TW: Mental Health

She looks down at me, a broken yet condescending look on her face. I can't believe what I'm seeing. She looks exactly like me, injuries and all, yet disturbingly unaffected by them. She even has a sickle just like mine. She places a hand on her hip and looks at me expectantly. "Well?"

The air around me grows considerably colder. My entire being feels completely frozen. I can't take my eyes off my…whatever it is that's in front of me. "How…" I can barely get the words out. "What are you?"

The other Amber's frown deepens. "That's a stupid question," she replies. "I'm you."

I slowly shake my head. "No… How are they even doing this?"

"You really are an idiot."

I look up at the other me. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. You're an idiot. And a failure."

I don't know why, but hearing my lookalike say this sends a pang though me. I look back down at the ground. "Tell me something I don't know," I replied quietly.

"Rycin was right, on the train. You threw your life away. You spend all that time as a burden to them only to throw it away like the ungrateful brat you are."

Wait, what? No, that can't be right. I wasn't… I wasn't actually a burden to them, right? No, they were more than happy to take us in. They loved us. They loved me!

"Quit lying to yourself," the other me snaps, as if she heard my thoughts. "You burdened everyone around you with that curse of yours. It's why no one wanted to be around you. Then, you run off to the Games so you could…" Her voice trails off for a moment. "What was it you were looking for exactly?"

Tears begin welling in my eyes. My heart stops pounding, and I shake my head quickly. "I…. I just wanted to-"

"Just wanted to what? Defy fate? No, you volunteered because you wanted self-validation. You wanted to prove to yourself that you weren't just some weak little brat. You wanted to be so much like your mother and sister that you quite literally ran in their footsteps."

"Stop it…" My voice is tight. My eyes continue to burn.

"I'm only telling the truth," the other me says matter-of-factly. "Mom and Sunny were amazing. They were your heroes, but even they failed. What makes you any different?"

"Stop…"

"You tried to be them, and you couldn't even do that right. You're just a selfish, impulsive person playing pretend for all the wrong reasons."

I shake my head. No, that's not true. That can't be true…right?

…right?

I knew my reasons for volunteering weren't great in hindsight, but…I'm not weak! I'm not!

Aren't you?

I push myself to be feet. "Shut up! I'm not weak! I'm not-"

The other Amber lashes out. Her hand strikes my face, hard, and I find myself back on the ground. My hands take the brunt of the impact and instantly begin to sting and ache. The other me just laughs as I push myself back up to my knees. "Like I said. Weak. Look at you. You can't even stay standing. You're not worthy of being a Reeves. You never will be."

I open my mouth to speak, but I can't form the words. I don't think there are any words to be formed.

I hear the sound of a weapon being drawn and I look up. The other me approaches menacingly. "And now, you'll die as you lived. Alone, with nothing ahead but oblivion."

I close my eyes and try to fight back the tears.

She's going to kill me.

Images flash through my mind, of my family, my friends, of all the people counting on me back home. People I've lost, people I have yet to lose, yet still have.

Those fleeting moments, those memories I made…

Memories I made…

My eyes snap open as everything becomes clear.

I made those moments, all on my own. I didn't have to be my mother or my sister or anyone else.

I just had to be me.

Maybe that's the secret to all of this. Maybe there are more moments to be made.

Before, I thought that life after my last Reaping would be bleak, full of nothing.

Maybe that isn't such a bad thing… After all, nothing is just another form of infinity.

Maybe instead of an empty void…

The other Amber raises her blade.

…it can be a blank slate.

My hand wraps around my own weapon.

A new beginning… I want to see it.

The other me brings her weapon down.

I raise mine to meet it.

Sparks fly.

The other Amber's hand is jarred by the blow as her sickle flies from her hand. She looks towards the weapon, then back at me, stunned.

I slowly rise to my feet and raise my weapon towards her. "You're right," I say. "I'm not my mother. I'm not my sister. I'm just Amber."

She stares at me for a moment, bewildered. Then, her expression twists and she starts to laugh. "Oh, really? And do you know who 'just Amber' is? How do you know she'll be enough?"

The other me is right. Death is a part of me. It always has been from the moment I came into this world. Maybe I didn't volunteer to escape it. Maybe I volunteered not to run from it, but to run towards it, face it head on, and then, maybe, embrace that part of me and finally let go.

I'll always love and care for the people who left before me, but I have to let them go.

They'll still be with me that way, not weighing me down but holding me up, guiding my way forward.

My next answer becomes without hesitation. "I am enough. I always have been. Just took me too damn long to realize it. I don't know what's ahead of me, but wouldn't it be nice to find out?"

The other Amber looks at me for a long moment, her eyes cold and calculating. Then, she disappears, melting away into the fog.

The fog evaporates around me. Some of that pressure is gone. I can still feel some heaviness, but it's still lighter, more manageable.

I take in a deep breath, letting the cool, damp, refreshing air enter my lungs and taking in the smell of fallen leaves and rain. I hold it in for a few moments, then I release it.

I love you. I love all of you so much, but I have to let you go., and I know you'll always be with me.

"Amber?"

I almost sob with relief when I hear Drake's voice.

I turn around slowly and see my three remaining allies, all exhausted and worried. "Hey," I say breathlessly.

I walk towards them, a smile forming on my face. Camdyn is the first to close the distance, pulling me into a hug. "You had us all worried," she says. "Are you alright?"

I return the hug, burying my face into her shoulder. "I'll be fine, I think," I mumble.

Drake joins the hug, followed by Lincoln, and the four of us sink to the ground, completely exhausted.

I allow myself to live in the moment, letting it stretch out for as long as possible.

My mother's lullaby echoes in my head, its words more meaningful now.

These friendships may be fleeting, but I know I will treasure them forever, regardless of how things end between us.

I just need to keep moving forward and fight for that forever.

And so, the Grim Reaper rises once again. Amber now understands that she isn't her family members and she never will be, but she doesn't have to be either. She just has to be Amber. Now, she is by no means one hundred percent better. She still has a lot of work to do, but she took the first step, and that step is extremely important. This chapter really focuses on the message of the story. You don't have to be anyone else. Choose yourself, dear readers. You are more than enough.

I finally get to reveal what killed Brooke and Krystian! Amber didn't really have a chance to connect the dots when she faced this herself, but what she faced was the Reflection. It was a mutt created by the Capitol to catch tributes out alone during the fog, particularly those that were going through severe inner turmoil, break them down, and then kill them unless you defeat them, which Amber was able to do by accepting herself for who she was. It was designed to wear the face of the tribute it was attacking to make hit even harder. Sounds cheesy, but I was in love with the idea.

The Reflection went after Brooke because she was wounded at the Cornucopia after being betrayed by her allies and was feeling like a failure. It went after Krystian because he had just taken a life as well as lost his allies, so he was definitely not in the best state (which is a shame because he definitely would have made it further if not for that.) Amber was actually NOT the first tribute to survive the Reflection. Can you guess who the first one was?

We're getting closer to the finale of the Games! Things are going to pick up again next chapter, but this time, Amber will have the tools to handle it better. Until next time everyone!