(okay guys I am so excited for this Chapter! Enjoy I LOVE the reviews keep them coming. As a reminder I dont own VA)
Chapter Five
"I want Dimitri." my heart is pounding, my hair is dripping with sweat and I honestly feel like this is never going to end. I'm exhausted. I don't feel very much pain, the epidural kicked its ass but I have never been more tired in my entire life. All I want is the man I love, the father of my child beside me and knowing he can't be here is making this so much harder.
Lissa rubs my back "I know Rose, you can do this one more push come on."
One last push I can do that. I bare down and push as hard as I can breathing and letting go with a loud sigh as the doctor tells me to stop only moments before I hear that sweet cry.
"She's beautiful." Lissa whispers in awe as she helps the nurse open the top of my gown so that the doctor can place my daughter on my chest.
Tears roll uncontrollably down my face. "She has his eyes." my baby looks up at me with big brown doe eyes, her cries calmed by the sound of my heart. "Hi baby I'm your mamma."
I don't notice the Doctor stitching and cleaning me up but before I know it my legs are off the stirrups and tucked into a blanket.
A nurse comes and takes my baby. "I'm just going to get her cleaned up then we'll bring her back to eat okay?"
I smile at the nurse and let my head fall against the pillow. I did it, she's really here.
"You did so amazing." Lissa holds my hand.
"I can't believe this is real." I whisper downing the water they bring me. Not too long after the nurse bring a pink little bundle back over to me. She looks up with wide eyes, her tongue bouncing in and out of her mouth. " Hey little one, I've waited a long time to meet you."
She's so small, I'm scared she might break right in my hands. "Lissa, do you want to hold her?"
She nods enthusiastically, taking her from my arms.
Abe and Adrian walk in both bearing flowers. They make their way to Lissa and peer at Lennon "Kidz you did a good job she's perfect." I smile as they take turns cooing and cuddling Lennon, I will always miss Dimitri and no one will replace him as her father, but as I watch my family dote on my daughter I know she will ever want for love.
(A few weeks later.)
"Come on baby girl please go to sleep, mommy can only run without it for so long." She hasn't slept more than three hours at a time since I brought her home. I love her so much it's insane but I desperately need sleep. Lissa came and stayed a few days which saved me but that was two weeks ago and I can't keep this up. I changed her diaper, she's completely emptied both my breasts of any milk. I tried a bath and singing but nothing is working. Suddenly I have an idea, still cradling Lennon I go to the book shelf and pull one of Dimitris westerns off the shelf. Please God let this work. I settle on the bed and nestle Lennon so I can hold her and the book.
Taking a deep breath I open the book, the moment I start reading she settles and before I know it her eyes are drooping and she becomes heavy in my arms. My heart warms as a single tear slides down my cheek. I don't know if it's because she is finally asleep or if it's because it was her fathers favorite book that lulled her there. Carefully setting her in the bassinet by my bed I turn to my closet and pull out Dimitris hoodie. Pulling it over my head and climbing into bed I try to imagine him holding me. As I fall into a much needed sleep I can almost smell his aftershave.
I wake to the sound of Lennons cries, the sun is high pouring in through the window. She slept like seven hours straight. Feeling like a brand new person I wrap my robe around me and pick her up. I have only just done this when there is a knock at the door "Now who could that be?"
Checking the peephole and seeing it's only Abe I let him in.
"How are my favorite girls?" He takes Lennon out of my arms and starts bouncing her lightly in his arms.
"She slept for like seven hours last night. I feel like a new ?"I pull two mugs from the cupboard, setting them on the counter and pouring the liquid gold into each mug.
Abe laughs sitting on the couch "Yes, please. She's so perfect kidz."
"She looks just like her father." I whisper, setting the cup on the table in front of him.
( Threeyears or so later)
"Come on Rose please? She wants to come so badly." Lissa begs.
"Oh, fine but don't buy her anything too crazy and no sugar please."
Lennon jumps up and down "Thank you mommy! I love you the very most."
I sweep her up in my arms ``Nope I love you more." she giggles as I hand her over to Lissa.
I have a mountain of homework and it's been too long since I had a nice long soak in the tub. Lennon will be safe with Lissa, she'll probably come back with frilly dresses and another cowgirl hat. I can probably blame myself for that one, to be fair reading Dimitris' old westerns is the only thing that gets her to fall asleep. She's so much like him, so calm and reasoned. She does have my temper though her tantrums are a force to be reckoned with. She's been my rock but sometimes she sounds so much like him it hurts and those eyes belong to him without a doubt. I've done my best to make sure she knows as much about her father as possible, I tell her stories and she has a picture of him hidden under her pillow she thinks I don't know about. She asks me to read her his books all the time forget the normal toddler bedtime stories. Sighing with the weight of motherhood sitting on my shoulders, I start the water and plug the drain, pouring in bubble bath and salts. Shedding my clothes I slide into the water relaxing into the warmth. I close my eyes and let my mind wander and I find myself back in the gym at .
"Do you ever wish you had picked a different life, Comrade?"
"What do you mean Roza?"
I closed my strategies book, continuing " Ever wish you had chosen a family over guarding?"
"I've always wanted children, but who said we have to choose?" He opens the book up again.
My heart plummets, I guess a part of me hoped he would say something along the lines of I love you we can't have children so it doesn't matter.
He must sense my disappointment because he moves closer to me, then looking both ways he places a soft kiss on my lips before walking out of the gym without another word.
Always so stoic, except that night in the cabin. He was so gentle so loving and open. Who would have thought the best moment in my life would be followed by the worst. Almost four years and we still have no idea what happened. He could be out there leading his own Strigoi fleet for all I know. My heart aches. I hope that isn't the case. I hope wherever he is at peace because he deserves that. I, realizing the water has grown cold I pull myself out feeling more down then when I got in.
I sit in my office and answer a few emails, working for Abe has been interesting to say the least. I handle almost all of his legal investments, but I still run into some interesting characters. Finishing up there I face my homework. One more year, just one more year and I will have my degree. Abe would never fire me for not having it but it makes me feel like I'm actually contributing and not mooching. I know Abe has more money than he knows what to do with but I can only take so much without feeling like a complete loser. Although he definitely pays me more than I am worth. Speaking of math, why does a business degree require so much?
An hour or so later Lennon bounces through the door wearing, you guessed it, a cowgirl hat. She is also carrying three bags. "Lissa, what did you buy?"I groan as Lennon drops the bags in her room.
"Just a dress and a few outfits, and.-" before Lissa can finish Lennon burst from her room.
"Look mommy, I'm like daddy." she skips out proudly wearing a little duster, and I don't know where I want to laugh at how ridiculous the overly expensive piece of clothing is.
"Yes baby you do." I whisper, pulling her into a hug.
Lissa looks toward me with guilt. "I'm sorry she saw it and I couldn't get her to leave it alone."
"It's, okay Lis, she just wants him to be a part of who she is." a sad smile crosses my face "Stay for dinner, we're having mac and cheese."
"YAY! I love mac and cheese." Lennon bounces up, throwing her hands in the air.
"Well then I guess you better go wash up before I eat it all myself." before I even finish my sentence she's in the bathroom washing her hands.
"You still miss him don't you?"
"Everyday Lis, she's so like him sometimes it hurts." Lissa pulls me into a hug before helping to set the table. She really is my best friend.
Later that night after Lissa has left I rile the little munchkin into bed, she absolutely refuses to take off the duster for anything other than bath time. After an hour of trying to coax her to take it off I give up. "One more chapter mommy please?"
I groan these westerns are going to be the death of me right now. "Fine but then it's straight to sleep." She nods and snuggles in.
After finishing the chapter, kissing her head. I leave the room not quite closing the door all the way. I have one more assignment I need to finish tonight so I pour myself a cup of coffee and settle in. I've only just gotten into a rhythm when there's a timid knock on the door. Who in the world could that be? I peek in at Lennon before going to answer. "Lennon Marie Belikov I see that flashlight go to sleep." I close the door right now not wanting whoever the visitor is to keep her up, if it's Abe she'll never go back to bed if she sees him. Another knock sounds "Coming!" I reach the door and pull the handle, when I do my breath stops in my throat. There in the doorway I am met with deep chocolate eyes. That's all I see before my legs give out and the world goes black.