Once the official word came in from Weisshaupt, Elissa knew her life was about to change again. She had been given two choices, leave the Wardens or undertake the joining again. She had refused to go through the joining again, so she decided to return to Highever with Fergus before she had the baby.
She and Anders had concocted a cover story to give to King Alistair as to why Elissa was no longer the Warden-Commander. They had prepared a letter from Anders to explain that Elissa was travelling to Weisshaupt to report on Ferelden, and possibly be made Warden-Commander in Nevarra. She had no idea if Alistair would believe it, but she couldn't have him snooping and finding out about the pregnancy.
There hadn't been time for mourning, and thinking back, Elissa wasn't entirely sure if she had done any mourning over the last few years. She didn't have the time to mourn her parents properly, nor did she mourn losing her relationship with Alistair. Maybe it would all come in time, or maybe too much time had passed since then. Deep down, she knew she wouldn't mourn her parents until they had a proper burial for them. She would always love Alistair, and a small part of her still held onto the little glimmer of hope that would see them back together one day.
Suddenly, it was as if everything that had burdened her had spilled out and a devastated sob tear out of her as tears quickly fell down her face. She fell to her knees, sobbing against the bed, letting out hurt that weighed her down. Nothing would ever be as it was. She would never have her parents with her, never see her Nephew grow up. She was cursed to spend a life loving a man who hated the thought of her. How could she ever be a good mother to her child when the Maker saw fit to devastate her over and over again?
Fergus watched as the Wardens helped to move Elissa things to the carriage, sighing heavily as he hoped that they'd make it back to Highever in time. Although Elissa wasn't due for a while yet, Anders had told him that Elissa's body was getting itself ready to deliver the baby so it was time to go. Fergus had been insistent that they get back to Highever quickly so Elissa had time to settle before the baby was born, and Elissa knew better than to fight him on it.
It should feel like a happy time, but it wasn't. Fergus was going to have his little sister back, along with a cherished niece or nephew, but he just didn't feel happy. He felt guilty instead. He knew how devastated Elissa was when then news came in from Weisshaupt. She tried to hide it as she always did, but he knew. He didn't want to drag her back to Highever, but for the sake of the baby, they had to leave.
"Is Elissa ok?" A voice came from behind Fergus interrupting his thoughts.
"She was sleeping when I last checked on her."
"But she's not ok?" Anders asked.
Fergus sighed. "No, she's not. Just a few years ago, everything was perfect. I had a family, and Elissa was due to get married, now what's left?"
"You have each other." Anders leant against the door frame, crossing one foot over the other as he watched the rain fall harshly on the other Wardens as they finished loading the carriage. "I don't remember my family, but you have treasured memories."
"I know, Anders. I just wish that they were here to make more." Fergus reached out his hand and let the rain fall into his palm. The rain always reminded him of Oriana. She loved the smell of the rain. "There's something I haven't told Elissa."
"What?"
"I never found our parents bodies, or my wife and son." The guilt ate at Fergus, but he couldn't face telling his sister that their family would never have a proper burial. "She'll heartbroken, and like a coward I just cant face telling her. I cant lie to her either."
"I don't doubt either that she'll ask about them the moment you both return to Highever?"
"She undoubtedly will, but at least if I tell her in our home, it might not sting so much."
"I think you're overthinking things, Fergus. Elissa might be upset about the situation but I highly doubt she'll be angry with you." Anders put a hand on his shoulder. "You lost your family too."
"I know, Anders. I just worry about the stress on her."
"She's a strong one." Anders noticed that the rain had stopped so they could continue packing the carriage. "Go find Elissa. I'll help them finish loading."
"Thanks, Anders." Fergus turned away from his new friend, heading back up to the keep to Elissa's room.
When he got back to Elissa's room, his heart broke at the sight of his sister slumped on the bed asleep, her tears still staining her cheeks, her eyes puffy. Elissa had never been much of a crier, so he knew that something had hit her hard, and he wasn't surprised that it got to her eventually.
"Lissy?" Fergus gently shook her awake. "Lissy, it's time to go." The look at her face was like a dagger to his heart. She looked crushed. He needed a way to distract her during the journey home. "Come on. I know Anders will want to say goodbye."
Anders had fight back the tears, when he saw Elissa slowly walking out of the keep with Fergus keeping her steady. He really had to say goodbye to someone he had become to adore. She didn't judge him, or simply dismiss him as a Mage, she truly cared for him, and the other wardens. They hated the idea that she was leaving, but they understood why.
"Come here." Anders opened his arms up and beckoned Elissa to him, holding her tight when she fell into his arms. "I'll miss you."
Tears fell onto Anders overcoat as Elissa held onto her friend. She was going miss him the most. "I'll miss you too," she managed through the tears. "You'll come to Highever before the baby is born?"
"I wouldn't miss it." Anders gently kissed her temple, before pulling away from her. He placed his hands on her stomach and caressed it gently. "Make sure you wait for me, little one."
Fergus watched as his sister said goodbye to Anders. He had to wonder if something was going on between the two. Their goodbye seem to have a deeper level of intimacy. He wouldn't say anything to Elissa about it though. She was a grown woman, and more than responsible enough to make her own decisions regarding her love life. He would only step in if he felt Elissa was in danger.
"We should get going, Liss."
Elissa said her goodbyes to the other Wardens, accepting small gifts for the baby. Anders helped her step up into the carriage, letting his hand linger on hers briefly before he stepped aside to let Fergus get in.
"Safe journey." Anders smiled sadly at Elissa before he closed the door, letting the driver know it was time to go.
"Are you ok?" Fergus asked as the carriage jerked forward, starting it's long journey back to Highever.
"I wonder what the future has in store for me now," she admitted. She was to be an unwed mother, bound to draw the stigma from that. It would reflect poorly on the Cousland name, and she hated that her actions would tarnish everything her father and mother had built. Then she had to work to protect her baby from the stigma of being a bastard, and from the nobles that would see her baby as a solution to the Ferelden's Heir problems.
"We'll be fine, Liss." He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. "We're Couslands, we can handle anything."
Elissa laughed as she felt her baby kick quite fiercely. "I think the newest Cousland agrees with you."
"Little one better not come until we get home." Fergus gently rubbed her stomach, rewarded with a little kick to his hand. "You should get some sleep."
Elissa stretched out of the makeshift bed the Wardens had made for her. "Wake me up if anything happens."
"Pregnant?"
"That's the rumour I heard, Alistair." Teagan had recently been travelling around the Bannorn, and he caught wind of an interesting rumour. Something he was sure Alistair would want to know as it related to Elissa. He had heard many servants talking about a heavily pregnant Hero of Ferelden, speculating wildly about the identity of the father. He knew if it was true, Alistair was the likely father.
"That would explain this letter I received." Alistair picked up the letter and handed it to Teagan. "It states that Elissa is no longer Warden-Commander, and is travelling to Weisshaupt."
Teagan read the letter before handing it back to Alistair. "According to what I heard, she was with Fergus, heading back to Highever."
"She clearly wishes that I not know about the pregnancy." Alistair took a seat at his desk, placing the letter in the desk draw.
"What do you want to do?" Teagan asked, taking a seat on the opposite side of the desk.
Alistair sighed heavily as he debated his next move. "Don't tell anyone what you heard. I don't want Anora finding out."
"Shall I make a visit to Highever?"
"Yes, but dress it up as concern for Fergus. He hasn't been seen since just after the Archdemon was felled."
"What will you do if it is true?" Teagan could already predict his brother's desperation over getting the child to Denerim. "You know what will happen, Alistair."
"I'll do nothing. I'll deny sleeping with Elissa, if I must."
Alistair would love nothing more than raising his child with Elissa, but things were far too complicated for that. If she was going to have a child, then he without any doubt knew he was the father, and that meant Elissa and the child would be in danger. He didn't trust Anora, and he knew full well that she would do anything to secure her future as Queen, including murder and kidnap. It was best that he deny the child so Elissa could raise them in peace.
"You don't want the child?" Teagan asked, mistaking Alistair's worry as coldness.
"I want to keep Elissa and the baby safe." Alistair did his best to reassure Teagan. "When my child is older, I will make contact with Elissa. If I am not welcome, I will respect her wishes."
"She is the daughter of a powerful, and highly respected Teyrn. If the child is to rule one day, I'm sure the Couslands will have prepared the child for that eventuality."
"Return to Denerim after your visit, I would like to know what you have discovered." Alistair stood up from his desk, walking over to the window, watching as the rain beat down heavily on the window. "If it is true, hold my child Teagan. I may not ever embrace them as a father, but at least someone in my family will."
"I'll tell them that their father loves them greatly, and will tell them in person one day." Teagan could sense Alistair's sadness over his decision to end his relationship with Elissa. He knew that Alistair was still in love with her, and he would make her his Queen if he could, but they knew that wouldn't happen. "Do you have a message for Elissa?"
Alistair thought about it. Was there anything that he could say to her? "Tell her….No, I have nothing I can say to her. She would never believe whatever I said."