We galloped on the plains, the further we went from Edoras the more hollow I seemed to feel. During the night Pippin and I stayed close to Gandalf, laying our bedrolls practically on top of his. We did not rest much, Pippin and I tossed and turned, very aware of the howling we heard not far off. Gandalf woke me once grumbling about me having a nightmare. We rode well into the night, and then before the sun even rose the next day. Pippin seemed to get a bit more respite than I, as he was able to fall asleep on Shadowfax while we rode, leaning back into Gandalf for support. The lack of sleep made it difficult to focus, I was glad Verya seemed to be on auto pilot. My chest ached as if it were empty. On one of our short rests, I hopped from Verya and bolted away from the small party needing to relieve my bladder. I wandered far, until I was sure they could not see me. When I was done I started back towards them quickly so we could continue on. My whole being cried out in exhaustion.
I heard a screech come from the air above me.
"Winged Nazgûl!" Gandalf cried, I ran to him trying to close the distance as the shrieks got closer. A bright light shone from Gandalf's staff blinding me, but it was too late I felt myself being lifted by a set of talons. I flailed and gasped at the tight grip as I was lifted higher into the air.
"Verity!"
I looked up at it trying to break myself free, the winged creature: if bird, was greater than all other birds, it was naked, having neither quill nor feather, and its vast pinions were as webs of hide between horned fingers; and it stank. The stench was that of sulfur. There was a man hidden by a black hood, riding the beast. His voice, which uttered only his will and his malice, was filled with evil and horror. I felt nothing but fear as we flew through the air. Wanting to scream but unable, whether by the torrents of wind that took my breath, or the deep dread I felt sealing my throat shut. My limbs became numb and cold hanging limp, my arms unnaturally bent. I drifted in and out of awareness.
I felt a sharp pain on my cheek as I was slapped back into reality, a man clothed in all manner of darkness, covered in strange tattoos stood before me. When did I get here? We were standing at the base of a tall black tower; the sky above was clouded and dark. "Do I need to hit you again? I said Move!" he screamed at me. I felt vines creep up around my feet locking me in place. He yanked on my arm, popping my shoulder out of socket, causing me to yelp in pain. He pulled out a sword and began slicing away at the vines under my feet; each time new ones took its place. My arm hung limp at my side searing in pain. The man cursed at me in a foreign tongue, hacking at the vines fervently, I poured out all my will into them, knowing if I entered the tower I would never leave. "That's enough Thaurith." A voice like thunder spoke from the entrance. The owner of the voice strode towards me. He had a terrible form, of a stature greater than a Man's, though not giant; my line of sight met the middle of his chest. I had to crane my neck to meet his face. The man below me stopped sawing at my vines and bowed his head at the man before me. If I had not been literally grounded I would have crumbled in a heap at the immense commanding man before me. He oozed power from his pores, he wore dark robes, an image of malice and hatred made visible, his right hand was black and marred having only 4 fingers. He reached out his unmarred, left hand to my face, brushing the hair behind my ear as I flinched. "You hurt her." He said darkly. The man who was bowing shot through the air hitting the outer wall of the tower and falling to the ground. Nothing touched him; the black robed man didn't even raise a finger towards him.
He popped my shoulder into place and I bit back a scream, afraid to make any noise lest I have the same fate of the man who now lay at the base of the tower. "Now, are you going to continue to be difficult with me?" I gulped There was no mistake the man before me was Sauron.
My vines loosened their hold as I stepped forward, I was conflicted. I did not want anyone else to lose their life on my accord, even if they were abusing me. I knew I would not be able to stand there forever. He smiled at me, his smile was unnerving. He rested his hand on my back as he led me into the tower. The touch made me want to vomit. We walked past orcs and men, all stopped to bow to their Dark Lord briefly. I stumbled and shook, my knees weak, as we walked up the many steps of the tower. The feeling of dread persisted. How would I ever think of escaping this place? The only reason the orcs or men had not caused me further harm was due to Sauron's presence. We reached the top of the tower and he pressed his hand firmly into my back forcing me forward into the only room there. The room was dim, despite having an open balcony and a wall of windows. The ceilings were high and vaulted. There was an orb similar to the one I touched that sat on a pedestal near the center of the room. A bed lay in the corner, on top of the balcony sat a small table and two chairs. He pressed me forward towards the balcony. I willed my feet forward. Has Gandalf made it to Minas Tirith? How many days have passed? Do they yet live?
The Balcony was high overlooking all of Mordor, ash flew through the air, and thick black plumes of smoke clouded the view underneath. The snarls of orcs and screams of the tortured, echoed, giving the only indication there was anything other than smoke underneath. He sat me down roughly, and sat across from me. I wonder how far the drop is to the bottom. "Tell me, Do you know of Aulë?" his voice thundered out, it seemed to speak in my mind even though he moved his lips. "I know he is Yavanna's husband, I do not know much else about him." I said quietly. He smiled, sending chills down my spine, seeming to expect that answer.
"I was an apprentice of Aulë. Before I surpassed him." he said with pride. "He was master, from small works of skin to the forging of all lands and mountains and basins of the sea. He made the rocks, the gems and all minerals." He reached a hand out to pick a piece of ash out of my hair. The close proximity made me freeze in terror. "His wife, she was responsible for all things that grew in the earth, from the towering trees to the moss on the rocks."
He stood up abruptly and leaned on the balcony's ledge overlooking out into the distance.
"Your skill rivals hers, even with your marred spirit. The world they have built is flawed, lacking order, planning and coordination. Together we can build a new perfect Middle Earth." He turned to me now waiting my response.
I rose to my feet, trembling, "You desire for the destruction of life, not the making of it!" my voice was a soft whisper. My eyes held indignation.
"Are we so different?" he took a step towards me and I took one back.
"I'm nothing like you." I said louder in open disdain.
Suddenly he was in my mind; images of torment clouded my vision.
Pippin holding Merry's lifeless body sobbing, His skin was a sickly gray, his eyes lazily open and unmoving.
Gandalf standing on the wall at Helms Deep as the explosion went off his body shredded, limbs and guts flying in all directions.
These are lies, they're not real. They're lies. Gandalf wasn't on the wall.
Aragorn getting eaten alive by Orcs, their teeth hungrily gnashing, ripping at his vesture as he wailed, trying to flee. Wailing until an orc tore out his throat with their teeth. His lifeless eyes glassed over as blood spewed out of his neck, the orcs relished and lapped it up bathing in it.
It's not real they're lies it's not real. I told myself.
The images got worse and worse, showing all of my comrades dying in more and more violent ways.
"Please" I breathed out. I felt like I was choking, my skin clammy, tears streamed down my face.
Instantly the visions went away. He stood before me with an annoyed expression.
"Now, are you going to continue to be difficult with me?" he asked the same question he had asked me earlier. I was panting hard doubled over. "I will not do what you ask of me. " I said my voice weak and low yet oozing with abhorrence.
"Very well." He smirked sadistically, relishing the pain he was about to impose on me.
The torrent of brutal illusions was incessant, lasting hours. I felt it slowly chipping away at my being, and my will. My mind becoming desensitized to such horrors. I felt I had matured many years under such torture. No longer naive and innocent, there was a change inside of me. The shy sorry girl, was a distant memory.
When he released me from his hold on my mind I was laying on the ground in the fetal position.
"Another matter has taken my attention, Perhaps when I return you will relent." He said walking out of the room.
I fell asleep on the floor. When I awoke, I hobbled to the balcony and stood overlooking the ledge. You could not decipher night or day here; the sky was always clouded and dark. I willed my vines to grow from the ground again, using all my energy. I saw them climb the side of the ledge emerging from the dark clouds underneath. They climbed over the balcony torpidly, looking a sickly gray, crumbling in my hands like ash. Maybe it was the relentless trauma, or the deep hollowness I felt, but I didn't panic like I know I would have before. My hair blew wildly into my face from the wind.
I trudged back into the room, feeling determined. I yanked at the door; it was locked and would not budge. I bounded towards the bed hurriedly, ripping the blankets and sheets off tying them in a long rope, though not long enough. I cast it over the side of the ledge climbing down till I had reached the end and hung still several stories above the ground. I the sheets and blankets swung in the torrents of wind, throwing my body against the stone of the tower. The thick smoke like a fog choked me stealing my breath. I could let go, I could let go and this would be over.
I heard a sigh above me and the linen tied rope getting lifted, Sauron grabbed me fiercely once I reached the ledge. He lifted me over it and dragged me back into the room throwing me on the floor.
"I am beginning to lose my patience with you." he spat.
He then knelt down at my form, which he just threw violently; his countenance completely changed, his voice much softer, a facade of kindness. "I would have you to rule at my side, don't you see? You are the one forcing my hand, I do not relish causing you pain." he lifted my chin to look at him with his black calloused hand. "Just as Yavanna and Aulë, were made for each other, we are such a match." I tried to pull away from his hold on my chin, but he squeezed, digging his black nails into my skin, drawing blood as he held my gaze. I couldn't reply, I didn't trust myself. All my attempts to leave have been a loss.
He tsked and stood up quickly "Are you hungry? I will bring you some food, and get you into adequate clothing." He let go of my chin and pushed my hair out of my face, gently. He stood up walking out of the room without another word to me. I thought of Legolas, wondering how he was, if he was even alive. A bearded gangly man came in shortly after Sauron left, and brought me a feast of a meal, several dishes and dessert. He laid a fine black robe on the bed for me to change into. I ate numbly, knowing if I starved myself I would be weaker and the hope for escape would be impossible. The food was delicious, the best quality I've ever had. Nothing I would expect from Barad-dûr. I changed into the robe, wanting desperately out of my sweat soaked tunic and leggings. The material was soft as velvet, embroidered around the collar in a floral pattern.
Days past much the same after that, Sauron sending me elaborate meals, and fine clothing, he allowed me out of the room twice, escorted by evil men to take a bath. He would still come into the room to tell me how we were made for each other, trying to convince me I stood on the wrong side and he was being longsuffering and patient with me.
One such occasion he entered the room smiling and placed a dark crown of thorns on my brow.
"Beautiful" he breathed, licking his lips. I did not blush, at his exclamation. I stood stiffly, glaring at him.
"The crown was made just for you, out of your very hedges; it has traveled very far to come to you."
He sighed "Don't you see the great lengths I go to care for you?"
"Care?! You hold me captive!" I had not spoken in days, fearing if I did, I would agree to his plots. Become beguiled by him. My voice sounded foreign to me, coming out raspy and hoarse. His face darkened into one of pure malice, one I had not seen since I first came. I did not miss it; however it was much easier to not be tempted by him, if he tortured me, over treating me.
He did not reply instead grabbing my arm, his nails dug deep, cutting through my robe and into the flesh beneath. He led me impulsively down the many steps and through the dark corridors in the tower. We stopped before a small cell lined with metal bars. On the walls hung rusty, metal chains and shackles. He cackled as he chained me to the wall.
I hung there the metal digging into my flesh, my crown piercing the skin underneath it. My face dripped with blood, my wrists were sore, the entire cell was hot as if it were inside Mount Doom itself. My body poured sweat. I willed the vines to come up again, to break my bonds. Only weak ashy one grew at my feet. I hung there for hours, losing all feeling in my hands, my head hung low.
I thought of Legolas, his warm embrace, the way he cradled me. His calloused thumb from years of archery. His melodious laugh, and his gentle singing voice. Would he come to my aid now as he always did before? If he would have wouldn't he have already? I am alone here. I miss Gimli, his silly banter and teasing. Aragorn with his brotherly affection. I miss Legolas most of all.
Will I ever see them again?
I thought of Legolas's fëa, how it enveloped me when I was near. How it calmed me. I focused on that feeling. Staying my mind on the memory of the calm I once felt. The memories gave me strength, I felt a wholeness wash over me, it felt as though he was there with me in spirit. Though I know he wasn't. My head rose dripping with blood.
I inhaled deeply and tried again to make the vines, focusing my thoughts on Legolas. Thick woody vines rose out of the ground and wrapped tightly around my bonds before snapping them and retreating back into the ground. My arms felt like pins and needles, my wrists raw, but nothing compared to the new strength I felt. The lack of regard, the free feeling of letting go.
I approached the bars to my cell and focused again on Legolas, he is what grounded me. The only compassion I have left. The rest of me has drifted into apathy. Vines rose from the ground, wrapping tightly around the metal and bending it so I could step through. It screeched making an uncomfortable sound echoing down the corridor. I paused briefly, listening for approaching footsteps and heard none. I walked through the empty corridor, no longer fearful and cowering at what I saw along the way. The scenes of torture I was desensitized to. Any man or orc in my way I wrapped up in vines, I did not spare their lives either. They were all strangled by my vines as I watched the life leave their eyes, with a detachment. They would choke and gasp, squirm against the restraint until finally stilling, dead. They do not deserve to live. I marched out of the tower, my robe flying in the wind. My heart called out to Legolas. And I ran, I ran only stopping if someone stood in my way, quickly felling them without a second thought. I ran for hours. My legs burned underneath me.
"Dúrrís Is Missing!" [Dark queen]
I ran on soot covered stone steps, raggedy in edge and crumbly, and into a smaller tower. Scattered bodies of orcs lay scattered along my path. I heard voices as I ran inside.
"I thought I'd lost you… so I took it. Only for safekeeping."
"Give it to me. Give me the ring, Sam."
"Sam! Give me the Ring."
"You must understand, the Ring is my burden. It will destroy you, Sam."
"Come on, Mister Frodo. We best find you some clothes. You can't go walking to Mordor in naught but your skin."
I strode in my gaze dark, softened seeing the bearers of the voices. Two halfings. One lay on the ground not clothed. The bigger of the two halfings drew his sword stepping towards me.
"Are you the friends of Pippin and Merry?" I asked. I looked frightening, my crown deeply embedded into my brow, streams of dried blood painted down my face, my expression was dark, not smiling even with the eye.
"What do you know of Merry and Pippin?"
"They were my friends; they told me stories of the Shire, Allow me to accompany you. I will guard you in your burden."
I said, my voice holding no emotion but anger as I spoke. My legs shook, seeming to vibrate from running endlessly.
"How can we know you are not working for Sauron?" Frodo asked suspiciously
"You can only trust my word. Had I been a worker of Sauron I would have long slain you both or hauled you off to get tortured. "My voice was bitter, not at all friendly.
Frodo nodded conflicted. He rose; we all stole armor and clothing off the dead urk-hais that were in the room. Something that before I would have grimaced, and paled at the thought of. I stood guard as they dressed, and they turned politely as I did. I put a helmet on over my crown causing it to embed deeper into my flesh, the pain did not bother me, I simply did not want to pull it out and have more blood cloud my vision, so it stayed for now. They looked silly and comical, the helmets were much too big tipping forward, blocking their eyes. Their shoulder pads stuck out far past where they should. We walked quietly out of the tower and across the rocky terrain. I led the way. My steps only being led by my longing to see Legolas again; To feel something other than apathy and anger, To find joy in more than just memories.
I must be brave. I must be strong, if I wish to ever see him again. We stopped on a hill overlooking all of Mordor, crystalline rocks, crunched under our feet, the landscape was dotted with many Orc campfires and camps, the black tower too was in view. On top of the tower of Barad-dûr, the Eye of Sauron was roving the landscape, Mount Doom seemed like a small hill from where we stood. The eye roved frantically as if a giant spotlight, whether looking for me or the hobbits I did not know.
"It's Him! The Eye!" Frodo yelled
"We have to go in there, Mister Frodo. There's nothing for it. Well, let's make it down the hill for starters, shall we?" Sam said bravely
We snuck on the outskirts of the camps making slow progress.
"To the gate, you slugs! Move out! To the gate!" An Orc blew a mighty horn and the armies in the plain of Gorgoroth, moved further from us.
"Look, the Orcs! They're moving off. You see, Mister Frodo, some luck at last."
We hid behind a large rock watching them. A company of orcs broke off from the others and marched straight towards us. It was a small band I would relish in killing. A distant memory floated to my couscous an innocent Verity, not wanting to hurt another, even when they came to her for blood.
"What are we going to do?!" Sam whispered
"I have you." I said to reassure him. The Orcs now stood a foot from where we hid.
The orc captain snarled "Move it, you slugs!" bending down over the rock looking at us.
"Get up! Come on, you slugs!" the orc moves to whip us and I stood in the way of Frodo and Sam holding my arm out, taking the lashing for them. My eyes shone in fire but I held it in. not yet.
"You three are going straight to the front line! Now, move it! Go on! Fall in! Move it! Move it! Move it!"
We joined the orc column; the stench of bile and Sulphur was rich in their company. The steps were loud in the mass, our movement quaked the ground under our feet. Sam cast worried glances up towards me. "To the Gates, you slugs! Now move it!" the sea of orcs headed towards the black gate with us at the front line.
"Company Halt! Inspection!" The orcs stop in line, the sound and vibration of their steps pausing instantly. Frodo stumbles to fall, I catch him steadying him as he hunched over.
"Stand up, Mister Frodo! Stand up!" Sam said frantically. He braced Frodo's other side as we supported his weight together.
"It's so heavy!" Frodo said breathlessly, he gestured to the chain around his neck holding the ring; it had begun to cut at him, slicing his neck, making the skin red and inflamed.
The captain was walking through the lines, slowly. Snarling and spitting as he went, he caught sight of us and strode in our direction, with purpose.
"What do I do? What do we do?" Sam asked his voice heightened in pitch with his panic.
I looked down at him "I will make a distraction you to make for the mount." My voice was monotone and calm.
I shoved at Sam, and said in the same monotone apathetic voice "Nobody pushes me, you filthy maggot!" he soon caught on to what I was doing.
"Filthy maggot who are you calling a filthy maggot you terrible slug!" I wanted to laugh at his awful insult but I couldn't. He shoved me back; orcs circled us and began fighting themselves as if our violence were contagious.
"Break it up! Break it up." the orc captain called out "Oy! I'll have your guts if you don't shut this rabble down!" I looked at Sam and Frodo and whispered to them "go now run!" Frodo and Sam crept off in the direction of Mount Doom. My only hope was their success, maybe if these clouds of darkness fell so would go my inner darkness.
"Back in the line! You maggots! Back into the line, you slugs!" I needed to time my revenge right, to give Frodo and Sam their best chance.
We marched to the Black Gate, standing before it. Its tall dark shadow shrouded the army. A single hooded figure passed through our ranks, and rode through the gate to the other side. "Fall in line Scum!" an Orc shoves at me. I removed my helmet, revealing my embedded crown of thorns and blood stained face.
"You dare speak to your queen in such a manner?!" I roared. Orcs sprung up to grab at me. "It is Dúrrís seize her take her back to the tower!" [Dark queen] as he spoke the Black Gate creaked and swayed open. Light poured in, sunlight felt strange and foreign. Orcs marching past the ones trying to grab me, their feet rumbling the ground, their snarls deafening together. I glared at the orcs strangling them in my vines.
"Pull back! Pull back!" I heard a familiar voice yell.
I couldn't focus on it I had to focus on immobilizing as many orcs, for sake of Frodo and Sam, for sake of ever seeing Legolas again.
"By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!"
Orcs surged around me running forward, some tripping on the stumped roots of their brothers ensnarements, and falling victim to my enchantment as well. I saw an army of men outside the gate. I wonder if any of my friends are among them.
I danced further into the battle of men dodging attacks of orcs and felling them in my vines. The bright sunlight making me squint. My sweat mingled with my blood and burned on my brow.
"Ahh!" I looked to my left hearing a familiar cry. My heart leapt a small feeling of empathy being restored. I saw Pippin holding a sword looking like a valiant warrior. "Pippin!" I yelled my voice held emotion, though mostly anger. He ran to me hugging my legs "Verity!" the hug chipped away at the shell I had formed protecting my heart. We did not have a long reunion, both of us quickly forced to reengaged with the enemy again. If Pippin is here that means Gandalf is as well. And maybe the others?
A high pitched scream cried out from the eye of Sauron everyone stopped fighting and looked in its direction, even the Nazgûl that flew above their wings seemed to freeze in the air, Sauron's troops look back to Mordor, then fled in all directions. The tower of Barad-dûr slowly fell over, crashing violently to the ground, The Eye of Sauron disappeared, letting lose a great shockwave. The black gate collapsed as the ground below it caved in. I heard cheers but they sounded distant. An explosion rang out as Mount Doom erupted, spewing heat and molten rock into the air.
I collapsed to the ground, feeling every emotion I've repressed in my time here. Finally feeling free, safe to feel them. No longer on auto pilot. Every part of my body burned with pain, my thoughts were fragmented and seemed so far away from me, I could focus on nothing. As I felt my body getting lifted from the ground I heard myself wail, as I fell into blackness.
I woke up in a soft plush bed; I opened my eyes in panic, flailing my arms thinking it was the same bed in the tower. I thrashed and screamed as large arms held me down on each side, keeping me from hurting myself. I couldn't see the figures who stood above me, my vision was blurry and unfocused the bright light of day shone in the window, stinging and blinding my eyes.
"You're safe." A voice said as I still fought against their hold. "you're safe Verity, you're safe you're not in the tower, you're safe. " my vision came into focus and I saw Aragorn held my left side as Legolas stilled my right. My heart skipped a beat seeing Legolas in front of me alive. Knowing he was the only thing that kept me alive, the memories of him willed me forward.
"Legolas are you really here?" I croaked Aragorn let go of my arm and walked out of the room to let us have some privacy.
"I am here lóth nin " [My flower] I gaped at him not able to fathom how he stood before me, when I had seen him tortured and his body lifeless and limb so many times. Was this another one of Sauron's tricks? Was Legolas going to fall decapitated before me?
"You're real?" I asked again needing reassurance once more. He grabbed my hand, lifting it to rest on his chest. I felt the rise and fall of his breathe, and the quickened pulse underneath it. he felt real. "Where are we?" I asked trying to sit up. " You are in the healing hall of Minas Tirith" Legolas braced my back with left hand helping me to sit up, his other still lay atop mine that rest on his chest. I lifted up my hand from the bed and felt my face; there was a thick bandage over my forehead. My crown. Dúrrís crown. "Do not let your mind wander there lóth nin, He can never hurt you again."[My flower]
"How long have I been here?" I asked he looked down at me with care in his eyes "we've only just returned from our journey, the trip was a few days, you've been resting for most of it."
"Did we win?" I asked my eyes welling with tears. "Yes. Are you hungry?" he asked reaching to brush a stray hair out of my face, causing me to retreat in terror ripping my hand from his chest; I flinched sharply at his touch. "I'm safe?!" I asked frantically, my eyes wide staring at him in terror. "Yes we are in Minas Tirith, you are safe, Sauron cannot hurt you again."
We had the same conversation several times over; Legolas was patient and gentle with me and my trauma, a calming presence reminding me I was safe. He did not reach again for my hair, knowing from my vehement reaction something happened in Mordor regarding it. He did not question me about what happened, he was a quiet calm presence next to me, never leaving my side. Save to get me food or fetch a healer.