Chapter 9

Rin made soothing circles on his back as he heaved. Yuuki thought that sometimes Rin was just too kind—he certainly wouldn't accompany the person he didn't know that well for something so unpleasant. In fact, he wouldn't want to witness, smell or hear anyone's bodily discharge in any form or shape at all.

Liquid's leaking — he is leaving.

Though selfishly Yuuki really appreciated her company at that moment. The hand of his back was warm and sure. Grounding. He relished this feeling.

"Are you feeling better now?" Rin asked not expecting to hear the answer. The bottle of water appeared in the corner of his vision that was blurred by his tears.

"A bit. Could you please pour some water in my hands?" For a moment Rin stilled but then did as he asked. Yuuki filled his cheeks with water from the cusp of his hands, gurgled and spit it out on the ground, the sour taste still stayed. He used the the rest of the water to wash his face, in process wetting his long bangs that were framing his face.

"Thank you," he said quietly, his throat hoarse. "I suppose I wasn't coping as good as I thought I would," he chuckled softly, internally wincing from how hollow that sounded. Yuuki took an offered bottle and finally drank water, feeling a cold relief down his throat. "I think… I am fine now," Yuuki said with wide strained smile on his face, his eyes turning into crescents.

Rin looked at him with concern. Yuuki was pale as a death; his trembling hands that were hidden behind his back didn't escape her notice. "I noticed that you were being a bit too quiet back there," she said tentatively.

"You know, to perfect medical ninjutsu I need to practice on living creatures, so I would be able to do the same on humans in the future. Starting from the fish and moving on to the bigger, more complex creatures." Yuuki listened carefully to her story.

Rin stared in the distance."The first time I killed a living creature —it was assignment from hospital. I needed to keep the fish alive for at least a minute outside of water. I was so flustered and scared, while the fish was trashing, and it just seemed in so much pain because of me, that in a hurry I accidentally put too much chakra when I tried to help it…"

She took a deep breath and continued, "the fish, just, emnn, sort of— blew up, in my face. After that, I couldn't even look at any fish for, at least a month… I even thought about quitting altogether." He wondered why she didn't, unlike him she had a choice. She let out a sigh and nervously tucked the strand of her hair behind her ear. "So, what I am, trying to say is, mmn— your reaction is perfectly normal."

His reaction was normal? He was normal? Yuuki tilted his head in confusion— he didn't think it was the case. Yuuki eyes became vacant for a moment. Was it normal to forget who you are? Honestly, he still didn't know who he is. No. Stop. He was spiralling again. Happy thoughts. Puppies! Let's think about puppies. Puppies are cute.

The rabbit was also cute. Yuuki anxiously grabbed the corner of Rin's sleeve and breathed a sigh of relief. He felt like he was a kite who was finally tied down to the ground. Anchored.

In regard to this situation and Rin's understanding of him it would indeed seem that way. Rin was a nice person. To go out of her way and console him just because he seemed a little off was indication of that. She reminded him of Haruka. Natural caring disposition was like second nature to her. Soft voice, kind words. Calming presence.

The sky-blue eyes met the soothing honey of embers. The light surfaced from the depths of azure pools. The warmth filled his chest— it was difficult not to feel touched. Such an insignificant thing, but how much it affected him, how much it meant to him. For the first time in weeks Yuuki genuinely smiled. It was a small sort of smile, not exaggeratedly wide like the previous one— just a slight tilt to the curve of his lips. And he seemed like a different person.

Previously the first thing you noticed about Yuuki were the dark circles under his eyes and the paleness - almost transparency of his skin. The second was his demeanour, his presence. He exuded this sort of inexplicable stillnessabout himself. It felt like even the world revolved just a little bit— slower around him. Even most of the rowdiest students would have to slow down as long as they entered his orbit. It felt offensive otherwise —almost sacrilegious.

Serene composure. Infinite patience. His movements unhurried and graceful. Fluid like ever changing waters. However, Yuuki wasn't slow. He would leave at the same time as other students, who would carelessly stuff their belongings in their bags and knock down the chairs in their hurry to leave.

This absence of excessive movements —the continuous flow from one motion to another — made him stand out among the others. Most students in their class were loud and brash, always ending up in brawls and playful bunter. Inuzukas, for example, were more like animals than humans. On a good day. The words — graceful, polite and mature weren't even in their dictionary.

This clean stream of stillness among the liveliness of their classroom's pool —felt out of place. Yuuki simply didn't fit it. If Rin had to choose her words, he seemed almost— otherworldly.

So, colour her surprised when the usually composed boy finally lost his cool. The only reason why she noticed something was wrong with him was because instead of giving polite, gentle and somewhat distant answers like he always did— he was just quiet, too quiet. He had a tendency to be absentminded, and it is not like he was chatterbox before, but his quietness was just wrong. It felt wrong. He felt wrong.

Rin remembered how everyone was crying and freaking out during and after the rabbit. She herself even after her rather substantial experiences in these matters- felt uncomfortable. Yuuki sat unmoving, the blood splashed on his face, hands stretched forward, in one - he held a decapitated head of the rabbit, in another – the rest of the severed body. His gaze focused on dripping blood as it was gathering in a small pool beneath his feet. She offered him a piece of cloth to wipe the blood off his face, his hands, the toes of his open sandals. He didn't move. She did it herself. She offered him comforting hand on his shoulder. He didn't react. She offered him the words of concern. He didn't answer. She was scared.

Rin remembered her father explaining what mental shock was. She thought it must be it. Rin carefully took the rabbit out of his hands, wiped off all blood from his body, gently placed her hands on his and helped him get up. After that he was like a moving doll — he would move and finish his tasks, but he wouldn't say anything, he wouldn't talk. His eyes were glazed like he was with them, but not with them. In truth, it was rather eerie. In truth, Rin thought it was the most serious 'wound' she had seen in her career as a medic, and she didn't know how to heal it, how to help. She was medic, she was classmate, she was friend, and she didn't know what to do. She looked at her sensei- their sensei, the one who should teach, guide and protect them- the one who was busy with other forty-eight students and she… —she didn't dare to ask for help. Yuuki deserved better.

Rin had seen him absentminded. Rin had seen him unresponsive. Rin had never seen him so animated. So spirited. Right now, the first and the only thing you would notice about Yuuki —were his eyes. They held so much emotion, so much warmth. Depending on the light his eyes changed colour. Sometimes it was sky blue, sometimes steely grey, sometimes they were like turbulent waters of the ocean. No matter how you looked or called them — they always gave off the feeling of the distance, the feeling of cold. Rin never knew blue eyes could held so much warmth. It felt as if the whole world was nonexistent in his eyes, his shining blue orbs reflected only her, contained only her, held only her. So, that's how it felt to be seen. So fully. So completely. So perfectly.

It was a wonderful feeling.

For the first time Rin felt like Yuuki had actually seen her.

For the first time Rin felt like she had actually seen Yuuki. As he is. As a child, who was two years younger than her. Not that otherworldly being, whom you didn't dare touch, didn't dare disturb. But as a child he is.

Yuuki tugged at the sleeve of the girl in front of him feeling extremely vulnerable. He was still sitting crouching down on the ground hugging his knees. Her hair was darker than Haruka's, her eyes lighter than hers. She had all the wrong colouring and features. She wasn't Haruka. She wasn't his sister. But she was his friend. But her essence felt the same. "Rin, can you, do me a favour…?" His voice was soft, almost inaudible. Rin had to bow down and strain her ears to hear what he said. Yuuki wanted to ask something selfish. Something imposing for their relationship. Something he didn't dare ask from Yagura because he was too afraid to hear rejection after that day.

'Finally. There was something she could do.' "Of course," Rin said a bit too excitedly.

The light blush spread across his cheekbones. "Can you, give me… a hug?" Yuuki asked hesitantly, gaze fixed on the ground as he was too shy to ask about it. After not hearing an answer, he blushed even harder and let go of her sleeve. "You don't have to if you don't wan-"

"Sure." Yuuki was so surprised that he looked up. Rin's eyes were gentle, warm. Understanding. He glanced down. Yuuki heard the soft sound of moving fabric as Rin crouched down and put her hands behind his back, tucking his head in the crook of her neck. So very carefully. Like he was fragile flower that could shatter. Like it was something she treasured. Like he was something she treasured.

Warm, Yuuki thought.

With some hesitation he slowly wrapped his arms around her waist. So very lightly. Like he was afraid - it was an illusion, that would shatter if he hugged her too tightly. Like it was something he treasured. Like it was something he needed. Like it more important than the air he breathed in.

Two pair of ears popped out on the head of too trusting rabbit.

Suddenly they heard footsteps coming towards them and stilled their bodies. From behind the tree came Genma, who stared at them in disbelief, and Obito, who glared at Yuuki with confused expression. Like he was displeased but he didn't understand the reason for why he was displeased.

"We had been searching for you for twenty minutes, while you were flirting here in the bushes?" Genma looked at them with deadpan expression. "We are not-" "That's not it!" Two voices said at the same time.

"Common, we are already behind others. Everyone is already setting up the tent." Genma grabbed their hands, and they ran together towards the clearing.

Reika- the last member of their team was unzipping the bags with two tents- one for girls, one for boys.

They choose a good clearing — the ground was levelled and flat. The wind was uphill, and the sun was blocked by the trees. They wouldn't get cooked alive by smouldering heat.

The first purpose of this trip was 'weeding'. Those who couldn't do even that much - had no place in Academy. That's why it happened so early on in their student year, it was better to sort out students first, after they gave maximum conditioning in those two weeks. If they couldn't do it now — they wouldn't be able to do it in the future. There was no reason to waste time and resources on them.

The second one was to teach them survival skills and show simulation of travelling during missions. Sensei taught them a lot— how to figure out the time based on position of the sun and shadows, where it was better to rest, how to choose clearing with and without tent, how to dig latrine and how to erase their traces.

There were ten groups, five people each. All ten groups scattered around one big field. Sensei took the central position. It looked like barrack settlement on the battlefield.

"Obito! Remove all sticks and pines here!" Reika Yubita- the oldest student in their class- naturally took command of things. It seemed like she was over her outburst.

"Rin-chan and Genma-chan, fold both the tarp and lay down it here and here." She pointed at two places. Genma rolled his eyes at her commanding but still complied.

"Yuuki-chan! You come here and help me!" Yuuki-chan? Were they that familiar with each other? She shouted as she was going through some metal things in the bag. "Find the main stakes first."

'Stakes? Main stakes? What are those?'

Reika took some of metal rods from the bag and started organising them according to their length. Yuuki sat down in front of the bag and started rummaging through them.

'As expected,' he thought to himself.

He didn't understand anything.

Reika grumbled to herself about how much time they have lost, how irresponsible they were. Yuuki swallowed the words that wanted to ask her for help.

There were just metal rods with stickers of different colour attached to them. There were small letters on them. R, L, U, D. He thought main ones could have a letter 'M' on sticker. There weren't.

Obito finished his task and was helping Genma and Rin. "Hold it here!" said Rin. There were carrying a big piece of plastic like cloth holding three corners of it. Yuuki glanced at other students, they were already finished. "Obito, turn right!" shouted Genma. "Obito! It is left! Turn to the other side!" They were almost finished.

As he observed them Reika stopped behind his back. "Hey! Why didn't you do anything?" Yuuki put together the rods with the same colour. It seemed to be incorrect decision. Obito, Rin and Genma were coming in their direction.

He asked awkwardly, "Emmn, what stakes are the main, Yubita-san?"

Reika stared at him speechlessly. "How can you not know it? Have you never went camping with your dad or something?" Yuuki's body stilled, he stopped breathing, his chest stopped raising. Suddenly he felt embarrassed and somewhat hurt. He was slowly closing in on himself. His relaxed expression and awkward shy demeanour disappeared. His eyes turned vacant for a second. "No," he answered hollowly.

"How can it be, datterayo! I asked Ari-chan, Ricci-chan and Momo-chan. All my friends have done it already. I also asked Rin-chan , Obito-chan and Genma-chan. They did too! Genma-chan even said that he lived in the forrest for two weeks. And others in the class too. How come… you haven't, datterayo? Is it because you are too young? Or is it because your dad is too busy?"

'His dad was indeed pretty busy. Went to buy cigarettes six years ago and still hasn't come back.'

Then why not with your mum? Or do you have siblings or cousins? I don't know if your grandpa or grandma would do it. Dad said it is too difficult for elderly…" She fired rapidly.

Reika fully showcased the ignorance that comes with her privileged civilian background. Someone who had both parents, who lived sheltered happy life couldn't possibly fathom that someone didn't have them. They assume based on their own life experiences, based on their own understanding of the world. Everyone did that. That was the norm. That was maddening. Considering the fact that they lived in Hidden Village and half of their class was an orphan or had only one parent— it went beyond just ignorance.

Both of them lived in the same Village, went to the same school, to the same class. But while Reika lives in easy mode, he survives in hell mode. Yuuki can't help but feel jealous and bitter.

Genma, Rin and Obito came closer to them. "Hey, guys! Yuuki-chan has never went camping. Can you believe it, datterayo?!" Yuuki really wanted her to shut up already. He would feel their gazes on his skin.

"I went with my mum and dad at least five times, datterayo! It was so much fun!" Reika said proudly.

"Is it so? That sounds wonderful, Yubito-san," Yuuki reacted politely as always to her blabbing. Indeed, how wonderful. Someone is doing it for fun, while Yuuki is doing it to survive.

With a sob she burst out in tears. "Not like this one at all! Waaaa!" Three boys stiffened from the sudden sound attack. Rin looked at her with alarm and concern.

Reika started loudly wailing. It seemed like she also wasn't talking this whole thing fine. "I didn't want to c-come to this- hick- stupid Academy, datterayo! I do-don't, want to be stupid k-k-kunoichi! S-stupid shinobi! I d-d-don't, wanna be here! I didn't want to hurt ra-rabbit. I wanna go home! I want to see my mum and dad! I don't wanna be here! I don't wanna be here! I don't wanna be here! Waahwaa!"

They were gathering attention from others. Sensei was nowhere to be seen. Yuuki didn't know if that was good or bad. They were judged individually and as a group.

For many students Academy was an honour, a valuable opportunity, their dream, their only way out. Reika was being extremely disrespectful.

"Then quit. Weakling like you is only disgrace to shinobi," Kakashi shot disdainful glare at Reika. Even Rin couldn't say a word of admonishment to Kakashi. They come from shinobi families. It is their way of life.

Reika started hiccuping, no matter how much she tried to wipe her tears they just kept coming. "I c-can't. Ma-my dad, hic- told me, they have prob-problems, with the s-shop. And ci-civilian Academy I-iss too, ex-expen-sive. And I must help t-them wh-whe-when I grow up. But I don't wanna! Waaaa!"

Yuuki felt like punctured balloon. All energy seeped out of him. Rin led Raiko towards the river to calm down. Under Genma's instructions the three of them set up the tent pretty fast.

Sensei inspected their handiwork, nodded his head and gathered all groups together. With the largest grin on his face, he told them to put the tent back in bag, because they are going to sleep on the ground. They were also going to keep night watch.

Yuuki didn't know whether sensei's mother was a bitch. But he certainly knew his sensei was son of one.