In darkness, a sliver of light appears from a crack in concrete above. Colossus lifts up the slab among the piled wreckage. Negasonic Teenage Warhead climbs down to open the cracked cover of the chamber for Lana. Lana eyes them uncertainly, but allows them to help her out of the chamber.
"Thanks," she says, slowly rising from the chamber
"Just take it slow," Colossus said, consoling her. Lana stands, closing her eyes and leaning forward while Colossus drops the concrete slab.
"Yoo-hoo!" Deadpool yells out, standing high in the wreckage. Everyone cranes their necks to look towards him, completely unharmed. "Oh, my God! That was so..." Ajax tackles Deadpool and they tumble down broken concrete and steel.
As they finally land on the ground, Ajax, bloodied and battered, rolls to his knees but Deadpool knocks him onto his back. Deadpool sits on top of him and punches his face. Ajax attempts to push him away, but Deadpool twists his arm before breaking it. Ajax reaches up with his other, but the Merc with a Mouth pulls is hand away and continues punching him until he stops struggling. Deadpool exhales heavily as Keith laughs in merriment. "There are no words!" Deadpool told him, irate. "Me and you are headed to fix this."
"What?" Conway asked, confused. That's when he remembers what he told Deadpool and begins chuckling. "You stupid fucking idiot. Did you really think there was a cure… for that?"
"What?" Deadpool asked, incredulous.
"You heard me," Keith said.
"No. No!" Archer breathes heavily in rage as Keith continues laughing and coughing, showing off a bloody grin. "So, you mean to say, after all this, you can't fix me?"
"It sounds even stupider when you say it."
"Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?" Deadpool points Malory's .45 caliber pistol at Keith's head. "Any last words?"
Conway, resigning to his fate, presses his forehead against the barrel. "What's my name?"
Deadpool cocks the gun. "Who fucking cares?" He's about to fire when Colossus calls out to him.
"Archer!" Deadpool lifts his looking up towards Colossus. "Four or five moments."
"I'm sorry?" Deadpool said, confused
"Four or five moments, that's all it takes."
"To…?" Deadpool implies he needs more elaboration, still not understanding where Colossus is going with this.
"Be a hero." Colossus answered. Keith groans, laying his head down on the ground, knowing he'll have to sit through a boring monologue. "Everyone thinks it's a full-time job. Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you're offered a choice. To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend… spare an enemy." Deadpool looks down at Keith, believing that Colossus is referring to this moment as being one of those moments. However, Keith is clearly unimpressed by Colossus's words of wisdom, which he continues to drone on about. "In these moments, everything else falls away. The way the world sees us. The way we…" Deadpool doesn't give Colossus time to finish as he ends Keith's drawn-out suffering by putting a bullet though his skull. Colossus throws up metal vomit. "Why?" he asked, before vomiting some more.
"You were droning on," Deadpool answered, with NTW looking on in the background. "Sure, I may be stuck looking like pepperoni flatbread, but at least fuckface won't heal from that." He throws the gun away and gets to his feet. If wearing superhero tights means sparing psychopaths, then maybe I wasn't meant to wear 'em. Not everyone monitors a hall like you."
"Just promise…"
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be on the lookout for the next four moments." He looks behind him and sees Lana approaching ferociously. "Oh, shit," he whispers under his breath. He turns back to face Colossus, speaking to him in a normal tone. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just a boy, about to stand in front of a girl… and tell her…" Speaking to Colossus in a shrill, secretive voice. "What the fuck am I gonna tell her?"
"Well, hmmm, you'd better figure it out." He and NTW walks off as Deadpool turns to face Lana, who looks beyond furious.
"I can't even tell you…" Lana punches him in the face before he can continue. "I deserved that." Lana punches him in the face again. "That, too." She's about to kick him in the groin but he manages to cover himself up in time. "No, no, no, maybe not the nethers."
"Start talking!" Lana says, tears in her eyes.
Deadpool looks at her in regret. "I'm sorry," he says after a moment. "I'm so sorry." He begins to stutter as he speaks, attempting to find the right words. "For everything, I'm for sorry leaving… I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner. It's been a rough couple of years."
"Rough?" Lana asked, nonplussed. She backs away, shifting as she watches him stare as her from behind his mask.
"I live in a crack house. With a family of 12. Every night we spoon for warmth. Everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest. There's nothing that we don't share. Floor space, dental floss, even condoms." Deadpool lies in an attempt to get Lana to sympathize with him rather than be angry.
Smoke wafts gently from the wreckage, and Lana keeps her eyes fixated on the ground, clearly showcase that she sees through Deadpool's charade. "So, you live in a house?" Lana asked. She glances up at Deadpool, who stares back and steps toward her. She regards him through glassy eyes.
"I should have come and found you sooner," he tells her. "But, baby, the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember."
"You mean this mask?" Lana touches the mask and Deadpool flinches away. Slowly, she slides her hands around to the back of the mask. She peels it off then stares at him quizzically. Underneath, he wears a paper mask of Ryan Reynolds's face with the eyes cut out.
"And this one. In case the other fell off," Archer explained. Lana shakes her head playfully then reaches for the mask, which is stapled to Archer's forehead and chin. "All right. Yeah, just..." She attempts to remove, causing Archer a great deal of pain. "Ow. Like a band-aid, just give it a..." She rips the paper of the staple, much to Archer's displeasure. "Owdie 2,009." She's reaches towards the staple on his forehead when Archer stops her. "Wait, wait, wait..." She stops and looks at him. "Are you sure?"
Lana nods. "I'm sure." Lana removes the mask. Behind it, Archer's downcast eyes move to hers. Openmouthed, she takes a small step back. "Wow." she exclaims.
"Yeah," Archer said, having anticipated this reaction. He averts his eyes and Lana studies his disfigured face.
"Hey." She pulls a staple out of his chin. "After a brief adjustment period, and a bunch of drinks... it's a face..." He looks at her hopefully and she touches his cheek. "I'd be happy to sit on." She holds up her pinky and he loops his around it as he steps closer to admire her.
"I'm not the same underneath this suit, either," he says. "No. Super-penis." Lana chuckles at this.
"Come on, Archer. Language," Cyril said to him, to which we discover they've been watching the entire event unfold before their eyes, with Gwen having a look of disgust upon her face. "Young one is present."
Archer turns to them, clearly annoyed at their presence. "What are you still doing? Get out of here. Go make yourself useful!" He points towards Colossus. "You, go be a really big brother to someone. Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn." He points towards Cheryl. "And you, Neck Bones… Nothing compares to you. Sinéad O'Connor, 1990. Sorry."
"That's all right," she said. "You're cool."
Archer gasps in shock. "What in the ass? That was not mean. I'm proud of you!"
"We will make an X-Man out of you yet, Archer," Cyril said, as he and Cheryl began to leave.
"For a second there, it felt like we were three min-lion robots coming together to form one super robot."
"What?" Cheryl asked.
"Typical," Archer said as they walk away, leaving Archer and Lana to their internal affairs. Once they're gone, Archer and Lana get back to business.
"And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for." Archer and Lana kissing deeply and wrap their arms around each other. Just then, the mood is broken when rock music begins to play in the background. He holds up his phone, which is revealed to be playing 'Danger Zone' by Kenny Loggins, causing Lana to laugh. "Kenny Loggins. As promised." Lana beams at him, and their lips meet again.
The view pulls away from the kissing couple standing under the debris of the toppled aircraft carrier as Deadpool proceeds to give off one final voiceover. "See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you. Now, let's finish this epic wide shot. Pull out. There we go, that looks nice. That's gonna be about the only thing that's pulling out tonight. Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh? 'Til next time, this is your friendly neighborhood pool guy singin'... 'Gonna take it right into the Danger Zone Highway to the Danger Zone Ride into the Danger Zone."