Nancy must have done something to the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters. This idea came into my mind. Now that Nancy is upstairs a lot more, what does she tell the ghosts down in the basement?
Nancy The News Ghost
"Hear ye! Hear ye!" Nancy said as she came down into the basement. "Listen up! I've got all the dirt upstairs! And there's some good stuff!"
"Did you just say hear ye? Hear ye?" Stuart asked.
"Yeah, like a town crier," Nancy grinned. "I'm delivering the news!"
"You can't be a news crier Nancy," Stuart rolled his eyes. "One, you're dead. Two, you're a woman. Three…Have I mentioned you're dead?"
"Guess what Stuart?" Nancy crowed. "They now have lady news criers! They're called newswomen! I saw one on the TV! She was wearing a nice blue dress with silver earrings. Very flattering."
"Ooh," A female Cholera ghost gasped. "What kind of shoes was she wearing? Or was she barefoot?"
"I couldn't tell," Nancy said. "She was sitting behind a desk. That's the latest thing. Nobody stands up to deliver the news anymore. They all sit at a desk. Except for something called a weather man. Or weather woman. They stand in front of this huge map that shows where a low pressure front is coming from. By the way, there's a low pressure front coming in from the west."
"Oooh," Creepy Dirk blinked. "That's troubling."
"That sounds like you're making it up," Stuart grumbled.
"I don't make up things Stuart!" Nancy snapped. "That's your department! You know? Like you made up the lie that you didn't have cholera?"
"Just never going to let that go, are you?" Stuart groaned.
"Continue Nancy," Cholera Nigel spoke up.
"Yeah, I want to hear more about this low pressure front," Creepy Dirk added.
"It's going to bring rain in a few days," Nancy added. "Everything outside is going to get wet."
"Shocking," Stuart said sarcastically.
Nancy pressed on. "Our top story is that the livings upstairs bought a new rug! Mostly to cover up that long scratch in the upstairs hallway. It's red and black with little bits of gold. And the livings used this thing called carpet cleaner that makes it smell like a lemon!"
"Ooh," Creepy Dirk was impressed. "What's a lemon?"
"You know what a lemon is!" Catherine spoke up. "It's that weird yellow fruit my uncle ate to try and cure his scurvy!"
"Oh right," Creepy Dirk realized. "Does it work? Curing scurvy?"
"I don't know," Catherine shrugged. "He got kicked in the head by a horse shortly after that and died from it. Could have gone either way."
"Oh yeah," Creepy Dirk realized. "I remember now."
"How could you forget that?" Cody asked. "You stole his boots after the funeral!"
"It's not like I have them now do I?" Creepy Dirk snapped.
"They also bought cheese!" Nancy added. "Some really expensive stuff! Cheddar! Swiss! Even this new thing called American cheese!"
"American cheese?" Stuart gasped.
"What they won't think of next?" Creepy Dirk was impressed.
"Gotta admire this newfangled technology," Cholera Nigel admitted. "What's it smell like?"
"Cheesy," Nancy grinned.
"Ooooohhh…" The Cholera ghosts were impressed.
"More news," Nancy added. "The livings put in a bird feeder near the bird bath!"
"What's a bird feeder for?" Catherine asked.
"To feed songbirds," Nancy explained.
"So they can fatten them up and eat them?" Creepy Dirk asked.
"Nope," Nancy shook her head. "They just feed the birds seeds and watch them."
Stuart blinked. "Why?"
"They enjoy watching them eat for some reason," Nancy shrugged. "Even though you can't smell seeds. And you have to pay money to put the seeds in the feeder."
"Hang on," Creepy Dirk blinked. "They pay money to watch birds eat? But not eat the birds themselves? Weird."
"Livings get stranger every decade," Stuart admitted.
"Like to meet the rich man who thought up that racket!" Another Cholera ghost spoke up. "He must be up to his eyeballs in backrubs!"
"Big news," Nancy went on. "There's a huge fire way out west in this place called California! It's a huge fire! Huge! It's bigger than this basement!"
"Bigger than the basement?" Catherine gasped.
"Yeah it's at least as big as…" Nancy paused. "Three basements! I saw that on the TV too!"
"That's big," Cody gasped.
"That's a real big fire!" Creepy Dirk added. "Must burn a lot of things!"
"I like fire…" A Cholera ghost spoke up in a very creepy voice.
"Newsflash!" Nancy said dramatically. "You know what cars are right? Well this guy called Crazy Larry has too many of them! He needs to sell more of them to make room for inventory! Blue cars! Black cars! White cars! Gray cars! So he's slashing prices to almost thirty percent! And he's willing to sell them with zero cash down and take a value of a trade in!"
"Thirty percent?!" Cholera Nigel gasped.
"That's a real bargain," Cody nodded.
"Zero cash down?" Stuart gasped. "Is he crazy?"
"His name is Crazy Larry," Nancy looked at him. "That's pretty much a given."
"Why doesn't he set the cars on fire?" The Creepy Voiced ghost spoke up.
"Not everything can be solved with fire, Fred!" Nancy snapped.
"A lot of things can be solved with fire," Fred weakly protested.
"Also," Nancy paused. "There's this lady who has something called type two diabetes. But she can just take a pill and you can get better. And apparently the side effects are singing and dancing."
"The wonders of modern medicine," Cody said in awe.
"Beats a damn lemon that's for sure," Catherine added.
"This just in…." Nancy paused. "Hetty and Trevor. Still banging."
"Scandalous!" Catherine gasped.
"Now that's juicy," Creepy Dirk grinned.
"Okay I admit that's interesting to hear," Stuart scoffed. "Mrs. High and Mighty slumming it with a ghost with no pants!"
"It's always fun to hear news stories about scandals in upper society, isn't it?" A female Cholera ghost twittered.
"Last I heard," Nancy spoke up. "Those two have been riding the washing machine like it's a racehorse."
"Damn it," Creepy Dirk frowned. "Why can't we haunt the washing machine?"
"More news," Nancy told them. "Remember those machines I told you about? The ones that can actually fly in the air? Another one of them flew over Woodstone Mansion!"
"Airplanes aren't real," Stuart snorted. "Disingenuous Information!"
"It's real Stuart!" Nancy told her. "The living butler lady Sam told me she even rode one a few times! And I saw it from the window! Kind of looked like a bug but Sam said that's because it was far away."
"Riding a machine in the sky?" Stuart scoffed. "What's next? People travelling to the moon? HA!"
"Also," Nancy paused for effect. "Alberta is still trying to figure out who killed her! They've narrowed it down to either her boyfriend or her sister. But they still think other people might be involved."
"I think someone is getting too involved with the ghosts up there," Stuart grumbled.
"You got something to say Stuart?" Nancy glared at him.
"I think you're spending way too much time up there!" Stuart told Nancy. "You belong down here with us!"
"I come back every freaking night to tell you everything," Nancy told him. "And you aren't exactly reluctant to hear the gossip!"
"That's fair Stuart," Catherine added. The other Cholera ghosts murmured in agreement.
"Conversations have been more interesting since Nancy started spying on the livings for us," Creepy Dirk added. "Let's be honest, the water heater just isn't as exciting as it used to be."
"Do you want to end up like…" Stuart paused. "You know who?"
"You can't even say her name, can you?" Nancy rolled her eyes.
"I don't even want to hear the name of You Know Who!" Stuart snapped. "I've gone without hearing it for at least a century and I'd like to keep the streak going! You want to end up being banished from the basement like her?"
"She wasn't banished Stuart," Nancy rolled her eyes. "She left!"
"Yes, well she was banished after she left," Stuart coughed. "Same difference."
"Not really," Creepy Dirk remarked.
"SHUT UP DIRK!" Stuart shouted. "She wasn't really one of us anyway!"
"That's because she technically didn't die of cholera," Cody reminded him. "She…"
"WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! WE WERE THERE!" Stuart interrupted.
"Why are you getting hyped up about this?" Nancy asked. "We haven't seen or heard from her since she left this group over two centuries ago! For all we know she could have gotten sucked off the minute she left the house!"
"Wait is that all it takes?" One Cholera Pit ghost gasped.
"No. I tried that," Nancy waved. "Didn't work."
"You went outside?" Stuart gasped.
"For thirty seconds!" Nancy snapped. "I went out. Saw the sun. Thought it was too bright. Saw some trees. Saw a couple of clouds. It wasn't that impressive. Went back in. It was enough for a few decades."
"Smart," Creepy Dirk remarked. "Baby steps."
"You went outside?" Stuart was shocked. "You actually went outside?"
"I can't catch a cold now Stuart!" Nancy snapped. "I still have cholera but you know what I mean…"
"I still think it's a bad idea," Stuart huffed. "You know how stuck up they are!"
"To be fair not all of them are horrible," Nancy paused. "Only most of them. Pete's okay. And the one called Flower isn't bad. Then again, she's a little nuts. Plus when I'm up there, I really annoy the heck out of Hetty."
"Oh, it's Hetty now is it?" Stuart mocked. "On first name terms with the lady of the house, are we? How refined!"
"Does anybody else have a problem with me going upstairs?" Nancy asked.
"No," Catherine spoke up. "We just have a problem with Stuart whining about it!"
"Maybe we should banish Stuart from the basement?" Nancy suggested.
"That's not funny Nancy!" Stuart gasped.
"Neither is giving us Cholera, Stuart!" Nancy shouted.
"Shut up Stuart!" Cody said. "I want to hear more about Crazy Larry! Those prices are insane!"
"I want to hear more about this cheese," Cholera Nigel added. "What other kinds were there?"
"I want to hear more about the fire," Fred added.
"There's a shocker," Catherine rolled her eyes. "What about that other thing you were telling us about the other day? That insurance guy who works with the bird. Are they still going to replace him?"
"It's still up in the air," Nancy remarked. "I think it's due to contract negotiations."
"Yeah, those can take a while," Cody nodded.
"Why don't they just replace the bird?" Another Cholera ghost spoke up. "That thing doesn't sound very helpful."
"Okay what is this weird obsession livings have with birds lately?" Stuart asked. "Instead of eating them they're either watching them or using them to sell insurance! What is the deal with that?"
"Oh, look who's interested now?" Nancy mocked.
"I admit it! I'm interested! I'm interested!" Stuart shouted. "I'm just worried about you Nancy that's all!"
"You know what I think?" Nancy smirked. "I think you're jealous!"
"Jealous? Why would I be jealous of you?" Stuart mocked.
"Because I can go upstairs and you can't!" Nancy told him.
"I can go upstairs if I want to!" Stuart scoffed.
"Prove it!" Creepy Dirk called out.
"I will!" Stuart scoffed. He made his way over to the steps. He stood there.
"They're called stairs, Stuart," Nancy said sarcastically. "You want me to show you how they work?"
"I know how stairs work, Nancy!" Stuart said defensively. "It's just been a while, okay?"
Stuart stood there a moment. "Have they always been this steep or…?"
"Get on with it!" Cody shouted.
"Fine!" Stuart tentatively put one foot on the step. Then he put the other one on it. "There. Not so hard."
"Very impressive Stuart," Nancy mocked. "You climbed one step. Now climb all the other ones."
"I'M GETTING TO IT!" Stuart snapped. He took a deep breath. He climbed another step.
"Come on Stuart!" A ghost called out. "You can do it!"
"He can't do it," Creepy Dirk shook his head.
"A hundred backrubs says he can!" Cody spoke up.
"You're on!" Creepy Dirk added.
"Yeah, I'll take some of that action," Nancy called out. "A hundred says Stuart can't get to the top of the stairs and stand thirty seconds out of the basement!"
"Two hundred says he can!" Another ghost called out.
"Two hundred he can't!" Another ghost shouted.
"A hundred says he'll burst into flames!" Fred squealed with joy.
"For crying out loud Fred!" Stuart shouted. "YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"
The ghosts cheered and cried out as Stuart tentatively climbed up one stair at a time. Right up until he got halfway up. Then he ran back down. "I can't do it! I can't do it!"
"Called it!" Nancy grinned. Some ghosts cheered others groaned at their winnings and losings. "You got anything else to say Stuart?"
Stuart groaned. "So Nancy…Tell us more about the low pressure front. How much rain do you think we'll get?"