Sometimes Rushii doesn't talk much, despite essentially living inside of Lucy's mind.
It's been a week since their initial meeting, where Lucy found out that her future-self had come to the past to stop something scary and dangerous from happening. There was something that stopped her from saying more, that was what Lucy was able to figure out when she saw how Rushii would get unnaturally choked up when she attempted to speak sometimes. Lucy hoped that one day she'll be able to talk freely, and she could tell all of her stories to her.
It's hard to imagine a future beyond these cold walls of the Heartfilia Manor.
But ever since Rushii came back and talked with her, Lucy catches a glimpse of what it could be like.
'Rushii?'
Silence.
Ah, she's probably sleeping then. She said that in the gate she had entered to get here, it required an large amount of energy which often left her tired more than not. Lucy wondered how a voice in her head could get tired, but anything goes she supposed. Rushii had already proven many times that she's definitely future her anyways, although she was so much older.
Like, she was almost twenty years old! So cool!
It was like she was talking to her big sister. Lucy bit back a small smile at the thought of having an older sibling. She's been an only child all her life, and she's sure that Rushii was too. She'll have to ask her if it was okay to call her Nee-san, but from the aura that Rushii gives off, she doubts she'll have any trouble.
Rushii said that she was going to teach her some small lessons, really soon, once she felt better. Lucy was excited. She had always wanted to learn more about Celestial Spirit Magic, but her Mama was too weak to properly teach her examples, to her secret dismay. She never failed to tell her stories of her keys though, the ones that are in her possession secretly as one of her dying wishes.
She had loved them.
"Don't tell your father, it's a secret between us Celestial Mages." Lucy remembered her mother saying hoarsely with a soft wink as she told her to reach into the nightstand that was next to her. Lucy had excitedly ran over to take a peak, only to see two golden keys staring in front of her that seemed to have shone extra brightly at the time.
Lucy currently looked down at the keys in front of her now.
Gate of the Giant Crab Key, Cancer.
Gate of the Water Bearer Key, Aquarius.
She smiled sadly at them and held them close to her chest. Lucy really wanted to talk to them, like her mother said she used to before she got too weak. She was determined to care for them, to love them, because all Celestial Spirits were more than puppets to be used in battle! She promised her Mama that she would.
Maybe she'll ask Rushii if it'll be okay to summon one, if she gets little bit stronger.
She slips the two keys into her key pouch and played it on her belt strap before heading outside of her room to head towards her father's office.
Dark shadows littered the hallway as a punishing gloominess settles in the air, as the silence screamed. Lucy gulped nervously as she slowly made her way down the hallway, passing the little servants they had left as they performed their duties. Such a big house, for such little occupants. She hoped in the future she doesn't get such a big house if it's just her, all of that space only to be filled with loneliness.
An older butler noticed her expression and looked at the direction she was looking at before letting out a tired sigh of his own once he understood Lucy's intention. He's already met with the Head Master of this house, and the sight that awaited Lucy was a sight she shouldn't see, he feared. He walked over,
"Young Miss." He rasped kindly.
Lucy flinched and looked over to the butler, round eyes staring at him in surprise and shock. The servants don't really talk to her much, they never did. They only interacted with her when it came to dinner time or bath time. Unbeknownst to her, it was due to her father's instruction that the servants stayed away from his family and only performed their duties.
Michael, the older butler, knew that he had agreed to Master Jude's words all of those years ago. But to see him fall into such a state and collapse inside of himself, filled to the brim with grief, it was hard to watch. It was harder to watch how he ignored the existence of the little girl he had swore he loved, however.
Judgement had to be called in a time like this, and Michael's judgement deemed it necessary to take matters into his own hands despite his age. He could easily be her grandfather, but it won't stop him from taking a more active roll in taking care of Lucy if her own father wouldn't.
"Y-Yes?"
"Your Father right now…it's probably not a good time to talk to him. He's been very occupied with business proposals for the past several days."
Lucy's eyes saddened as she stopped walked and turned to look at the door to her father's office. It was cracked open, as if it was inviting her to come in and at least try. To give him a chance to see that everything wasn't lost after Mama's death. That she was still here too and that they could be sad together.
"I…just wanted to see my dad."
Michael's heart broke at the sound of her words and the sadness that exuded from her. Her mother's death and her father's absence. To have wealth and to have a home yet feel like an orphan is a cruel feeling, especially when one's blood was right next door.
"Then go, young miss. Try your hardest to get through to him, before he spirals completely."
Michael took a step back and gestured towards the door to Jude Heartfilia's office.
"Have courage, and I shall await here for the results."
Lucy's eyes widened in shock. "Really? You'll-You'll stay, for me?"
"I promise ."
Lucy sucked in a small breath and looked down at her keys. She knew how important promises were, she's made one herself. She looked Michael in the eye with a determination that was rare in a nine-year-old.
"I'll return! So-So make sure you really stay, okay? You promised!" Lucy nodded and Michael looked at the small girl with faint amusement. Why was she talking as if she was going off to war? He amused her nonetheless,
"Yes ma'am." He even threw a small salute and his head filled with fondness as Lucy let out a small giggle, feeling in higher spirits before confronting her father.
-L-H-
It didn't go well.
It went rather horribly, if Lucy was being honest.
Her father didn't even say a word to her initially, didn't even look her way as she tried to get his attention. It was a timid try at first, her father sat at his desk with an ominous lighting that made her a bit nervous to even say anything. She sucked in a deep breath though and thought about Rushii and the butler that put their faith in her to talk with her father.
That was the first time someone that wasn't her parents believed in her, even though Rushii was skeptical.
She didn't have friends.
She'd like to think she's made a big sister and a friend now.
She'll have to ask for his name, when she goes back.
Lucy tried her very best but it was if she was pleading to a wall. She couldn't help but let some tears fall as she tried to speak with her father, why did she had to plead for fatherly love? She was trying.
"I'm busy, child. Exit where you came."
Lucy froze at the first words that her father spoke to her. He had told her to leave. He didn't even call her by her name . Lucy's eyes leaked profusely now, the sadness leaving her heavy and a bit broken. She didn't let herself make a sound though, she just stood through the silent tears as she watched as her father didn't even look up to see her, not even once.
An odd feeling of maturity soon begin to take place inside of her, despite the tears not stopping. Lucy just looked on for another moment before turning around to quietly exit as she came, just as her father instructed. It didn't stop her from saying one last thing as she looked over her shoulder, at the man that sat mindlessly in the big chair.
"Rest in Peace, Daddy."
Lucy closed the door to his office and looked at the nice, old butler that really had waited for her.
Somehow, it was easier to smile a bit.
"How..did it go?" He asked hesitantly and Lucy just shrugged as she sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. She really didn't know what to say. Rushii had been right all along.
"What's your name?" She asked instead. Michael was a bit confused and surprised at the sudden topic change, but decided that Lucy must've not wanted to talk about it.
"Michael, young miss."
" Michael ." Lucy breathed out and wiped the rest of her tears away. She walked up and stood right before him, causing him to looked down with a quirked brow, before she wrapped her arms around one of his legs as a hug.
"Thanks for staying, Michael." Lucy whispered shyly before letting go of his hand and waving at him. "Gonna go back to my room now. You-You can come by and say hi, okay? Bye!"
She was gone in a split second as Michael blinked rapidly to process what just happened. When he finally did, he let out small pained smile for the Heartfilia child. And let out a scowl at the office door of the other.
'Jude, you truly do not know what you've done.'
-L-H-
"Lucy…?"
"Rushii!" Lucy gasped out in small glee as she heard her voice inside of her head. She's been sleeping for two days and she finally woke up! Lucy paused the book she was reading on her bed and sat up, eager to chat.
"How are you?!"
"Feeling a little bit better. It maybe a slow process, I fear, but nothing but time will say."
"That's good to hear, Nee-san!"
Rushii was taken aback at the term of endearment since Lucy felt her body pulse with a rush of emotions of surprise, happiness, and confusion. Lucy bit back a small smile at the feeling and eagerly awaited her reaction.
"Nee-san…"
Lucy felt herself get shy as she bashfully looked down. "Well it feels like you're a big sister, you know? You seem super smart and strong, and you keep me coming with nice talks whenever you're awake. I don't feel as lonely anymore, now that you're here."
Rushii was speechless. She remembered her own feelings of loneliness, that traveled beyond the absence of her parents. She was homeschooled all of her life, the first time she truly did something on her own was when she decided to run away from the Heartfilia Manor and start her new life abruptly on her own.
She had always wished for a sibling, though.
It seems their wish can finally come true.
"I-I'd love that.''
Lucy let out a bigger smile and let out a small squeal. She has a big sister now! She has a sibling!
"How did the meeting with Father go? Did you do it while I was sleep?"
Immediately, her happiness faded a bit at the reminder of her confrontation with Jude. Lucy couldn't stop the sadness that filled her at the thought, and she heard Rushii make a small noise of alarm but remained silent for a moment.
"It was bad, Nee-san," Lucy sniffed. "You were right."
Rushii felt a swell of anger inside of her as she gritted her teeth at the confirmation of a small fear she had. Perhaps this timeline could be different, she had secretly hoped. Perhaps Lucy would have a chance to have a father after all.
It seems some things will never change in any lifetime. How cruel.
" I didn't want to be right, this time." Rushii said expressionless, feeling rather blank at the news. She could feel the sadness from Lucy, though. Why was she trying to hold back in her sorrows? Why wasn't she allowing herself to cry?
"It's alright to cry, to feel sad, when it calls for it."
"I've done nothing but cry for what feels like forever!" Lucy cried out despite feeling another onslaught of tears coming. She had to hold it in, she had to be strong. Like Rushii. Rushii holds back her sadness and feelings, so she should too.
"No." Rushii said harshly, causing Lucy to flinch in the real-world. "Don't go down that path."
She could feel Lucy's intentions as they were rather powerful. Holding in her pain, in order to be strong? Perhaps she thought that once, when she was younger. The truth was radically different, in fact, Lucy must know.
"I-I just want to be strong. " Lucy confessed softly.
Rushii was silent for a moment, as Lucy softly cried once more.
"You've been through so much these past two weeks, don't forget that. Our mother passed, and father had been drifting away longer before then, when Mother was approaching the last stages of life. You must give yourself time to heal, Lucy. And if healing means that you cry your heart out when you're sad, then so be it. These tears aren't because you are weak , it's because you cared and you mourn for those you have loved." She began softly.
"To be honest with you, I'm not that strong to begin with if you were to ask me, Lucy. Yet measuring strength could also be considered to be a value that each person thinks of different. To some, having the ability to cry and let everything go, is strength. To others, knowing when to stop crying and to begin the process of picking up the pieces is strength."
Rushii let out a long sigh. "As sit and begin to use this time as a manner of reflection of what I've been through in my life, I'm beginning to realize that different scenarios call for different strengths. Sometimes, you must push the tears aside and stand your ground."
"But this is not one of those times, Lucy." Rushii finished strongly. "So allow yourself, to heal, imouto. Allow yourself to cry."
Lucy finally lets go, letting the tears flow as she gives everything to cry. She cries for it all, for everything that's been feeling hard lately, to her mother's death, to her father's metaphorical death too. All of it, it dives down into this moment.
"It won't go away tomorrow, these feelings. But perhaps it'll feel a little bit easier to breathe."
"Make sure you begin to heal too, Nee-san." Lucy sobbed softly.
She cries for her sister, who has gone back in time because of how badly things must be in the future, and she wonders if her Nee-san ever had time to heal herself. Considering the sound of a harshly sucked in breath and the sudden raging storm of complex emotions that pulsed inside of her at her own words, Lucy didn't think so.
Rushii was silent for the rest of the day, and Lucy was too as she allowed herself to feel.
Maybe, tomorrow would be better.
A little bit easier.