Thanks to all of you who continue to read.

Chapter 9: Apologize

Thursday, the two enforcers stopped at their lockers before lunch. Fulton watched for Lizzy to exit her class and when she did, he angled his body to keep Portman from seeing her. "Port," Fulton said.

"What?" Portman answered, digging through his locker for his homework for their math class.

"I know I said I'd stay out of it and I really should—"

"You really should. Don't ask, Dude. Please." Portman seemed to know exactly what Fulton wanted.

"How can I help if you if you don't talk about it?"

Portman turned and looked at him as Fulton braced his arm against the locker next to Portman's. They stood in silence for a few moments. "Lizzy always walks Guy and Averman to class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday before lunch. They have art and she walks right past there to go to lunch. Crystal Deam comes out of art before lunch. I was waiting for Lizzy that Monday and then Crystal came out. She leaned back against the lockers beside me and told me she had a secret I had to know. The best way to deal with her is like a bandage, rip it right off, so I asked what it was, but she said it was a secret. I leaned in and next thing I know it looks like I pinned her to the locker and kissed her. As soon as I realized, I pulled away and she was smirking. It didn't hit me that Lizzy could have seen it until she was about halfway through blaming me. Crystal kissed me, Fulton. I never meant to or wanted to hurt Liz. She's the best thing in my life. Losing her hurts like hell even though you have yet to follow through on your promise." When Portman realized how much he liked Lizzy and found out how protective the younger Bash Brother was of her, he confessed his feelings. Fulton had sighed, though a bit weirded out by it, agreed to let the older boy date her under the condition that if he had ever hurt the girl, Fulton would make his life a living nightmare. For the first time since they had met, Portman actually feared his best friend. After first he had been wary of the boy but the look in Fulton's eyes, the fierce protectiveness, Portman didn't doubt he'd be in for it if he was the reason things went south for their relationship.

"Why didn't you tell her all this?" Fulton asked curious, drawing the enforcer out of his thoughts.

"She was so angry. You didn't see her that day. Those pretty blue eyes ... I'm sorry I ever broke her heart. I deserve anything you do to me. Just know that nothing you can do will ever make me feel as bad as the heartbroken look on her face. I blew it and I know it. Jeff says to give her some time, eventually she'll cool off. When she does I can explain, but I don't know if it'll ever be the same. I feel like we've become Maverick and Iceman." Portman, not knowing how to get the girl to understand what had happened, had turned to his older brother Jeff. While anger was the first emotion most girls felt in that situation, Jeff told him, it usually only masked the pain and hurt for a bit. When that anger died down he'd be able to explain. The only thing Jeff hadn't counted on was his brother waiting nearly a month before trying to talk to the girl.

"You do remember that at the end of the movie they become friends, don't you?"

"You know what I meant. You'll talk to her, won't you? Convince her to give me a chance."

"I'll try. Head to lunch, I'll be there in a minute." Portman walked off and once he was gone, Fulton turned to Lizzy who was nearly in tears. He opened his arms, but she just stared at him.

"I'm a jerk," she choked out. "A complete, total, and irrefutable jerk. How could I do this to him?" Lizzy asked.

Fulton's arms dropped to his sides as he looked at her carefully, wondering what to say. "He deserves your kindness even of you don't think so."

"It's not that I don't think he deserves kindness because he does, I just don't know what to say to make things okay between us."

"Like I told you. Just apologize. That will go a long way."

"Reed, Jacobs, shouldn't you two be in class?" their math teacher asked.

"Going to lunch," Lizzy answered. They headed to lunch and Fulton wrapped his arm around Lizzy's shoulders.

"Once again, apologize and listen to what he has to say. It'll go a long way." They got lunch and sat down with the Ducks.

"You alright, Liz?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Lizzy answered. Adam watched her for a moment then went back to his lunch. It wasn't until after play practice that Lizzy had a chance to talk to Portman. "Port, can you wait up a minute?" Lizzy called.

"Uh ... sure," Portman answered hesitantly. He stopped outside the door and looked at her almost like he couldn't believe she was talking to him.

"Listen, about what happened between us ..." Lizzy trailed off.

"Can we talk about this after dinner? This is going to take a while and I'm hungry." Not only that but he needed time to gather his courage. Plus he wanted her to eat. He knew if she really listened to him she'd turn self-destructive and he didn't want her to miss another meal because of him.

"But—" she protested.

"I promise, we'll talk, just let me eat first." Lizzy sighed but followed him to dinner. Finally they sat down in Lizzy's room. She sat down on her bed and he sat down on the empty bed across from her. "You were saying?" Portman asked.

"I apologize for jumping the gun. I should have let you explain," Lizzy told him.

"Explain what exactly?"

"What happened between you and Crystal."

His eyes widened. Sure, he had expected Fulton to talk to the girl and get her to give him a chance but he hadn't expected it that soon. "You want to know?"

"I know it's shocking, but I think it's time we had this out in the open, don't you?"

"Aren't you still mad at me?" Portman asked confused.

"A little, but I think if you told me what happened, I might not be so upset," Lizzy answered.

"Well, what do you know?"

Her voice was soft and gentle when she answered. "Goose, just tell me what happened. Please." Portman sighed but looked down at his hands and explained things the way he had to Fulton. When he finished he looked up to see Lizzy with her bear in her lap. Lizzy took a deep breath as all her fears were confirmed. Jumping the gun the way she had was wrong and she had just ruined a perfectly fine relationship for no reason at all. She slowly let out the breath and it came out shakily. "I'm a jerk and an idiot and most importantly, I apologize," Lizzy told him.

He stared at the girl in disbelief. She refused to meet his eyes. It was heartbreaking all over again. Then it hit him that she was apologizing. That wasn't how it was supposed to go. "For what? You didn't do anything wrong."

"If I had just let you explain, this wouldn't have happened."

"Us breaking up? Maybe not now, but admit it, Lizzy, our relationship was going too well to have not ended in failure."

"Yeah, but ..."

"Do you still think this is your fault?" Portman asked, staring at her in disbelief.

"How could it not be? I jumped the gun." Her blue eyes finally met his hazel ones. The look in them was unsure.

"True, but it was also my fault." Now she was confused. Portman stood up off the spare bed and sat down on the bed next to her. "Yes, you jumped the gun and dumped me before I could explain, but it's mostly my fault. I told Fulton what happened and I told him that one of the reasons I didn't get what you were talking about when you started blaming me was because I didn't think there was a chance you even saw that. What I should have known was that even if you hadn't seen it, you would have heard about it. It's high school, the rumor mill works faster than Luis works on girls. You saw it, didn't you?" Lizzy nodded. Portman hung his head. "I should have told you. Right after it happened or some time that day. Anything would have been better than what I did. Lizzy, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know we can't go back to what we were, but maybe we can find a way to be friends."

"Maybe."

"I know this is going to be hard, but isn't it what you want?"

"Honestly no, but I know that's what's best for all of us. You can't just expect us to get back together after we both messed up. Besides that wouldn't be fair to Tex. I did say I'd go to Sadie's with him and that we'd see what's left between us."

"You feel like you owe it to him?"

"I owe it to myself. I'm apologize, Goose."

"No more apologies. We'll just try to move on. We have to. I don't want to because it means losing the best relationship I ever had, but it also means I can keep one of the best friends I've ever had."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah," Portman said softly. "I want you to see if there is anything between you and Cowboy. I know the way things ended and you deserve that chance."

"Thank you. That means a lot." Lizzy smiled. Portman gave her a side hug then after a few moments he stood and left the room. He had just postponed getting his girl back but he knew for the sake of his teammate, and for any future relationship he had with Lizzy, he had to let her figure things out with Dwayne. That boy was the only real threat to their relationship and he didn't want to feel threatened when he could let them explore and realize that there was nothing there. He still had two years of high school left. He could wait.

When Lizzy's plans for a baseball car wash fell through she was slightly upset but instead managed to convince the dean to let them hold a donation booth in the hallway near the cafeteria. Friday, the baseball team lost to Henry High but most of the guys were more pumped for the dance on Tuesday than bummed by the loss. Saturday and Sunday, Lizzy spent most of her time hanging out with Dwayne. Sunday afternoon they were hanging out in his room, he too didn't have a roommate as there were an odd number of guys on the jv hockey team, and as Lizzy drew his picture he looked at her. "Do you remember the first time I brought you home?" Dwayne asked.

"As your friend or girlfriend?" Lizzy asked, looking up at him briefly.

"As my girlfriend," Dwayne answered.

"You taught me how to make your mom's cornbread then showed me how to tie a lasso. I still have that one." She was leaning back against his pillow and the wall at the head of the bed as he leaned back against one of the posts at the foot of the bed. "The lasso you taught me to tie." He had wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder as he walked her through the less complicated than she thought, steps.

"I still remember what Rosie told me. 'She's good for you, she makes you smile. I haven't seen you smile like that since you joined the hockey team.' She was right. You were very good for me. You made me smile, you made me laugh, you reminded me there was more to hockey than just being good at it," Dwayne said.

"Are you saying I don't remember that?"

"No," Dwayne answered. Then he went silent, staring down at his hands.

"You're thinking about what would happen if we got back together," Lizzy said softly as she put down her pencil and sketchpad on the table.

"Have you thought about it?" Dwayne asked.

"We never did go wrong. You were always good for me too. Showed me a life outside of hockey and sports but it was almost five years ago. You and I have both grown up. Changed."

"It was two years ago. End of eighth grade that we started dating. Part of me didn't want to come to Eden Hall because of that."

"Still, we've grown up. Look at how many friends you've got now. Friends that like you for you and not because you're Mr. Hockey."

"I am not Gordie Howe great. I'm very good but I ain't that great. It'll be a sad day for hockey when we lose him."

"Yeah, Dwayne, I've thought about it but I'm not sure if getting back together is a good idea. After everything that happened with Portman, am I really ready for another relationship?" Lizzy asked, picking at her short fingernails.

"You wanna give up on us?" Dwayne asked.

"No, I'm not sayin' that, I'm just saying that maybe I could think about it for a little bit. I know you're not pushing for anything and that is amazing. I really do like you, I'm just not sure I'm still good for you, or anyone at this point."

"Thank you, for thinkin' about it at least," Dwayne told her smiling.

"Do you remember teaching me to saddle a horse?" Lizzy asked grinning.

"You picked it up in ten minutes. And when I got you up on that horse, you bonded so quickly. That's why my dad never had a problem with you riding Saber." He smiled at her. Saber was the only stallion on the Roberstons' ranch.

Slowly her heart was melting all over again. He really was a great guy. "Rose told me the first day I rode Saber how shocked she was I could even get near him. No one but you and your dad ever could and he melted like butter when I approached him."

"You have that effect on people. Just look what you did for Portman. He's always been the slightly rougher Bash Brother but with you, he scaled it back. Most of the time it takes a while for people to get to know the real him but it didn't take quite as long with you. Plus he was more willing to be himself with you. All of us could see it."

"I should come down sometime this summer. Go riding again. I miss riding," Lizzy said.

"And I miss the pool you had," he answered as she picked up her sketchpad and began sketching again. They talked for a while longer, reminiscing about the good times and laughing about things that had seemed so horrible in the past. By Tuesday, Lizzy had weighed the pros and cons of a new relationship with Dwayne and by the end of the day, they were dating again. She knew that the Ducks weren't completely okay with it, but she could tell they were trying not to show it. By the end of the day, Lizzy collapsed on her bed with every intention of just falling asleep. She had just begun to relax when there was a sudden pounding on the door. "Go away, sleeping," Lizzy answered.

"If you're sleeping you wouldn't have answered," Julie answered as the door opened. Lizzy looked over to see Julie and Connie in the doorway. "Now, I know you're exhausted, but—"

"You promised Cowboy you'd go to the dance," Connie finished for her.

"I know, I know and I know if I explain how tired I am, he won't make me go, but I can't do that to Tex. You know, I never thought pigtails would work for the two of you." Julie's blonde pigtails were braided and Connie's brunette ones weren't.

"What exactly are you wearing?" Connie asked.

"That," Lizzy answered, shoving her finger towards her spare bed. Connie and Julie both turned to look and saw black boots, black jeans, a white tank top, red plaid t-shirt, and a black cowboy hat.

"That's cute," Connie said.

"Now, scram so I can get dressed, if you're still insisting I go." Both girls nodded but left the room. Lizzy took a deep breath then hauled herself up and got dressed for the dance. When she finished she French braided her pigtails then stuck her black hat on her head. Something felt missing so she finished the look off with a red bandanna around her neck. Then she joined the girls in the hall but found they weren't alone. Guy, Scooter, Charlie, and Portman were also standing there. "Where's Dwayne?" Lizzy asked.

"He said he had to go get something," Charlie answered.

"Oh," Lizzy said. She nervously rocked back and forth on her feet.

"Are you two okay?" Scooter said, waving his finger between Lizzy and Portman. "'Cause everybody wants to know."

"We're fine," Lizzy answered.

"Okay," Scooter said slowly. He shook his head then looked at Julie. "Shall we?" Julie nodded and took his hand. They and Connie and Guy left for the dance.

"This is awkward, I'm going to go. Don't kill each other. There's too much explaining with that," Charlie said to them. They both nodded and Charlie walked off.

"Soooo," Lizzy said, dragging the word out.

"Yeah," Portman answered. He licked his lips nervously. "How can we be friends if you can't even talk to me?"

"I'm just ... the team is nervous and I don't know what to do. You know me, I always have the answer but now, I just don't know what to do. It's like they can't accept me and Dwayne, if there is something between me and you."

"We're friends, Mav, that's as far as it goes. I'll talk to them."

"Don't threaten them, just talk to them. I would, but I don't know what to say."

"Say to whom?" Dwayne asked, walking up.

"To the rest of the team," Lizzy answered.

"I'll handle it," Portman said. "A word, Cowboy?" Dwayne nodded and stepped away from Lizzy. Portman followed. Lizzy couldn't tell what either was saying, but she could see that Dwayne looked a bit nervous. In the end Dwayne nodded and Portman walked off.

Lizzy walked over as Dwayne smiled at her. "What did he say to you?" Lizzy asked.

"Nothing worse than your brothers." Dwayne smiled. Lizzy and Dwayne had started dating in mid-March of their eighth grade year. Chris, Ben, and Seth had been there the Sunday of Lizzy's first official date with Dwayne and had all threatened him. "This is for you," Dwayne said as he pulled the red carnation from behind his back.

"Aww, Dwayne," Lizzy grinned.

"Knew you'd like it." Dwayne tucked the flower in her hat band then escorted her to the dance. The dance passed mainly uneventfully.

About halfway through the dance, Adam asked her to dance. As they danced, Adam looked down at her. "Lizzy, Dwayne makes you happy, right?" he asked.

"Of course he does. Dwayne is a great guy," Lizzy answered.

"Then as long as you're happy, it doesn't matter who he is," Adam said.

Lizzy looked at him through the half-dark room. "What did Dean say to you?" Lizzy said.

"He just said that the two of you were done and that you were happy. Told me as long as you were happy, we had to support that. He didn't say anything that I didn't already know. He's good for you."

"Thanks, Adam," Lizzy said. She looked at him. Then she had to know the truth. "He said this to all the Ducks?"

"I'm sure he will at some point," Adam answered. "Are you really happy with Dwayne? And no trying to manipulate me. I'm probably the only person on the team who can see through it."

"I'm done with trying to manipulate people. It's not fair and it's not right. It makes me selfish and a brat. I don't want to be either," Lizzy told him.

"And when that manipulation comes from a place of love, you're neither."

"Yes, I'm very happy with Tex. He's so simple it's refreshing. He doesn't worry about being tough and he cares about me and not about what everyone else thinks."

"Good, because that's all that matters," Adam told her. He smiled then spun her back into Dwayne's arms.

Over the next week, the baseball teams collected money between classes and at lunch plus during the games. Wednesday before her meeting with the school board, Lizzy totaled the amount they had raised and found out they were $1,000 short of what they needed to get new uniforms and gear. "Hey, Liz," Kenny said, peaking in Lizzy's open doorway, "this came for you. I don't know how it ended up with my stuff but it looks important."

"Does it say who it's from?" Lizzy asked, putting down her pencil and looking up.

"The Junior Goodwill Games Committee," Ken said, reading it off the envelope.

"The Goodwill Committee? What do they want?" Lizzy asked. Kenny shrugged and offered her the envelope. Lizzy took it and opened it. "It's a check, for $1,000. You know Bombay said he'd try to get them to donate but ..."

"I know you have your problems with him, but he is a good guy," Kenny said.

"Yeah, maybe. Thanks, Kenny," Lizzy said.