I scrambled to my feet, trying to put distance between us. My thin chemise showing my silhouette in the light pouring from the window.

Legolas misread my meaning to flee; his eyes cast a sad shadow on his face. "You're safe, were in Minas Tirith, we have won. Sauron cannot harm you again. "He recited it softly, the same way he did it many times the day before, rising from the bed himself and walking towards my form. I wasn't fleeing from Sauron; I was fleeing from my feelings, my longings for Legolas. I took a step back from him. if I allow myself in his embrace what will I do? Could I trust myself around him? He had been the sole entity that grounded me; the memories of him kindled my fading fëa. He was so kind, so chivalrous, so gentle and careful where he touched me or looked. 'Because he's bonded to another' I thought grievously.

"I-I would like to be alone." I said to him, my voice was bitter; I hung my head low, looking at the floor as his figure retreated out of the room and out of the door. I stayed still for a long time fighting myself, chastising myself for pushing him away, at the same time, scolding myself for wishing he returned.

I sighed irritated with myself, ripping open the wardrobe, where my things had been kept, and pulling out a fresh change of clothes before stalking to the bathroom connected to my room. I tore my chemise off while walking tossing it to the floor along with my underwear. I sat on the edge of the of the tub, as I ran the water, staring at my reflection in the mirror, thin gauze strip bandages were wrapped along my chest, once a bright white were now, a dull pink wet with salve. My forehead held a thicker bandage. I slowly unwrapped it wanting to see my reflection, my scars I bore. I knew my healer would not want me to, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

I had peeled back all of my bandages, leaving a soft pile of my discards, down at my feet. My face wasn't as scarred as I thought it would be, there were no lasting marks, save for a dark pink line going through my right eyebrow, severing the brow in twain. The skin around the mark was bruised a sickly yellow and green. My chest was still pink and inflamed though no longer bleeding; the scratches were hot to the touch. They did not look deep enough to scar.

I cleaned at my skin anxiously, sitting in the tub long past being a prune. When I rose and got dressed in my tunic and leggings seemingly dazed, I didn't bandage my chest back, or my brow. The wounds seemed superficial now. I walked back to the wardrobe and put on my boots sitting on the bed.

After Aragorn had left my room yesterday, when I first woke up, he had gone and told everyone I was awake. Shortly after lunch the door opened and one by one all of my dear friends filed in side from Frodo, who still was sleeping himself. It overwhelmed me; I tried to calm my mind. Every hug and regard made me more panicked as I imagined their lifeless bodies and the visions from Sauron.

I held my resolve with the help of Legolas's gentle presence at my side, until Merry and Pippin ran in past the crowd of others, jumping on top of me on the bed in an embrace. I thrashed my body, throwing them off of me. Seeing their pale gray skin in my mind, the two realities coursed together and I wasn't able to decipher what was happening. I saw Pippin in a blood soaked tunic lying on a battle field, his face contorted in pain.

"Gar- hen dad he tur- negr- hain" [hold her still she will hurt them]

"Im hi meleth nin" [I'm here my beloved] "Lar- mime óma"[ hear my voice.]

Then I was back in my room seeing him at the side of my bed looking at me with concern. "I'm safe?!" I asked my voice cracking. I didn't hear their voices, they all meddled together, I could no longer focus on Legolas's hand. I was back in Sauron's grasp.

I don't remember them leaving, or how long it took me to come back to reality, when I did. It was only Legolas left in my room, having not left my side once. I haven't seen any of them side from Aragorn and Gimli since then.

I wish Legolas was still here with me, I truly do not desire solitude. But am I ready to be around others? I sighed standing up and walking out of the door. The Healing Halls of Minas Tirith were much different than that of Edoras or Helms Deep. In Edoras and Helms Deep the cities were so flooded with refuges, the term seemed to be used loosely, regarding someone who needed a healer, no matter where they resided. I expected to walk down a corridor and see a great throne room or a banquet hall much like before but it seemed I was in an actual designated Healing Hall. I wandered about, getting lost in the long corridors there was not much hope of me returning to my room now, I had no idea where I was or how to get back. Fear cut through me, reminding me of the many corridors in the black tower.

"Lady Verity-" I jumped and turned seeing Sam. he was cautious, as if he had been behind me a while and mulled over getting my attention. I smiled at him but made sure there was a distance in between us. He seemed bewildered at my smile. I supposed that would be expected, all he's known of me in Mordor, was as the apathetic cold woman, and then here a violently thrashing about a sobbing mess of one.

"I think I might be lost" I interrupted him. I know he was going to ask how I was doing, and I couldn't deal with that right now. He nodded "Would you like me to show you back to your room, or to the dining hall?" he paused then enthusiastically said "there's also a garden connected to the Hall, would you like me to take you there?" I cringed should I go to the garden? What would I grow there? Vines of malice? Sickly gray leaves of ash? Or thorns that cut deep into the flesh? Was I even able to create things beautiful again?

I shook my head at him "The dining hall would be fine thank you Sam."

He led me through the corridors and down several steps until we reached the dining hall, it was full of laughter and several familiar faces. When we walked in, there was an audible gasp that rang out and all in the room stilled watching me. "I have you." Sam repeated the words I told him long ago back to me.

I walked through the large room, with Sam. Anytime I'd pause or falter in step he would stand there waiting patiently for me to calm my resolve, he seemed to know I did not want to be touched. He led me to a table that held a very pale Merry and Pippin, along with a few other companions. Gandalf cast me a knowing look as I shakily took a seat. Merry and Pippin exchanged glances afraid to move. Legolas made to reach for me then pulled his hand away. Gimli was quiet not his usual 'wee lass' comments or teasing. They all seemed guarded around me. Aragorn was missing, along with Frodo. Who was probably still asleep or in the Healing Hall?

Sam acted much like a caretaker to me then, much as I saw him act towards Frodo, he brought me a bowl of stew and filled the silence with his rambling until the table calmed and began talking themselves.

I stood up abruptly drawing their attention back to me, I leaned down towards Gandalf's ear "Can we talk privately?" he stood and we walked across the room.

"If we won what do I do now?! What do I do? I have no home, what do I do? Where do I go what's my purpose here?" I spoke quickly "Who will have me? What if I am forced to leave where do I go? What do I do now Gandalf?" he put his hand on my shoulder gently; I surprised myself by not flinching.

"There is still much to be done, I do not think you will have troubles finding your purpose or path. Nor will you be forced to leave." His eyes glint then "but I feel you will not reside here long instead find yourself in the Mirkwood realm." My face flushed at that. Mirkwood?! Legolas's home. Why would I go there?

Before I could reply he walked away leaving me there in my thoughts. I stood there, thinking of what he could have meant. I remember Legolas talking of giant spiders plaguing the land before, but could I even really help with that?

"Hurry! It's Mister Frodo he's, he's waking up!" I heard Sam say with excitement, running around the table I was just sitting at. Aragorn was there now, his was hunched over Gimli and Legolas in what looked to be an intense conversation of whispers. Everyone rushed to their feet without a word and followed Sam. I stood still where I was, contemplating if I was welcome to join before following closely behind the pack.

"Pin your lugs back didn't you hear him!" Gimli said to the air, running faster than Sam himself.

Legolas had a slower pace than the others did, not quite walking beside me but lagging behind enough he did not need to turn his head to glance at me. I knew he was concerned how I would react. He probably wanted to stay close in order to immobilize me if I had another episode.

Sam stood at the door to the chamber letting everyone file in before him.

"Gandalf?" I heard Frodo say from within the room.

Merry and Pippin couldn't hold in their excitement and ran through the door, shoving everyone who stood there aside. They jumped on top of Frodo's bed much like they had mine, embracing him "Frodo!" I flinched remembering their scared and concerned faces. The way I had to be held down as I thrashed.

"Gimli!"

"Aragorn!"

Legolas now had his hand on my back, and was looking down at me, I urged my feet forward, not wanting to make a scene or have him continuing to care or look at me with pity. I walked in next followed by Legolas.

Frodo's eyes met mine and he smiled recognizing me, he did not say my name like he did the others. I realized he didn't know it; I never introduced myself in Mordor, and only knew theirs from the stories and descriptions from the other hobbits. Since he had been asleep this whole time he hadn't had time to learn it. He nodded towards me in acknowledgement. I felt eased, he didn't hate me, he didn't think I was Dúrrís. Did he see what I had done? Did the path he take shove him the corpses entangled in vines? He had no injuries I could see except his hand was wrapped and bandaged tightly.

"Legolas!"

Sam entered last; Frodo didn't call out his name in excitement either. They exchanged knowing looks, the ones you can only give or receive going through a deep trauma together.

"I'll say the greatest of all hobbits in the Shire!"

"Tell him about the Witch King Merry!"

Legolas had grabbed my hand in his, and began rubbing circles with his thumb. It was calming and grounding, I hadn't even realized I was crying. My face was wet with tears. The room was full of laughter and teasing, Frodo's face was jubilant and bright. He threw his head back in laughter at Pippin and Merry's stories and constant interruptions of each other.

I looked down at our hands; I was holding his tightly as he caressed my skin with his calloused thumb. I'm so disgusted with myself. He's bonded! He's comforting me and I have unclean feelings for him. I tore my hand out of his, he looked at me questioningly but I didn't meet his gaze. I couldn't.

Frodo began recounting his journey with Sam, the fog of the dead marshes, the creature Gollum who was their guide, getting stung by Shelob at the pass of Cirith Ungol.

"And then as we were panicking about what to do, this tall woman ran in," he gestured to me smiling "she wasn't carrying any weapons and wore fine black robes of royalty and had a crown of thorns on her brow. Blood had trailed down her face and neck; she looked threatening and fierce without weapons. Her eyes Held only anger"

I reached for Legolas's hand, chastising myself for needing his comfort.

"We did not think we could trust her but had no choice. She led us deeper into Mordor, she did not hold fear like Sam and I, she was fearless and confident. "

I was squeezing his hand for dear life. My mind clouded with memories I wanted to forget.

"We thought we were goners! Then Verity shoved me 'Nobody pushes me, you filthy maggot!' "Sam was talking now. Though it felt faraway hard to hear.

I laughed weakly remembering his terrible comeback. "Then you shoved me back and called me a terrible slug." I said speaking for the first time at Frodo's bedside.

He laughed and Frodo continued his tale, their escape through my distraction, the rest of their journey up to Mount Doom. Recounting the terrible creature Gollum, who fell into the deep pit of molten rock with the ring.

The war stories from all parties were exchanged, Gimli and Legolas bickered about who had a higher kill count. Pippin recounted the winged Nazgûl capturing me, and how he thought he'd never see me alive again. "How did you do it Milady? How did you escape?"

Merry hit his arm hard "Pippin!" Pippin looked sheepishly at me in apology, but I willed myself to talk of it. I didn't want to carry the burden alone anymore. I wanted to be able to smile and laugh talking of such awful things as they seemed to do with ease.

"The Nazgûl took me to the black tower, there was a man there to bring me to Sauron he…" I tried off my voice cracking, Legolas squeezed my hand. "He hurt me; I grew vines at my feet holding me still I thought if I entered the tower I'd never leave. Sauron came out and killed the man, I knew if I didn't go with him more blood would be shed at my fault-"

"Nothing that happened was your fault!" Aragorn said with meaning interrupting me.

I told them of Sauron's want to use me to build a new Middle Earth. The torture. "You were all dead. I saw you all dead, each time it got more and more grotesque. I watched you all die over and over again."

I whispered. The room was silent. I told them of my failed attempts to escape and my thoughts of suicide standing on the balcony. Legolas no longer held my hand instead his whole body was tense, he clenched his fists at his side. "He changed his tactic and tried to woo me into submission soon after, he brought me elaborate meals and fine clothing…" I tugged at the end of my tunic pulling it down as I spoke. "Every day he would come in and confuse me more, tell me he was being longsuffering and patient with me… then one day he brought me a crown of thorns 'Don't you see the great lengths I go to care for you?'" I was shaking as tears streamed from my eyes puddling the floor.

"I argued with him and then he…" I choked "we don't have to hear it all now." Legolas said gently at my side. I shook my head wanting to be rid of it, and continued on.

"I was shackled to a wall; I hung there until I had lost all feeling in my hands. I tried desperately to grow vines to break my bonds but they were all the same sickly ash as before. I focused on the memories I had that were good, pulling strength from them" I left out what the memories were or who they involved. "My vines rose from the ground and broke the shackles then they bent the metal of the cell allowing me passage through. Then I ran for hours and happened upon Frodo and Sam you know the rest. "

I left out killing so many with my vines. I left out how I watched the life fade from their eyes as the gasped, or how I had relished it. Nobody urged me to continue, a heavy silence followed after I spoke. All knowing what I had not said, they had all seen the corpses in the battle field I'm sure. They all knew I had become a monster. Gandalf broke the silence "we will leave you to rest now master hobbit." With that everyone exited the room, saving us from the awkwardness. I don't remember who had led me to my room, maybe it was Sam? I paced the room long into the evening and past the setting sun. A healer had come in at some point and told me, I could be moved to a room outside the healing halls tomorrow, that my wounds were fine. I was embarrassed I had cried so much in front of them all, did they think of me as a monster? Beguiled by the dark lord? An enchantress of evil? Legolas did not so much as look at me after he let go of my hand. Was he disgusted with me? A soft knock brought me out of my thoughts. I froze in my step not responding to it. It slowly opened with a creak and Legolas stepped in, wearing a thin tunic and leggings. His hair was out of his braids, the small waves surrounding his face made him look softer, somehow less intense. I stood in the middle of the room staring at him in confusion. Without a word he took slow steps towards me and grabbed my hand with both of his and led me to the bed. He sat down much like he had the night before with his back resting against the headboard and his legs outstretched. He looked different now though, the tunic he wore was much thinner, I could see the shadows of his form underneath.

I hesitantly laid on the bed next to him, hating myself for joining him. He reached out to grab my hand, and I yanked it away, holding it to my chest. He frowned, his eyes shown sadness.

I sat up staring at his relaxed figure. I need to tell him how I feel. I need to tell him so he understands he cannot be there for me anymore. I cannot have these feelings for someone who is committed towards another. Maybe with time they'll fade away. I cleared my throat. "I did not tell the whole story of the black tower." I said he again reached for my hand to comfort me and I pulled away leaving him to rub nervous circles on the blanket. "I know Meleth nin" [my beloved] he said quietly his voice pained.

"The memories that gave me the strength to escape were of you. The more I thought of you it was as if your fëa surrounded me protecting me and comforting me." I looked at him gauging his reaction, his face was unreadable, I continued. "I was a monster I killed with malice and relished the sight of the orcs and men I fell. My only thought was to get back to you. I-"I choked back a sob. "I thought I'd never feel again. I thought I'd been lost to the darkness. When Sauron tortured me with visions I saw your death the most, once you called out to me before getting sliced by arrows" He wrapped his arms around me pulling me to his chest and I didn't fight him. I sobbed into his chest gripping the fabric of his tunic.

"Don't you see?! I cannot accept your chivalry or your kindness." I whimpered against his chest. I pushed him away struggling against his grip. When I looked up at him I saw his eyes were pained and wet with forming tears. "My feelings for you are unclean. I cannot allow you to continue to be in my company even now my thoughts wander- you have been nothing but kind towards me but I- I love you. I love you more than I should; I love you not as a brother- "I looked away from him not wanting to see his face. "I would not want your bonded to be hurt- or you by my feelings, I ca-"

I gasped as he lifted my chin with his thumb and captured my lips with his; he kissed me with longing and passion, pressing his lips against mine hungrily. I froze not returning his affection at first. Then soon I melted into the kiss. He smiled into the kiss laying me down on the bed gently, never breaking the kiss, as his body rest atop me his arms supporting his weight. He licked and nipped at my bottom lip with his teeth, causing me to moan and squirm pressing my body against his, tightening my grip on the front of his tunic. When he pulled away I was flushed and breathless. He looked down at me with a wide smile on his face, his eyes darkened with hunger. I felt every part of our body that was touching, heat coursed through me, settling low in my stomach.

He reached a hand to caress my cheek, I didn't flinch at his touch, I leaned into it. "You are my bonded." He said softly his voice full of emotion. I looked up at him registering what he said. I'm his bonded? He returns my affection? He loves me?

He climbed off of me and returned to his previous spot leaning against the headboard. "Rest now Lóth

nin I will guard you sleep."[My flower] I crawled under the blankets my heart full and quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.