Beta: NoVaHolt

Chapter 1: DXD

Imagine a scenario where Naruto were to live in Kuoh and attends Kuoh Academy…

"Naruto, are you ready?" one of his roommates, Sakura, asked.

"Almost. Forgot where I put my keys." Naruto responded, searching underneath his nightstand.

"Found them." He said, pulling them out from behind the one leg.

Sometime later

"I can't believe I have to go to school again." Naruto grumbled.

"Oh cheer up, Naruto. I am sure there is a girl here that can fill that void in your heart." Sakura quipped. "I mean, it's been several weeks already."

"Doubt it. No one can replace her." Naruto responded. "It is a disaster that Hiashi-teme ordered Hinata to attend an academy in Tokyo."

Sakura giggled, before meeting up with Sasuke, their third Roommate and Sakura's boyfriend…and an all-around heartache to his small fanclub.

"Yo, teme. You still glad to have such a small fanclub?" Naruto asked.

Unbeknownst to the three of them, at least none of them showed that they realized it, Rias Gremory and her best friend Akeno were walking close to them, surrounded by the usual gaggle of fangirls and fanboys.

"At least it isn't as big as that Rias girl's or her friends'." Sasuke said, glad about that little fact.

"What do you expect from a pair of Succubi?" Naruto asked bluntly, making Rias, Akeno and their fanclub stop and look at him with confusion.

"Why do you call them that?" Sakura asked, this close to sending him through the entire school building.

"Well, for one, they seem to bask in the perverted, lovestricken and debauched stares they seem to get each and every second, so if they were demons, their sin would be Lust." Naruto said, not noticing the red flush that the humans and non-humans who heard him gained on their faces. "Then there is the fact that Gremory-san is the head of that haunted Occult Research Club…and whilst I am sure that they keep things at below R18 levels, I am sure that some dodgy shit is going on in there…heard some perverts mention that she showers in there, the only thing keeping her modesty safe being a slightly transparent curtain."

Rias' ears were whistling as steam came out of them, whilst Akeno was giggling sadistically into her hand, enjoying her friends embarrassment.

"What, next someone will tell me that she sleeps in the nude and sleeps with those close to her to recharge?" Naruto asked, shaking his head. "I tell you, she's a succubus and this academy is her feeding ground.

"What about Akeno-san?" Sakura asked.

"She seems to take waaaaay to much pleasure in the suffering of others. If she were a 40k character, I'd bet it would be Slanesh." Naruto shrugged. "Let's check the list: Sadistic – check, Machoistic – check, embodiment of Lust – check, manipulative – check…"

By this time, the trio had walked out of hearing range, a gaggle of extremely red-faced girls, the boys having fainted from bloodloss long ago, all trying to get some vivid images out of their minds.

"Rias-sama…is what he says true? If so, could you take my…" one girl begged Rias, whose face was matching her hair in embarrassment.

Back to Naruto and co.

"What do you think about the other members of the ORC?" Sakura asked.

"Kiba is gay, no doubts about it…unless he is pulling a Sasuke from middle school." Naruto commented, ignoring the Student Council VP walking around the corner behind them. "I mean, he has that many girls fawning over him, willing to lick his shoes, and let's not forget the rumours of the VP's crush on him, but what does he do? Visit the Kendo club and show off his sword skills."

Sasuke grunted whilst Sakura thought that Naruto's words held merit.

"Then there is Koneko-imouto." Naruto commented with a small smile.

"You only get to call her that because you are the only one who manages to make her smile." Sakura growled in jealousy…wait, she wasn't jealous…she just felt like pummelling Naruto into the ground because he is capable of doing something she can't.

"Sakura. Calm down. Green does not suit you." Sasuke said, hiding a smirk.

"Anyway…" Naruto continued, "She reminds me of a cat. Seriously, think about it. She is the School Mascot. She can appear next to you as silently as a cat and you wouldn't know. If she walks into school with cat ears and a tail, I wouldn't even be surprised."

"Don't joke around, Naruto-nii." They turned to see Koneko standing stoically next to them. "I am not a cat."

Naruto pulled out a large lollipop and Koneko went ballistic, metaphorical cat ears, tail and paws appearing on her persona.

"You were saying?" Naruto asked with a victorious smirk.

"Ok, you win." Sasuke and Sakura commented, agreeing with Naruto on this.

"And the Student Council?" Sasuke asked.

"Sona-kaichou is a prude, the VP needs to take a leaf out of Sakura's book and force her tongue down Kiba's throat…" Naruto paused to see a steaming Tsubaki walk away from them. "…anyway, the others seem chill, if a bit busy. Definitely more friendly than the VP and prez."

"You would know…how?" Sasuke asked.

"Oh, they helped me pull a prank on that perverted trio last week…those three still don't realize that there is a thermal sensor right at all their favourite peeping spots. Now their victims always know when they are there." Naruto said. As if on que, a trio of squeals echoed across the school.

"Seriously?" Sakura and Sasuke deadpanned.

"Hey, Hinata told me never to change." Naruto gave them a smirk. "So, why should I?"

Later, after School's end

"Hey Dobe. What tool you so long?" Sasuke called out to Naruto as he came jogging out of the School building.

"Zip it, Teme." Naruto hissed. "Those girls are just as…no they are much worse…"

"You are not making sense, Naruto." Sakura said.

"Sorry…you guys have heard about the perverted trio?" Naruto asked. When his two friends nodded, he continued. "Well, they are nowhere near as bad as some of the girls in this school."

Sakura snorted. "Not surprising." She commented. "What did this have to do with you being so late out of the school?"

"A bunch of the kendo club cornered me, dragged me into one the changing rooms and began demanding I organize a spar between them and you, Sasuke." Naruto shuddered. "As in, they want you to use your 'Sword Skills' on them…after which they'd be willing to help you 'clean your sword'…"

"Please tell me you didn't…" Sakura seethed in anger whilst Sasuke paled slightly.

"I only managed to slip away after claiming to hear something outside of the changing room, where the perverts usually spend their after-school time." Naruto responded, hands raised placatingly. "I never said anything about setting up anything. I know better than to cause a territorial war between ANYONE and you."

"Really?" Sakura asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"23 girls sent to the Hospital with broken arms and/or shattered jaws from the last time a group of girls tried flirting with Sasuke, in your presence, alone." Naruto deadpanned. "The time before that, you sent those 5 girls to the ICU with fractures to the neck vertebrae."

Sakura had the common sense to blush. "You make it sound as though I only attack girls…"

"Because that is the truth in the current context. That one male only wanted to ask for your help studying and you mistook it for him asking you out…you only broke his nose." Sasuke answered for Naruto, knowing that if Naruto had answered, Sakura would have sent him straight back into the School…from where they were standing at the School gate.

"Oh…Naruto-kun~…" Naruto slumped and turned towards the only two girls in his fanclub (Kuoh branch at least), Katase and Murayama.

"Not now, you two exhibitionists." Naruto grumbled. "I am telling you anything about my girlfriend."

One could see a tick mark appear on the newcomers' foreheads. "Why are you calling us exhibitionists?!"

"For one, you never seem to be too bothered by the fact that there is a peeping hole in the wall of your changing room." Naruto held up a finger. "Second, I overheard from the perverted trio that the two of you regularly pose whilst changing…It is as if you actually WANT to be peeped on."

"…" by this time the two girls were red faced, be it from anger or from embarrassment, he didn't know.

"If you really wanted to stop the peeping, you have the legal right to press sexual harassment charges against those shitheads, nut no~…you keep things as they are." Naruto began a triad. "I swear, if any of those bakas start saying you did a strip dance whilst changing, I wouldn't be surprised."

…Naruto was never known to think before speaking…

...

AND DONE!

Please R&R.