In daylight, Lana walks down a rainy street with an umbrella as indistinct chatter fills the busy intersection. With his hood, Archer watches her from across the street, thunder rumbling in the background. He starts to follow her, trailing at a distance. As he crosses the street, he sees a woman tending to a baby staring open mouthed as Archer walks past, clearly disgusted by his outward appearance. More people look at him, all of them with the same expression written on their faces. Archer stops, his eyes shift around as Lana stops to buy something at a stall. He squeezes his eyes shut in anguish before continuing forward. A couple who passes by him look at him openly.
"God, he's so fucking gnarly," the male says.
Everywhere he looks people stare at him, dishing out comments that pertain towards his appearance.
"Freak," one person says.
"Look at his face," another person says.
"Oh, poor guy," a third person says.
Soon, the chatter envelopes into one being of insults and sympathy. Archer shuts his eyes and breathes heavily before looking at Lana. She enters a building, and Archer's reflection appears in the glass door as it closes behind her. Frowning, he walks off.
Now, in an empty Sister Jessica's, he keeps his hooded head low. Krieger sits at a table nearby with a bottle of whisky and a few shot glasses, acting as Archer's confidant.
"No way," he said, despairingly. "I'm not making her life as ugly as mine."
"Come on, Archer, it can't be that bad," Krieger said, trying to alleviate Archer's worries.
"Bullshit, Krieger!" Archer said, standing up angrily. "I'm a monster inside and out. I belong in a fucking circus."
"Archer, Lana loves you. She doesn't care what you…" Archer removes his hood to show Krieger his horribly scarred face. "Oh! Oh."
"Do you like what you see?" Archer asked.
"Yes, very much so," Harold said, bluntly, gaining a glare from Archer. "Lana, on the other hand, not so much. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado."
"Yeah," Archer agreed.
"Not gently," Krieger continued. "Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence."
"And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug is the Black shitstick who ran the mutant factory. And he's gone. Poof!"
"Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this because as of now, you only have one course of action."
"Damn straight." In unison with Krieger. "Find Keith."
In unison with Archer. "Star in horror films."
"What?" Archer asked, confused.
"Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah." Archer sits down across from Krieger as Krieger takes a shot of whiskey.
"Here's what I'm actually gonna do. I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Keith, force him to fix this, then put a bullet in his skull, and fuck the brain hole."
"Now I would pay good money to see that or think of it, again. But the douchebag does think you're dead, right?"
"Yeah," Archer answered.
"That's good," Krieger replied. "You should keep it that way."
"What, like, wear a mask?"
"Eh, I mean, whatever floats your boat." Archer looks surprised by Krieger's bluntness, mainly because of how nonchalant Krieger is in regards to his appearance. "Though, just in case, maybe it would be a safe bet. Your face is the stuff of nightmares."
"Like a testicle with teeth." Archer said.
"Yeah, you'll probably die alone." Krieger proceeds to pour himself another shot. "I mean if you could die. Ideally, for others' sake."
"That'll do," Archer said, having had enough of Krieger's rambling.
"All you need now is a suit and a nickname like Freaky Bigtime, or the Tennessee Tuxedo, Randy Magnum." He's about to down his shot when a discouraging thought comes across his mind. "Goddammit."
"What?"
"I put all my money on you and now… I just realized I'm never gonna win the, uh…"
"Dead pool." Archer stares up at the chalkboard suspended above the bar as the words 'Dead pool' illuminate, signifying Archer has just found the perfect moniker. "Captain Deadpool..." Krieger's eyes shift, allowing for Archer to surmise that the name doesn't work. "No, just..." In unison with Krieger. "Just Deadpool, yeah."
In unison with Archer. "Just Deadpool."
"To you, Mr. Pool," Krieger says, raising his shot too Archer, with Archer following in suite. "Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise." They clink shot glasses.
Elsewhere, Archer makes himself a mask out of white cloth and sunglasses as Teamheadkick's 'Deadpool Rap' plays in the background. After creating an entire wardrobe out of white clothing, Archer spins around in his chair and observes himself in the mirror, satisfied with the end result. On his wall is a board with several maps and drawings. Several arrows point to Ajax, who's photograph is located at the very top of the whole thing. He ties a piece of thread to two pushpins that point from Ajax to one of his goons. Satisfied, Archer turns towards the audience, a big grin present on his face. "This shit's gonna have nuts in it."
Archer, concealed in his attire, slams a man's head down onto a pinball machine. "Where's Keith?" he asks as he continually beats the guy to death.
Another goon attacks him from behind with a pool cue, which breaks upon impact. The guy attempts to use the broken stick on Archer, but Archer knocks it out of his hand before smashing a beer bottle across his face, disorienting the goon. He then grabs the goon's discarded pool cue, and stabs him through the chest, killing him instantly.
Another man walks up and shoots him from behind before running out of bullets. Archer drops the dead goon as blood spots spread on his sweatshirt and slowly turns towards his shooter. "Where's your boss?" He spins the pool cue as the terrified man runs in the opposite direction.
Back home, Archer throws a knife the shooter's photograph, signifying that Archer terminated his target. He exhales before looking down at his hoody and realizes the obvious: It's ruined.
At a laundromat, Archer holds his blood-soaked hoody and tries to remove the red from his clothing. A older woman in dark sunglasses loads a machine near him. "Seltzer water and lemon for blood," she said, gaining Archer's attention. "Or wear red." she said, pointing out the obvious solution to Archer's predicament. "Dumbass."
Archer, realizing she has a point, mulls this over for a moment.
Later that evening, we see Archer sewing a primitive version of his Deadpool costume.
Wearing it, he pushes through the crowd at a boxing match, knocking people over or throwing them off to the side. Upon reaching his intended target, Deadpool draws his sword as one of Ajax's goons takes out his gun. Deadpool stabs him in the hand, causing him to scream out in agony. He then punches the goon across the face before grabbing his gun and firing two warning shots, signaling for all innocent bystanders to leave the premises immediately. "Don't make me ask twice," he begins, as he removes his sword from its post, causing the goon to fall to the ground, writhing in pain. He looks up and sees Archer holding a gun at his forehead. Archer continues speaking, but his voice is muffled by the mask. "Where… is Keith?"
At home, we see Deadpool shove a screwdriver into the photo of the man from the boxing arena, less than thrilled by the circumstances pertaining towards the man's demise. "He made me ask twice." he said displeased. He removes his mask and turns towards the audience. "Is the mask muffling my voice?"
He sews his costume with heavier material and sword sheathes. He loads up his gun, readying himself to take on Ajax's infinite goon squad.
In an underground warehouse, several men attempt to ascend the stairs, attempting to escape Deadpool's wrath. Unfortunately, Deadpool slides down the railing and begins shooting them one-by-one. "Where's Keith?" he asked. However, he doesn't give any of the goons time to answer before shooting them all dead.
Now in an office, he throws a man on Ajax's payroll across a table, sending several files and documents flying. "Where the fuck is Keith?" he asked, leaping over the table to come to the mook's location, kneeing him in the face while an innocent bystander casually watches in the background.
Deadpool continues to fight and kill more thugs in a corridor. One man attempts to head him over the head with a rebar, but Deadpool stabs him before he gets the chance to attack.
At home, Duncan sends a knife into the man's photograph.
Now in a hockey rink, a bleeding man crawls away from a Zamboni currently being driven by Deadpool, who's laughing in merriment at this hilarious killing method. "You're about to be killed by a Zamboni."
Now in a storage facility, we see Deadpool launch a woman into a stack of boxes. "Where's Keith?" he yells out.
The woman whimpers as she falls to the floor. "No! Please!" the female begged for her life.
"Oh, God! I'm so sorry!" Deadpool said, believing he severely hurt her. However, another female, who we assume to be the girl's twin, jumps on him from behind. "Oh! You little spider monkey." He throws off and over the side of a stack of boxes.
Elsewhere, Deadpool exits a bathroom stall, a piece of toilet paper stuck to his foot. The toilet is heard flushing, and we look up to see a dead man sitting on the toilet, having been caught with his pants down... literally. A bullet hole is located under his chin as a large quantity of blood splatters the back wall, indicating that it used to be his brain.
Back at the bank, Deadpool slams the man on Ajax's payroll's head into a safe as the bystander watches idly by. "Where... is... Keith?" He closes the safe in on the man's head, crushing his skull.
At home, Archer shoves a screwdriver through the photograph of the man from the office, who has devil horns and a mustache drawn on his person in red marker.
Back at the storage facility, Deadpool finds himself torn. "This is confusing. Is it sexist to hit you? Is it more sexist to not hit you?" He unholsters his gun as he's talking. "I mean, the line gets real... blurry." He cocks his gun and aims it at one of the girls as she pleads with him.
Back in the corridor, Deadpool continues attacking the thugs before asking them the same question, except this time, in Spanish. "¿Dónde está Keith?"
Back at the hockey rink, the bloody man is still crawling away from the Zamboni.
"Tell me where you fucking boss is or you're gonna die!" Deadpool yelled out to him. We change positions to discover Deadpool is still a ways away, as the Zamboni slowly approaches the crawling man. "In five minutes!"
At home, Deadpool shoves a screwdriver through a sticky note doodle of the goon labeled, 'Zamboni Guy'. All throughout the board, knifes and screwdrivers are shoved into photographs of everyone even remotely connected to Ajax, showing just how busy Deadpool has been in the last few weeks, with only the Ajax and the Recruiter photographs remaining untouched.
In a makeshift medical facility, the Recruiter hands a black card to a sick man.
"Don't hesitate to call me," the Recruiter whispers before standing and leaving.
As he leaves, the Recruiter writes in a notebook. Two burly bodyguards proceed to escort him through a warehouse. As they round a corner, we find Deadpool lounging on pallets stacked with white bags.
"Nice to see you, Rodney," Deadpool says from up top. The Recruiter and his bodyguards turn around, unclear as to the origin of this voice. "I'll take the footlong…" They look upwards and see and the Merc with a Mouth, eyeing this menacingly. "Fully loaded." He makes a sexual hand gesture towards the Recruiter. Fearing for his life, the Recruiter flees. As he flips off the pallets, the bodyguards unholster their guns and aim them at Deadpool. However, as he comes in between them, one of the bodyguards accidentally shots the other one. Deadpool then proceeds to stab the remaining bodyguard through the heart before jumping on it, slicing through man's body. As the bodyguard falls dead, Deadpool grabs his sword and races after the Recruiter.
Outside, the Recruiter pants heavily as he runs, trying to escape Deadpool's wrath, momentarily looking behind him to make sure he's not following him. He shoves a man out of the way as he continues on the path in front of him. However, it doesn't last long, as Deadpool appears from an open doorway and shoves the fleeing Recruiter into a car, breaking the glass and sending the man to the ground. He picks him up and holds him against as several onlookers witness the event unfolding.
"Whoa, whoa!" the Recruiter pleads, holding his hands up in surrender.
"41 confirmed kills," Deadpool said. "Now it's 89. About to be 90."
The Recruiter connects the dots in regards to the mercenary's identity. "Mr. Archer?" he asked, amazed by this revelation.
"Ding-ding," Deadpool said.
"You're looking very alive," the Recruiter said, worriedly.
"Ha!" Deadpool falsely humors the guy's statement. "Only on the outside!"
"This is not going to end well for me, is it?" the Recruiter asked, already having a pretty good idea as to where this is going.
"This is not gonna end well for you, no." Deadpool shakes his head. "Where's your boss?"
"I can tell you exactly…" the Recruiter begins before Deadpool places his finger over the guy's mouth, shushing him mockingly.
"Oh, you'll tell me. But first…" He grabs the camera and turns it away, speaking to the audience while he does so. "You might wanna look away for this." He turns to camera to the group of gathering onlookers. "Now this little piggy went…" We hear something crack offscreen followed shortly by the Recruiter's screams. We're given no indication as to what Deadpool broke... all we know was that it was disturbing and horrifying for the onlookers who witnessed such an event.
At home, Archer shoves a knife into the Recruiter's photograph. "Thank you, Agent Smith," he says, as he turns his attention towards Ajax's photograph, pleased at having learned his location before eliminating the Recruiter the game.
In daylight, Deadpool jogs after a taxi, which pulls up right outside his home.
"Taxi!" he yells out.
The taxi comes to a stop, and we see the driver is Farooq. "Hop in!" Farooq said. "It's a great day for a ride."
Deadpool gets into the back of Farooq's cab, which is filled with the sounds of Balochi music playing on the radio. As he grabs the door handle, he turns and faces the audience. "And we all know how this turned out."
We fast forward past the events that occurred on the bridge to... Archer jacking off to a stuffed unicorn? "Whoops!" He says through voiceover. "You weren't meant to see that."
We backtrack to the moment on the bridge where Deadpool flips off the overpass into the back of a garbage truck, leaving Colossus with his severed hand.
As Deadpool continues to wallow in his self-pity, he lifts his head up and looks up towards the audience. "There. All caught up," he comments before lying back amongst the waste, including plastic bags and old food, alongside his dignity buried somewhere amongst the trash.