They bought themselves gortex jackets before embarking upon the journey, though Logan, that cheap son of a Tauros, was unable to pay for his, having spent all his money on Lava Cookies yesterday. He owed Ryan big for that one, although this debt will never be paid off in any meaningful way in the next ten or so chapters. Additionally, Ryan chose to return Rainman to Kanto, while replacing him with his new Mareanie, which he had named Ammu.

At the entrance to the Icefall Cave, they came across a man with a tattooed skull, polished clean as metal and sweating like an overflowing chamber pot. His teeth were all bronze, and his lips were dyed blue from some bitter-smelling tea he was drinking out of a dainty little cup painted with blue roses covered in snow. The cup steamed up and he flared his nostrils, and it was pretty dang disgusting in Ryan's opinion to say the least.

"Kha-Ji's got wares if you've got coin," the man muttered at them. He was standing behind a makeshift lemonade stand, only he wasn't selling any lemonade, just pots and pots of a liquidy substance that only floofy nekos would deem palatable.

"Whatcha sellin'?" Logan asked the man.

"Nothing fancy, just the usual."

"Yo, this guy's a Painted Dragon."

"Oh crap. He's a bad guy!" Logan's entire demeanor shifted. "I don't like bad guys! You better run before I punish you real bad."

"Easy there kid," the man said, sipping his tea, not looking the slightest bit threatened. "If this ain't your thing, I've got some critters to sell ya."

"What kind of critters?"

"One of them Poké-mans, trust me. And don't call the po-lice neither, hear me? This one's imported from a long ways away."

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Logan…"

"Yeah, yeah, okay, just show me, show me!"

Hastily, the man pulled three cages up into view, revealing a small Seel, a fat little Marill, and what looked like a snow-white Vulpix. Both Logan and Ryan were immediately drawn to that one, as they had never seen anything like it before.

"What's that…? Why's the Vulpix white?!"

"Lugia if I know," the man replied in a disinterested tone. "Got these fellas off the marketplace a few weeks back, no questions asked. Don't know where they came from, or any of that, but you better believe they're well-bred."

Ryan pulled out ol' Dexy for confirmation: "Vulpix, the Fox Pokémon. If you carelessly approach it because it's cute, the boss of the pack, Ninetales, will appear and freeze you."

"Freeze us…? What? I thought Vulpix was a Fire Pokémon!"

"It only has one tail, Ryan, look! It must be very young."

The three Pokémon all stared up at them, shaking like wind-battered trees in their tiny cages. He's a Painted Dragon through-and-through. Disgusting. Ryan exchanged a look with his friend, who didn't seem to understand the silent signal he was trying to give. He's worse than Abra when we first set off on our journey together.

But that Abra had grown into an Alakazam in that time, and now Ryan released his favorite Pokémon yet again.

"Psychic, buddy!"

"Alakazam!" the Indigo League winner boldly proclaimed, his spoons glowing with purple energy.

Before the man do more than scream, the blast hit him in the face, and he went down faster than Steve-O against Umaga. Score one for the Indigo League champion, yo.

"Wow… Ryan, what the heck? That was so violent, man."

"I don't negotiate with Painted Dragons. Here, let's let these guys out."

Ryan opened the Marill's cage, while Logan quickly hoarded the other two. The three Pokémon were terrified, but after a bit of coaxing from Ryan and Katagiri combined, they managed to get Marill to step out onto the wooden stand, blinking innocently, looking around. As Ryan glanced over towards his friend, he noticed that Logan was already clutching the Vulpix and Seel in his arms.

"Hey, I should get two of 'em since I took that dude out," Ryan complained.

"No fair! You already have a Dewgong!"

"Then give me the Vulpix."

"Nah, I'm keepin' this little guy! You can't take him from me!" Logan got very serious. "I'll have Granddaddy Clefable flay you alive if you try!"

"Okay, okay, calm down man. Jeez. Take it, see if I care."

"Alright, you two, welcome to my team!" Logan said riotously. "Now I gotta replace some of my other loyal companions so I don't lose you two, be right back!"

"Keh!" Katagiri said to the Marill, not even noticing Logan leave (who would though?).

"Rill rill!" the tubby little guy responded. "Marillllllll!"

"Froakie froah… Froah kieh!"

Marill patted its belly. "Rill."

Froakie stuck his tongue out. "Froakie froak."

"Marill?"

"Froakie."

"Marill rill rill?"

"Kieh keh!"

"Okay, that's enough you two," Ryan said, stepping in. "I can't understand a word of this nonsense, so stop it right now!"

"Froakie!" Katagiri whined, his eyes bulging so big and kawaii, Ryan almost relented.

"Nah, brah, I can't speak Froakie or Marill, so this is just a terrible situation for me."

"Froakie…"

"Rill rill!"

He ignored little Katagiri, who was always up to no good, and instead focused upon this newest of Pokémon.

"Marill, the Aqua Mouse Pokémon," Dex informed him. "Marill's oil-filled tail acts much like a life preserver. If you see just its tail bobbing on the water's surface, it's a sure indication that this Pokémon is diving beneath the water to feed on aquatic plants."

"Cool. You sound like a pretty balla little guy, Marill. Wanna join my group?"

"Rill!"

Ryan smiled broadly. "Alright, let's goooooo!"

He tossed an Ultra Ball into the air, and Marill dove for it happily. As soon as he was inside, the ball glowed white and disappeared, heading back to his parents' home in Kanto, where everyone else on reserve was lounging. Mom and Dad are gonna have to be impressed by all these Pokémon I've been catching recently… I gotta keep this up!

"Froakie…" the little ninja boy called after Marill, a twinge of sadness in his wee baby voice.

"Aw, buddy, you did good. I dunno what you said to Marill, but you sure convinced him that we're not here to threaten him like that Dragon dude was."

"Keh."

"That's the spirit, Giri!"

They only had to wait a few more minutes before Logan came running back down the path, out of breath. "I did it…" he panted. "Okinaro and Florence are on my team now!"

Ryan dug his toe into the dirt, digging an unshapely circle. "I'm really proud of you, dude."

"Alright, are you ready?"

"Hang on… why are you bringing those two with you for this mission? Ice Pokémon are not very effective against other Ice Pokémon…"

His cheeks were aflame, his neck glistening with sweat. Ryan swallowed, looking away, steadying his heartbeat. "Yeah, but that works both ways. They'll be extra protected against whatever monsters are lurking inside there."

"Sure, man."

"You didn't even want to bring Aegon with you."

"I don't need him. That would just be overkill. He'd melt that entire cave if he got the chance."

Logan awkwardly paused, his retort catching in his throat. "Well, uh, I guess we should head in then, okay? And if we don't find and bring back that drum of rocket fuel… it's your fault, Ryan. That's what I'll tell Granddaddy Clefable!"

"I'm shaking in my Raiku panties, brah."

And so they headed off inside, their gortex jackets squeaking with every step, Katagiri perched precariously on Ryan's shoulder, sliding across the gortex like it was an ice pond, and Ryan thought that was good, for it would give the Bubble Frog Pokémon a little bit of practice for what they were all about to experience.

Transitioning immediately from tropical weather to the heart of winter was quite a shock to the system for all of them. Their breath frosted before their lips as they trudged deeper into the cave, keeping their eyes peeled for any sign of that cursed drum of rocket fuel.

"Won't the fuel be frozen at this temperature?" Ryan asked through chattering teeth.

"If it is, Granddaddy Clefable will be able to solve that on his own!"

"Let me guess… he knows Fire Blast?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Rye-bread, he'd only let one of his guards learn such a useless move as that!"

Ryan stopped, his head spinning, his eyes narrowing. The cold burned. "Did you just…? Nevermind."

"Okay, I won't."

"Anyways, how deep into this place is it?"

"Granddaddy Clefable forgot where he put it, so we're going to have to find it ourselves."

"I thought you said he was omnipotent. How could he forget something like that?"

Logan shrugged. They crossed the half-frozen lake to the far side, where the path continued on deeper into the cave. Without warning, a Wooper leapt out of the water, challenging Logan to a duel. As Ryan cackled bitterly, a Vanillite dropped from the ceiling to challenge him.

"Vanillite, the Fresh Snow Pokémon. It exhales cold air that is at –58 degrees Fahrenheit. When it's in a warm place, it shrinks little by little."

"Man…" Ryan breathed. "That's so weird. This thing looks like an ice cream cone, and it shrinks in the warm weather!"

"That's okay, Ryan, I understand completely. You'll warm up soon enough," Logan counseled him wisely.

Dude, not here. What the heck's wrong with you? Ignoring that snide remark, the teal-haired boy said, "Alright Katagiri, go!"

"Froah!"

"Bubble attack!"

Katagiri shot a bubble right at that little snow cone, and it took the hit poorly, but did not go down. The Vanillite shook a bit, and blue powder came shooting out of its nose, moving right at Katagiri, who took the attack like a champ. However, as soon as the blue particles landed upon him, he instantly was frozen solid in a block of translucent ice.

"Hacks! No way that should happen!" Ryan lamented. "Just great… what am I gonna do now?"

Logan's Okinaro, the one-tailed Vulpix, was dancing against Wooper, exchanging various water and ice attacks with the plain-looking Pokémon. Really thrilling, Ryan thought sourly. He oughta be punished for his stupidity.

"It's not like back in Kanto, dude… he'll thaw out soon enough."

"Katagiri, return!" Ryan commanded, pulling out the little guy's Luxury Ball, and throwing it. "Go, Ammu!"

Ryan's Mareanie came soaring out, tentacles first, landing across from the Vanillite calmly.

"Take a big bite out of that Vanillite, girl!"

"Reee!"

She jumped forward, faster than the Vanillite, just as Katagiri had been, biting at it hard. The creature immediately fell back unconscious, instantly disappearing, and they never saw it again somehow.

Logan too appeared to have won his battle. Now he took the lead as they moved deeper into the cave. Deeper inside, the lake had entirely frozen over. They skid across it, reminding Ryan of his younger days, when he had made a sport of something similar, as he had slid down the hallways in his parents' house in his socks, racing Squirtle and Persian and all the rest who would ever dare to chase him (Abra, in those days, had rarely even deigned to yawn in his general direction when he had tried to call for the Psi Pokémon to join them). Thus, he was at a significant advantage compared to Logan, for he was used to such movements.

The other boy, for all his worth, fell over about four or five times within the first five minutes, and it didn't help that they were soon swarmed by Delibirds and Swinubs and Seels and Cubchoo's. Ryan brought out all of his Pokémon, except for poor frozen Katagiri, and they formed a circle around him as they continued on. Logan, the lazy boy, only released his Florence and Chansey and Echo to help him.

They cut a swath through the cave, slaughtering untold millions of wild Ice Pokémon. Ryan caught a Sneasel and a Vanillish and a Smoochum, while Logan only caught another Seel and a chunky-looking Swinub. In all the madness and snow and ice and hail, Ryan's Dexter was KO'd, as was Logan's Echo. Yet as they trudged deeper into the cave, the wild Pokémon attacked them less and less, and they soon understood why:

Ahead, by torchlight, a man shaped like a can of tomato soup was standing in the middle of a frozen-over patch of the cave's underground lake, his hands on his hips, looking around in disbelief.

They approached him, waving and calling out, but he didn't say a word until they had reached him.

"Welcome," the man said in a gruff, low voice, looking around with wild eyes, never making eye contact with them. He smiled suddenly, sending shivers down Ryan's oft-overused spine."Didn't think there were any other people down here. Heh, well folks, I guess we've seen it all now."

"Hey Mister, have you seen a blue plastic drum?" Logan asked him quickly. "It's filled with… liquid that might've frozen."

"No, I haven't, but I'll tell you this," the man replied, waving his hands about, a very serious look on his face. "It's all about the paradigm of absolute control, and that's why we have started doing simple things, pointing out that we're meant to be in nature and be natural. And this is where we find the source that Arceus made, to transcend the new world order and that's why they want to try to keep us out of it."

"Okay… that's great, man," Ryan shivered. I'm not going to put up with another one of these insane dudes with it being this cold in here. "Anyways, we're going to go look for–"

"Oh," the man said gruffly, pulling what looked like a walkie-talkie out of his back pocket and holding it up to his ear. "We've got a caller. Joanne, was it? Am I reading that right? Go ahead."

"Yeah, uh, hello… and actually, it's Giorgio," the man said sharply in return, his voice coming over the walkie-talkie crisply.

"Oh, Georgie boy, my bad, I'm sorry, I don't have my glasses on, I couldn't see your name on the tiny printed screen, my apologies, but do go ahead Georgie boy. Quickly now, chop chop!"

"Anyways, Alex…" the man continued, annoyance clear in his voice, "I was just calling in to discuss a new conspiracy I thought up last night after I tried some of the homemade orangeshine I've been brewing for the past…"

"Orangeshine? Heh, that stuff's illegal, ain't it?"

"Well, I didn't say where I lived, so…"

"I'll tell ya, the most inebriated I ever got was when my brother who lived in the wilderness of Khippo-Teki for three months, brought home some of his bathtub orangeshine to share with all of us. And, heh, folks, I'll tell you, and I'm being entirely honest here, hand to Arceus, that I took one sip, and I was gone. Folks, I don't even remember the rest of the night, and they said I only had that one sip! Honest to Arceus. One sip! That stuff's dangerous, Georgie boy, you better be careful." He smiled painfully. "Go ahead Georgie boy."

"Yeah, uh, anyways…" the man continued patiently, "what I was thinking was, what if the Alola Region isn't real?"

"The, uh, wha… come again?" Alex, with the thick neck and rosy cheeks, grunted.

"The Alola Region."

"A-a-a-and what is that exactly?" Alex said, thrusting his hands into the air in all sorts of directions.

"It's a region of the world… don't you have a map, man?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on there buddy, settle down. I don't, and I mean this truly, have a map with me right now. How am I supposed to know what you're talking about, you baboon-faced Mudkip?"

"Hey man, all I'm saying is… we've got the Orange Islands, the Sevii Islands, the Alola Islands… there's gotta be a conspiracy here, man."

"A-a-a-a-and why would this Aloli place be the conspiracy and not the others, hmmm? I-I-I'm trying to follow your logic–honestly, I am, man–but you just aren't making any sense."

The caller's tone darkened. "I live in the Orange Islands, and your call screener told me you're in Sevii right now, sh–"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on there buddy. I am currently at an undisclosed location deep in the bowels of a globalist stronghold doing on-the-site reporting–real honest-to-Arceus reporting, like back in the days when people would actually do investigations themselves with their own bodies and their own cameras with their own blood, sweat, and tears! How about that, raawrugh?!"

"Excuse me?"

"You're a hatchet man of the new world order!" Alex shot back, his jowls quiverin'. "You heard me? A hatchet man!"

"What the heck, man? What are you–"

"Look, I don't have time for this. You have a peabrain. Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but it has to be said. I only have so much patience. And I'm not trying to be rude or mean or funny or any of that," he said, waving his hands wildly, hitting Logan in the side of the head, dropping him. Old Alex hardly seemed to notice, and instead continued on with his tirade. "But it's true. It's just a fact, buddy. You have a peabrain. A peabrain. Do you understand me? You're a peabrained fool, and I feel sorry for you. I pity ya man, I do. But I'm not going to dance around the facts like your mommy or daddy or teachers did when you were growing up. It just has to be said."

"Alex, what the h–"

"Alright, that's enough," the man coughed, clicking his walkie-talkie once, and turning it off. "Geez… I just–I just don't have the patience for that anymore. I tried to be cordial. I tried to tell him how it was, how things are, what the simple state of reality is at this very moment, but he just wouldn't listen. What am I supposed to do when they won't listen to me?!"

Silence followed.

"Okay, well nice meeting you," Ryan said.

"You're not the worst Alex I've ever met!" Logan proclaimed cheerfully, massaging his ear.

"It's the globalists… they're, and I've got this on record, okay? I've got this on video. They're a bunch of baby-eating potbelly goblins! I've seen them, man. Ooooh, they're spooky. Watch out for them."

"Uh, okay…" Ryan replied. "Uh, what exactly are you doing down here anyways?"

The big guy suddenly grabbed a shovel that had been stuck in the ice and pulled it out, hiding it awkwardly behind his back. "None of your business! Are you two hatchetmen for the new world order too?"

"What does that even mean, dude?"

"Excuse me, I'm not your dude," Alex retorted, wiping his mouth.

"Whatever, man. We've got more important things to do, anyways."

"Yeah, yeah, run off… run off like all the other globalists. Any time I try to confront them, they all do the same thing: run! Why would you run if you aren't guilty, hmmm? That's ironclad proof right there, folks. You heard it from the Miltank's mouth! Yet another example of the globalist new world order permeating every facet of our lives. It's why they've got us all addicted to those suicide mass-murder pills, and I'll tell you right now, folks, that 1776 will commence again if…"

They walked off, leaving the man to continue his spicy tirade in the privacy of his own company.

"You know, that guy almost made you look half-sane, Logan," Ryan quipped.

"Thanks man, it means a lot."

They went as deep into the cave as they could until the came across the back wall, a blue sheet of ice blanketing the stone. And it was there, by the flashlight, they found the drum. It was neither hidden particularly well, nor was it placed particularly realistically. It looked as if it had been glued haphazardly to the rocks, being pressed slightly askew three feet off the ground, suspended in ice.

"Why would Clefable do something like this, man?"

"That's Granddaddy Clefable to you, Ryan."

"Yo, I'm not in the mood. Thurnax! Get that drum!"

"Neieiaah!" his Dragonite roared proudly, running up to the wall and punching it hard. After three or four smashing blows, the ice began to crack and split.

Why would Clefable do this though? Seriously. He didn't even hide the drum particularly well… it's just at the back of the cave, at the end of the path. Anyone who followed the path all the way to the end would have found it. I'm surprised no one took it. They probably didn't know what was inside… or didn't care.

And Ryan was finding that he too didn't care.

The ice split and shattered, sending all the Pokémon aside from Thurnax flying for cover. Ryan merely covered his face, though Logan dove with all the rest. He's basically a Pokémon in human form, now that I think about it… although that may be being too kind.

When the ice cloud had cleared, Thurnax reached down, picked up the 55 gallon drum with one claw, shouldered it, and began walking off down the path, muttering to herself. She's just as pissed off about this whole thing as I am. It's okay girl, we'll get Logan back for this in the next saga.

"Yesssss!" Logan screamed euphorically, his voice echoing down the tunnel. "We did it, Ryan, we did it! That was a great adventure! We're the best!"

"Yeah, okay, great job, let's go already," Ryan replied, his teeth still chattering. Even under the thick layers of gortex, he was freezing, and he wasn't about to put up with anymore of this crap. He hated the cold and he hated jive, and so this was the worst moment of his life by far.

On their way back, however, they ran into that guy called Alex again (which annoyed Ryan, as you're only supposed to have one person per a story with each name), who was interviewing a Slowpoke wearing a wig whom he called Ana, but the Slowpoke didn't seem capable of speech. All it would do was scream at random as Alex attempted to conduct a very professional and well-intentioned interview with her.

They didn't stop to watch, though, as Ryan was shaking now from the cold. Thurnax led them out, trampling over any Pokémon that dared to stand in her way. None dared attack the group that followed the dragon behemoth, and so they safely made their way all the way back to the cave's entrance in record time.

There, Ryan fell to his knees shivering, released Katagiri, and rubbed his hands together. The sun was out, the air humid and tropical and pleasant, and it took only a minute for his body to shake off the cold of that dank, miserable cave. So too did Katagiri almost instantly become unfrozen, the ice-like bubble surrounding him melting to water.

As this was all happening, Logan began to dance around the drum of rocket fuel that Thurnax had set down, shouting "Clefairy clefairy clefairy!" like a madman, and Ryan wondered why the kid wasn't going to the moon with the rest of them. All things considered, Ryan wasn't sure he'd miss Logan as much as he did Rahul.

They were back on Two Island before lunchtime. It was a remarkable feat, or at least a marginal bit of exposition, but you never know these days. "You're a big shot now. You won the Indigo League. You've gotta be rich."

"Not with all my friends sucking my dry like a bunch of potbelly vampires."

"Before we return to Granddaddy Clefable, you have to buy him a present."

"Lemme guess… he wants some more Lava Cookies. This little fairy's got a bit of a sweet tooth, doesn't he?"

"Watch your mouth boy."

"I always do."

"Shush."

"Did you just shush me, Logan? What are you, five?"

"You need to buy Granddaddy Clefable something that shows you're really sorry."

"I'm really sorry I didn't eat another cookie. Those were pretty good. Speaking of which…" He glanced about, eyeing the various food stands ravenously. That Icefall Cave trek got me pretty hungry. No way Logan'll pay, though, knowing him. He deserves to.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"Why do you have to be such a cultist?"

"Fair point."

The marketplace on Two Island was full of tourists and vendors, many of them heckling for customers. The air was sweet with the smell of barbequed tropical fruits. "Let's get some pineapple kabobs, man. I'm down for some pineapple right now."

"Nah brah, don't forget about Granddaddy Clefable!"

"You never let me go two seconds without."

"Ryan, come on. He's going to be pissed if you don't get him something."

"Sounds like a pretty emotionally fragile Pokémon. Thurnax'll set him straight."

Logan gasped. "R-ryan…! You can't be serious…"

"I'm always serious," the other boy replied casually.

"Anyways, I think you should buy him a fancy new sweater."

"I was going to get him a tall glass of lemonade. You're just being ridiculous now. I've never even met this wild animal before. Animals don't wear clothes, Logan. That's the first rule of raising Pokémon. A breeder like you should know that."

He seemed taken aback. "A-a breeder like me…?"

"You heard me, nerd."

"Ryan, you're triggering me so hard right now… I-I don't know what to say."

His belly rumbled again. The nearest vendor was selling cheap kabobs of various fruits and meats and savory sauces, enough to make Ryan's mouth water. "Cool."

"Look, there's some nice ones being sold over there," Logan pointed. "And only for a few thousand Poké Dollars apiece, too."

"A few thousand?"

"He's the God-Emperor of the Clefairy and Clefable, dude."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine." He's not going to back off of this. "Fine, let's go pick one out."

They walked over to the stand, where a wall of fanciful knitted sweaters were being displayed like filled water balloons on a dart bart. There were ones with Magikarp and Charizard and Moltres and Bellsprout on them, and then there were the ones that Ryan liked the most: the ones with pictures of humans on them. If I'm going to get a Pokémon a sweater, he should be wearing my face on it. But since that'll take too much time and effort to make… eh, let's just go with the swaggest one I can find.

There was a pic of a guy, keepin' it real as a Mothim, giving the stink eye to whoever was looking at the knitted beautiful face, huge as a boiled potato. Above the magnificent portrait was, written in girly cursive, 'EDP445'. And just below the man's portrait, who had a pretty fat face, a bit of a beard, and less than an idea hairline, was written in the same font: 'This kuso's rigged AF'. Perfect.

"I want that one, and only that one," Ryan said, pointing to the swag sweater of EDP.

The purveyor of these fine knitted things was none other than a little old lady with a bowl-cut of shiny black hair. I bet she knits them herself. Aw, that's so sweet.

"Ryan, no!" Logan whined. "He's going to hate that one."

"How much will that be?" the boy grinned, ignoring his friend.

"O-oh, jah… oh, that'll be 8300 Poké Dollars, wouldn't it?"

That's so dang expensive. I shouldn't waste my winnings on this crap. But seeing the look on Granddaddy Clefable's face when I give it to him will make this all worth it. The transaction was complete; she wrapped up his chosen sweater (which was now out of stock, with Ryan having bought the last one available), handed it to him, and shooed him out of there.

"I'm just speechless dude."

"Well, if you really were, you wouldn't be back-talking me," Ryan retorted. "You know, I've put up with a lot of your annoying tendencies for no reason, really. Besides, if we're gonna send this Clefable to the moon, we should leave him with something to remember us by, right?"

"You don't get it man, Granddaddy Clefable raised me! He taught me to speak Clefairy."

"How does that work if all he can say is Clefable?"

"Look man, you just have to be respectful in his presence, okay? He's the God-Emperor."

"Yeah, you already said that, but in the meantime, let's check out those pineapple kabobs… I'm hungry, how about you?"

"Well, yeah."

"You payin'?"

"I'm broke, dude."

"Thought so."

Pineapple was a really great fruit. It was almost as good as mango, and just a single tier below kiwi. That was all Ryan could think about in that moment. It had been a long grind through Kanto, through the Painted Dragons, through that miserable Icefall Cave. This was his dang vacation. I'm going to enjoy myself, he thought. Granddaddy Clefable can wait. Once we send him to the moon, though, he'll be out of my hair for good, just like Logan's baby angels last night, he thought with dispassionate intensity.

The warehouse was abandoned; the Painted Dragons, drunk off fear and innuendo, had fled before she could reach them. I wonder if one of their lieutenants gathered up everyone who remained and ran off after what happened to Miyazaki. As much as Jessica didn't want to admit it, Ryan and his stupid friends had done her a solid by getting rid of that guy.

Her mother was sipping generously from a lemonade martini. Her father was wearing the motion capture suit, standing on what looked like a picnic cloth.

"Alright," Jessica began. "Since they're not here, the cowards, let's not waste any time. It's nearly lunch after all. I told the twerps to be ready for your birthday lunch party back at the hotel, Mother, by three."

Her mom hiccuped. "Are you sure they're going to show up, dear? I wouldn't want my little snookums to get her hopes up for nothing!"

"Probably not. But if they do, they'll pay for it dearly."

"Oohoo! Can I start?" her father asked eagerly.

"As soon as you set off the fire–"

The sky exploded in flashes of red and white and green and yellow. Somehow fireworks looked a lot less impressive in the day time. We should have done this at night… but then I'd have to wait all day. Why even bother?

"밤새고 달려 아무도 못 말려!" her father sang, his voice cracking.

As he danced around, below where the fireworks were going off, a hologram was projected featuring not the Mew that they had planned, but instead the dreadfully mediocre and not-very-imposing figure of Giovanni himself, holding a cigar, sucking on it slowly, puffing even slower, exuding confidence and arrogance and ineptitude in a way her father never could. Though he was making all the movements himself, it still looked like Giovanni to her.

"Mom… Dad picked the wrong hologram. You have to go tell him."

Her mother finished off the martini, chucking the plastic cup aside. "Ugh, he's always so incompetent. I had to put up with this for years, Jessica. You wouldn't imagine the things he did to screw up our ingenious, evil plans! If it weren't for his stupidity, we would have caught that Pikachu so many different times," she said, slurring her words slightly as she stumbled off towards the dancing man. "James…! James!"

"Everybody 날라리들의 파티!" her father sang, really getting into the song now, jumping around on the picnic blanket, and now Giovanni's image was starting to look slightly alien to her.

Another round of fireworks went off, sending a flock of Trumbeaks into the sky, quorking like petulant children. The stone was in her hand, warmed by her flesh, her fingers running over its smooth surface in the same familiar pattern. Where are you, Mewtwo? Come out, come out wherever you are.

Her mother was talking sternly to her father, who was simply continuing to sing, ignoring her. It was a few seconds before she actually slapped him in the face to make him stop. And as he did, he accidentally clicked the fireworks remote again, setting off another wave. Giovanni stood still on the shores of Five Island.

From the sun came a burning purple and black ball of energy. The crater left behind did not so much as damage Giovanni's image. He stood cool and collected, the cigar emanating holographic smoke up and up in an endless artificial loop. Another Shadow Ball slammed into the ground, this time causing the hologram to fuzz out a bit, but a moment later, his figure was returned to normal, perfectly preserved.

She could hear her parents arguing from across the beach.

Even so, when the Mewtwo shot foot-first into the hologram, it didn't seem to make the connection between the motion capture device and the hologram until its foot went right through Giovanni's forehead. That would have been an awesome way for him to go out. Not like he actually did. That old bastard… he got off easy.

"Klefki, Thunder Wave!" she roared.

The Mewtwo, pale and green, its colors different from those in the picture, spun about to face his first challenger. That was when he was met face-to-face with Mega Gengar, whose grin was wide, whose body had become like a ghost contorted into flames.

Just as Mewtwo went to attack Gengar, her Klefki came up from behind, shooting his bolts of thunder into the Legendary Pokémon's backside, causing him to tense up and shake. As the Mewtwo spun around again, seeing itself surrounded, it panicked and tried to run, but Mega Gengar had retreated to the shadows, and as any self-respecting Smogon Acolyte knows, a Mega Gengar hiding in the shadows prevents anyone, even a Legendary 'mon, from retreating because reasons.

Mewtwo stood petrified on the beach, taking a few steps back from Klefki. Slowed and unsure, it nevertheless fired a ball of fire at Klefki, enveloping her poor little floating set of keys, and in the next moment he had fallen, unconscious. Still, Mega Gengar lurked in the shadows, so Mewtwo couldn't flee.

"Hey!" she shouted at it, running to the Mewtwo from across the beach, madness taking her. "Look at this!" she screamed, her eyes stinging, getting its attention by showing it the Mega Stone she had found in Giovanni's private stash. "Hey, you! Mewtwo! Look what I found!"

Holding up the stone, she caught the creature's gaze. Again, it paused, unsure. And it was precisely at that moment that Jessica's mother, swaying and barely able to stand, came all sneakily up behind Mewtwo and threw a Poké Ball at the back of its head. Now this wasn't a Master Ball, nor an Ultra Ball, nor even one of those fancy novelty balls one could find washed up on the beach. This was a regular old Poké Ball, red and white, with all the fixin's. It bounced off Mewtwo's skull, flew into the air, and sucked the Genetic Pokémon inside.

Jessica was in awe as the Poké Ball fell to the ground, wriggling marginally for a few seconds, before coming to a dead halt. W-we did it… I can't believe it… we caught Mewtwo…!

"That's right…" her mother said, her voice slurring significantly as she swayed side to side. "Gotta… gotta catch 'em all, r-right dear?" she hiccuped again, waving her hand above her head like a fangirl at a concert before falling face-first into the sand. She didn't get up.

Swiftly, Jessica approached the Poké Ball, picked it up, and pocketed it. She noticed with grim satisfaction that the stone held in her palm was now burning hot.