The morning came and a maid came into my room to help me bathe and dress. "You need not shy away; I am a maiden such as yourself. I have also cleaned and dressed your body before" she said with annoyance. I sighed in defeat. Allowing her to help me put on my tunic and pants. I knew I had been cleaned and dressed in my unconscious states. It was nice knowing it was a woman who did it. It was still unnerving to think of another seeing me so intimately, so vulnerable.
She braided my hair in a tight braid; I gritted my teeth every time she yanked. When she was done the healer entered the room to tend to my neck. He hummed softly removing my bandages. The bruising had faded dramatically now a sickly green yellow. "hannon le" [thank you] I whispered, I didn't want to speak louder fearing my voice would crack with emotion. I hoped I said it right. My elvish has failed me thus far.
He replied in a string of elvish I just nodded dumbly in response not understanding a single thing he said. He laughed and put a hand on my shoulder "this should heal well on its own in a day or two with how fast you've been healing, you might still have discomfort eating or speaking for a few days longer. "He stood up and exited the room. I exited myself shortly after, making my way towards the kitchen. I piled my plate high with meats and vegetables, my stomach running on the fumes of a few grapes. I walked out of the kitchen saw Aragorn and Gimli sitting at a far table through the crowd; I waved cheerfully and walked to sit by them.
I froze in my step seeing Legolas. He was standing by Aragorn with his back to me; he was throwing his head back in laughter. I gulped and stiffly sat down next to Gimli. "Aw look at the bonnie lass! A proper meal!" I smiled at his teasing and dug into my food. My throat didn't burn in pain like I expected. Legolas set down next to Aragorn. A silence fell over the table. I avoided looking in his direction not ready to apologize for my harsh words. Not yet sorry for them. I kept my head down eating. "We will be leaving for Isengard in the morning." Aragorn spoke to me breaking the silence. I didn't look up at him shoving my mouth full of food. "oh I will need to find my dagger and the rest of my things" I trailed off. The table grew silent again I looked up at Aragorn now wondering why nobody was speaking, why were they being so muted? We traveled here together didn't we? We traveled to Edoras together.
"You will be returning to Edoras accompanying Lady Éowyn and the others; we will meet you back there."
"And who decided my fate?" I asked standing I turned to Legolas my jaw clenched "You just can't stop can you?!" I turned and ran away.
"It was not his decision Verity." Aragorn called after me but I didn't care, I know he must have had some part in it.
I returned back to my room and called for the maid who helped me bathe. "Can you gather me a bag for a long journey? I will need changes of clothes, a water skin, soap, some food, uh…" I trailed off holding my fingers out as I listed things off. She narrowed her eyes at me. "You will not need those things traveling to Edoras all will be provided along the way."
"I am not to travel that way." I said with confidence.
She looked at me hard then sighed relenting. "I will not argue your path child, I will help you prepare for it. "
I spent the next twenty minutes listing off anything I thought I might need while she would interrupt me, telling me what a better alternative was, or what I actually needed. Reminding me I needed to travel light.
We agreed on a small satchel filled only with essentials, forgoing a blanket instead for a cloak. She insisted I get a sword instead of a small dagger since I planned on traveling alone. I nodded. She laughed at our antics and hurried away to fetch the supplies she returned midafternoon, I had just returned from the hall with a full belly. She laid everything on the bed. I attached the waterskin and sword to my belt, and sprung the satchel over my shoulder. She helped me put on the cloak. It was a coarse material, not soft like Legolas's.
She pulled the hood over my head shadowing my face and she smiled. "You look like a ranger yet." She said feeling accomplished. I smiled she went into the hall to check for people then motioned me to follow. She led me to the stables where she had a horse already saddled. Now was the easiest time to sneak out everyone would be in the hall eating dinner. I climbed on top of the horse it felt strange doing it myself. His name was Verya, his owner slain, would not miss the horse.
She had convinced me into taking a horse, stating even if I couldn't ride I was safer on a horse than on the ground. I couldn't argue with her. I wanted to leave during the night, knowing if I tried to leave in the morning I would get stopped and forced to Edoras. She argued against that saying everyone would expect that and be more alert, and it was less safe to travel at night. She reached up and hugged me. I squeezed the horse with my thighs urging him forward; he trotted down the city and through the gates. Once we reached the plains I tossed the reins squeezed my thighs, did several different maneuvers I could think of to try to get him to run. We were both frustrated trying to communicate with eachother. I finally figured it out and he galloped underneath me. I followed the women's careful direction riding so far on the plain then turning sharply towards the forest. It was Dark when I reached the forest; Verya hesitated at the forest mouth. Stomping his hooves shaking his head. "I am Here with you Verya." I said trying to comfort the horse, who took a slow step forward. We did not make it deep into the forest before I had to set up camp. The tall trees blocked out seemingly all light, the soft glow the moon cast was lost here.
I left Verya saddled in case we were to get attacked in the night and needed to flee quickly. I loosely tied him to a low tree branch and curled into a ball using my satchel as a pillow and fell asleep. My sleep was restless feeling as though I was being watched. I awoke the sun shined through the canopy dimly; it must be mid-morning or mid-day, it was impossible to tell through the thick canopy. I yawned stretching and turned to tend to Verya. The branch I had tied him to lay bare Verya was not in sight. I panicked and yelled "Verya!" he came trotting forward mischievously.
I tended him much the way I saw Aragorn tend to his horse. I checked his hooves for stones or pebbles, his teeth for rot. I unpacked a bag of oats strapped to his saddle and held it out to him giggling at the way he seemed to grin as he ate, curling his lips upward. When it was emptied, I washed my face and hands I didn't see a point to change my clothes until tonight seeing it was already day. I called Verya over and easily mounted him. We walked through the forest with no rush. Listening to the sounds of nature, the forest seemed to breathe and pulse with life. My plan wasn't to reach Isengard first, instead it was to wait in the forest and sneakily join their company. Partly because my accomplice didn't know the full directions to Isengard. I think perhaps she did know and withheld so I would be forced to not be alone. If what she said is correct they should arrive by nightfall. I continued on Verya moseying along the forest floor stopping occasionally to let him wander on his own and eat at the grasses.
The forest grew darker as the day dragged on. I called Verya and he trotted up to me, I grabbed his bridle and we walked together. I knew they would be coming into the forest soon, but I had no idea from what direction, as we had wandered in circles. I heard them approach before I saw them. I positioned Verya and I behind a tall tree, out of sight; as I watched them. When I felt safe to join in the line I did swiftly none taking notice of the new hooded figure. "The Horses are to be watered and rested! We ride swiftly at first light." A voice from the front of the procession rang out. The men around me began to dismount, quick to set up a camp. I tied Verya up next to the other horses, taking off the saddle and bridle off. Hanging them on a low branch next to him. I patted his head gently as I walked away; I held my cloak tight over my body and hung my head low. I found a spot not far from Verya and sat down opening my satchel and began eating a piece of wayward bread.
"oi lone ranger come join us!" a voice called out I turned around to my horror, the friendly voice spoke to me. A young man, with long golden hair, motioned for me to join the small circle of men; sitting, eating and conversing. I slowly walked up to them, making sure my hood was as low as it would go, keeping my head down. I sat down next to the friendly man who invited me, muttering out a gruff 'thanks' in the deepest voice I could muster. He didn't seem to think much or mind it and quickly got in conversation with the other men. I sat there still as a statue, hoping nobody else would notice my existence. I could hear familiar voices in the mix. Aragorn's definitely stood out. He would recognize me easily I think, even being careful and cloaked.
I made for my escape standing up I gruffed out a manly 'excuse me' I turned around from the group making my retreat.
"Halt!" a powerful voice range out. I knew it was directed at me and froze.
The owner of the voice approached me from behind. "I do not recognize you from the company, reveal yourself spy of Saruman!"
I turned around looking down, pulling my hood up over my head revealing my face. There was an audible gasp "Forgive me Riel Thegn I had not known you would be accompanying us "
A tall handsome man stated, marching forward he grabbed my hand bringing it up to his mouth kissing it. "I am Éomer" I remembered his name from stories Rhun had told me. I blushed; he was much more passionate in person than I imagined him. I could easily see him disobeying Gríma's orders and marching off. "Verity" I answered quietly. My eyes connected with his. I blinked looking down seeing his hand still held mine, still very close to his face.
"I owe you thanks for your defense of my people, come join us." he did not release my hand, guiding me back to the circle of men. When we reached them he let go and allowed me to sit where I was. I looked around and Aragorn was looking at me, his face dark and hard. Legolas was sitting close by him, glaring at Éomer. His gaze so steely, it made me tremble even those it wasn't directed at me. I knew they would be upset, I had hoped they would forgive me and find that I am useful. They would stop treating me as a child. The men conversed the conversation rambled on every topic, horses, war, even recipes.
"Lady Verity Tell me what is your favorite flower?" Éomer asked turning the conversation to me. I blushed at his interest in me. I've never been asked what my favorite anything was here.
"I do not have one; I have yet to find it." I covered my mouth with my hand as I spoke. A nervous habit I didn't seem to have around Legolas anymore.
"Then I will find it for you!" he vowed sincerely. My eyes widened at the honesty in his voice. The conversation switched shortly to fighting styles. Legolas had not even so much as glanced in my direction. His eyes stayed on Éomer.
"Forgive me my lords, I must retire." I said standing up and walking past where I planned on sleeping and deeper into the forest. I sat on a fallen log listening to the men laugh, and talk amongst themselves. I softly cried thinking about how much I missed Legolas. How I ruined our friendship. How he was possibly the truest friend I've ever known, always seeming to know how I felt. I felt a plop on the log next to me and turned saw him sitting there. Tears now streamed down my face more fervently. How did he know I needed him? Why did he come when I was so brash earlier?
"Legolas" I sobbed he turned and faced me his jaw clenched "please forgive me nin mellon I should not have been so harsh with you I have missed your company and friendship. " [Friend my]
"There is nothing to forgive. All is well mellon nin "[my friend]
I noticed he didn't use the term he's used before. He was acting much more reserved now. Maybe this is what friendship with Legolas is? Maybe he truly was acting as a babysitter before and this more reserved him is friendship. I've never seen him have such tenderness with Aragorn or Gimli. My heart ached at the thought.
I didn't reach for him like I wanted to; I sat there slightly rocking back and forth. His gaze was soft, but his jaw was still clenched. As if what he was doing took much effort. He didn't reach out to me either. Would he have before? Would he not have wiped my tears with his palm? Brushed my hair out of my face? Embraced me? "Are you angry with me still?" I asked at a whisper
His face twisted in confusion "I was never angry with you." he answered finally his voice held truth and finality.
I think I understand now. This is what a friendship with Legolas looks like. This reserved, quiet and lacking any intimacy. This will be my new normal. Sitting next to him was warm, like his spirit enveloped and overpowered the space, making all my senses overwhelmed, think nothing but Legolas.
We said nothing more to each other, sitting silently on the log together; I did not speak having just been reconciled I did not want to say something foolish again. He stayed where he was, he did not reach for my tears. His hands were in his lap, clasping each other, his right thumb rubbing circles on the top of his left hand.
I stood up quietly and walked back to the camp. I did not say goodbye, he did not either, nor did he call out to me as I left him on the log. I quickly found the spot I would call my bed. It was cold where I lay on the forest floor my head laid on my lumpy sack; I curled into a ball with my scratchy cloak. It had felt so warm in Legolas' presence, now it felt cold and damp without him.
The next morning was quiet, I had to venture far before I was comfortable changing my clothes.
We road for hours without much talk amongst the company, the group taking careful step guiding their horses amongst the twisting roots that protruded out of the ground.
I found today it was much easier to lead Verya; we've developed our own language. Or perhaps I only learned his language.
"Horse has it out for me." Gimli grumbled beside me, I turned and saw Legolas was next to me with Gimli riding behind him on the same horse. How long had they rode beside me and I not noticed?
"He senses your feelings my friend." Legolas said smirking
"And what feelings would you have to be thrown off the Horse?" he grumbled
I laughed seeing their exchange. My eyes met Legolas as he turned to me hearing my laugh. I took in a sharp breath. He was still smirking from his exchange with Gimli, his eyes crinkled. He looked so handsome then. His joy lit up his face.
This is an exchange I've heard several times before. Sometime on the journey to Helms Deep, Gimli flew quite comically through the air and off the horse. I wish I would have witnessed it but the retelling of it was just as funny I think. They all stood around my bed after I had first woken up after the battle. Gimli had shouted at Legolas accusing him of enchanting the horse with elvish magic.
"You conspired with the animal! I saw you whispering in his ear! You do not think I don't know that it's about me!"
"I was not even near you when you fell my friend."
"You enchanted the beast with elvish magic that is why it has it out for me!"
I smiled at the memory
"You can ride with me, Gimli" I said to him
His surprise was evident and made me giggle. He glanced at Legolas in front of him who was now rigid facing forward as we road.
"I will make due, we Dwarves are used to prejudice." He barked a laugh "albeit even from a beast." We continued on quietly for several more hours, occasionally I'd steal a glance to my left to see Legolas.
"We are not far now, in a moment the trees shall end. And I cannot say what we shall find waiting for us." Gandalf's voice boomed from the front of the procession.
As we walked through the trees into the clearing I held my breath, imaging thousands of orcs lined up to attack us.
"Finally!"
"Welcome my lords, to Isengard." I'm not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't the scene before me. All Isengard lay in ruin, a flowing river flooded the deep labyrinth of trenches. All that remained standing was a lone tower resting on the other side of the flowing water. There were trees also that seemed to move with the breeze unnaturally. It seemed as if they were walking but that wasn't possible. A battle must have taken place here before our arrival. The voice that called out was a child. No a young man the size of a child, he was calm even playful in his tone, he sat atop a rock with another man child smoking a pipe casually.
"We are sitting on a field of victory. Enjoying a few well-earned comforts." The other said enjoying the shock on our faces.
"Hobbits!" Gandalf said shaking his head
"What happened how did you get here?" Aragorn asked already dismounted from his horse walking towards the hobbits.
"We're under orders from Treebeard, He has taken over management of Isengard. " A Tall tree lugged towards our company. Yes they can surely walk. I rubbed my eyes and blinked to make sure I was seeing correctly. It had wide strides making the long distance toward us in short time.
"Young master Gandalf, I am glad you've come." A voice spoke from the tree. Or was it the tree itself talking? Young? Gandalf must be the oldest in our company.
Verya backed hesitantly away feeling my emotions. "Calm Verya" I rubbed his neck trying to calm both of our nerves.
"Wood, water, stock and stone I can master. But there is a wizard to manage here, locked in his tower." His voice was deep and unnatural sounding.
"Indeed there is and we shall treat him presently." Gandalf said looking on to the tall tower.
"Merry, Pippin, come now. Quickly." he said motioning to the hobbits that slid off the rock they were sitting.
Éomer stepped forward "come little masters, one of you may ride with me. "
"Talking trees and halfings." One of the men sighed
The hobbits seemed to know Gandalf very well, one even riding with him on Shadowfax. As we approached the deep waters of the flooded trench, Verya stood at the water's edge refusing to step in. stomping at the water's edge splashing water. "He feels your fear mellon nin "[my friend] I saw Legolas beside me easily leading Arod into the water, Arod didn't even seem to flinch even with Gimli grumbling on his back about how 'dwarves don't float they sink' He looked back at me as if waiting for me to follow. I sighed, squeezing my thighs, trying to get Verya to Move forward but he would not. Legolas had turned Arod around now and was swimming back to my side of the shore.
"Allow me, We Rohirrim, have a way with Horses." Éomer came up behind me on his horse reaching me before Legolas had. I glanced awkwardly to the hobbit who sat on his horse, as Éomer leaned down and whispered into Verya's ear caressing his neck. Verya lunged forward causing me to yelp at the splash of water that sprang up and soaked me. Éomer's horse lowered himself into the water with much more grace, I heard him chuckle as he flanked my right side. I flushed with embarrassment. pieces of wood cut and fastened into a type of structure; along with fallen trees, floated around us as our horses crossed the flooded trench. Visions of Helms Deep projected before me; explosions, ladders falling to the ground crushing bodies underneath. Mounds of Simbelmynë hiding the wreckage, and bodies in its mist.
We made it to the base of the dark tower, the ground still wet and flooded. However here it hadn't even reached my boots, seeming only a few feet deep. Gandalf and some of the men dismounted. I did not already feeling soaked to the bone and chilled.
"Show yourself Sorcerer of Sauron." Gandalf spoke his robes looked heavy the water creeping up the fabric darkening it making him appear dip dyed.
I looked up at the tower trying to see the top; it was shrouded by the sun, on a balcony several stories above us a voice range out "Can we not take counsel together as we once did, my old friend? Can we not have peace you and I?" the voice echoed down to us shaking the very waters we stood in. I looked up trying to find the owner of the voice squinting in the harsh sunlight. The men around me cursed, arguing to just kill him, get it over with.
"Your treachery has cost many lives already; Thousands more are now at risk." Gandalf paused then said with more passion "you could save them Saruman. You were deep in the enemy's counsel." He pleaded
"So you come to me for information, I have some for you." I shivered at the way his voice sounded.
"Something festers in the heart of Middle-Earth. Something that you have failed to see. But the Great Eye has seen it. Even now he presses his advantage. His attack will come soon."
"You are all going to die!" he cackled "but you know this, at least, don't you Gandalf?" The men around me grumbled again, some wading in the water towards the entrance of the tower to end his miserable existence.
He addressed Aragorn now "You cannot think that this Ranger will ever sit upon the throne of Gondor. This exile, crept from the shadows, will never be crowned king."
"Gandalf does not hesitate to sacrifice those closest to him, those he professes to love. Tell me… what words of comfort did you give the halfling before you sent him to his doom?" he sneered
"Ah this is a surprise." He paused looking down on us I tried to look up at him but couldn't for sake of the sun I settled on looking at the door to the tower. "My dear Verity at last we meet." His voice was sickly sweet as he said my name I froze turning white. "The Fair enchantress blessed by the Valar... Tell me child do their faces haunt you? The lives lost to your cowardice? "I was trembling now the visions of the many lifeless bodies lying in the garrison. I couldn't speak, I gripped Verya's reins until my knuckles turned white.
"You will meet your end in deep within Barad-dûr, The Dark Lord has much plans for you!" he cackled once more.
"Come down Saruman." Gandalf pleaded
"You will scream and beg for death! In the depths of Barad-dûr, He will groom you into submission. He has much plans for you fair enchantress "
I couldn't breathe completely frozen. All eyes now looked at me I felt faint and slipped off my saddle I didn't hit the water with a splash instead large warm arms caught me, setting me down softly in the knee deep pool. It was Éomer; he steadied me gently allowing me to lean on Verya's side. "Berth- cin ped- ad-" [Dare you speak again!] Legolas yelled louder than I've heard him ever yell. He had his bow strung, aiming the arrow high, towards where only Saruman was standing above us. His voice held venom and malice, his gaze like that of fire, fixed firmly on the balcony unwavering.
"Legolas Greenleaf, how fairs the Mirkwood?" Saruman said "How fares the Elvenking? Does he yet live, or perhaps he is already in the Hall of Mandos with so many of his kin… Do you even know that your people are at war? Where is their crown prince as the woodland realm burns with fire? Cin will nini- bo i lith"[you will weep on the ash] Éomer snaked his arm around my back and into my armpit, supporting much of my weight. I clung to Verya reins my knees quaking wanting badly to go out from under me. I would have long been in the water if Éomer had not stood supporting me against my horse.
"Master Dwarf" he said now addressing Gimli who looked pale sitting alone on the horse Legolas stood next to him his bow still strung. "How was your welcome in Khazad-dûm, I have heard of the fabled hospitality of the dwarves. Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone. Tell me dwarf did you find a roaring fire to welcome you there?"
"Shoot him! Stick an arrow in his gob!" Gimli yelled. Legolas turned to Gandalf his bow string taut. He seemed to be waiting for an order, impatiently.
"No" Gandalf said quietly then louder "Come down, and your life will be spared. Come down Saruman." He seemed to be losing his resolve himself.
"Save your pity and your mercy; I have no use for it!"
A crash rent the air, and a bright light flashed coming from the balcony. I did not look up I leaned hard into Verya's side.
"Saruman! Your staff is broken!" the smell of smoke filled the air, as my gaze stayed fix unmoving from the door.
The men around me gasped and murmured. There was another figure on the balcony now.
"Gríma, you need not follow him. You were not always as you are now. You were once a man of Rohan! Come down." Théoden called out his voice noble and compassionate.
"A man of Rohan? What is the house of Rohan but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek and rats roll on the floor with the dogs? Victory at Helms Deep does not belong to you, Théoden, horsemaster! You are a lesser son of greater sires." Saruman bellowed
"Gríma, come down. Be free of him." Théoden urged
"Free? He will never be free." Saruman laughed in reply slapping Gríma to the ground.
"You withdraw your guard, and I will tell you where you doom will be decided. I will not be held prisoner here." He gasped seeming in pain, I heard Legolas fire an arrow shooting Gríma. Éomer had released his hold stepping forward during the commotion. Saruman stumbled toward the balcony edge, and fell down from the tower. His body being impaled, by a spoke of a large wheel that had sunk deep into the ground protruding out of the water. He lay face up; his body hung limp, blood staining his white vesture. The sudden impact in front of me caused Verya to jump away startled. His movements along with my shakiness caused me to fall face first into the dirty water.
I couldn't move, frozen, I sunk deeper into the cloudy murk. I lay there as voices rang out above the surface. I willed my body to stand but seemed paralyzed. I heard the chants of orcs approaching the keep, the memory of their snarls mixed with the far away voices above me.
"Do not yet lose hope Mellon Nin "[my friend] Legolas said softly pulling my body from the water. I gasped and coughed willing my body to be useful once more but instead could only clutch onto his arm as he raised me to my feet allowing me to once again, lean on my horse. I was so embarrassed, I was dripping wet and shivering either from the cold or the words Saruman had said I didn't know which.
"Send word to all our allies, and to every corner of Middle-Earth that still stands free. The enemy moves against us. We need to know where he will strike.
"The filth of Saruman is washing away. Trees will come back to live here. Young trees, wild trees."
"We must make for Edoras. There we will await word and prepare for whatever threat may come. Rohan must be ready!"
I felt myself being lifted onto my horse still I couldn't seem to do anything but tremble. All I could think was Saruman's clacking and the things he said. The black blood that sprayed on my face when I killed my first orc, the burning as it mixed with my own. My body swayed on top of Verya. A lead rope was tied to my horse at some point, I don't remember when, or who did it. Verya seemed to walk in circles without it or standing completely still. He didn't seem to understand the will, or command, of my trembling. We were in the forest now. The men had stopped to rest the horses and have a small meal.
"Lady Verity, allow me to help you off your horse." Éomer said softly below me, his hand reaching up to grab mine with permission. I didn't respond. My throat walled shut with my inner turmoil. He took my silence as permission and carefully lifted my body of the horse and stood me on the ground. I would have blushed if I were in my right mind. I would have giggled and shied away. He grabbed the reins of my horse walking him away, only having made sure I remained steady on my feet.
"is she going to be alright?" Pippin asked softly
No one answered.
I stood there, my feet unmoving, my body shivered. My tunic and leggings clung to my body. My inner thighs burned, from the friction you can only get riding in wet clothes. My cloak even still, dripped softly onto the forest floor. I stood there where he left me. Not joining the small company who sat eating and conversing. Legolas had not joined the company either. He leaned against a tree not far from where I stood, staring at me with concern. Aragorn would occasionally walk to him and speak in elvish looking on direction. I couldn't meet his eyes I couldn't do anything but stand there and tremble. What was wrong with me? I felt The hot breath of the first orc I slain, the heat of the fire lit hedges. I felt the cold wind, and soft rain. I heard the screams and wails. They got louder and louder until my ears rang and I could no longer tell what was reality and memory. You will scream and beg for death
Strong arms wrapped around me encircling me. I was no longer trembling; I was shaking so violently one might think it a seizure. I jerked vehemently, my breath being a pant. The man who held me steady, bent down and sung softly in my ear, I could not discern if it was Elvish or English, the words seeming so far away. I fell into darkness again.
I woke being held against a chest on top of a horse. I knew I was on a horse from the pounding hooves I heard, and the rocking motion my body swayed. My body not quite side saddled, I felt an arm securely under my legs to keeping me upright. My upper body supported by a large chest I lay against and another arm bracing my back, while holding the reigns. I kept my eyes shut listening to the thump of their heartbeat and the thump of the horse underneath me. I fell in and out of consciousness
"Her pull towards life and nature makes her more sensitive to the effects of darkness and loss of life. This is no ordinary combat fatigue. "Gandalf said "I fear if not taken away she will fade much like the Elves."
I was lowered on to a bed.
"You expect us to withdraw her from a darkness she runs to?" a voice hissed
"Do we not all face the same fate, if we do not succeed?"
"She was not made for war, her spirit is marred. A wounded spirit takes much time to heal. If she is to live, she must have peace to heal"
"What of the lads in the keep, no taller than the Halfling? Were they not meant for war also? What of their mothers? Do they not also bear wounds on their Spirits?"
The voices faded into the distance. I opened my eyes to an empty room. Staring at the ceiling for a very long time before deciding on getting up. I felt strange and hollow. My stomach growled, the sensation felt removed from me as if it belonged to another.
My thoughts were scrambled and unfocused jumping from one thought to the next, fragmented, incomplete. Is this what grief feels like?
Is this what it feels like when you're responsible for the death of hundreds? I sat on the bed edge for ages; I rocked back and forth without even realizing. I recognized this room. We were in Edoras. I Need to get out of here the torment of my unfocused thoughts are too much. I need something. Entertainment. anything. Slowly I stood up, my body didn't ache. I felt no ailment side from hunger, my pain rest solely in my spirit. I was wearing a green tunic and leggings; my hair was in two braids down my back. All of my gear, sack, boots, waterskin, even my sword lay at the foot of the bed. I meticulously put my boots on and strapped my waterskin and sword to my belt, as if it were a habit. I tied my boots twice on each foot not liking how unsecure they felt the first time. I Stood up and walked out of the room. I did not walk towards the sound of voices, coming from the Golden Hall below. I walked slowly down the hall just wanting so badly to rid myself of my thoughts. Wanting company, yet wanting to be far away at the same time. The floor creaked as someone walked up the stairs. I saw their shadow creep up the wall. I opened the first door I saw and bolted in, pressing my back against the door as I shut it. I held my cheek to the door listening for the footsteps hearing them fade and sighed.
"What are you doing lóth nin? "[my flower]
I turned my face and saw Legolas looking concerned and amused. His chest lay bare, rising and falling with his breathes. His muscles were tight and defined. They tensed under my gaze, flexing showing their power. He wore only leggings and boots; it seemed I was interrupting him undressing. I slapped my face covering my eyes "I didn't know anyone was in here!" I yelped I could hear him shuffling as I spoke "i-I couldn't stay in there in my thoughts but I wasn't ready for people yet… I heard someone coming up the stairs and…" my hands still stayed over my eyes.
"I will take my leave of you sorry I barged in-"I was frantic, turning around to the door, my hands still covered my eyes.
"I am now covered, if you so wish to stay, I would enjoy your company." I turned around and removed my hands from my eyes and looked at him. He now wore a tunic much like the one I wore. I hesitated, something felt inherently wrong about being in his room with him alone, it felt as an overstep of our relationship. I bit my lip. "Can we go for a walk instead? " he nodded in reply and we snuck out of the room and into the city streets it was midday the sky was bright and rejoicing. I tentatively asked Legolas to recount the details of what happened after we arrived in Isengard, after I had fallen in the water. I could not remember any of it. He said I laid there in the water unmoving; Verya almost trampled me in his anxiety. I was lifted out of the water and placed on my horse. Though he never said who lifted me. I was slumped on Verya my eyes wide and hands shaking holding the reigns tight. The company began for the way to Edoras, I did not follow, my horse walking in circles. I was called out to and didn't respond. Someone went back to retrieve me talking to me which I didn't respond to. They tied a lead rope to my horse. He did not say who. I did not speak at all to anyone. When the company stopped for a quick meal and rest I never dismounted I seemed as though I were far away, not remaining in my body. Éomer helped me from my horse. He said I stood there silent until I collapsed, someone carried me on their horse to Edoras and we have only been here a few hours.
Did he pull me from the water? Was Éomer also the one who held me to their chest as they rode? Why had he not named anyone side from Éomer?
"Are you truly a Prince?" I asked him, we now were walking outside the city gates into the field before it. I felt safe in his presence. Not just from knowing he could defend me but it was something deeper, something I've felt since meeting him. When I was with him my dark thoughts seemed to lessen until they were a rare guest. His proximity seemed to do something for my spirit?
"Yes, does that trouble you?" he asked in reply.
Does it trouble me? It makes the wants and desires I have regarding him that much more unattainable. Why would a prince like me? He must only be being nice to me out of diplomacy.
"Why did you never tell me when you told me of Eryn Galen?"
"It did not seem of importance." He said flatly
We walked along the plains until I stopped smiling softly "Would you spar with me?" I asked. I had, had so much fun with Aragorn, though I won't admit it to him. There was also a deep part of me that wished to train and get stronger just in case. His eyes widened at the request then he grinned mischievously. He pulled two long knives from straps on his back. When he raised his arms up to reach for them, his tunic lifted up, revealing a glint of his hard abs. he pulled the shiny metal knives down handing me one. "I cannot. " I said handing it back he seemed confused. "Do you not wish to spar?"
"I do. I cannot use a weapon I wish not to hurt you by accident." I said his eyes softened at that and he tossed both knives onto the grass beneath us. I gave a playful war cry and lunged at him. We danced and wrestled along the plain. Legolas tripping me, nonetheless catching me and lifting me to my feet. Always smirking in victory. He never let me fall to the ground, knowing the game would be soon over if he allowed it. I was breathless. He was too fast to even try to track his movements. He never landed a hit much like Aragorn. Neither did I but not for lack of trying.
We had wandered our way to an area of the plain that was hilly, dipping down beneath us. It was hard to keep my footing on the slanted ground. I swung at Legolas's arm he dodged throwing his right foot undermine. I tripped, flailing my arms; he reached out to catch me again, as was our now familiar dance. I grabbed his hand, pulling him down with me. We rolled down the hill together laughing breathlessly. When we reached the bottom I lay on top of him, his back on the grass. I sat up now straddling him. I giggled and laughed. "I cannot wait to tell Gimli I beat you in a spar!" He was still underneath me as I quaked with laughter. I felt so free and joyous, so alive and happy. He tried to sit up our groins touching as he did. He took a sharp breath in. his eyes shined with a foreign emotion.
"Master Elf defeated by the bonnie lass!" I said imitating Gimli. He continued squirming underneath me.
"I relent lóth nin "[my flower] he said desperately trying to squirm away. I continued laughing and giggling, unaware of his torment or the position we were in. I felt his hands shoot up gripping my sides and I flew through the air, suddenly we were flipped. I was now lying on the grass and he was looking down on my face, his, inches from mine. His blonde hair fell around his face and mine, into the grass like a halo. His eyes burned into mine. I stopped laughing now; instead I smiled up at him. I was elated, my sides ached from laughing so hard. It was a good pain. We stayed like that staring into eachothers eyes seeming in our own world. He eventually stood, reaching down to help me up.
"Were not you taught, to not gloat?" he said his tone strained. I felt a pang of guilt, and hurt. Couldn't we jest as friends? He had done so many times with Aragorn and Gimli? Yet he was clearly upset that I had tried to tease him in the same way a friend would. Maybe I had gone too far? Is this because he's a Prince?
He had retrieved his knives and we had started walking back towards the city. The air became tense between us.
"Forgive me Prince Legolas, I meant it only I jest." I said bowing my head towards him
"You need not call me that." he said stiffly we walked back to our rooms not speaking the rest of the walk. We both seemed lost in our own thoughts. Even so I still felt safe and secure. My mind though worrying, did not venture into dark thoughts of battles past, seeming grounded by his presence.