I'm so sorry for the delay with this one. We've had some RL stuff going on that's made it tough to concentrate, but I'm getting my head back in the game now. This chapter is the longest so far, and it's a juicy one, so hopefully that makes up for the wait.
A few days ago we hit 500 reviews for this tale and I can't tell you how much I adore you for every one of them!
As always, massive thanks to annaharding, hotteaforme, maplestyle, and mel cee for all their help and love, and to each and every one of you sticking this ride out with me. It's bumpy and it's still got some big bumps to go yet, but you're hanging in and I'm grateful.
Anyway, on with it. This one is going to answer a question or two you've been asking.
"I don't know, it just doesn't seem fair
You shouldn't have to say goodbye, or have someone to miss
You shouldn't have to watch them go, or blow a final kiss
You shouldn't have to lose someone, I shouldn't have to write this song
These words should never pass my lips, this song should not exist"
This Song Should Not Exist - Ruxley
banks
10
It seemed dumb—and too expensive—to try to rent anywhere big for after the funeral, so we head to the bar where Vlad and Stefan keep a steady stream of drinks flowing to numb the pain.
Es watches me throw back two shots right after the other, and as understanding blankets her face, she takes Charlotte's stroller from me and says she'll stay for a little while—"until the baby's nap time."
"'Nother?" Vlad grunts, pointing at my empty shot glasses. I was told tonight would be on the house, but I've got the kids with me. I can't get smashed like I want to. Still, I've barely finished nodding when he slides another in front of me, his eyes shifting to my side.
"Get me whatevuh he's drinkin', sugar," Leah drawls, laying the charm on thick, mischievous grin on her face as she takes a stool, Jimmy hovering uncertainly at her side. His suit is too big and he tries to stuff his hands into a hoodie pocket that isn't there, settling for his pants pockets instead. I'm curious about why he came with Leah today, but not enough to ask.
I wait until Leah has her shot in hand, then we share a solemn look before tapping the glasses together and tossing back the tequila. It burns all the way down but I'd take that pain over the chasm in my chest any day.
I still can't believe you're gone, Bree.
In a couple weeks I'll get a box filled with her ashes and I'm just…I can't process that.
I can't wrap my head around the idea that she's never gonna pop up at the trailer or call me on a random evening when she's driving home from work. Swallowing hard, I try to shake off the thought that she died a mom but I never got to see her actually be one. For five years, she raised our son—and then our daughter—alone, and whatever her reasons were for keeping them secret, whether I would have agreed with them or not, it stings that she never let me into that part of her life.
Makes me feel like I never knew her at all.
The betrayal and hurt brews within me, my thoughts splintering away from grief to ignite into anger.
But the music from the old jukebox isn't loud enough to drown out Archie's giggles, like the universe knows I'm spiraling and need a distraction. I turn toward it automatically, managing to smile when I spot Stefan's juicehead ass lifting Archie above his head with one hand, my boy gripping the Russian's arm for his life but laughing hard.
You're missing so much. You should be here to see this.
"Ain't no use thinkin' like that, honey."
Leah's eyes are deep and dark, and full of understanding, when I drag mine away from Archie. I want to ask how she knows what I'm thinking, realizing too late that I said it out loud, Jimmy looking somehow even more uncomfortable.
I clear my throat, embarrassed. "Hard not to. Doesn't seem fair, her not being here."
"Naw, it don't, but life ain't fair so why should death be, huh?" Reaching into her purse, she pulls out a twenty and crooks a finger at Vlad. He can't hide his smirk of surprise when she stands, tucking the bill into the open neck of his tee. "'Nother for the young man hea, handsome." To me, she adds, "I'm gonna go love on them babies for a bit before I gotta head back." Patting my cheek, she smiles, rueful. "You did good today."
I don't agree, but I nod and down the shot Vlad sets in front of me as she walks away, gaze following her. I hadn't been sure how Archie would react to Leah, but his smile when she squeezes into the booth beside him takes some of the tension from my shoulders.
They're familiar, that much is obvious. And I'm reminded that she said she taught him to play cards when she pulls a deck from her purse, Esme and Carl laughing at whatever she says to make Archie blush. Suddenly, I remember something that cop, Taylor, said when I went into the station the other day.
"Do you know where the kids were when…when it happened?"
Taylor and Hodges share a loaded look. Drumming my fingers on the table, I flick my gaze between them until finally Hodges sighs. "The boy, Archie, he was with a neighbor. But the baby…"
Taylor finishes for him, and as my stomach falls to my feet, I realize why Hodges is struggling to get the words out. "Charlotte was in the apartment, Edward. Bree's apartment."
I left pretty quickly after that. The thought of Charlotte being there, so close…it turned my stomach. I rushed home and spent the evening just watching her and Archie, too many emotions to put names to rolling through me. Looking at Leah with Archie now, I'm sure it was her that Taylor and Hodges meant—the neighbor he was with when Bree was killed. When I told Es about Leah, she was worried introducing her back into Archie's and Charlotte's lives would be too much of a trigger.
Right now, it looks like they've missed each other.
Distracted, I don't notice the stool being taken beside me until the new occupant clears her throat quietly.
"So, this is where you've been hiding."
Warm as whiskey, Bella's voice pours over me as I turn toward her. Expecting her usual smirk, I swallow hard and rub my jaw when I find a soft, knowing smile instead. Reaching out a multicolor manicured hand to smooth my black tie, she glances past me. "Their mom?" she murmurs.
Nodding, I twist the shot glass around and around and around, throat thick. Whatever Bree was to me, first and foremost, she was their mom. It kills me that Archie and Charlotte don't get to keep her. My mom, not that she's done anything but give birth to get that title, is still walking, talking, breathing out there somewhere—but she doesn't deserve to be. Bree…
Bree's gone.
"Two more, please."
I watch Vlad set two more shots down on the bar in front of us, reaching for mine before it's even fully there.
But Bella raises hers, voice soft when she asks, "What's her name?"
"Bree."
"To Bree."
Sniffing, I hesitate before tapping my glass against hers, tequila going down easy. Too easy, really. It would be way too simple to let the warmth of the tequila dull the pain and succumb to the abyss of getting blackout drunk. But as Bella's hand lands on my forearm to give it a quick squeeze, I realize…I don't want to. "You're still here. You, uh, you didn't leave after the party."
She ignores the way my voice cracks, thankfully. "I wasn't ready to leave yet." I can feel her watching me, though. Lifting my gaze to hers, I find her smiling just a little. "I didn't expect to like Vegas this much," she admits, and I don't know if it's the booze or the emotions of the day or what, but I could swear Bella's hinting at more than just liking the desert. Wishful thinking, maybe.
"Bellaaaa!"
"Oh hi, my little sunshine!"
My lips curl up at that, can't help it. Archie skids to a stop about an inch away from wiping Bella and her stool out, smile bashful as she holds out her hands to pull him up onto her lap. "Hi. Did you come to s-see us?"
"It's just a lucky coincidence, but I'm so happy to see you! How've you been, little man, good?"
"Uh-huh, good." Archie looks over at me then, wrinkling his nose. "Smells like toilet cleaner over here."
Snorting, I ruffle his hair and push the shot glasses away on the bar. "Sorry, Ace. You got a drink still?"
He tells me he finished it, so I order him another orange juice and Stefan makes his day by sticking a cocktail umbrella in the top. It's purple, I note.
Bree's favorite color.
"So, how've you been? Do anything fun since I saw you at the party?" Bella asks, sitting Archie on the edge of the bar, his legs hanging over hers as he slurps through the straw. I appreciate her not trying to talk to him about what today is. He needs some normal shit in his life, to talk about five-year-old stuff.
"Uh, school? And, um, we're gonna swim on the weekend. Right, Edward?"
I'm actually excited about this, too. I bought a giant stock tank at the end of the summer last year and it's been leanin' around the back of the trailer ever since. The heat is gettin' insane now we're hitting the later spring, so I promised Archie we'd haul it out and get it filled up with water this weekend. Es is on the lookout for some cheap floaties, and I've already found a ladder on Facebook Marketplace, just gotta pick it up.
"You got it." To Bella, I add, "I've been waitin' to get it set up since last summer, but it's possible Ace is even more excited than I am."
Archie giggles and nods, like a li'l bobblehead. "I'm so excited! I've only been swimmin' a couple times. I don't think Lottie's ever been."
Lottie.
Ruffling his hair, I glance over at Leah snuggling Charlotte—or Lottie. It kinda suits her, actually. It's a little less formal.
Slightly distracted, I can still see where it's leading when Archie asks Bella if she likes to swim.
"I love swimming! Back home, where I live with my family, there's a big creek near our house. When I was little, we used to have races across it, either swimming or in our kayaks." Like it's a secret, she leans in and loudly whispers, "I always won, but I used to cheat and put rocks in my brother's kayak to make it heavier."
Snorting a chuckle, I shake my head and tsk as Archie purses his lips and palms his cheeks. "That's so bad! Did he know?"
"Probably," she admits, shooting me a quick smile. "He's my little brother but he's always looked after me. He's great like that." Tickling his tummy, Bella says, "Like you with little Lottie. You're a great brother!"
He puffs up at that, and she's right. He is a great big brother. "If you promise not to cheat, you can come swim with us, r-right, Edward?"
And there it is.
Wide-eyed, Bella starts to shake her head. "Oh, sweetheart, I shouldn't—"
"No, you should," I interrupt with a grin. "That could be fun, right? I mean, if you're busy, you don't have to. But you're welcome."
Bella in a swimsuit? Sign me up.
Looking between me and Archie with a hundred thoughts flitting behind her eyes, she finally smiles too, leaning in to boop her nose against Archie's. "Okay, you got it, how could I turn down such a sweet invite?"
Archie squeaks and wraps his arms around Bella's neck, and before I can overthink it, I pull my cell out of my pocket and snap a picture of them being goofy together. For a second I'm jealous, seeing how comfortable Archie seems to be with Bella, but it doesn't last. It's just great to see him relaxed. And he's getting there with me. It's just…slow. But that's okay, most of the time I don't know what I'm doing anyway.
"C'mon, let's go tell Aunt Es."
I realize as Bella lifts him down and gets off her stool that she's about to meet my sister for the first time—I should probably go with them.
Except I don't get that far.
Before I can follow them over to the booth, I'm being drenched in cold liquid and slapped across the face by a hand I know well.
"What the fuck!"
"You shit! You thought I wouldn't find out?" Tanya is white hot fury and incandescent rage as she spits the words in my face, nail digging into my chest. "All the times we…all these years, and you didn't tell me you had a baby mama and two kids stashed away?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Clenching my jaw, I ignore the people staring at us and wrap a hand around Tanya's arm to take her outside. We don't need the whole bar staring at us for this, Jesus fucking Christ. I can't think about what Archie must be thinking, but I do catch Es's concerned gaze and shake my head to answer her unasked question. No, I don't want her help for this.
I get a glimpse of Bella holding Archie and force my eyes away.
Sorry, Ace, I don't think Bella will want to come over after seeing this shit.
"Not here, for fuck's sake," I grit out, dragging her with me out into the sun. It's barely past noon, the sun high in the fucking sky. Out on the street, I let go of her and rake a hand through my hair, loosening my tie before ripping it over my head and stuffing it into my pocket. "What the fuck was that?"
Her nostrils flare as she sticks both hands on her hips. "I'm not fucking stupid, Edward. I've been in there long enough to see that those kids are yours, and that woman, I'm guessing she's Bella, she's their mom, isn't she?" Scoffing, she shakes her head, tossing long blonde hair over her shoulder.
Sucking in deep breaths so I don't say anything I'll regret, I force myself to cool my jets before telling her to fuck off. Only the fact that she doesn't know what she just walked into stops me from losing my shit with her. "No, she's not their mom. If you'd given me two fucking seconds in there, I'd have been able to tell you that."
That takes a little of the wind out of her sails, but the indignation is still there when she asks, "All right, so it's not her. Who, then? Is she here, do I know her? How come you've never mentioned them?"
I can't fucking believe we're doing this right now. Dropping my head back, I stare up at the sky, kicking myself for not getting this out of the way sooner.
"Bree," I tell the sky before meeting Tanya's stunned gaze again. "Bree's their mom. And you didn't know about them because I didn't know about them until the cops knocked on my door to tell me she was dead and I had two kids to take care of."
The fight drains out of me as I watch Tanya go through the motions—her anger shifting to disbelief, then to suspicion. I know that rollercoaster all too fucking well. Time passes, could be seconds, could be minutes, but it feels like a lifetime before she opens her mouth again.
"How could you not know? You were best friends."
Her words sound like an accusation—one I've spoken to myself so many times these last few weeks.
How could you not know?
"She kept them a secret," I admit, hand in my hair, doing everything to avoid thinking about her reasons for keeping them away from me. "I don't know why."
"And she…she's…" Tanya's face goes white, her eyes dropping to my black suit. "Oh, shit."
There it is. Two plus two is four.
"Today was her funeral."
Despite how much I hate what she just did, I can't stand seeing the guilt blanket her. "Oh, Edward, I'm—"
"Don't. Just…don't."
It's kind of funny in a sick sort of way, watching as she puts it all together. Or the timeline at least. She doesn't need the details, and after that little show in there, she doesn't deserve them, either.
"Why didn't you tell me? That's why the cops came that night, isn't it? I've seen you since then." She cocks her head. "Does Daddy know?"
All my reasons for not telling her, for not telling anyone, seem ridiculous now. "I don't know why, I guess I just wanted to delay the inevitable. To delay this. And no, he doesn't." Tugging my hair, I realize he will soon and that'll probably be the end of my job. It's not exactly flexible and I won't get away with the doctors appointment excuses now Tan knows. Boss is gonna find out I've been lying my ass off for weeks and that's the one thing he values the most—honesty. I've seen him fire guys for less.
"Edward, I—"
Before she can finish her sentence, the door swings open and I'm equal parts relieved and anxious when I see that it's Bella. She beelines straight for us, the less-than-impressed look she shoots Tanya almost pulling a smile out of me.
"Are you okay?" she murmurs, hand on my arm, back to Tan.
Warmth rushes through me, her soft eyes narrowed a little. She cares.
"I'm good. Is Archie okay?"
She doesn't look like she fully believes me, but she drops it. Nodding, Bella admits he was a little shaken up but Leah has him making a house of cards as a distraction. "Okay, great." To Tanya, I sigh, "Look, I need to go back in. Can we just…talk about this another time?"
Tanya's eyes go between me and Bella, and like an idiot, I only now realize why she and Bree never got on.
Tanya is jealous.
I can see it in the way she's looking at Bella, the way she sneers as she says she'll see me around, maybe.
For a second I'd thought she was going to apologize. I guess that ship has sailed.
I watch her go, the screech of her BMW tires setting my teeth on edge as I swallow hard and shake my head.
How did I not see that before? Did I just not want to?
"Well, she was a real treat." Bella finally laughs, hands stuffed in denim short pockets. I laugh with her because honestly I don't know what else to do. "Ex-girlfriend?" she guesses.
"Uh, no. More like, um…"
Bella smirks. "Oh I see. Not a girlfriend, but wanted to be. Those are the worst."
Snorting, I nod and rub my jaw. My cheek still smarts where she slapped it, but thankfully the midday heat is drying my shirt out nice. "You don't say. Fuck, I didn't need that shit today."
"Come on, I know just what will fix that."
There's no ignoring the rush of warmth when Bella slips her fingers around mine to take me back inside.
- banks -
I drive to work with a pit in my stomach and resignation swirling through my veins.
Where the fuck am I gonna get another job?
It's not exactly a hotbed of activity around here. There's the garage I'm about to get fired from, Jed's gas station, the burger truck, the Russians' bar, and the shitty diner Bree used to work at.
Jed laid off his other staff last year 'cause he didn't need 'em, I'm fucked if I'm flipping burgers for a living, the hours at the bar would never work with the kids, and I know for a fact Biers and his cronies still use the diner as a meet spot.
So basically, I'm just fucked.
Boss's truck is already outside the garage when I roll up in my usual spot, the big shutter half up, his shitty country playlist riding the thick air all the way to me through the open window. I don't bother closing it when I get out, I'm not gonna be here long enough.
Dust clouds around me as I blow out a big breath and pull a hand through my hair. My favorite hat's on Archie's head at school, so I grab my spare from the dash and kick the door shut, heading to my execution. There's no way Tanya hasn't told him about our colossal fuckup of a conversation yesterday. There's even less chance I get to keep my job.
The fury on her face…hell.
I thought for sure I'd wake up to a text from Boss tellin' me not to bother coming in.
I almost laugh when I duck under the shutter and find him singing under his breath to some John Denver song about country roads. A li'l wistful, I realize I'm gonna miss him caterwauling all day.
Wiping sweaty palms on sweats I cut into shorts, I clear my throat and wait for the inevitable.
Boss's head pops up from the car he's working on, expression unreadable, his mustache twitching. "Mornin'."
"Uh, mornin', Boss." Should I call him that? I guess he's still technically my boss for however long he drags this out. Calling him Mart—
"You gonna stand there all day, or get to work?"
—in feels weird. Wait, what?
"Wh-what did you say?"
Cocking his head, he wipes his hands on his coveralls and drops the hood of the Suburban. "I don't pay you to stand around looking all…" he waves his greasy hands in my direction "...nervous and shit." Sniffing, he takes pity on me I guess. I'm just staring at him with a slack jaw and my heart racing in my throat. "Look, can't say it made me happy listenin' to my daughter run her mouth about what a shit-stinking pig you are, or whatthefuckever she called you."
I can't help it, the snort sneaks out without my permission; it makes him smile, though. Just a li'l bit.
"But I know enough about y'all to know you weren't, you know, inclusive or whatever the goddamn term is. You piss her off again and she's your problem, you hear me?"
Rubbing my jaw to try and hide my shit-eating smile, I nod. "You got it, sir."
"All right." Boss nods, pursing his lips. I figure he's not gonna bring the kids up, then? I can't imagine she didn't tell—"And you, uh, you better bring those kids to meet me. Lord knows I'm not gettin' any younger, and I'm not gettin' any grandkids from those good-for-nothin' daughters of mine. I've got stories to tell and young minds to influence, you know."
Oh.
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I rock on my feet and stuff my hands into my pockets. I don't know what to do with them; I kinda just wanna kiss him I'm so fucking relieved and grateful.
"You wanna meet them? Sure, uh sure. I can bring 'em after school later."
A truck pulls in outside—I hear the tires crunch the gravelly ground—so I settle for flashing Boss a grin and striding across the concrete floor to shake his hand. "Thank you, Boss. I'm…well, I'm fucking grateful."
Gruff, he nods and mumbles some bullshit about being too lazy to try and replace me. It's bullshit and we both know it, but I'll let him have it. It's the least I can do.
"Get out there and see what they want," he grumbles, waving me toward the slamming car door and footsteps outside.
"You got it."
The rush of relief and energy I get from knowing I don't have to pull Charlotte out of daycare or return the bike I got Archie for his birthday is immense. While I hit the button to raise the shutter, I quickly pull out my cell to shoot a text to Es with the good news. She's gonna be so pumped.
Good news, Es. Still got a job + Boss wants to meet Ace + Charlotte! Said I'd bring 'em to the shop after school so I'll do pickup today
Shoving my cell back in my pocket, I look up ready to greet the customer and almost swallow my tongue.
Well, shit.
"Oh." Bella's as surprised as I am judging by the way she lowers her sunglasses and shakes her head with a soft little laugh. "Of course you work here."
Glancing over at where Boss was standing, I realize he must have stepped out through the back door to the office; his spot is empty now. Turning back to Bella, I join her out in the sun and cross my arms, leaning against the pillar. I can't stop smiling and I can tell she's probably wondering what the fuck's wrong with me with this goofy ass grin on my face.
"I'm gonna take that as a compliment."
"I expected nothing less," she admits, removing a cowboy hat from her head, sliding the shades into her hair tumbling wild over her shoulders. Reaching up to touch my cheek, the same one Tan slapped last night, Bella grins impishly. "You'd never even know."
Distracted by the electric shock her fingertips send through me, I hum and turn my hat backwards. "Nothin' I'm not used to with Tan. She's always had a good bit of fire in her."
"Hmm, sure seemed like it." Thumbing over her shoulder, she adds, "Reckon you can deal with this fiery lady? She's rattling when I shift."
"Rattling? Huh. Yeah, I can take a look, but it'll probably be later this morning." Looking around at the vast expanse of desert around us, I scrunch my nose. "You're gonna be stuck here unless you can get a ride back into town."
I watch her while she looks around, debating her options I guess.
The cut-offs and tank top are gone today, a dress in their place. It's short but not too short, a little flowy around her legs but tight enough at the top to show off her curves. I miss her ass in those shorts but the way her dress shows off her tits is a nice trade-off. It's different to all the other times I've seen her, but it's pretty. She's pretty.
Sucking her teeth, she finally turns back at me and smirks when she catches me looking. "I'll just grab a couple things out of the truck and then I'll camp out in the waiting room, if you have one."
"Sure, it's right over there." I nod toward the little door that's still shut; the blind is still down, too. "Grab whatever you need and I'll get it opened up."
When she joins me a few minutes later, I've switched on the A/C, opened up the blinds, and pulled the comfy chair around from behind Boss's desk. He wouldn't be caught dead sittin' down on the job anyway, so she might as well be comfy if she's gonna be here a while.
Apparently the things she wanted were a guitar covered in stickers, a bottle of water, and an iPad with a cable wrapped around it. Huh.
"You play?" I nod at the guitar in her hand, mentally slapping myself. No, you idiot, she just carries that around for fun.
Her eyebrows lift, teasing little smirk playing on her lips. "A little bit, yeah. Do you?"
"Not since I was a teenager."
Weirdly, my fingers flex, like they want to give it a go. But it's been too long, and I…
I only ever played for Charlotte.
"It's like riding a bike, you never forget," she teases, attention diverted by the door clicking open behind me.
Boss rushes in, hunting around on the desk with a frown wrinkling his forehead. "You seen my phone, Ed? I could've sworn I put it—Oh. Hi."
Boss frowns like he's surprised someone else is here, but the frown shifts into something else as Bella smiles and sets down the guitar to go shake his hand.
"Hi! I hope it's okay to just show up. I didn't know if I needed to call ahead."
I've never seen Boss look so…out of sorts? I dunno, he's just sort of shell-shocked, eyes flying between Bella and me. Fuck knows what's wrong with him; we get walk-ins all the time.
"No, uh, no need to…ahem, uh, 'scuse me." Bewildered, I shrug at Bella as Boss barks my name on his way out the door like his ass is on fire.
"One sec, I'll be back. I don't know what's gotten into him."
"No problem," she says with a funny little smile, like she knows something I don't. Sitting down, she pulls the iPad into her lap and starts unwinding the cable around it. "I'll just be here."
I don't know what I'm expecting, but Boss grabbing hold of my shoulders as soon as I step outta the office isn't it. "Whoa—"
Shit, did Tanya tell him about Bella? Is he mad, too?
"Why's she here?" He hisses, peering around the wall to see in the window. He snaps back, so I guess Bella caught him looking.
My heart thuds hard in my chest. "Her truck, I dunno. I didn't tell her to come, I—"
"You know who that is, don't you?" Boss steps back and stares at me, waiting on an answer.
"Uh, sure, it's Bella?"
"For the love of…country hatin' heathens." Shaking me by the shoulders, he bitches, "I'm surrounded by idiots with shit music taste."
The fuck is he talkin' about?
"Son, that girl in there is Isabella Swan."
Huh?
The first thought to go through my mind is how does he know her name? and the second is how am I only just finding out her last name?
Swan, though. Go figure.
Shaking his head, Boss curses. "She's one of the biggest country musicians in the country, Ed, Christ. She opened the CMAs last year, the Country Music Awards!"
Who, Bella? Shut the fuck up.
"Get your cell, get it!" He hisses, flapping.
All right, all right. Pulling my cell back out of my pocket, I start typing "Bella" and then change it to "Isabella Swan," but I only get to "Isab" before her name is one of the suggested searches.
Lo and behold, the first article that pops up is her in a sparkly dress at the CMAs.
Same curly hair, same little smirk, same Bella.
Well, fuck.