"Merlin's Beard!" I heard as I walked down a deserted hall leading to the kitchens, though, with so few people in the castle, all the halls were deserted. "It can't be."

I turned around to see Professor Slughorn walking towards me, a beaming smile on his face. "Hello, Professor." I greeted.

"Ruby Winston, my old star pupil!" he boomed, walking up to me. "It's been too long. I have been keeping up on your success though. Youngest Head-Healer in almost two centuries, I always knew you'd do impressive things. Very glad to know that one year of a subpar potions professor didn't derail you."

"Subpar?" I questioned, unsure what he meant.

"Severus." Slughorn clarified. "Though, I must confess, I'd considered him one of the best students of my career for quite a long time, very impressive boy. I was glad to hear that he was named my successor, but now, considering…" he trailed off, his face taking on a deep look of sadness. "Well, I can't imagine he was a very welcoming professor. I have found that students are much more receptive to warmth than intimidation."

"I agree that his demeanour was in no way friendly, but he did possess great knowledge." I reasoned. "I still don't think I would consider his teaching subpar, though considering…" I matched his example of avoiding actually saying what we were considering.

"Such a promising young man taken in by the appeal of darkness." he said, shaking his head. "Not unlike You Know Who. He had always shown promise as well, should have had a bright future had he not been corrupted by the promise of power. I wish I could say over my career that I learned to tell the difference between the likes of Severus and yourself, but it would seem I am still quite easily fooled. How old were you when you were made Head-Healer, by the way?"

I shook my head. "Twenty-four, but it was really more a matter of timing than actual skill."

"Nonsense!" Slughorn argued. "They'd have been foolish to have given the position to anyone else. I'd not lost track of you, you know, I have the photo of you they used in the Prophet in my office. I tell anyone who will listen of what an accomplished student you were."

I could feel myself blush. "Really, it was a matter of timing. The old head of the third floor was retiring and I had been coincidentally doing quite a lot of work with poisons and potions. My name was thrown out there and it stuck. I don't believe I'd done anything to make me a shoo-in."

"There is nothing wrong with a bit of humility, Miss Winston. However, one should also learn to recognise and acknowledge one's successes."

I nodded. "What about your achievements? Teaching again, after all this time? What brought that about?"

"Albus Dumbledore could be quite convincing when he set his mind to it." he said, his face paling. "Knew precisely where to find me when I didn't want to be found and made me an offer I was in no position to refuse." His eyes moved to a distant place, his attention absorbed by the replaying of a memory in his mind.

"He did have quite a way of convincing others to do as he wished." I said, remembering my own Dumbledore request.

"How do you mean?" Slughorn asked.

"Oh, er, it's nothing. He asked me to do something I really didn't want to do, but I did it anyway because…well, he was Dumbledore. I often wonder how things would have turned out had I not followed his instructions."

"Albus seemed to always know what he was doing and worked with the best intentions. I hardly believe he would steer a student wrong." Slughorn gave me a consoling smile. "I'm sure you've nothing to worry about. I am curious though, what brought you back to the school? Why would you want to come to a place so dismal as this?"

I obviously couldn't tell him that Severus Snape and I had fallen in love during that only year of him being my professor. That the request of Dumbledore had been that I end things with him and that I had wiped his memories. That I had believed him lost to me for over a decade but that I was the only person in the world who didn't believe he was capable of murder. Or that in going to him to find out what really happened, uncovered that he remembered me, believed I didn't want him, and since, have rekindled our once lost romance. "I have to admit, I was surprised when I received the request, but the students deserve a matron who is caring and kind, especially now. If Madam Pomfrey was no longer going to be here, then I knew I had to be. I couldn't imagine who might take over if I did not."

"He seems to be bringing in the worst of the worst." Slughorn said, shaking his head. "Your arrival was certainly a welcome surprise."

"I'm always glad to hear that." I said, forcing a smile. "I really should be going though, I'm rather starving."

"Ah, yes, of course." he said, nodding his head. "Don't be a stranger, visit me anytime you like. It seems like you and I are the only good people to stay behind. My office is the large one on the sixth floor."

"I'll be sure to stop by." I said. "It was nice seeing you."

I continued on my way to the corridor that housed the portrait into the kitchens. As soon as I turned, I was met with an unwelcome sight; Amycus Carrow. His eyes darkened as they focused on my face, his mouth curled into a grin that made my blood go cold.

"My, what have we here?" he asked, stepping closer to me. I took a step backwards, placing myself back into the hallway I had come from. He took a larger step forward, closing the space I had created between us. He reached out a hand but paused, his attention pulled to the side where I noticed Slughorn was still standing. He hesitated, his eyes flicked from Slughorn back to me, his lip twitching into a scowl. He made a low growl that I'm sure only I could hear as he turned the opposite way down the hall. I avoided looking back at Slughorn as I continued again towards the kitchens.

I listened to the satisfying scuffling of my shoes on stone as I walked down the corridor, anticipating the moment when the gargoyle would enter my sight. It had been a couple of days since the centaur attack and I'd decided I had avoided arguing with Severus as long as I could. I should make sure the injury was healing properly, might as well get it out of the way before tonight.

Fat, white snowflakes drifted softly outside the windows as I passed. Nothing filled me with childlike wonder quite like snow on Christmas Eve. I would much rather be sitting in front of a warm fire, cozying up with Severus, and reading a book with a cup of hot chocolate. Hopefully he wouldn't be too cross with me and we'd be able to make that a reality later.

The gargoyle appeared ahead, I sped up, eager to get what would undoubtedly be a tense encounter with Severus over. It still baffled me why he always fought with me when he was hurt. I was well aware that he could handle things on his own, but he shouldn't have to, not when I'm there. I muttered the password and the gargoyle hopped aside, allowing me up the winding stairs.

I opened the door slowly so as not to startle him if he was deep in concentration, which was not uncommon. I stopped when I heard voices. I held the door partially open and I could hear two voices but not make out their words. One was clearly Severus but I couldn't place the second voice. I could tell it wasn't either of the Carrows so I risked opening the door further to peek inside the office.

Severus' back was turned to the doorway as he sat in a chair near the fireplace. He was hunched over, his elbows rested on his knees and his head was in his hands. His posture was defeated and for a moment he was silent. I didn't see anyone else in the office with him and wondered who the second voice belonged to.

"She has been nothing but trouble since the day she arrived." the stranger's voice said.

Severus shook his head, when he spoke his voice was muffled by his hands. "That's not true."

"It is!" the voice argued. "You've hardly been here, you've been too busy protecting her and keeping her entertained. She has to go, Severus."

His shoulders fell and he lifted his head to look at the portrait of the pointy bearded Phineas Nigellus Black. "I asked her here, I can't just send her away."

"She's a distraction, Severus!" Phineas shouted.

"I love her!" Severus' voice cracked.

"You have hardly been in your office and when you are, she is in here. You're not concentrating on the task at hand because you're too busy fornicating with her!" I could feel my cheeks burn red with embarrassment.

Severus' head snapped up the portrait. "If you talk about her like that again, I'll use your portrait as kindling!"

"My frame is secured by a very strong enchantment–" Phineas gloated before Severus interrupted him.

"Any enchantment can be broken, I wouldn't test my abilities if I were you." he spat.

Phineas' jaw clenched in annoyance. Something caught his attention and his eyes flicked to the doorway, landing on me. "Fine." he said, his gaze resting on me for a moment before returning his attention to Severus. "But the fact remains that you have an important task to complete. A task that is currently being ignored and I can imagine will continue to be as long as she remains in the school."

Severus returned to his hunched position with his head in his hands.

"Miss Winston has always been a distraction for Severus." Albus Dumbledore's portrait chimed in.

Severus' head snapped up at the addition of the second opinion. "I've had about all I can take of you, Albus. You've done more than enough."

"You made your choice, Severus." Albus said in a calm tone.

Severus stood quickly, I shrank back into the doorway at his sudden movement. "I made a choice based on partial information! You interfered in something that was none of your business!"

"I made my request to Miss Winston based on what would be best for the largest number of people." Albus said, maintaining his calm. "And when you came to me seeking help for Lily–"

"Forget about Lily!" Severus yelled. My heart twisted at the phrase coming from him. "There is a difference between first loves and great loves. I may have robbed myself of my first, but you–" He turned to the portrait of Dumbledore. "You stripped me of my greatest love. You forced me to become a murderer, you've made everyone I'd ever considered a friend despise me, you've made me live my life chained to the consequences of a plea made by a frightened boy! And now, I must adhere to the utilitarian sacrifices needed for the greater good while you rest easy in your grave." He hung his head, favouring a view of the floor over that of the former Headmasters. "I know Ruby cannot stay," his voice was soft, defeated. "But I am not strong enough to make her go."

He lowered himself back into his chair, head in his hands. I wanted to go to him, run my hand over his back, comfort him. Would I be a comfort to him right now? Based on what I had just heard, I felt more like a burden. I looked back up to the portrait of former Headmaster Black, the image of him was already staring at me, the expression on his face was stern and intimidating. I looked back towards Severus, he had not moved. I could feel my heart plummeting, beating rapidly as it fell into my gut. My hands were shaking, I could feel my eyes stinging and my throat closing around the building tears. I took a step backwards out of the office and pulled the door shut as silently as I could. I stood in front of the closed door for a moment, fighting to maintain composure before making my way back down the twisting stairs.

My mind was a blur of thoughts coming in and out with bits of the conversation repeating. I didn't want to leave him. I hated the idea of abandoning him again. We could go back to our Friday meetings, but after spending this kind of time with him those meetings would never be enough for me. I could try my hardest not to cause any trouble, no more journeys into the forest or run-ins with the Carrows. I would stay in the Hospital Wing and leave him in his office until his task is complete. What would I tell him the reason for this change was, if I suddenly distance myself from him he will wonder why. He might be hurt or think I'm falling out of love with him. I couldn't tell him what I'd overheard, I was certain that he would have never wanted me to witness that conversation. She's a distraction. Was that all I was? A way for him to forget his troubles, his duties, his mortality? I shook the consideration from my head, of course not. I love her! It was one thing to hear him say it to me, but to hear him say it with such conviction to another, it filled me with warmth. He really did love me, there was no question about it. What I did question was whether or not I was strong enough to leave him when he wasn't strong enough to make me go.

I found myself in the Central Hall. I hadn't remembered making a conscious decision to go there and it was quite a long way from the Headmaster's office. I walked up the steps to take a seat on a bench next to my favourite painting in the entire school. It had always provided comfort when I was a student and perhaps that's why I had brought myself here. The man holding a mandolin began strumming on his instrument, plucking out a gentle, enchanting melody. I closed my eyes, forcing every thought from my head and allowing the notes to wash over me. Perhaps, if I sat here long enough, the music would bring me to the right conclusion. Perhaps, if I sat here long enough, a decision might not have to be made at all.

"What's this? A lost little lamb?"

My eyes snapped open at the unexpected voice. Approaching me was Amycus Carrow, a sinister grin spreading over his mouth. "I was surprised to see you had not left with your flock."

I was already exhausted, already on the brink of tears, and I was in no mood for whatever this was. "Do you really think I want to be here?"

"Do you think anyone wants you here?" he snapped. "Do you think the Headmaster would have even allowed you into this school had he known what you really were? A deceptive little mudblood!"

Panic flared in my chest. The music from the portrait had stopped. I was surprised I could tell over the sound of my own heart pounding in my ears. I'd never been in this position before but I knew that it wasn't good to be muggle-born in front of a Death Eater. I could argue with him that I was a half-blood of sorts but I had a feeling that being the daughter of a squib would be no better, if not worse. I moved my hand slowly to my pocket, reaching for my wand.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." he said, coldly, pointing at me with his own wand. "Put it down." He paused and I hesitated. "PUT IT DOWN!" Startled, I placed my wand on the bench beside me. I could still easily grab it if I needed to. "Stand up." I looked down at my wand.

My second failure to act immediately was too much. Amycus seized me by the wrist, tearing me from the bench, spinning me around before slamming my back against the wall by the bottom of the stairs. His body pressed against mine as he pressed me uncomfortably against the stone wall. "Mmm, you're even more appealing close up. So soft, delicate." he stroked his thumb down the inside of my forearm. I ripped it from his grasp without a word. "I could spare you, you know. You really are quite pretty, especially for a mudblood." he lifted his hand, sliding his fingers down my throat, over my collar bone to the neckline of my dress, lingering with his finger tugging at the fabric.

"I would rather die." I whispered defiantly.

Amycus clicked his tongue at me in disapproval. "So dramatic." He lifted his wand to my face, sliding the tip of it along my jaw. "But, I don't believe I need your consent. I can do with you what I wish and no one of any importance will care what happens to you." He pressed his body harder against mine, quickly running his tongue up my throat, and aggressively crushed my lips with his. I used all of my strength to push him back before slapping him across the face as hard as I could. His hand rushed up, grabbing me by the throat, smashing me back against the wall. I gasped for air against the crushing force of his fist. "Then again, why befoul myself for a few moments of what I can only assume would be sub-par pleasure?" He lifted his wand, pressing the tip painfully into my throat.

I closed my eyes and waited. My mind flashed to Severus. I was so sorry for him, for everything. He had already been through so much and once again I was adding to it. I shouldn't have forced him to meet with me all those months ago, if I had just accepted that he remembered me and just allowed him to move on, to let him go with the knowledge that I hadn't hated him, that I had always loved him, that I would always love him. I could have let that be enough and none of this would have happened.

Amycus dug his wand tip further into my throat. I tensed, I could feel the involuntary tears cascading from my closed eyes. I'm so sorry, Severus. I repeated the words over and over inside my head. The repetition was oddly comforting. Why wouldn't he just kill me? Why was he toying with me? "Avada…" he whispered in my ear, his hot breath on my neck.

A guttural noise pulled me from my repentance. The stabbing pain at my throat was gone. Arms wrapped around me. I let out a scream as I scratched and pushed at my attacker, my eyes flying open to see Severus in front of me. I looked frantically around for Amycus, finding his crumpled, unconscious body draped over the bottom of the stairs to my right. I snapped my attention back to Severus, his black eyes filled with as much terror as I felt. I pulled him in, violent sobs racking my body. I clawed at his robes, unable to get close enough to him. He stood still, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

"Everything is alright." he whispered. "You're safe now. No one is going to hurt you."

I pressed my face into his shoulder, muffling my sobs with the fabric of his robes, fresh tears bursting forth. "I'm so sorry, Severus. I was so scared. I thought–"

"Shh–Shh," he soothed, "There is nothing to apologise for. You didn't do anything wrong."

We held onto each other in silence. I couldn't stop crying. His hands rubbed up and down my back as he held me tightly. I lost track of time in his embrace, silence stretching on.

Severus took a deep breath, I could feel his shaking exhale. "You can't stay here anymore." His tone was hollow, it wasn't a command, more of an unfortunate realisation. I nodded my head in understanding against his chest. His arms enveloped me tighter. "Don't let go."

The feeling of being squeezed through a tube overwhelmed me. I didn't have to open my eyes to know we were back in my flat. Severus continued to hold onto me. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to let go first or if he didn't want to let go either.

"Ruby?" a voice called from deeper in the apartment. "Is that you? I was told that you were being kept prisoner over the holidays. Can you help me find a potato masher?"

I felt Severus jolt in my arms at the sound of Susan's voice. I held on tighter, afraid that he would disappear. "Stay with me, please." I whispered, my voice still thick with tears. .

"Of course."

I took a deep breath, my body jerking as the air entered my lungs. He didn't consider his answer, didn't hesitate for a moment, he answered as though his were the only possible response. He was willing to risk the exposure of his entire plan, without a second thought, for me. He knew how much Susan hated him, especially now, and how likely she was to overreact at the sight of him, and yet, he was willing to stay. He was willing to risk everything he had worked for, but I quickly realised I wasn't willing to let him. "But you have to go." I sighed, shaking my head against his chest, wanting to feel close to him before he was gone.

"No, I don't. If you want me to stay, I'll stay." he whispered. "I'll always stay."

I forced what I hoped was a convincing smile, looking deeply into his cautious eyes. "If this plan is to work, everyone must believe the lie, remember?" I looked up at him, his eyes frantically searched my face. "I'll be fine, go."

He pressed his lips gently to mine, I could taste the salt of my own tears as we kissed. He pulled back, hesitating.

"Go." I whispered insistently.

The corner of his mouth twitched downward and he was gone with a crack.

"Who's there?" Susan called out. I could hear her footsteps coming from the kitchen. Soon she was reluctantly looking around the corner, armed with a metal whisk. Her eyes scanned over the area before landing on me, her stance immediately relaxed. "It is you! I thought I heard two…" Her posture changed. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

"I'm done at Hogwarts." I said, shrugging and hoping she bought the nonchalance.

"That's not what I'm asking and you know it." Susan said, pointing at me with the whisk

"Nothing is wrong." I said. "I was dismissed."

Susan sighed. "Alright, let's pretend that's true." she said sarcastically. "I don't know if you think I'm stupid or if you think you're better at hiding things than you are. Your eyes are puffy and tear stained and your neck is all red and blotchy. Something happened, why are you so secretive lately?"

My hands were shaking and Susan's observations and questions were making bits and pieces of my encounter with Amycus replay in my mind. I missed Severus. I wanted Severus. I needed Severus. His presence had made me think I was more composed than I was. I had thought I was alright, but I wasn't and I wished I hadn't sent him away. I wanted to be held in his arms, feeling safe and protected. I brought my hand to my chest in an attempt to stop the pain in my heart and hold down the rising anxiety. Tears welled in my eyes, I couldn't breathe, my legs went weak, and I collapsed to the floor on my knees. Susan rushed to me, dropping to her own knees, wrapping her arms around me. It wasn't the same. "I thought I was going to die." I was able to choke out in broken sobs. "I was preparing to die."

"What are you talking about?" Susan asked, rubbing her hand up and down my back in a soothing, motherly embrace.

"He…he attacked me." I said, beginning to feel disassociated as I stared ahead at the wall. "I didn't do anything and he attacked me. He…he said he would spare me if I agreed to–" The thought disgusted me and I couldn't bring myself to put it into words.

"Who?" Susan asked, holding me out at arms length, her eyes looking me over as if the answer was written on my face. "Who attacked you? It was Snape, wasn't it? I told you he was trouble and to stay away from him–"

I pushed her hands away. "No! It's not Severus! It's never Severus! I wish you would stop villainizing him every chance you get!" Her eyes went wide and her jaw went slack with surprise. "It was Amycus Carrow, he cornered me, made me surrender my…wand. I forgot my wand, I don't have my wand, I left my wand behind. What am I going to do? I can't go back there–" I trailed off. I hadn't been without my wand since I'd gotten it from Olivander's when I was eleven.

"...Ruby…" Susan said after a moment, her voice was quiet and her words were slow, as if she wasn't sure of what question she was asking as she asked it. "If you don't have a wand…how did you apparate back here? How could you have apparated from the school at all?" Her eyes narrowed and her brow creased as her attention fell elsewhere. I followed her gaze to my hand where the ring from Severus sat glittering in the dim light trickling from the kitchen.

Her chest rose and fell with rapid, short breaths as she returned her attention to my face. "Who brought you back here?"

My heart caught in my throat. Susan had grown exceedingly attentive during her time as an Auror. She was able to draw correct conclusions from even the smallest, most insignificant bit of information. The fact that she was asking this question meant she likely knew the answer. "I think you already know." I whispered.

Her eyes went wide and she breathed a sharp intake of air. A long silence followed as she stared through me. I could almost see her mind working as she started shaking her head. "I can't do this." She said finally. "I've been hoping, for years and years, that you would move on, that you would see what he truly is, that you would finally realise that everything was an illusion and he wasn't who you thought he was. No one would judge you for your mistake. You were young, you were in love, everyone looks past things when it comes to matters of the heart, but Ruby, this is too much. He's a known murderer, a death eater, hell, he's a prominent death eater, one of You-Know-Who's favourites. He has put my children, who I thought you loved as your own, in so much danger. You went to the school, you saw how he's running it, and you still…I knew you shouldn't have gone. I thought you handled this."

"I thought I had!" I argued. "But he remembered me, he's a very skilled Legili–"

"He remembered how easily manipulated you were!" she shouted. "You cannot be serious about him."

"There is so much you don't know." I pleaded.

"Yes, I assume there are many unsavoury things that he has done that I know nothing of." she spat.

"That's not true and that's not what I mean!" I shouted.

"Then, please, enlighten me." she challenged.

I paused. I desperately wanted to be able to defend him but doing so would expose the entire plot. "I can't." I choked. "I would hope that you trusted me enough to take my word that he is not what he seems to be."

Susan's eyes brimmed with tears as she shook her head. "He has addled your brain. Are you so suggestable to think that anything he has done is justifiable?" She refused to meet my eyes. "Forget any standing invitations you have with me or my children. You are no longer welcome in my home as long as you consort with him." She stood up and looked down at me. "I can't believe you would be so accepting, so gullible, so…so…so stupid as to believe whatever lies he has fed you."

She stared down at me for a moment. There was nothing I could tell her that would convince her of anything other than what she already believed. I cried on the floor pathetically, watching as my longest friendship was crumbling before me.

"I'll do you the favour of not reporting you to anyone, don't make me regret it." She lifted her wand and was gone without a goodbye.