The firelight lingered low by the time Elizabeth slid her book onto the shelf beside her expansive bed. It was strange to be staying at Pemberley. Half of her thrilled at the idea of enjoying such a beautiful home. The other half of her felt uneasy, as if she were intruding upon the private lair of a hero whose help she had refused.
She had been invited. It was not that she felt unwelcome. But the secret that she had once been offered the position of being mistress of this place weighed on her greatly. After their tour, and after Mrs. Reynolds praises and Mr. Darcy's previous revelations in his letter, Elizabeth knew he had to have offered them lodging out of the goodness of his heart. She could not attribute any lesser motive to a man so generous and kind.
But knowing that he offered his home so unselfishly only caused her to feel even more ashamed about her own previous response. As arrogantly as he had conducted himself at Hunsford, she could not deny - not now - that he had indeed done her a great honor by asking for her hand. She could have at least acted with civility.
She could only hope she would have the chance to express her regret to him during this visit. It would not do to say she regretted turning down his proposal. But she did regret her conduct - particularly when it came to defending Mr. Wickham, a man who deserved so little of her regard. Her mind thus occupied, Elizabeth turned to blow out the candle, only to find it slightly out of reach.
She huffed a frustrated sigh. The room truly was too big for one person.
Thankful for the lingering fire that kept the room mostly warm, she shuffled out of the blankets and down the side of the bed to reach for the candle. If she only had the presence of mind to have -
The sudden sound of the door opening, and then shutting, stopped her in her tracks. She whipped around to face the entrance - and gaped.
There ought to be no surprise in encountering Mr. Darcy in his own house. But the last thing she'd expected was seeing him like this - in his night shirt, his hair disheveled, panting as if he had just run a mile - and somehow in her room in the middle of the night.
He seemed to catalogue his surroundings gradually before meeting her eye. And then he froze.
At least, it was clear that he had not expected to find her here. For all his faults, he had never been a rogue.
"Mr. - " she tried to say something - anything, truly. But what was the proper greeting when an unrelated man, one she was rather attracted to, if she had to admit to herself, barged into one's sleeping quarters at an ungodly hour?
She did not miss the way his surprise had seemed to melt quickly into something else, a fascinating hunger in his eyes as his gaze roamed her body. Her night dress revealed little that her day clothes did not, but it was the intimacy of the thought - of a man seeing her as she was only ever meant to be seen by her husband.
Elizabeth flushed. One would think that a maiden would find a man's focused perusal intrusive and disagreeable. But his interest disconcerted her in a different sort of way, as if there was some sort of perverted pleasure in being the object of his desires.
She swallowed. "Mr. Darcy - "
He seemed to wake up abruptly from his trance, and then it was his turn to turn red from head to toe. Elizabeth cast her eyes askance for a quick moment before looking up again.
"A thousand apologies," Mr. Darcy growled. He seemed as taken aback by the gravel in his voice as she was, and he cleared his throat before continuing, "I did not realize that this room was occupied."
Elizabeth nodded blankly. She gave him a small smile when his eyes met hers once more.
"I do not think it necessary for such grave apologies," she answered softly. She braced a hand on a bedpost, anchoring herself in the midst of the surreal situation. "It is, after all, your home."
"Not that it is ever proper for me to intrude just because I own the place." He straightened into a more formal pose, as if it mattered in his current state of undress. He seemed to realize the fact as well, for his face turned sheepish. "I am not so arrogant as that."
"Oh, please, do not remind me of my foolish words." She clasped her face with her cooling palms. "You are gracious enough to make explanations and extend invitations where I do not deserve them. How can anyone think you in any way arrogant?"
Her words seemed to please him, and his lips softened into a slight smile.
"I thank you, Miss Bennet, though perhaps I am creating as much offense with my presence tonight as I was at Hunsford."
"Not offense, no," she assured without thinking. Her hands fiddled with the edge of her pleat. "Confusion, perhaps, but not anger."
He nodded solemnly. "Of course. It is highly improper and I - I wish to say I had a good reason for my sudden arrival - but I truly have none other than the fact that I had wrongly remembered the rooms as being unoccupied."
She leaned her head to the side. "Do you make it a habit, sir, to run around the hallways of Pemberley at night? I must confess it a rather eccentric habit, although harmless at its core. I suppose being the master has its benefits."
He relaxed into a much fuller smile once he understood her to be jesting, looking unfairly handsome as he did so. "It may be unmanly of me to admit it, but I owe you nothing but honesty. I am not here tonight as a master, but as a fugitive."
"A fugitive?"
"I was already abed - and fled my room only because I believed I heard the approach of a woman."
"A woman!" Elizabeth lifted her brows in genuine surprise. "I do not know to think you honorable for fearing the impropriety of such a turn of events or to express incredulity that such a thing could happen in your very own home. Do you not bolt your door every night?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "My valet is new."
The statement, so casually made, made laughter bubble out of her. "Well, I suppose that explains it."
"Not very well - but it is the only plausible hypothesis I have at the moment."
"Do you make a habit of barring anyone of the fairer sex from your chambers?"
"As a matter of fact, I do." He was suddenly solemn again. Had they both stepped forward at some point? He looked far closer than he had a moment ago. "Many men of my station might think little of inviting womenfolk to their chambers, or misusing the female servants at will, but I have seen enough of Wickham's ill-advised actions to resolve to act as differently from him as I could."
The serious avowal, made in such unlikely circumstances, moved her unexpectedly. Elizabeth smiled gently, albeit apologetically. She fiddled more with her braid. "I do not think it a topic that brings pleasure to either of us - but, please, allow me to apologize for my unfounded defense of George Wickham. He did not deserve my trust, nor you my ire. Your willingness to illuminate me about your dealings with him was a kindness I did nothing to earn, and I promise to bear your family's confidence in full."
"You read it then?"
"The letter? Of course."
"I had - I had feared you would not. Although, now, as I reflect upon the anger I had harbored during its completion, I almost hope that you had not. Forgive me, Elizabeth, for kindness was the farthest thing from my mind when I penned those words."
"I never held your displeasure against you. Unfair accusations can anger even the kindest of souls."
"You are too generous."
"Hardly." She tried to smile in a disarming way as she drifted closer. "Although perhaps we can agree upon a truce - and let the apologies lie?"
"I think, Miss Bennet, that I would like that very much."
"She was heartbroken - disillusioned with the world and everyone in it." His voice sounded as tight as his throat felt. Somehow, in the course of the last few minutes - or perhaps hours - the two of them had drifted onto the two large chairs by the dying fire. And their discussion over the contents of his letter had led him to begin describing the ramifications of Ramsgate in a much more personal manner. "I did not know what to do, and I blamed myself as heartily as I blamed her. I wondered if Georgiana could have been spared her sorrow and near ruin if I had only watched her more and indulged her less. If I had taken care to illuminate her of Wickham's character sooner - or perhaps discouraged her esteem of her - "
"Like you did to Mr. Bingley," Elizabeth whispered. Darcy slowly met her eye.
It was difficult not to be distracted, even if her dressing gown covered most of her person. The way the light danced off her features, lining the edges of her pleat, filled him with an urge to reach for her.
But he could not. Being alone with her, dressed like this, was bad enough. He had not earned the right to access her company this way, and he most certainly did not have the right to ask for more.
At least, he did not for now. And if he refused to respond to her statement about Bingley, he most likely never would.
"Like I did to Bingley," he admitted. He waited for her censure, but saw only sadness. If anything, it only propelled him to wish to embrace her more. Instead, he cleared his throat. "I understand now that my actions were foolish and misguided - perhaps influenced even by my own fears that my heart had been racing ahead of my mind for the first time in my life. After the incident at Ramsgate, I feared romantic sentiment and youthful feelings even more than usual. I sincerely believed, however wrongly, that I was saving my friend and myself from unequal marriages."
"In social standing or in affection?"
For some reason, Darcy found himself offering a wry smile. "I had thought it one way for him and the other way for me. I have since come to understand that it was not Bingley's affections that had been unrequited, but rather mine."
It surprised him a little to see Elizabeth, who had faced all his responses with equanimity, suddenly blush now. She toyed with the edge of her pleat. "I apologize once more for my poor response."
"What did you say that I did not deserve? I shudder when I consider the condescension and selfishness that I displayed that day."
"If you can feel shame at your condescension and selfishness, then I can most certainly feel shame for my self-righteousness and pride. It was not a particularly endearing proposal, I'll admit, but I had no right to accuse you of ungentlemanly behavior."
"One might say you have more right to accuse me of that tonight."
His allusion to the impropriety of their circumstances caused the previous serenity to once more heighten into an unnamable tension between them. She met his eyes, unwavering, and the pull he felt towards her seemed to double in strength by the second. The rush of desire he had felt upon first discovering her tonight seemed to return with a vengeance, and he dug his fingers into the armrests of his chair with all his strength to avoid reaching for her.
Then she whispered, more lightheartedly than he'd expected, "Well, one must make allowances for fugitives, after all."
Her words sank in slowly. And then he laughed, and then she laughed. And now he wished to embrace her in a whole different way.
The woman would be the death of him.
"You must think me ridiculous, Miss Elizabeth, for running around my home fleeing a presumed infiltrator."
"It is not the manliest response, perhaps."
"I was fairly certain I heard someone."
"Now I do not know to even think you rational or not."
"I swear I am not making these things up."
"Oh, of course. A man would never need to make up false reasons to wander about his own home."
"Forgive me for imposing."
"No, it is I and my relatives who are imposing. You are in your own house."
"It can be yours too."
Their gazes connected. Darcy hardly knew to slap or congratulate himself for what he'd managed to say.
Her answering smile was more shy than he had ever seen her capable of appearing. "I suppose."
The cock crowed outside the window, reminding both of them of the early hour and the precariousness of their circumstances. Darcy forced himself to his feet. It felt odd to bow formally given the intimacy of his attire, but he could do nothing less.
"Thank you for your company, Miss Elizabeth."
At least her smile looked sincere. "And thank you for yours, Mr. Darcy."
A/N: Sorry for the late update! My toddler is sick, and I've dealing with a lot on my plate recently.
I'm glad you're all as excited as I am over this ridiculous story! I unfortunately don't have the time to reply to each review individually, but I do read all of them, and I am very thankful whenever you mention anything specific that stood out for you. Thanks for enjoying JAFF with me :)