Really Here

Author's note: This is just a short one but I wanted to write something that followed on from Neela's arrival in Baton Rouge. I don't think it would have been all rainbows and butterflies but I'm sure there would have been some happiness and some hope, definitely on that first day and morning after.

All credit to the ER writers. They're not my characters obviously.

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Neela sleepily opened her eyes and as her eyes adjusted, she realised that she was in unfamiliar surroundings. As she scanned the room, she smiled. It was definitely a man's room and a man who she knew well. His scent was in the air and all around her. His clothes were slung over a chair in the corner. She looked under the covers as she remembered that she was wearing his t-shirt, the one he couldn't bring himself to wear after she left their apartment several years ago. He told her that it became hers from the moment she told him that she rather liked sleeping in it. It was always his plan to return it to her but hopefully in circumstances where she felt she had the right to wear it without any secrecy. None of it had been a dream. She was really there with him.

Hearing her stir, Ray placed his arm around her waist.

"Mmm morning Roomie," came the husky southern voice, greeting her.

She could tell he was smiling and that automatically made her smile a soppy smile. She turned to face him so she could take a look at him first thing in the morning. His eyes were still closed but he was definitely smiling.

Yesterday had been their first day together and a busy one with her filling in forms and getting a general tour of Le Chatlier Medical Center. After Ray's shift they'd gone back to Ray's for a take-out dinner and a long-awaited 'cards on the table talk'. Once they'd got talking, the hours had flown, just like they used to. The only difference was, nothing was hidden now. To unburden all of her feelings so openly, had been freeing. Ray had needed her to do that first. Afterall, she had turned up unexpectedly with no explanation. The look on his face was one she would remember forever. Her mind went back to last night's conversation on Ray's sofa amidst the low lighting, relaxing background music and after a one or two beers. The signature Ray and Neela setting for having meaningful conversations.

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"You've left a lot behind Neela. Are you sure you're not having second thoughts?"

"Ray...I know I have a habit of not knowing what to do and running from things but I didn't want to be that person anymore. I didn't want to be so scared to take a chance that I ended up missing out on something incredible. The funny thing was you would always call right in the middle of a drama and it was like you were reminding me that something better was out there. I was trying to re-create something...and it was always an inferior version of what I had with you. What I have with you. I wasted so much time when everything I needed was here."

"It's just hard for me to get my head around things. I guess I've wanted this for so long that I got used to nothing happening. I just held onto the phone calls and told myself that it would have to be enough."

"When you were in Chicago, I kicked myself for not telling you how I felt. When you left, there was a void that couldn't be filled. On some level, I knew it never would be."

"I had to leave Neela. I didn't want to be just another guy screwing up your life. It was never going to be uncomplicated. You weren't in the right head space for a serious relationship and I was still getting used to this new me. Walking away that night was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do...not the literal walking bit but you know...the other stuff."

"Yeah the walking bit you had down and then seeing you run…you were just so…everything about you impressed me. I really wanted to...you know...I really wanted you to stay..."

"I know. Neela, I'm just about getting the confidence back to go there...but I er..."

"There isn't any rush. I've waited this long...and all that matters is that we're ok. I just want to be here with you."

"Neela, I want you to stay here. I have a spare room and it's not like we've never lived together..."

"I was hoping you'd say that. I'll cancel the hotel reservation."

"I can't believe you're really here."

"My mind was going round in circles...I didn't know if you still...felt the same way...like before..."

"You mean do I still love you?"

"Yeah...I er...saying this out loud isn't easy. The moment I walked in and saw you with your patients, I knew that I was doing the right thing. No one else makes me feel like that. It was like I was where I belonged, even in this place that I've never been to and know nothing about. It's because whenever I'm with you, the world makes sense Ray. It's because it feels right somehow. It's because...I…I Iove you."

Neela remembered him looking away and when he looked back at her, his eyes were filled with tears. Seeing his watery green eyes made her cry. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Neela moved in to kiss him, softly at first and then after he reaffirmed his love for her, the kiss picked up passion. Through the taste of salty tears and each other, they found themselves overwhelmed with emotions and entangled. He pulled away first, breathing deeply as he tried to collect himself.

"Stay with me tonight?"

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She was glad he wasn't working today. She officially started her position as Assistant Professor of Surgery the following week. There was a lot to adapt to for both of them.

"Quit staring at me." Ray still had his eyes closed but he knew she was looking at him.

"I was just thinking... I may not need that spare room." She loved the idea of waking up next to him every morning.

Ray opened his eyes, a smirk now appearing on his face. He reached out to push back strands of her messy bed hair from her eye. He knew she'd look beautiful in the morning. She was looking at him with such a suggestive look that he felt his desire stirring. Neela in his t-shirt was better than he imagined. He had to remind himself not to rush things. This was too important and now that she was finally here, there was no way he was going to mess it up.

"You're gonna need to cut that out. I only have so much restraint."

"Hmmm ok..."

She continued with a naughty glint in her eye and leaned in to give him a slow kiss on the lips. She smiled devilishly. She could sense some insecurity in him and knew that they had to take things at a pace that he was comfortable with. She could tell that he was already starting to relax more with her. The accident hadn't changed how much she was attracted to him but she knew he had to feel good about things. He was still a great kisser and his close proximity still gave her butterflies. It was hard to resist him when he looked so sexy, topless and sleepy-eyed.

"You're killing me here Neela," he whispered with his eyes half closed as he licked his lips.

"Ok...I'll stop...but...on one condition..." she placed a couple of kisses to his neck and chest as she spoke.

"This...is...not...ok ok what do you want me to do?" He was breathing hard and could barely concentrate on anything. He had to admit that it felt amazing to have her initiate the physical contact in such a relentless way.

"Make me breakfast?" She moved back and gave him the silliest child-like grin.

Ray looked her and softly laughed.

"You were pretty high maintenance as a roommate so why would I expect anything different now."

"High maintenance?" She gave him a look of being offended and playfully hit him. He recoiled in an exaggerated way and chuckled.

"I'm kidding. Breakfast I can manage. Anything for my..." He stopped as he thought carefully about using a different word, one that was completely foreign and held so much meaning. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Girlfriend." He looked into her eyes like he was asking for permission to call her by this title. They remained silent for a few seconds before Ray started to speak again.

"I was kind of hoping…I know you just got here but when I asked you to stay…what I really meant was…I wanted us to be together…properly together…is it too soon?"

Neela's face felt flushed as she watched him bashfully trying to get the words out to explain. She relieved him by saying her thoughts out loud.

"This doesn't feel real...but it is...and I'm here Ray. Me, Ray Barnett's girlfriend...it's going to take some getting used to...but I already like the sound of it."

She was shy all of a sudden. This situation was a leap into the unknown and it scared her to death but it felt so good. He was actually her Ray now. She wouldn't have to put up with him talking about other women he'd met. There would be no need to distract herself to fend off the jealousy that always crept in when someone else was enjoying his company. She would be able to talk to him face to face every day and about everything. Kissing him could happen at any time, in any place and not just in flash backs and dreams. At some point, she would get closer to him without limits and only she would have access to him like that.

Ray was trying to read her thoughts. He could tell they were good ones by the way her eyes were shining.

"I know there's a lot to figure out and it's going to be a journey. I mean, we know each other Neela but us in a relationship is going to be different. I really want this to work."

"I do too." She moved closer to hug him. They held each other as he kissed her forehead.

"Ok...so...pancakes? Then maybe I'll give you the tour of Baton Rouge."

"I'd like that. You can tell me all about growing up here. Oh...your mum! I guess I should really go see her..."

"Yeah, we'll pay her a visit soon...but I'd like you to myself for just a little longer."

Ray mused over the fact that Neela had made a decision, a big one. All he ever wanted was for her to want him. To know that she loved him enough to give up her life in Chicago was more than proof that they had something special. He just hoped that she wouldn't hate being in Baton Rouge and that her career path would be satisfying enough, at least for now. He hoped that he would be enough.

Before this point, Neela had been married and dated two other men. There seemed to always be another guy fighting for her and that guy would be the victorious one. Being left on the side-lines all this time, waiting for her to have an epiphany had been painful. He had to trust that she would come to him when she was ready. The attraction had been there from early on, they both felt it. The depth of their interactions solidified things. Their close friendship had evolved into an all-consuming thing that couldn't really be defined. He was the one she would speak to when she needed advice, comfort or laughter. They spoke practically every day, even when she was in a relationship. Even on the phone their connection was undeniable. He could sense her struggle because theirs wasn't just a straight-forward friendship. When he briefly dated Annabelle from the gym a year ago, Neela was always on his mind. It's why he had to end it. He knew that he would never stop wanting her and that wasn't fair to anyone else. Part of him still wondered though if he really measured up to the kind of man Neela would want to be with long term.

Neela moved to look up at him. She could feel him worrying.

"Ray...you know that I love you right? I already tried the distance thing with you and it was awful, just beyond crap. This is a big change but I can't go back to that. I'm done with missing you and getting disappointed. I can't go back to being without you."

He felt reassured by her words. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy Neela. I can't be without you either."

"I want us both to be happy Ray. We're in this together." She caressed his face affectionately, giving him a look that she hoped communicated her determination to be by his side.

"Yeah, we are. Hey, I love you too." He gave her an adoring look before lowering his head so that he could kiss her gently but affirmatively.

They lay there smiling at each other in euphoria as they contemplated their new beginning with all the possibilities. No cliff-hangers, no distance and no sad goodbyes. This felt more secure and more permanent now that there was nothing left unspoken. They were both really here.