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We stopped only for short increments to drink water and rest our feet, there was urgency in the air to travel faster. I turned and looked behind me seeing the long line of men, women and children trudging along the line reached as far as the horizon. The children didn't seem to laugh and play as they would have in the streets, instead they all marched unnatural for their character. The line of people was a sharp contrast to the open plains we travelled on. Surely we'd be spotted by the orcs, Rhun had spoken about? The way Rhun described them didn't sound real. Tall goblin like creatures, which bleed black like tar. Still if faced with one I don't know if I had the strength to fight it off, or if I would have it in me to hurt them. The sun was setting as we made camp. I walked towards one of the wooden carts, a woman there was handing out small loaves of bread and dried meat, I thanked her for the rations and walked away. I wonder where Aragorn is. I have only gotten glimpses of him throughout the day since he dropped me off; he looked so noble atop his horse. He kept pace with the king up ahead of where I had been in the line. Gimli and Legolas were lost to me; I have not seen them since this morning. Perhaps they were far ahead, or were avoiding me with my outburst from earlier. I walked through the crowds of people who were now sitting on the ground; some had small fires they were gathered around. Others already laid out bedrolls and were fast asleep. There were makeshift tents scattered among them as well. I walked away from the line, inching further and further into the plains. I wanted to be alone; solitude seemed like a dream after being surrounded by hundreds of strangers. I sat down in the grass far enough away I could still see the flicker of the fire to find my way back but their voices mingled with the wind and were lost to me. I nibbled at my bread and dried venison. The bread was terribly dry, but beggars can't be choosers. When I was finished I dusted the crumbs off my pants. The tunic I wore made me incredibly self-conscious, I noticed how occasionally in conversation Rhun's eyes would dart looking at my chest, then back at my face quickly. It made me miss my hoodie. Perhaps it upset him? Seeing me an outsider in his native garb? I slid my boots and socks off still sitting on the soft grass. What am I doing? I should just go back to the camp. I ignored my thoughts and tried to focus on making flowers grow. Come on. Feet. Do your thing.
I scrunched my eyes shut and balled my fists up in concentration. I felt the cool breeze move my braids, the grass beneath my feet swaying. The life inside seeming to pulse like the wave of an ocean. I sighed exasperated. How did I do it before? Every time I was feeling something strongly maybe that's it. Last time I wore my boots so that doesn't seem to be much of a factor. I felt defeated and put my socks and boots back on, not wanting to return to the camp I stayed seated. The sun had long set now, stars lit up the sky, wolves howled in the distance. I was content listening to the sounds of nature looking up at the beautiful painted sky. Maybe I should just stay out here and not go back to camp? I'm not much use to them anyway; I can't even make flowers when I try.
"You should not be out here unarmed and alone mellon nin "I turned my head and saw Legolas standing behind me. How did he find me? I didn't even hear him approaching, was I that lost in concentration? What if he were an orc?
"I'm sorry for … what happened earlier… with ..." I trailed of not knowing how to form the words. What do I say? I'm sorry I'm a freak? I'm sorry I turned the stables into a flower shop?! He sat down next to me looking up at the sky. There was a brief moment of silence before he spoke.
"You need not apologize for the beauty you cause." He said his words purposefully with meaning. He turned looking at me now. Did he say I caused beauty? He thinks the flowers are beautiful? "Yavanna said the gift she gave me I would use to free Middle Earth…" I said quietly. Can I trust him with that? Gandalf said I needed to be careful who I spoke to about why I came here, evil men might want to hurt me or use me. I wonder if he thinks I'm beautiful. No of course not he was talking about the flowers.
"Do you believe she is wrong?" he asked looking at me intently his eyes shined in the moonlight.
"I just don't know if I can, I don't even know how I've done it before, all the instances were accidental. " I sighed I left out the part about me coming out here and trying to do it on purpose but was already too embarrassed and vulnerable to mention that part.
"Aragorn said he would teach me to fight on our journey." I said quickly changing the subject
"You did well in the golden hall, you will be a mighty warrior with proper training" he said smirking at me. My face turned white mortified
"You saw that?" I asked barely a whisper. He threw his head back and laughed
"You gave him far more clemency than he deserved Lend er" [sweet one] my face twisted into a grimace remembering the pain I caused, Rhun doubled over groaning unable to fight or focus on anything other than his pain.
"I do not think I am meant for war" I sighed bringing my knees to my chest. "I feel like a pilgrim in a strange land. I don't belong here" my voice broke and I choked back a sob. Why am I getting so emotional? Legolas scooted closer to me our legs touching; he reached his arm over my shoulder in comfort. I thought about shying away, but didn't. "The people look at me strangely and stare. At first I thought it was my clothing but even still Rhun would not stop staring at me earlier and several other men as well. I feel like an unwanted guest. Why am I to accompany these people? I cannot defend them as you or the others" He didn't reply with words instead he rubbed my shoulder with his thumb pulling me closer to him. I quietly cried squeezing my knees to my chest as he spoke elvish words of comfort in my ear.
"Legolas" I said finally he squeezed my shoulder in reply. I had begun to lean into him in my crying, I now leaned into his side I could hear his pulse from where my head lay in under his arm. I felt foolish, crying into an elf I barely knew. Yet at this moment it feels like I've known him my entire life.
"Legolas am I like you and an elf?"
I asked finally. The question I so desperately wanted to know. He froze, becoming tense underneath me. I sprung out of his hold feeling embarrassed for asking; of course I'm not an elf like him I was mortal before so I'm mortal now. I scooted away still sitting on the grass but now an arm's length away from him.
"Glorfindel was one of the mightiest elves of all of Middle Earth during the first age; he was a Lord over Gondolin. He returned to Middle Earth during the second age as an emissary of the Valar to aid Lord Elrond. His fëa burns brightly as yours." He paused deep in thought "I had assumed it was due to his long time spent at Valinor, or in the presence of the Valar." My fëa? He noticed I glow?
"You feel exotic, not quite elven. Your spirit is abundant and easily felt. Not like that of man." He said finally. I looked at him even more confused, if I'm not elven what am I?
"What's a fëa, that's the glow?" I asked feeling so stupid for asking. He nodded patiently and I sat closer to him shivering in the breeze. He explained in fervent detail all about fëa's and hröa's, he began talking of tales of Yavanna, the corn she grew was used to make lembas bread. The bread stayed fresh for months when wrapped in leaves, only a small bite was enough to fill your stomach.
I subconsciously inched closer to him listening to his storytelling. He spoke of Aulë, Yavanna's husband; in the Song of the Ainur, he thought most of the fabric of the Earth. Aulë created his own race of beings, the Dwarves, because he was unwilling to wait for the Children of Ilúvatar to appear. Ilúvatar knew of this and even as Aulë was instructing them, He chastened Aulë. He humbly repented, offering his children to the will of Ilúvatar, whom He accepted as His adopted children. Since Ilúvatar had decided that the Elves were to be the first-born race, He put the Dwarves to sleep until the Elves woke on Arda.
I leaned on his shoulder sleepily trying to take all the information in, relishing the sound of his voice. The electricity that passed through our touch felt like a calming pulse. He paused glancing down at me then continued. Now he was talking about his home Eryn Galen, Giant spiders bigger than many men, making webs and living in the trees. The trees were tall blocking the light on the forest floor much like fangorn. The elven wardens in in the treetops hidden, using birdcalls to signal orc activity. My eyes shut and I drifted off to sleep still laying on his shoulder.
"Verity there you are!" a younger version of myself, No older than 7, turns around and a man with a playful grin bent down and tickled her stomach. "no no you win! Dad you win!" I heard myself yell. He released her and my small self climbed onto his kneeling lap. "Daddy I don't want you to leave" the man sighed "Verity, my job is to keep you safe I must go" she jumped off his lap stomping her foot turning to him angry "NO!" she screamed "Verity, I am a soldier, I have duty to protect you and this county. I will return to you."
There was a knock at the door, an older me opened it and doubled over. "We are so sorry, he fought bravely" she was handed a folded flag from men in uniform outside the door. They gave a quick bow and retreated off the porch. She lay as a heap on the floor in agony, clutching the flag. Curses and prayers flew through her lips, bargaining for her father to be returned to her one last time. She wailed and sobbed unable to move even an inch to shut the still open front door.
I woke up panting sitting up rapidly. Was that a memory? My dad a soldier? A dead soldier I thought bitterly. I was sitting on a bedroll covered by a blanket and someone's cloak. How did I get here? I don't remember anything after talking with Legolas; I was pretty tired maybe I stumbled back to camp on my own. The sun wasn't up yet but I know I cannot go back to sleep after having that dream, I looked around me Aragorn lay not far and Gimli lay on his other side. Where was Legolas? I stood up stretching, realizing I wasn't wearing my boots; they sat at the base of my bedroll. I don't remember taking them off. I quietly put my boots on and rolled up the bedroll and folded the blanket neatly, I noticed next to my bedroll was the waterskin I was given at the beginning of the journey along with a linen satchel, I curiously opened it and found it held several changes of clothes, soap, a brush, I smiled. Whoever did this must really care for me. They must have known I had no supplies or brought anything with me. I pulled out one of the tunics and pants and changed into it. It was bigger than the one I had on, baggy and long reaching my thighs; the neckline was lower than my other one. These must belong to someone? Or maybe they were the only spare they had; whoever these were meant for was much taller than me. When I finished dressing I washed my face with the water from my water skin and soap I had and braided my hair, this time not being so careful to cover my ears, trying to be as quick and quiet as possible to not wake anyone around me. I rolled up the bedroll and blanket and stuffed it in the bag and put it on. Satisfied I started walking no particular destination in mind I was holding the cloak not knowing if I should put it on or not. The tunic I noticed was softer than my other one. The material of a finer more luxurious fabric, it smelt nice too, deep and woodsy. I stayed on the outskirts not wanting to trip over sleeping bodies. I was almost to the front of the procession when I heard movement behind me "you should still be asleep Lórer " [dreamer] I didn't turn around instead I kept marching forward. How did he always find me?
"My dreams are haunted, I wish not to sleep" I said into the wind not turning around. He still heard me and caught up quickly now walking by my side. He faced me keeping my pace as I faced forward. In my peripheral I could see concern on his face. I didn't want to explain what I saw to him. The bratty child and noble father, the teenager crumpled at the door clutching a flag. I looked at him finally slowing my pace. I shouldn't be cold to him; I shouldn't take out my frustrations on him when he's been a friend to me. I stared at him, something was different about him. He wore the same tunic as before the same leggings, his hair was braided the same way. The cloak! I looked down at my hands to the cloak I was holding it was his! I blushed thinking of his warm cloak on me; I outstretched my hand holding it to him. He smiled and moved his hands out of the way of mine seeming to dodge my return of his cloak. I looked at him bewildered and he smiled wider amused
"Keep It" he said, as I kept walking towards him shoving the cloak at him desperately, he walked backwards with ease graceful on his feet. Is this a game to him?
"I cannot!" I cried now running at him stumbling and tripping in the dark, he laughed melodiously. Clearly amused, I was breathless from the antics and had slowed my attempts "I cannot keep it, do not make me chase you until the sun rises!" He relented holding out a hand to take the cloak which I gladly handed to him. He then put it on dramatically. We were now at the front of the procession. I had chased him all this way. I blushed at the thought, why had I done that? Why couldn't I accept his cloak from him? It's not like I have my own. "Did you sleep last night I didn't see a bedroll by Aragorn or Gimli" I asked
"I have been going ahead to scout" he answered. My stomach twisted in the thought of him alone on the plain, with orcs or wolves. He must not have slept at all then, the only time I saw him was when we spoke in the field. I frowned looking at his face, he didn't have bags under his eyes but his expression was weary.
The sun began to rise casting shades of pink and purple on the plains. Legolas whistled and a horse trotted towards him. Everyone was starting to wake up. He hopped on top of the horse and turned back to me "stay close to Aragorn today Lóth tui "[flower bud] I nodded my head as he trotted off.
Aragorn wasn't far off already mounted on his horse surveying the line. I waved at him and he trotted towards me "do you still wish to learn how to fight?" he asked when we finally met.
I nodded my head. "Meet me at the front of the line at sunset, I will teach you then." He galloped ahead then seeming done with the conversation. It wasn't like Aragorn to be so dismissive I wonder what inner turmoil he is facing? Did he also suffer from haunting memories and mourn for those he'd never see again. I guess that means I won't be staying close to him then. I felt slightly guilty going against what Legolas said. But it's not like I had to listen to him, I am from the Valar! Shouldn't that make me above the rules? And who does he think he is telling me what to do like I'm some child? Like I need someone to make me a plate of food? I sighed annoyed with myself.
The day dragged, this time I didn't have Rhun or stories to listen to, to entertain my thoughts. I tried to keep pace and stay near the front so it would be easier to find Aragorn. But my steps were slow and stumbling my mind unfocused. Several times I had to fall back into the line I had strayed from, walking into the grassy plain to some unknown destination. I didn't stop to rest with the others, or take the offered meals. I felt restless and anxious. Almost fearful. These last days have seemed to enervate my very soul. When the sun began to set I hurried over to the front of the line to meet Aragorn, my legs were shaky from not eating and the little water I did drink seemed to pour out of me in sweat. Aragorn had is back turned towards me as I approached him, he was deep in conversation with several men. I stood awkwardly behind him waiting for the conversation to finish. He dismissed them shortly after I had started waiting and turned around and spotted me. "Here" he said handing me a small dagger.
I took it hesitantly, not wanting my skin marred or cut by it. "well go out there" he said pointing further out on the plain that had a bit of a slump in the ground, when we walked to the location it was deeper than it appeared from where we stood before, only the tops of our heads could be viewed from where the people were making camp. Seemingly hidden from onlookers. I felt relief wash over me Aragorn was thoughtful enough to know I didn't want to be watched. "Thank you Aragorn, truly." I said my heart full of his compassion he was showing me.
"Let's start on defense. If you do well we might progress to offense. I'm going to try to steal your dagger, you must do whatever possible to keep me from it understood?" he said standing across from me. My hand holding the dagger gripped it tighter as I nodded. He sprung forward launching into a gentle attack, I stumbled and flailed trying to maneuver around him and think a step ahead of his movements. I could tell he was going easy on me, after seeing him fight those men in the golden hall; he seemed to be moving in slow motion for me. I slowly got better at blocking his advances and anticipating his next move to prepare. In turn he quickened his pace and became more aggressive in his attack. "Ok now let's see your attack, come at me "he said not stopping his attempts to take my dagger.
"What like try to hurt you?" I squeaked out as I rolled on the dirt to escape him.
"Yes, you will not I assure you. I cannot teach you if I do not know where you are struggling" he said patiently lunging at me again. I nodded feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of accidently hurting Aragorn. He grabbed the dagger from my hands then and sighed "let us try no weapons at first, I can assure you, you will not hurt me Lady Verity." I nodded weakly as he set the dagger onto the grass beneath us and came at me again this time I lunged back surprising myself. He never hit me, his blows seemed calculated only right next to my body. I still felt the wind and force of them.
We went on like that occasionally he would call out something for me to change, widen my stance, put my weight into it, stop holding back. He said that one frequently, stop holding back Verity. I knew I was, I was pulling my punches. The few times I managed a hit on him I'd wince and purposefully miss for a time being after that. The sun has long past set and we trained on in darkness.
"Ok that's good for now let's go back to camp for the night, you have a good defense for someone untrained, although your foot work needs improved. Your attack is …. Deficient" he said careful trying not to offend or hurt me. I covered my mouth with my hand and laughed. Of course it's deficient.
"I did not wish to cause you Harm" I said. He handed me the dagger as we approached the camp telling me to keep it. I found the same bedroll I had used last night already laid out by Gimli. My stomach growled but I doubt the carts would have food now. I laid down on the bedroll and covered up with the blanket still feeling cold. I curled into a ball shivering. I tried to go to sleep but my stomach would not relent, my entire being was an ice cube. Eventually I did fall asleep, the same dream as last night haunted me. The distraught scrunched up face of agony I held as a teenager, buckled over on the floor holding a flag. I woke up to singing, it was still dark, yet I felt significantly warmer. I opened my eyes and looked around, rubbing them trying to adjust to the lack of light. Legolas sat beside me. He was singing elvish softly and wasn't aware I was awake and now watching him. I looked around again taking in my surroundings. Gimli snored loudly his back to me, Aragorn wasn't here. I looked down at my blanket and noticed a familiar cloak rest on top. No wonder I felt so warm. I sat up feeling guilty he had to be cold. He stopped singing realizing I was awake.
"Did I wake you Lóth Nin?" [My flower] he asked me softly I shook my head sleepily. Probably not convincing.
I clumsily grabbed the cloak that was on top on me and reached to hand it to him with one hand and the other vigorously rubbing my eyes. He took it from my hands but did not put it on. Instead he held it in his lap staring at me, his expression was pure amusement.
"What were you singing about?" I asked yawning
"The story of Lúthien and Beren their love was so extraordinary after death, Mandos allowed them to return to Middle Earth to live out their days in love" he said passionately
"Can you teach me elvish?" I asked yawning again. His eyes widened in surprise and he smirked "What shall we tell Gimli when you are to have secret conversations as well?" I laughed quietly.
We spent the remainder of the early hours discussing elvish, my biggest hang up was sentence structure and pronunciation. The few words we went over I could easily identify if he said them. But if asked to repeat it was another story. My stomach flipped thinking about being able to have secret conversations with him, would he even want to with me?
"What does that mean that you called me earlier?" I asked. We've gone over basic phrases hello, my friend, welcome.
His jaw clenched and his face held an unknown emotion, "another time Lóth nin " [my flower] then he smiled "come let's get breakfast the carts should be open now"