Note: Aside from my New York fic that took a life of it's own, this angst idea came around and also grew. This isn't canon for my actual story line.
Anyways, let the angst continue...!
Stages
Denial and Anger.
It didn't happen.
Belle wasn't gone.
No.
She was going to walk through the door and said that she survived the match with Cronus's chimera.
Like her ancestor, Bellerophon faced the chimera and won, but this time Belle lost.
Unlike Bellerophon who tried to become a god and flew on Pegasus to try to get to Mount Olympus, Belle was rewarded. She was made into a Goddess as reward for her good deeds as a hero.
If only Neil got there sooner, if only he were a better fighter, if only the rest of them fought harder so that she could live.
If Cronus was right in front of him right now, Neil would take him on limb by limb.
But the God of Time wasn't the only one to blame.
Theresa and Atlanta were also at fault.
They warned Belle about Neil and what kind of a guy he could be.
It was girls being girls, doing guy talk. But instead of encouragement, they kept her away from him. Jay had Theresa, Archie had Atlanta. Why did they all think that Neil could just be happy with Neil?
"You know how I feel about you. I've given you time to think it over. I just don't see why we can't be together."
Belle bit her lip. "I care about you, Neil, I do… but it's just you seem to love yourself more than anyone else to be with anyone."
He was angry at Narcissus.
How come he had to be descendent from one of the most selfish heroes of all? Narcissus wasn't even a hero at all, he couldn't even fight. Jay, Herry, Archie, and Odie came from great heroes and were skilled on the field.
He couldn't fight. He couldn't even love anyone else.
He blamed the Gods.
And they were just next door to yell at.
He stomped to the library where they were all at for a meeting.
"How dare you. How dare you take her away from me…!" Tears in his eyes.
If she died an ordinary hero's death, she'd be in the Underworld. Now that she was a Goddess, she was still alive, but could never be with them.
"Why couldn't you just let her rest in peace…"
Aphrodite went over to embrace him, the Gods standing up from their chairs. He felt the rest of the seven were behind him as they chased him into the library, flowering over him as he sobbed.
He found it ironic that the Goddess of Love was assigned to him as his mentor, when he couldn't love anyone else.
The Gods gave pain to the mythic heroes centuries ago, though this pain was the worst of all.
He awoke from his sleep. It was still night time from how dark it was, but a bright light was there. He got up.
Was this a dream? It didn't matter. it was her.
She was always beautiful, but her holy glow took his breath away.
He held her in his arms. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."
She smiled. "It's alright."
"If I only got there a moment sooner, you wouldn't be like this, you'd still be here with us."
"There's only so much you've could have done."
He took her hands into his own. "Belle, we never…"
She placed a finger on his lips, and he felt his eyes closed as she kissed him where her finger was.
Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Neil was inconsolable.
He was often in his room, lying in bed. He wasn't even doing his usual hair and skin care, and that alarmed everyone.
If loving someone other than himself wasn't a surprise, not taking care of himself, especially with his looks was another.
Jay knocked on his door with a glass of water. "Neil, I know Belle dying and becoming a goddess was hard, but you got to pull through."
"She loved me back, Jay." There was finally some emotion in his voice. "She loved me back, but we never were, just like what you and Theresa have. Yeah, sure, there are a million of girls out there like the rest of the guys said, but Belle saw me. She saw the ugliest part of me, if that was even possible, and she still loved me."
After a long moment of silence, Neil continued. "I want her back here, Jay…"
The woman he loved was a deity now, and he prayed to her for many nights. She still wouldn't come.
Whenever Pegasus was around, he thought Belle would be close by. When he reached into the cupboard and saw her horseshoe print coffee mug and picked it up, it was heavier than it seemed.
Horseshoes were a symbol of luck, but he was the one who brought good fortune to the team.
Belle was his best fortune of all.
And he was going to see her again.
Neil walked up to Zeus as he talked with the other Gods.
"Make me a god," his eyes empty and wide. "Make me one of you, so that I can be with her."
The Gods turned to look at him.
"I need her here, more than anything. I'm handsome. I'm good looking enough to be a god."
He put the god in 'god-complex', and his ancestor's traits were definitely showing. Though they never thought that loving yourself that much could be a good thing.
"Neil, please be reasonable," the King of the Gods sighed. "You're still young and you've got your whole life to live."
Aphrodite walked up to him. "Neil, sweetie, once you love someone like that, it never goes away. Going on like this isn't going to help."
He was glad for his bond with his God mentor, and the Goddess couldn't be more helpful, but right now she wasn't being helpful.
All souls go to the Underworld, though the Gods were on Mount Olympus. A heaven in the clouds.
Though on the Earth that he was, this might as well be the Underworld.
He walked away from the Goddess of Love.
When night came, did praying even matter? Did believing that everything would get better was worth it? Was believing in a higher power worth it?
Was believing in Gods worth it?
But then, if he didn't believe, he'd stop believing in her.
"Why'd you have to go?!" He sobbed. "I need you here!"
"Neil…" Her hand was on his face.
One of Pegasus's feathers was in her hand, and she placed it into his own.
She placed her hand on his chest, a warm glow and light surrounding them. "I'll be right here…"