Chapter One Hundred and Thirty One

Anti-Anti Love Spells

New Sunnydale, the world without shrimp - May 2006

The site was almost complete, the last street would be done before Christmas and Xander was really looking forward to having a holiday. Maybe Anya would agree to spending Christmas in San Francisco. As he walked through the piles of rubble, he analysed the abandoned weekend state of the site. He found half a sandwich tucked into the steering wheel of one of the JCBs and a couple of beer bottles behind the toilet block. He tutted at that, but he didn't blame them, they were good workers otherwise.

He walked on, checking the rest of the site before settling back into his office. He'd only come down to check over the plans for the following weeks, since he'd left the blueprints on his desk in the main office. As soon as he sat down he felt something large and pointed sticking into the underside of his thigh. He yelped like a little girl, rubbed himself down and glanced back at the chair. It was empty, there was nothing whatsoever pointed upwards. Maybe he was losing it. He scratched his head and felt over the seat. Something stopped him. Something spiney and furry and under his fingertips. He recoiled quickly, holding his hand to inspect for any damage. But he was fine. There was just nothing.

"I am going insane." He said to himself, turning around and leaning over his desk. He looked over the blueprints, everything seemed to be in order, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he was being watched. He looked around the room again, then through the windows in the office. The site was completely dead. "I am definitely going insane. Everything Anya said about me was right," then he closed and locked the door, heading for home.

He walked with his head slightly down, his hand repeatedly grazing his forehead, a vein almost popping as his pace got quicker and quicker. He heard steps behind him, and a little scuttling. He kept scratching the back of his neck. Eventually he reached the house and unlocked the door, Anya stood in the doorway for a few seconds. She took one look at his face and her eyebrows knitted together.

"What in this dimension is happening to your face?" She said, he scowled and looked back at her worried.

"There's something." He pointed behind him and walked into the house, crouching behind his wife's shoulder.

"Oh stop being such a baby, there's nothing there." She was about to walk back into the house, but then she heard it too. The shuffling, scuttling sound. It was so distinctive that Anya's ears picked up, "wait, I know what that is." She turned around and slapped Xander's chest. "Where the hell did you get a Snark demon from?"

Xander just shrugged, there was still nothing there so he had idea what she was talking about. "I just thought I was going crazy."

"No honey, there's a small invisible demon on our lawn." She pointed to the dip in the grass, but Xander had to squint to see it, having one eye and all.

"Are we supposed to kill it?" He asked, straightening himself up. Seeing as the demon wasn't actually growling or moving, it didn't seem to be posing much of a threat.

"Nah, he'll probably just sit there scratching his butt for a while. I doubt he'll be any bother." Anya said, and Xander rolled his eye. He really was too old to be scared a little demon. Too old and too wise. Okay, maybe not wise, but he had enough experience.

"He's not a kind of fear demon is he..." He could be heard saying as they walked in from the porch, the door closing behind them.

San Francisco, the world without shrimp - May 2006

Tara walked in through the front door, threw her bag down on the couch and breathed out a rather deep sigh, one that radiated through the entire apartment. Willow poked her head out of the bathroom door. "Rough day, baby?" She asked, wrapping a towel around her middle and stepping out of the almost-steam room.

"I screwed up, Will. I-I had a training exercise today and I kept fr-freezing." Tara replied, "I'm never going pass." Her face fell, all of her limbs flopped into the fading shape of the couch. Her hand went to her face and covered, Willow approached slowly, tightening her towel. "I can't stop thinking about it. About him." She said it with a slight distaste in her voice, but with a general sadness. When she uncovered her face there were tears springing in her eyes.

Willow's face contorted in concern as she perched on the edge of the couch, towel still holding its shape around her naked body. She took hold of Tara's hand, "baby, I don't know if it'll help, but maybe you need to see him. Need to face him. I can't talk though, I haven't exactly spoken to my mom since the whole Spikesplosion." She looked down, ashamed, but Tara tipped her chin back up through a wave of tears.

"No, Will, you're right." Tara smiled, but a sad kind of smile. The one she usually makes when remembering her mom. "We should go to Vermont."

They planned it. Tara arranged to have a few days out of her training and Willow called in to Buffy and Dawn's apartment to tell them what was going on. "Yeah, so me and Tara are gonna head up to Vermont for a few days, I think she really has to do this." She said with her hand clamped across her body, a nervous look on her face.

Buffy put a hand on her shoulder and imparted some rare wisdom. "You know I love Tara as much as you do okay," Willow shot her a look, "okay, maybe a little less. But just make sure she's alright up there, I know her family is... rough."

Willow nodded, "thanks Buff." She meant it. She knew Buffy wasn't trying to be patronising, or trying to outdo her in anyway, she was just being Buffy. She was caring. Now that she was standing there awkwardly, and side hugging Dawn goodbye, she felt like Tara should be here. She would wanna hear how much her best friend cared about her.

"Ready?" Willow said across the steering wheel. Tara nodded from the passenger seat and squeezed her hand a little tighter. That was all she needed, a little nudge and they were off. Willow's foot hitting the gas pedal and setting them off down the busy, San Francisco street. It took them an hour to get on the interstate highway, but by the time they did, Tara had perked up. She was sitting reading the map with enthusiasm, pointing out a few landmarks she knew Willow would be into looking at to break up the journey. Also to settle her nerves.

They held hands most of the way, stopping for at least fifteen pee breaks because Willow's bladder is not as strong as she would like it to be. She daren't try a spell to fix it. They knew it was going to take almost two days to drive there, it was a painstaking journey that required much snacks and navigating. But Tara thought about it, she knew it was going to take a while, but the journey would give her time to think. Time out of her life to reflect on what she was going to say, imagine what his expression would be when he saw her again.

It'd been almost six years since she'd seen him, she couldn't imagine where he was now, mentally. Tara knew she'd never move out of the house, there were too many memories in that archaic brickwork.

As the hours drifted slowly by, Willow took her second or third driving shift, and Tara fell asleep on the window. She thought about home, about her mom in the kitchen. She was cooking something that smelled wonderful, like warm soup in winter. There were cookies in the oven, and a magic in the air that laid a warm glow. She dreamt in spirals, in scenes from her early life twisting to the harsh darker days before she left. She fought in her sleep, whispered words in English and in the Latin language of spells. Willow looked over worried a few times but she had to focus, keep her eyes on the road.

When Tara awoke, Willow looked at her sharply and put a hand on her leg. "Hey you wanna stop? We have a while to go but-" her features softened, "you seemed a little out of it Tare, are you okay? Dreaming again?"

Tara blinked a few times and lifted her head gently, she'd been having these dreams since they decided to go away. It was like her magic knew where they were going and it didn't like it. She had bats flying around her stomach, but that might've been the travel disagreeing with her. "I'm okay," she said slowly, taking a sip of water from her bottle. "Just nervous, scared. Will, I'm really scared."

"Okay, I'm pulling over." Willow said, indicating and moving the car into the nearest layby. She put on the handbrake and turned towards her girlfriend. She took both of her hands in her own and said, "baby, if you don't want to do this, we can turn back, we don't have to go." She knew Tara would disagree but she had to give her the option.

Tara shook her head and sat up a little, "no, we have to. I have to go, I have to know the answers to all my questions. See the house for what it is, try and connect again." With every word she said, her confidence grew again. Being awake, being with Willow in her current headspace pushed away her nightmare. She squeezed Willow's hand and smiled weakly, she wouldn't be able to do this without her. Willow was the whole reason she was still here. "I love you Will, I'm so glad you're here."

Willow knew she meant every word of what she said, she always did. Tara so very rarely lied, about anything. "Tara, you know I'd never let you go and do this by yourself. And of course I love you." She kissed Tara's cheek in an intimate act that made her blush, she looked down at their entwined fingers as Tara nestled their foreheads together.

"Magic," she said softly. Her voice a smooth melodic whisper, almost like a lullaby.

Vermont, the world without shrimp - May 2006

"This is it." Tara said, pulling into a small unremarkable road and parking on the curb. She slammed on the breaks a little too hard and hit the steering wheel. "Ow," she continued, rubbing her now sore elbow. Willow looked round and gave her shoulder a squeeze.

"Are you ready to go in or do you wanna sit here for a minute?" She asked, really believing for a moment that she had this patience thing under control. Tara looked back at her and nodded. She looked fresher in the morning, her hair piled up on top of her head, and a thin smile on her lips. They could've easily looked worse after a forty three hour drive. Willow still wished they'd used magic to get here, but Tara had refused outright.

"I know I can do this. I need to prove it to myself that he can't get to me anymore." Tara said defiantly, slamming her fist down on her thigh.

"Yeah, I think maybe you need to stop hitting things," Willow replied calmly, inspecting Tara's hand for any sign of damage. "Just promise me one thing?" Tara nodded for her to go on, "if he shouts, gets angry or anything at you, I won't let him. But don't worry about me in there, do all your worrying later when I fall to pieces. I need you to be strong in there too. Please Will," Tara said, but Willow was already onto her. She'd learnt how to be with Tara, she didn't like a big fanfare. Really she didn't like people worrying about her at all, but mainly because she wasn't used to it.

"I promise," Willow said, and they kissed softly before getting out of the car.

Tara and Willow approached the house. It was just as she remembered, albeit strewn with ivy and other decaying plants that had died a long time ago. They walked up to the doorstep and stood at the top, Tara above Willow by a single concrete slab. "He might not even be in," Tara said before raising her fist the panel of the door and knocking. Willow mouthed another 'I love you' back, just catching Tara's eye, before the door opened...