"Um, hey, Daffy?" Tracey called.
Daphne looked up from her book. "What's up?"
Usually Tracey would've quipped with 'the sky', but this time she found herself trying to swallow down the lump in her throat. "Ah, I've got some'ing to tell you."
Daphne's eyebrows furrowed as she closed her book. "Okay?" she encouraged.
Tracey made the mistake of meeting Daphne's gaze because she instantly knew she wouldn't be able to do it. She quickly averted her eyes to avoid being read. "I, um," she exhaled as she tried to compose herself, fiddling with the end of her hair. She hoped she looked alright. "Uh…"
The words never came out. Her throat tightened up and she couldn't breathe.
Tracey woke up shivering. She fumbled blindly for her covers before she realised it was on the floor. Huffing out cold air she restored her blanket to its original position and took a glance towards Daphne's bed. It was empty.
Tracey had a tiny moment of panic for missing class before she remembered it was Saturday. The winter sun still had not risen but she figured since she was already awake, she might as well get up. Thirty minutes later, she left her room.
"Top of the morning," she greeted with a smile as she saw Blaise and Theodore walk towards her in the corridor. "How are–" Her words faltered as the two boys walked straight past her without so much as acknowledging her presence.
She wondered if she did something wrong to upset them. She sucked in a breath as she glanced around. It turned out that two Ravenclaw students were watching her (and possibly the entire interaction).
"Is something the matter?" she asked kindly, but the two girls muttered to each other and left hastily.
Tracey hummed to herself as she straightened her robes. Trying to not be deterred by this, she marched ahead.
She was pleased to bump into Daphne coming out of the Great Hall. Tracey's stomach churned and a huge grin split her face.
"Daffy!" Tracey beamed, engulfing Daphne in a hug as Daphne stood awkwardly. Tracey knew that Daphne didn't particularly like physical contact nor be called that, but she knew she could get away with it because she was well, Tracey. It's what made her special.
"Okay, you can let go now," Daphne's voice sounded strained though her tone held no malice. Tracey finally stepped backwards and noticed that Daphne's hair was already done up and she remarkably had eyeliner on. It made her even prettier, though it made Tracey wonder why Daphne had taken care to make herself 'more presentable' today, as Daphne would say.
"So, what got you all dolled up?" Tracey teased with a smirk. "Got a morning date to rush off to?"
"In fact, you're half correct." Daphne responded. "I am indeed meeting Harry soon, but I am a little too early."
"Oh." She knew she asked, but Tracey hadn't expected that answer. Her heart sank. "Well, how long are you guys meeting for?"
"I am not sure. Seeing as I commandeered our previous date, I am letting Harry pull the reins on this one."
"Oh," Tracey said again as her shoulders slumped. "But… I thought we were going flying this afternoon." Tracey loved flying but she never made the Quidditch team. Daphne on the other hand, hated flying. Therefore, it was only natural that Tracey was super excited for today because she finally had the chance to impress Daphne with all her skills.
Daphne's eyes widened before she raised a hand to her mouth. "I must confess I forgot about that. I am very sorry." Daphne's eyebrows furrowed, and she sounded sincere. "Perhaps next week? I promise I will make myself available then."
Tracey tried to keep her face impassive. "But you said the same thing last week," she mumbled, and it came out much more petulant than she wanted.
"In all fairness, there was a storm. I wouldn't say the conditions were ideal for the activity we had planned."
"That's lies. I bet you'd be even more impressed if I showed you the Wronski feint under the thunder," Tracey couldn't help but quip jokingly.
A small smile appeared on Daphne's lips. "That is if I can even see you through the fog."
Tracey laughed, but it sounded hollower than usual even to her ears. She wasn't in the joking mood anymore, yet they still spilled out since they became muscle memory over time. She didn't know what upset her more, the fact Daphne forgot something Tracey was looking forward to all week, or she didn't even give her a say on the matter.
"Next week, I promise," Daphne continued. "I am awfully sorry I forgot. I hope that is okay with you."
It was not okay with her.
"Yea, no problem, don't sweat it." Tracey waved it off before she smiled again. "I'll make sure to teach you old dog some new tricks next week then. You better not forget this time," she threatened light-heartedly.
"Will not," Daphne promised. "Anyways, I should get going. I will see you this evening."
"Right," Tracey said. "Well, enjoy your date."
"Thank you." Daphne bade her goodbye and Tracey watched her walk down the corridor and disappear around the corner.
She hoped Harry had no idea what he was doing, and Daphne hated the date so much she would never want to date him again. But that was just wishful thinking: Daphne had no clue what she was doing on their first date and yet it apparently went marvellously.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and walked into the Great Hall.
Tracey had breakfast alone. Two scones and a small bowl of cereal later, she was heading back up to her dorm wondering how the hell she could occupy a whole day of nothingness. She could always work in the library, but she didn't feel like doing her coursework because she probably wouldn't make any progress by herself anyway. She had also hoped that after flying with Daphne they would spend the evening together as well but now it appeared she'd have to find something to do.
As she sat on her bed, she realised that some of Daphne's clothes were unfolded and strewn around her bed. Daphne must have spent some time looking for what to wear, and that only meant one thing.
Daphne was nervous.
Tracey sighed. Daphne had been seeing Harry for god knows how long now and she still felt nervous around him. If only Daphne would feel nervous for anything she and her did together. Tracey knew she was nervous as hell for flying with Daphne today, she went to the pitch a few times this week to practice her Wronski feints so she wouldn't embarrass herself after all.
Tracey had lunch alone. The hall was scarce with students either in Hogsmeade, grinding through their coursework in the library, or at some other pre-planned activity with each other. She realised, as her mind wandered through eating her meal, that she and Daphne were quite socially secluded from the rest of Hogwarts. It's only now that Daphne's gone, that she realised she never became friends with the other Slytherins.
How did this happen?
Tracey looked down the table and saw the group of Slytherins from her year conversing noisily. She briefly considered walking over and joining them, before she realised that in truth, she was somewhat afraid of them.
Before, she would've had no qualms with chatting to them or even perhaps making a joke at their expense, but this time, Tracey found her palms sweating at the sole notion of interrupting their circle.
What had changed?
Well, there was no Daphne to save her from being hexed this time. Daphne was more powerful and stronger, and as a result she made Tracey feel safe. But now that Daphne wasn't around, she found Slytherin to be a bit more hostile than she had thought.
Daphne played such a huge part in her life that Tracey didn't even realise she had grown dependent on her. It was the same from the very beginning when she met Daphne on the Hogwarts Express in their first year and made it her life mission to befriend her. She had her apprehensions about being sorted into Slytherin but all those doubts were replaced with pure joy as she welcomed Daphne to the Slytherin table with open arms.
Tracey still wasn't sure what it was about Daphne that drew her in so much. But there was something, she was sure of it, she just had no clue what.
In the afternoon, Tracey eventually decided that it would be a good idea to try to join the other Slytherins from her year, and perhaps fit in. Well, as much as she could, being a half-blood Slytherin with cowlick.
The group was thankfully unopposed to Tracey joining them for the afternoon, but it only took her 10 minutes to realise that she didn't know them at all. With all the inside jokes, the gossip, and the communal hatred towards muggleborns (which she didn't agree with), she found herself being as quiet as she had ever been with a tentative and uncomfortable smile on her face throughout.
They played exploding snap, and it would've been fun had she not felt so out of place there. God, she must be creating a new personal record of how long she had stayed quiet.
Oh sorry, she would say when Pansy admonished that she was taking too long to play her card.
Sorry, my bad, she would say when she made an illegal move because she was a little too scared to ask for clarification on the rules.
The afternoon dragged out and it was like eternity.
Finally, the group finished their last game (which she didn't win, of course) and packed up the cards. They shouldered their bags and Tracey realised she was still holding her cards.
"Sorry," she said again, holding out the cards and Draco snatched them from her with an annoyed tut. Tracey smiled nervously as the group looked at her while Draco packed up the cards again.
Damn, she really wished Daphne was here.
Blaise suggested they headed to the library until dinner to finish their assignment and the others murmured their assent and started to walk towards the exit. Tracey stood still, unsure what to do as her opinion had not been requested.
Millicent, the last of the bunch, looked back. "You coming?" she said.
Tracey blinked. Possibly for the first time ever, she found she preferred to be alone.
"No," she smiled. "You guys go ahead."
"Alright," Millicent merely nodded curtly, before she left the common room with the others.
Tracey's smile wavered as she stood alone awkwardly in the middle of the common room, catching the attention of a few third years. She walked briskly towards her dorm, maybe she could have a crack at her coursework because she was worried she would never complete it.
Tracey had dinner alone. The other Slytherins were already there when she arrived to eat but she didn't feel like sitting with them. She walked to the corner and down, waiting for her food to emerge.
She was halfway through her meal when she saw Daphne and Harry walking in. As if a fire ignited, Tracey perked up and waved broadly, trying to flag Daphne's attention. Daphne's head turned towards her, and Tracey thought she was going to come and perhaps she would have a nice evening, but then she and Harry said something before they both headed towards the Gryffindor table.
Tracey stayed standing in disbelief, arms still awkwardly outstretched as she watched Daphne sit at the Gryffindor table. She was introduced to Harry's friends, and they started eating.
It was at this moment in time that Tracey felt her life was a sitcom, and she wasn't even the main character.
Suddenly the food didn't look so appetising. She set her fork down with trembling hands. She then hastily grabbed her stuff and left the great hall.
It was raining heavily but she didn't care, perhaps it could tame her choppy hair for once. Her throat burned with an unfamiliar feeling as her stomach churned. She hugged herself as she kept walking briskly.
Eventually, she threw her bag heavily onto the bench before she sat down, a seat overlooking the Great Lake that seemed black in the night. The rain was falling fast as ever but she wasn't sure whether the salt she tasted was from the rain or not.
She was no Slytherin. She wasn't cunning, she didn't have ambition, and she wasn't a pure blood. How on earth could the Sorting Hat have thought this was the right place for her? There was no way she could get on well with any Slytherin (except for Daphne, but that took a crap ton of effort) and she couldn't befriend people from other houses either as they were all too suspicious of her.
Everybody she knew either came from aristocratic families, was crazily smart, or super attractive to compensate. Daphne was all of them; Tracey was none of them.
It's a funny thought, to be honest, that once upon a time Tracey thought she and Daphne could become something different. She already managed the impossible task of befriending her, what's another impossible task, right? But this was completely different. She was surrounded with pure blood culture which constantly condemned this. There was absolutely no way Daphne would respond positively if Tracey said. She couldn't lose Daphne too, because then she'd have nothing.
But maybe she had already lost her to the darn boy she, for some mysterious reason, set Daphne up with.
She didn't know how long she spent wallowing before she was interrupted with a person sitting directly next to her.
Alarmed, she whipped her head to the right only to be met with a pair of green eyes and those darned glasses.
"What are you doing here?" Harry said. "Are you okay?"
Tracey sighed and cast her attention back towards the lake. "How did you know I was here?"
"Well, I saw you leave." He paused, a little hesitant. "And I have a map as well."
Tracey didn't know how a map of Hogwarts could be of any help, but she didn't bother to push it. "Well, how was your day? Did your date go well?"
To Tracey's chagrin, Harry smiled. "Yeah, it went great," he nodded. "But I'm a bit worried about you. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, of course," Tracey shook her head. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Hmm, for one you are alone, looking miserable, under the rain, in the middle of nowhere?"
"Ha, am I that bad at hiding my emotions?" Tracey said. "Just because I'm not making some retarded joke means I'm miserable?"
Harry's eyes widened as he took a double take. "Oh-kay, you are definitely not alright."
Tracey winced. "Sorry." she eventually said. "But no. I guess not."
"Is something the matter?"
"I don't know, man." Tracey huffed into the cold air. "Just feeling tilted. Hopefully goes away soon."
Harry hummed as he looked pensively towards the lake. "In that case, I'll sit in the rain with you."
"Damn. You know, I was just about to ask you to leave." It was supposed to be said light-heartedly but with the lack of jest in her tone, it was way more serious than she intended.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Harry said quickly.
Tracey pulled him back down. "I was just kidding," she rolled her eyes. "Sorry, flat joke. Anyways." The air felt awkward, and her wet robes were clinging onto her uncomfortably. "Was it good? What did you guys get up to today?"
"Oh, it was amazing," Harry lit up and he had a dreamy smile on his face. "We walked around Hogsmeade and Daphne showed me the villages. I even managed to take her to the joke shop today but couldn't convince her to buy anything."
Tracey snorted. "Joke shop? Maybe you'll see me working there in a few years."
Harry smiled uncertainly as if he wasn't sure if she was joking or not. "But yeah," he continued. "It started raining in the afternoon and I suggested we start heading back before we get too wet. But I don't know whether it was the rain or what but Daphne and I, uh…" Harry rubbed the back of his head. "Well, we kissed. I've never seen her so happy, and I've never been so happy ever either. So yeah, my day was rather swell."
Well, we kissed. I've never seen her so happy.
"Oh nice," Tracey said as she felt her insides withering away. "Cool. That's romantic. I'm really happy for you guys."
"Yeah, it's a bit cliché but with how chaotic my life has been, I wouldn't mind a little bit of cheesy cliché," Harry shrugged.
Tracey nodded emptily. Then she hiccupped, suddenly felt really sick, so sick that she had to hold a fist to her mouth. They kissed. She knew it was inevitable but evidently a part of her had hoped it would never happen. Her insides felt like they were being crushed.
"Are… you sure you're okay?" Harry enquired.
"Yeah, no, no," Tracey waved dismissively. "Headache and bellyache. Ache. Nothing a good night's sleep can't fix, eh?"
"Right, okay," Harry nodded as they fell quiet again.
A gust of wind blew, and Tracey watched the waves of the Great Lake crash into the bank.
She felt like this had been eating away at her for too long, and she had to ask.
"So, what is it like?" Tracey said weakly. So weak it could've easily been swallowed by the wind.
There was a pause. "What specifically?" Harry responded.
Tracey sighed as she idly swung her legs, feeling the wet grass against her socks. "What is it like… to date her?"
Harry had that stupid dreamy smile on his face again. "She's amazing, honestly. She is so kind and so witty. She's not too affectionate and she doesn't smile too much but you know she's happy when you can see her dimple on her cheek. She's also so… on top of things and so sure of herself you can't help but admire her. Honestly, I still have a little trouble believing that she's real," Harry concluded, chuckling.
Tracey nodded. "Must be nice," she said emptily.
"It's phenomenal," Harry concurred.
Tracey felt overwhelmed. It took her years, and it only took Harry a couple of weeks. It seemed Daphne had already left her behind and yet Tracey couldn't get her out of her mind.
She gulped and before she knew it, a small, choked sound burst out of her throat and a tear slid down her cheek. At least the rain did a good job hiding it. Or so she thought.
"Hey, hey, are you – are you crying?" Harry gently prodded, slightly alarmed as he put a hand gently on her shoulder.
"I'm a Slytherin I don't cr–" Tracey started, but the voice crack in her voice betrayed her. "Maybe. Yes," she eventually conceded.
"What's wrong?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows in concern. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, you didn't say anything wrong," Tracey retorted. "It's just–" she laughed mirthlessly, wiping the tears and the rain from her eyes defeatedly. "I guess I'm just jealous."
"But why would you be –" Harry's frown deepened before he swallowed. "What, you're jealous of… of Daphne?" he said uncertainly.
"No, not of Daphne, you cretin!" Tracey snapped and she hiccupped again. "Not everybody wants to date the great Harry Potter, you know."
"Well – what are you jealous of then?" Harry said and he sounded genuinely bewildered.
Tracey sighed again and buried her face in her hands. The rain was falling faster than ever, but she found herself not caring at all. "I–" she started, but the words weren't coming out. Even though she was getting desperate for somebody to know, it was so difficult to admit it out loud. She had given up trying to deny it by now, but saying it made it so real and she had no idea if she was prepared for it. "I…" she tried again but it still wasn't coming out.
Tracey felt a new emotion join the mix – frustration.
Oh, fuck it! Who cares anymore.
"I'm in love with somebody I can't have," she finally admitted.
Tracey kept her eyes on the swaying grass illuminated by the moonlight, dampened by the ever-falling rain. She felt no relief in that admission. In fact, she was rather terrified.
"Sure you can," Harry encouraged, putting his hand on her shoulder again. "You deserve the world. Any boy would be lucky as cheese to be with you."
Tracey wanted to scream.
"It's– I can't give two shits about boys, Harry."
"Huh?" Harry blurted dumbly. "So what's the problem then?"
Tracey remained silent.
"What is it?" Harry prodded, but Tracey still didn't say anything. She swallowed heavily, and the pause was agonising as she waited for Harry to finally connect the dots. "Oh."
Tracey's eyes were still transfixed on the grass as she chuckled scornfully. "Yeah."
"I mean… that doesn't change anything," Harry continued gently. "My point still stands."
Tracey smiled wryly. "But it's not anybody it's…" she swallowed. "It's her."
Harry sat there for another few moments before he finally stilled. "Daphne?" she whispered.
Tracey laughed again as she wiped her eyes with her sleeves once more. "It's ridiculous, innit?"
Harry stayed silent for a bit too long and Tracey looked up worriedly. "No, sorry, I'm just surprised, that's all," he reassured. "I mean, it's not ridiculous. I happen to also have strong feelings for her so yours are perfectly justified."
"Ah, but there's a difference, ain't there." Tracey mumbled, kicking the grass with her feet. "You're actually dating her, and I never will."
"Well, this I don't understand. You're the one who set us up!" Harry said. "Why would you do that if you've liked her this entire time?"
"I've been asking myself the same thing. I suppose I'm notorious for making the worst life decisions, huh?" she shrugged unhappily. "Of course, I want Daffy to be happy. But I guess a part of me never thought it would work out. I mean – you and Daffy is not a pairing that looks good on paper, yanno? It's just – it's not fair. It took me years to get her to open up to me. You did it in what, three weeks?"
"I mean she can be a little awkward to speak to at first, of course. And I'm apparently endorsed by you so that could've helped."
Tracey sighed. "Maybe I helped a bit too much, because she ditched me to hang out with you today. We were supposed to go flying."
"Yeah, sorry about that," Harry grimaced. "Daphne did mention it."
"It's just–" Tracey smiled wryly. "We used to do everything together, Daffy and I. She was basically everything I had because now I've lost her, I realise I have nobody left."
"I'm sure that's not true, aren't you and Daphne friends with the other Slytherins–"
"No, we're not," Tracey said bluntly. "The snakes all hate my guts and they're arrogant as fuck. I really hate being a Slytherin, you know. I never belonged there."
Harry pursed his lips. "Well, you still have me?" Harry said. "I'm sure you'll get along with my friends too. I can introduce you?"
"Yeah, that would be nice," Tracey said, sighing heavily. "It'd be so much easier if I could hate you, Harry. Then I wouldn't think twice about sabotaging your relationship. But pain as it is for me to admit, you're good for her. You're the one who makes her happy. I don't have the right to take that from either of you."
Harry hummed contemplatively. "You know, if it came down to it, I'm sure she would choose you over me. She always talks about you."
Tracey looked up. "There's no way."
"I'm not kidding," Harry said emphatically. "She tells me about you all the time. She wanted to have dinner with you because she felt bad about leaving you behind today."
"Bro, I literally waved her down, and she ignored me."
"Neither of us saw you. Daphne told me that you weren't here and so I took her to the Gryffindor table. I only saw you when you left."
"Should've known," Tracey shook her head. "I looked like a buffoon."
Harry chuckled. "The point is, she does really care about you. A lot. If it stands for anything, you really do mean a lot to her, Tracey. She told me you always knew how to cheer her up."
Tracey smiled wistfully.
"If it's still a problem, maybe I could help?" Harry suggested. "I could step away? I could tell her and perhaps –"
"No, do not tell her," Tracey cut in vehemently. "Never tell her. She'll flip out, I promise. This is all taboo in her pure blood bullshit. She'll hate me."
"But I hate seeing you like this," Harry replied. "Is there really nothing I can do to help?"
"No, I don't think so," Tracey shook her head. "If I ever tell her, it needs to be on my own terms."
Harry sucked in his cheeks and nodded. "Alright. But honestly, we're here if you need company. I think it could be funny to see the look on Daphne's face for you to crash one of our dates."
"Yeah, I'll make sure to cockblock you."
"Ha please, by all means! I think Daphne is way funnier when she gets angry."
"Can't agree more." Tracey chuckled. "You know what, we should go back now, you look ridiculous. And I'm freezing."
"Yes, please. I've been waiting for you to say that for ages."
Daphne was already in their room when Tracey walked into her dormitory. She looked up from her book when she saw Tracey enter.
"Good evening," she greeted. Then she noticed the state Tracey was in. "Merlin, what got you so wet?"
"Went for a nice evening stroll," Tracey said half-jokingly as Daphne narrowed her eyes in half scepticism, half amusement. "What, does a walk in the pouring rain not sound nice to you?" she grinned.
"I must confess, it is not for me," Daphne responded, closing her book and placing it on the table. "I apologise for not being able to make it today. I hope you didn't miss me too much." Daphne's tone stayed regal and formal but through the years Tracey knew her, she knew she was being teased.
Little did Daphne know, Tracey did indeed miss her a bit too much.
"Well, there's always next week," Tracey shrugged. "I don't care what the weather is like, you are coming and I'm going to make you fly."
"Okay," Daphne nodded. "That I can promise. In fact, I am looking forward to it."
"Good. Also, I need help with my coursework. Have you done it yet?"
"Yes. You need my help, don't you?" This time, Daphne smirked.
"Bah, don't get all smug. You'll be needing my help when you spin in circles on your broom next week."
Daphne chuckled. "That I do not doubt. I can take a look. But you are currently dripping on our carpet. You should go take a shower."
"Why, of course, darling." Tracey smiled evilly, then proceeded to take off her soaked robe and throw it onto Daphne's bed. She was afraid she might get hexed, but seeing Daphne's thoroughly unamused face was worth it. "Okay, okay, I'm going," Tracey said as Daphne's eyes shot daggers at her. She quickly removed the robe from the bed and grabbed her towel.
As she made her way out, she looked back.
"Um, hey, Daffy?" Tracey called.
Daphne looked up from the book she resumed reading. "What's the matter?"
Tracey swallowed down the lump that formed in her throat. "Hypothetically, how would you feel if I said I, uh…" she started but as soon as she met Daphne's startling blue eyes, she faltered. She grimaced and shook her head. "Actually, never mind. I'm freezing. I'll see you in a bit."
"Okay. Bye," Daphne said simply, and Tracey closed the door behind her as she exited.
"Ah, fumbled the bag again," she sighed as she walked into the bathroom. "Oh well, there's always next time."
Or perhaps she should be wise and search for a different happy ending, because this one only had dead ends.
AN: Not entirely sure why but I love Harry - Daphne - Tracey as a trio so it was only natural for me to wonder what'd happen if we had some kind of a love triangle. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this story :)