Back on the bridge, Deadpool flies sideways from Colossus's throw. The scene continues to move in slow motion as Deadpool talks through voiceover. "Okay. Let's pro-con this superhero thing." Time resumes and Deadpool's rammed against a car, leaving a huge dent in the side, before falling to the ground. "Pro: They pull down a gaggle of ass. Local dry-cleaning discounts. Lucrative film deals, both origin stories, and larger ensemble team movies." The camera pans down to where Deadpool is currently situated where we see him look up towards the audience. "Con: They're all lame-ass teacher's pets."
"You know, I can hear you," Colossus said, offended, while Keith looks confused at who Deadpool is talking too.
"I wasn't talking to you," Deadpool said to Colossus before turning back towards the audience. "I was talking to them."
We momentarily turn our attention towards Colossus who turns towards Keith, threateningly. "Stay right here." He turns and walks towards Deadpool, and he begins to stand. "You've been warned before, Deadpool. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us." Colossus crosses his arms to assert his dominance in this scenario.
"Look, Cyril," Deadpool began as he got back to his feet. "I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!" His attention is then drawn towards Cheryl, who casually walks over and stands next to Colossus. "And you are?"
Cheryl chews on what appears to be rubber cement before answering Deadpool's question. "Negasonic Teenage Warhead."
"Negasonic Teenage... What the shit?" Deadpool yelled out, awestruck. "That's the coolest name ever!" She shrugs, indifferent. "So, what, you're like, uh, his sidekick?"
"No. Trainee," Colossus answered.
Deadpool walked in between the two and approached Keith, who still had his shoulder lodged between a rock and a sword. "Let me guess, X-Men left you behind on what? Shit detail?"
"What does that make you?" Negasonic Teenage Warhead asked, jumping onto the hood of the vehicle Deadpool left a dent in.
"Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead," Deadpool said, looking down at Keith with a sense of pride. "Can we trade names?" He proceeds to punch the downed villain in the face.
"Can we go?" NTW asked Colossus, uninterested in whatever's taking place in this situation.
"Look! I'm a teenage girl," Deadpool began to speak, clearly intending to mock NTW. "I'd rather be anywhere than here. I'm all about long sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silences." He walked up to her and got up close and personal in her personal space. "So what's it gonna be, huh? Long sullen silence... or mean comment? Go on."
NTW eyes him before going along with his inane theory. "You got me in a box here."
"Aha!" Deadpool yells out in triumph, silently cheering to himself.
"We can't allow this, Deadpool," Colossus said. "Please, come quietly."
"You big chrome cock-gobbler," Deadpool said, throwing a transistor at Colossus's metal frame.
"That's not nice."
"You're really gonna fuck this up for me?" Deadpool asked, irritated. "Trust me..." Deadpool turns and points at Keith in anger. "That wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming." Keith scoffs at Deadpool's immature statement. "He's pure evil." Deadpool turns back towards Colossus to try and alleviate the situation. "Besides... Nobody's getting hurt."
In the background, the goon's body that splatter against the sign falls down and lays on top of a car before sliding off the side, gaining everyone's attention. Deadpool attempts to feign innocence in regards to that unfortunate incident. "That guy was already up there when I got here."
"Archer, you are better than this," Colossus said, trying to show sympathy towards the Merc with a Mouth. "Join us. Use your powers for good."
Deadpool grabs a hubcap while Colossus blabbers on about heroism and good deeds and launches it at Keith's head, hitting it dead on. "Heads up."
"Be a superhero." Deadpool turns his head to face Colossus, having grown tired of Colossus's constant insistence.
"Listen! The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler..." While Deadpool is delivering his rant, Keith silently begins to pry the sword out of his shoulder in order to make a clean get away. "...who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... On that day..." His mood then turns jovial. "I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request." His mood returns too serious. "But until then, I'mma do what I came here to do. Either that or slap the bitch outta you!"
"Archer..." Colossus said, disappointed. Meanwhile, NTW, not really paying attention to conversation, notices Keith is in the process of escaping.
"Hey," she attempts to warn them.
"Zip it, Neck Bones!" Deadpool says, pointing angrily at NTW.
"Hey, douche-pool!" NTW nods towards the location where Keith used to be pinned against.
"And I hope you're watching..." Deadpool turns to point at Keith in anger, only to discover... he's gone. Not only that, but he's currently speeding away on his motorcycle. Deadpool gasps loudly and places his hands to his cheeks before turning towards Colossus in disbelief.
"Quite unfortunate," Colossus said, trying to remain calm.
Deadpool whips his head back and forth between the barrier and Colossus, trying to wrap his head around the fact that the one opportunity he had at dealing sweet vengeance upon Keith got blown to smithereens in the span of only 5 minutes. He looks at Colossus, the fury of a thousand suns present in his vocal cords.
"That does it!" He jumps up and strikes Colossus in the face, which as expected, breaks his right hand. "Oh!" He groans in pain as he holds his broken hand. "Russia!" He flops it around to observe the severity of the damage. "That's not good."
"Archer, please," Colossus said, uncomfortable.
"Cock shot!" Deadpool strikes Colossus right in the groin, which inevitably breaks his other hand. He groans in pain once and begins to speak in falsetto. "Oh, your poor wife."
"You really should stop," Colossus said, not taking any pleasure in Deadpool continually beating himself up trying to hurt the metal giant.
Deadpool holds both his limp, broken hands in front of him and turns towards the audience. "All the dinosaurs feared the T. rex." He jumps and spins in the air, attempting to kick the metal giant across the face with his foot, which as expected, breaks upon impact. He lands on the ground, screaming in agony, while NTW watches on, laughing giddily. "I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!"
We look up at Colossus, who looks disappointed at Deadpool for not having figured out that this isn't working out in his favor. "This is embarrassing." Deadpool groans as he attempts to stand. "Please, stay down." Deadpool, however, throws caution to the wind, and miraculously manages to get back on his feet... or rather, his foot, which he begins hopping up and down on.
"You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?" Deadpool asked Colossus.
"Do you have off switch?" Colossus asked.
"Yeah, it's right next to the prostate," Deadpool answered. "Or is that the on switch?"
"Enough!" Colossus backhands Deadpool, sending him flying into a car's windshield, as NTW watches on in amusement. Deadpool groans in agony as he rolls onto the ground, writhing in pain. Colossus walks up to him and handcuffs Deadpool to his own wrist. "Let us go talk to the Professor."
"Coe or Kane? This timeline is so confusing." Colossus drags him across the ground towards the X-Jet as NTW gets off the hood of the car and Deadpool groans in pain. "'Dead or alive, you're coming with me'!"
"You will recover, Archer," Colossus said. "You always do."
Deadpool resets his wrist then immediately pulls a knife out of his ankle holster. Brandishing the knife, he turns towards the audience. "You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert." Deadpool begins sawing his wrist as Colossus and NTW prepare the X-Jet for takeoff. Upon hearing the sawing sound, NTW looks and sees what Deadpool is doing.
"Oh, my God," NTW says, disgusted by what she's witnessing. "Nasty."
As Deadpool continues to saw through his bones and muscle, blood sprays onto Colossus's metal face, causing him to retch. "Oh, there's the money shot, baby. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." With one final thrust, he detaches his wrist from the rest of his body. Deadpool flips off the overpass, landing the back off a passing garbage truck.
Colossus looks towards Deadpool's severed hand, which he discovers is giving him the middle finger, much to Colossus's vexation.
We return to Deadpool, who's currently wallowing in his self-pity located somewhere in the trash, as he begins contemplating the life choices. While he's doing this, he begins speaking through voiceover.
"Rock, meet bottom. And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision."