"My favorite son and my least favorite superhero!" Tony jumped up from the couch and smiled when Harry and Steve returned to the tower. Steve was still in full getup, looking ridiculous as usual, but Harry had a small pep to his step that made Tony's forced smile feel more genuine.

Tony hadn't exactly been on board with the whole 'take Harry out of the tower and into a possible media circus' plan, but Bruce said the last thing Harry needed was to be isolated all the time, so he gave it a shot. And he didn't really expect Harry to run into any real problems at a charity gig, but it hadn't stopped him from keeping all twelve news channels running simultaneous broadcastings while he tried to focus in the lab either.

And now it seemed like he owed Bruce a thank you for the idea. He wouldn't tell him, but that didn't mean he didn't owe it to him.

"How'd it go?" Tony asked them. He didn't miss the way Harry was obviously trying to get to his room, but Tony hoped he'd humor him anyway.

Harry paused by the door and shrugged, his favorite method of communication. "Fine."

Tony sighed and turned to Steve when Harry immediately slipped in his room and closed the door behind him. Steve didn't look putout by Harry's never ending reticence though, he had a slight grin on his lips and a little twinkle in his eyes.

"He might not like us yet, but he clearly doesn't have problems making other friends," Steve said. He gently placed his shield against the wall and took a seat in one of the recliners. "I think he befriended an entire litter of dogs and another kid that was working the event."

"Really?" Tony perked up from his brief disappointment in Harry's silence. Tony was annoyed he hadn't considered that Harry would be more comfortable around someone his own age, probably someone he didn't think would leave god damned bruises on him or hurt him in other ways. "Jarvis! Send me a list of all volunteers at the Queens Animal Shelter."

"Tony…"

"Full background checks, contact info, family history, the works, Jarvis," Tony continued, ignoring Steve's feeble protest completely. "If they have social media, I want the links. If they wet themselves in kindergarten, I want the reports."

"Very good, sir," Jarvis said. "I've downloaded the files to your phone."

Tony shot a smirk at Steve as he relaxed back in his seat. "This is parenting of the future, Cap. Get to know your kid's friends before they even bring them home."

"Nice," Steve sighed with a roll of his eyes, "invade some kid's privacy because you don't want to just ask Harry about his friend."

"You think he'd tell me?"

"Not a chance in hell," Steve snorted.

Tony pointed his finger at him, "Exactly."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both probably thinking about Harry's secrecy and all his other odd little quirks that were probably side-effects of some pervert grooming him for the last four years, until Steve sat up quickly and snapped Tony from his thoughts.

"You should get him a dog," Steve said quickly with an enthusiastic look on his face. "Dogs are good for people with trauma in their lives, there's a bunch of guys down at the veterans center that have them. Harry can take care of it and do stuff like walking it, getting him out of the tower every day, and it would be great for him! And I'm telling you, Tony, you should have seen Harry, he spent the whole time there buried under puppies."

Tony didn't coo, because Tony Stark did not coo, but it definitely was a sweet sight to imagine.

"And you didn't get any pictures as proof!" Tony cried. "That's it. I'm installing a camera in your helmet. Jarvis! I want all the news coverage of the event sent to me."

"Very good, sir."

"Traitor," Tony accused Steve half-heartedly. "There better be a photo somewhere of the kid in a puppy pile. Why didn't you pull the beloved hero act and just steal a dog for him while you were there?"

"My mistake," Steve grinned. He got to his feet and snagged his shield as he moved to the elevator doors. "Dinner here tonight?"

"It's Sunday," Tony said as a way of response.

They usually always had dinner together on Sundays. It had been Steve's idea at first, a 'team bonding' thing, but Tony had to admit it was one of his better ones. They usually ordered wings, beer, and watched a game or played cards for a few hours. Tony certainly wasn't going to tell them, but by the time Friday rolled around and Tony wanted to pull his hair out from work, he looked forward to Sunday nights.

He imagined it would be that much better to include his own kid in their weird ritual.

Tony waved Steve off as he left and then wondered what to do… he could go work on the glitch in the StarkCars that Mark kept calling him about, or he could go ask Harry if he wanted a dog…

"Kids like dogs, right?" Tony asked of no one as he got up from his seat.

"Statistically speaking, sir, 42% of American households have both a pet and at least one child."

"Perfect," Tony grinned. "Thanks, Jarvis, time to make this tower the perfect American family."

Y'know… with the genius father with an arc reactor in his chest keeping him alive, the eccentric aunts and uncles who happen to be Earth's mightiest superheroes, and the British teenage boy with a shady past and a fervent desire to run away to Russia with a pedophile.

A dog would really just be the cherry on top of the shit pile of a family unit they represented.

Tony knocked lightly on Harry's door and waited until he gave him the clear to open it. Harry was sitting on the edge of his bed, toying with the phone that Tony all but twisted his arm into getting.

Harry had turned it down, but Tony insisted.

First off, the single argument Tony used against Harry in the story, it was a crime to be a teenager in a first world country without a cell phone. Tony was pretty sure there were laws against it somewhere.

Secondly, it had tracking tech in it and Tony wasn't letting his son go anywhere without at least one way to track him. Paranoid? Maybe. According to Bruce, severely. But Bruce had never been kidnapped by terrorists, so he could kindly go fuck himself.

And thirdly, and most importantly, Harry was in constant contact with an unlisted number and Tony was positive it Alexander Ramsey.

If the kid was going to be texting a pedophile, you could be damn sure that Tony was going to be watching that communication with laser focus. He'd debated on blocking the number, but then Harry might talk to him somehow in a way he couldn't monitor. All they'd sent back and forth so far were a few pleads from Harry for money and a string of coded emojis.

Tony was going to try and figure out what a sailboat and a spider meant right before he ripped Ramsey's arms off his body.

"Hey, kid." Tony leaned himself against the wall in the doorway, leaving plenty of space between himself and his skittish son. "Heard you befriended a bunch of wild animals today."

Harry made a face and stuck his phone under his leg along with a scrap of paper. "You have your team of bloody killers, I have mine. Mine are cuter, to be sure, but I like our odds against you useless lot."

"Hey, I'll have you know that I am perfectly adorable as well as completely useless," Tony said as he pointed at Harry with a smirk. "Bruce? Not so adorable. But he looks way better when he's all hulked out and smashing shit."

Harry didn't laugh, but he looked like he wanted to, so Tony gave himself a mental pat on the back before he brought up the whole pet thing.

"You have a dog back in London?" he asked, extremely casually.

The edge of Harry's lips curled up in a slight smile. "My friend does," he said, missing Tony's wince at the reminder of his 'friend'. "A big black dog, looks mean as hell, but he's a soft little prat really."

"Yeah?" Tony raised his brows and crossed his arms. "You know, you could have a dog here, if you wanted. We already have a Clint, what's one more dog? Plus, maybe we can house-train them at the same time."

Harry ignored his joke and the smile he had slipped right off his face in favor of his usual suspicious frown. "How much longer d'you think I'll be here?"

Forever.

No big deal.

"Hard telling," Tony said evasively. "Super illegal brand new identities aren't created in a day, you know."

As if Tony would let his kid go gallivanting off to Russia with a pervert. And since Petunia Dursley would be signing over her rights first thing in the morning, it wasn't as if Harry had a lot of places to go. And it wasn't like Tony wanted him to go anywhere else anyway. Harry could stay there, with him, become a normal moody teenager instead of a- a traumatized moody teenager. Tony could keep him safe, put him in school, and they'd eventually be like every other parent and child.

Sort of.

Harry stared at Tony hard for a moment before he accepted his words with a curt nod.

"Seems like a waste to get a dog if I'd just have to leave it behind," he then said evenly.

Tony held back a grin at the brief flash of longing in Harry's eyes even as he dismissed the offer. "New plan, we go back to that flea infested animal shelter, you pick out a little furry beast, and then you take it with you when you leave. If that's to college or Russia, or college in Russia, so be it."

Harry blinked at him for a second. "Look, you keep saying shit as if you think I'm staying, but I'm telling you I'm not. I'm not leaving my friend behind. He's my family."

Tony wasn't offended that his son preferred a family made up on a pedophile over himself because that disgusting freak had been grooming him for years, ever since Harry's idiot aunt let him take Tony's son from her, and Harry had only known Tony for less than a week. He'd win the kid over eventually.

And he'd start with a dog, damn it.

"Hey, I'm not saying abandon anyone," Tony held his hands up innocently. "I'm just saying, I think what this house needs is something besides Clint to chew up all my wires. What do you say, kid? Want to begin this beautiful journey of adoption together?"

Harry opened his mouth, then his phone dinged, and Tony lost his attention entirely. Which would have been such a wondrously normal teenage interaction if Tony wasn't positive that it was Ramsey sending his son a text.

Harry read the text, squinted at it, then turned the screen off and gave Tony a hesitant look. "What's lol?"

"What?"

"A word," Harry drawled, arrogantly acting like Tony was the one who needed something explained to him—

Like father, like son.

"If someone said 'didn't think you would' followed by 'L-O-L', what's that mean?"

"Oh," Tony chuckled, "it means 'laugh out loud', like something was funny."

Harry's brows pinched together just as Tony's did when he was puzzling through something. Further needless proof that Harry was his kid. "You sure? Because it wasn't really a funny message."

Tony shrugged, "That's the only 'lol' I know of, kid."

Harry hummed and seemed content to stare deadpan at Tony, probably prompting him to leave.

"Alright, alright, I'm headed to my office," he said. It wasn't as if a single afternoon spend with dogs and Captain America would somehow make Harry like spending time with him. "The team is all joining us for dinner tonight, you like wings?"

"No."

"I'll get you pizza then," Tony grinned. "It's a family dinner thing, stupid really, an idea of Steve's obviously. We do it every week; eat, make a bunch of noise, play cards, make fun of Bruce, try to get him to hulk out. It's pretty obnoxious, kid, you'll love it."

Harry looked like he was inclined to disagree. "Wicked, I'll stay in here then."

"Or you can play cards?" Tony offered brightly. "Family dinner means sullen teenage sons too."

Harry blinked, then gave him a withering look. "I'm not bloody staying," he said harshly again. "Quit trying."

Never.

"Sure," Tony winked. "I'll be in my office until then if you need me. Stay out of trouble, or at least be really good at not getting caught."

Harry snorted and Tony pat himself on the back once again.

His own parents had made parenting seem exhausting, too exhausting to even try their hands at, but it was easy. Just let the kid do what he wants, kill the people who hurt him, and take him to get a puppy.

Easy.

Tony pulled his own phone out of his pocket the second he shut Harry's door. He impatiently pulled open the program tracking Harry's texts and stopped mid-stride at what he saw.

The recent messages were with a Queens area code, not the pedophile at all. And Harry had text it first…

Hey, it's Harry.

A kid of few words even over text. And then the mystery person had sent a single reply, the text that sidetracked Tony's own conversation with the kid.

Hey! Glad u text me, I didn't think you would lol

Tony waited until he was in his office to investigate further. "Jarvis, run this number: 917 538 9110."

"The number is registered to a May and Ben Parker of Queens, and is used by their nephew, Peter Parker," Jarvis responded after a quick moment. "Peter's details are already in your inbox, sir. He is one of the volunteers at the Queens Animal Shelter."

"What would I do without you, buddy?" Tony grinned as he pulled open his inbox and filtered through his requests to find the full report on this Peter.

Peter Parker, 16 years old, DOB: August 10, 2001. Born to Richard and Mary Parker, both deceased.

Tony read through the kid's report and felt a weight lighten off his chest.

This was just some kid. His kid's first New York friend.

"This is how it starts, Jarvis," Tony said cheerfully. "First he makes a friend, then we kill that piece of human garbage, then he gets a dog, and then he stays forever and it's happily ever after for the Stark family."

"If you say so, sir."

"I do," said Tony firmly. "We're going to make him happy and willing to stay or die trying. Oh! Speaking of which! Send a lawyer over on Wednesday so I can update my will and finalize the paperwork on Harry's custody details, will you?"

"Very good, sir. I also have a call for you from Mister Mark Lee."

"You sure know how to ruin a mood," Tony sighed. He threw himself petulantly in his chair behind his desk and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. "Patch him through, let's hear what the new problem on the car is today."

Apparently the navigation system kept catching fire every time an address was typed into it.

Which, as Tony tried to point out, was really only a problem if you didn't know where you were going.

Tony spent a few hours on his computer, intently caught up in the program for the StarkCar. He knew there had to be a way to reconfigure the navigation bug out of the system. He was playing with the code in his head as he counted the figures on the screen when Jarvis interrupted him.

"Sir?"

"What?" Tony snapped, his mind still running the code over and over in his head, looking for the misplaced figure that had to be causing the glitch. If he didn't get it figured out quickly, then the release was going to be pushed off again and he wasn't dealing with Mark's constant complaints for another month.

"Miss Romanov is home."

"Cool," Tony muttered distractedly. "If I move the seven down by the first bundle of two's will that fix the problem?"

"It will not, sir, I believe it will simply reset the system to automatically set the language systems to French every time the horn is deployed."

Tony sighed, that was what he figured. He knew it would either fix it or fuck it up more in an entirely different way.

"And, as you asked me to keep track of Mister Harry, I thought you may want to know that Miss Romanov is currently fighting with him in the kitchen now, sir."

Tony's head snapped up and he was out of his office in an instant, fire catching smart cars entirely forgotten.