Parting ways in the hallways I turned back down the steps and walk instead down towards the kitchen. The Golden Hall for the most part was empty, the few men in there were too engrossed in their discussions to notice me or look up. For that I am thankful. The kitchen was the opposite bustling preparing for the evening meal. I cringed upon opening the door seeing all the chaotic movement. The maid that helped me prepare for my journey saw me and marched over. Her face a stern hard one, as you would have with a disobedient child. She grabbed me tsking, walking me through the bustle of chopped vegetables and fire. Setting me on a stool by a counter. She muttered curses under her breath and set a bowl of stew in front of me. I didn't have to be instructed to eat; already slurping it up before she had even taken a step back from setting it down. When I finished she quickly placed another bowl in its place, we went like that until I felt I could eat no more or even so much as move. "Thank you Querokk" I said I made to stand, she tsked and shoved me down undoing what left of my braids brushing out the tangles and grass that was imbedded in it from rolling on the plains with Legolas. She hummed as she rebraided my hair intricately; she braided the hair above my temples much like I've seen the elves wear theirs but instead of braiding all the way down to the ends on each side like they wore their hair, she brought the two sides together in the middle of my head and braided them together. The rest of my hair remained down. She tended to me and bustled around the kitchen at the same time, setting plates and drawing water then walking back to me. The dark hollowness crept back up on me as I stared into the kitchens hearth. The flames danced in shades of orange and red. Before I could become entranced in visions of Helms Deep she slapped me on the back "up now and out you go! The evening meal will be out shortly, I expect you to be back for that one. "She stood me up and pushed me out of the kitchen. I didn't protest allowing her to push me out of the swinging door and into the Golden Hall.
The hall was much fuller than before; there were now several groups of men and women, some standing, some sitting, all waiting for the evening meal expectantly. I looked over the room some of their faces familiar to me; I spotted Aragorn with the two hobbits at the table we congregated before we left for Helms Deep. Before the battle, the bloodshed. I walked to them feeling a need to put on a face, prove that I was ok even if I wasn't.
"Lady Verity!" Merry cried in surprise seeing me sit down beside him.
"Are you well? Do you need me to get you a plate, or some ale?" Aragorn said across from me standing up in haste. I forced a smile to my face, wanting my inner thoughts and darkness to stay inside, where they belonged. "Very much so, no I am capable of getting that which myself." I said in a soft voice. Trying hard to banish the thoughts of fire and burning and put on a face for the others. I do not want them caring for me as a child, as a burden. How do they go on? How has Aragorn not crumpled to the floor in a heap in his grief and agony? How are they so unaffected by the bloodshed.
I turned to Merry then desperately wanting the attention off of me "Tell me of your homeland? You two are the first Hobbits I have seen. Did you travel far to get here?"
Aragorn stood, hesitant, unconvinced at my facade. "Oh my lad-"Merry started
"You will not want to hear tales of the Shire from him I would be the better story teller Milady!" Pippin piped from the other side of the table.
They went back and forth telling me of their country and kinsmen, interrupting each other.
"Then Gandalf made us wash all the dishes!" Pippin spoke of Bilbo's birthday party, firing fireworks off, and getting caught by the wizard.
I enjoyed his animation, he acted out the scene with his hands using wide motions demonstrating the firework shooting off and covering them both in soot.
"Yeah well it was your idea."
"Was not!"
Gimli sat down then on my other side placing a hand on my shoulder when he did "There's the lass"
I turned to him and smiled. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed, the hollowness inside me was becoming too much. My thoughts became harder to control and focus.
I wanted to stand and leave, return to the solitude of my room but I knew that would just prove their thoughts correct. They think I'm weak and fragile. I stayed seated trying hard to focus on their story and banter. Legolas entered pulling up a chair and sitting at the end of the table next to Pippin and Merry. He stared at me with intensity, I felt scrutinized under his gaze. Yet seeing him, instantly dulled the pain in my spirit and my thoughts felt easier managed, though they were still scrambled and dark. It was much easier to mask.
I felt so confused about our friendship, where we stood with each other. He felt like my truest friend, always there when I needed him even before I knew I needed him, yet his behaviors shown restrain. As if he was friendly out of duty and diplomacy not of want. Of course, he's a prince after all; of course he would be kind to those sent of the Valar. I sighed.
A bell rang off signaling dinner was done. Merry and Pippin leapt out of their seats running first in to the kitchen, beating that of the men who stood not far from the door. Aragorn laughed "Hobbits."
I slowly stood up and made my way back into the kitchen, I wasn't hungry in the slightest; I did not want to upset Querokk the maid or concern my comrades by not eating. I filled my plate mostly full of bread and cheeses not wanting another heavy. I grabbed a pint and filled it with a dark liquid from one of the barrels and made my way back to the table. Merry and Pippin were already back and seated; their plates piled high their pints filled to the brim.
"I will never get used to pints." Pippin gleamed chugging his drink.
The rest of our company returned with their own plates, they talked and joked amongst themselves.
"Legolas tells me you bested him in a spar." Aragorn said his eyes gleaming. I turned my head towards Legolas. He brought his ale to his lips and took a sip not meet my gaze. Why would he tell Aragorn if he did not wish to be teased? Didn't he know Gimli would be relentless? As if on cue Gimli bellowed at the news " HA! I would have liked to see that!"
I looked at Legolas in confusion. He didn't seem to mind the teasing from Gimli, even smiling and firing back at his comments. Tilting his head back in laughter as they teased each other. I grimaced looking down at my food trying to ignore them and nibble on my cheese.
Were not you taught, to not gloat?
His voice rang in my head. His friendliness must only be a facade, solely out of diplomacy. Though yet I remember his tearstained face, his thumb rubbing circles on the top of my hand so tenderly. The way he grabbed my wrist with one hand and my waist with the other, keeping me from falling when we sparred. The way he helped me walk when I woke up, his patience when I was writing on the parchment. It didn't make sense.
I passed my plate to Merry, who was now eating the crumbs off of his. "Here this will be much better than crumbs." He hesitantly accepted, exchanging worried glances with Pippin. I stood up and retreated to my room without another word to anyone.
My sleep was haunted by visions of orcs chasing me. I woke up shaking, the grief blinding me. My hair was disheveled and clung to me my body soaked in sweat. A faint knock was heard at the door. The sun shone in the window. "Milady, I've come with fresh linen and will draw you a bath." I didn't move. I laid there my eyes wide staring at the ceiling. "Milady are you yet awake?" the voice called again I still didn't respond. The door opened and a young woman stepped in, I have not seen before. She held a beautiful white dress folded gently in her hands. "Milady?" she asked seeing me. My eyes were wide as I willed my body to function. "I-I will fetch a healer-"started for the door.
"No!" I yelled shocking myself seeming able to speak again. I stood up quickly trying to ignore the dizziness I felt and walked to the bathroom with her. I tried to smile at her to reassure her I was fine but it came out as more of a grimace. "Lady Éowyn has requested I help you to get ready there will be a great feast in the Hall this evening. We must make haste you have slept long in the day! "I nodded trying to focus on steadying my breathing. It felt strange still, having someone help me bathe and dress. I felt numb as she scrubbed. She mindlessly chattered trying to fill the heavy silence. "There will be no shortage of men lined up to dance with you Milady, you are as fair as they say." I sat on the edge of the tub as she brushed my hair. She rubbed oil through it with her hands making my waves shine. She helped me into the white dress. It was more intricate than the last one I wore here. The sleeves were long and elegant, the neckline was wide but not to deep showing my collarbone and only a glint of cleavage. The dress reached the floor covering even my boots. When she was done she gestured me to the bathroom to see her hard work. I gasped seeing my reflecting in the mirror. My copper hair was down not in its usual braid, the waves voluminous, framing my face making my green eyes shine against my pale skin. The dress clung to my body in a way past clothes haven't. The laces in the back, made the fabric tighter around my waist showing my figure. The maid dismissed herself and I was left staring at my reflection. I didn't glow as brightly as before, it was almost unnoticeable. It was another clear sign I wasn't ok, even with the front I put out, my fëa is weak. I slipped quietly from my room and made my way down the stairs into the Golden Hall. The room was full, fuller than I had seen it before. More tables and benches had been brought in arranged on the far sides or the room. The center it lay empty of furniture, up on the dais Théoden sat upon. I looked around feeling unsure and insecure. I longed for a cloak to cover my body, I felt so exposed. I couldn't see any of my company, the room was so crowded. What if they're not here? What if they were slain as I slept?
When had I started to think of them all as my company? I was beginning to panic when a hand outstretched a pint of ale towards me, Éomer's. I looked down at it confused but took it.
Before I could question him, Théoden stood from his seat holding a gleaming chalice "Tonight, we remember those who gave their blood defending this country. Our loss is great." He paused "But theirs is not, for they walk with their fathers in honor. Hail the victorious Dead!"
"Hail!" the Rohirrim erupted. Théoden raised the chalice to his lips as the rohirrim all drank from their pints. I tipped mine back without hesitation. I felt so hollow. The drink at least filled my stomach with warmth. The faces of fallen men and the stink of the dead still haunted me. I stalked to a table on the side of the room and filled my pint with a pitcher, tipping it back as well. The alcohol burned my throat. The pain a gentle reminder I was alive unlike the men who we honored. I quickly downed it. I need to stay here; I need to calm myself, to prove I'm not broken.
"so it's a drinking game?" I heard Legolas say I looked in the direction I heard his voice. He stood at a table not far from me; he wore a silver tunic of fine material. His hair done in the same braids he always wore. He looked regal and handsome, my stomach flipped seeing him.
"Aye, last one standing wins." Gimli said standing next to him with a laugh
Éomer stood to the left of Legolas laughing with his head back. I started walking towards them, the effects of the alcohol already having an effect. The hollowness in my chest no longer ached as terrible but was that from the ale or Legolas? He always seemed to ease my burdens with just his presence.
"What'll we drink to? Let's drink to victory! To victory!"
Éomer's eyes met mine as I approached, my empty pint hung from my hand loosely. My face was flushed a soft pink. Gimli chugged his ale quickly while Legolas sipped from his pint carefully.
"Riel Thegn" Éomer said raising his ale to me as if to wave. I stood facing him, reaching for the pitcher on the table and in between us filling my pint once more. Music echoed in the halls as the minstrels began to play and strum. Legolas looked at me now his pint held up to his chest, his mouth slightly agape and parted, his lips wet with ale. His eyes roved over my form his jaw clenched. I lifted my pint to my lips gazing back at him. I wonder what his lips feel like?
Gimli was ranting now, his sentences heavily slurred and fragmented, much likes my thoughts as of late. "Kneel down! kiss the ground, Kiss a bonny wee lassie!" he sang out slurred his pint sloshing ale onto the ground as he sang. The song apparently was meant to be sung while dancing and Gimli's sore attempt made me giggle.
"Would you honor me with a dance, Riel Thegn?" A tall golden haired man stood before me with his hand outstretched, I recognized him. He was the friendly one from Fangorn Forest who invited me to sit with the company. He outstretched his hand to mine as I set my half full pint on the table. I took his hand, as he led me to the center of the room. The alcohol has heated me from the inside out, my eyes became half lidded. He led me in the steps of the simple dance, occasionally reaching out to steady me. I was smiling drunkenly, giggling as he spun me. Looking over his shoulder, I saw Gimli passed out on the ground; unable to stand or hold his alcohol. Legolas smiled in triumph. Before bending down to what I assume take him to bed. Our eyes again met as he lifted him off the ground with ease, and I felt a heady heat come over me.
"Do you know of Rhun? I have not seen him since the passage to Helms Deep. Is he also here?" I ask as the song changed to a new slower song. Our hands were clasped as we stepped forward and backward. The man's face twisted in pain "he…" his grip on my hands tightened as his body tensed "He departed; he now lay with his father." I stood not continuing the dance. I felt a pain in my chest; tears clouded my vision, the hollow feeling returned as if a scab getting picked at and bleeding. He also stilled staring at me, our hands were still clasped. Couples around us tread together still preforming the dance. The pain in his eyes shown he knew Rhun, perhaps very well. I felt as though I was choking on air, the room felt to hot, to many people. I can't be here anymore. "Forgive me my Lord, I do not feel well." I said to him. I held my head down as I ran out of the hall, through the large wooden doors, out into the street. The wooden doors had been cleared of my vines and held no resistance to me pushing it open. I ran until I was panting, I had reached the stables. Few of my flowers remained seeming cleaned out by the farriers and stable boys. I heard a familiar whinny and ran inside, Verya stood in a far off large stall. My body felt like fire, I ran to him. I opened his stall door running in and embracing his side as he bent his head down, his hot breath huffed to comfort me. "It hurts!" I sobbed into his mane. "Everything hurts!"
I clung to him sobbing, the heat I felt burned. Visions of orcs running through fire their bodies marred by flaming thorns, their bodies stacked on the plain. Verya nuzzled me, stomping his feet.
Fierce arms gripped me whipping me around holding me by the shoulders. "Did he touch you?! Where are you hurt?" Legolas shouted at me frantically, his voice was laced with anger and another emotion, perhaps fear? He must have seen me run out of the Hall after the dance and assumed the man had done something indecent towards me. I couldn't speak I just sobbed my legs shaking underneath me. He stared at me, his eyes hard and dark. His hands still gripped my shoulders as he looked me over. The dam of grief broke inside me. "It hurts." I croaked in between sobs I clawed at my chest with my hands "cut it out! Cut it out it hurts!"
He pulled me to his chest. His fëa seemed to envelope me, it was calm and warm. His chin rest on my hair. He held me tightly, my arms folded and squished in-between our bodies " meleth nin "[my beloved]
"Cín naeg rist- na sab- " [your pain cuts at mine] He sighed against my hair. I cried and cried, his spirit and presence slowly bringing me out of my pain, until I was now merely hiccupping. He pulled away looking down at me. One hand was petting my hair absentmindedly, the other wrapped around my back tightly still. I stared into his eyes, all my pain locked away again, becoming a dull dream with his presence.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly lifting my head from his chest, his light tunic stained darker from my tears.
"I do not wish to burden you; you have always been there for me. " I pushed him away staring at him. "I know the elves hold high regard for emissaries of the Valar" I took a step back hiccupping "I will not harm your kingdom, I will not-" I took a sharp breath in looking down. "Saruman was corrupt, you shouldn't fear-"
He interrupted me his voice was soft but wavered with emotion. He was trying to keep his composure.
"You think you are a burden to me? That my actions are an act of diplomacy for my kingdom?!" he hissed the last part.
I didn't reply I couldn't speak. He took a step forward. "I am here because I care for you." He reached out, lifting my chin up with his thumb, so now I looked up at him. I saw truth in his eyes. My eyes welled in relief and longing. I stretched my arms out and hugged him, he instantly encased me. We stood silently embracing. My face in the crease of his neck, I gripped his back. He held me tightly, one hand on the back of my head as if cradling it, the other in the middle of my back.
Verya Huffed at us. I pulled away feeling embarrassed. I pulled on the sleeves of my dress nervously. "Would you like to go back to your room now Lóth nin?"[my flower] Legolas asked looking down at me, his hands now rested on each of my shoulders. I nodded.
I truly did not want to; I wanted to stay alone with Legolas. I wanted our embrace to last forever. But he cares for me as a friend not how I wish he cared for me, I should not having these feelings regarding his kindness. Knowing he at least cared for me and didn't think of me as a duty still made my heart leap.
We walked back to the Hall, after exiting the stables the intensity of our emotions seemed to fizzle out, we began talking of our friends casually as if we had not spent hours in eachothers arms. "Do you think Éowyn will marry Aragorn? I see how she looks at him."
"Aragorn has pledged himself long ago to the elven Lady Arwen, of Rivendell."
"Elves can marry other races?" I asked hope in my voice.
"Elves marry only their one sole bonded. If the bonded happens to be another race then yes, that was the case with Luthien and Beren."
"Their bonded?" I was confused
"it is an unbreakable bond, When an Elf first feels this type of strong commitment forming, we begin to feel what the other person is feeling. " he paused looking at me slowing his steps "the bond is not of our choosing, we do not know our bonded until we touch them. Some elves wait centuries to meet their bonde-"
"Elves can live centuries?!" I interrupted
"Elves are immortal"
"How old are you then!" He sighed seeming to concentrate "this year I will be 1302 years" 1302 years? I'm only 20!
I gaped at him as he continued "If the bond is with another Elf, they will begin to feel our own feelings as well. Through this bond, each one can sense all of the feelings the other is feeling. If separated, we can get a general sense of direction the other is in, feeling their fëa. the bond is not complete until marriage, when the two become one flesh. "He cleared his throat
"Elves only bond once, and if their bonded dies they soon might fade themselves from grief."
I frowned at the thought.
"Do other races feel the feelings of the bond as well?"
"Aragorn is the only one I have personally known, who is bonded to an Elf. I do not know if he has that deep of a connection to the bond, though when they are wed and it is solidified and strengthened perhaps he will."
"Are you bonded?" I asked not wanting to hear the answer. "Yes though our bond is incomplete." He looked at me strangely when he said that, his eyes held an unknown emotion.
I frowned deeper. His heart belonged to another. Probably another Elf from his realm. We walked back through the thick doors of the Golden Hall; hours must have passed as there were now only few still taking in the festivities. Poor Legolas, he missed the feast to come to my rescue. The minstrels had retired leaving the only sound the slurred words of the drunk that continued on. Legolas walked me to my room. "Post eithel lóth nin" [Rest well my flower] I just nodded in reply. I didn't understand the Elvish, I felt so drained from crying for hours, so guilty and undeserving of his affections. As he walked away to his own room that he shared with the others, I felt my peace leave with each step. I changed into a tunic and leggings and tried desperately to sleep. Tossing and turning. Irritated, I gave up, putting my boots on, strapping my sword to my belt along with my water skin and throwing my satchel over my shoulder. I decided a walk in the fields might calm my thoughts. I stepped into the hall quietly.
"Pippin!" Merry cried out in the room not far from mine. His voice echoed in the night. "Help! Gandalf Help him! Someone help!" I ran into the room, and briefly stood in the doorway watching the scene take place. Pippin was bent over his bed, his hands seemed glued to a glowing, hissing orb. He screamed and trembled in either pain or fear. His body contorted as if possessed. I ran to him, trying to take the orb from him, to toss it to the floor. Upon touching it a fierce burning coursed through me, a great flaming eye clouded my vision. The heat I felt to my core, there was no escape from it, no respite, I was surrounded by flames. I saw myself in a tall tower, a crown of thorns on my brow, wearing a black robe. I looked cold and regal, as if I were a queen. "Verity Woodward, have no fear fair one." I heard a voice say in my head. "Come to me." the voice echoed.
Pippin and I both thrashed together holding the orb. "Join me, we can grow a new Middle Earth together." the voice echoed, it was sickly sweet, yet deep as thunder. Another vision flashed before me, I saw myself chained to a damp stone wall, with thick metal chains. The chains cutting deep gnashes into my wrists and ankles, gray sickly plants grew under my feet my head hung low, the crown of thorns imbedded in my flesh.
"Pippin!"
"Fool of a Took!"
Someone yanked my body back bringing me back to reality, I saw Legolas peering down at me, I was lying on the cold ground. It was a sweet respite from the fires I felt burning within me. Pippin lay on his bed, Aragorn was also on the floor. What had happened? Did the eye speak to all of us or just me?
Gandalf spoke "what did you tell him!" he was angry his words directed towards Pippin.
"Speak!"
Pippin trembled on his bed, his voice pained. "He asked me my name. I didn't answer." He paused panting "He hurt me."
"What did you tell him of Frodo and the Ring?"
"Nothing! I told him Nothing!"
"Fool of a Took. Few among us have the strength to look safely into the Palantír, even fewer the authority. "Gandalf sighed then turning his attention to me.
"Verity what did you see?" he asked gently kneeling down beside my form that still laid on the cold ground.
I gulped not wanting to remember. He reached his hand out and cradled my face "Look at me."
He said gently. "Look at me, what did you see?"
"He wants me." I said my voice cracking as I tried to sit up onto my elbows. "I saw myself in chains and a crown of thorns." I took a shaky breath in "as a captive queen." He urged me to continue with his eyes, the whole room was silent, straining to hear my soft voice. Legolas was bent down as well looking down at me.
I couldn't though, I opened my mouth and could not speak any more of it. Gandalf retreated his hand and rose to his feet wearily. "Bid the guards to wake the king, we must speak with Théoden at once." He said grasping his staff.
"Aragorn did you touch it as well?" he asked turning to him. Aragorn looked as put out as Pippin.
"yes." He replied weakly. Legolas helped me to my feet, his jaw was clenched.
"Even this may turn to our advantage, come we must tell the King." Gandalf bellowed His expression hard.
We hurried out of the room, Legolas casting me worried glances as we walked.
The dawn of the earlier morning lit the hall dimly, Théoden stood before us, his countenance was dark and weary, as if he didn't rest through the night either. The extra tables and benches that were brought in for the feast now were shadowed with empty pints and glasses. The air smelt sour.
Gandalf began explaining what had happened to the king, if I thought he looked weary before now I would say he had begun to mirror how he looked when I first saw him. "Sauron moves to strike the city of Minas Tirith. His defeat at Helm's Deep showed our enemy one thing: he knows the heir of Elendil has come forth. Men are not as weak as he supposed; there is courage still, strength enough perhaps to challenge him. Sauron fears this. He will not risk the peoples of Middle-Earth uniting under one banner."
Gandalf spoke taking a step forward towards Théoden. "He will raze Minas Tirith to the ground before he sees a King return to the throne of men. If the Beacons of Gondor are lit, Rohan must be ready for war."
Théoden sneered "Tell me… why we should ride to the aid of those who did not come to ours?"
"What do we owe Gondor?" he said with more feeling
I took a step forward "Did not the Elves come to your aid?! If you turn your back should Gondor call for aid, you would dishonor the name of Rohan." I said fiercely.
I surprised myself by speaking; it was not in my character to go against authority. I was full of anger, had not the marchwarden of another realm fallen fighting for their people? Had not Gandalf come to their aid riding tirelessly into battle? Was not our entire company foreign to Rohan yet all fought alongside them? I was seething in anger. Legolas placed a gentle hand on my back.
Théoden clicked his tongue his eyes hard gazing at me, "You know not the heaviness in bearing a diadem, nor the burdens that accompany it. " he said to silence me. Images of myself wearing a crown of thorns flashed in my mind again. As if I were a queen over Mordor. Legolas tensed next to me seeming to know where my mind drifted with the rebuke.
"I will go." Aragorn said
"No." Gandalf dismissed him
Aragorn scoffed "They must be warned!"
"They will be." He said calmly, easing the tension of the room. There was a glint in his eye "You must come to Minas Tirith by another road." He took a step towards Aragorn "Follow the river and look to the black ships."
He turned addressing the rest of the company now "Understand this: things are now in motion that cannot be undone. I ride for Minas Tirith."
He turned his gaze to Pippin and then his eyes flicked to me.
"And I won't be going alone." Gandalf said striding down the Golden Hall, beckoning us to follow.
"Am I to go with you Gandalf?" Pippin asked in confusion
"Not only you." he said sending a glance in my direction as we walked down the steps and into the city streets. I struggled to keep up with Gandalf's steps; the hobbits were practically running on their short legs to keep up as well. Merry and Pippin speaking nervously to each other.
The sun had risen; the ground was soft with the morning dew. When we made it to the stables, I stood at the entrance, not wanting to crowd the small building more than it needed to be. Legolas was whispering in Elvish to Aragorn inside the stables, his voice rising.
"Quickly there is no time to lose!" Gandalf ordered as they made preparations on the horses. Aragorn walked out holding Verya's reins leading him out of the stable. I looked at him confused when I saw no other horses being led out. Legolas was still in the stable with the others whispering fiercely in Elvish at Gandalf, who seemed unbothered by his tone of voice and whatever he was saying. Aragorn gestured for me to get on my horse; I waved his hand away mounting Verya on my own.
Soon the rest of the company emerged from the stables, Merry looked distraught and pale. Gandalf sat astride Shadowfax with Pippin in front of him. Shadowfax made Verya look like a pony standing next to him; he was the largest horse I've ever seen.
Merry gripped onto Pippins leg not tall enough to reach the rest of his body as he sat so high up on the animal. "Why did you look? You always have to look!" his voice cracked at the end
The rest of the company gave us goodbyes and farewells; I didn't ask Gandalf why he wanted me to accompany him and Pippin. I knew his response would be some type of riddle I couldn't decipher. When it came time for Legolas to give his goodbyes, he reached for my hand. Much like the others had, I assumed he would give me a reassuring squeeze like Aragorn. Instead I gasped as he lifted it to his lips and kissed it gently.
"It is a three day ride to Minas Tirith. Look to the beacon and be ready" Gandalf said "fly Shadowfax!"