HAYMITCH

I have spent more than 20 years surrounded by silence and it has never bothered me, I somehow learned to find some comfort in it. Who would think that today I would find it deafening. Two weeks had passed since I saw Leila. The first few days I convinced myself it was for the best but I was only fooling myself, every time I thought of the girl, I felt a pang of guilt, I should never have yelled at her the way I did. After a week I decided to look for her and apologize but it was impossible, coincidence or not, Leila was never in the places she used to be. With shame and pain I realized that she was fulfilling my wish, disappearing from my life, which only added to my guilt.

Though I refused to admit it, I missed her constant presence. Our night conversations , teasing each other, her laughter, playing with her hair until she fell asleep...her soft kisses. But it didn't matter how I felt, I had messed up and maybe this was for the best, she was better off away from me.

In this short time, Peeta seemed to have progressed enough for the doctor to allow him every 2 or 3 days to eat in the dining hall with the rest of the people. The shrink thought that his integration with the people was necessary even if it was slow. Katniss, in her inexplicable logic, avoided going to the dining hall on those days or simply limited herself to gulp down the food so as not to have to spend too much time with him. I didn't understand what her damn problem was. I thought it once and confirmed it every time, dealing with teenagers was insufferably frustrating. For my part I tried to be there for him, maybe as support for him or Katniss, or maybe because I was secretly hoping to see her.

The preparations for Finnick and Annie's wedding were almost ready, by the end of the week the event would take place and by the following Monday all of Panem would witness this union thanks to the multiple propos plans that the communications team had planned. Peeta would be in charge of the cake, in about 3 days the doctor would give him the permission to join the cooking team and start making it. I wondered if Leila would be with him to help him. The idea made me laugh, if her baking skills hadn't improved, maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

I felt my communicuff vibrating. 'Command'. With a resigned sigh I headed there, these last days they only called me for useless meetings, everything revolved around the wedding, it seemed as if they had forgotten that outside these walls were the districts in need. The strangest thing of all was the inaction on the part of the Capitol; while still the riots between the two sides in district 2 continued, and Snow's political propaganda was being kept up all over the country, what was most impressive was that they had not returned our attack. Plutarch, Lyme and Boggs theorized that they were either holding whatever arsenal they had left to protect the capitol or they wanted the districts to wear each other down before replicating any attack. I didn't know why neither of these theories managed to convince me.

"Haymitch, you're finally here," Plutarch greeted me. "I was thinking that today's meeting could be held somewhere else."

"Where? And why?"

"Follow me and you'll see" he led me through a couple of corridors not far from where the main command office was "this place was set up to perform a propo, you know with Katniss. After the girl showed her talent we thought maybe we could get more out of her but in the end it wasn't necessary, she does better in the open field, right?" We entered a room 'decorated' very much in the capitol style. It pretended to be a living room with several beige armchairs, a glass table and a brown piano in one corner. While it gave an elegant appearance, it was evident that all the furnishings were quite old and dated. "ah! excellent, I see everyone is already here" Fulvia, Cressida, Messalla, Pollux, Castor and even Beetee were comfortably seated in the armchairs.

"President Coin is not joining us today?" I asked.

"no, at the moment she is meeting with the different district leaders, but she is already aware of what we will discuss today. I wanted to meet here to take advantage of this place" With that Plutarch told me everything. This was going to be one of those banal meetings where we would once again discuss every detail of the wedding, the important moments to be captured on camera and how this was going to be presented to the districts and the Capitol, this is why Beetee was here.

With a sigh of resignation I settled into the unoccupied armchair in front of the piano, the next few hours were going to be long and boring. A knock on the door interrupted us, Fulvia immediately got up to open the door.

"I asked for something to drink" returned Fulvia handing out the drinks.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Leila waiting at the door for the empty tray; Plutarch noticed it too.

"oh Leila dear, please come in." the girl entered the room with distrust "the other day I was talking to Fulvia about the waste of having this beauty here unused" he continued pointing to the piano "and now that I see you, it occurred to me that you could delight us with your beautiful voice and your talent on the piano." said Plutarch enthusiastically. She looked at him for a moment that seemed like forever and agreed. I remember her telling me once that she didn't enjoy it either playing or singing, I disliked the fact that she was almost forced to do it now.

"Yes, I heard about Leila's talent," said Fulvia with delight, leaving the tray on the piano and settling better in her armchair. Yeah, this must be great fun for her and Plutarch, who were used to this sort of thing in the Capitol and which was rare to enjoy in this district. Leila sat down on the bench and turned around looking directly at Plutarch, questioning him with her eyes. I wished she would turn for an instant in my direction, look at me even for a second but I wasn't sure if she had noticed my presence here.

"ah, play whatever you want, surprise us!" he said, letting out a chuckle.

Leila hesitated for a few minutes, then put her hands on the white piano keys and the music began to fill the sudden silence of the room. Then Leila began to sing. Her voice was soft and sweet but full of feeling as she sang. The song that I assumed was meant to be hopeful and dreamy, in her voice sounded quite the opposite, heartbreakingly sad. The rainbows and faraway dreamy lands she spoke of seemed to invite a sad ending for its protagonist. I had never heard this song before and from everyone's rapt face, I gathered that it was new to them as well, they all seemed moved by the performance. I wanted to get closer to Leila, I wanted to see her hands and her eyes, to make sure that everything was all right with her, but I could only cross my arms and remain immobile where I was. Finally the melancholy melody ended a bit abruptly and as if it were someone else Leila turned on her stool looking directly at Plutarch in a flirtatious manner.

"Anything else I can do to please you, Mr. heavensbee?" he shook his head dumbfounded at the abrupt change "you know your pleasure has always been my pleasure" Leila said in the same childish, honeyed tone she used with the gamemakers that day at the training center. Everyone in the room stirred uncomfortably at Leila's suggestive innuendo to Plutarch. He blushed in embarrassment and it was no wonder, Leila was exposing their past together. I felt my blood boil, I hated that she was being used as an entertainment, and I hated even more that Leila was behaving like that. The very thought of the two of them together turned my stomach, I didn't want Leila flirting with him or anyone, I wished she would look at me right now but Leila only had eyes for Plutarch.

"no Leila, nothing else, I imagine you were busy before I called you, sorry for taking up your time I didn't know" replied Plutarch nervously.

"don't worry Mr. Heavensbee, I understand, you never seem to know anything. But I reiterate, if there is anything I can do to give you pleasure, no matter the time, don't hesitate to seek me out" she flirtatiously winked at him and got up from the stool taking her tray and left the room. She didn't look at me once, which only worsened my mood.

"That was interesting," I snorted sarcastically.

"Well, enough of this nonsense, let's get down to business" Fulvia said commiserating with her boss.

Everyone's discomfort passed quickly as soon as the topic turned to Finnick and Annie, for my part I just saw red. I didn't participate in anything that was being talked about, I couldn't concentrate on anything but Leila and her inexplicable behavior. Was her father forcing her to do something? I felt nauseous just thinking about it. Now more than ever I felt the need to make peace with her and make sure she was okay. I thought about even asking Peeta, I knew Leila trusted him but one, I doubted if he knew anything he would tell me and two, Leila wouldn't take advantage by leaning on him knowing his fragile state. Once the meeting was concluded I looked at the time and knew I would have to wait to look for her. Peeta had permission to go to the dining hall today and I had to be there for him, maybe with any luck she would accompany him.

When I got to the dining hall I saw that Peeta was already there, sitting in his usual place, across from Katniss. I sighed with relief when I realized that they were not alone, Finnick, Annie and Prim were also at the same table. I took my usual place next to Katniss and without saying a word but observing attentively everything that was going on, I began to eat. Katniss as usual was eating quickly to leave, Finnick and Annie were whispering both in their own world and Prim was the only one who seemed to try to make a conversation with Peeta, who was eating without taking his eyes off the food, getting only monosyllables as an answer. Only a few minutes later and like a storm of anger Johanna arrived at our table, sitting down next to Peeta.

"I don't know which one of you two is doing it" she said pointing between Finnick and me "but stop, I don't need any babysitting or anything like that" I looked at her in confusion.

"What are you talking about, Jo?"

" of Leila! I don't know who told her she had to walk behind me pitying me, but it ends here! "

"No one is sending Leila to do anything, Johanna" I said, she gave me a look of disbelief and turned to Finnick looking for answers.

"don't look at me like that, I wouldn't do something like that, it's not my style to do things behind your back."

"must be the damn shrink then"

"I doubt it, she doesn't like him."

"argh! how annoying she is, I don't even understand why she does it, she doesn't realize how irritating she can be, she gets on my nerves"

"Come on Jo, don't get mad at your new best friend" Finnick scoffed.

"like she and I could be, she's wacko"

"it can't be that bad"

"Yes she is! it's cloying her fucking optimism about anything, no one can be that happy" I gritted my teeth angrily, it annoyed me that Johanna was so mean to the girl, although well I couldn't hold it against her I had been too. The exchange of teasing, at Leila's expense, between Finnick and Johanna went on for what seemed like an eternity to me, no one at the table participated in such an entertaining conversation. "Anyway, she's the one who needs to go to the shrink, maybe he can make sense of her insufferable behavior, I don't see any other solution."

"or maybe she's just being nice to you because that's the way she'd like to be treated" to everyone's astonishment, Peeta was defending Leila.

"yeah, well, whatever, is irritating" stumbled Johanna with her words bringing the subject to a close. I noticed a glimpse of guilt in her expression.

"I'm done, can I retire?" said Peeta, turning to one of his guards, who nodded and helped him up. Once he retired, only a few minutes later I also decided to leave the dining hall. I had had enough and wanted to go in search of Leila. I wondered if Johanna's complaints had been just for us or if Johanna had said something directly to Leila, and knowing her diplomatic skills I knew that if she did it wouldn't have been nice at all.

I went straight to her room and knocked on the door but no one opened. I glued my ear to the door to see if she was there but I heard nothing, so I decided to wait for her sitting in front of her room. Hours passed and Leila never arrived, which only made me more worried. Where the hell did she spend the night? Resigned for not finding answers I went to my room, maybe tomorrow I could question Greasy Sae, she would know where I could find Leila.