5. The Edge Of Forever

No sooner had the Away Team returned to the ship than Shizuru turned to Doctor McCoy, "Doctor, please have Doctor M'Benga examine you. You were subjected to an unprecedented dose of cordrazine and I want to ensure that there is no lasting or permanent damage."

"Yes, Captain," McCoy said tiredly.

"I will be in my quarters," Shizuru said, "I am not to be disturbed unless it is an emergency."

Natsuki spoke up, "Captain…?"

"I need a little time, Natsuki," Shizuru's voice was hushed.

Natsuki paused, then nodded, "Alright."

Shizuru made her way to her quarters, waiting for the doors to hiss shut behind her. She fell back against them, and felt the hot tears run down her cheeks as she slid to the floor. Loud sobs wracked her body. She almost didn't hear the chime at her door.

"I said I did not wish to be disturbed," Shizuru attempted to collect herself. The door only chimed again in response. Shizuru sighed, standing and smoothing out her uniform. She opened the door, and was immediately knocked onto her posterior by a large hairy shape. Then a long pink tongue slobbered all over her face. She heard Natsuki's voice speaking in Vulcan to the large sehlat that now sat atop her, and Shizuru had spent enough time with her XO to know that it meant, "Let her hug you as tight as she can, Duran."

Natsuki, meanwhile, closed the door and went over, sitting on the edge of Shizuru's bed.

"Vulcans are the ones who are supposed to deny their emotions, Shizuru," Natsuki sighed, "But I've seen so many humans do so without cause. However, I've also observed that being able to cling to soft, cute animals provides an outlet. So, let it out."

Shizuru couldn't help but smile, despite herself, at Natsuki's description of Duran, who had six inch fangs protruding from his jaw, as "cute". She gave the sehlat a squeeze, extricating herself from under his paws.

"Natsuki," Shizuru closed her eyes, casting her face downward, "I need to beg your forgiveness. I…I loved her, Natsuki. Oh, it never would have gone anywhere, I could tell. She wouldn't have been repelled by my love, but I could tell she couldn't return it, either. But, I loved her and I feel I betrayed you."

Natsuki sighed, "And we had to let her die to restore our proper timeline. I get it, Shizuru. I do. And for the record, I knew, already, that you were in love with her. I could see it. I could even see why. Edith was…a remarkable woman. She had the right ideas. But she had them at the wrong time in human history. It was hard, having to tell you what I uncovered on the recordings from the tricorder. And, as you say, it couldn't have gone anywhere. I think she suspected about us, but she never showed any concern or disgust, as would have been common for that time period. But neither did she show any interest. Edith appealed to you because she was kind. I have to say…she appealed to me for the same reason."

Shizuru scoffed, "How can you be so forgiving, Natsuki?"

Natsuki gave a wry smile, "Who was it who forgave me for making a fool of myself on Omicron Ceti III? A faceful of alien spores and I'm fawning like a schoolgirl over an old crush."

"I was more surprised that Natsuki's crush was Sandoval and not that cute blonde, Kalomi was her name? Yes, Kalomi," Shizuru gave Natsuki a smirk.

"Aha," Natsuki smirked, "So, you DO have a thing for blondes. I'd better watch you around that new Yeoman, I suppose."

Shizuru looked affronted, "Are you still going on about that transporter malfunction dividing me the way that it did?"

"I still have the hickeys to remember that occasion," Natsuki chuckled, then reached out her hand, her first two fingers extended, and Shizuru returned the gesture, completing the Vulcan gesture of affection, "My point is, Shizuru, we've each had occasions to rouse each other to jealousy, but we understand each other, and we know where we're going to be at the end of the day."

Shizuru smiled at her, "Natsuki is kindly, herself. Natsuki, if I resigned my commission…"

"You won't," Natsuki said, "You love being on this ship too much. Yeah, the incident with Edith Keeler hurt, and it hurt me to see it, too. I wish the Guardian would have let us bring her to this place with us. But in the end, history recorded that she died in that car accident, and history had to have its way. But one bad incident doesn't take away from the wonder, the beauty, and the fun we've had in our trek through the stars."

Shizuru nodded sadly, "No. But it does still hurt, knowing we had to make such a sacrifice."

"Let's go see if Bones has checked out," Natsuki said, "I'm sure that M'Benga is done examining him at this point. Then you, me, and the Doctor can toast the late Edith Keeler, and reflect on the unfairness of history and time."

Shizuru nodded, "I think I'd like that. How is it that you always stay so grounded, Natsuki?"

"Me? I don't have much choice. My Vulcan blood constantly tries to stifle my emotions. I have to actually put in effort to bring them to the surface. The end result is what you see here before you, someone who isn't quite the stoic, but isn't exactly a fountain of charm or cheer. If I seem grounded, it's because that's where I end up in the grand scheme of things."

"I'm sorry," Shizuru sighed.

"No need to be. Because when I'm with you, I've felt things more deeply and completely than I ever have. C'mon, let's go find the Doctor. And I have to return Duran to my quarters. It's almost his feeding time."

Shizuru looked warily at the sehlat, "Yes, indeed. That should be our first priority. No eating crew on the way to your room, Duran."

Natsuki managed a chuckle, "I'm sure he's more concerned that you're going to devour me."

"Natsuki, ikezu."