Thank you for joining me for the eighth fic in the Rachel Snow series. I update every Saturday.
Content Notes: Character death. Aftermath of war (graphic). Potentially disturbing imagery. Anxiety. PTSD. Past child abuse and neglect (discussed), past sexual abuse (discussed), past torture (discussed). If you have any concerns, please feel free to comment/message me and I will provide more in-depth content notes on any subject.
Rachel woke late on the last Monday in June. Her sleep schedule was still very confused after the past week. A lot of things were very confused over the past week, but she supposed that was only to be expected. A lot had happened. She laid in bed and looked out at the sky from her window. From this angle she couldn't see the tips of the trees, just the blue summer sky with wispy white clouds slowly making their way across.
She didn't know what to do with herself. Part of it might just be the oddity of having nothing to do. She had no summer homework assignments. She had no projects that she was currently working on. She'd purposely finished all of her tasks so that she could be prepared to die. In a month she'd join the Wizengamot, but she needed other people to help her prepare for that. Somehow she didn't think she'd find a book at Flourish and Blotts titled 'What You Need to Know As a Member of the Government' or 'The Wizengamot and You: Twenty Easy Tips for Governing the Nation'.
There wasn't anything she could do to prepare for her Mastery until her NEWT scores arrived. She was dreading that just a little. When she thought about the exams, she thought she'd done reasonably well, but it was hard to know for sure. She remembered studying for them, but given how much she'd been focused on the war these past two years, she wasn't sure how much information she'd actually taken in.
She still needed to make a decision as to whether or not she was trying out for a Quidditch team. That could wait a little longer. She didn't feel prepared to make any decisions about her life at the moment.
Feeling anxiety build in her body, Rachel exhaled and tried to relax where her muscles had tensed up. Whenever she thought about the future, the war came creeping back into her mind, along with the thought that she was supposed to be dead. She'd expected to be dead. She hadn't planned on having to make these kinds of decisions. It felt like something had been taken away from her, however irrational that was. She'd made the decision to come back, and she had to live with that, quite literally.
Knowing that she was only going to make herself more anxious if she stayed here thinking, Rachel got out of bed and went to her wardrobe to get dressed. She'd shower later in the day, after she'd gone flying. She took a moment to attempt to tame her hair and then went downstairs. Severus was in his armchair, a book on his lap and some pieces of parchment from where he'd been working on something. They'd finished unpacking on Sunday and they were now settled here, for better or for worse. It still felt strange that neither of them would return to Hogwarts.
"Are you sleeping well?" Severus asked as he looked up.
Rachel sat on the sofa. "Not really."
"I have two more doses of the modified Dreamless Sleep potion for you to have, and I can brew another cauldron."
"I can do it." At the very least she could brew the potion that she had invented. She wasn't sure how long she wanted to keep taking the potion now that she wasn't dealing with nighttime interruptions from the Dark Lord, but she figured she could until the nightmares weren't quite as present. If she ever reached that point.
"If you'd like," he agreed. "How are you?"
Rachel knew that her anxiety must be obvious if he was asking that question. "Managing. Kind of. Anxious. I thought things would be better after the war. I thought I would feel relieved." She'd thought she'd be dead.
"I think it's too soon for that. The people who are feeling relieved right now, or who are celebrating, are those who didn't play a role in the war. I am not feeling relieved yet either."
She looked at him, trying to intuit what he was feeling. He looked stressed as well, with small lines around his mouth and eyes. "What are you feeling?"
Severus looked away for a moment as if he needed to check in order to find out the answer. "A small sense of unreality. My mind has not yet accepted that those who are dead are truly gone. More shock than grief, at the moment. I have not yet recovered from believing that you were dead."
Rachel felt her stomach turn with guilt. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not seeking an apology. I do not blame you. What happened was a severe shock and a week is not enough time to have processed that yet. It will take time. For now, having you here and being able to see for myself that you are well helps."
Torey had told her that spending time with Severus would help; it seemed as though she was right. Torey usually was about that sort of thing. "I feel like the war isn't over yet," she found herself saying.
"Rachel, you just spent the past four years under an enormous amount of stress where your life was being threatened on a regular basis. You will reach a new equilibrium, but that will take time. Give yourself time," he said, his gaze resting on her.
"That sounds like what Torey would say. You could have been a Mind Healer."
The corners of Severus' mouth twitched as he let out a short laugh. "No one in their right mind would want me as a Mind Healer."
"No one in their right mind needs to go see a Mind Healer," she pointed out.
"Even so, I will stick to brewing and inventing potions," he said, not without humor.
Rachel thought that was probably for the best, since that's what it seemed like he enjoyed doing. Maybe leaving his teaching position would actually be good for him. She sighed and laid down on the sofa. "I wish I could stick my brain in a vat."
Severus laughed again. "Where on earth did that come from? Is it some type of muggle saying?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I just…I don't know where I heard it. I just want to not think for a while. I feel like my brain is just churning on things over and over. I keep trying to reach out to check on the Dark Lord and it's like missing a step while climbing a staircase."
He was quiet for a moment. "Give it time. You will get used to the Dark Lord not being there and the need to check will fade with time and the assurance that he is gone. We've just had a very abrupt change and it's going to take time to adjust to that. You have Torey to talk with, but I'm here as well. Is there something in particular that keeps coming to mind?"
"Just the feeling that the war isn't done. That something bad is about to happen."
"That's understandable. A lot of bad things have happened and it makes sense that you'd be trying to anticipate what will happen next. We are safe here at home. Everything else will come with time."
Rachel thought that 'give it time' was a frustrating answer, even though she knew there was an element of truth to it. She'd rather just skip the time part and go straight to being alright. She wasn't even sure she knew what being alright felt like anymore.
"Will you eat breakfast? Would you like me to cook something for you?" Severus asked.
"I can do it," she said, knowing that her food schedule had been off this past week as well. She needed to make herself eat, otherwise she wouldn't do it, and she wasn't going to allow herself to get sick again. She sat back up and looked at Severus. "I just feel like I need something to do."
"Taking a break is good, but you can also be brainstorming about the focus of your Mastery and other potions you'd like to modify or invent," he suggested.
"Maybe," Rachel said as she stood. She wasn't sure she was ready to do that yet. "I'm going to go flying after breakfast."
"That's fine," Severus said, returning to his book and notes.
She watched him for a moment and then went into the kitchen. A quick glance at the Daily Prophet told her that there was more war reporting and more obituaries. She prepared herself some eggs and toast and then sat down to read. She still felt it was important to read all of the obituaries. Someone had to.
On Tuesday Rachel made it to breakfast on time, though that was only because she'd been awake for several hours after a nightmare. The nightmare had been fairly straightforward, all things considered. She'd arrived too late to the battle at Hogwarts and found Severus and her friends already dead. In her dream, she'd allowed the Dark Lord to kill her again and had woken feeling the pain of her soul tearing away from her body.
Rachel had pulled out the pocket watch she'd been given for her birthday last year and checked that all the hands had pointed to 'home'. It was comforting to be able to see that, and while she'd really only used it during the school year to check that Sirius and Remus were alright, she looked at everyone's hands just to be sure. All of their hands had pointed to 'mortal peril' more than once during the past year. Rachel wondered if there was a way to make the watch chime when that happened, or heat up maybe. Hopefully they were now past the point when any of them would be in mortal peril. Wasn't that the whole point of ending the war?
She'd stayed up for the remainder of the night, wrote some things down in her journal just to try to get them out of her head, and then went to shower when she heard Severus going downstairs. Showered and dressed she arrived at the kitchen table to find Severus looking over the newspaper with a steady frown.
"More about me?" she asked, craning her head to look at the front page and catching the words 'Girl-Who-Lived'.
"Just ceaseless speculation. They do not know anything more than they did a week ago," Severus said.
"I wish they would stop," she said, moving to get herself breakfast.
"We should talk about that."
"We should?" she asked as she peered into the fridge. She didn't feel like eggs today. Then again, she didn't feel like eating much of anything. They had some porridge, which at least didn't sound stomach turning.
"Now, more than ever, you are a public figure. They are not going to stop."
Rachel put a pot on the stove and measured out what she needed. "They have to stop eventually. They're going to get bored talking about me killing the Dark Lord all the time."
"They will talk about that for a long time to come. Part of it is because of who you were even before you killed him. Part of it is because our story of you killing the Dark Lord does not make sense. You will be known for this for the rest of your life," he said, turning to look at her.
"I know. I mean, I kind of figured that part wasn't going away. And what do you mean that it doesn't make sense? It makes sense to me." She used her wand to cook the porridge, moving it in a slow stirring motion while she urged the water to a boil.
"It makes sense to you because you know the prophecy and about your connection and horcrux. Without that information, they simply know that you left the school, died, came back to life, and then killed the Dark Lord with no impetus. That makes no sense whatsoever."
"Well, they know about my mom's sacrifice, and that's how I came back. I saw that reported in the paper," she pointed out.
"Which also makes no sense without knowing that the Dark Lord was carrying your blood, that you were linked back to this world through him, and that your own sacrifice fed into the power of Lily's sacrifice. Fortunately the only people who know such things have not yet seen fit to publish information about sacrificial and blood magic. And it does not seem that anyone is aware of your connection or the prophecy and I would like to keep it that way."
"I would like to keep it that way too. I guess people are just going to have to wonder, because there are only a few people who I'm planning on giving the full story to and I trust them," Rachel said, feeling a small bout of nerves as she finished cooking her porridge. That was actually her next stop - she was going to talk with Sirius and Remus today. She served herself and went to the table.
"The full story?" he asked, looking worried.
"Not the horcruxes, not by name at least. I'm leaving it at dark ritual magic that was keeping the Dark Lord alive," she said, which she figured was accurate enough without giving anyone enough information to research it further, even if they were so inclined.
Severus nodded. "Black and Lupin, I presume. And your friends. Anyone else?"
"Just them. No one else needs to know, as far as I'm concerned."
"It is possible that some people may pressure you to know more. The Minister, for example, or the MLE. Reporters will most certainly try to get you to say more," he cautioned.
"I have no intention of talking to reporters. The Minister seemed satisfied with what Professor Dumbledore told him. If he has more questions, he can speak to Professor Dumbledore again." As far as she was concerned, the horcruxes and blood magic and sacrifices were subjects that didn't need further discussion. No one should evade death the way she and the Dark Lord had.
"I suspect they have ways to allow the Wizengamot to move through the Ministry unaccosted by the press. However, speaking with the Minister or Madam Bones may be a more difficult matter. Telling them that you don't fully understand the magic at work and directing them to speak to Albus may be a viable option, but we also cannot control what Albus will say to them."
Rachel looked at him skeptically. "You don't think he'd tell them about the horcruxes? Not if he hasn't already?"
"Not about the horcruxes, but both of them know about the prophecy and your role in it. They kept it out of the newspapers during the war because of its impact on the war. I doubt Madam Bones would reveal it now, but I do not know Scrimgeour well enough to predict what he will do. I think it's likely he will wish to use you," Severus said, his gaze fixed on her.
"Use me?" She wasn't even sure what that would look like.
"If the Minister has your favor, then he is set up in the Minister's role for as long as he likes. Rachel, right now you could ask for just about anything and receive it."
"He wants to give me an Order of Merlin."
"That's not surprising in the slightest. Him awarding you the Order of Merlin will make for excellent press for both of you and for the Ministry. All I ask is that you use caution. Think before you speak. Do not give away things freely, even if you do not see the harm in them. Tell people you need more information before you can agree to something and then get advice. You will have someone in the Wizengamot Administrative Services to advise you, I have no doubt, and you will in time discover people you can rely on for advice in regards to government matters. For now, I will advise you the best I can. It may make sense for you to make friends with Madam Bones as in the time that I've known her, she seems to be a forthright and capable person."
Rachel sighed. "They sure don't prepare us for this at Hogwarts."
"You are in somewhat of a unique situation and I will ensure you are as prepared as possible. Try not to worry about it too much right now. I just want you to be aware both of how much power you have and how vulnerable you are," he said, nodding once.
She was keenly aware of how vulnerable she was. Power, on the other hand, she wasn't even sure how to go about figuring out.
"When were you planning to speak with Black and Lupin?" he asked.
"Today, actually. Unless you needed me here for something?" She couldn't imagine what he would need her here for that couldn't wait.
"That's fine, I just wished to speak to you about this as well before you speak with them. Do you wish to eat before we speak?" His eyes strayed to her untouched bowl.
"I can eat and talk at the same time," she said, picking up her spoon. "I'm not sure why this needs talking about, unless you don't want me to do it. I mean, I understand not telling people about the horcruxes at all, and I agree with that, but they're important to me and I feel like they should understand why I died and what happened."
Severus shook his head. "I'm not asking you not to tell them. I want to warn you that they may have a similar reaction to hearing of Albus' betrayal as I did, your godfather in particular. He was never happy that you were subject to this prophecy and wished to take you from Britain as soon as he'd learned of it. I wish I had listened to him."
Rachel frowned down at her porridge. She didn't think that what Professor Dumbledore did was a betrayal, but if everyone else was reacting this way, maybe she was wrong? "Is it okay to feel how I feel about Professor Dumbledore?"
"Yes, of course. I am not trying to change how you feel. When it comes to Albus, I want you to use caution in your dealings with him because we know from experience he will not put your best interests first. We know for a fact that he is willing to use you. For Albus, it will always be about his plans."
"His plans for what though? What would he want now? Wasn't his goal just to win the war?" She couldn't even begin to guess what Professor Dumbledore could want from her. Hadn't she done what he'd asked?
"I have no earthly idea of what he wants now, but it will always be something. I rather suspect he will wish you to lead his faction in the Wizengamot when he's gone, if he ever decides to die. I pray it doesn't come to that," Severus said, looking as though he'd just thought of something very concerning. "Regardless, anticipate that your godfather may react to the news poorly. I know he was hurt by your death as well."
"I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. I was trying to save everyone's lives." She hated that she'd hurt people, but she wasn't sure what else she could have done.
"I know. Sometimes people are hurt even when we are acting with the best of intentions. I do not blame you, Rachel. I don't believe Black will blame you either. Just go into this knowing that was painful for him and perhaps be somewhat delicate in speaking with him about it."
She would try to do that. And if they blamed Professor Dumbledore, well, she wasn't sure what she could do about that either. Telling people that she didn't blame Professor Dumbledore didn't seem to help.
"Eat your breakfast. Is your plan to have a meal with your godfather?" he asked.
Rachel refrained from reminding him that she was too old to be instructed to eat and began eating. "I'm not sure. I'm planning on going over before lunch, so I might have lunch with them depending on how things go. I'll be back for dinner for sure."
"Just let me know when you're leaving and send a Patronus message once you're safely in the house so I know that you got there."
"I can do that." That was a good reminder. She needed to go back to practicing the Patronus charm until it came easily to her again.
"To Severus Snape. I'm safely in Sirius' house. I'll be home for dinner at the latest," Rachel told her Patronus. It had taken her nearly two minutes to cast it successfully and she was a little frustrated by that. Hopefully she'd gain better control over her emotional state sometime in the near future. In the meantime, she'd practice.
She went into the kitchen and found Sirius and Remus with cups of tea. She'd told them to expect her this morning before lunch.
"There you are," Sirius said, taking her in with a glance.
"How are things here?" Rachel asked.
"Busy, but not bad," Remus said. "We've got a full house at the moment. Some families are eager to return to Britain. We're warding the ones who won't wait and we're keeping everyone else for the time being. After the elections and everything has settled down, we'll start sending people home."
"Have there been attacks? I haven't seen anything in the Daily Prophet." She knew for a fact that the Daily Prophet was not a reliable source of information, but she would hope that they'd publicize attacks if there had been some.
"Not yet. Everything has been quiet the last week. We expect they're regrouping and trying to figure out who is still alive and loyal. The MLE should start posting lists of who they're looking for soon. They should have figured out who we have by now," Sirius said. "The MLE is in a bit of dire straits at the moment. They lost a lot of people. We're offering our help with protecting candidates for the Wizengamot while they focus on keeping the current Wizengamot members alive. Robards isn't thrilled about accepting our help, but he knows he needs it."
Rachel nodded. Disrupting the Wizengamot and the elections was probably still the best path forward for the Death Eaters if they wanted any sort of power at all.
"How are you, Rachel?" Remus asked, his gaze steady.
"Working on it," she said, which was true enough. "A lot has happened."
"It has," Sirius agreed. "You told us you wanted to speak to us about what happened. Is that what you want to do today?"
"Yes, if you have time."
"We have time. We'll always make time for you," Remus said. "We should move to somewhere that isn't a thoroughfare. I assume we want privacy for this?"
"That would be a good idea," Rachel agreed, feeling a bit nervous as she remembered Severus' warning as to how they were likely to take this information.
"Let's use the office on the third floor. We shouldn't be disturbed there," Sirius said as he stood.
Rachel followed them up the staircases and into an office that Sirius kept locked. She was a little surprised - she hadn't come across any locked doors in Sirius' house before. There was a heavy desk with scattered pieces of parchment on it, a bookshelf filled with old tomes, a pair of armchairs near a small table with a lamp, and thick curtains that covered most of the window. "What do you use this room for?"
"Wizengamot work and Order stuff, mostly. Things that we need to keep out of the hands and eyes of people. I prefer this to my office at the Wizengamot." Sirius retrieved the chair behind the desk and brought it over to the armchairs. "I try to spend as little time there as possible. I recommend that you do the same."
She thought that was probably sound advice. She sat down in one of the armchairs and shifted until she could see both Sirius and Remus at the same time. "I'm not entirely sure how to do this," she admitted.
"You can tell us whatever you'd like us to know. We don't want to put pressure on you, Merlin knows you've had enough of that as it is," Remus said.
Rachel sat for a moment as she tried to find a good starting place. "You know about my connection to the Dark Lord."
"It's gone, isn't it?" Sirius asked, abruptly looking tense.
"It's gone. I checked the night I killed him, and it's gone now," she assured him. "I try to reach for him and I get nothing at all. I think if he was still alive in any form, even if he was just non-corporeal, I would sense something. I was getting visions from him before he had a body."
Sirius' shoulders relaxed. "Good. Good."
"Your connection plays a role with what happened on Sunday?" Remus asked.
Rachel nodded. "It does. More than I realized at the time. So, with my connection, I could do a number of things. I could receive visions from the Dark Lord, some of which he was in control of and some of which he wasn't. I could sense his emotions and get an idea of what he was doing. I could sense what direction he was in. And I could speak with him in a portion of my mind while I was asleep. As far as I can tell, this mostly worked both ways, where the Dark Lord could do those things as well, though I never got a straight answer as to whether or not he was receiving visions from me."
Remus looked at Sirius and then back to Rachel. "That was how Albus intended to contact You-Know-Who to draw him to battle, he was using you to communicate with You-Know-Who. I assume something went wrong with that plan?"
"He wouldn't come. We tried luring him to one of the chosen battlefields, but he wouldn't come. The plan moved to having him come to Hogwarts in the summer, but he showed up sooner than any of us expected."
Sirius shook his head. "Everyone seemed sure he wouldn't show up until the students had gone home for the summer. I'm not sure what we missed there."
"He wanted to use the students as leverage," Rachel realized out loud. "That's why he didn't wait."
"Leverage in what way?" Remus asked.
"Before Sunday, the Dark Lord could only talk with me in my mind while I was asleep. That morning he spoke to me in my head while I was awake. He was watching through my eyes. He told me that he'd let the students evacuate if I came to him alone and without telling anyone. If I didn't, he'd have the Death Eaters attack the school right then and kill everyone before we could evacuate. He knew that I would come to him."
Sirius and Remus looked at each other again. "You were possessed?" Sirius asked finally.
"No, I still had control over my body and my mind. It was just like having a passenger." After knowing what the diary had done to Ginny, Rachel was relieved she hadn't been possessed. That could have potentially made things much worse. She could easily see that more people would have died. The Dark Lord could have used her to kill Severus.
"So you went to him, because you didn't really have much of a choice," Remus said.
Rachel nodded, relieved that he understood. "I had to save as many people as possible. I snuck out of the castle and went to the Dark Lord. He used the Killing Curse on me. I felt my soul tear away from my body. The Killing Curse is not painless, by the way."
Sirius' mouth twitched. "You're the only person in the world who would know that. That's twice you've survived the Killing Curse."
"Three times. He cast it at me in the graveyard as well and our spells met in mid-air and our wands connected," Rachel corrected.
Remus shook his head. "I would never say that we were lucky in all of this, but I am thankful that you survived. Against all odds, you survived. Do you know how?"
"I'll get to that. The next part is important," she said. This was the part she wanted to tell them about. "When I opened my eyes, I was with my parents."
Sirius sat up straighter. "You were with James and Lily? In an afterlife?"
"I was. And they held me and told me they loved me and that they're proud of me. They've been watching all of us. They're glad that Severus adopted me, and my dad said it's okay if he's my father too. And my dad says he wants both of you to actually live your lives or he's going to kick your ass when you get there."
Remus smiled. "That sounds like James."
Sirius exhaled heavily. "They said they're watching us?"
"Yes. They say they don't watch everything, so I think we still have some privacy," she said.
Sirius shook his head. "It's not like James hasn't seen me starkers before, though Lily might get a shock."
"I'm sure they're not watching us like that." Rachel felt herself flushing.
Remus sighed. "I'm sure they're not. It's nice to know they're checking on us. And they're right. We haven't exactly been living these past seventeen years. Not in the way that we should be."
"Speak for yourself. I'm doing all the living I can manage," Sirius said. "If you were in the afterlife, how did you get back here?"
"That's where things get a little weird," Rachel said, hesitating again. "Do you remember the locket that Kreacher had, that we came for?"
"Yes," Sirius said, Remus nodding.
"The Dark Lord had several things like that. He used a special dark magic on them, and that's what allowed him to stay alive when the Killing Curse reflected back at him nearly seventeen years ago."
"And then Dumbledore destroyed them, so You-Know-Who could die," Sirius said, keeping up with her.
"And the snake, that's why he was focused on killing the snake?" Remus asked.
"Yes. And me."
They stared at her, their expressions twins in horror.
"You-Know-Who used this dark magic on you? When?" Sirius asked.
"When I was a baby, though it wasn't entirely purposeful. As far as we can tell, he prepared the ritual beforehand, and it completed when the Killing Curse struck him. I had to die in order for that dark magic to stop, so the Dark Lord could die," she explained. "That's what the prophecy meant by us dying at each other's hand. We both had to die for the prophecy to be complete."
They sat in silence for what felt like a long time. "How long have you known this?" Remus finally asked.
"Since I died. Mom and dad told me, they showed me the dark magic there and said it was separated from me now. They told me I could either stay with them or I could come back. I decided to come back, since they promised they'd be there waiting for me."
"This dark magic was what let you come back?" Remus asked.
"That, and my mom's sacrificial blood magic, and the Dark Lord using my blood to gain his own body, and then my own sacrificial magic for dying to save the students in the school. It all sort of worked together." Rachel hesitated, wondering if she really wanted to do this. Did they need to know about Professor Dumbledore's role in this?
"So this connection of yours was actually the result of this dark magic?" Sirius asked after a long moment.
Rachel nodded.
"Did Albus know that? He said he was trying to close the connection, but if it was the result of this dark magic being within you, he couldn't have done so," Remus asked.
"Professor Dumbledore knew. He said he'd known since I was finding the other pieces of dark magic for him," she admitted, feeling that she couldn't lie to them.
"Which is how you found Hufflepuff's Cup," Sirius said. "He's known since then? And he didn't tell anyone? Not you? Not Snape?"
"He's probably known since we came for the locket, or thereabouts. He didn't tell us, because I couldn't go into this believing that I might live. It wouldn't have been a sacrifice if I'd done that. And Severus would have taken me from Britain if he'd known."
Sirius stood and walked away, though the small space of the office didn't give him much room to go anywhere. He rested his hand over his mouth and looked out the window.
Rachel looked back at Remus, who looked a little ill.
"He set you up to die, Rachel," Remus said quietly, as if he was testing the words.
"He understood the prophecy. He knew I had to die to stop the Dark Lord. If I hadn't, we'd still be at war."
"Damn the bloody war. We should have taken you from Britain as soon as You-Know-Who returned," Sirius said, not moving from the window.
"That's what Severus says."
"If Sirius and Severus can find it in themselves to agree on anything, it's probably correct," Remus said.
"But the war-"
Sirius shook his head. "I don't care about the war. I care about you. We should have taken all the kids we were responsible for and left. We had plenty of opportunities. All of us suffered needlessly, especially you, and that is Dumbledore's fault." He returned to his chair, though he didn't sit down. "By keeping that information from you, he made the choice for you to die. He made the choice to sacrifice you. That's not a choice anyone should make for anyone else."
"I did make the choice, when I went to the Dark Lord so that the school could evacuate," she pointed out. "I knew I was going to die."
"You made that choice without having complete information," Remus said. "How is Severus handling this?"
"He's angry. He quit his teaching position and the Order," Rachel admitted.
"Damn right he's angry." Sirius looked at Remus. "You and I are going to have to talk about what we're going to do."
Remus nodded. "We will. I think we need to evaluate our next steps. We can't leave entirely, not under the current circumstances, but we can change our associations. We should have the house back to ourselves in the next six months, I would imagine, and we can make a more final decision then."
"You're leaving the Order too?" Rachel asked.
"At the very least," Sirius said, his mouth twisting as he thought. "I'm not putting my trust in a man who led my goddaughter to her death. Beyond that, Dumbledore had no right to ask that of you without giving you all of the information. He has no right to ask that of anyone. How many more people did he lead to their deaths by not giving them everything they needed to know? We lost a lot of people these last two years. As for his faction in the Wizengamot, we'll have to see. Actually, I suspect you'll wind up with your own faction of the Wizengamot in short order."
"I'm not sure I'm ready for that," she said, wanting to say a lot of things, but she wasn't sure how. No one understood that she needed to die. That she would willingly give her life to end the war. That she had willingly given her life to end the war and that she'd do it again. "I still really only have a vague understanding of how the Wizengamot works."
"It's straightforward and it's not. We oversee trials of various kinds, though I suspect you won't be sitting on trials other than full Wizengamot trials for a number of years yet. We vote on various laws and Wizengamot members introduce laws and acts that they'd like to see passed. The first thing up for vote will be an extension of the anti-Death Eater measures, but they'll wait for the new sitting Wizengamot for that. Those measures were supposed to end after the war, but people will be scared enough to renew them until the Death Eater threat is dealt with. After that will be the Death Eater trials, once the MLE is prepared for them. Probably starting in September. It will depend on how many people they captured as to how long those will go on for. It takes a full Wizengamot to sentence someone to life in Azkaban, and that's what they're looking at. After that, we'll probably start seeing muggleborn and muggle protection acts being pushed. We'll have to see the make-up of the new Wizengamot to know if those have any chance of passing."
Rachel nodded. That sounded doable, though she wasn't looking forward to sitting on trials.
"What is it that you want to do with your life, Rachel?" Remus asked. "You have a great deal of opportunities now. Responsibility, yes, but also options for yourself."
"I don't know yet. Is that okay?"
"That's fine. I'm nearly forty and I don't know what I want to do with my life," Sirius said.
"Though I wouldn't recommend waiting quite that long to decide," Remus said, looking fondly at Sirius. "What about Quidditch? Didn't you say you wanted to try out for the Harpies?"
"That's one of the options that I'm looking at, along with a Potions Mastery. I just…I feel like I need a little more time before I make big decisions." She wasn't sure when she was going to be ready to make those decisions.
"Take all the time that you need. Merlin knows you need a break. When was the last time you took a break?" Sirius asked.
"Christmas, kind of," she said. Though Christmas hadn't exactly been a real break.
"Then it's high time that you rested and relaxed and thought about nothing for a bit. Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself," Sirius advised.
"I couldn't agree more. Spend some time on your hobbies and being with your friends. You are always welcome here," Remus said. "Is there anything in particular you would like to do?"
"I don't think so." She was still having trouble wanting to do things. Hopefully that passed with time as well.
"Well, at least stay for lunch with us. We can get some take-away. We should talk about Kreacher, but when you're ready," Sirius said.
Rachel pressed her lips together. "I'm not sure yet, about Kreacher. I would want to pay him. And I can't take him while I'm living with Severus. But if you really think it would be best for him, maybe when I'm living somewhere else. I'd want to talk to him about it first. I won't take him if he doesn't want me to."
"That's reasonable. I think you'll find Kreacher very amenable to living with you and it would be a relief for us if he was somewhere else," Remus said.
"Why?"
Sirius sighed. "He's a difficult reminder for me. He was there for my childhood. I think it would be better for both of us if he wasn't here, I don't think this house is good for him either. It's clear he cares about you, and it would be good for him to be taking care of someone he's attached to. House Elves are supposed to be attached to their masters and mistresses. You thinking of moving out then? What does Snape think about that?"
"I haven't told him yet. My friends and I are thinking of living together," Rachel said. She'd have to tell him eventually, but now was not the right time.
"Well, you'll need wards of course. I think we'd all be more comfortable if you were under the Fidelius charm. The danger to you hasn't passed. Sirius, James, Peter, and I lived together for about a year after we finished at Hogwarts, until James and Lily got married and moved in with each other. It was good for us, a first taste of adulthood. I think it will be good for you too," Remus said.
"You're allowed out in London now, right? Why don't we go together to get take-away? I'll show you the neighborhood," Sirius said.
"I'd like that," Rachel said. She felt safe enough to go out into muggle London. She didn't think she was that recognizable in trousers and a long shirt.
"Let's go take lunch orders then, I'm sure everyone wants to see you," Sirius said. "Can I hug you?"
"Yes," Rachel said, standing and coming over to hug Sirius.
His arms tightened around her. "You don't know how glad I am that you're alive. I couldn't take losing you."
Rachel rested her forehead against his chest. This was why she'd come back, so that she wasn't hurting all of the people here who cared about her. "It's okay. I'm fine now."
Sirius finally released her. "We'll be alright. We'll get there."
She nodded. She thought they would be alright, with some time.
Severus exhaled and looked around the room. It was almost eerily quiet. He was used to the constant noise of Hogwarts and it felt strange to leave it, even though he would have been home for the summer regardless. There was something different about the knowledge that he wasn't going back.
It wasn't just about not going back to Hogwarts or his division from Albus, though that was still new and fresh as well. In some ways he suspected he was having as much trouble with the end of the war as Rachel was.
He remembered this from the last war. The tentative days after where they counted and named the dead. The fear of the Death Eaters who remained. These were the days before mourning and recrimination. That would come with the certainty that the war was over. Severus wasn't sure he could let himself feel grief.
The battle at Hogwarts occasionally drew his thoughts, though that was more frequent in his dreams than his waking thoughts. In his dreams, Rachel did not return. Memories of his work in the infirmary afterward were more frequent. Making the decision to let someone die because they could not continue to treat them while others were dying from lack of care. Looking over the body of a colleague and knowing that he could not save her. He was not a Healer. He had done the best that he could. There were many who had died before he had even gotten to them.
He had found Tracey with Tristram's body and had to half carry her away.
Severus was not unfamiliar with battle or with people dying. Processing the aftermath had never been his forte. And now he was trying to help Rachel do the same. He still had the strange urge to take her from Britain and flee, though it was far too late for that. He suspected her answer would still be no, regardless.
People would revere her and revile her. He knew she was unprepared to deal with the public and was also not sure how to help her with that. He needed to prepare her, but this was far outside of his experience. Ideally Albus could prepare her - he had been in a similar situation after the war with Grindelwald - but Severus wanted Rachel to have as little contact with Albus as possible. Severus wasn't sure how much he could do to ensure that. Everyone would want a piece of Rachel. The Minister. The MLE. The Wizengamot. The press. And Albus. They would all want to use her.
He couldn't help but ask himself what sort of life that was for Rachel. For all that she had grown over the past seven years - and she had grown a great deal - she was still rather shy and uncertain. He was proud that she had grown beyond the silent, fearful child that she had been when she'd first come to Hogwarts, but he still saw some of that in her.
When considering the war, he had never put too much thought to what would come after. The threat was dire and it was all they could do to focus on killing the Dark Lord and ending the war. Severus half hadn't expected to survive himself. Being near the top of the list of people the Dark Lord wanted dead had a way of quickly reducing a person's lifespan.
Now he was faced with the after, and without Albus' guidance. He scowled at the thought of accepting guidance from Albus again. He was a dangerous man to have as an enemy. Both of them were. Severus would watch closely. He would ensure that Albus never got his claws into Rachel's mind again.
Severus sighed again and stood. He'd unpacked the public areas of the house first, though their home was not open to visitors of any kind. There were still boxes in his office waiting to be sorted, but more pressingly was the mess in the cellar. Truth be told, if he was turning brewing into his main occupation, he needed a bigger workspace.
He had already begun writing letters. First he wrote to the Guild and indicated that he was returning to work as a brewer and a list of the more complicated potions he was willing to brew upon request. Prices were determined by the Guild. He'd also indicated that he was not looking for an apprentice at this time, but he expected that to change in a few years. At that point he'd need to rent space in the Guild to house a small brewing shop - he had no intention of taking anyone into his home.
From this letter the word would spread that Severus had left Hogwarts. Thankfully the newspapers were busy enough with post war material - and would be for the near future - that he expected this to go unremarked by the wider news sources.
He had also written letters to a few of the apothecaries he favored, as well as St. Mungo's, and indicated he was willing to contract for certain potions on a regular basis. He figured he could spend half of his work time in brewing and half in inventing. That would change again when he took an apprentice.
He went through the kitchen and eyed the window. If he was going to do contract brewing then he likely needed to get himself an owl. Thankfully owls were mostly self-sufficient, but it was still not a prospect he favored. In the meantime he would use the local owl post office.
Down in the cellar he had a number of boxes still stacked as he had nowhere to put the contents. He walked from place to place, picturing in his mind where he could expand the space. He wanted a room for ingredient storage that wasn't open to the rest of the brewing laboratory - that was just proper in a professional brewing environment. He needed another set of sinks, larger ones if he was going to brew in large cauldrons for orders that needed a dozen or more of the same potion. He'd like a separate counter, so he could have four cauldrons brewing at once. And then he was going to need storage space.
He took a moment to measure the dimensions as the room currently was and then went upstairs and to his office. His office was not yet unpacked, though he at least had the space in order to do so. Over the next week or so he could design a new lab space and then acquire the materials to build it. He had tentative greenhouse plans, but building that would take longer and he still needed to pick a space for it. And then there was Rachel.
His plans for Rachel mostly hinged on her own plans. His first task was to get her safely seated in the Wizengamot and make sure appropriate security measures were in place for that. He still had contacts in the aurors and if need be he'd go to Madam Bones herself to make sure that Rachel was safe within the Ministry. From there, he wasn't certain. He didn't believe that Rachel was certain either. He intended to give her until her NEWT scores arrived before he raised the possibilities with her, or until she brought up the subject herself.
"Severus?" came Rachel's voice.
"In here," he called.
A few moments later Rachel appeared in his doorway. "I'm back," she said, somewhat needlessly.
"Thank you for letting me know. How did things go?" he asked.
Rachel came to sit in the chair opposite his desk. "Well, they're not happy with Professor Dumbledore. Sirius said that he should have taken all the kids he was responsible for and left Britain."
Severus nodded. It always boded poorly when he and Black agreed on something.
"Sirius and Remus are going to talk about what they want to do next, but they've still got a house full of muggleborns and their families, so I don't think leaving the Order is an option for them," she continued.
"Likely not at this stage. Hopefully we'll have people back in their own homes within a few months. Not before the elections at the very least." Severus thought that everyone with an ounce of common sense was bracing for unrest around the elections. He was certain there would be a death toll.
"There is something I should probably talk to you about, if you're in a place for it," she said, looking worried.
"In a place for it?"
"If I'm not interrupting what you're doing. What are you doing?"
"Plans for expanding the cellar," he said, lifting his drawing so that she could see. "I need more space if I'm going to be brewing down there full time."
"You can make more space, with expansion charms, like Sirius' attic?" she asked.
Severus had not yet seen Black's bedamned attic, nor did he care to. "That is the general idea, though not so frivolous. Doubling the space should be more than sufficient. What was it that you wanted to talk about?"
"My friends and I are talking about moving in together," she said, her eyes wide as she watched him.
He bit back his initial objections, and then several more objections besides that. "Not in Black's house, I presume?"
"No, on our own. Though we'll have to find a place that's big enough for all of us first, and I'm not sure how easy that's going to be."
"With magic, space will be the least of your problems." Severus frowned. "I think this will take more time than you are anticipating. And you should not move out until the elections have passed and there have been a few weeks of the new Wizengamot sitting. If there will be wide scale attacks, it will be at that time, and the danger to you has not passed."
Rachel nodded. "I kind of figured that much and I don't think we're in a hurry. Finding a place should be a big enough task to contend with first."
"You will also need wards. And I would be more comfortable if you were under the Fidelius charm and that would be wise for some of your friends as well. Draco and Neville may also be targeted as sitting members of the Wizengamot."
"We figured that too. Will you be our secret keeper?"
Severus met her eyes and knew that she understood what she was asking of him and the trust that it implied. "I will. Your friends are alright with that?"
"Yes. They trust you. You're pretty much the most trustworthy adult in our lives. Though, we're adults too now, I guess. When will I start feeling like an adult?" she asked.
"Give it another couple of years. At least." Some days Severus wondered about his own adultness and ability to deal with situations. But usually only on the bad days.
Rachel seemed ready to say something, but she shook her head. "That's alright, I suppose. I'm going to go flying, unless you need me for something."
"No, that's fine. Think about what you want to have for dinner. Did you eat lunch?" he asked.
"We did. Sirius is teaching Malcolm all about muggle take away food," Rachel said.
"Everyone there was alright?" He hoped they were actually eating something at Headquarters other than muggle take away.
"More or less. I think everyone is just adjusting. It's a big change," she said as she stood.
"It is. If any of your friends seem like they need someone to speak with who is experienced in these things, I'm available to them." He had already spoken with Theo and Draco, but it seemed that neither of the boys were ready to handle their parents' deaths just yet. He would give them time, just as he was giving Rachel time.
"Thanks. I know they appreciate that too. I'll be outside," she said, leaving his office and then clamoring up the stairs.
Severus resettled in his chair and looked back at his plans. He was not ready for Rachel to move out. He was not ready for Rachel to grow up. Somehow he suspected that if he asked Torey, she would tell him that no parent was prepared for these things, but that they happened anyway. He would just have to do the best that he could and make it safe for her to continue growing.
When they gathered in Sirius' sitting room it seemed more like they'd been separated for months instead of a week. They passed around hugs, though some people hugged more than others, and gave quiet inquiries as to how each other was doing. It took a good fifteen minutes for everyone to settle on chairs and sofas.
"How is Ron?" Neville asked Ginny.
"Just about recovered. He finished the potions the Healer gave him and he's back on his feet. Mom's mad at both of us, and at my dad and brothers. She didn't want either of us at that battle and people somewhat conveniently forgot that I'm not of age yet, and I didn't remind anyone. I figure it was too late for any of that by the time I reached the battlefield. And Ron is a little bit embarrassed that he got hurt and the rest of us in the group didn't," Ginny explained.
"I got hurt," Luna pointed out.
"And a lot of people with more training than us were hurt or even died. There's nothing for him to be embarrassed about, it could have easily been any of us," Theo said.
"That's what I told him, but I sort of understand. I think I might feel the same way under the same circumstances. How are you, Luna?" Ginny asked.
"Better. I don't ache anymore. My father was upset. He said he could have lost me. He cried and I haven't seen him cry since my mother died. I felt very bad," Luna said. "We're staying home this summer and I'm reassuring him that I'm alright and that the war is over so we're safer now."
"My parents weren't overly thrilled either, but my mom shut up about it when I told her that I went to give kids Isobelle's age the chance to escape. There wasn't much she could say to that," Millie said with a shrug. "My dad asked if I was joining the aurors and I told him absolutely not and that I never want to be in a situation like that again. He said it was good to learn that about myself now instead of after doing three years of auror training. Like I was ever going to join the aurors in the first place."
Neville shook his head. "I never want to do that again either. I'm glad it's over. I know we were all planning to join the Order, but I'm not sure I could do that again."
"It wasn't actually as bad as I thought it was going to be," Draco said. Everyone looked at him and he shrugged. "I mean, it was awful, but I was able to do what I was supposed to do and it wasn't like I thought it would be."
"I think I know what you mean," Theo said. "We all held our ground and defended each other and the other people who were with us. None of us froze or ran away, like Kingsley says can happen sometimes. It's not something I would care to do again, but we made it through it alright."
"And our training was very successful. They were preparing us to defend ourselves against Death Eaters and we did," Hermione said.
"No. I wasn't prepared for seeing that at all," Millie said, sounding a little upset. "I thought I would be, after the attack on the first floor corridor, but I wasn't prepared to see those things."
Rachel reached over and took Millie's hand. Millie squeezed it and Rachel squeezed back.
Hermione wilted a little. "I'm not sure anything could have prepared us for the actual experience of it. I think about it a lot. But even so, it's like Draco and Theo said, we did what we were supposed to do and we made it through it. I suspect without that training we would have fared much worse."
"Well. We don't have to do it again. But what do we do next?" Ginny asked as she looked around the room.
The room was quiet for a moment. "Live our lives, I suppose. You and Luna have another year at Hogwarts. The rest of us are waiting for our NEWT scores," Theo said.
"When do you think they'll send them?" Hermione asked, looking almost as fearful about her scores as she did battles with Death Eaters.
"Severus says the third week of July, so that we have them before the elections," Rachel said. "Then we send our scores to the people we applied with and wait for interviews. I also talked to Severus about moving out. He's agreed to be our secret keeper, but says he doesn't want me to move out until after the elections and after the Wizengamot has been sitting for a little bit. He's worried about us being targeted in the unrest that they seem to expect."
"It's going to take us that long to find a place anyway. I'll ask my solicitor for a recommendation for a real estate agent," Draco said.
"Your solicitor?" Hermione asked.
"The solicitor contracted by the Malfoy family, which is me, now. He's helping me sort out the estate and the accounts. I got the official death notifications for my parents two days ago," Draco said. "Took them long enough, it's nearly been two weeks."
"That's not surprising. There were a lot of people who died and the MLE is in shambles, my dad says," Ginny said.
"I received the notification for my father the same day," Theo said. "I need to find someone to help me figure out my family's estate as well."
"You can use my family's solicitor. They're good," Draco offered.
"Thanks," Theo said. "Neville, is your estate stuff figured out?"
"Yes, Professor McGonagall helped me get it taken care of while we were still at Hogwarts. I haven't been back to Longbottom Manor yet, but I do need to go check on the House Elves."
"If you want some of us to go with you, all you have to do is ask," Millie offered.
"We'd be glad to," Luna said, reaching for Neville's arm.
Neville nodded. "I just need to get ready first."
"That's something I should talk to you about too. Sirius wants me to take Kreacher, which means he'd be living with us. He still has some…problems with muggles and muggleborns that we're working on," Rachel explained.
"I'm well aware of Kreacher's views. I feel bad for him. Maybe we can help him," Hermione said.
"That was my hope too, though I'm going to talk to him. I'm not going to take him from here if he doesn't want to leave," Rachel said.
"I think we should have one of the House Elves from our homes there as well. That might actually help. Sometimes the House Elves civilize each other," Draco said. "Besides, once everyone is there, they'll be cooking and cleaning for eight of us. That's a lot for one Elf."
"You know, we can cook and clean for ourselves, we do know how," Hermione pointed out.
"We're going to have more important things to do. Don't you want to focus your attention on your Mastery?" Draco pointed out.
Hermione looked thoughtful. "I suppose that's a point. And if the House Elves want to do it, it might be alright. When I've spoken to Kreacher - well, when I've tried to speak to Kreacher - he was very adamant about what he wanted to do."
Theo shrugged. "It's hard to stop a House Elf from doing something it wants to do."
"Then it's settled. We'll find a place to live, get set up, and it will be fine. We'll need floo access, which we'll need to set up before the Fidelius charm is in place," Draco said.
"And I want electricity," Hermione said.
Rachel thought she wouldn't mind having electricity either.
Draco shrugged. "I don't see why we need it, but if we get a modern enough flat, it should be doable."
"We need it because I'm going to introduce all of you to the muggle world. There's no reason for ignorance, especially now that we're not sequestered in Hogwarts for ten months of the year," Hermione said. "Besides, I want a computer."
Most of their friends looked mystified, but they seemed agreeable enough.
"Let's aim for moving out in mid to late August then?" Theo asked.
"Can we find a place that quickly?" Millie asked.
"Shouldn't be a problem," Draco said.
"We're going to need lists. I'll start some in our books and you can all add to them," Hermione said, looking as though she wanted to pick up a quill right then.
"Is your family staying with Sirius for now?" Rachel asked Hermione.
"We've decided to stay until after the elections. Once things have settled, Bill has agreed to recast the wards on my parents' home and they should be able to go back," Hermione explained. "They're looking forward to being in their own home again. I haven't told them yet that I'm moving out."
"I haven't told my parents that yet either. I think I'll get them through the idea that I'm doing a Charms Mastery before I approach that," Millie said.
"I think I'm just going to have to join a Quidditch team without telling my mom what I'm doing. At least I'll be able to move in with you, that's something to look forward to. I wish I was done at Hogwarts already. I don't want to go back," Ginny said.
"I will miss all of you as well," Luna said. "You'll come see us on Hogsmeade weekends?"
"Of course we will. And we'll stay in touch through our books," Neville said.
Rachel was not looking forward to going back to Hogsmeade. She thought she was done with that. She'd do it if it meant seeing Ginny and Luna though. It would be strange not having them around.
"Rachel?" Hermione asked tentatively.
"Yes?"
"I'm not trying to put pressure on you, but when we last spoke about this, you said you wanted to wait until we had everyone before talking about what happened that Sunday. Is now a good time or do you want to wait?"
"Now is fine." Rachel braced herself. She thought she had the retelling streamlined by now. "Is there something in particular you wanted to know, or just an overview?"
"How did you wind up with You-Know-Who? All I heard was when we were going out onto the battlefield that you had died, but there wasn't any time to get more information. And then you showed up. And there wasn't time after to talk about it," Ginny asked.
Rachel nodded. "I stayed in bed that morning because I didn't want to get up. The Dark Lord spoke to me in my head. I wasn't possessed, I was still in control of my body, but it was like he was a passenger. I could feel him there, watching through my eyes. He told me that I could either come to him in secret or he would attack the castle before we could evacuate. So I snuck out of the castle and through the Forbidden Forest to where he was waiting, and he killed me using the Killing Curse." There. Nice and straightforward.
"He's gone now, right?" Ginny asked. "In your head."
"Completely gone, I checked my connection that night, and he's gone. When I try to reach for him, I don't feel anything at all. So far, no more vision or visits in the night, and I think we can assume those are completely gone as well," Rachel assured her, knowing Ginny knew better than anyone else what it was like to have the Dark Lord in her head.
"But how did you come back? If he killed you?" Luna asked.
"That's a little more complicated and partially involves something I had to keep secret from all of you. The Dark Lord did a special dark magic that kept him alive, he was trying to be immortal, and as long as this dark magic was done, he essentially was. We could have kept killing his body and he would keep coming back. Professor Dumbledore, Severus, and I hunted down this dark magic and destroyed it, without the Dark Lord knowing what we were doing."
"That's what all your lessons were about?" Millie asked.
"Yes, and it had to be an absolute secret because the three of us have our minds protected by occlumency, so no one could just pick the memories out of our thoughts. So we found the dark magic and destroyed it. The snake was part of that, which was why it was so important that the snake was killed," Rachel explained, nodding to Neville.
"I helped kill You-Know-Who's dark magic?" Neville asked with wide eyes.
"I guess that's why our spells weren't having much of an effect on it," Hermione said. "But how did that help you come back?"
"Because I was connected to the Dark Lord and he was still alive. He did the dark magic on me too, without realizing it, when the Killing Curse reflected on him. I think it's because he had the ritual prepared when he tried to kill me when I was a baby. Anyway, I had to die in order for the Dark Lord to die. So while I was in the afterlife, my parents told me this, and showed me the dark magic, and said I had the opportunity to go back and that they'd be there waiting for me and watching over me. I came back, because I realized that I could now kill the Dark Lord, but mostly because I knew that me being dead would hurt all of you and the other people who care about me. And to finally answer your question in a roundabout way, Hermione, Professor Dumbledore said it was a combination of my mother's blood protection from her sacrifice, the Dark Lord taking my blood when he resurrected his body, the dark magic that I was carrying, and my own sacrificial magic from going to save the students while believing that I was going to die. I wrote…I wrote you all letters, because I believed I was going to die. You can have them if you want them, but it's basically an explanation similar to what I just told you, without the part where I came back."
The room was quiet again as everyone took all of that in.
"Your parents were waiting for you?" Luna asked.
Rachel nodded, knowing that Luna was thinking of her own mother. "They were. I got to meet them and they told me they were proud of me and they loved me and they held me."
"I rather thought that's how it would be," Luna said, though she looked relieved.
"I'm sure your mom is looking out for you, just like my parents have been watching me," she said.
"Rachel?" Theo asked.
Rachel turned to him.
"When you said you helped Professor Dumbledore find this dark magic, did you know that you had the dark magic?"
"No," she said, pausing and then deciding to tell them. "But Professor Dumbledore did, because I was able to find the other parts of the dark magic."
"But that means that Professor Dumbledore knew you had to die in order for You-Know-Who to die. And he didn't tell you?" Hermione asked, going straight to the heart of things as she often did.
"No, he didn't. But I already knew I was going to die because of the prophecy. And he couldn't have told me that there might be a way back for me, because then the sacrificial magic wouldn't have worked. From what I understand at least, I don't know much about sacrificial magic."
"No one does, it's a forbidden area of study. I'm not sure they even study that in the Department of Mysteries," Theo said.
"That sounds like something the Dark Lord would do," Draco said abruptly.
"What do you mean?" Rachel asked, feeling uneasy at the comparison.
"That's how the Dark Lord worked. He sent people on missions, giving them just the barest amount of information to get the job done. Sometimes Death Eaters died because they weren't given information, not that the Dark Lord cared," Draco said.
"He set you up," Millie said, taking Rachel's hand again.
"And he didn't tell Professor Snape, did he?" Theo asked.
"No, he didn't. And Severus is pretty upset about that. He left the Order and his teaching position," Rachel admitted.
"I can't blame him for that. He should have told you. Both of you," Neville said, getting nods from Ginny and Luna. "It should have been your choice."
"It was my choice. I knew I was going to die and I stayed," Rachel said.
"But it wasn't an informed choice," Hermione said, her brow furrowed. "He deliberately kept that from you. Why?"
"Because he knew Severus would take me from Britain rather than let me die. And then we'd lose the war and it would probably spread to the rest of Western Europe. I was willing to die to stop the war," she insisted.
"Again, it's something the Dark Lord would do. He used you like a pawn in a chess game," Draco said.
Rachel had always likened herself to the king piece on the chessboard rather than a pawn, but she understood his point.
"How would you feel if it had been one of us?" Luna asked. "What if Professor Dumbledore set up one of us to die to end the war? Or Professor Snape? Or Sirius or Remus?"
She felt her chest squeeze at the thought of losing Severus - at losing any of them. "I wouldn't like that at all."
"Then know that's how we feel about it happening to you," Neville said.
Rachel nodded. She could understand that well enough. "Needless to say, I'd really like all of this to stay between us. Severus and Sirius and Remus know, but that's it. I'd prefer if the press didn't know more about that day than they already do."
"We won't say anything. We've been keeping secrets for years now and I think we can all live with this one," Theo said.
"While I'd like for people to understand what Professor Dumbledore did, I can understand why you'd prefer to keep this to yourself. You don't have to worry about any of us saying something," Hermione promised.
"The real important thing is that no one knows about the dark magic that the Dark Lord used. We don't want anyone else to try to do it. It's better if that knowledge is forgotten entirely. And I just would like the newspaper to stay out of my private life."
"Good luck with that. Have you been listening to the wireless?" Draco asked.
Rachel shook her head.
"People are obsessed with you," Theo said, looking worried. "It might not be a bad idea for you to find a story you and Professor Dumbledore agree on to be the public version and tell them, because right now the speculation is getting ridiculous."
"We pretty much already agreed on a version with the Minister though."
"Well he didn't do a very good job of conveying that to the press. I wouldn't be surprised if you were asked to recount your version of events to the Wizengamot once we start meeting," Draco said.
"You really think they would do that?" Rachel asked.
"Yes, definitely," he said.
Rachel frowned. Her story had a lot of holes in it when she left out the parts she didn't want people to know. And she definitely didn't want to be questioned by the Wizengamot. "Is there anything I can do to stop that from happening?"
"Have a coherent story and make sure it's widespread. If the Wizengamot feels they already know the facts, they won't feel the need to ask. Maybe work with the Ministry to release an official statement," Theo suggested.
"You think people will stop speculating if I do?"
"Probably not, but maybe, if your story makes sense to them, some of the speculation will stop. The story doesn't have to be true, it just has to be something they can believe," Draco said.
"I think your first task is to figure out what is strictly off limits and then work from there," Hermione said. "No one can refute what happened while you were dead, so you can say pretty much anything you want to about that. And people saw you approach and kill You-Know-Who, so that part of your story is set as well."
"I'm not sure how to explain how the Dark Lord told me to come to him without explaining my connection," Rachel said.
"Legilimency," Neville suggested. "People will believe You-Know-Who can do just about anything. People already believe he can read minds. It's not that much of a stretch to say he could do it over distances."
"What about the dark magic?" she asked.
"Skip the part where you had dark magic inflicted on you," Ginny said.
"I agree, we don't want people to know that," Theo said. "But say that the Dark Lord performed an unknown dark magic ritual and you and Professor Dumbledore ended the dark magic so the Dark Lord could be killed for good."
"Don't mention the snake, please. I don't want to be known for that," Neville said.
Rachel could understand that entirely. "It's probably best that people don't know the dark magic could be put into things. The less specific we are, the less people can find out about it."
"Besides, a dark magic ritual sounds right up the Dark Lord's alley," Draco said.
"As for you coming back to life, I think both the sacrificial magic echoing your mother's sacrifice sounds believable if no one knows anything about sacrificial magic to refute it, and that the Dark Lord kept your blood alive by using your blood to resurrect himself," Millie said.
"Which serves as another instance of the Dark Lord using a dark magic ritual, which reinforces the rest of your story," Luna pointed out.
Rachel thought through the proposed story. The Dark Lord contacted with legilimency and lured her from the castle. He killed her. Something unspecified happened while she was dead. She came back because of the sacrificial magic, and then killed the Dark Lord. "You think people will believe this?"
"It somehow manages to be less crazy than the truth, so I think they will," Hermione said.
"I'll run it by Severus to make sure we're not revealing anything we shouldn't. How do I make an official statement?" Rachel asked. If she was going to do this, she might as well do it right.
"You'll want the Minister or Madam Bones for that," Draco said. "I bet Tonks or Kingsley could get you in to see Madam Bones. Hell, you could probably send an owl to the Minister and meet with him tomorrow. You're that important now."
Rachel didn't want to be that important. And she didn't particularly care to meet with the Minister again either. "I'll check with Tonks. What do we want to do today?"
"Something fun," Millie said.
"Well, we have cards and a chess board and a library. Or we could go out into muggle London if we think it's safe enough," Hermione suggested.
"We could do that," Theo said. "We've stepped out once this week and it was alright."
Rachel nodded. She was tired of being shut in and she was ready for something new.