
Amy wrapped both arms around his upper body and pulled him to her.
"Things will get better when we're back in Medford.", she said soothingly. "For all of us."
Sheldon shifted in his spot and pulled Amy into his arms, embracing her tightly as he pressed his cheek to hers.
"I have no idea what I would be doing without you.", he mumbled into her ear, and she held him even tighter in response. "This situation is making me… so anxious. But you always know what to say to make me feel better. And I love you for it."
Despite all the sadness, she enjoyed this moment very much.
It was so comforting, to know that she was able to make him feel better.
She brushed her fingers through his hair and gave him a gentle peck on the cheek. He moved his head and kissed her lips just as gently.
For a little while, they stayed in this position. Holding each other tight and sharing soft kisses. Finding comfort in each other's arms.
She startled a little when she heard steps coming into their direction.
And then, someone cleared his throat.
As she looked up, she was met with the sight of Rajesh who seemed to be staring at them in shock for a second.
Her cheeks heat up. She was not used to other people seeing her and Sheldon like this. And she knew, neither was Sheldon.
She could feel him let go of her before he took two deep breaths.
"You're up early.", Sheldon stated as Rajesh went to start the coffee machine.
Amy was surprised too. She had not seen their 'roommate' around much the last time she was here. And if she was honest, she preferred not to see him much.
"Yeah, I was going to sleep in, but then I got a call from… someone. So, if you want, I can take you to work after all, Sheldon."
His gaze shifted between her and Sheldon, apprehensively at first but then he seemed to smile to himself before he started setting up the table.
"So, how are you two? How's the wedding planning going? Is there anything I can help you with?"
His voice sounded much more cheerful than it usually did.
Amy looked at Sheldon surprised, but he did not seem to find this exchange strange in any way, so she decided to play along.
Having a roommate here was awkward enough. Maybe, just for this week, she could ignore the past few months when he had pretty much ignored her existence and make the best of this sudden change in his demeanor.
They got up from the couch and made breakfast then, all three of them together, while Sheldon and Amy briefly summarized their wedding plans for Raj.
It was only a bit more than two months until then, so apart from a few minor details, everything was planned out already.
Raj did not act too impressed by their plans, but he nodded politely as he listened. He seemed to be in a really good mood, almost like the day when he had taken Amy to his planetarium show and Amy kept wondering what was going on. This just felt… unusual.
After they had cleaned up the dishes, Sheldon excused himself to use the bathroom and Raj sat down at the counter again, waiting to drive to work.
"So, what are you going to do today, Amy?", he asked casually, just like he used to ask her sometimes during the summer.
Amy couldn't help but feel baffled by how different he was behaving towards her than the last few times he was here.
"Uhm… Penny's coming over in about half an hour.", she said carefully.
"Oh yeah, Missy mentioned that you two were going to talk this week. That's nice that you're trying to get along after everything.", Raj nodded.
Amy raised her eyebrows in confusion. When had Raj talked to Missy?
"By the way, I have been wanting to tell you how sorry I am.", he continued, and gave her an apologetic look. "I found Sheldon's whole plan ridiculous from the beginning and tried to be involved in it as little as possible. Still, I should have tried harder to get Sheldon to tell you about it. My mind was just… occupied… with other things lately."
"Uhm…", she stuttered. "That's okay, Rajesh. It's not like you and I are friends, so you had no obligation towards me."
He seemed sad for a second.
"You don't… consider me a friend?", he asked quietly.
"Do you?", she couldn't stop herself from asking.
"Well… I'd like to.", he admitted. "I know it cannot be easy for you, being back here after everything that went down. I respect you a lot for doing this."
She chuckled dryly.
"That sounds nice, Rajesh.", she admitted. "But after the way you have been avoiding me, I was assuming that you just did not like me very much and hated sharing this apartment with me when I'm here. So, you don't have to pretend for my sake."
His face fell.
"I'm sorry.", he all but whispered. "The last few months have been… strange. And then with Sheldon's stupid plan and your wedding planning and everything… I guess it was easier to just avoid talking to you. I did not mean to make you feel unwelcome here. And I do not… dislike you. At all."
He seemed sincere.
Maybe that was it. He had felt uncomfortable with keeping this secret from her. Maybe at least one of Sheldon's friends really had been thinking about her feelings during all of this.
She really wanted to believe it.
Even though Amy could not shake the feeling that there was more to it, she decided to give Raj the benefit of the doubt, if only so she could feel a little better about the fact that all his friends had been in on this plan.
"Well…", she shrugged. "The secret is out, and Sheldon and I have resolved matters. So, there is no reason for you to avoid me anymore. I appreciate your apology, Rajesh. Let's just move on from this."
Raj nodded.
"Thank you, Amy. I would like to… start this whole thing over."
"So, you've been talking to Missy about this situation?", she asked then, changing the subject. "I did not know you two were friends."
"Yes, uhm…", he blushed. "She has called me a few times lately, asking for… uhm… help with your wedding planning. Sheldon must have told her about this situation after you forgave him. She called me and wanted to know my part in it and then… we talked about how it affected your friendship with Penny and Bernadette. She seemed to be… quite upset at them."
Amy blinked. Missy had been calling Rajesh about the wedding? Why did she not know about this?
And she guessed, over the whole Joshua-situation, she had not really talked much about other things with her best friend. How come she did not know how her friend felt about Penny and Bernadette?
Before she could inquire about it, Sheldon came back and both men left for work shortly after.
And then, Amy sat down on the couch and closed her eyes for a second, trying to solve the question that had been on her mind for a while.
How was she supposed to handle this situation with Sheldon's friends?
The past summer replayed in her mind.
During those few weeks, Bernadette and Penny had been such wonderful friends to her. She had enjoyed her time with them so much. It was all fun and casual and they had treated her so well, almost like a sister.
She had missed them so very much when she had left Pasadena after those weeks.
And then, things had changed. Not at once, but gradually.
Suddenly, the both of them had started involving themselves in things that weren't really their business. They had overstepped her boundaries at times with the weird questions they asked about Medford or her job. She could not put it in words, but their friendship had started to feel weird.
For Sheldon's sake, she had not really said anything about it, but she had become less enthusiastic about meeting those two girls with every week that passed.
Well, now, she finally knew why everything had changed. The confusion was cleared up. But it did not make her feel better.
And while she knew that it had been Sheldon's plan that had changed things, she still felt that both Bernadette and Penny could have just not gone along with it. This thought kept gnawing at her, because if they really were her friends too, then they should have stood up for her and made it clear that it was not okay to go behind her back like that.
As someone who never had many friends in her life, these new friendships had meant a lot to her, and this situation had hurt her deeply.
A week ago, she had finally called them. Individually as she did not feel she could handle them both at once right now.
They both had apologized profusely and tried to explain their side. Amy had accepted their apology, but still made it known that she was not interested in going back to having weekly virtual girls' night with them right now.
But she did agree to meet them both during Spring Break, if only to make things less awkward for the future.
All too soon, there was a knock at the door and Penny was standing in the apartment with a bag in one and a cup holder in the other hand.
"Hey.", she said, smiling at Amy a little too brightly. "I brought breakfast."
Amy forced herself to smile back at Penny. "That's nice. But… I already had breakfast. Feel free to use the kitchen counter though. I'll just keep you company."
"I brought coffee too.", Penny added and put the cup holder on the counter.
"I don't usually drink coffee.", Amy shrugged her off. "But thanks anyway. I'll fix myself another cup of tea."
Penny stood there for a second, biting her lip. It looked like she was trying to figure out the situation.
But then, she finally sat down, and Amy handed her a plate to arrange her breakfast on before taking a seat across from her.
It seemed though that the blonde woman did not have much of an appetite after all, and the plate stayed empty while Penny was fidgeting with a fork.
Amy watched her closely. Was she nervous about this talk? Part of her hoped, she was.
"So…", Penny started after taking a sip of her coffee. "I'd like to start this by telling you again how sorry I am. About everything. This… should not have happened. None of it. I can understand that you are hurt and… questioning things. Looking back, I have no idea why I went along with Sheldon's plan in the first place."
"You did it because he's your friend.", Amy stated. "And people tend to cover for their friends. I do understand that, Penny. It's just that…"
"You are my friend as well, Amy.", Penny interjected. "So no, I should not have covered for Sheldon. I should have stayed out of it. Or made him tell you. I am really sorry."
"Am I?", Amy asked softly. There was no bitterness as she asked it. Not anymore. "Your friend I mean?"
"Well… at least I hope you still are.", Penny breathed out. "Look, Amy, I screwed up. I… thought I was helping Sheldon get back the life he was missing. But I did not consider how much this would hurt you."
Amy just sat and listened.
It had been almost three months since she had learned the truth. She had let go of her anger a while ago. What was left was disappointment. Because she had trusted these women and tried to be their friend.
"Penny, the thing is…", she interrupted the blonde woman's rambling. "A few years ago, I would have killed to be your friend. I would have said and done anything to be part of your world. I would have forgiven you anything and I would have gone along with everything you told me just so I could tell myself and other people that this perfect, beautiful, popular girl was my friend. Hell, I wanted to be like you for so long. But… I am not that person anymore. I am worth more than just being a puppy following you around. I deserve friends that I can trust. And right now, I am not sure if I can trust you. And no amount of book clubs or nights at the craft museum will fix this. Just… please stop trying to manipulate me. I've had enough of that."
"Fair enough.", Penny nodded. "But just for the record, Bernie and I did not suggest these things solely so you would forgive us. But because we realized that we never really made an effort to get to know you. And we wanted to fix that."
"Why?", Amy implored.
"Because…", Penny sighed. "We like you very much and we behaved horribly and… we really do want to be your friends."
"Do you want to be my friend?", Amy asked and looked at Penny seriously. "Or do you just want to be Sheldon's wife's friend to keep your little group of friends intact?"
"Wow, you and Sheldon really are made for each other.", Penny muttered. "He has asked me almost the exact same question a few months ago."
Amy was surprised to hear that. And then again not. She and Sheldon did tend to think alike very often.
"Well, that does not answer my question, Penny.", Amy said. "But just let me say this. The fact that you are Sheldon's friend does not mean that you and I have to be friends as well. So, if you are worried about that, you can stop now. You are very important to Sheldon. I will always respect that, and I will never come between your friendship. But even if we were to move to California, I am perfectly capable of making my own friends. So, there is no need for us to be anything but cordial towards each other."
"But I do want us to be friends.", Penny emphasized. "Not because of Sheldon. But because I like you. Very much."
Amy studied her face, trying to find out if that was the truth.
"Why?", Amy asked again. "You and I don't have anything in common, Penny. Why would you want to be friends with me if it weren't for my relationship with Sheldon?"
"You're right. We don't have things in common.", Penny admitted. "But I do not have much in common with anyone in our group. I've come to appreciate them regardless. And I've come to appreciate you and your friendship. We had so much fun during the summer. And while I often don't really understand what you are saying, I do know that you are one of the nicest people I have met in a long time. I want to be your friend, Amy, because… and I know that sounds hypocritical… I know that you are someone I can trust. And I cannot say that about many people I was friends with in the past."
Amy gave Penny a pained smile.
She sounded genuine.
"I wish I could say the same about you, Penny.", she admitted. "Because part of me does still want to consider you a friend. Because you are Sheldon's friend but also because of the fun we had over the summer. When I first met you, I thought you could become one of my favorite people. But I just… hate how things went down. And I have a hard time understanding it. I mean, I know Sheldon has difficulties assessing social situations. But you… how could you not have realized how wrong all of this was?"
"I'm sorry.", Penny breathed out. "And I know this does not excuse anything but… I was just so… desperate to get Sheldon back into our lives."
"Why?", Amy wondered. "I mean… you don't… secretly have feelings for him, do you?"
An image of Sheldon and Penny flashed before her eyes. The time she saw those two together more than ten years ago at the grocery store. The way Penny had touched his arm and called him sweetie.
Even though she knew, she did not have anything to worry about, this image was ingrained in her brain. The moment that had felt so painful, it had been the last straw for her to leave California.
"Feelings? For Sheldon?"
It seemed Penny had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
"Well, I am sorry if this sounds ridiculous.", Amy exclaimed. "But I just don't understand. Sheldon left, because he felt abandoned by all of you. Because you two had started a family and lived a life apart from him. You have a house and a husband and two kids. Your life is so busy. Why was it so important to you? Why were you desperate to have Sheldon move back here?"
"Because…", Penny sighed deeply. "I have a house and a husband and two kids."
"That's what I just said, Penny.", Amy told her gently. "You are not making sense."
Penny seemed to be at war with herself.
"I have never told this to anyone, Amy. And… I am not sure that I should. I mean… you would probably not understand. You are so… different from me. And you are a natural at things that are just… hard for me."
"Well, you did just say you felt you can trust me.", Amy pointed out. "So, try me. If you really want me to forgive you, then I need to understand what was going on in your head."
She had never seen Penny look at anyone this seriously.
"Alright.", she finally conceded. "Just… don't judge me too harshly, will you?"
"I'll do my best.", Amy promised apprehensively.
"It's just that I…", Penny sighed. "I really struggled with how much my life has changed since I moved out of this building. One day I was this young girl full of dreams living in the apartment across the hall I could hardly afford. And then in a blink of an eye, I was a mother. Living in a house with a white picket fence in the suburbs. This… was never part of my plans. And when it happened… it was so overwhelming."
Amy's eyes widened.
"Are you saying… you are unhappy with your life? Because, Penny, that would be…"
"No. Not at all.", Penny interrupted her. "But… I was. At first. And… I had no one to talk about it. No one who would have understood. Except maybe Sheldon. I was so desperate to talk to him about this, because ever since I knew him, he was the only person around here that I could be completely honest with without being judged."
Amy waited for her to continue.
"After Lucas was born… I did not feel as happy as I should have. The way it is expected of new mothers. I…", she sighed deeply before she continued, and she was barely able to hold eye contact with Amy.
"Leonard was a natural.", Penny breathed out. "He was so great with Lucas. I never had to ask him to change his diaper or take care of him for a while. He was thrilled to do these things. He's born to be a father. But I… I had no idea how to do that. I was waiting for all these maternal instincts to kick in. I love my son, obviously, but sometimes I just stared at him, thinking… how could I do this? I'm not cut out to be a mother. I couldn't even keep a fish alive. And… how can I live in this big house when I wasn't even able to keep my tiny apartment clean? The first few months… more than once I felt the urge to just leave. I thought Leonard and Lucas would be better off without me."
"And you never talked about this?", Amy asked concerned. "With anyone?"
"I could have never said any of this to Leonard.", Penny huffed. "It would have broken his heart. Bernadette would have told me there's something wrong with me. Sheldon… would have been the only person I could have told. I was always able to tell him things. That was our thing. And not because I had feelings for him, if you still think that. But because of the opposite. Sheldon and I were able to be brutally honest with each other, because we knew we cared enough about the other to listen, but there were never any complicated feelings that could have meant we could hurt each other with any truths we had to share. Almost like… siblings. When he left, I did not just lose one of my best friends. I lost a brother."
Amy nodded thoughtfully. Sheldon had told her similar things before. Not in these words, but close enough so Amy knew she could believe Penny would feel like this.
"Do you still feel this way, Penny?", Amy asked softly. "Do you still struggle with being a mother? Do you… need help?"
"No.", Penny answered, and her expression softened. "It took some time but… I grew into it. I love my children, Amy. Lucas is at such a cool age where we get to do fun stuff together and Becky is just… adorable. Leonard is so amazing with them. And I… well I will never be a natural at this. But I am doing my best. I am getting the hang of being a mother."
"I had no idea.", Amy said. "But… for what it's worth… from what I have seen, you are doing a great job at being a mother. I mean… At least you stayed and worked through your issues. That cannot be said about everyone in this situation.", her mind drifted to Harvey and Missy for a second. "You might not be a natural, Penny. But you don't have to be."
"I wish I were better at this.", Penny whispered. "You said before that you used to wish you were like me. But… ever since I saw you with Becky… I sometimes wish I was more like you. You are a natural at this, Amy. You are smart and caring. You are so good for Sheldon. You are an amazing godmother. And… I just really, really want us to be friends. Because while we do not have much in common, I really do think you are pretty awesome."
Amy bit her lip. Then, she shrugged.
She was not sure if she fully trusted Penny. If she was genuine or if she just tried to get into her good graces again.
But she wanted this to be true. She wanted to be seen like this.
And not just because of this fantasy of being friends with the popular girl. She already had this with Missy. And it was much better than any fantasy.
But because, despite her actions, she had to admit that she did like Penny, and she wished things could go back to how they were over the summer.
So, she would give this a try. Carefully.
"Thank you for trusting me with this, Penny. I promise I will not tell anyone. And… regarding our friendship… I guess, we can try, if you want.", she offered. "We can work on building a friendship together. But it needs to be equal."
"Totally.", Penny agreed.
"And while I respect that you are Sheldon's friend too and have been longer than mine…", Amy added. "You cannot be taking his side over mine all the time or help him keep things from me. And I don't mean you have to take my side or tell me secrets he shares with you. But if a situation like that arises again… I'd rather have you not pick sides at all."
"Fair enough.", Penny nodded. "Now do you want me to sign a contract about this?"
Amy chuckled.
"Sheldon and I might be very similar in many ways, but… I don't think it will be necessary.", she said shaking her head. "I think it's sufficient for us to just shake hands on it."
Penny extended her hand right away and Amy shook it firmly.
It was a start. A promising one.
An hour later, there was another knock at the door.
It was Bernadette, armed with two bottles of wine and a cake.
She too, gave Amy a heartfelt apology and Amy gave her the same speech about needing her to be someone she could trust.
She knew, neither Penny nor Bernadette would ever mean to her what Missy meant to her. Or what Connie used to mean to her.
But still, she wanted this to work. No matter where she would end up living, she did want to get along with Sheldon's friends. All of them.
Missy's POV:
"Well, our time is almost up. Before we conclude, is there anything you would like to discuss or any questions you have?"
Missy shook her head.
The last hour had been one of the most intense in her entire life.
"No. Thank you, Dr. Smith. I think… today was helpful."
"That's good to hear."
The friendly man, Missy guessed he was about sixty years old, nodded and looked at the notes he had been making over the past hour.
Before he ended their session, he once again went over the little exercises he had given her for the next week.
And then, with a deep sigh of relief, Missy found herself outside of the building where his office was.
It had not been easy for her to schedule these therapy sessions. She had never liked the thought of attending therapy. It had been suggested to her quite often in the past, especially right after Robbie had been imprisoned and she had always refused.
But everything had changed, when Amy had told her about what her son had said to her and Sheldon.
"Mom is always sad."
He was right.
She was always sad. Sad and… hopeless.
Sure, she had good moments sometimes. When she was out with Amy. Or during choir practice. Or lately when she got to escape into the world of romantic comedy with someone who still, after everything that had happened to her, saw her as the same person she used to be.
But even those moments were not truly happy. It was like she was trapped under a dark veil and everything, her whole world, seemed grey and unappealing.
And so, after hearing how her son was affected by her mood, Missy made a decision.
She needed to get better. If not for herself, then for her children.
She had been apprehensive when the recommended doctor turned out to be a man. She could not bring herself to trust men very much right now.
But after this second session with him, she felt he was the right person to talk to about these issues.
He was a good listener, which, she guessed, was a requirement for this job.
He was also very kind. His deep voice sounded serious and at the same time soothing. And – she had not expected that – he also had a sense of humor.
And, very unexpectedly, Missy had felt safe during this past hour.
Safe enough to talk about things. Not everything. There were things buried inside her that she just could not deal with right now. But enough to feel a tiny bit hopeful now.
On the way back home, Missy thought about her little son who was so far away from her right now.
After the things she had just talked about, she wanted nothing more than to pull him into her arms.
But that would not be possible for a few more days. He was in Houston right now. Hopefully having a great, fun time with the father that had just reentered his life.
Missy was a little bit proud of herself.
Although she was almost going crazy with worry, she had resisted the urge to keep checking the app on her phone that was connected to his GPS-watch. She had also resisted the urge to call him every day to check on what he was doing, like she had on the first weekend she had allowed Harvey to take Joshua to Houston.
It was one of the exercises her therapist had given her the past week.
Provided she felt that she could trust Harvey to keep Joshua safe, she was supposed to use this time to do something for herself.
Well, she did not trust Harvey completely, hence the GPS-watch. But he had kept Joshua safe until now, so she had agreed to three days of not checking on her son.
She had taken out Ellis for Ice Cream. She went to the movies with Jared and Greg. For the first time in forever, she had gotten her nails done.
Three days of trusting that everything would be fine. Three days to herself without constantly worrying.
After all, what could go wrong in only three days?
And now that those days were over, she couldn't wait to get home and finally call Harvey to speak to her son again and hear how he was doing.
She pulled her car into her mother's driveway and took a second to check on Ellis who was currently playing with her grandmother.
Then she went outside to sit on the front porch and dialed Harvey's number.
"Hello Missy.", he heard a voice on the other line. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you today. Is everything alright with the kids?"
Missy furrowed her eyebrows.
Kids? Plural?
Maybe she had misheard.
"Ellis is fine, Harvey.", she said. "I was calling to ask about Joshua."
"Joshua?"
He sounded slightly confused.
"Yes, Joshua.", Missy said, feeling confused now as well. "I know it's your time with him, but I thought, after three days, I could check in and ask how he's doing. He isn't homesick, is he?"
There was a long pause and slowly, Missy could feel her chest tighten as a bad feeling began crawling up her spine.
"Missy, is this a prank call?", Harvey asked, his voice sounding weirdly upset. "I haven't heard from Joshua since you came to pick him up Tuesday afternoon."
"I…", Missy started, her eyes widening. "Harvey, you are messing with me, right? I did not pick up Joshua. It's Thursday. You cannot seriously be telling me he's been gone for more than two days."
"But…", Harvey stuttered. "Joshua told me you called him on his GPS-watch. Said you changed your mind and did not want him to stay for a whole week. I was… angry at you because I had all these fun things planned. But… I also understood."
Missy's hand started shaking.
"I did not pick him up, Harvey.", she repeated. "I was not at your house at all. So how can you think I picked him up? Tell me the truth. He's still with you. Tell me. Now."
She had raised her voice at the last few sentences.
This had to be a misunderstanding. It was the only possibility.
"Uhm…", Harvey sounded really uncomfortable now. "He said you were going to pick him up at the train station and that you promised him to watch the trains there for a while. Nora took the dogs for a walk and dropped him off there. She was in a hurry because she had to leave for work shortly after that, but I am sure she would not have left him there without making sure you were there. I assumed… Oh shit. I can't believe… where is he? What happened?"
That's what Missy wanted to know too.
And she wanted to scream at Harvey. Ask him if he was out of his mind. Why would she pick Joshua up at the train station? How could he have his girlfriend drop him off instead of doing it himself. Why did he not call her to confirm Joshua's story?
But there was not time for that.
"I… I cannot believe this.", she hissed. "I need to… hang up now and call the police. I expect you to do the same thing. Find my son, Harvey. And don't you dare call me again unless you found him."
"I'm so sorry, Missy, I…"
Missy did not hear the rest as she hung up the phone and ran inside, tears already streaming down her face.
The harsh reality started to sink in.
Her son was missing.
Her sweet, innocent little boy.
Where was he? What happened?
"Mom!", she yelled.
She quickly explained everything, barely able to keep her voice from breaking, and her mother took out her own phone to call 911.
Just then, Missy thought of something, hoping against hope it would be helpful.
"The app.", she exclaimed. "Maybe Joshi is still wearing his GPS-watch."
With shaking fingers, she clicked on the icon.
"Damn it.", she muttered as she got a notification to update the app first.
She barely listened to her mother who was now starting to call everyone she knew.
Finally, her screen loaded, and she clicked on the map.
"The watch is still connected, it just updated his location two minutes ago.", she said, and her mother stood close to her to look at the screen as well.
"I don't recognize these street names.", her mother said after stepping closer to her. "Is he still in Houston?"
Missy zoomed out of the map a little bit and gasped.
"How is that even possible?", she exclaimed. "How did he get there? That's… crazy. It cannot be true. A six-year-old boy cannot possibly get there all by himself. It must be a mistake."
"Where is he?", Mary asked urgently. "Speak to me, Missy, please. What happened?"
"That's what I want to know.", she exclaimed. "I need to call Sheldon. Right now."
So, I can imagine that some of you are surprised, maybe upset with the development in Joshua's story. I never wrote that before, but his side story is inspired by a bullying case I have encountered in one of my very first years as a teacher. Not in my own class, but still, it was disheartening, to see how little was done about it then. I have changed many details, because I don't want anyone to be able to recognize this case, but I can tell you that it was bad, and I almost quit teaching because of it. So, for everyone who is infuriated by the little action the school is taking in this story, believe me, I share your sentiment!
Joshua's story, unlike the real-life case, will end happily.
And on another note: Initially it was not my plan to have Joshua spend Spring Break with his father. It was meant to be a weekend. But then, luckily, I looked up the distance to the place I wanted him to run away to and realized it would take a lot longer than I thought. As someone from a small country in which it takes about 6 hours to travel from one end to the other, those huge distances in the USA still baffle me at times. I know, having Joshua spend time with his estranged father for a whole week seems extreme, but this is one of the times I just had to bend reality a little bit for the story to make sense. I hope the way I wrote it is at least a little bit realistic.