~I was once again worried for my safety as we sped home in the most suffocating silence.~
CHAPTER FOUR - SINGLE
My eyes drank in the man sitting at the desk next to my own, a man who was most certainly not there yesterday. I swallowed as I tried to casually make my way to my desk, my eyes averted to look anywhere else but him. But it's like I could feel his gaze burning into my head. I uncomfortably sat down, nodding at him with a forced smile. His lips twitched and I just knew he knew what I was feeling. Uncomfortable, the need to flee and the crushing weight on my chest made it hard to breathe. I could only beg this class to pass by quickly so I could blend into the crowd. Maybe go to the truck and cry during lunch? If I ran into the forest could I be eaten by a bear? That seemed almost like a better fate at this point.
"Good morning, Vega." Jasper's husky voice broke me out of my darkening thoughts. I snapped my head towards him, my eyes meeting his instantly and I swore my heart stopped. And I'm certain he heard it as well if the minuscule twitch of his lips was something to go by.
Snap out of it Vega! Of course he did, they're vampires! They're meant to dazzle their prey. PREY! I nervously blinked, stuttering out a "Morning." Before turning back to my bag as I yanked my notebook out. Another wave of anxiety rippled through me, could I really do this for the rest of the school year? Class thankfully started, cutting Jasper off from whatever it looked like he wanted to say. It was close to the end of class when I decided to text Bella that I would be forgoing lunch to read in the library. It wouldn't necessarily be a lie, but I was practically vibrating all class. And I could feel myself calm down only to shoot back into a panic, because it wasn't my doing that I was relaxing. No, it had to be Jasper. And that sent me into an entirely different panic.
As the bell rang I darted from my seat, not giving Jasper a chance to talk to me as I weaved through the people in the hallway. Slamming the door to the bathroom open and rushing into a stall, locking the door and clenching my teeth. The weight on my chest pressed down with more pressure as I forced myself to breathe.
To put it simply, I was overwhelmed. Exhausted. And as someone accustomed to panic and anxiety attacks I just knew I was on the cusps of one. Bile rose in my throat, compelling me to vomit profusely into the toilet and I was silently thankful I was already in a stall. Eyes burning, I sent a silent thanks that it was already lunch and this bathroom was far away from the cafeteria meaning I could take my time and not be embarrassed to be seen. After handling the mess, I stood at the sink, refusing to meet my own gaze in the mirror. I just knew I looked like shit. I splashed the cool water on my face, using the small towel in my backpack to pat it dry before grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste. It was an awful habit to have, keeping them in my bag but when I never knew if I'd break down and throw up they were lifesavers to have.
My body felt weak and it was nothing short of a miracle that I wasn't still a shaking mess. By the time I checked my phone, I noticed lunch was already half over. With a final glance in the mirror, I found myself becoming horrified with the puffy red eyes and red spotted cheeks in the reflection—knowing it wouldn't last but the visual was ugly. Deciding it wasn't worth trying to get to the library I meandered to the next class, arguably the worst class—physics. Mainly because the class dragged by and also because I would sit the entire class picking at my cuticles while I thought of every reason to not attend history.
Alas, I could not skip history and every step I took toward the classroom felt like my feet were coated in lead. But I made it and of course Jasper and Emmett were already there. I stiffly sat down, trying to force myself to relax but my entire body was tense. I could feel Jasper's eyes burning into the side of my head and when I felt like I couldn't ignore it anymore I glanced over, dark chocolate meeting whiskey and I felt warm inside again—I didn't know how to feel about that. His brows were usually pinched and a constant look of pain was always to be found on his face but now his brows were furrowed, eyes looking at me with concern. "Are you alright, Vega?" He asked cautiously.
The warmth had spread through my entire being, my anxiousness was like waves during the worst storms but after looking into his eyes it settled into calm, wading waters. I swallow, giving a little hum as it becomes just a little easier to breathe again. And I knew something was off about the entire thing but the warmth encasing me was far too comforting at the moment. "M'alright." I respond after a moment of basking in a warmth that should not have been there. And I just knew something was going to go terribly wrong because I had never felt whole after waking here—as Vega Swan—until I met Jasper. A person I wanted to stay far away from.
He looked like he relaxed a bit after I verbally responded. His eyes scanned over me before coming to stare back into mine, "Tell me if you need to go to the nurse." He insisted, and usually I would brush someone's concern off but he seemed worried so I just nodded.
"Maybe I have whatever your brother has." The lie rolled off my tongue with ease. Of course I knew Edward wasn't sick. Truthfully I forgot he made a disappearing act. Well that was until Bella texted me freaking out and I assumed the Cullens said he was sick.
Jasper's eyes twinkle with secrets—and I find them far too pretty to look away—as he immediately responds, "I doubt it." His gaze is intense—as always it seems.
"I'll be careful anyway." I quip before class starts.
I nearly groaned in frustration when Mr. Jefferson announced we have to partner up for the assignment. It's then that I feel Jasper inch closer, his presence feeling warm despite his frigid temperature—another oddity I refused to think too long or hard on. "Would you do me the honor of being my partner, Vega?" Jasper asks kindly, his voice dripping with honey and something heavier that I can't pinpoint. His stare was singeing my skin, or at least that's how hot he was making me feel.
I nervously but pointedly glance at Emmett behind us, nibbling my bottom lip as I ask "Are you sure?"
He barely spares Emmett a flick of the eyes, "Always."
Emmett is doing his very best to not stare at the strange interaction happening in front of him. And I can't blame him. I also have no reason to turn him down and I feel like a similar situation happened yesterday but I agree nonetheless.
Partnering with Jasper was the correct decision. I was great with history subjects and Jasper quite literally lived it so it would only make sense that we finished our worksheets early. While we waited for the class to end Jasper started asking questions, starting with basic ones—favorite color (yellow), favorite drink (coffee), favorite music (after what felt like five minutes of me trying to decide I settled on city pop or folk, Jasper flashed a very quick smile when I said that)—that now tread into a deeper territory.
"Do you miss anyone from Arizona?" He prods. Is he asking because they want to know if anyone in Arizona will notice if I go missing?
"Mm, not really. I didn't have a ton of close friends back home." It wasn't an outright lie. I didn't have friends I hung out with or talked to outside of school, period. I huffed before pursing my lips and accusing him of only asking me questions, not allowing me to ask any at all.
He holds his hands up in mock surrender and it's probably the most relaxed I've ever seen Jasper, "Ask away, Darlin'." My heart stuttered with the pet name and I'm ashamed. I was certain Jasper was never this…flirtatious in the series. Will Alice come murder me later because of this? Lusting after a vampire is one thing. Lusting after a taken one is an entirely different line to cross.
I lick my lips, my clear gloss long gone, before asking the same question he did causing him to huff a little snort as he tried to contain his laughter and the warm fuzzy feeling inside me spread like a fucking wildfire. He appeased me though, diligently answering all the same silly questions.
Brown (I pressed my lips together at the unusual color choice), tea (I almost choked on my spit as I tried to contain myself from the lie—but of course he had to lie because he can't say blood), "Folk. 70's, old school country, protest songs—anything with a message and history really." (That answer intrigued me the most because Bella nearly despised me when I played folk music loud enough for her to hear. It also made me ponder if he regretted his past. But those thoughts were too deep to dive into when in school and not the comfort of my bed.)
I mulled over my next question, wondering if I should take the easy way and seem oblivious or step a little too close to the imaginary line I've drawn myself and ask about Edward. I decided somewhere in the middle, "What's the real run down on your family? Bella got the scoop from Jessica Stanley but…" I trailed off with a tilt to my voice, showing how much I trusted the words of some random girl who wasn't part of the Cullen family—which was about as close to nothing as one could get.
He raised an eyebrow, clearly shocked by the question but shifted and started to explain—the lies that everyone in school knows anyway, "Our adopted parents, Carlisle and Esme, took us all in. Rosalie and I are twins and Esme is actually our aunt and foster mom, we've been with her since we were eight. Edward, Alice, and Emmett were all adopted. Carlisle works at Forks Hospital—he's a doctor and Esme stays at home but she's amazing with home design." He leaned in closer, "Rosalie and Emmett fell in love so they're together now. Alice is too busy trying to match make and Edward might be perpetually single."
I was shocked for a multitude of reasons but the first question out of my mouth was, "And what about you?" Bringing a violent blush to my face I could feel.
His lips twitched and it looked like he tried not to smile or laugh, "I am single." He stressed the word, his eyes piercing and my traitorous heart had the nerve to flutter!
"Ah." I stumbled around in my brain for another question, "I heard you guys moved here recently too. Was it hard?"
He seemed surprised yet again, "No, not hard per say. The weather is similar at least. We moved from Alaska. We received a lot of stares but it was a small town and everyone grew up together. We were the outsiders."
I took in what he said. I know they want to blend in with humans but what's the point if they just avoided and didn't befriend some people. I get that they'd have to let them go at some point in the future but was it really worth subjecting oneself to that kind of treatment every time? Being looked at like some exotic zoo creature? Couldn't be me.
Before I could respond, the bell rang and I realized speaking to Jasper wasn't all that bad. As long as we remained a healthy distance apart—both literally and figuratively. I didn't want to see what kind of monsters plagued him and I also didn't want any deeper connection than someone to speak to at school. And maybe have someone I can be on friendly terms with when Bella inevitably gets with Edward. I gave a little wave and an awkward as fuck smile before leaving the classroom in a hurry. I could hear Jasper say my name but I went along as if I hadn't heard, praying it was believable with how loud the hallways were already.
Bella was fuming by the time she made it to the truck that I had now affectionately dubbed The Beast in the time I waited for her after staring at it for a little too long. I knew Bella's mood was Edward's fault just like I knew I would be on the receiving end of her rant. I was once again worried for my safety as we sped home in the most suffocating silence. Getting home was quicker than it should have been but I didn't open my mouth when Bella practically kicked the door down to get inside. I didn't comment as she apologized before closing her door to her room, signaling she wanted some alone time. I didn't bother changing since I wanted to go to the grocery store but going with Bella was definitely out of the question now.
"Bella, I'm running to the grocery store. I'm taking The Beast!" I shouted before descending the stairs, grabbing the keys, and making my way to the drivers seat for the first time.
I wasn't a bad driver—but I certainly wasn't confident as the engine roared to life. I carefully made my way to the nearest grocery store—the only grocery store—and heaved a sigh of relief when I finally parked and turned the engine off. Maybe my own vehicle would do me some good. I ambled out of The Beast, hurrying inside to escape the cold and wet air. The store wasn't large but it had everything I needed. It was also empty inside, aside from the cashier, a person stocking shelves, and the one other shopper I saw.
Steaks and chicken for dinner this week, potatoes to roast, broccoli and tomatoes to sauté, bread and lunch meat for sandwiches, goldfish crackers, salt & vinegar chips, and earl grey tea bags. The coffee selection was…underwhelming but I made do with what was there before grabbing creamer, liquid and powdered since dad preferred the powder. It was one of the most mundane tasks and yet I felt at peace, the most normal I've felt since the move. Too bad that feeling was viciously ripped from my body as I watched the heavy rain fall from the front doors of the store, bags feeling a lot heavier all of a sudden.
"Vega?" A musical voice called from behind me, forcing me to turn around and see Alice fucking Cullen. Because apparently I can't escape the family.
I refused to flinch as I plastered on, a no doubt, awkward smile and bobbed my head, "Yeah…Alice right?"
She gave a bright smile that was nearly blinding, "Yes! It's so good to finally meet you!" Her energy was coming off so strong.
I glanced back outside, the torrential downpour looking more welcoming than it did a moment ago if it meant I escaped the weird encounter I was stuck in. Her eyes followed suit, faux shock on her features as she took in the sight—as if she hadn't already known. I smacked my lips, "We'll, I should go before the food sits too long. Nice to meet you, Alice."
"Ah, wait!" She exclaimed, far more frantic than I liked to hear because why wasn't she letting me leave? "I'll get Jasper to help you. We came with Esme, we go grocery shopping every Tuesday." Just hearing his name made my body do things and I didn't like it. And her randomly volunteering when they come shopping? Weird as fuck. I would be avoiding Tuesday shopping now.
"It's alright. I really have to go." I bolted before she could pretend to call Jasper, who could probably hear everything from wherever he was with their superhuman hearing. The rain was freezing as it pelted down on me, barely bouncing off my winter coat and soaking into my sneakers. Ugh—nothing worse than wet, cold, feet. My toes already hurt from the chill. This entire event made me want to invest in some winter boots immediately. A vehicle and winter boots have been moved to the top of the list of things to purchase as soon as possible.
It took record breaking time to get back home, all feelings of unease of driving The Beast now gone as the anxiety caused by the Cullens crept in instead. Bella came down right as I stepped inside, offering an apology for not going, and fell into step with me as we put the groceries away. My heart was still thrumming wildly from the chance encounter with Alice. I knew I should have been more prepared to face them all, especially considering I wasn't planning on stopping Bella from pursuing Edward. I just wanted to stop the more terrible event that followed. James, Edward's departure, Bella's depression…the list goes on really. I really wanted to avoid the looming threat of a newborn army.
"I can cook dinner tonight since you did the shopping?" Bella offered as she already began pulling ingredients back out.
"Mm. Thanks." I respond, my mind sinking into thoughts and causing me to be far too distracted.
As Bella started chopping and cooking, she huffed "I can't believe he didn't come to school today!" The knife slamming down a little too hard on the cutting board, making me flinch and question if either of us were okay enough to be wielding one right now.
I shrug as nonchalantly as I can, "If you mean Edward, I heard he was sick."
"Ha! I heard they barely take sick days from Jessica. I think he's avoiding me." She grunts, trusting the words of good ole Jessica Stanley. Because she obviously has all the secrets and correct information.
"I don't know, Bells. Jasper said Edward was sick and I believed him. He did seem a bit worried." I left out the part where I looked unwell to have brought forth that conversation.
Her shoulders slumped, "Fine. I just—I really think I'm going to confront him. Ask him what the hell his problem is." My sister Bella was far more of a spitfire and had more backbone than series Bella for sure.
"I'll have your back the whole time." I reassure her, wondering how far I could step into their world without actually having to be in their world. I had a very bad feeling that it was going to be far harder of a journey than I was prepared for.
That night I dreamt of being under the burning stars, feeling more alive and complete than ever as whiskey colored eyes looked at me with such adoration and love that I felt like I was floating.